Sincerely, Sergeant Masen
by 2carm2carm2
Summary: One bored night, Bella goes online and stumbles across an American's soldier's profile. On a whim she decides to write Sergeant Masen a letter. She never thought she would get a response back from Iraq, much less fall in love with a man in combat boots.
1. Chapter 1

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"_A soldier doesn't fight because he hates what is in front of him. He fights because he loves what's behind him."_

Full Summary: Edward Masen is a U.S. soldier serving over seas in Iraq, he no longer has any family or any ties in the states. On night Bella finds his profile on a website called Any Soldier, she decides to write him a letter, not thinking it would go anywhere. To her surprise the Sergeant wrote her back. And thus begins their relationship that starts to form over the course of letters. Bella has to come to grips with the fact that she fell completely in love with a soldier who doesn't stay in one place long. And then, throw in Edward's past that's threatening to destroy their future. That's a lot of bullets for a girl to dodge.

* * *

"And so," Mr. Cox paused dramatically, shutting off his Power Point for the cast. "Who can conclude what I've taught you today?" I glanced around the room to see most of the students slumped into their desk, not paying the slightest attention. I grimaced as I raised my hand. Again. I swore I was the only one who ever answered anything in here.

"Yes, Bella," he smiled happily at me, gesturing for me to speak.

"Um, the war in Iraq is the first war the U.S. has fought in where no one can say who we are exactly fighting. But we are trying to bring democracy to the Iraq government," I answered hesitantly, knowing I had missed a lot of the slides that he went over. But then again, it wasn't like my classmates could really do any better.

"Yes, very good, though I wish you had included something about the lives our soldiers are living over seas," he chided carefully. I kind of shrugged a little bit just as he looked away.

"Tomorrow, back to Economics," Mr. Cox announced, earning a very loud collective groan from the classroom. The only real reason I was taking this class was because I could use the extra credits. "See you guys later, get out," he added before turning his attention back to his pride and joy – his laptop.

I stood up and started to place my notebook and textbook into my backpack. My best friend Rosalie was next to me yawning, but nevertheless doing the same thing.

"Well. That was fun," she sighed and then yawned again. I rolled my eyes at her sarcasm while I hoisted my book bag over my shoulder.

"It wasn't that bad," I reasoned as we headed towards the classroom door. She gave me a look.

"I'm only in it for the credits," she shrugged, fixing her hair that was currently in a pony tail.

Rosalie Hale and I had met our freshman year. We were both 14 and had just moved to the state for different reasons. I hadn't known a single person, and we met at orientation. She had looked at me and said, "You look normal enough, I'm sticking with you." And we became best friends.

Rosalie was pretty comfortable in her skin for a 17 year old. She had blonde hair that had a natural curl to it – not a poodle curl – and gorgeous blue eyes. She was about 5'7" and very curvy. That didn't mean she had a total body of a model, though. Rose was actually pretty self conscious, and she thought of herself as chubby; though that was nowhere near a word I would describe her with. She looked perfect for our age, and I tried to convince her over and over that her insecurities were ridiculous.

In the fall we both played soccer with our school, and in the spring the two of us were on the varsity golf team. Along with those similar interests, we were just really in sync with each other. Rose wasn't a crazed shopper that always was at the mall; she didn't force me to go out anywhere and try on endless things nor did we need to spend every waking moment with each other.

We also had almost every class together except for the AP English that I was in and the different electives we were taking. I laughed every time I thought about how we got identical schedules.

Rose's mom slept with the principal. Numerous times.

I loved Rose's mom. She was one of the coolest people I knew. She had Rosalie when she was 16 so she was really young at 33. The two of them were extremely close and they had a very Gilmore Girls relationship. It was quite humorous most of the time, actually.

"I swear, if Mr. Heit makes us talk about sexual urges with our partners one more time I am going to kill him slowly with that damn hockey stick of his," Rosalie complained as we walked into our Health class. Luckily, this class was only mandatory for one semester, which was probably a good thing. If that wasn't the case, I was convinced someone was going to die.

I laughed as we took our seats, Mr. Heit was writing something on the board. He was a hockey coach/player and had a very strong build which currently was blocking my ability to see what he was writing. He moved out of the way and began to talk as we read what he wrote, "Okay gang! Something new to do today."

_What attracts you to the opposite sex?_

I looked back at Rosalie. Her face was all scrunched up as she glared fiercely at the white board. I laughed silently as I settled back into my seat, watching in amusement the boy sitting next to me today. He looked pretty damn excited to be there. He must have had to sprint from his last class to get here before some other guy sat there.

Another idiotic thing about this class – he gave the girls each a table they had to sit in each class and the guys got to choose who they wanted to sit next to.

The last four I had asked me out. _Sweet_.

Now that was something I really didn't understand. Okay, I mean I knew I wasn't plain, ugly or boring. I guess I was just slightly above average. . .but most of the male population had at one point in the last three years made a move on me. Why they did was beyond me. I've only accepted two of their offers to actually go on a date. You'd think that would turn them away, but _no_.

Luckily Health was our last class of the day and all of us made it out alive. Rosalie was just downright pissed once he dismissed us, already having such a hate for the class to begin with. I, on the otherhand, was relatively pleased that the boy next to me hadn't asked me out. I sent him a mental _thank you_.

I always dropped Rosalie off at her house since it was on my way home. Normally we filled the car ride with mindless gossip, but today my head was stuck on some of the things that Mr. Cox had said in that presentation.

"Those guys are only after you for your ride," Rosalie rolled her eyes as she leapt up into the passenger seat of my Ford black truck. I laughed and shrugged. It was probably true.

I loved my truck more than anything else in the world. It was giant, black and shiny. The side mirrors were huge – I was still worried about taking them off in an accident – and the silver chromes were amazing. It had tinted windows and had a general apperance that was overall just very vicious looking. I was still in shock that Esme and Carlisle actually gotten it for me. It mades me feel _and_ look really spoiled.

"You know, I only got it for the clubs," I reminded her jokingly. Carlisle had chosen to pick out something that could haul a lot of stuff, not that I was complaining.

"Probably," she agreed, fiddling with the radio.

After I dropped Rose off at her house I headed home. I was surprised to see Carlisle's red truck in the driveway when I pulled in to the driveway belong to our beautiful house. It had a huge yard and Esme's gardens littered the grass.

I let myself in with the key to the mud room leading to our kitchen. The kitchen was one of my favorite rooms in the house with it's cherry wood and granite counter tops, complete with an island in the middle.

"Hey, Bella," Carlisle smiled at me from where he sat, eating a sandwich and watching the small TV.

"Hi! Watcha doin' home already?" I asked him curiously as I dropped my backpack down and slid it under the built in desk.

"Just grabbing a bite to eat. There's a board meeting so I have to get back to the hospital pretty quick here," he glanced down at his watch as I took out an apple from the fridge.

"When does Esme get home?" I asked as I cleaned the bright red fruit.

"One of her brides is at a fitting, so it could be awhile." I nodded and slid into a stool next to him. "Anything interesting at school?" he inquired before taking another giant bite of his sandwich.

"Rose planning new ways to commit murder," I shrugged, sinking my teeth into the apple and savoring the sweetness. I had always loved fruit. In my opinion, it was way better than candy. Of course that was before I ever really got candy, so. . .

"Anything creative?" he chuckled with a smirk, standing up to put his plate by the sink.

I shrugged. "Not really. Today it was a hockey stick." Rosalie was very expressive over her extreme dislike for the class.

"Well, I have to say I liked her mutated gopher idea a little better," Carlisle grinned, shaking his head. I rolled my eyes remembering that particular day. No one in that classroom had been safe from Rose's wrath.

"I'm so glad Thursday's Thanksgiving. Just one more day." Granted Thanksgiving was only a two day break. I convinced myself it was still better than nothing though.

"Hang in there kiddo, see you later!" he called as he slipped out the door that I had just came in.

"Bye!" I yelled back.

Carlisle was the Chief of Medicine at the hospital. He budgeted for a lawyer to handle all of the legal stuff that the previous Chief had to deal with and now he mostly did rounds and had regular patients, which was what he wanted to be doing in the first place.

Carlisle was only 34. He finished college in three years and then went to medical school for four years before interning at the hospital for a year and becoming a resident at the age of 27. The old Chief had been his mentor and when he stepped down three years ago, he turned the job over to Carlisle.

Esme was his wife, and she was 33. She owned her own wedding planning business. She opened it about six years ago and was now one of the most sought after wedding planners in the state with some of her ceremonies making it into major magazines.

They adopted me when I was 14, right before I was about to start high school.

My parents Charlie and Renee Swan were killed when I was 13 and after that, I went in an adoption orphanage because my parents were both only children and I had no grandparents to go to. It was a hard thing to go to, but that's when I started believing in the saying "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." And I know I'm a stronger person from the experience.

I didn't take the last name Cullen when they adopted me because I wanted to hold onto the memory of my mom and dad. I also couldn't call either of them Mom or Dad, because my Mom and Dad were dead.

At first I think it may have bothered Esme a little bit, and I was disappointed that I just couldn't say it. But eventually, the three of us fell into a good place. I was their daughter, but I had past and other parents that wouldn't be ignored. I couldn't have asked for better adoptive parents, because I knew I was blessed to have them. That way was more than others had.

I checked my phone to see if I had any texts and when I saw that I didn't I decided to hit the homework. Luckily there was no Economics tonight, allowing me to be able to whip through my Calculus and American History fairly quickly. When I was done, I decided it was time for me to eat dinner.

I warmed myself up a frozen dinner.

I _could_ cook. But just because you could play baseball didn't mean you were good at it. I was awful when it came to making meals because I honestly didn't have the patience to do it. If Esme wasn't home, Carlisle and I were screwed. That's why we had such a stash of take out menus hidden under the phone book.

But just because I couldn't cook didn't mean I didn't love to bake. And any woman knew the difference between the two. Baking was something that I could do, and loved to do. My mom had taught me how to make my first batch of brownies when I was four years old and I loved it ever since. Admittedly, I _had_ gotten pretty good at it over time.

After I consumed my delicious dinner, I went up to my bedroom and turned on my laptop. My mind was still thinking about Mr. Cox's slide show. There were just so many pictures of American men who were living in poor conditions with barely any hygiene products and little ways to communicate with their loved ones.

And I wanted to help.

Don't get me wrong, I wasn't "a save the world with every little act" type of person. I wasn't a world peace beauty queen. But I did realize there could be something that I could do for my country. As stupid as that sounded.

I got cozy on my bed and went to Google. Because really, Google had all the answers.

I typed a couple of different things in the search box before I came to a site called _Any Soldier_. I read over the homepage to see what the website was before I started clicking around.

Basically it was a website that had hundreds of short, written profiles of soldiers in the Army, Navy, Air Force or Coast Guard. If you came across a profile that you wanted to help, you requested the contact and it was emailed to you for you to send care packages or write letters to.

I set the computer down for a minute and went to grab my reading glasses because I felt like I would be reading for the a while. Once I was back on the bed, I tucked my feet under me and balanced the computer on my legs before clicking a link that led me to the profiles. I was actually pretty eager to read them.

The thing was, when the United States entered World War I and II the whole country threw themselves into the war effort. They grew victory gardens, did metal collections, and sent thousands of packages out. People still sent packages, but that was only the families for the most part.

I was a hypocrite, and I knew it. I hadn't thought about doing anything because it didn't really seem like an actual war. There weren't battles and air raids or all that extreme stuff, but it didn't mean that it wasn't important. So I was going to do something about it. But again, not in the "change the world" scale.

I lost track of time, thoroughly consumed by all of the soldiers. It was actually beginning to bother me, but I was feeling that sense of pride for the men in my country, because most were extremely polite and all seemed to appreciate anything sent.

I looked around my bedroom and felt, once again, way too spoiled. But I just kept reading. I hadn't requested any addresses yet because I wasn't sure what I was going to do. It was clear they were all in need of something, something they deserved to get for all they have to deal with.

_We are living in tents._

_No cooking availability._

_18 hour shifts, 6 days a week._

I heard Esme coming home and glanced around, startled because I had been so immersed. The digital alarm clock on my bed stand read that it was already 7:30. And I had gotten home at 3:30. I had been on this site for two and a half hours.

Esme didn't seem to need me at the moment so I returned to reading more profiles.

_We do what we do because freedom is a basic human right_

_These men are my brothers. . ._

_We take great pride and honor in our job._

By the time I looked at the clock again another hour had passed and I was feeling incredibly stupid. How had I not thought of any of these things?

I had some tests tomorrow and I decided I needed to definitely get some sleep. I reasoned with myself that I would only look at a few more. They were beginning to sound very similar now. . .Well the list of things they wanted, anyway.

I clicked on one last one, reading the top. SGT Edward A. Masen. It said that he was stationed in Iraq, which wasn't anything new.

_There are plenty of other soldiers on this website that deserve much more than I do. We are holding up given the solitude. They are worse off than my unit. _

_Sincerely,  
__Sergeant Masen_

I reread the short three sentences one more time before looking at the rest of the information. His unit was from Illinois – there were 26 men and 1 female. It also told me that his address hadn't been requested at all.

"Given the solitude. . ."

I grinned a little to myself as I clicked "here" to request the address. I filled out the normal form and typed in my email address before clicking submit. I added the website to my favorites so I could access it later and then logged on to my email account. Another 20 minutes had passed according to the clock on my screen.

I opened up the email that was already in my inbox and read the address. I would fill out the envelope later.

Sleeping was what I should have been doing, but instead I looked around my room until I located one of those cheap ten cent school note books and a pen. I had no idea what I was going to write, so I just started with what came to me.

_Dear Edward,_

* * *

_I wanna do something that matters, say something different_  
_Something that sets the whole world on its ear_  
_I wanna do something better with the time I've been given_  
_I wanna try to touch a few hearts in this life_  
_And leave nothing less than something that says I was here_

_And I know that I, I will do more than just pass through this life_  
_I'll leave nothing less than something that says I was here_  
_I was here  
_-I Was Here, Lady Antebellum

* * *

Next chapter hopefully up tomorrow.(: Whatdya think?  
Thank you to SimplyDazzling, my lovely sister for betaing(:  
**_I do not own Any Soldier_. Any Soldier is a real website, but please, if you choose to go on there, do not expect to find a single, hot, amazing guy like Edward and plan to fall in love with him.


	2. Chapter 2

A little more than a week had passed since I had mailed the letter to Sergeant Masen. In the letter I wrote, I just introduced myself, thanked him and all his fellow army men for their service, and a side note at the bottom. I wrote it so I wouldn't be disappointed if I didn't get a response.

Today I had to run to the grocery store so I could pick up some ingredients, having to make six dozen cookies for a cookie exchange our golf team did. Rosalie just went and bought hers. Cheater.

I was in the spice aisle looking for some cinnamon that we were out of. I had almost everything I needed, and I was ready to go back into my cozy warm house. I hadn't really dressed for the winter winds and those aisles were damn chilly.

"Bella?" I jumped and looked around to see who had said my name. Elliot Parker was standing sheepishly behind me. I grinned over at him, relieved that it wasn't some creepy stalker.

Elliot went to my school. He was a really nice guy, though I never got a chance to really talk to him. He was the star basketball player at our school, better than all of the seniors on the team and the one responsible to leading our school team to do very well this year. I thought so at least.

"Hey Elliot, how's it going?" He smiled back at me as I placed the ground cinnamon in my basket.

"Not too well. I'm running for my mom; do you know where I can find pop-e-raka?" He stared at the little blue list in his hand with up-most frustration. I laughed and raised an eyebrow before grabbing the list.

"You mean paprika?" I asked quizzically. I shut my month as he grabbed the list back in confusion. I was trying hard not to laugh now.

"Oh," was all Elliot said. Then he glanced sheepishly at me, "Yeah. That."

I laughed again and helped him find what he was looking for. I also had to show him to where they kept the bread and help him find the Italian loaf instead of the sliced, in a bag kind.

I grabbed a couple more things that I was looking for along the way and then we both went to check out. After we were both bagged up, I was about to say goodbye when he stopped me.

Elliot was a really muscular guy. He had dark sandy hair with clear brown eyes and was about 7 inches taller than me at my 5'4. I could understand why so many girls wanted to get with him. He was pretty attractive.

"Okay, could I ask you something that sounds kinda weird?" he began cautiously. I shrugged and nodded my consent.

"So, I know you don't really date and stuff and neither do I. But, the basketball team is required to make an appearance at the winter dance this year. So I figured maybe you would go with me?" I stared at him for a moment longer than necessary because it made him go on.

"But not in like a, 'I'm-madly-in-love-with-you' way. It's not even that I like you." He rambled on.

I rose an offended eyebrow silently at him.

"Shit, no. I mean you're a really nice, funny girl. But I don't want to date you," Elliot continued, trying to get his point across while back tracking.

"Not that you're not dateable because, I mean you totally are!" I couldn't hold it any longer; I started to laugh under my breath. He stared at me, really not understanding why I was laughing and was probably offended by the action.

I knew what he was asking from his first sentence. I just wanted to see how much he would stress. I was mean, but I found it fairly amusing.

"You mean, go to the dance as friends?" I hinted for him.

"Yes! Exactly! That was what I meant!" He went silent then. I rose another inquiring eyebrow. "And if you happen to keep some of the girls that want me in their pants away, then so be it." I burst out laughing at his logic and told him I would go. We exchanged cell phone numbers before going into the freezing wind.

I texted Rose telling her I had a date for the dance. She responded, irritated of course. We had pretty much said that we weren't going to go, but now she felt she needed to. So she was off getting a date. That shouldn't be too hard for her.

"Hey Es! I'm home," I called out as I entered through the mud room and into the kitchen.

"Did you find everything?" she asked as she walked into the room. I nodded and started to take the ingredients out of the plastic bag,

When Esme walked she had a certain dancelike movement to her. She was gorgeous and looked 26, not 33. But there was a wiser and knowing component about her that made her seem about a decade older. She had light brown hair, that was a dark caramel shade that she wore like Rosalie wore hers; straightened or with loose curls. She also had amazing hazel eyes. They were really light, making them appear almost golden at times.

"Yup! I even scored a date for the winter dance," I smirked. Esme who was getting out various bowls for mixing turned and gave me an inquiring look.

"Should I be concerned?" I laughed at her mock seriousness. Oh man, it would suck if they were actually like that.

"No, I don't think so," I grinned as I started cracking eggs. The thing about cookie exchanges is that you need to bake a dozen for each person, and we were a six person team. It was a lot of egg cracking.

"Who is it?" Esme asked as she went to preheat the oven.

"Elliot Parker." I wasn't as giddy about it as you would think, actually. I didn't have a crush on him, and he didn't seem to be interested in me that way, so I was sort of excited because he seemed like he could be a good friend.

"I didn't know you liked him," she commented. I could hear the smirk in her voice which I chose to ignore as I explained to her why I was going to the dance.

There was another thing about Elliot. Guys respected him. He was leading our team out of failure and nobody wanted to do anything to piss him off. So I had a feeling that I wouldn't have much trouble with all the guys wanting to ask me out for awhile. That was a major plus.

"Well. That's interesting," Esme informed me after I finished. She still looked slightly baffled but went back to rolling the dough nevertheless.

I nodded in agreement.

"Thank God you're not actually dating. Carlisle has convinced himself that he will eventually have to give you 'the talk,'" she informed me under her breath. I laughed but when I saw that she wasn't kidding, my face fell. The phrase 'Fuck my Life' came into mind.

"You're serious?" I questioned in incredulous monotone. She nodded.

"But I got that from mom when I was 12!" I pointed out hurriedly. I wanted to grin at that memory. It had actually turned out to be a pretty amusing conversation between us.

"Sorry," she said in sing song voice that made it clear that there was no sorrow whatsoever in her.

"If you want to avoid it, become a nun," she suggested offhandedly as I opened the oven and put a pan in on the rack. That extreme heat warmed the kitchen for a moment before it was gone.

"I'll think about it," I responded sarcastically.

Esme laughed when she saw that I was mixing the dough much more roughly than needed.

-oOo-

Since neither Rosalie nor I planned to actually be going to the dance we were pretty much screwed in the way of dresses.

"I can't believe you just decided to go to the dance!" she exclaimed in frustration as I picked her up from her house five days later. The dance was on the 13th. It was already the 7th.

"We've been over this; I'm just helping him out," I calmly explained one more time.

"My mom would have been able to sew a kick-ass dress if I had given her more notice." Rose's mom was the most artsy person I knew. She did anything that was at all creative, like painting, sewing, woodworking, and even gardening.

"Don't worry; she'll have prom."

"Oh I know; she's already planning it." I chuckled. I loved her mom.

Rosalie was still complaining about the short notice by the time we got to the dress store in the mall. I didn't know why she was whining – it took her all of three seconds to get a date.

This dance was in between prom and homecoming, so the style that everyone wore was dressier and longer than homecoming, but not as extravagant as prom would be.

Rosalie was going with a boy named Luke. Luke was also on the basketball team. They dated last year for a few months but decided not to continue, though they were still pretty fond of each other in a friendship way. So it really wasn't hard to get him to agree to go with her. I mean, he had to go anyways.

It only took us about six minutes to get the last of the good dresses to try on. The dressing rooms didn't have full walls so we could see each over the top. That gave us the perfect opportunity to talk.

"So, are you going back to Ohio after the dance?" Rosalie asked quietly, though I still heard her over the ruffling of the fabrics and froze. I looked over at her but she was extremely focused on something else.

"I hadn't planned to," I answered after what felt like a long pause. I slowly went back to trying on the dress that was in my hands.

"Bells, it's your mom's birthday though," she said in concern, still not looking at me directly.

"It was my mom's birthday. Now it's just December 14th," I corrected her. I hadn't been to the cemetery they were buried at since the funeral.

"Do you honestly believe that?" she asked me. I could hear there was some frustration in her voice, but I didn't feel the need to acknowledge it. I didn't understand why this would bother her.

"Yes I do. Besides, if I went there, what would I do?"

"Talk to them," she answered like it was the simplest thing in the world. I glanced at her, surprised to see that she was actually looking at me now.

I didn't bother to really respond to her statement. I didn't want to be having this conversation at the moment. I would talk to Rose about most things, but this wasn't one of them. I was a private person; I didn't talk to anyone about my parents.

"Fine. You win. I'll shut up, but I can't comprehend how you do it." She made it very clear that she was referring to my disregard for the date.

A couple minutes of tense silence passed before low and behold, Rose said just the right thing to break it. "Fuck! I think I just broke this damn zipper! Someone's going to die." I stood on the stool and looked over the wall to see a mad Rose fighting with a zipper of a purple dress. Purple really wasn't her color.

"Oh. Got it." I watched as she zipped it up with ease. I rolled my eyes as angry Rose dissolved into disgusted Rose. I don't know why she tried on the purple. She knew it didn't work on her.

It only took us about an hour, and eventually we both found dresses that worked for us. Mine was a halter, knee length mint green dress that was very twirly on the bottom. I loved it, confident that I would be able to find a tie for Elliot to match.

Rosalie ditched the purple and found a yellow strapless dress that was even twirlier than mine. It had a wide black ribbon under her mid drift. It tied together in a very classy bow and slid halfway down the dress which was roughly the same length as mine.

After we each bought our dresses, we walked down the mall looking for somewhere we could get ties for our dates.

"Why can't they pick out their own fucking ties?" she complained as we left a department store with no luck. I couldn't lie and say I wasn't getting just as annoyed as her.

"If I don't find a tie in the next three minutes he's getting a damn bow tie," I agreed in frustration.

Luckily, we did find a tie shop. It was a very small store, but there were so many ties! It was like a shoe store, but for guys. I wished I wore ties.

The yellows and greens were on the same wall, so we were right next to each other, looking at the many shades and patterns of silk. I just looked at it like I was picking out nail polish.

"I personally think the Ice King and Queen idea is ridiculously stupid," Rosalie sighed as she felt a yellow silk tie.

Every year they had the king and queen of the dance, just like prom and homecoming. They cleverly named it Ice King and Queen, because, here's a shocker – it's icy out during the winter. A week before the dance 12 people are nominated for it: three senior boys, senior girls, junior boys and junior girls.

Rose and I were both nominated along with Angela Webber as the junior girls. Elliot and two other basketball players were nominated for the 11th grade boys.

The night of the dance you were supposed to go fill out your vote at a table they set up in the corner that one of the teachers ran.

"I know," I rolled my eyes, "And the title seems so cruel too. You're the Ice Queen! Whoa. Might as well just say 'royal bitch.'"

"Found one!" Rose exclaimed excitedly, making some of the men currently in the store glance over at her in confusion. I chuckled as she clutched the silk and held it to her dress once again.

"Oh, I agree by the way. I mean, you're totally right. Most of the time the girls that get it are annoying bitchy Barbie's anyway," she said in disgust before strutting over to the counter to buy the tie.

Fortunately I found one that was silver, like the diamond pin and the exact same shade as the dress. After we got shoes, Rosalie called to make appointments at the nail place where we would get pedicures and manicures the day before. Personally, I thought getting the pedicures was just a waste of money. All any girl wore this time of the year were warm, fuzzy boots.

I had started checking the mail box when I got home from school lately. In fact, it had become such a frequent tendency of mine that I now considered it one of my daily rituals. I knew there was an extremely good chance I wouldn't get a response from the Sergeant; the site even warns you of it. But I was still kind of hoping for one.

I had no clue how fast mail got to Iraq. It could be months for all I knew. Or maybe it was fast and he already got the letter.

Rosalie noticed that I had been checking the mailbox when she came over after school, too. She took it upon herself to bring it up as we were getting our nails painted.

"Did you order something in the mail? 'Cause everyday you are checking your damn mailbox," she pointed out as the woman in front of her finished painting her nails with a clear coat that completed the French manicure.

"No, I'm just seeing if I'll get a letter," I responded, trying to come off as impassive. My nails were already done, so I stood up and followed the man that had been doing my nails to the large area where they did pedicures. Rosalie wasn't far behind.

"From who? And what the hell do you mean if?" she questioned as she shook her hands back and forth. She sat down in the large chair next to me as we kicked off our shoes and put our feet in the water for our pedicurists to start on our toes. I'm not going to lie; it was a little strange having a guy rubbing lotion up my leg.

"I wrote a letter to a guy, but he doesn't know me so I'm not sure if he'll write back," I explained to her vaguely, knowing that wasn't the direct answer she wanted. I seemed to have gained the interest of the man filing my toe nails.

The other thing was, I didn't know anything about the guy, and he could be 40 years old with three kids for all I knew. I didn't really have a clear picture in my head, but I had to admit, he was on the younger side in that fuzzy image.

"Well," she sighed, "I suppose it's classier than Internet dating."

I looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "What do you mean? I'm not looking for a boyfriend, just meeting some new people." Well, that was actually a pretty good answer. I mean, I wasn't even lying.

"Whatever you say, Bells. You'll probably end marrying whoever it is," she rolled her eyes as she let her head fall back. I snorted.

"Shut up, you're the one who's secretly in love with Luke." That caused her to glare at me.

"I do not love him! I don't really like basketball players; they're too tall and skinny. I want a more muscular guy," she defended. I looked to see the guy doing my nails smirk, which in turn made me smirk.

"Whatever you say, Rose," I mocked in a voice which made her glare at me more.

Just as I was about to add something else to that remark my phone started to vibrate. I flipped it open carefully so not to destroy my nails. It was a text from Carlisle. I pressed open.

_You got a letter._

* * *

__

While we're young and beautiful  
We'll party down on main street  
Wearing next to nothin'  
Feelin' every heartbeat  
Having fun  
While we're still young and beautiful

It's a crazy ride, baby you and I  
are keepin' our sweet love alive tonight  
While we're young and beautiful

-Young and Beautiful by Carrie Underwood

* * *

Thank you SimplyDazzling!  
Update in a few days...any ideas on Edward's reaction?  
I love your reviews. They make me smiley(:  
***Again, I don't own Any Soldier.


	3. Chapter 3

I felt bad for the guy who was doing my nails. I was anxious the whole time he was doing my right foot. He kept grimacing and I kept trying to apologize but he just shook his head and smiled.

Rosalie noticed my newfound impatience but other than just raising an eyebrow and sitting smugly in her chair, she didn't comment.

As we were pulling out of the nail salon, I began to wonder if it was even from the Sergeant. But then again, who ever uses snail mail anymore? And he would have said something if it was from a college. It was still a little early for that anyways.

After I dropped Rosalie off at her house, I started to push the speed limit just a little bit. Translation: I was doing 40 in a 25.

Carlisle and Esme were both home when I arrived. I pulled up along side Esme's pearl Escalade, pulling my jacket close before getting out of the truck and going through the garage to the mud room.

I had been wearing flip flops so I just kicked them off and took off my jacket before going to the kitchen where they sorted the mail. I didn't even have to ask; Esme who was reading a bill didn't even glance up as she handed me the letter.

I thought I had gotten out without any questioning, about to bolt up to my room, when Esme stopped me. Evidently, Esme was physic.

"You realize I would like that to be explained once you've read it, right?"

I held back a groan. "Uh, yeah."

Sitting down on one of the bar stools, I began to carefully open the letter. A simple white notebook page came out, just like the one I had written him on. I unfolded it and began to read.

_Dear Bella,_

_I was very surprised to receive your letter. The confusion dissolved once you explained it was the AnySoldier program. I had forgotten that I had even made one of those. Thank you for taking the time to write. It was very nice to receive mail, and I enjoyed reading your letter quite a lot as I don't get much._

_My name is Edward Anthony Masen, as you already know. I suppose because you gave me your little autobiography I should give you one as well. I'm 21 years old and have been in the army since I was 19. I will be here until June of 2009 (so about another year and a half), though I will be a member of the army two years after that. My birthday is June 20th and my favorite color is green even though I don't see much of it these days where I am stationed. I'm originally from Chicago, but I only lived there until I was 12, then we moved to the southern part of the state._

_I don't really have family anymore, but the guys out here are all the same types of pain in the asses as family is, so I count them now, I guess. I tried college for a year, and I decided that college wasn't where I should be in life at the time and joined the army a little after that. I have no regrets doing it either._

_You certainly asked a lot of questions in your letter. I was in our rec. room when I was reading this and some of the guys were looking at me weird while I chuckled at how plainly ridiculous some were._

_So, no, I cannot say my alphabets backwards, but one of the guys can burp them, which is always entertaining. . .I do not know how to salsa, nor do I ever really have the desire to learn to. Do I like Christina Aguilera? No, I'm personally more of a fan of a Madonna, though I haven't heard either of them in awhile. And yes, if we didn't have 80's music there would be no point to life. You can say that I am a big fan of that era._

_As for your other questions, life here isn't that bad I suppose. We live in small, 10 by 10 foot rooms and we are the lucky ones. Most of the other guys on base are living in large tents with tons of bunk beds. I share my room with a huge guy, Emmett, who is one of the most annoying people I have ever met and complains about everything. He's always good for a laugh. . .though, mostly inappropriate ones. We have electricity, but if you try to get an Internet connection, you're fucked. (Sorry if you are innocent and don't speak like that. . .I wrote it in pen and can't erase it.) Our hours and shifts are fairly decent. We have one of the strongest units here with our operating power._

_To your other question, yes, we only have one female here in our unit, though she's tougher than half our guys. Her name is Alice, and she's like sister to us (those of us she tolerates that is). The rest of us are all guys, which is way too much testosterone for her to handle if you ask me, but she's a great sport._

_I know you asked for a list of things to be sent, and I have to say that I feel extremely demanding making a list, and that is uncomfortable for me. But it seems like you just want to help; and it would be just annoying for me not to help you I guess. Please don't feel obligated to get any of these things, just ignore it if you want. I won't be offended, trust me._

_As you probably read on that website, hygiene products are difficult to come by, such as shampoo. I'm getting very grizzly because of the lack of razors and shaving cream, though I happen to think it makes me look tougher. . .all of us could use some Tylenol for the headaches you get out here, and Alice is always out when it comes to her time of the month. Some new pillow cases would be fantastic, though we're good on sheets._

_We usually have spare time on base so most of us like to go the recreational room where there are books, poker, and a TV that only works with DVDs. It would be cool to get some new books; most of us like James Patterson or some hunting/outdoor magazines. One of the things that a guy on base suggested was to get a season of episodes of some of the hit TV shows; we're not picky at all. Though we already have seasons 1-9 of Full House. . .don't ask. And candy and sweets is always good, especially with the Christmas season upon us._

_I feel like that's too long of a list, I'm sorry. . ._

_Thank you again for the letter you sent. In this country of despair I enjoyed the small light that it brought. It actually does bring comfort to know there are people like you out there that are thinking of us. Always feel free to send me a letter, I can't say I'm a pretty good ear to listen given the distance, but I enjoyed reading about you very much. You seem like a very nice girl. You don't know how much I appreciated the mail, it couldn't have come at a better time._

_Sincerely,  
Sergeant Masen_

I smiled to myself as I finished the letter and folded it back up, as if it would get better the next time I read it.

Sergeant Masen.

So, he wasn't a 40 years old with children. Or at least he isn't 40, I guess he could have kids, but he didn't say anything about being married or in a relationship. Normally people put that kind of thing in an informative part of their writing.

The Sergeant seemed like a good man. It was the last paragraph that really made me feel giddy. He was also very humble and proud, it was apparent that he didn't like asking for things, things that he really did need.

"'Kay, I want the who and why please. Well actually I know the who, but I am extremely curious of why you are writing to an army Sergeant," Esme said as she sipped her apple cider, looking pointedly at the letter.

I didn't particularly want to explain to her how I found him. It just would make me feel awkward telling her that I wanted to do something good. I don't know how to describe it; I just didn't really want to give her the exact story, not that there even really was one. But I wasn't really worried about judging, just her acknowledging the act. That made me slightly uncomfortable.

"Um, I found a website that gives you soldier's addresses, and you can write to them or send packages as a way of saying thanks, I guess." I rose both my eyebrows nervously, hoping that was a good enough answer.

Esme nodded and took another sip from her mug. "So what can you tell me about this Sergeant Masen?" I blew out my breath in relief that she wasn't going to ask more about 'the why.'

"He's 21, been in the army for almost three years. Um, he doesn't know how to salsa dance and likes Madonna," I confined. Then I gave her a look as I realized that was an awful description.

Esme returned the look with a raised eyebrow before nodding, "That's always good."

I nodded. "Yeah. . ."

"Anything else?" Esme asked after a strange silent moment.

"I kinda want to go shopping and get him some things to send for Christmas," I told her, biting my lip.

"That sounds like a good idea! Do you want me to go with you? I have some cash that I really feel like spending! It's been sitting there for more than two days!" She clapped her hands together in excitement.

I looked at her for a moment before laughing, "You're right, I would go insane if you were like that," I agreed.

"I know right? I just felt like trying it out." She grinned as she took her empty mug to the sink and rinsed it. Esme's thing was to mock the women she met for a book club every month. Carlisle and Esme liked to mock those around them in upper class society who didn't appreciate anything.

"But seriously, do you need some money? I know you used some of your babysitting cash on the dress for the dance," she asked, going over to where her purse was sitting.

"I have some, but…" I trailed off, picking at my soccer sweatshirt.

"Here's 50 bucks, feel free to use it. And Bella? I don't want to get 48 dollars back," she told me seriously, handing me some bills.

"Thanks Es," I beamed at her before standing up with the envelope and letter back in hand, going over to where I had set my bag.

I quickly got to the mall and went straight into Target. Because Target is the best store in the world. It had everything! Need some dog food, a swimsuit, and an iPod? Yeah. Go to Target.

I made a mental list of things that were on _his_ list, and then added some of the things that a majority of soldiers had put on their profiles. It had been about three weeks since I was on that website though, so I was a little foggy.

I got him a nice razor – well it looked pretty nice – and then I got a pack of 5 cheaper ones because if he didn't have one, some of his friends were probably in need too. Then I grabbed a large container of Tylenol for them, and since I knew from experience that it didn't really help with periods I got some Midol for the Alice that he had mentioned.

Then I was at a bit of a bind. I wasn't sure what to get for the shampoo. So as I stood in the health/beauty aisle, I took out my cell phone and dialed Carlisle's number.

"Hey Carlisle."

"What's up, Bells?" he asked. I was glad he wasn't in the middle of something at the moment.

"What shampoo do you use?" That was definitely up there with most awkward moments of my life. The pause over the cell phone was just. . .uncomfortable, for lack of a better word.

"Crew?" He answered in a very baffled voice.

"Kay. . .thanks. . .bye," I hung up and shuddered a little bit. I suppose it was better than him calling and asking what tampons I used.

I found the Crew bottle and grabbed a large one and dropped it into the bright red basket I was carrying. I went to grab some normal pillow cases that I picked out without difficulty. How? I got white ones. Crazy, right?

Then, I went over and picked out a set of three murder mystery books. I had read one of them last year and they were all by the same author, so I assumed the other two were enjoyable. Then I got a hunting magazine, a Sports Illustrated and then just an outdoorsy one that had a bear on the cover. I figured you couldn't go wrong with the bear one.

I grabbed a People for Alice.

I went to the movies, wondering what the hell army guys liked to watch. Probably not any movies about the army…or maybe they loved it? I grew increasingly frustrated.

I decided on Troy, the movie about the Trojan War starring three of my favorite men on the planet; Eric Bana, Brad Pitt and Orlando Bloom. If they didn't like it Alice sure would. And then I grabbed Dodgeball too, because anything Ben Stiller was in was pretty great.

I had already grabbed 10 different boxes of candy and, now I just had the TV episodes. I could see why they would want that – it wasn't like you could really watch TV like you would be able to at home so it made sense. I just didn't know which show they would want.

But it only took me about three seconds to find it. I found _House_ season 1. If they liked the murder mystery then they would love this. It was one of my personal favorite shows. Actually, Carlisle and Esme even like it too. I was surprised we didn't already have the first two seasons. I would have to suggest getting it for Christmas.

After picking out the last of their toiletries, I was done and went to pay for everything. I was very happy after I had my two bags full of stuff. The 'Tis better to give than receive' shit that I've never really thought of really was taking meaning now.

As I was walking through the mall to get back to my truck, I walked past a little store for young teenagers and found a pillowcase that I thought he might like. I smirked the entire time I was paying for it.

After I got home, Esme was there to see what I got. I had only been gone for about an hour. Power shopping; something that Esme had taught me the first year I lived with them. I had no doubt that it would serve much purpose in my life.

"I have a box that will fit this in it," she suggested helpfully. She didn't wait for my response as she went to go to the closet, coming back with a medium sized cardboard box.

"Why are you sending him Midol?" She held up the medicine with the most confused look that I had to burst out laughing. I explained it was for the girl in his unit and she was good again.

"I can take this to UPS tomorrow while you two are at the salon if you want to write a letter tonight?" I smiled and nodded before thanking her for her help and going upstairs to grab my notebook and write a letter back to Edward Masen.

The next day Elliot picked me up for the dance in his truck. Trucks were very popular in this state if you hadn't caught on. . .

"You look really good," he grinned as I opened the door for him. I shivered fiercely as I did this because the cold air stormed in with him. I would like to have a word with the idiot who started this tradition. Who wants to wear a dress in the middle of December?

"Thanks, you don't look too bad yourself." He rolled his eyes as Esme came in with her camera. I grimaced as she smirked at me. I hated pictures, especially in the winter when I was extremely pale.

"Okay, get together. Pretend like you like each other." Elliot chuckled at the irony while I rolled my eyes. We posed for some pictures on the staircase before Esme gave us the approval to go.

When we got to the dance. . .well, it was interesting. I had forgotten that nobody knew we were going to the dance together. So in turn, everyone stared at us in shock, wonder and a lot of jealousy. It did amuse us at first and we were both laughing under our breaths about it, but after the first 9 minutes it was getting old fast.

"Should we dance?" Elliot asked smirking as a girl walked by gapping at me.

"Might as well. . ." I shrugged as he took my hand and we walked over to where everyone else was dancing to an old song.

The night just kept getting more interesting even after all the stares, glares, and slightly awkward dances with Elliot. Halfway through the night, Mr. Cox, my Economics teacher, got onto the stage next to the DJ. I was sure he was going to announce the Ice Royalty. I had voted for two seniors.

"The Ice Queen is. . ." Mr. Cox paused, opening an envelope. I took the moment to look over at Rose who was taking her camera out of her black little bag. "Bella Swan!"

I started politely clapping while rolling my eyes at the girl who had won. . .oh wait.

I might not have even been able to handle how ridiculous it was. But then they actually made me get on the stage. Cox gave me a bouquet of white roses and then placed a silver tiara on my styled hair. I was trying to smile. . .well, trying not to grimace or glare at Rose who was cheering obnoxiously and taking several pictures.

Then, not only did I have to stay on stage, standing there awkward as hell, but to add to that, Elliot won the Ice King. I had a feeling that people thought we were the new power couple of the school.

And still after that, they made us dance together in the middle of a giant circle of people. What song did they play? Forever Young. It was like I was starring in Napoleon Dynamite. But, then again, that's the irony I appreciate.

Elliot was thinking the same thing and all we did was laugh the entire song. Eventually the others joined on the dance floor and I started to feel some of the irritation subside.

"Well, you've kept the girls away. . ." Elliot grinned at me as I put my hands around his neck for a different slow dance.

"And none of my followers have approached either," I grinned back at him.

"Want to fake date?" He suggested. Well, it had already been a weird night, why stop at Forever Young?

"Power couple," I held out my fist in agreement. He smirked before bumping his own to mine.

Ever though I was dancing with one of the most desired boys in the high school, my thoughts drifted thousands of miles away to a soldier in Iraq.

* * *

_Maybe it's time to change_  
_And leave it all behind_  
_I've never been one to walk alone_  
_I've always been scared to try_  
_So why does it feel so wrong_  
_To reach for something more_  
_To wanna live a better life_  
_What am I waiting for?_  
_'Cause nothing stays the same_  
_Maybe it's time to change_  
Maybe by Sick Puppies

SimplyDazzling is great. Just letting you know.  
What do ya think of Edward? I'm extremely curious!  
Happy late Veteran's Day!  
Reviews make me happy.(:


	4. Chapter 4

You know that feeling of Christmas? That feeling of absolute bliss you feel for no apparent reason? It was one of my favorite things in the world.

At the Cullen house we piled on the holiday cheer. This was the one time of the year where Esme allowed herself to be cliché. Carlisle was always ecstatic those two days. When he was an intern at the hospital and lower down on the food chain, he would be forced to work those days; it was the only part of being a doctor he's ever not enjoyed.

I had all my presents for my adoptive parents stashed under the tree. Mine were more Martha Stewart wrapped than Esme's which, lemme tell you, is saying a lot. Because Esme loves that kinda stuuf. But I really liked to wrap things. I don't know why, it was just sort of calming in a sense, and the finished product always looked fantastic.

The three of us all spoiled each other immensely for the holiday. There were over 40 presents under the tree, and luckily, we got a big tree this year. . .

It was the 24th and our house even smelt like Christmas. Esme had bought some pine needle candles just so the whole house smelled like one gigantic Christmas tree. Every time I took a large breath I smiled to myself.

Esme was off in the kitchen staring the roast beef down to make sure it was cooking the exact way she wanted it to. Carlisle, on the other hand, was finishing the wrapping of his gifts and sneaking them under the tree. For his sake we didn't comment and pretended not to notice. He _still_ thought he was getting away with it. . .

I, on the other hand, was sprawled across the couch in my bedroom next to the floor, staring up at the ceiling windows. There was a perfect snow fall coming down softly, but it was still the big, beautiful, fluffy flakes

I propped myself up on my left elbow and flipped open my 10 cent red notebook, clicking on the pen I was lightly chewing on. I had decided that mail was too slow to wait for each one of the Sergeants replies. I hoped he didn't feel under any obligation to write back to me the second he got the letter though. I really preferred that he worried about staying alive.

Long story short, I think he liked my letter so I was going to write more.

Edward was spending his Christmas in Iraq in the desert. Even though he said he didn't have much family, I figured he probably was still missing the normality of Christmas. I was trying to spread cheer. I hoped it would make him sad. . .

_Dear Edward,_

_Merry Christmas! You probably won't get this until the New Year but you've become my diary. Lucky you._

_Do you ever miss high school? Oh man, I sure won't when I graduate. Remember the dance I was telling you about in my other letter? And how I was extremely amused by the royalty? Well, you are now corresponding with the Ice Queen. I even have a tiara. They made us dance to Forever Young like Napoleon Dynamite. I'm not even going to say more on the subject._

_Carlisle and Esme (my adoptive parents) are off doing some last minute Christmas things so I'm up in my room. Carlisle is wrapping our presents, because he always waits until the last minute. . .do all men do that? Esme is cooking our roast and refuses to let me help with anything. Though I really can't cook too well, so it's completely understandable._

_After they finish that we'll have to get ready to go to mass. I'm still grateful that I was adopted into a family that shares my same beliefs. Though they are the most accepting people it probably wouldn't have made a difference in the slightest either way._

_It's snowing at the moment. You grew up in Chicago you said, so you've obviously seen snow. It's coming down softly right now, just coating the ground with giant fluffy flakes. I don't understand how people could be so grumpy about it. I mean, sure it makes the roads icy and it isn't fun to shovel, but it is one of the most beautiful things that I've witnessed._

_It really irritates me when people have their heads so far up their asses that they can't look around and appreciate the natural beauties of our daily life. When the sun sets over the lake at our cabin, it's absolutely gorgeous. And the starry sky at night, away from the city lights, when you look up it feels like you're in a painting. And big fluffy white flakes falling on Christmas Eve. I live for those moments._

_Do you ever find beauty where you are? Sites that just take your breath away? I'd imagine that might be difficult where you're at. But beauty lies everywhere on the earth, including Iraq._

_What is life like where you are? I want to know everything. Write it all down and send me it whenever you can. I'd love to have a better sense of what the men of our country really do go through, good and bad. You and the men with you are the bravest people on this earth, and I hope you all realize that._

_My life isn't that interesting at all, but I guess if I'm asking you to tell me everything about your life I should tell you about mine. Not that it's remotely interesting at all._

_You already know the basics that I told you. I was adopted by Carlisle and Esme Cullen when I was 14 years old, right before I was supposed to start high school. I lived in Ohio, that's where I grew up. My parents died when I was 13, right after I finished 7th grade. I went to orphanage, though it wasn't a shady dark one. It was okay._

_Carlisle was in the state, giving a presentation to the local hospital and visited the orphanage. We talked a little bit and I warmed up to him. The summer before 9th grade him and his wife signed the adoption papers._

_They are upper class citizens and we have a larger than necessary house but I don't want you to form judgments about them. The two of them are the best people you could ever meet. And they hate how people assume they're self righteous. . .though they do often mock those type of people._

_My best friend is Rosalie, she complains about everything from the color of a wall to global warming. She's about as sarcastic as me, which trust me, is saying something. We both are on the soccer and golf team. OH, and she _hates_ blond jokes. I guess they are, quote, "ridiculous and a stereotypical approach of mocking women with the most beautiful color of hair in existence." Rose is just the tiniest bit vain. . ._

_Then there's Elliot. He's my fake boyfriend._

_And that's pretty much it for important people in my life. I'm nice to most students at my school so I consider them friends and vice versa, though silently I can't stand most people. I'm not exactly the most tolerant person and it takes awhile for me to warm up to someone and put up with the annoying little things that I notice when I first meet them. Yeah. . .make of that what you will, I suppose._

_Okay, here are some random things that are not relevant about me at all and I have no clue why I am writing them down. I don't like feet. My feet are fine but other people's feet just gross me out. I am the best water skier ever to ski the waters. When I was 12 I had a crush on my 6th grade teacher; he was a very attractive man. I don't like America's Funniest Videos, the show just irritates me. And I hate black nail polish. . .because I know you were curious._

_Some relevant things about me that could actually be points of interest are, my favorite album is the self titled Boys Like Girls album, but it feels like I'm from the 80's, so therefore my iPod is completely full of everything from Boy George to Joan Jett. Like I said before, I'm on the varsity golf team, Rose and I are captains, and next year I'll be the captain of the soccer team. My favorite television shows are American Idol and House (if you hadn't got that from the box I sent you). I'm also a history nut. My favorite book. . .I don't really know actually. I can tell you that I'm not a huge fan of any of the classics; I tried to read them when I was younger and it just left me bitter that I couldn't understand them._

_I hope life is good for you where you are right now. Carlisle's done with presents so I'm off to church. I'll say an extra prayer for you and your squad._

_'Till later,_

_Bella_

I smiled to myself before carefully tearing out the page that was written on both the front and back. I hopped off the couch and went over to my desk to grab an envelope. I carefully wrote down the address and his name before sliding the paper gently into it. I sealed it shut, setting it down and going over to my closet.

My closet wasn't as typical as you would think. I was not a spoiled little rich girl. I had boundaries and so did Carlisle and Esme. I made money from babysitting and other various jobs, and I used that money to buy the things that I wanted. Both of them would give me some money if I asked, but what's the point? I didn't need 13 pairs of high heels; no one did.

I grabbed a knee length sweater dress that Esme had gotten me last Christmas and put it on. "Are we going to do the matching thing again?" Esme hollered from somewhere down the hall.

"I'm wearing purple," I called back as I smoothed the dress over my body. It was long sleeved and would look good with Esme's black high heel boots. She called them her hooker boots but I thought they were pretty tasteful. . .okay, well not _entirely_.

"We'll coordinate then!" she responded cheerfully before I heard her disappear into her bedroom.

Turns out we were pretty damn coordinated. Esme let me borrow her boots, and then she wore a white pretty shirt with business black slacks and smaller black boots. Here's the amusing part; she made Carlisle wear a tie identical to the color to my dress with a white shirt and a black sports jacket.

"No wonder some people didn't like us. We looked like a flippin' Macy's add," I pointed out as we went to grab our coats. The sun had already set in the half hour which we had taken to get ready.

"They don't hate, they appreciate," Esme countered with a coy grin.

Carlisle made it a point to roll his eyes over dramatically. "Whatever you say sweetie, come on, let's go we, don't want to miss another of Father Peter's _ever_ exciting sermons." I chuckled. Father Peter. . .oh that man.

"Wait, don't you think we should get a picture? I mean, this year I actually have a resolution to do some more scrap-booking. It's not like I don't scrapbook at all it's just kind of rare, you know–" Carlisle cut off Esme's strange ramble by helping her into the Escalade and shutting the door.

"She's not drunk, is she?" I asked as I caught up to them in the freezing garage.

"I don't think so, but who knows how much wine she had while starring at that damn roast," he responded with a sigh. I rolled my eyes as he opened the back car door for me.

"Just don't let Father Peter notice," I grinned back at him before he shut the door and shook his head with a full blown smirk.

Church was a beautiful service as usual. Our church went all out for the three masses they had for the holiday. The reason we all laughed at the mention of Father Peter was because he was a very young priest who thought he knew everything. His homilies never really made any sense, and they were extremely hard to follow. I mean, one minute he's talking about a rabbit, then the beach before he's talking about a wagon and then some turtles.

When we got home, Esme made us take a picture by the giant Christmas tree. It was actually a cute picture with Carlisle in the middle of us, bringing the whole purple, white, and black deal together.

Esme's cooking was amazing, if that hadn't already been made clear. It was such a Christmas meal that I fell in love. And for her gourmet dessert, we had the sugar cookies that we frosted earlier that morning. They were still so fresh and delicious. We only made them once a year because otherwise the three of us all gained like 5 pounds from the treats.

"What are you doing?" I asked while biting into my bright pink bell cookie. Carlisle was getting out of his chair and putting some more cookies onto a small decorative plate.

"Putting cookies out for Santa," he grinned, still stocking the plate full. I think he was about to a dozen by now.

"Bullshit!" I complained, "what a lame answer. It means that you will sneak downstairs at 2 AM on Christmas to eat your weight in sugar cookies."

"That's a relevant objection. . ." Esme agreed. Carlisle frowned, looked at the stack of cookies he was going to set out and sighed sadly.

He took this as an opportunity to add in a little fun fact that he had learned probably at medical school. "Technically it's impossible to eat your weight in something. Your stomach would–"

"You would try," I cut him off.

"Besides the point. . ." he complained.

"It is not beside the point! It's exactly the original point that I was trying to make in the first place," I argued exasperatedly. Esme leaned back in her chair with a glass of wine and a smirk on her lips.

"Actually I was referring to the point that _I_ was trying to make. You interrupted, therefore, what you said was literally beside the point," Carlisle contradicted, going all smart ass on me.

"It can't be beside the point when I was trying to return back to the point I was making before _you_ interrupted," I argued with him.

Esme cleared her throat softly looking thoroughly confused. She held up a finger while her eyebrows furrowed, "Um, _what_?"

"Never mind, this is all irrelevant anyways," I apologized sheepishly, picking up the bright pink cookie to resume eating. Carlisle agreed remorsefully after he sat back down at the table.

We cleared the table after we were all extremely full. After the dishes were in the dish washer I started to head behind Esme to the living room where the tree and presents were.

I glanced back, ready to call Carlisle when I noticed what he was doing. He was placing the huge stack of cookies in the highest cabinet where neither Esme nor I could reach without a stool.

"Unbelievable!" I glared at the stash of goodies while Carlisle whipped around.

"If you don't tell Es I'll share the stash with you," he offered with a pleading smile. I rolled my eyes and lost the playful glare.

"Fine. But if it isn't evenly shared I'm going to ask Esme to make Mexican food every day of the week." Carlisle hated Mexican food. Like if he had a list of 100 dislikes, Mexican food would be 17, right before the nurses at his hospital.

"Fair enough," he agreed in defeat. I smirked before turning and rushing to keep up with Esme. Carlisle was right behind me, neither of us wanting to tip her off on what had just transpired.

We were a very competitive family.

On Christmas Eve we each got to open one present and save the rest for tomorrow morning. Esme started it after I came and suggested it. It was like the thrill of waiting for Santa Clause to come. It was like the saying, _life is about the journey_.

Well not really like that saying at all, actually.

I'm trying to say that it prolonged the excitement of not knowing what you're going to get. Yeah. That was it.

The present I picked to open was from Esme because it looked fairly harmless. Carlisle opened one of Esme's as well and Esme grabbed the box where I had wrapped a handmade jewelry box that I had bought at an art fair last summer.

Esme had gotten me a bikini that was really cute. I had no idea where she found a store that sold swimsuits in the middle of December, but I loved it regardless. It was teal with light green and some dark pinks all swirled together in one of those vintage design patterns. She got Carlisle a really nice silk tie.

After we were changed out of our coordinating clothes we went back downstairs and followed tradition. I put the two Santa Clause movies in the player (the Tim Allen ones) while Esme whipped up egg nog and we sat around and watched the movies until midnight when we finally went to sleep.

The next morning, Christmas morning we all went downstairs and did the typical American thing of ripping open presents. I was sitting with my various gifts surrounding me and a giant beam on my face when Carlisle stood up and told me he was going to get my last present.

I hoped it was a puppy.

Esme rolled her eyes and opened the perfume that Carlisle had given her to sniff it. That was another thing about Carlisle and gifts; he normally got me and Esme very similar stuff. I got the same type of perfume in a different smell, just like the set of nail polishes and gift cards to the same places.

Carlisle walked back in the room, still wearing his flannel black pajama pants and white t-shirt. Something was hidden behind his back. I straightened up and tried to see what it was.

Grinning, Carlisle revealed what he was hiding. I broke out into a huge grin as I saw the new shiny silver club. It was a golf driver that I had been looking at for weeks at the pro shop. I was so excited I leaped up and hugged him anxiously.

Carlisle laughed as he hugged me back and handed me the club. He had even gotten a hot pink grip that matched my putter.

"It feels perfect," I beamed as I tested out the grip and weight of the club, even though I'd tried it out so many times that it wasn't a surprise. "When can we go to the Sky Dome?"

The Sky Dome was like a giant white bubble. It was opened mostly in the golf off-season and was basically an indoor driving range. I went at least once a week for a couple of hours to hit a bucket of balls. They also had a pro shop where my new driver lived for the previous part of its life.

"They wouldn't really open it on Christmas would they?" Esme sighed exasperatedly. She golfed just like Carlisle and I and she was extremely supportive to it, but she always commented about how our family should be just a little more rounded.

"Movie theaters are open today," I said matter-of-factly with a shrug as I took another small cautious swing.

Esme huffed quietly and gave us both a stern look, "Let me rephrase that: no Dome today." I rolled my eyes and hugged Carlisle again. I thanked them both for the extensive amount of presents that I didn't need at all.

As I was tiding up the wrapping paper, idly I wondered if Edward and his unit got my package in time for the holiday. Or any other packages for that matter.

* * *

_Have yourself a merry little Christmas,_  
_Make the Yule-tide gay,_  
_From now on, _  
_Our troubles will be miles away._

_Through the years _  
_We all will be together,_  
_If the Fates allow_  
_Hang a shining star upon the highest bough._  
_And have yourself A merry little Christmas now.  
_-Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

* * *

-So, not much happening in this chapter; sorry. But I'm thinking I'll update sooner because I feel a little bad. But you gotta plead with SimplyDazzling (my oh so lovely beta) to get the chapter edited!  
-This is the third letter Bella's written to Edward, NOT the second!  
-Edward misses you all. Alice is ready to say hi next chapter!  
-As always, lemme know what ya think!(:


	5. Chapter 5

SimplyDazzling is great. Yay. We good? Cool.  
Enojy(:

* * *

Winter break went by much too fast for my taste. I hung out around the house for the most part. Esme and I went to a couple movies, Carlisle and I finally got to the golf dome, and Rose and I met to exchange the presents we got each other. I even went to an ice rink with Elliot.

It was exactly what I would have wanted. I was kind of a homebody; I didn't like to be out with bunches of different friends every day of the week or go to all the parties hosted. I went to some and so did Rose but neither of us really loved to be really surrounded with people at all times.

School was going fine, and my grades were admittedly pretty good. There was nothing lower than my one B+ in health. Oh how I completely and unconditionally loathed that class. . .

It was January 10th when I got my response from Edward. It had been almost a month since I'd heard from him and I was just as anxious as I was the first time to read his letter. Carlisle really had to stop texting me in warning that I had mail during school; it just made my leg bounce the entire day.

Rosalie noticed while I was driving to her house but otherwise didn't make a comment. Just a raised eyebrow that told me everything I needed to know; _I'm so not going to push this right now because you'll probably run me over but you are so going to spill and soon._

I rolled my eyes and waved as Rose got out of the truck. Then I was speeding home again. This time I was pushing 20 miles over the speed limit. I cringed as I glanced at the speedometer and slowed back down to 30 miles per hour.

I pulled into the driveway to see that Esme's Escalade was once again in its parking spot in the garage.

Why was Esme home again? I grimaced and sighed before grabbing my backpack and jumping down out of the truck.

The warm air of the house swirled around me and wrapped me in it as I entered the mud room. I smiled slightly to myself and pulled off my boots and dropped my backpack to the floor. Esme was sitting at the island with a bowl of M&M's next to her. She held the letter out without even glancing my way. I snatched it out of her hand and went to the counter to read it.

_Dear Bella,_

_Merry (very belated) Christmas to you! I got all three of your letters and the package as well. You are one of the most generous people I have ever come into contact with. Your package arrived on the 25th, not Christmas morning but around noon so it was great. I didn't expect you to get every little thing I suggested. I wasn't expecting anything, actually. I'm not sure how to thank you enough. I haven't had a package addressed to me ever._

_Everyone loves you over here. I divided the boxes of candy up for them but stashed the tootsie rolls under my bed. I haven't had them in months, and they're one of my favorites. Ah, you can imagine how great that tasted. My roommate Emmett also took it upon himself to take the Sour Patch Kids that you sent. He crammed those down his mouth in minutes._

_The guys put Dodgeball in the player as soon as they saw it. Very nice choice, by the way. Alice lost that fight, her wanting to watch Troy and being sadly outnumbered. I gave the Midol to her and she was very grateful. The guys feel the same about the Tylenol, headaches and irritation have already decreased around here. That is the best gift you could possibly give._

_I gave Alice the People magazine too. After I read the whole thing from cover to cover of course. . .I put in the letter Alice wanted to write you as thanks. It's pretty much from the rest of the guys too. They just aren't as good with writing things down._

_My beard got shaved off thanks to the razor. I think I lost some edge now that I don't look as tough but I don't like my face feeling like a dog's ass, so I'm feeling pretty good. Emmett and a man from another unit are thankful as well. Emmett with a beard is seriously bad ass. He's a big guy. I mean like more the size of a bear that a normal human. Though his dimples give him away. . ._

_I started the one of the books you sent me. Perfect taste once again. I am actually familiar with the author of these books and have read some of her previous books. I'm glad that you picked them. The guys already have a House schedule planned out (anything other that Full House brings tears of joy to our eyes). We are watching two episodes a week as of now, I guess._

_You managed to nail anything possibly requested amazingly. Hopefully you know I mean that, because I don't make up shit to make people happy. I'm generally a pretty honest person._

_Though on a side note, I gave Alice the Orlando Bloom pillowcase. Where does one ever find one of those? I mean honestly, did you order that from the Internet or something? Don't get me wrong, Alice loves the guy, but I on the other hand am suffering through many wisecracks made at the expense of Orlando and me._

_So Ice Queen, huh? Sounds like a pretty big deal to me (I wonder if my sarcasm conveys over letters). What a great title to put on college applications and future job interviews. Are you planning to go to college? You seem like a smart girl, but I don't want to be presumptuous. I might try it again. I mean three years to get a degree isn't that bad at all, I just didn't feel right when I went to school._

_Rosalie sounds a lot like my best friend. It's great that the two of you share the same interests. I'm not going to say you don't suck at sports because that would be a lame ass response, but honestly varsity captain in both sports you play? I'm sure you're just awful._

_Carlisle and Esme sound like great parents, you're lucky to have them. I don't make judgments about people I've never met before so don't worry. Though that's not to say I don't silently make judgments about people the second I do meet them, (one of my flaws I suppose). Carlisle sounds like a great dad, though I really have nothing to compare him to. It was mostly just me and my mom the whole time I was growing up. But she was my best friend regardless._

_I have never heard of Boys like Girls songs, are they girly? We mostly hear the same music around here since some of the guys brought over CDs like Led Zeppelin, Queen, Simple Plan and Brad Paisley. I still don't know how I feel about country music. At times I think I'm warming up to it and then I just feel like a hillbilly. I wish we had some Joan Jett over here; I'm quite a fan of her._

_Thank you for the prayers Bella. Sincerely. My shift is about to start and I wanted to get this letter sent to you as soon as possible. I'll tell you more about my life over seas next letter, promise. Enjoy the snow._

_Sincerely,  
__Sergeant Masen_

I automatically smiled. I looked over at Esme who was also grinning but she was grinning down at her flower catalog. I rolled my eyes and grabbed the envelope that still had Alice's note in it.

Again I laughed. It was written on pink cherry blossom stationary. It was lovely and cute, I'll admit, though I just can't imagine someone bringing specific paper over to war zone. It was very cheery though. And I had to say, I was getting more and more curious about this Alice.

The handwriting on this was much more feminine than the other letter. I'm talking extreme over exaggerated swirls and loops. It was pretty. Though this would normally annoy me because I got really irritated when girls tried to be cute and spent hours perfecting their handwriting to look like it. It's not logical but then again I'm 17 and don't really have to be.

_Dear Bella,_

_Hey! I'm Alice! I'm not sure if Edward has said anything about me, and if it's good. . .well it's all true. If he was mean, then just ignore it! I swear sometimes he is too moody for his own good._

_I wanted to personally thank you for the Midol! I mean I'm extremely grateful for the other stuff but the Midol was like getting a new car over here. It's really inconvenient when you are getting your period every three weeks in the heat of the desert. But I'll be all smiles from now on. I feel compelled to tell that the guys all want to marry you for sending that now._

_I also love the People! I haven't read one of those in ages, and it's good to be caught up on the happenings of people that I don't care about. I mean that sorta literally, meaningless stuff is so welcome after all the sites you see during your shifts. I can't wait for my tour to be over._

_But that's not too important to you and I'll stop rambling about it. I love the Orlando Bloom pillowcase way too much for my own good. And I can't wait to pop Troy in the player, you definitely know your shopping, I'll tell you that. Shirtless men are always good, especially when sword fighting. . ._

_Thanks again! It is totally appreciated here! Especially for me. Nice talking to you!_

_Alice (:_

Alice was certainly very animated, at least from her note. I smiled to myself, excited from hearing from her. I set down the pink paper and was about to read over Edward's letter once more. Then I realized that I still had an audience, an audience who was trying her hardest to look interested at the magazine in front of her.

Rolling my eyes but not losing my smile I cleared my throat. Esme looked up innocently with wide eyes. I gave her a pointed look.

"So, how's Edward?" Esme asked as if she had no interest in the subject. I smirked at her.

"He's fine, his squad loved the gifts," I told her while absentmindedly folding the two papers back up. I placed them back into the slightly rumpled envelope. Esme was planning her next comment as I did this.

"That's great! I'm glad. Why the pink paper?" I realized as of now things weren't looking very good for Edward, well in Esme's eyes anyway. I mean she saw me send him an Orlando Bloom pillowcase, a movie with a bunch of shirtless guys wearing skirts, including Mr. Bloom, and I told her he loved Madonna.

"It's from a female soldier in his squad," I told her, trying to convey that I was pretty sure he was straight.

"Oh, okay," she responded lightly with a satisfied smile. I was about to leave up to my room when she stopped me. I let out a huge huff and turned to face her. "I hope you realize that I'm not pressing you about this guy because he's only written you two letters, but you'll be answering some questions eventually." Esme trying to be stern was like seeing a small puppy intimidate somebody.

"Gotcha," I spun back around. Grabbing my backpack, I darted upstairs with the letter in my hand. I always liked to write back as soon as I could so I didn't put it off. That and I wanted a faster reply.

I took out my notebook and propped my back against my bed headboard. It didn't take me long at all to write my response to him. It was a page front and back just like I normally did. I asked him some questions about Alice; I mainly wanted to know if she had any family that was writing to her.

As I was writing the last paragraph of the letter I wrote: _I just got some pictures developed, thought you might want to see who I'm talking about_. Then I _realized_ that I wrote that and I mentally slapped myself. And worse, I realized that I should really invest on some pencils to write these letters because pen sure as hell doesn't erase.

As a result of that sentence I actually had to go and find the pictures I developed and find the best ones. I got the one of me and Elliot at the dance, mostly because I thought he would get a laugh out of the crown. I picked out the family picture we took at Christmas and then I was looking for a picture of Rose and me.

There were no recent pictures that I liked at all. And honestly, I wasn't sure if I was actually trying to impress him, but I really didn't want to send the picture from after our soccer games where we're drenched in sweat. So I started looking months back. Idly I was glad that I took time to actually organize a photo box.

Finally I found one that my golf coach took before a meet last year. I was wearing a wide pink headband in my hair that was down because I hadn't put it up yet. I was wearing a form fitting white collared shirt and then a golf skirt that was identical to the headband. And Rose was next to me decked out in orange and white plaid. I loved the picture because I wasn't even looking at the camera directly, we were both laughing at something he had said when he was taking the picture.

After labeling them on the backs I tucked them in the envelope with the letter. I looked at the time on my phone and let a profanity slip. I was supposed to meet Carlisle at the Sky Dome for a little bit and Rose was meeting us there as well. I hadn't realized that the designated time was five minutes away.

I did get there in time, though I had absolutely no freaking clue how I did. The roads were like driving on an ice rink. And I wasn't being too careful. I knew it was dangerous but I was relying on the still new tires that weren't worn much at all. I pulled into the parking spot right next to Carlisle's truck and hopped out.

"You forgot," Carlisle accused me as I walked through the front doors. He was to the left in pro shop and my bag was sitting right there with all my clubs accounted for.

"Of course not," I inhaled deeply, completely contradicting my reply. Carlisle shook his head with fond exasperation. That doesn't seem like the right word choice but I'll roll with it.

"The roads were really icy," I mumbled lamely. I hadn't even had time to put my hair up. So I started gathering my hair up to tie in a simple pony tail.

"I'm sure Esme, if I called and asked, would tell me you left about three minutes ago and sped through the dangerously slippery roads, wouldn't she?" What was with these two pretending to lecture me? It was getting old. . .

"There's a very likely chance that she may say that. . ." I told him with an apologetic, overly toothy smile.

"Thought so," he rolled his eyes. I grinned at him.

Hitting golf balls was one of the most therapeutic things you could do. It let you relieve stress and tension and every swing you took. Granted, I was going to have a ridiculously screwed up back when I was older, it still felt great.

Carlisle normally hit some balls in the lane next to me if it wasn't too busy. Otherwise he would just watch and help when I whined about how much I sucked. He was really a huge help and I was fortunate that he was so willing to help.

The reason I loved golf so much, well the sentimental reason mind you, was that it kept me connected. My dad Charlie loved golf. He used to take me to a small course that we lived by in Ohio and he taught me from when I was seven up until he passed away. He was thrilled when I went out for golf my 7th grade year and went to my meets and walked along. It was something he was passionate about.

Golf kept my past and my present nicely together. It connected my dad and my adoptive dad. Carlisle was just as passionate about the game as my dad was. It was how Carlisle and I really formed a bond over the years. It reminded me of my past while at the same time, reminding me to live in the future.

But that was just my deep answer.

My shallow answer would be: I love to golf because it's something that I can kick ass in.

"That driver's working great," Carlisle commented as I teed a yellow range ball up.

"I _love_ it!" I replied enthusiastically. Carlisle grinned while I set myself up for a shot. Just as I was lined up and the club was in the air, as I was starting to come down on it, I was interrupted.

"Swan!"

I finished my swing, totally messing up as the ball flew to the other side of the dome. I didn't even need to turn to know who it was. Only one person pronounced my last name 'Sa-wannn.'

My coach had just walked through the revolving door with his bag over his shoulder and a Mountain Dew in hand. He was dressed in his normal attire. The man never wore anything except brightly colored polo's. Today it was purple with a white belt and jeans.

"Hey Brenner," I sighed, trying to playfully show him that I wasn't happy he messed up my shot.

Brenner let out a low whistle as he looked my driver over. "Nice club." I was just about to thank him when he decided to add, "Too bad you can't hit it." We had a very strange, not really encouraging relationship. Don't get me wrong, I loved it. I couldn't stand compliments.

"Bah, that last shot was _your_ fault!"

"I don't see how you could blame me. I was just a bystander," he held out his free hand in defense. I rolled my eyes.

I scoffed. "Yeah, one who enjoys yelling."

"That was not yelling." Now _he_ rolled his eyes. Brenner seemed to have a ridiculous notion that I was far too over dramatic. Carlisle smirked from behind him. I just stared at him in irritation.

"Calm down." I was convinced he should trade mark that phrase. You know when you're annoyed the last thing you want to hear is to relax or calm down? Brenner, however, said it in a voice that you just had to chuckle; just a little though. "Now let me see you hit the club."

I raised an eyebrow at the challenge but teed up the ball. He went to stand next to Carlisle. It was kind of amusing how contrasting the two looked. Carlisle got pale in the winter, and that with his blond hair was funny to look at next to Brenner's brown hair (which he always had a hat on) and tanned skin. It was only tan 'cause he went to Mexico. . .but still.

Lining up with the ball I took a breath. Then, the club came into contact with the ball and it went flying. I was aiming for a banner, and it happened to hit the right side a little bit. But it did hit the banner.

"Good," Brenner nodded with a satisfied grin, then he turned serious. Kinda. "Work on the right slice or Rosalie's captain and you get demoted to JV."

"Go away!" I laughed. He nodded to me with a smirk and went down to his lane. Carlisle was chuckling and I just shook my head.

Rosalie got dropped off just as Carlisle was heading back to work. She stretched after she set down her bag in the lane next to mine. We always talked while hitting through the balls. This time, Rosalie wasn't dropping the mystery man thing.

So I told her the basics, just enough to satisfy her inquisitive side. I was hitting my 9 iron amazingly as I told her about the website and the soldier who I was befriending.

"Is he attractive?" Rosalie asked curiously. I couldn't see her face because she was in the lane behind me. After I struck the ball again I turned to give her a look.

"How in the hell am I suppose to know? I literally have no clue what he looks like." I didn't see her reaction because I turned back to hit another ball.

"Stop chasing boys you two," Brenner warned with playfully narrowed eyes. I shook my head and then looked up and narrowed my eyes back at him.

"Bella's chasing one across the ocean," Rosalie said smugly. I had no clue why she was so smug considering she was about to get my 9 iron upside her blond pony-tailed head.

"Don't wanna know." He walked away holding both his hands up for us to stop and shaking his head. There was a lot of head shaking that went on during the season.

"You had to say that?" I sighed.

"You know it's just because I want one…" Rosalie responded. I was trying to measure the tone of her voice.

"You're serious?" I asked, totally baffled her serious expression.

"Of course. Do you know if Edward has any friends I could write to?" She was actually serious. Hmm, who would have thought?

"I can check I guess." She smiled and thanked me brightly before concentrating on her shot. I was just extremely confused and the befuddled expression stayed on my face the rest of the time we were there.

I wrote Edward another, smaller letter a few days later.

_Dear Edward,_

_Got any friends for Rose?_

* * *

_This is the war that's never won_  
_This is a soldier and his gun_  
_This is the mother waiting by the phone,_  
_Praying for her son_

_Pictures of you, pictures of me_  
_Hung upon your wall for the world to see_  
_Pictures of you, pictures of me_  
_Remind us all of what we used to be_  
-Picture of You by The Last Goodbye

* * *

Happy late Thanksgiving!  
I'm sorry we haven't gotten much E & B, but thanks for being patient! On the bright side you met Brenner! I love that man...  
I am curious what you guys think Emmett's going to be all about though...(:  
Reviews make my day(:


	6. Chapter 6

January went by extremely fast. I was going to the Sky Dome more with Carlisle and Rose. The entire school was convinced that Elliot and I were dating which was perfect. The boys chasing me? Well, they were still there but they didn't have the nerve to ask me out anymore. And the ones I tolerated still talked to me all the time, though now with much more boundaries.

Anyway, basketball season was in full swing. Our school's team was doing amazing, barely ever being defeated. And I, being the star player's "girlfriend," was expected to go to all of the games and pretend to be as in love as possible with Elliot. I liked him a lot as a friend, but the act on the other hand was starting to get pretty damn old.

I was right about one thing I said weeks ago at the dance. We were the school's favorite couple. Every other couple wanted to go on double dates with us; everyone wanted the two of us to go to their parties. It was flattering and yet really annoying at the same time.

At the beginning of February I had already gotten two letters from Edward. They weren't in response to the one I sent on the 10th, instead they were about his time at training camp. I always found myself laughing my head off at the stories he would tell. At the same time though, it bothered me that I couldn't really picture anything in my head. I could imagine the scene and some of the other people he'd described, but I had no idea what the Sergeant even looked like.

I had gotten a hang of the pattern of the mail. Edward's camp wasn't that remote and he stayed in the same place, so they were pretty good at getting mail there quickly. I should have gotten a response before January ended. When I didn't, I started to get nervous, and then I got embarrassed for sending him pictures. He probably didn't care what the hell I looked like. God, he'll just think I'm some needy little girl. I definitely felt like one.

That was another thing. I didn't really like when he called me a girl in his letters. Even if it was a compliment, it wasn't all that flattering. Girls were older than toddlers but younger than women. I was a woman, a young one granted, but a woman nevertheless. It didn't really bother me per say. . .I had just noticed it as an observation.

All these things were running through my head as I sat on the couch in our living room. I was flipping through channels on the TV and kept stealing glances out the wide windows. I was anxious for the mail truck to come. That was, if I didn't scare Edward off. Which I probably had.

Right as I was about to chide myself for being an idiot. . .for the ninth time, the mail truck pulled up to our mailbox. I got up from the couch, anxious to see if there was a letter addressed from Iraq for me.

There was.

I grinned the whole way up the driveway. Yeah there were some bills for Carlisle and Esme and some magazines, but I wasn't remotely interested in those. I wondered if Alice had written anything back, because the envelope was slightly thicker than normal. Maybe he had just written a longer letter than usual.

I sat back down on the couch after dropping the other various mailings on the counter where Esme always sat. This was the first time I was going to be able to read a letter without Esme sitting in the exact same spot, raising an eyebrow at me. And that eyebrow just seemed to be getting more and more pointed. I wasn't sure if it was smug, amused or even knowing.

Opening the envelope gently with my thumb my suspicions were confirmed. There was another pink stationary floating next to the notebook paper filled with Edward's handwriting. I stared at the two papers for a moment, silently debating which one to read first. Decided, I grabbed Edward's letter first.

I settled back into the couch with the grin back on my face. Then I started to read yet another piece of Edward's life.

_Dear Bella,_

_Nice to hear from you as always. Sorry this letter is going to reach you a few days late. My notebook was all filled up so it took me a little while to locate one. Basic stuff like that is difficult to find here. And I refused to use Alice's little fruity, pink, frilly paper. I gotta draw a line somewhere._

_Speaking of the devil, I bet you already noticed that Alice wrote you a letter herself. I figured because you were curious about her, she was the better one to answer those questions. A lot of us over here joined the army to get away from our pasts and personal life. None of us really talk much about our lives back home, unless they have normal American stereotypical lives. One of the guys in my squad has a little girl who we all like to hear stories of, and we pretty much all adopted her as our niece. The innocence of those stories is so welcomed by everyone._

_I'm not sure how much you know about military shit. Which I really shouldn't be referring to that as considering I'm a sergeant, but it's for lack of a better word. So I guess I should start to explain some things._

_A sergeant commands a squad of nine or ten privates. In my case, I have ten soldiers that I am in charge of. Alice would be an example of a private, though she's tougher than our company captain. My job is to make sure that my guys (and Alice) get home to their moms._

_This is my second tour – my first one I was a private. Coming back, I was recommended to lead a squad of my own by my previous lieutenant. You gotta work your way slowly up the ranks in the army world._

_But, back to the squads; after squads comes the second smallest structure of the army which is a platoon. Typically they are made up of two to four squads and lead by a lieutenant. The two other sergeants in my platoon are Emmett and Jasper. Emmett is my roommate who I mentioned before. His squad and mine were given the luxury of a building to live in. Jasper's out with his squad in the trailers. We are all led under our lieutenant Peter._

_Then you typically stick three to five platoons together under one captain and you get a company. Our company has roughly 125 men and 5 women. Alice is the only women in our platoon of 32. Even though she doesn't admit it, I'm fairly convinced that she loves it._

_I'm not supposed to have favorites as a sergeant, but Alice is my favorite. Being an only child, she's such a pain in the ass that it's almost like having a sister. At least I assume so; I have nothing to compare it to._

_I think that that's enough army stats for the moment. It's so much easier to write about other things in these letters – they're more like escapes from the army world. I have the same country pride as everyone here it's just hard to show as much enthusiasm as the young privates on their first tours._

_Tell me more about your life, Bella. Does that sound intense? God, I hate not being able to use the right tones when I'm talking to someone. You definitely don't have that problem at all. I get when you're being sarcastic right away. . .At least I think so. You write describing yourself perfectly, in my head it feels like I know you. I mean, more than just letters back and forth. I don't know how to get a clear picture of you in my head._

_Did I mention I suck at this? Because if I didn't, I think that paragraph right there just told you everything you need to know._

_I'll just go back to what you said in your letter, it seems like a better start. Do I have any friends for Rose?_

_Gee, thanks for the elaboration there._

_If you mean army friends that would appreciate some letters addressed to them every once in awhile, then yes I do. If you mean single friends, then yes I do. Either way I would say the same person though. Sergeant McCarthy. Informally know as Emmett, my infamous roommate._

_I wrote his email address on the back if you want to give it to her even though Internet connection is extremely funky. It's usually only up for a few minutes at the most. So Emmett installed a program on his laptop that automatically sends his emails whenever the connection is working. Pretty handy actually. I suggested the email approach for Rose because Emmett really isn't all that patient when it comes to waiting for letters or anything._

_I don't have much more to add. . .sorry. You're better at giving me things to write. Answering your questions is the easiest, and I love hearing about your life. I hope you don't need me to ask questions about everything. I'd rather you just tell me the stuff you want to._

_Your pictures are. . .beautiful. Thanks for sending them to me. I never would have worked up the nerve to ask for anything like that, so I'm glad I have a picture of you smiling in my head now. It was nice to see Esme, Carlisle and Rose to. If they ever ask about me tell them I say hello._

_Sincerely,_

_Sergeant Masen_

Under his ever prominent signature was Emmett's email address. I would text Rose later. In the back of my mind I wondered why he always ended his letters that way. Mine were always changing.

I set the letter onto the coffee table, setting it alongside Alice's letter which I decided to read momentarily. Tea sounded really good at the moment. I was a bit of a tea fanatic; I had been since I was about 12. Esme enjoyed it as well, so we were fairly well stocked up at the Cullen house.

I didn't feel like turning on the stove so I grabbed a mug from one of the top shelves and filled it with tap water. Placing it in the microwave I pressed a few buttons and then shut the door.

While I was opening the mint tea bag I thought about Edward's letter. I had noticed that he referred to Alice as a woman. Though I wasn't referred to a girl this time (at least I thought not), I noticed that he was very hesitant and almost unwilling to share information about his personal life. That wasn't a bad thing; I could accept that I was somewhat open with my life and others weren't, but Edward just seemed closed off.

I thought next about his last paragraph. Repeating it in my head I wondered what to make of it. I made a note to pick apart that later. Was beautiful stronger than pretty? But he had made a joke about being intense; this could be one of those things he was talking about.

My musings were interrupted by the loud shrill of the microwave.

Once I had my honey stirred in with steaming water, I settled back into the couch. I took a sip of the hot drink and shuddered a little as the extremely warm water traveled down my throat. Then I set the drink down to cool and picked up the shorter letter that Alice had written.

In my previous letter to Edward I had asked him more about Alice. I had even wondered if she needed some items personally. I was curious about this "woman" – I inwardly sighed at that – and how she was living over there. I hadn't really expected a response from her, but I was kinda excited about it.

_Bonjour Bella,_

_I'm not French, but I've always wanted to go there. Besides the point though. I just didn't want to use dear. It sounds too formal._

_When Edward started asking me if my supply on tampons was good I figured it would be everyone's best interest that I write you a reply myself. We have tampons here, but they're not good quality at all. I'm shuddering right now as I write this. Tampax would be amazing!_

_I hate to ask for anything, I'm generally a pretty proud person, but with very little contact in the states I am on my own getting things I need. I really need some ponytail holders; they have to be really dark brown, almost black. Unfortunately they have to be the same color as our hair so no brightly colored ones. Um, some chap stick too?_

_If it's possible I'm in a desperate search for white ankle socks. And some shampoo and body wash. I hate smelling like an 80 year old lady. The same goes with deodorant. I would also love to have a nail file. I don't know if you're one of those girls who care about nails, if you are, you know the feeling. Pretty much any hygiene that you would normally need I do too. . ._

_I'm a year younger than Edward and this is my first tour in Iraq. It doesn't seem like it though – we've been here since August. It was extremely weird to be entirely surrounding by testosterone when we first got here. I adjusted though I guess, and most of the guys don't give me a hard time. The ones that do. . .well they leave me alone after I politely request it. . ._

_About the relationship question. . .there is a man over here. But can you not write anything to Edward about it? It's more of a hidden relationship considering he is of higher ranks and we aren't supposed to hook up with other soldiers._

_I was there when Edward opened your letter today. It was almost funny his expression when he saw that there were pictures. I don't know how long he looked at each one, but it was awhile. He seems happier in these past weeks than I've seen him this whole tour. Thank you._

_Alice (:_

I read the end of the letter again. Then I sat back, exchanging the parchment for the tea. A small, meaningful smile ghosted over my lips as I thought about what she had written. I didn't how to describe the feeling that was coming over me as I thought about it. Maybe content? I wasn't beaming or jumping, but I was. . ._content_.

Alice was alright, that certainly made me grin. I decided that she had already written me two letters; I should really return the favor. Who knows, the two of us could end up becoming friends? But by what she wrote, it seemed like she really needed someone to talk to about her and her mystery soldier man.

It made me feel a sense of melancholy as I recalled that she had very little contact in America. I assumed that meant she didn't have much or any family that supported her needs. But Edward had said that no one really talked about their past because they were trying to get away from it. I made a decision after a moment not to ever pry about Edward or Alice's background.

Letting my head fall against the couch I started to compose a shopping list. I had just babysat my coach's kid for the whole day so I had some money that I could buy her the things she needed with. If she was actually asking, it meant she was in an actual need for it. I had discovered that soldiers all had a sense of pride and none of them really liked to be dependent.

Fifteen minutes later the last few sips of my tea sat unforgotten on the coffee table. I had texted Esme and she said she would love to go shopping with me. She was meeting me at the mall. The roads were thankfully less icy today so I was able to drive with more ease.

When I was five minutes out from the shopping complex my phone started ringing. I checked the number and shrugged. Switching hands on the wheel I flipped open my phone and brought it to my ear.

"Hi Elliot," I greeted him.

"Hey Bella."

"What's up?" I asked him as I came to a stop light and leaned back against the leather seat.

"I was wondering if you were going to be coming to the game on Tuesday." That seemed odd; I went to most of his games without him even having to ask.

"Yeah, I was planning on it. Why?"

"Tyler and Lauren want us to go to the party at her house afterwards." I couldn't pinpoint how Elliot felt about the request. I, on the other hand, groaned. The light blinked green and I hit the gas pedal a little _too_ harshly.

Elliot chuckled across the line.

"Do you want to?" I asked him with a sigh. Lauren's house was the last place I want to be, especially on a school night. She had kegs of beer and other alcohol, the girls always dressed like little sluts, and I always had to try to be nice to Lauren. She hated me, I didn't like her, but she tried her hardest to make it seem like we were the best of friends. It was extremely frustrating.

"Not at all, I just told Tyler I would run it by you. What's a good excuse?" I was so relieved that he didn't have any interest in going either.

"Tell him my ferret died," I replied in an uninterested monotone.

"That's horrible karma if you do have a ferret, you know," he commented lightly, chuckling. I started to laugh as well.

"Well it's fortunate that I don't. Well I gotta go. see you Monday!" After he said bye, I disconnected the call. I pulled into the mall parking lot and noticed Esme's gleaming Escalade. Even in all the snow and brown slush she kept her car clean as a pearl.

I filled her in on why I was shopping as we walked up the sidewalk to entrance of Target. She seemed happy with the idea. But it was when I mentioned Edward again that she rose another eyebrow.

"How is Edward?"

"He says hello," I answered, hoping to get out of one of these conversation. I grabbed a basket as soon as we were in the warm store. If Esme had an opinion, she didn't comment. Instead she just stood there.

"So. Let's go fine some socks," I said cheerfully, trying to shake the awkward away.

While we were getting different things for Alice, I found a notebook to send to Edward. I also grabbed him some tootsie rolls because he said a few weeks ago that he liked them.

I loved shopping with Esme. She knew exactly what to get in any situation. And she was also a good person to talk to mindlessly.

"How is school?" she asked as we found ourselves surrounded by an aisle of socks.

"Grade wise? 4.0. Social wise? Eh, you know. I don't really like people." It was so pathetic that it was pretty much a joke in our family. Rose was the only one else who got it.

"How's Belliot going?" I grimaced. The not so clever student body had lovingly dubbed us as a witty version of our names. You agree to fake date someone and _suddenly_ you've got a name your mom gives you before you get married. Then I looked at Esme curiously, wondering how she had even heard about that.

"What? I know things!" She looked like I was the strange one for doubting her.

"It just sounds so bad when you say it," I groaned. In the midst of our conversation I was also wondering why they didn't make socks one size fits all. None of this size nonsense made any sense.

Esme grinned back at me. "Before Carlisle and I got married my mom decided we would be _Carme_." I allowed myself to appreciate the irony for a few moments.

We selected the socks that Esme approved of and went off to get shampoo. Then I thought of something.

"How did you know it was Belliot?"

"Phh, how do people figure things out nowadays?" I wasn't entirely sure where she was getting at with this. Honestly, I didn't know the answer she was looking for.

"They Google it?" I asked.

"Well yeah. . ." she agreed, "but the second way would be Facebook."

I stalked away from a laughing Esme, cursing the book of faces.

"Oooh! Does Edward have a Facebook? He and I could be cyber buds!" There were times when Esme mocked other people for their annoying, strange words. Unfortunately, this was not one of those times.

"We're done with this conversation." I declared, walking farther away from her. I smirked; Esme was in heels.

"What? I'm hip!" she called, but I was just walking farther away. This was partaking in front of the curious Target employees and shoppers.

If our letters ever turned into anything more – which at this point I was clueless of – I sometimes wondered how my family would react to Edward. I knew Carlisle would probably be. . .hesitant, to say the least.

But it was good to know Esme would at least be his Facebook friend.

* * *

_And I know someday that it'll all turn out_  
_You'll make me work, so we can work to work it out_  
_And I promise you, kid, that I give so much more than I get_  
_I just haven't met you yet_

_I might have to wait, I'll never give up_  
_I guess it's half timing, and the other half's luck_  
_Wherever you are, whenever it's right_  
_You'll come out of nowhere and into my life_  
Haven't Met You Yet, Micheal Buble

* * *

-You guys have to bare with me. About two more chapters before you all are going to start seeinng (and hearing;) more about Edward. We just have to get past these.  
-How do you like these weekday posts? Lemme know. Because I woke up really fricken early for you guys.  
-Thank you SimplyDazzling. Even if you do break my heart.


	7. Chapter 7

Thank you SimplyDazzling. Wooh. You're awesome. Even if you send me chapters the day after I ask...

Thank so much to your kind responses to chapter 6! They blew me away! I wanted to reply to all of them, but I figured you'd like a chapter soon. Don't worry though, I'll be replying to _all _of them this week with my buddy Edward, and he **loves **to gives spoilers...(;

* * *

Over the next eight weeks, I got about ten letters from Edward. I sent that and probably a few more. Because the mail was so slow, a lot of the letters weren't in response to anything, just random things to write. Once I wrote about squirrels; Edward wrote about the sky. Granted his was just a _bit_ deeper than mine, it was still a random topic.

I learned a lot of new things about the Sergeant though. For one, I had no idea that he had a dog. Granted, I had never really asked. In one of his random letters he told me some about his childhood friends, and then I discovered that Edward was a pet person.

_When I was 17 I decided that I wanted a dog, a reliable companion. So I went to the animal shelter, opting to adopt rather than buy a dog from a breeder or pet shop. I hate those places; dogs should have more room than a glass box. Anyway, I went to the animal shelter in search for any type of dog._

_As I was waiting in the lobby for someone to take me back, a women brought in a small puppy. It was a really light golden color and I assumed it was a golden retriever. My interest was piqued. The lady went to the front desk and explained that she had four kids at home. They had one golden retriever that had puppies and they were able to give away most except for that little guy. The woman was frazzled and it was apparent she couldn't undertake another responsibility_

_The woman left, leaving the puppy with the other woman at the desk. I stood up and walked over there. That was the dog I wanted. I didn't have to see the rest to know that. I told the woman that._

_Twenty minutes later the puppy was sleeping in my arms and I was filling out the adoption forms. Dogs are expensive, not to buy because I was adopting, but they eat a lot, need toys, medicine and beds. Luckily I was pretty well off at the time and I doubted it would be problem. I was too busy thinking of a name._

_After one day, the boy puppy I had picked a name. The dog was very sweet, but when he encountered our neighbor's cat he started to bark ferociously, defending his newfound territory. The dog was preparing for battle, and it was only ten weeks old. I decided to name him after the god of war, Ares. I pronounce it Air-ees, some people think it's just Air-s, but that's only his nickname. I hate not being able to see him._

Edward then went on to write that he had to leave Ares with his elderly neighbor when he got deployed. He hadn't heard from her in months, he was doubting that she was still alive, and he was worried about if he'd ever see Ares again.

I couldn't really relate. . .I had a gerbil when I was eight. But it died.

It wasn't the only time he mentioned his dog. I wished there was something I could do to check on the Ares, or anything, but I didn't know who the woman was, or if she was alive, or where she lived. I had say though, an elderly woman probably wasn't the best choice of dog sitters. . .not that I told Edward this of course.

Another thing he wrote about was his leave.

_In the army you get 2.5 vacation days every month. Some guys like to space theirs out, but most don't like the air fair is worth it and only go home once for their 15 days. That's what I have been doing. Some of the younger soldiers don't like doing that; they like to get home for Christmas._

_We all have to plan our leave by talking to the Noncommissioned Officer In-Charge. He, or she in our case, has a chart for everybody. My leave was granted for June 20th to July 15th. I think I'll go to Illinois for mine. I don't really have anybody to see there, but I don't know where else I should go._

_The other sergeant's in my platoon are taking leave that over laps mine, so we'll all be in the states for a total of four days together. Who knows where Emmett's going to make us meet? I'll just be glad to get out of here for awhile._

That letter he sent just a week ago in March. It was now the beginning of April. To sum things up, grades were good, Elliot led the team to state victory, and golf season had started. Oh, and it had just snowed. We still had to go to practice. _Sweet_.

I had been thinking about that letter from Edward for awhile now. I had been thinking about a lot of his letters lately, actually. It was still a wandering question in my mind if I should address him as a friend, or just the soldier I met online. The friend thing sounded a little better and might stop questions, but I wasn't entirely sure if you were allowed to address someone you've never met as an amigo.

Speaking of amigos, I felt it was safe to say that Alice and I had actually become friends. I wrote her a letter back weeks ago that I sent with the package of stuff. She's been writing letters back and sticking them in the envelopes Edward mails to me ever since, and I do the same thing with her.

As it turns out, I had been right about one thing. She really needed someone to talk to about her boyfriendishthing. I learned that in the 4th letter she wrote to me.

_You know that guy that I was talking about before? The one that I'm not really allowed to be with? Well, I'm not sure if Edward has told you much about the company, but he is a Sergeant in my platoon. His name is Jasper._

From what I understood about the military, which don't get me, wrong was very limited, Alice was screwed.

Jasper was what a lot of our letters were about. I wondered if Edward had at any time glanced at the letters I'd written to Alice or visa versa. If he had, it wouldn't take Einstein to figure out that Alice and Jasper were. . .objectively, full of sexual tension. . .for each other.

Edward never really wrote much about Jasper. He mentioned Emmett a lot more than the other sergeant. Emmett sounded fun, and it actually felt like I knew him. I had never been in any contact with either Jasper or Emmett, but Edward and Alice wrote as if I knew them, and in turn, I learned a lot about each of them.

At the end of February, I had been inspired. The basketball team had a silly string fight at one of the games. Silly string was sort of like. . .squirting out shaving cream? Yeah. That was an awful description. It was like a sticky, foaming string. . .like canned cheese that squirts out? _Yeah_. We'll go with that.

Anyway, after that game, I thought maybe the army would enjoy some fun. Fortunately, Esme had just ordered a box of 60 cans of silly string. I guess it was for a bizarrely fashionable wedding that she was planning. The bride was sleeping with the best man, who happened to be the groom's brother. Esme had way too much fun telling that story.

Bottom line was – no wedding, no need for 60 cans of silly string. So I suggested that she send them to Edward's platoon. She shrugged and filled out the address on the unopened cardboard box.

A couple weeks later I got this response in one of Edward's letters:

_You know, for Christmas, we didn't even need all those other gifts. A box of neon colored silly string worked just as well._

_The guys (and of course Alice) loved it. Emmett and I organized a capture the flag game with all three squads. You get shot with silly string anywhere, you die and have to act as you have in fact died. You are allowed to come back to life only if someone on your team comes and saves you from the Underworld. Then you become a fully operating zombie. We got a tad bit theatrical. . ._

_We were going to use two articles of. . .women's clothing that one of Emmett's guys as accumulated as flags, but Alice made us stop and we used bandannas instead. _

_My squad (plus some of Jasper's) won that game. It all went down hill after Emmett got bombarded with light pink silly string. As we were celebrating, Captain Harry came out. He looked royally pissed off. Emmett and I were getting ready to take the blame as he explained that someone had informed him we were using the training grounds for fun. We both knew who had informed him; a little jackass from a different platoon named Mark._

_So, just as we know we're going to get a tongue lashing, he grins at us. Captain thought it was one of the most creative ideas he'd ever seen, and it was a good, safe way to train during rest hours. He applauded the idea of silly string and asked who got it. Emmett told him "An amazing woman Sergeant Masen is good friends with." Captain went on to call you brilliant, just so you know._

I had been thrilled. At least I was a woman to _someone_. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't one of those little brats who was in the biggest hurry to be taken seriously and grow up. I just didn't want to be perceived as a girl by Edward.

I was also beyond happy that the guys could use it. To me that sounded like a hell of a fun time. Esme was glad that it went to better use than it would have at the wedding it was for. I get not wanting bird seed thrown, understandable, but wouldn't a better alternative be blowing bubbles? Whatever, I guess. Silly string is cool too.

Alice told me that it was a fun time too and thanked me profusely. Those two were some of the most grateful people I'd ever know.

I had been extraordinarily busy lately. Rose and I still had been going to the Sky Dome, but we hadn't really talked much about Edward or Emmett. I don't know how she wrote an email to him or what response she got. This was one of those things where I think each of us wanted to keep as our own, and not necessarily share too much about. At least, that was how _I_ felt.

But as golf started, Rosalie spent a lot more time with me. Unfortunately, golf courses were still open in snow. So we spent a majority of our time freezing our butts off together at practice.

It was warmer today. It hadn't snowed for about a week, but the spring air was slightly biting. The sun was battling to spread more warmth but the crisp air was still very chilling. I was wearing a dark pink pullover sweatshirt with a jacket vest on over that. I had a wool black stocking hat protecting my ears. Rosalie was huddled in a light blue windbreaker and a white fuzzy beret. She had gotten a lot of mocking from Brenner, but she rocked that thing like no one else possibly could.

Practice today was just like a day at the Sky Dome. We filled giant buckets with range balls and lined up on the driving range. There were only six of us on the team. We had another 11th grader, a 9th grader and two 8th graders. Today the girl Rose and I's age, Cynthia, wasn't there, so we were down to five.

"So. Emmett? How's that going?" I asked her with a hint of smirk. Now was one of those times where I couldn't turn and see her face because I was behind her.

"I honestly have no idea why you don't use email," she answered nonchalantly, not actually answering my question. Instead she busied herself by crushing her 7 iron.

"The email thing is working then?" I tried to steer her back to the topic that I was curious about.

"Yeah, I get like two emails from him every week. At first it was a little awkward, I mean, I had no idea what I was doing or where I stood with him. After some emails though we got pretty comfortable. He's a really sweet guy." Now that was what I had wanted to get at.

"I'll bet. What else?"

"Well he's 22 years old, it's his second tour in Iraq, his home is in Michigan. . .but here's the interesting thing. Him and his mom don't really get along at all – apparently she's exactly the type of person Carlisle and Esme mock: country club member who doesn't even golf but buys 32 dollar salads. Emmett never met his dad; he left when he discovered she was pregnant." I desperately wanted to see Rosalie's face at that moment. I heard it in her voice, there was an undeniable softness in it that I rarely heard used by her.

"But he is extremely funny, and entertaining to talk to. He has the best stories that always make me laugh so hard. I think besides you and my mom, he's one of the easiest people I know to talk to. Well you know. _Ty__pe_ to." Yeah. . .I knew exactly.

I waited for Rosalie to add more. When she started dating Luke when we were 16, she gushed about everything. I mean, she literally told me everything they talked about, where they went on dates and the way his little brother acted.

I'm not saying she was anywhere near dating Emmett, It was just that Rose liked to talk when something new came her way. I never really had to ask for details, I just got them, wanting them or not.

Luckily, Rose was as virginal as me. Surprising though, given her exterior and hotness and all, but still true. Last year we had gotten celibacy matching toe rings. It was more of an inside joke than anything. No one noticed that we had matching ones, therefore we never had to explain.

"Any visual?" I asked.

"Well I sent him a picture a little bit ago. . ." Rose trailed off. My brows furrowed in confusion.

"Which one?"

"Um, the one we took last year at your cabin. You know, of me lying on the floating bed thing in the water?" Oh, I knew which one she was talking about. Rose had chosen that weekend to try out a very tiny bikini. She had only worn it for a few hours because it was so small, but not before we got our scrap-booking shots.

"Your boobs look huge in that!" Rose's head whipped back and I realized how loud I had just said that. She gave me a look, and right as I was about to apologize, _quietly_, I was interrupted.

"Okay! That was more than I wanted to hear! So let's just. . .stop talking or please quiet down that conversation. You're distracting the boys team." I cringed as Brenner shook his head. I had forgotten the boys were right next to us, practicing on the putting green.

Rose and I glanced at the team. Most of them were staring at Rose appreciatively. One very confident 14 year old grinned cockily and nodded appraisingly at Rose. "Hey Baby," he winked before proceeding to raise both eyebrows. I started snickering under my breath while Rose gapped like a fish. Then, she turned to glare at him.

"Stop harassing my girls, Pinkberry!" Brenner went off to yell at them.

"It's Pillsberry!" the obnoxious kid complained. I continued snickering.

"Doesn't make it any better," Brenner responded without missing a beat.

My snickering died down as I tried to focus. Rose flipped me the bird before hitting her club _very_ aggressively.

"Okay, sorry about that, that was loud. But you really sent that picture? I know it's a great picture of your profile, and err. . .assets, but a first seeing picture?" I asked her, scrunching my nose up.

"Well he had already seen the golf picture Brenner took last year. The one you sent to Sergeant Masen." The _modest_ one I sent to Edward, I thought with a tiny bit of self-righteousness.

"Edward showed him that?" I asked curiously. That made me wonder what he had actually done with those pictures. I watched her white beret go vertically as she nodded her head.

"Oh. So, Emmett email you anything?" I wondered if I would be able to catch a peak at Edward in a picture of Emmett's.

"Nope. Why, did Edward send _you_ anything?" Rose's train of thought was exactly where mine was before the train ran into the ocean with her reply.

_That was an excellent metaphor._

"Nothing."

It was a considerably long pause between the next conversation starter. I welcomed it for a little bit; I _did _need to work on my game after all. Next year was my last year, and I was planning to kick ass at state and play for a college.

"When is Emmett's leave?" I asked after some ten minutes of nothing.

"June 10th to the 6th of July." I heard the smile in her voice. I was thinking that Rose was developing a bit of a crush on Emmett.

"Is he going to come to Sections?" Sections were the big tournament before state in golf. It normally went two days (if we didn't suck the first day). The team that does the best in the conference goes to state. Carlisle and Esme walked along last year, but unfortunately another school beat us by 3 strokes.

"I don't know. I mean, it's on the 11th and 12th. I don't know if he wants to spend his vacation time watching golf." Rosalie had a good point. "Though it's better than seeing his mother. . ." she muttered under her breath with some venom. I was pretty sure I wasn't supposed to hear that, so I didn't comment.

"It might be fun," I shrugged even though she couldn't see me.

"I agree. It would probably be fun. I guess I might ask him if he wants to so we could have a little face to face time." I was eager to meet Emmett. I wondered if Alice, Rose or Edward had told him anything about me. Because I knew a lot about him thanks to them.

"I liked it better when you two were tiny little freshman who didn't talk about boys every waking minute." I hadn't noticed Brenner standing off to the side. Rose hadn't either and she hit right while he was talking. It went. . .well it bounced all the way across the grassy range and proceeded to roll right onto the road. "Nice," he commented sarcastically.

"How's Belliot?"

"For the love God. . .Really?" I huffed. That Belliot thing was going to get somebody killed. It was the most obnoxious name I had ever been a part of. I should have fake dated a Sebastian.

"What? I didn't know!" de defended himself as I glared at him. "Did he shatter your heart into pieces?" My eyes narrowed into slits. There was definitely going to be a break up in my future.

"Fine, fine, fine. Are you going to ask for help with that? Or am I just going to have to mock you about your personal life until you do?" he smirked while I sighed deeply. I conceded and Brenner spent the rest of the practice helping me with that club. That meant the conversation Rosalie and I had been having was quickly brought to a screeching halt.

After practice I always dropped Emily (the 9th grader on the team) and Rose off at their houses. Rosalie was next to me in the front of the truck, trying to read the chapter we needed to for English. Emily sat in the back listening to her iPod, and I was left to my own thoughts.

An idea was brewing in my head by the time the two of them were out of the car. I had no clue how it would be perceived but I was anxious to ask Carlisle and Esme. First I had to go home and read through one of Edward's letters though.

Once Carlisle, Esme and I were all sitting down at the table, I mulled over how to place my request. I was really nervous and my leg was bouncing at 100 miles per minute up and down.

Right as Carlisle started into his baked potato, I decided to ask. Awhile ago I had decided not to try and guess what their reactions would be. I cleared my throat lightly and they both looked up in silent question.

"I would like to ask Edward to spend his leave with us. . .here."

* * *

_Against the grain should be a way of life_  
_What's worth the price is always worth the fight_  
_Every second counts 'cause there's no second try_  
_So live like you're never living twice_  
_Don't take the free ride in your own life_  
If Today Was Your Last Day, Nickleback

* * *

-Hmmm. How do you feel about Bella's little idea? (I'm aware that a majority of you saw this coming...)  
-Like I said, Edward's helping me with reviews this week!  
-I have decided in the name of the season to due a few one shots with our favorites couples based on Christmas carols! Good idea? Would you read them? Love to know. And then I'll add to the Em/R one shot I did last year on Christmas Eve. (On my website under _New Stories _if you're interested.)  
-I'll now leave you in suspense. Poor Carlisle...


	8. Chapter 8

_"When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So what the hell, leap."_

* * *

Carlisle kept staring at me after I asked if Edward could come here. Slowly his fork lowered down onto his plate and he cleared his throat. Esme raised an eyebrow, but then gave a small _what the hell_ shrug.

I was beginning to grow concerned as Esme and I waited for Carlisle to speak. He just kept staring at me, and he hadn't moved since the fork had met his place. I knew what he was doing; this was one of those cop show techniques. . .You stay silent and wait for the suspect to fill the silence with more talking. I laughed silently to myself.

I folded my hands together and placed my forearms neatly on the table. I wasn't quite brave enough to go into a stare down with Carlisle yet, so I studied Esme expression. She looked slightly skeptical but otherwise pretty indifferent to what Carlisle was going to say.

I was about to crack. The silence was getting awkward and tense. But Carlisle cleared his throat once more and then opened his mouth. Then he shut it. But _then_ he opened it again. I braced myself for whatever he was going to throw my way.

"Edward is that soldier who you have been writing letters to, correct?" I wanted to smirk; proud at myself for holding out. But I figured that wouldn't do much good with Carlisle in a mood.

I nodded.

"And he doesn't have a home to go to? Or family to see?" Carlisle's voice had a hint of dry sarcasm that made my brows furrow. I didn't like it at all. He didn't know anything about Edward. I thought back to one of Edward's letters from a little bit ago.

_It wasn't always just me, or in this case, me and Ares. I did have a family; my mom and I were as close as could be. But life has a funny way of taking away the things you need. Life has a funny way of making people feel so alone on this world. Just a separate soul, broken away from everybody else, wandering around, wondering why any of us are here at all. That's how I felt for the longest time – so entirely alone, no one else in the world gave a shit about me. . ._

"No, he doesn't. It's just him," I told him, trying to keep the protectiveness that I felt for him out of my voice. Instead it just came across as colder than I had planned.

Esme gazed at me, her hazel eyes staring with an intense compassion. Her lips were turned up slightly in the hint of a smile.

Carlisle didn't react to that statement; he kept his face neutral as he continued. "Doesn't he have a home though? He must have friends that live in his hometown who he would love to see?" I was already shaking my head back and forth before he could finish his sentence.

"How old is he?" Objectively speaking, this could be a deal breaker for Carlisle. I figured it was best to be completely honest.

"He's 21. . ." I gathered myself and took another breath before adding, "But he'll turn 22 soon." Why exactly did I feel the need to add that? Yeah. Not sure.

"21 years old, well-" he was about to start a rant. Carlisle and I both looked in surprise as Esme cut him off.

"I think that it's a good idea," she said with her calm, mediator voice. I wanted to do a fist pump; half the battle had just been won. Carlisle, on the other hand, gapped at her like a fish.

"He's 4 years older than her!"

"Technically I'll be 18 in July. . ." They both ignored me. So, I on the other hand, chose to ignore the fact that he would be 22 in June.

"First of all, we wouldn't be allowing her boyfriend to come live with us for a month; we'd be allowing one of her friends. Second of all, this is an American soldier, Carlisle. A soldier who spends 11 months of the year in the desert protecting our country. He's not some drug dealer from New York who thugs people on the streets and takes their money." Esme was too far on a roll that I didn't correct her use of the thugs instead of mugs. That was just Es for you.

"Okay, he's a soldier, and I'm all about country patronage, but I don't know the guy. And that means that I don't trust him." With Esme on my side about this, I didn't even have to do half the fighting.

Esme lowered her voice so it was soft again. "But Bella does. And you've never doubted her judgment before."

"Why are you all for this?" Carlisle questioned her.

"Because Bella deserves to see her friends. And Edward deserves a fun vacation away from the war." Go Esme! She was definitely a pro at getting what she wanted from her husband. Today she was pulling out all the stops. Over the years I had gotten pretty decent at getting something if I truly wanted it, but Esme knew how to play her husband like a guitar.

"I promise he is someone you will get along with, Carlisle. He's a nice guy. You don't have anything to worry about," I added, using my softly pleading voice. I had mastered that for my dad when I was seven.

Carlisle pretty much ignored my pathetic attempt.

Dammit. I thought I had it with that, but Carlisle huffed before continuing. "But it's like going to pick up a guy who is a police officer and having him come live with us for a month. Sure, he's an American Policeman; doesn't mean that I know anything about him or want him roaming around my house."

"Edward's not some random soldier! I know him. Yeah, granted we haven't actually met. But just because it's a bit of different circumstances than when I met like Rose doesn't mean that I have no clue who he is!" I was getting flustered and suddenly it was starting to feel extremely warm. Subconsciously I moved my hair from my warm neck to my side.

Esme raised an eyebrow at him. "You did want to do a foreign exchange student for a month this summer, remember?" I grinned at Esme. The smile with its triumph fell as soon as Carlisle glanced over at me.

"Yeah. Student. Not soldier. Those words are not exactly interchangeable."

"But they both start with an S!" I made jazz hands, trying to encourage some enthusiasm. Carlisle rolled his eyes.

"You can't argue with that logic. . ." Esme muttered.

I tried a different approach. "How 'bout we just skip the rest of this little friendly disagreement and you say yes so I can go send him a letter?"

Carlisle let his head fall back against his chair. I tried to hide the grin that was about to emerge. I looked at him excitedly.

"Fine." I allowed myself a fist pump.

"Thanks, Carlisle! I love you guys!" I beamed at them as I grabbed my plate quickly off the table and took it to the sink. Esme was laughing as I rushed upstairs to get my notebook.

A little over a week later Rosalie and I were sprawled in my room with Elliot and a guy from our school named Jacob. We were all in the same Economics class and had been assigned a really annoying project. We paired up with someone of the opposite gender and had to create a family. Elliot and I were still under the dating pretense so I had easily had a partner. Jacob got to Rose the quickest.

Then, we were assigned a career and had to plan a family and budget with the salaries we were given.

"I've been over these numbers like seven times. There is no way we can send all four of our kids to a private school, Jake! Not with my teacher's pay," Rose complained as she threw her calculator in frustration.

"Well I don't know what you want me to do, _dear_," Jacob sighed through gritted teeth. Those two were getting old fast.

Elliot and I were getting along fine. As of now, Elliot was a physician for the New York Yankees and I was a book publisher with books on the best seller list. We had three kids and a New York penthouse with a view. _And a cat named Melvin._

"So, we're buying a vehicle. But do you want a Lexus SUV, a Cadillac Escalade, or a 911 Porsche?" I asked Elliot, looking over my notebook. We were on the couch, heads on the opposite ends and legs to the side of each other. Rosalie was lying on my bed and Jacob was sprawled on the carpet.

"Would you just shut up? I'm living in Iowa and driving a fucking mini van," Rose whined to us.

"We could have sent them all to a public school and bought a Ford but no. . .you had to get all righteous," Jacob bitched back. These two were getting pretty close to be thrown out the window.

Rose was on a roll with her criticism today. "I have no idea why I married you. You're a damn truck driver! I could have so much better than you, and you know what? I want a divorce."

"Fine! See if I care you! You can have the house! I'll move out and take the kids on the weekend!"

"Fine!" The odd thing was that Rosalie was starting to actually get pissed off by this. Elliot was smirking and shaking his head, and I was laughing under my breath at their little display.

I was about to decide whether or not to send my fake daughter Ella (Elliot's idea) to horse camp in New Jersey with her brother Ben (my idea) when my laptop beeped. I wasn't sure who was emailing me but I got off the couch anyway and left the debate for Elliot to handle.

I perched myself next to a frustrated Rose on the bed and opened the computer. I scrolled for a little bit on the pad until I found the email that had arrived. It was from an email that I didn't have under my contacts. Curious, I bent down closer to the screen to see who it was from. **_SgtEMasen(dot)yahoo(dot)com_**.

Gee, wonder who that was.

My heart started to pound faster in my chest. I let out a deep breath as my finger hovered over the mouse. In that moment, I had transferred into a nervous, excited, anxious girl.

"Hey guys, want to go downstairs and grab some snacks? Esme's in the kitchen, she'll fine something to bring up," I suggested, looking at Elliot and then Jacob who was currently calculating how cheap he could get a divorce attorney for, especially with his truck driver pay.

"Sure," Elliot shrugged and set his papers down. Jacob groaned a little bit but nevertheless pulled himself off the ground and followed Elliot out the door.

Rose was looking at me inquisitively. She set down her own laptop that had a page about soccer camps on it. I tried to ignore her raised eyebrow. When I didn't answer her silent question she decided to make it. . .not silent.

"Who's the email from?" I had written my email on one of the letters I sent Edward a few months ago. I had no idea that he still had it, or would have decided to use it.

"Edward," I said, trying to get her to shut up so I could open it. She started to ask another question. Screwing it, I didn't wait for her to stop talking and opened the email. I had to get my leg to stop bouncing up and down so that I could read the screen.

I blinked a few times, trying to get my eyes to stop darting around like I was on drugs. I saw the size of the letter before anything else. It was only a couple sentences. I felt a sense of disappointment but before I sighed, I leaned in closer so that I could read what he wrote. . .no matter how much he did, or rather _didn't_ write.

**From:** Sergeant E. Masen  
**Subject:** Your letter  
**Date:** 8, April 2008, 4:24pm  
**To:** Bella Swan

_I just got your letter. I'll call you as soon as I can. I'll try to remember that we're eight hours ahead of you guys._

_Sincerely,  
Sergeant Masen_

I read the short email one more time and then closed the laptop. In the back of my mind I was rolling my eyes at the fact that he signed his emails as prominently as his letters. The disappointment I felt at the size of the email was replaced with more anxiousness. Now I was excited for him to call.

The more I thought about it, I realized that this was the first time that I was actually going to be able to hear what Edward sounded like. This would make him even more life like, because there was just something about letters, sometimes I wondered if the man I was writing to was actually real.

Because I had no picture or sound of him in my head, it made it extremely difficult to think about him as anything other than a letter writer who I had never meet. Not that that makes much sense or anything.

I was screwed. There was no way I would be able to concentrate on anything until I got that call. Including sports and school. . .and my Economics homework.

"What was that about?" Rose inquired. I smiled, absentmindedly looking out the window to our wooded backyard.

"Edward's going to call me soon so we can figure out his leave," I told her, knowing she would pounce for details on her own.

"You asked him to come? Here? Carlisle and Esme actually let you do that? When is his actual leave? I can't believe you asked him! Why didn't you tell me? Did you ask him to come the whole time or just a little bit? Should I ask Emmett if he wants to come?" I felt my eyes widen and I just stared at her in awe. Anyone can fit that many questions into one single paragraph is my hero.

"Yes. Yes. Yes. June 20th to July 16th. That's not a question. . .I just did. . .the whole time. . .and yes." I think I got all the answers she wanted. I smirked at her.

"You're an idiot."

"I answered every one of your stupid questions!" I protested, used to being called offense names by her regardless.

"And you think I remember every one that I asked? Or the damn order?" I cringed along with Rose. Her voice was coming off as a shrill and we weren't the only ones home.

"Well for the love of God, don't ask that many questions without pausing to breathe!"

"Screw you. If you asked Edward, I'm asking Emmett. _Then_ my mother." I rolled my eyes at her.

"Good plan."

"I thought so."

Elliot took this as his opportunity to bust through the door with a tray full of cookies. Jake was following close behind with four glass bottled cokes. "We brought cookies!"

"How cliché," Rosalie huffed. I grinned over at her and rolled off the bed and back onto the couch.

I was too jazzed up about the email to even focus. Therefore, I left the decision of where the kids would go to college to Elliot.

The next day was our first golf meet of the season. We got out of school early so I got to skip Health. As it turned out though, Rose's mom sleeping with the principal couldn't get us out of a full year of that horrid class. The whole team was pretty excited for the season to start. Brenner was absolutely ecstatic.

"Cough up the cell phones girls," Brenner demanded, standing up at the front of the standard yellow school bus. I was especially hesitant to give him my phone right now. It hadn't been a problem before, but I hadn't been waiting for a call from Edward before either.

Brenner wasn't going to let us carry them regardless. If they made any noise inside our golf bags when we were carrying them, we were disqualified. And that would piss him off so, _so_ much.

The bus came to a stop at the golf course we were playing at today, and we grabbed our bags of clubs. We each walked past him, handing our phones as we crammed to get through the aisle.

The sun was coming down warmly with a nice, very slight breeze. We were all setting down our bags in the parking lot to change into our shoes when Brenner walked off the bus. All of our phones were in his black laptop bag, all of them except the phone in his hand.

"Swan, your phones buzzing. You got a call." It took everything in me not to rush over there. I slid into my shoe quickly and glanced at Rose who was giving me a knowing, yet still curious look.

I grabbed my phone out of his hand. I ignored the erratic beating of my heart and pushed all the thoughts pulsing through my head away. I took a small breath before putting the phone to my ear.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Bella?" I most definitely did not recognize that voice. I would have remembered a voice that velvety and smooth had I heard it before. A voice that actually made me catch my breath. I held the phone impossibly closer to my ear; not to block out the other noise, there was none, but to get closer to that voice.

"Yes. Who's this?" Like I even had to ask. It was more of a rhetorical question anyway. To make sure I wasn't dreaming.

"It's Edward."

* * *

_He said, "Dad I'm big, but we're smaller than small_  
_In the scheme of things, well we're nothing at all_  
_Still every mother's child sings a lonely song_  
_So play with me, come play with me"_

_"And hey Dad, here's a riddle for you_  
_Find the answer: There's a reason for the world_  
_You and I?"_  
The Riddle, Five For Fighting

* * *

-Is it proper to thank your beta everysinglefreakingchapter? Well...thank you SimplyDazzling. Anyone know her? She's pretty great.  
-You guys can chill out...Elliot's not a threat. Come on. Like he could stand a chance. I would just be wasting my time.

-Your review response from last chapter was amazing! Like seriously, I LOVE the reviews I get for this story more than any other one I've wrote. You guys have the kindest things to say. I wanted to thank everyone more reminding me why I write this crazy story in the first place. (:

-Anyone else freezing their tails off?


	9. Chapter 9

Y'all are so dang lucky that I have an awesome beta who gets me my chapters on time, and without her, this story would suck. Thank you once again SimplyDazzling(:

* * *

Edward Masen was calling me, from thousands of miles away. After six months of writing letters to him you think I'd be squealing. But, no, what do I do when he finally calls?

I move the phone away from my ear.

"This is kinda important; can I meet you guys at the green?" I asked Brenner, holding the speaker part of my phone with my other hand. Brenner was giving me a puzzled look but shrugged nevertheless and nodded his consent. I grinned at him in thanks.

The girls were putting the bag straps over their shoulders and were walking towards the practice putting green next to the club house. I glanced uncertainly at my bag where Rose was lingering. I wanted to get away from them so I could talk to Edward alone and now. Sighing, Brenner grabbed my bag and slung it over his shoulder. I grinned wider at him as he rolled his eyes.

With everyone else going that direction, I made my way over to the club house where I could talk to him on the deck that overlooked the course. I had played here before and generally didn't like it very much. So I figured if I was going to sacrifice some of my practice time I might as well try to make some mental notes about where I would be competing.

"Sorry, umm, hi Edward," I finally responded gleefully as I brought the phone back to my ear.

"Is this a bad time?" The voice that that question belonged to startled me once more. I didn't necessarily like comparing assets of the human body to food. . .it just didn't really click for me. But in this case, when he spoke, it reminded me of honey. Warm, melting honey.

"Nope. This is fine," I assured him quickly, just so glad to be able to finally put a voice to the unknown mystery man.

"Aren't you in school? I thought you would be, but my shift just ended and I needed to call you before I had to catch some sleep," Edward explained nervously.

"Technically I would be in school, but it's our first meet today so I got out early." I could have sworn I mentioned that in one of the letters I wrote to him. But I really wasn't holding onto the notion that he hung onto to every word I had ever written. So it's not like I was even in the least bit annoyed.

"Oh shit, that's today? Sorry, I forgot. This _is_ a bad time, isn't it?" Yes Edward, let me just hang up on you _right now_ so I can go putt for an hour and listen to Brenner talk about hard work and passion. I rolled my eyes.

By now I was through the club house and standing at the deck. It was a huge deck, but surprisingly there wasn't anyone up there. I was too distracted to try and get a feel for the course at the moment so I gave up trying basically before I even started.

"No, the meet doesn't start for like an hour," I assured him, not in the slightest bit bothered by missing practice time.

Edward paused, slightly confused. "Shouldn't you be practicing then?"

"Nah, I'm so amazing that I don't need it," I retorted with mock-buff confidence. I could practically hear him rolling his eyes.

"If you say so." I waited for him to continue, you know, start the conversation that he was calling for. When he didn't, the awkward silence filled the line and made me extremely uncomfortable.

"So, my letter," I prompted.

"Yeah. . .umm, so I read it," he finally responded with casualness.

"Who woulda thought? What with it being a letter and all," I replied with my usual playful dryness. It was a lot easier now that we were talking on the phone – I could be as expressive as I wanted. And he would – hopefully – be able to tell when I wasn't being serious.

Some called it sarcasm. I preferred the term _wit_.

I heard a chuckle over the line and smiled. "Well, I figured I actually needed to talk to you about this, instead of just send a letter. God, it feels good to hear your voice for the first time." Now I grinned and blushed.

"Yeah, I know what you mean." I stopped for a moment to gather my thoughts. I was a tad bit overwhelmed in that instant. "So might as well cut to the chase. . .my letter. What did you think of it?"

"Well, thanks for inviting me, obviously." Oh Lord, it was like pulling teeth.

"No problem," I answered. As I was waiting for him to toss the ball back to my court, I perched on a chair by a glass table.

"The thing is. . .I'm not really sure if this is the best choice. Hell, it could be a great choice though, I just don't know." I felt a bit of disappointment course through me. But it was overruled with the fact that he thought it might be a good choice too. Right then, listening to him, I wanted more than anything for him to come.

I knew I wanted him to come, but now I realized just how badly I wanted that. I wanted to take him to our cabin, my summer paradise. I wanted to relax on the beach and ride Carlisle's boat with him. I wanted to go four wheeling through the woods. I wanted to lounge on the couch and do nothing at all.

I just wanted to meet him. So, _so_ badly.

"Okay. . .so, let's just talk about it then, I guess," I insisted with ration. That, objectively, was something an adult would do, and my subconscious was kind of proud of my reason while my inner monologue continued its ramble.

"I don't want you to think I'm not _extremely_ grateful for the offer. I really am. But first of all, I don't think your family really wants me there much at all. No father would want a man of legal drinking age, whose been living in the desert for months and had a bit of different upbringing than normal standards to their house with their daughter." Well. Let's just dive right into it then.

I disagreed. "Carlisle's not like that." Okay. . .maybe just a tiny bit. . .

"Bella, he's your dad. I know he probably doesn't show it that much, but I know that's how he feels. If I had a daughter I sure as hell wouldn't let her have a swearing soldier come over for a month." That made me go silent. I ran my tongue over my teeth, wondering how to respond to that.

"You're right, my dad would not approve. _Charlie_ would have a hissy fit over even the suggestion." I tried to keep my tone not as cold as I thought I sounded.

That got him. I felt a little bad as I softly heard him swear over the line. I didn't want to make him feel bad; not at all, but he wasn't making a relevant point in the current argument.

"Bella, I'm really sorry. I'm also sorry I'm such an ass. I should've been more sensitive to that." The velvet voice got even softer. This wasn't a surprise. I had read his letters – he wrote with such an art; of course he would talk the same way.

I shook my head, not in the least irritated with him. I actually was finding myself with some patience for this scenario. I didn't want him to apologize or berate himself, but something else he had said piqued my curiosity.

"It's okay Edward. I shouldn't have said it like that. I know this is a little weird. . .at least for me, but what did you mean when you said the thing about you being in the desert for months? What does that have anything to do with Carlisle not wanting you at the house?" I hated to sound naïve, even in my thoughts, but could there be a disease native to Iraq that is contagious when you come back to America? I think I would know about that if there was though. . .

Edward cleared his throat rather uncomfortably. After that I heard some sort of low chuckle, like someone was trying really hard not to make their amusement known. By someone I meant Edward, who was, at the moment, doing a real sucky job of that.

"Well, umm. I'm not quite sure how to say this. . ." You know when you can tell when a person is smirking, without even being able to see them? Yeah. This would be one of those times.

"Honestly is always nice," I sighed slightly exasperated and a wee bit on the sarcastic side.

"Okay, err, well. So, when you're in the army, out here at a secluded base in Iraq, you have a very limited social life. And, um, _relations_ with other soldiers on base is extremely frowned upon, and those are pretty much the only people that you see. So, when you get back from the desert, men typically have little more. . .tension. And most feel they really need a woman to–" I had let him ramble way too long, to the point where I was blushing scarlet.

"Yup! Gotcha! I don't need an explanation of the Y chromosome. Thanks though." I didn't think he would have gone on much further then that, but that doesn't mean I hadn't been a little worried.

"Sor–"

"I know, I know. I asked." I interrupted him.

"But Carlisle is your guardian and that doesn't change much. I doubt Esme would want me in her home either."

I snorted. Not so delicately.

"Ph, no, she was all for it. She was the one who helped me convince Carlisle." I informed him cheerfully, chuckling as I thought back to _that_ conversation.

"Oh. Well. . .I wasn't expecting that." he answered, slightly thrown off guard. I smirked. God, I loved Esme.

"I don't think there's anything really stopping you from coming here, Edward," I told him when he didn't say anymore.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa," he suddenly stopped me.

"Isn't four whoas typically the common standard?" I questioned him.

"Typically." The smirk was back again.

"Just checking. Proceed with your whoas," I grinned, amused.

"Thank you. As I was saying, I said firstly before, so you should have assumed there would be more than one point. Secondly, even if your family doesn't mind me there, I will feel like I'm barging in on your summer family time. And thirdly, well, I'll get to that in a moment."

I scoffed. Family time? What the hell? Who actually did that for every day of the summer? Oh man, the three of us got on each others nerves as it was and that was only for a few hours at a time. By August, Esme always seemed to find more weddings to plan and Carlisle picked up more shifts at the hospital. I scoffed again. Summer family time? Ridiculous. And that's exactly what I told Edward. I also added that it was an extremely lame-ass excuse.

He conceded.

"Well you said thirdly, so lets here it," I exhaled, not in the least exasperated. I felt like after this conversation was over I would be.

"I. . .I'll only be able to be there for less than four weeks. Well, you already knew that. But, I'm just worried that. . ." he paused thoughtfully for a moment, seeming to consider his next words. "Bella, I know if I come we'll have a great time together, and I don't doubt that at all. But I don't have many people close to me, many friends I guess, the ones I have are here at base. I don't have to worry about saying goodbye to them and going off for a year. I don't want you to have to deal with that heavy of a separation."

Holy shit. Summer family time was a hell of a lot easier than this little hurdle.

I breathed in deeply through my nose and looked slowly around as I contemplated what to say to that. My thoughts were in a crazy mess. I needed something to just calm my mind down from overdrive. I gazed around until I saw a small pond on the 17th hole of the course. It was a beautiful little pond; it made me ache for summer and time at the lake. And that was exactly what I needed.

I knew that I would probably get attached to Edward, hell, I was _already_ attached to Edward. I knew, and so did he, that if he came, at the end of our time together it wouldn't be a very desirable parting. But it would be nothing I couldn't handle. It wouldn't be losing him like my parents – he would be doing his job. And his job was the reason we even came into contact with each other in the first place. It reminded me of something my mom used to say to me.

"Nothing lost, nothing gained." I said simply. The silence from the other end caused me to elaborate, "I think if you come, I'll show you an amazing summer. Yeah, it will be difficult to say goodbye at the end of it. But it will be the price to pay. I can handle it, and I know you can too. Nothing is stopping you from coming."

Logically, I had just won that argument. Now it was just solely up to him to try it or not.

"The ball is in your court, Sergeant," I said with a smile. If he signed all his letters like that, why not call him it? I liked the ring of importance that it had as it rolled off my tongue.

"Well spoken, Miss Swan, well spoken," he replied appraisingly.

"Did Emmett tell you that Rose asked if he wanted to visit her during his leave?" I don't know if I was still trying to convince him or just make friendly conversation. I think I just hated any type of phone silence.

"Yeah, he did mention that. Who would have guessed those two would get along with each other?" Edward chuckled, as did I quietly under my breath.

"Rose always comes up to our cabin with us in the summer. I'm sure – if Emmett does decide to come –we could definitely have them both stay with us." I had just thought of that, but suddenly my thoughts were racing, excited by that possibility. But then I remembered that Edward hadn't even said yes yet.

"Well, if you come that is," I added quietly. I couldn't use my doe eyes over the phone. Internally I let out a few profanities.

"You know, Bella. . ." I immediately smiled. That wasn't a lecturing tone. That was a _what the hell _tone. I knew it; I used it all the time.

"Screw it. I'm coming." I allowed myself the biggest smile I could produce as he said it. Then I let myself get extremely excited.

Edward was actually coming. That thought made endless possibilities speed through my head in a nanosecond. But all the different scenarios were dulled by the one that I was the most thrilled about. I would actually be able to meet Edward. In person; face to face.

"You are one hell of a negotiator, Swan," Edward chuckled. His tone had become much more relieved and relaxed, probably from actually having made the decision. That made me question how long, and how much he had been thinking through this particular choice.

"Get used to it, Masen," I responded playfully. I was just as relieved to have an answer from him as he was.

We spent awhile talking about all the letters. I answered some of the questions he had and vise versa. At one point I was actually twirling a few strands of hair in between my fingers. Of course once I realized that I was doing this I moved it right away and stuck it in my pocket instead.

I didn't realize how long it had been. I jumped when the door leading from the club house to the huge cherry stained deck opened. It was none other than Brenner looking impassive. Shit. I hoped he wasn't mad that I had been out here for awhile. I glanced away from him and looked over at the practice greens; sure enough all of the teams were here and ready to go.

Turning back so that I was facing the course, I grimaced. I didn't want to say goodbye to Edward. But then I realized that he had to go to sleep and I had to play a meet.

"Edward, I gotta go. The meet is going to start any minute." Holy. . .I couldn't even think of the right profanity to insert; had we been on the phone for almost an hour?

"Okay, yeah, I better let you go." I couldn't help but hope that the unplaceable emotion in his voice was hesitance. "Well, go kick ass, Bella." I grinned. Oh I planned to. I reluctantly thanked him and said goodbye. I then concluded that, probably due to my own loning, he did in fact sound hesitant.

Sighing heavily, I snapped my phone shut. I thought about what had just happened for a peaceful and content moment. Then, sighing yet again, I turned to face the strangely none-commenting Brenner.

"Is everything alright?" Well if someone had died I wouldn't be here.

Why were my thoughts so bitter? Oh damn, I was turning into Rosalie. That was a depressing thought. I convinced myself it was just because my phone conversation had been cut short.

"Yeah, just peachy," I grinned at him. He raised his eyebrow at the display of emotions that had just flickered across my face. Now I wasn't bitter, I was just happy again. Edward said yes!

"Who's the reason I let you miss badly needed practiced?" Badly needed my ass. I rolled my eyes at him. The general public all had a certain respect for soldiers; I would assume Brenner wasn't any different. Might as well tell the truth.

"I was talking to a soldier. He's over in Iraq."

Brenner raised his eyebrows once again, looking surprised and almost. . .impressed. I was mildly insulted. "Is he a relative of yours?"

"Not exactly. . ."

"Oh! Is that the boy that Rosalie said you are chasing over seas?" he asked in revelation. What the. . .? She had made that stupid little comment all the way back in January.

"Coincidently that would be the same guy. . .how on earth do you remember that?" I really wasn't comfortable talking about this with him. So I turned the tables. And as it was, I was extremely curious.

"Well it's not like you get a lot of guys, Bella."

"Gee. Thanks," I retorted dryly. Brenner sighed and rolled his eyes.

"That's not what I meant so shut up. You have never showed any interest in a particular boy over the time I've known you." _Stop saying boy_, I groaned internally.

"I have a boyfriend, Brenner." Elliot and I had decided to keep up the pretense of dating. I didn't really care. I liked not having to turn the guys down when they asked me out. Now they just don't ask me out; problem solved!

"It's a good thing I'm not 17 or I might actually believe that load of. . ." he trailed off. He made it a point not to swear around us, _he was awful at it_, but it was a point nevertheless.

"Does everyone know that Belliot is crap?" I asked in exasperation.

"No," he said with his own exasperation as he stretched out the 'o' in no. His tone made it seem like I was the irrational one. "But you wouldn't date a basketball player; they're not your type."

_Oh my Lord. . ._

I was about to interrupt him and comment on his weirdness factor at the moment but he continued. By now in the conversation he was leaning against the railing of the deck and I was standing across from him, wanting to bury my face in my hands. "No, you on the other hand would be the one I peg for being strong enough to go into a relationship with a soldier."

My lips turned up a tiny bit at his slightly hidden compliment. "Just friends, Brenner. Don't get ahead of yourself."

"Right back at you. Now would you please go. I would enjoy starting the season off with an ass whooping." I grinned at him, and I got a genuine smile back from him and the two of us walked down the stairs to the green. "I know you hate this course, but I have a good feeling, Bella."

"So do I," I grinned, content with everything at that moment.

I took first in that meet. My score was tied with my personal best. I didn't know how I did it – I hadn't been focusing at all. I just couldn't wipe the dumb, cliché, overly happy grin off my face the entire time.

That night I fell asleep with my new trophy on the bed stand next to me. Everyone thought I was thrilled to have done so well; I had beaten the number one in the state. And that was fine – they could continue to think that. But only one thing mattered to me that day.

Edward, my soldier, was coming home.

* * *

_I'm running out of ways to make you see_  
_I want you to stay here beside me_  
_I won't be ok and I won't pretend I am_  
_So just tell me today and take my hand_  
_Please take my hand_  
_Please take my hand_

_Just say yes, just say there's nothing holding you back_  
_It's not a test, nor a trick of the mind_

_It's so simple and you know it is_  
_You know it is, yeah_  
_We can't be to and fro like this_  
_All our lives_  
-Just Say Yes, Snow Patrol

* * *

Yay! Edward's coming home! Who woulda thought he'd be stubborn about it?  
This was my Christmas present to you! My birthday present to you will be a whole chapter of Edward in person, first day home. Now...the only question is, when is my birthday? (;  
Holy crap! The shitload of snow has got to stop! Whose with me?

-I need your help, _yes you_, the reader barely skimming this. My sister (SimplyDazzling) and I are in the middle of quite the debate. I watched _Titanic _for the first time. Needless to say I sobbed for 20 minutes. (I'm being legit. 20 minutes.) Justine thinks that _Remember Me_ was way sadder.  
Remember Me or the Titanic?  
Your opinion?


	10. Chapter 10

My New Years Resolution? Figure out a better way to thank SimplyDazzling for her betaing! What's yours?

* * *

I was just finishing my letter to Edward when my phone rang. I was getting him all the information he needed to book a flight to and from here. There wasn't much to write other than that, so I felt the need to ramble mindlessly. I hoped he didn't care that the letter had no interesting content.

Sighing, I folded the paper to fit into the envelope and answered my phone. I knew it was Rose calling. She was borrowing her mom's sleek little black car and picking me up to go shopping in a few minutes.

"Get your ass outside, darling," she demanded before I could so much as speak. I rolled my eyes and pushed myself off the plush carpet in my bedroom. We had some serious damage to do and Rose did not take a thing like this lightly.

"Coming, coming," I told her, exasperated. I was already halfway down the stairs when I snapped the phone shut. I slipped into flip flops and opened up the heavy front door, grabbing my purse on the way out.

Unfortunately, it hadn't really occurred to me that normal teenagers that were in a relationship actually went to prom. . .as it turned out, it was kind of expected. So, as a result of my misfortunate thinking, I was being dragged out a week before prom to find the best possible dress available.

Rosalie, however, was extremely smug about the fact that her mother, an extremely gifted seamstress, had been working on a dress for her for quite some time. Neither of us had really talked about going, so I did not have a dress and Rose now had a use for the dress.

I really wasn't going to go at all – have my tonsils removed or something of that nature. But that wasn't going to work for two reasons. . .One, Carlisle wasn't working prom night so he was unwilling to perform a surgery. And two, Esme went all Yoda on me and somehow convinced me that I would regret it if I didn't go. Even now I snort.

Don't get me wrong, I have wanted to go prom forever. I used to look at my babysitter's pictures and dream about my day. But I would enjoy going with an actual boyfriend. I still had senior year, which was why I wasn't crazy about going this year.

"Alright, let's tear up this mall!" Rose exclaimed enthusiastically as I slid into the car and she peeled out. I struggled to get my seat belt to click. Loved Rose to pieces; hated Rose's driving to bits.

"There is going to be nothing there!" I complained while trying not to glance at the speedometer. There was a reason Rose didn't have a car yet. Her mom, while amazing and totally fun, didn't trust Rose's driving. . .at all. She trusted Osama Bin Laden to drive her somewhere more that her daughter.

"You'll get a bubble gum colored dress or nothing." I would definitely be better off with the nothing.

As it turns out, I was painfully right. There were absolutely no prom dresses left. Well, okay. Yeah there were the usual slutty ones. Then some animal print ones and of course, bright, freaking fairy pink ones. My frown was just getting deeper and deeper with every store we went to.

After two hours we were both getting desperate. We had one last store left to go to and I was extremely nervous that there would be nothing.

"How opposed are you to ruffles?" Rose asked as we divided and looked on each side of the metal rack. I raised an eyebrow at the poop colored dress in front of me.

"How ruffly?" I asked her, peering over the metal hangers clinking back and forth.

"Really fucking ruffly." I sighed. The awe in Rosalie's voice was somewhat comical, actually.

We continued for a few moments, hearing nothing other than the clinking of hangers meeting and the usual elevator music this store offered as a playlist.

"Oooh! What about this?" For a second I thought she might have actually found something. Then she shoved Cookie Monster in my face. I'm talking some extreme, stringy ruffles complete with the signature bright blue color and even eyes! There were giant googly eyes that were placed quite provocatively over the general midriff area.

"That's a winner." My sarcasm was so powerful that it came out in a monotone. Rosalie rolled her eyes dejectedly and went back to her side.

After we looked at every possible surface that held a dress, I had two to try on. The first one was too skinny and displaced my breasts better than that creepy Cookie Monster one because it was really tight. Rosalie didn't even get to see it on me.

Finally, I tried on the last one. It was a light yellow one with silver beading designed along the bodice. For lack of a better description. . .I looked like melted butter. I grudgingly had to admit that it was unfortunately the best one I had tried on.

"I look like corn on the cob!" I complained loud enough so that Rose could hear. I swiveled in front of the full length mirror to see how it would look.

"Yeah and my dress looks like a psychedelic pumpkin. Show me the damn dress," she demanded, irritated. Over the years, Rose really had not built up the stamina for more than two hours of shopping.

Frustrated, I stepped out of the dressing room and stood in front of Rosalie. I had to give her credit, for as opinionated as she was, she was definitely doing a damn good job of hiding her thoughts as she examined the dress with a thorough eye.

"Well. It'll have to do." _No need for flattery; really, Rose._

"Can't believe I'm spending money on this. . ." I muttered under my breath as she dismissed me back into the dressing room. I grumbled the entire time I was purchasing it.

Luckily, Rose and I had learned from our winter formal fiasco. This time I got the tie and matching vest I needed in about seven minutes flat. Rosalie had opted to make her date Luke – the very same one that took her to the winter dance – wear a bright orange bow tie and vest. Feel the pride, my man. . .

Rosalie was busy prepping me on prom day as we made our way back out to the car. "My mom's friend Brunico is thrilled to be able to get his hands on your hair. He can be at you house at 11 in the morning." Brunico was the extremely not straight friend of Rose's mom. He was a stylist at the most popular salon in the city. "He said not to bother planning your style; he knows exactly what he's going to do for both of us."

"I made appointments for our nails and toenails to get painted. That's at 9 in the morning. After we are all dressed and ready we'll go off to the gardens for like two hours and do pictures. Then the basketball team and dates have reservations at some restaurant." Oh my damn. I would be asleep before the actual dance started. It seemed like girls objectified themselves way too much for these occasions.

"How do I not know this until now?" I asked her with utmost curiosity.

"Simple. You've been in your own little bubble since our meet last week." I grinned at her answer. It didn't exactly take a detective to figure out why I was so happy. Rose hit the nail right with the hammer so to speak. Edward's phone call had made my entire week.

When I didn't argue with her answer she looked over at me, still keeping both hands on the wheel. She glanced at me with her eyes shining and a knowing, simple smile graced her lips.

Prom day came along no faster or slower than any other day. I was throwing myself into my school work with finals approaching rapidly. But along with that, I was immersed into the golf meets and practices. I was having my best season ever and concentrating really had at practice. I really wanted to play for a college team in a couple years.

Any spare time I had from studying and practicing I was thinking about Edward's arrival. So far I had a pretty hefty list of things I wanted to do when he got here in a couple months. It was hard to day dream about someone when you didn't even know what they looked like, but impressively I managed.

I was also anxious about Alice coming. As it turned out, Sergeant Whitlock had a dad that lived about 20 minutes away from us. Alice didn't have a family that I knew of, but she did have the same leave as Jasper, so they were going to be at his dad's house for the duration of their leave.

I didn't want to steal any of their alone time. I knew they really didn't get much, if any, at base and this was their vacation. But Alice and I had discussed getting together and being able to meet. I wanted her to come up to the cabin with me, and maybe even Rosalie. But I left that up to her.

Alice used email much more than Edward did. Not that I minded. I preferred letters over emails much more, just like he did. One time he had said something about delayed gratification. I wouldn't say that I'm all for _that_, because let's face it, patience is a virtue I sorely lack in, but I'd admittedly been getting better. Alice and I no longer even sent letters to each other – we just corresponded with one another through computers.

So when I unknowingly let it slip out that I was going to prom a few days ago, she wanted to see a picture of my dress. I learned that Alice had a bit of a knack for clothes and sort of liked keeping up with fashion trends. She wasn't a big fan of the color army green, but she was very proud of her uniform from what I had gathered.

After Rosalie and I got back from our pedicures and manicures, we had a little time to ourselves to eat brunch. We were munching on something Esme had made in the dining room while I had my laptop next to me and was scrolling through some things before I checked my email. I had an email from Alice. . .and Edward.

_Delayed gratification my ass, Sergeant._

I smirked.

Cautiously, I glanced at Rosalie. She was texting rapidly and thoroughly distracted. I let out a silent breath of relief at the all clear sign. Rose could read me like _Seventeen Magazine_.

I didn't know what the occasion was for me to be graced with an email, but before my thoughts could head down the lovely worry lane I clicked open. I got the impression that Edward only used email when it was pretty important. And by opening it quickly, I wouldn't have to fret any longer than a few seconds. I couldn't allow myself to think about him being hurt.

**From**: Sergeant E. Masen  
**Subject**: Off to the Ball  
**Date**: 19, April 2008, 10:33 AM  
**To**: Bella Swan

_Alice tells me you have quite the day planned out. I wish the best._

_I never really did the whole prom experience. Tuxedos aren't really my thing. I much prefer my issued military blues._

_Do I get a picture?_

Grinning, I clicked reply. So there wasn't really a reason for his spontaneous email. I was glad.

**From**: Bella Swan  
**Subject**: Glass Slippers?  
**Date**: 19, April 2008, 10:36 AM  
**To**: Sergeant E. Masen

_Yes, we've already been to the nail salon and are anxiously awaiting the arrival of the man who's going to make my hair look gorgeous._

_Strange. I definitely pegged you as a typical prom man. I can't say the same for dressing up as you though. I somewhat enjoy it. Except when I look like corn on the cob. . ._

_Hmm, I'll think about the pictures. But I think it'll give you too much hope seeing me all glammed up. You'll be thoroughly disappointed when you realize the real deal isn't as nice as the pictures._

After I pressed send I went back to my salad. I really wasn't a salad person. I wanted a stack of warm, buttery waffles.

I wondered who Rosalie was texting. I cleared my throat and she looked up. She raised her eyebrows in expectancy. I gestured for her to explain.

"What? Oh, just making sure Luke got the corsage."

"You guys have been getting along," I commented while picking up my glass of ice tea. Rose's eyes narrowed in the slightest.

She was quick with a defensive retort statement. "So have you and Elliot." Idly, I wondered why she was defensive about that in the first place.

"Actually, I think we're done. I mean, in a couple weeks that is." That was nothing new to Rosalie. Elliot and I had talked about it when we went golfing last weekend. We mutually decided that as soon as school got out, we wouldn't keep up the dating pretense any longer. There was really no need; I didn't see a lot of the people from school in the summer anyways. Well, not the ones I disliked at least. . .

I really thought Elliot deserved a good girlfriend. That entitled someone who was actually interested in him. He was a good guy, and it would have been awesome if we actually were attracted to each other.

"Going to stage an overly dramatic screaming fit as your final act?" she asked with amusement.

"It's a possibility. . ." I smirked at her in response. My laptop dinged to alert me that I had another email. Rose went back to her cell phone and continued to text at an impressive speed.

**From**: Sergeant E. Masen  
**Subject**: Glass Was Not Intended for Footwear  
**Date**: 19, April 2008, 10:42 AM  
**To**: Bella Swan

_Did you get black nails?_

_That's always a very pretty feminine touch to add to a yellow dress. I'm sure you'll be the most appetizing looking girl there._

_Disappointed? I sincerely doubt that._

_You going solo to this event?_

Hmm, I dare say that the Sergeant was flirting with me. I had to say, this email thing was a hell of a lot more fun. In letters, I got Edward's deeper side – the more thoughtful and intense part of his personality. In emails he was much more playful and. . .flirtatious? That was such a lame word.

**From**: Bella Swan  
**Subject**: Fan of Corn?  
**Date**: 19, April 2008, 10:46 AM  
**To**: Sergeant E. Masen

_Unfortunately I have a pretty self enforced policy against colors on my body that are also colors of olives._

_So as a result, there were no black nails for me._

_Speaking of sincerely, why the loss of the prominent signature? I was growing rather fond of it._

_Solo? No, not quite._

**From**: Sergeant E. Masen  
**Subject**: The Best of All Vegetables  
**Date**: 19, April 2008, 10:51 AM  
**To**: Bella Swan

_What did the color green ever do to you?_

_As it so happens, that would be the color of my eyes and I'm now wounded._

_I suppose you paint your nails brown, just because it's not a form of olive?_

_I've decided that particular signature serves a stronger purpose in the letters I write. I come off as prominent? Interesting._

_So who's the lucky little ass who gets to escort you?_

**From**: Bella Swan  
**Subject**: Carrots Are Better  
**Date**: 19, April 2008, 10:54 AM  
**To**: Sergeant E. Masen

_Well. Our stylist Brunico has just arrived. I have to be off._

_And no, I was not aware that you had green eyes. And I don't paint my nails brown._

_The color green has never personally offended me. I just have an immense distaste of olives and their colors in general._

_Prominent indeed Sergeant. I'm off, talk to you soon._

_P.S. He's not an ass._

**From**: Sergeant E. Masen  
**Subject**: Would you Prefer Jackass?  
**Date**: 19, April 2008, 10:56 AM  
**To**: Bella Swan

_Have fun my little kernel._

**From**: Bella Swan  
**Subject**: No, I Wouldn't  
**Date**: 19, April 2008, 10:58 AM  
**To**: Sergeant E. Masen

_Stay safe please._

**From**: Sergeant E. Masen  
**Subject**: Always Am  
**Date**: 19, April 2008, 11:01 AM  
**To**: Bella Swan

_I thought you had to go._

**From**: Bella Swan  
**Subject**: Smirking Are We?  
**Date**: 19, April 2008, 11:03 AM  
**To**: Sergeant E. Masen

_I do. BYE._

**From**: Sergeant E. Masen  
**Subject**: Am I That Obvious?  
**Date**: 19, April 2008, 11:05 AM  
**To**: Bella Swan

_Still going to call you kernel..._

I smiled as I closed the laptop. Esme had gone to get the door for Brunico and was talking to him excitedly about life, and Rosalie stacked our dishes before bouncing eagerly to greet him. I walked over and gave him a hug and we headed upstairs to my room. Apparently we had quite a lot of ground to cover in the next couple hours.

Brunico sat me down in front of the mirror in the large bathroom and took out his assortment of hair products. He started right away, because I guess we had no time to lose. While he was chattering away about Pairs Hilton in his adorable Australian accent, I watched what he was doing in the mirror. When he looked up, I noticed that Brunico had green eyes.

I drowned out Brunico and contemplated that little tid-bit I had just learned about Edward. Hmm, green eyes. Maybe he was Irish? I tried my hardest to create some type of image of what he looked like. Now all I just pictured as was a set of green eyes.

"Something on your mind, my dear?" Brunico asked when he realized I wasn't paying attention to his chatter. I cleared my thoughts and smiled reassuringly at him.

"No, I'm just excited," I lied with an amazingly false grin. He smiled back at me and went back to doing whatever the hell he was doing with my hair. But really, to think of it, I was excited. I was just excited for June 20th, not prom.

Two hours and a lot of hair tugging later, Rosalie and I were ready. I was in my yellow puff dress which I admittedly was starting to grow the tiniest bit fond of and Rose was dressed in her orange floor length psychedelic orange gown. She sure as hell didn't look like a pumpkin; she looked like the goddess of fire.

Elliot and Luke, along with Rose's mom, showed up a little after we were dressed and ready. Esme was excitedly snapping pictures as we got our corsages. We went outside to take a quick few pictures of the couples before actually heading to the local gardens where literally the whole school would be.

"You look awesome," Elliot grinned at me as he placed his hand on my waist and I stepped in closer to him. I was pretty relieved he didn't put it on my ass, I'd tell him off of course, but I really rather did not do that on prom night.

"I'm glad one of us can pull off the yellow," I smiled back gesturing towards the tie and vest. Elliot rolled his eyes but didn't respond because Esme was taking another picture. Then she had just me and Rose take a picture together without the guys. If it turned out well I would probably have to go buy another frame for it.

"That's the one you have to send to Edward and Alice," Rosalie grinned at me as Esme handed me the camera so I could see the picture. I looked at her in surprise. Damn she was intuitive.

"And Emmett," I added, giving her a teasing elbow in the side.

And then, one of the strangest phenomenon's I'd ever witnessed took place. I looked on in absolute awe as a soft red blush coated the cheeks of Rosalie Hale. She saw my eyes widening and narrowed her sky blue ones right back at me, daring me to call her out. I just grinned.

Going onto AnySoldier months ago, I had no inclination that my life would soon shift as a result of it. But somehow, over the course of events, Rosalie and I had found ourselves totally wrapped up in the world of our soldiers, and they found a place in our minds for constant thought.

* * *

_Pick your heart up off the floor_  
_Leave good intentions at the door_  
_Is she gonna say yes?_  
_Is she gonna say no?_  
_What's she gonna say, day, way_  
_Am I moving too fast?_  
_Am I thinking too slow?_  
_I just wanna know Ohh_  
Stupid Love Letter, The Friday Night Boys

* * *

-Do you guys like the emailing? Flirty Edward is out to play (:

-The results for the _Titanic _vs. _Remember Me _debate are in. I learned about a lot about you guys from your answers, and it was fun to read them all week. Thanks for so much your help! (IN YOUR FACE SimplyDazzling.)  
_Unresolved_: 11  
_Remember Me_: 19  
_Titanic_: 22  
_Up_: 1

-So, guess who just got exactly 100 reviews for the last chapter? And guess whose on cloud fucking 9? Yeah. That'd be me. I tried to respond to all the reviews, but I just ran out of time with Christmas. Speaking of which...favorite gift? I got the _Mamma Mia _DVD. So I'm just a happy camper(:


	11. Chapter 11

_Dear Kernel,_

_Do you have self confidence issues? When you sent me those pictures on your email I was expecting to see a pretty girl in a last resort dress. Corn, although my favorite vegetable, does not do you any justice. You looked absolutely stunning. You didn't look like corn. You looked like a gorgeous flower; a fully bloomed, beautiful sunflower. And I'm completely aware that wording it like that does give me quite the creepish sound._

_I don't know why I decided to email you today. Our computers are up and picking up the Internet for the most part now so things have been much easier. It's my day off and I remembered that you had a pretty big day. So, after I twiddled my thumbs for hours I decided to send an email. I have to say, I actually enjoyed emailing almost as much as letters. Almost because everyone over here looks forward to a physical letter to be addressed to them._

_I got your letter dated last week today. I will book a flight as soon as I find time to get back on the computers again. As nice as it is to offer to cover the trip, I assure you, when the army's your life and you don't have any family. . .you do begin to build up a bit of a bank account. Don't worry; it's no problem for me._

_How has your golf season been going? Congratulations on taking first at your first meet, I knew you would kick ass. As a general rule, I'm always right. But that's just typically. I hope you continue to have a great season. Emmett tells me that Rosalie asked him to walk along at sections. He hasn't given her an answer, but I'm thinking he'll say yes. With his mom being such a country club snob, Emmett learned how to play golf when he was about four while his mom was always meeting friends for lunch._

_I definitely did not grow up by lakes. So, no; I have no clue how to water ski, or wakeboard. I could probably fish to save my life, and water tubing doesn't seem that difficult. . .but I'll end up eating my words on that one I assume. But, hey, I'm willing to try all of them._

_Remember back when you asked what my life here was really like? You somewhat demanded I tell you about my everyday life. Well, I told you it isn't something you want to think about, but if you want to really know, here it goes._

_Yesterday my squad was on patrol, another squad from a different platoon was out as well. The Iraqi people that resist our efforts think setting road side bombs will stop us. We shouldn't have missed it; someone should have been able to catch it before it went off. One of the other men closest to the bomb. . .Bella, his legs got blown off. He had third degree burns all over his body. Others were burned as well, but when we brought the kid into the medical tent and they begin work on him, his heart line went flat on the monitor. I had been standing by, explaining the situation to the working medics when it happened._

_Those are the things that happen all of the time, Bella. Granted, normally they are less severe. Things like that make you wonder how much one can actually handle. Sergeants are like older brothers, and squads are families, not like families; families. And when something happens to one of your guys, well, it's about as close as I've came to feeling like I was in hell. But that's the burden we all have here. When we get close to someone, in the back of our minds we know that any day we spend with them could be one of our last. But the pain of that thought is easier to bare than being alone out here._

_I could have saved him. I didn't kill him, I know that, but I gave him a death wish. I should have been more aware. Had I been paying attention we wouldn't be sending his body with an American flag draped over the casket home. It's my fucking fault he died. There are so many things I could have done to stop it. Hell, had we just been quicker to get him response, he'd probably still be breathing._

_The kid who died. . .he was barely 19. When you're 19, your whole life is ahead of you. He probably joined the army to help pay for his college or something. He probably had a girl back home, waiting anxiously for him to come home. He probably had a mom, sitting at home, worrying everyday for her son. His name was Private Hayden. Daniel Hayden. I don't know why I'm telling you this, I guess maybe by writing his name down. . .maybe that helps him to live on, just the smallest bit._

_I know that it could easily have been me. Death itself doesn't frighten me, it's what happens next. I know if I die, I'll die a faceless name, lost in history with no one to remember me, no one to miss me. I'm not vain enough to wish for statues built in my honor, or streets named after me. But when I leave this world, I just want to know that someone will occasionally think of me and remember my name._

_I'm sorry this is so short, but I can't keep writing._

_Sincerely,  
Sergeant Masen_

I sighed as I read the letter one more time. _I_ would miss him.

I turned my head to watch the scenery that was flying by through the large window, framing the twilight. We were on a coach bus, coming back from another one of our meets. I was exhausted and slightly disappointed. I played fine but the team didn't do that well and we took third. Individually, I took third.

It concerned me that Edward could be so fun and happy in the first part of his letter and then suddenly he was in pain. It just made me sad to think of the things Edward goes through. I knew he spared me the details of the explosion; I was fine with not knowing. But Edward couldn't just not know. He couldn't just skim over the details when they were probably perfectly etched in his mind. Experiences like that are the ones that stay with you. The ones you see when you close your eyes and try to sleep.

I had gotten the letter when I went home today to get my golf shoes which I had forgotten. When I had checked the mail, there was mail for me. Edward had written the letter last week when I was at prom. I had a quick chance to read it before rushing back to school to get on the bus. The letter had been securely tucked in my backpack during the meet and I had another chance to read it.

My head fell against the headrest on the seat and I closed my eyes. I curled my legs under me and opened my eyes, gazing out the window again. I wasn't looking, I was just thinking.

Edward was going to book his flight. _Great_. Edward thought I looked beautiful, no, stunning in my dress. _Awesome_. I was going to meet Emmett if he came to sections. _Super_.

The sadness of the second portion of his letter weighed down on me. _I watched a young kid die. Those are the things that happen all of the time, Bella._ All the time? I thought I was a strong person, and then you read things like that, and it really makes you question who on earth have the most strength.

The worst part of that whole thing is that by the way he was writing it. He was blaming himself for a death caused by some Iraqi. He blamed himself for not being better. It made my heart ache for the faceless soldier with green eyes.

I allowed my thoughts to wander. Alice was only a couple years older than me. We both lost our parents at young ages. And she joined the army and is dealing with the same things that Edward is. It made me feel exceedingly insignificant. . .not that I really cared; it was more of an observation.

I was rubbing my sleep deprived face with both my hands when I felt someone sit down next to me. Well I knew it wasn't Rose at least. She was crashing behind me. Actually, she was blocking the aisle because her feet were stretched across to the seats beside her.

Opening my eyes I saw Brenner sit down in the empty seat next to mine. I tucked my feet in closer to me and fought back a yawn. I really hoped we weren't going to have a very in depth conversation. Sleep had just about to come to me. _This better be good, Brenner, or someone's going to die. . ._

I looked at him expectantly. "I wanted to talk to you about how the season has been going."

"Shouldn't you wake Rose up for this?" I asked him quizzically.

"Firstly, no way in heck will I be the one that wakes her up. And secondly this little talk only pertains to you." Well that got my attention. I angled myself so I was looking comfortably at Brenner.

"So what I'm about to say in purely theoretical. Don't go getting all offended." I nodded. Brenner continued. "Your game has been amazing this year, Bella. There is absolutely no denying it. Today was an off day for the entire team, I expect that every once in awhile."

"Where exactly are you going with this. . .?"

Ignoring my comment, Brenner continued. "I've seen you at the sky dome working your tail off over the winter. That's awesome, and you've really improved. But there is something else that I noticed. Our first meet after you got off the phone with that guy; you shot your best round."

"Edward," I automatically corrected.

"Well, Edward. Anyway, since you've come into repeated contact with him, you have been playing as well as the number 1 in state. But today, I think it was more than a bad day." _It was goddamn awful day. . ._

"I'm assuming that letter is from him, and I'm also assuming that he wrote something that frustrated you in it. Now these are two assumptions that if wrong, throw off my entire theory." My eyes began narrowing without my knowing as I started to figure out where he was going with this.

I sighed. "Yeah, I suppose frustration would be a fair enough definition." _Or despair._ Whatever; same thing.

Brenner nodded thoughtfully. Several moments later, right before the silence was about to annoy me, he started to speak once more.

"Here's where you have to go with me and not smack me. I think with this Edward guy in your life now, when things are good and he's happy, you're happy. And as a result, your happiness puts you in a calmer and more content manner which does wonders to your game." I processed that for a second. "But today, he was upset or wrote something that would upset you, so now, you didn't play well because you were frustrated, and therefore distracted with something he said."

Once it was clear that Brenner's little speech had come to an end I leaned back. I had to give him credit; he was definitely much more observant then I had thought. But his little idea seemed to have some good reasoning. I had to admit he was right, when things were good in Sergeant Masen World, I was generally relieved and happy. But today, that letter had been on my mind most of the round and it didn't go too well.

I reflected Edward's feelings. That was basically what Brenner was trying to point out. It made sense. I hadn't realized I was doing it, but now that he pointed it out, I did. But I didn't know what that meant. It probably wasn't normal for you to mirror someone else's feelings who you haven't even met. I hadn't comprehended how deep I was in with Edward.

And I didn't want to admit it to Brenner.

"Well I worked really hard over the year to improve my game. Maybe I'm just that good without him and today it was just too cold and my score suffered." I was being rude; I could hear it in my voice. I really just didn't want to accept what he was saying. Plus, he was use to my decidedly snarky attitude.

Brenner almost rolled his eyes. He could see through that shit fairly effortlessly. "See? I told you not to go get offended. I said it was just a theory. And you know it wasn't the cold. You've been playing it for years; you are well equipped for it."

I didn't say anything. This was embarrassing. I wasn't even dating Edward! I was a little mad that Brenner was so intuitive. We were just friends. Friends who apparently shared an intense connection. . .

"What exactly are you trying to say by telling me this?"

"Just be careful, Swan. It's not really my business and you can take care of yourself, but don't get your heart broken." I nodded, my lips turning up in the slightest. It was slightly weird to see this side of Brenner. But it was nice nevertheless to be reminded that people cared all around me, especially after Edward's most recent letter. He grinned back at me then before adding, "Because then all hopes of our team placing in state go down the toilet. Not like Rosa-freaking-93 back there can carry the team."

I laughed as he jolted forward from a solid kick to the back of his seat. Rosalie happened to be awake. And apparently not too happy with him for mocking her score. Rolling his eyes, he rocketed out of his seat and went to bug Rose some more. I looked on with exasperation.

Though it wasn't his intention, Brenner had managed to thoroughly distract me from Edward's letter. I was glad for it.

The next day, as if Esme had been there during Brennan's talk, I got a little announcement from my adoptive mother. Es on the other hand of Brenner was worried about something other than a broken heart and bad golf game.

"You get pregnant out of wedlock and we will disown you."

That's always something you want to hear over breakfast at 7:30 in the morning. My eyes widened as I tried to force the cereal to go down my throat. While I'm sure there was some sentiment in that lovely statement, I wasn't exactly prepared to discuss that topic.

"Awesome."

"I'm being serious," Esme chided me as she sipped her coffee like we were discussing our monthly donations to those sad homeless animal commercials. It was the fact that she was being serious that frightened me.

"I realize that." I told her, putting down my spoon next to my half eaten bowl of Fruity Pebbles.

"Well, your fath- Carlisle," she caught herself and continued, trying not to draw attention to her little slip. "He's concerned about the arrival of Edward in a few weeks." _Four and a half_, I mentally corrected her.

So I may have been counting down. Sue me.

"Anyway. Let's go get you protected from STDs!" I blanched as Esme cheerfully clapped her hands. Of course I realized that she was being in fact sarcastic, but it wasn't easy. I stared at her, my eyebrows up to my hairline. She was ridiculously amused by this whole ordeal.

I wasn't a little slut. I wasn't going to jump Edward the second he got off the plane. I wasn't planning to jump him at all! Besides. . .the legal age of consent here was 18. So, even if I wanted to screw his brains out; it was illegal. And I'm pretty sure that statutory rape wouldn't look great on his record.

"When you say go get protected, I hope you mean buying a pack of condoms." My mental freak out was already at stage two. I was trying to coach myself; _it probably wouldn't be that bad. Esme knows you already had the talk. Esme's fine, it could be worse; Carlisle could be having this conversation with you. You'll be fine._

I had heard the stories of the girls in my grade. About half were on some sort of birth control. Therefore they had already had their fun little exam. And they all had different tales. _No one fucking cares that some dude felt you up. Stop being so damn dramatic._ But over the months I had heard my share, no matter how unwilling I was.

"Nope. You have an appointment with Dr. Mitchell today." I skipped over stage three and went straight to four. We were almost at full blown panic.

I glared at Esme's eyes which were twinkling with laughter. I hated to get this worked up over something like this, but I really didn't want some doctor up in my privates. I was a very. . .private person. Oh for the love of God; I hated unintentional puns. . .

"If I have a male doctor you will be dragging me out of this house kicking and screaming."

"Stop being over dramatic. Dr. Mitchell is a woman. Carlisle arranged for her to meet with you. She's one of the best," she half heartedly soothed me.

"Fantastic. One of Carlisle's friends. That's just great. I can just see this doctor grabbing a cup of coffee in the break room while chatting with Carlisle. _The weather's lovely out._ _Did you hear about the national dept? Yeah, it's pretty bad. Did you know your daughter is sexually clean? Nope, no STDs whatsoever. Yup, she is healthy as a horse down there. Well, nice talking to you!" _

Esme blinked as I ended my little, and slightly hysterical rant. Then she rolled her eyes and smirked at me. I continued to glare at her like the teenage that I was.

"Don't be ridiculous. She wouldn't say that." Esme sighed, "The national dept is horrendous; not pretty bad."

I said nothing.

"Oh, stop glaring. Go get dressed; your appointment is in half an hour." Sighing, I pushed myself from the table and sulked upstairs.

They say that if you aren't mature enough to have these exams then you shouldn't be having sex in the first place. First off, I wasn't having sex and I really wasn't counting on it. And second, I was mature enough to handle this, I was just choosing not to, because I felt no need for it, hence the first point.

"You know, I talked to Rosalie's mom too. She is having her exam done today as well," Esme called up the stairs in a matter-of-factly tone. I snickered. That did make me feel a lot better actually. I could not wait for her stories.

"Why exactly do I need a pelvic exam? I'm about as virginal as a rock," I complained as I climbed into Esme's Pearl Escalade.

"It's not a pelvic exam. It's more like. . .a tiny pelvic exam. It'll be fine," she sighed as she slid on her large sunglasses and pulled out of the drive way.

"Awesome. As long as it isn't a full blown pelvic exam," I responded with the utmost sarcasm.

"That's the spirit." Esme grinned over at me. "I would die to see Rose's reaction when her mom told her."

"She will definitely have stories for me later." I smiled as well. But then again, I'll probably have just as great of an experience as her.

"Oh my God! You gotta hear about my doctor's appointment!" _Yes!_ I internally cheered as Rosalie unbuckled her seat belt and leaned up towards me.

I was extraordinarily relieved. I didn't get an exam whatsoever. Well, Dr. Mitchell didn't get a view of my vagina at least. We had a quick little verbal conversation and I got information on every type of birth control possible. After being completely overwhelmed, I decided to get a depo shot. Esme got me ice cream afterward. I had smiled like a little boy on Christmas.

I wasn't planning on playing a round of golf after getting blood drawn and a shot, but Rosalie and I had made a tee-time yesterday with Elliot and Jacob. So we decided to suck it up and play.

I had picked Elliot up in my truck along with Rosalie and we had gotten to the golf course way before Jacob. So we stayed in the truck for a little bit. Elliot was fiddling with the radio in the front seat next to me. He turned it down when Rosalie leaned in between the two seats.

"Some old fart fingered me this morning! He was really creepy, but yet he looked like my fucking grandpa!" I grinned as Rosalie started her tale with exuberance. Glancing at Elliot, I saw him cringe. Rose didn't really have that many limits.

"He told me to put my feet on these little stands and I was 'Oh, wha? Kay?' so I did. And then he spreads my legs like into splits and puts on his glasses like he's about to read a damn book." She took a breath and then dove right back in. "I had sent my mom out of the room and the man was just talking to me. He told me if I felt uncomfortable at any point a nurse or my mom could come in to hold my hand. Um, great, so, I should ask for a nurse after you shove your fingers in there?" I laughed as Rosalie grimaced. I was having trouble keeping up with her fast pace speaking. And her octave was going all over the place.

"And then! Then he shoved this little metal thing right into my–" Rosalie was just getting to the best part when Elliot abruptly cut her off.

"I'm done," he said simply, grimacing as he opened the passenger door and walked right out. He stalked away shaking his head.

"Where's he going?" she asked, confused. "Should I go out and apologize?"

"I bet that's exactly what he wants to hear. _Hey Elliot, sorry I was so expressive while I was explaining what they did to my womanly parts_? I'm sure that would go over amazingly," I replied sarcastically. Rosalie's mouth formed a small 'O' for a moment before she launched right back into her tale.

"After him staring in there for like 20 minutes he pulled it out and then he shoved his fingers right in there. And I was like _'Holy Fuck! Mom!'_"

As much as Edward wanted to know about my life, and how open he was about his, this would definitely not be something I would be sharing with him in any future letters. Period.

* * *

_From yesterday, it's coming_  
_From yesterday, the fear_  
_From yesterday, it calls him_  
_But he doesn't wanna read the message here_

_On a mountain he sits, not of gold, but of sin_  
_Through the blood, he can learn see the life that it turn_  
_From council of one he'll decide when he's done_  
_With the innocent on his face is a map of the world_  
_A map of the world, on his face is a map of the world  
_From Yesterday, 30 Seconds to Mars

* * *

-Gotta love Rose. Hope you're ready for her mom! Hands up if you love an insightful Brenner...  
-Emmett next chapter? Why yes. Yes indeed.  
-Again, I wanted to thank you all for your tremendous support and love you continue to give me with this story...you don't know how blessed I am to have each and everyone of you as readers. And that sentiment says a fucking lot; 'cause generally I'm more sarcastic than Bella, and _so _not sentimental.

-Finally...I'm kinda curious...where exactly do you think Bella lives? She doesn't live in Forks, or even Washington. So let's play where in the US is Bella! Leave me your guesses(:


	12. Chapter 12

Claps for SimplyDazzling. She did a hell of a job editing, as always.

* * *

The last day of school came fairly quickly. Due to all the snow days we had, we were required to go till the end of the first week of June. Two days after school ended we had to go to sections for golf, and Emmett would be arriving to visit Rosalie tomorrow. I was still hazy on the details and wasn't sure how long he would be here, but I knew that Rosalie was extremely excited for him to come.

It was our last day of health; one period left of the day and I was watching Rosalie's knee bounce up and down rapidly with impatience. I was smirking when she started to tap her pink pen against the table in sync with the knee bobbing. She sighed loudly and glanced at the clock for the 100th time in the last three minutes.

"_Holy shit_ calm down," I hissed to her while grabbing onto the offending knee to make it stop.

"I _can't_!" Rose hissed back at me, with a silent, _duh _implied at the end.

"We have practice right after this and Brenner is really cracking the whip, so if you don't settle down he'll make you stay for an extra three hours," I reminded her.

"I don't give a fuck. It'll give me something else to do." Her profanity came out louder than she intended, so Mr. Heit overheard our little conversation and got a glint in his eye.

"Miss Hale. Will you please tell the class what you have learned this year?" The pen tapping stopped abruptly and she raised an incredulous eyebrow at him.

"Well Mr. Heit, this year I learned that if I ever have sex there is no need whatsoever for a condom because I will not get a disease or pregnant. And drugs are healthy, so I shouldn't have any trouble finding a dealer," she answered sweetly, tilting her head with a smile in his direction. I snickered as the pen tapping and knee bouncing resumed.

"Nice," Mr. Heit commented flatly, giving her a quick glare before calling on some other unsuspecting kid.

Mercifully, the loud bell shrilled a couple painful minutes later. I let out a breath of relief and grinned. No more school for 100 days. I didn't mind school, I really didn't. But it was just time. And that also meant that it was only two more weeks until Edward got off that plane.

"Damnit, this wait is just hell. I feel like yelling every swear word I know at the top of my lungs just to pass the time," Rosalie complained as we walked out of the classroom. Her frustration? Well it was rolling off of her in tidal waves that weren't exactly affecting my good mood.

"Wait until we're on the putting green. The course will love that."

Rose stuck her tongue out at me, and I rolled my eyes as we grabbed our backpacks out of our lockers. Just as we were out of the hallways and in the fresh, June sunshine, I felt someone's presence behind me. Before I could turn, an arm was casually thrown around my shoulder.

"So. It's a no to the screaming match?" Elliot grinned at me. I chuckled and nodded.

If anyone asked, I did have an elaborate tale of our break up that I had come up with. It involved chipmunks, potatoes, a rake, and a whole lot of swear words.

"Yeah, I think I'll pass. But feel free to fabricate any story you want," I smiled at him. We were officially broken up. I was a free woman. I chuckled.

"Oh, believe me I will. Thanks for being my fake girl," Elliot held out his fist and I bumped it with my own.

"Anytime. Now please find a real one?" I wrapped my arm around his waist and looked up at him with dancing eyes.

Elliot pulled me into a hug, wrapping both of his strong arms around me so that my face was pressed against his gray t-shirt. I hugged him back with a smile. I was glad that I had agreed to it months ago. Elliot turned out to be a great friend.

"You got it, Swan." We broke apart and he leaned down and gave me a cute kiss on the cheek.

"Have a good summer!" he beamed while one of his buddies called his name. I smiled back at him and he jogged through the parking lot to catch up with them. Rosalie was waiting for me in the truck.

She didn't comment on Elliot and I's exchange and therefore I chose to ignore the fact that her other leg was now bouncing as well.

"Are you picking him up from the airport tomorrow?" I asked, doing nothing whatsoever to distract her.

"Yeah, my mom's giving me the car. His flight is supposed to arrive at 12:07," she nodded. I grinned, keeping my eyes on the road. Rosalie was anything but patient. Admittedly, I was enjoying her anxiousness a little too much. It was amusing as always.

"Want me to come with you?"

"Nah, I'm fine."

"I'm anxious to meet him. Is he staying at our hotel?" There were two days of sections. I was confident that we would play well enough to make the cut to go to the next day. Since the course was an hour away and the start time of the second day was fairly early, we booked hotel reservations as a team.

"Yeah his reservation is set."

"You nervous?" It was a dumb question considering the answer was blatantly obvious.

Rosalie inhaled and then shook her head as she let out her breath. "No, no. I'm good."

I chose not to accuse bullshit.

I felt for Rosalie. She was a little. . .no, _a lot_ freaked out about meeting him in person and bringing him into her home. I knew that sections were going to be a little stressful for her. I would try to help her out the best I could. Rose didn't want Emmett to feel left out, especially the first few days of his leave, but she needed to concentrate so I got the role of Sergeant-sitting.

"This'll be fun!" I smiled encouragingly at her. She rolled her eyes exaggeratively.

"You mean the part when Brenner gives me shit about Emmett? What if he calls him my boyfriend or something and Emmett's right there? Oh shit. . .I hadn't even thought of that till now!" I lent Rose an empathetic ear the rest of the ride to golf practice.

Turns out I was right. Brenner was trying to do the hard ass thing, so we all stayed for two extra hours of practice. By the time we were done, Rosalie was exhausted and therefore I didn't have to hear any more.

As eager as I was to meet Emmett – the Emmett I had been reading stories about for months – it didn't affect me from getting 11 hours of sleep that night. Things were starting to whirl around in my life; everything was going by fast. I was doing my best not to let it overwhelm me. Staying calm and relaxed is what I discovered worked the best. That and sleep; lots of it.

I had decided weeks ago that I would leave Rosalie and Emmett alone the day he got here. This was for two particular reasons: first off, I didn't want to intrude at all. Rosalie was extremely excited to have him in person, and I really hated the feeling of being a third wheel. Second off; I hoped that Rose would extend the same courtesy when Edward came in a couple weeks.

The next day I woke up, cocooned in my feather down comforter. I yawned loudly and pulled my hands above my head as my legs stretched the sleep out of them. I did this for a full minute until all my limbs were looser. Without really caring, I glanced at my alarm clock. 10:45. I yawned again with a grin.

There was nothing more pleasurable in the world than waking up 4 hours later on the first day of summer than you normally would. It even beat the feeling of freshly shaven legs rubbing together against your soft blankets as you crawled into bed right after a shower. And from experience, that was saying a lot.

I was debating on whether or not to actually get up from my bed when I noticed that the light from my laptop was flashing. It was nestled by the power outlet on the carpet on the other side of the room. The flashing meant that I had a new email. The conflict I was having was whether or not it was worth it to get up from my personal little heaven and see who it was from.

Curiosity overruled my laziness and with some protest from my legs, I managed to slide out and pad over to scoop out the computer. My stomach gurgled unflatteringly and so I figured it might be a good idea to go and get some food, so I took the laptop down to the kitchen with me. The wooden floor was cold on my feet and I regretted my decision to come downstairs.

The house was ominously empty of anybody else as I ate some freshly cut fruit I found in the fridge. _Ah summer_. I grinned to myself as I looked at the clock on the screen of my computer. I would be in third period right now. Sorry geometry, I prefer the sleep I got today over you and your evils.

After I was finished with my produce filled breakfast I was fairly awake and decided to see who had been emailing me. I had my suspicions but I didn't want to get my hopes up. Besides, it was probably a dumb-ass forward from this one chick in my grade who thought they were hilarious.

Pleasantly surprised was the understatement of the millennium when I read that it was not from her. I beamed as I clicked on the email sent from over seas at a base camp in Iraq.

**From**: Sergeant E. Masen  
**Subject**: FORE.  
**Date**: 7, June 2008, 10:28 AM  
**To**: Bella Swan

_Good luck at sections tomorrow._

_Things are a hell of a lot quieter here without Emmett around. Let me know how that goes for you._

_How's everything going, Miss Senior? Or are you repeating junior year again?_

**From**: Bella Swan  
**Subject**: PAR.  
**Date**: 7, June 2008, 10:57 AM  
**To**: Sergeant E. Masen

_Why thank you Sergeant. I don't intend to need your luck, but it's nice to hear anyway._

_I'll bet it is much quieter. I haven't actually met him yet. I suppose I'll have to wait until tomorrow to have the honor._

_Of course I'm a senior._

_It's going very well. I just slept 11 hours._

**From**: Sergeant E. Masen  
**Subject**: BOGEY.  
**Date**: 7, June 2008, 10:59 AM  
**To**: Bella Swan

_I didn't mean to imply you would need it. But it was just a good reason to email you._

_You'll like Emmett. He's a fun guy, and luckily for you he does have a few boundaries so you don't have to worry about him getting tossed off the golf course for noise._

_Mmm, I can't wait to get to your house. 11 hours is almost double what I sleep usually._

**From**: Bella Swan  
**Subject**: BIRDIE.  
**Date**: 7, June 2008, 11:03 a.m.  
**To**: Sergeant E. Masen

_Who needs a reason?_

_I'm glad to hear he has some limits. Maybe he'll teach Rosalie some. Like maybe not to swear out the manager of the club house._

_What makes you think I will let you get that much sleep? I plan to have you up at the crack of dawn every single day for four weeks._

_And frankly I find the subjects of your emails to be even more insulting typed in CAPS._

**From**: Sergeant E. Masen  
**Subject**: Me? Insulting?  
**Date**: 7, June 2008, 11:07 a.m.  
**To**: Bella Swan

_Noted for future occurrences._

_Swearing out a golf club manager? Hmm, well I'm afraid she may not find very good influence from Emmett then. I'm interested to see how those two will get along._

_What will we be doing at the crack of dawn? Milking the cows and feeding the chickens?_

_So you aren't a fan of the little __Caps Lock__ key?_

**From**: Bella Swan  
**Subject**: Insulting? No. Negative.  
**Date**: 7, June 2008, 11:09 a.m.  
**To**: Sergeant E. Masen

_Screw those two. If she doesn't end up killing him in the first three hours they'll be fine. The rest of us will have to deal with it either way._

_Milking the cows? How amusing, Masen. But your guess was completely and utterly wrong you smart ass._

_We milk goats._

**From**: Sergeant E. Masen  
**Subject**: …you're kidding, right?  
**Date**: 7, June 2008, 11:12 a.m.  
**To**: Bella Swan

_I agree. Screw them._

_I am a smart ass among many others, such as jack, dumb, hard, sexy. . .Needless to say, I could go on. (;_

Do you have pigs that need to be fed as well?

**From**: Bella Swan  
**Subject**: You'll Find Out  
**Date**: 7, June 2008, 11:16 a.m.  
**To**: Sergeant E. Masen

_Sexy ass? I didn't know that was commonly used among the others._

_Yes. It would be embarrassing if we were pig-less._

**From**: Sergeant E. Masen  
**Subject**: Fresh Bacon?  
**Date**: 7, June 2008, 11:19 a.m.  
**To**: Bella Swan

_I am anything but common. So yes. Sexy ass. You'll see._

_It would be such a disgrace that I would be unable to be seen with you if you didn't have pigs._

_My computer time is up. Even though you don't need it, good luck again, and beat the other teams into the ground._

**From**: Bella Swan  
**Subject**: Disgrace Indeed.  
**Date**: 7, June 2008, 11:22 a.m.  
**To**: Sergeant E. Masen

_Alright, sexy ass. I plan to do just that, thanks. See you soon!_

Hmm. . .I actually would.

I closed the laptop and smiled. I sat for a minute, content as I always was after getting word from Edward. It just made me even more excited for his approaching arrival.

I went upstairs to change into some clothes so I could go to the driving range. While I was changing the grin stayed glued in place.

Hey, if he said he was sexy, I had no reason not to trust him.

That morning I met Emmett. Everything I had ever heard about him was completely true.

We had to be at the course by 10:00 A.M. But that meant we had an hour car drive and Brenner wanted us to have an hour practice with a half to put our shit into the hotel. That meant we had to be at the school by 7:30. Waking up at nearly eleven yesterday had spoiled me and I was exceedingly tired.

I had to bring out the tea that actually had caffeine in it when I was getting ready this morning. Carlisle dropped me off at the school and came back home for a little while before leaving to come and walk along with my group. Esme had a huge wedding and couldn't be there for the first day.

Carlisle was getting my golf bag out of the bed of his truck and I was grabbing my overnight bag and other crap when I saw him. I mean, it had to be him. There was no one else that it could have been.

And _holy shit_.

Carlisle took my bags over to where Brenner was standing with his back leaning against the coach bus. Figuring that Carlisle had it covered, I slid my sunglasses on and walked over to where Rosalie was standing with a literal giant. I had to admit, I was a bit jealous of her. Because, boy, this man was _hot_. And she would be spending the better part of four weeks with him.

"Hey!" Rosalie said excitedly. I grinned a hello at her and then couldn't help my eyes wandering over to the man she was standing next to. "Emmett, this is–"

"Bella! How's it hanging?" Emmett interrupted Rose and pulled me into a bear hug. This was after I jumped from the volume of his voice. I threw my right hand that was holding my thermos of tea up in the air so it wouldn't get knocked all over us.

I was a bit taken back by him, but I started laughing nevertheless. I was at least seven inches shorter than his shoulder. He was really tall, and I had never seen that big of muscle. His hair was a standard army buzz cut, but it was pressed down and looked like it was more along the lines of cut than shaved. I looked up at him through my shades and noticed that he had a dimple to compliment his smile and brown eyes. It was slightly ironic; my eyes were brown and I also had a dimple. Though his was so prominent, mine were barely noticeable compared to his.

"Hey Emmett," I said through laughs as he released me and I safely brought my steaming drink out of the air.

"It's awesome to meet you! Between Rosie and Eddie both talking about you it's like I already know you!" Emmett grinned at me as he stepped back by Rosalie. Rosalie was taller than me and he even made her look short. I felt like I was shrinking exceedingly. Luckily it didn't bother me much.

"It's mutual!" I grinned, caught up with his infectious attitude. "So I have to ask. . .did you really get into a fight with a raccoon?" I couldn't help myself, I really just had to ask.

Well I wasn't thinking about it at the time, I was glad that Emmett was easy to get along with right from the get go and totally sucked away any awkwardness. I was hoping it would be that easy when Edward came.

A deep, happy laugh answered my question. "Yeah, but that was years ago! And it was over my favorite shirt which Edward had thrown in the garbage as a prank. That raccoon formed a strong bond with it and would not give it back when I pulled at it. Then the colonel came out and. . .let's just say unfortunately the raccoon won that little game of tug a war." Rosalie and I giggled at his story as the image of this huge guy wrestling with a raccoon came into our heads.

"Did you get Edward back?" Rosalie asked him with a conspiring grin.

"Hell yes! But it all backfired. . .so. . .no. I didn't actually." I fell silent as I watched the two of them exchange a quiet conversation and grins. Rosalie – thank God – did a complete 180 from yesterday and now she was almost glowing. It looked like the pregnancy or first time glow. Only her's was just contagious. I couldn't help smiling seeing Rosalie so relaxed and happy with this guy.

"Well ladies, hate to interrupt but we have a tournament to go and win," Brenner called from the stairs of the bus. I looked from him back at Rose and Emmett. I was suddenly overcome with an extreme feeling of curiosity about those two.

"That'd be my cue." Rosalie grinned at him. It had been less then 24 hours and I could see her eyes twinkling with adoration. His weren't far from it either.

"Kay, I'll see you at the hotel then." Emmett's attention was focused solely on her and she smiled shyly at him.

"Yeah, see you then," she agreed. And that there was Rosalie Lillian Hale completely besotted.

"Swan, Hale!" I was mildly surprised that he didn't make a comment about Emmett as he summoned us. I turned from the two of them and made my way over to the bus.

"I think the two of you will be having good rounds," commented Brenner as I reached the stairs to the bus. He glanced at me and even though his black sunglasses were securely on I could tell he was giving me a knowing look. I rolled my eyes and walked up the stairs and found a set of seats.

Thirty seconds later: "_Seriously Rose_!" Brenner complained as I settled into two seats comfortably. Rosalie arrived soon after and sat down in the two seats across the aisle. I pushed my sunglasses to the top of my head and looked at her with raised eyebrows.

"Great day for golf." Well, I wouldn't be getting much out of Rosalie today.

"Yeah, great day," I agreed, keeping my eyebrows raised until she looked away, silly smile and all.

Turns out it was a great two days. We dominated in the conference, totally wiping ass the first day of the tournament and we managed to hold on and totally beat the team that was trying to take us the second day. Rosalie and I being the captains of the winning team were just ecstatic. It was an amazing day.

Emmett had walked along with Carlisle, following my group for a few holes on both days and it seemed like those two men were getting along well. I hoped it would be a bit of encouragement that Edward would be just as likable.

After we all got our medals and some people and teammates snapped some pictures, Emmett, who had disappeared off somewhere came back with two bouquets of flowers. One was lilies and roses and there other was small sun flowers with other greens and yellows. When I saw two I had to assume that one of them was for me. I was thinking about the irony that if I got the sunflower one it would be exactly the same flower Edward said I looked like in my prom dress.

"Bella! Awesome job!" Emmett boomed as he thrust the flowers to me. I beamed at him as I smelt them. I realized that Rose was getting the roses and lilies because her name was Rosalie Lillian. Clever Emmett. _Clever_.

"Thanks!"

"Don't thank me," Emmett grinned. Before I could ask what that meant he was off to deliver the roses to Rosalie. I shook my head and then noticed a small white envelope nestled in the yellow peddles. Curious I opened it quickly before Carlisle and Esme would tell me of their pride. . .again.

I smiled as I opened the note inside it. I knew that handwriting anywhere.

_Dear Bella,_

_Awesome job at sections! I knew you would kick some serious golfer girl ass. I'm proud of you. I can't wait to watch you dominate at state. Hope you like the sunflowers. Tell Emmett thanks for playing delivery boy for me. I'll see you before you know it._

_Sincerely,  
__Sergeant Masen_

* * *

_You got one foot out the door_  
_And choking on the other_  
_Always think there's something more_  
_It's just around the corner_

_Talk, talk is cheap_  
_Give me a word you can keep_

_Cause I'm halfway gone and I'm on way_  
_And I'm feeling, feelin, feelin this way_  
_Cause you're halfway in but don't take too long_  
_Cause I'm halfway gone, I'm halfway gone  
_Halfway Gone, Lifehouse

* * *

-My birthday's coming up. One more chapter until we get a whole one of Edward. Excited?  
-Secondly...thank you all for your guesses as to where Belliepooh, lives. The right answer? Wisconsin. Haha, lemme know if you have any questions about that decision(:  
-Finally...I love you guys. Honestly, you make my life so much better. I wish everyone was as lucky as I am. Oh...and you're gonna hate me for the next chapter's ending...heads up.


	13. Chapter 13

SimplyDazzling is my hero for life. Okay...not really, but she's a damn good beta!

* * *

One day.

After a grand total of 218 days since the first letter I sent, we were down to one day before I would finally be able to meet Edward. 218 days. Or about eight months. That's what it all came down to. Eight months was a long time to wait for something. Especially something you're dying for.

Edward's flight was scheduled to arrive at 3:50 tomorrow. I would be waiting for him in his terminal wearing a mid thigh white skirt and yellow plain v neck t-shirt. I had sent him an email a few days ago to tell him this. I cringed thinking back to it; a mid thigh skirt? Not my finest moment. But something had forced me to type it out, so I was rolling with it.

I felt bad for being impatient with Rosalie a couple weeks ago. Take a jittery, anxious Rosalie, multiply it by 7 seven you get somewhere along the lines of what I was feeling. Last night I got about four hours of sleep maximum. I can't even think of a metaphor to begin and describe how excited I was for 3:50.

It was like. . .nothing I had ever experienced before, which is why I couldn't possibly compare the eagerness to anything else. I just knew that the yearning I would have to feel for the next 26 hours to pass by was utterly overwhelming.

Edward didn't seem real to me. He seemed more like a forbidden fruit for lack of a better description. I could hear from him, I could hear of him, I could know so much about his life and him mine. But it didn't seem like it was something I would ever get to experience.

Our worlds were just too different. I was a high school honor roll student, captain of two sports. Edward was a Sergeant in the U.S. Military, living in Iraq without a family. Those two lives just didn't mix everyday. And the fact that they were about to was beyond mind-baffling to me.

It's been Edward, the soldier I write to. Now it's about to become Edward, in the flesh and whatever the hell he is.

I couldn't place it, but something had changed between the two of us towards the end of the eight months. Maybe we'd just gotten to know each other better; maybe we were both antsy for the summer. To me though, it just seemed like it had gotten to be. . .more.

But I was getting ahead of myself with all the time I had to think lately. A blessing and curse about summer. Today, knowing how annoying I would be to Esme, Rosalie and Emmett volunteered to babysit me.

"We could play Rock Band?" Rosalie suggested lazily, without much enthusiasm at all. I shrugged, equally as unenthusiastic.

Currently we were lounging around the living room at my house. I was occupying the entire couch while Rose and Emmett made themselves comfortable on the love seat. Rosalie was resting with her back on the arm of the seat and had her tanned legs across Emmett's lap. They weren't an item or anything, but I felt like the unwanted third wheel nonetheless.

The thing about their situation was even if they wanted to; they couldn't really be an item. Emmett was 22 and Rosalie didn't turn 18 until the beginning of November. Though their age difference wasn't that apparent when you looked at the two of them together; Rosalie could pass as college senior effortlessly.

We both looked at Emmett for a yes or no. He also shrugged.

In summary, they were doing a shitty job of entertaining me.

"How 'bout we watch a movie?" Rose tried.

"Eh, look how nice it is outside." I gestured toward the tall windows behind me that were letting the sun stream through them.

"Then lets go outside," Emmett offered.

Glancing at each other, Rosalie and I simultaneously let out, "eh."

"Glad we're getting somewhere," Emmett grinned. From the looks of him he was pretty content to just sit with Rose. It made me curious as to what those two had been up to for the past two weeks but I didn't want to ask and be rude while Emmett was in the room. Getting Rosalie alone now was like trying to meet with the Queen of England. The two of them had been joined at the hip.

"We could bake cookies," I posed.

"I feel like pie," Rosalie responded.

"That takes too much work."

"Thought I'd throw it out there."

We sat in silence for a moment. I looked around the room for inspiration. Family pictures framed on the wall. Artwork from somewhere in Italy. Coffee table littered with various common household items. Rosalie swooning. Emmett swooning. Glass shelving filled with DVD's. Plasma screen TV. . .gaming system. I sat up abruptly.

"Anyone wanna play Super Smash Bros on the Wii?" I asked. I raised my eyebrows up and down suggestively, suddenly jolted with energy.

Emmett sat up in his seat immediately. "Fuck yes! Are you kidding me? Dibs on Mario. Hands down!" I grinned, enthusiastic that someone shared the same passion as I did for Nintendo games where people beat the shit out of one another. He held his fist out to me. Before I could bump it with as much force as I could he winced. "Sorry for the F bomb Mrs. C," he hollered remorsefully. Rosalie smirked. As did I.

"Thanks Emmett, but I could really care less," Esme responded, her voice coming down from the upstairs where she was probably in her bedroom. Emmett grinned.

Rolling her eyes, Rosalie moved her legs from Emmett's lap so he could dart down to the counsel. "Prepare to go down, ladies."

"It is you, Mario, who shall go down," Rosalie commented mildly with a wicked smile. She looked at her nails, seemingly uninterested in the whole ordeal. Emmett raised a cocky eyebrow at her before turning and scooping low to get three remotes. Rosalie looked over at me and winked.

"Eat that you no good Italian motherfucker. Take that! Not so strong without your light saber, are you, bitch? Taste my umbrella you shit bag!"

Rosalie continued to yell, her eyes never leaving the screen as her fingers pressed the buttons repeatedly and she moved the controller wildly around. Rosalie had taken me out in the first eleven seconds of the game. I now sat watching with growing amusement as Emmett and Rosalie battled it out in a duel between the Princess Peach and Mario.

"That's what I thought," Rosalie said smugly as Emmett accepted defeat and Mario went flying off the screen.

The look on Emmett's face told me that he had just fallen in love with her. Well, maybe not _quite_ that, but his eyes were huge and full of reverence towards his destroyer who currently was too busy smirking at the screen to notice. It looked like he had just learned that Santa Claus was in fact real. I stifled a laugh at the two of them.

"Rematch," Emmett demanded after he gave his little head a shake. Reverence be damned, Emmett was back with a vengeance.

"Bring it, bitch," Rosalie smirked at him, confidence oozing from her tone. I rolled my eyes and turned off my controller. It turned out that it was much more entertaining watching Emmett and Rosalie try to kill each other's virtual characters than actually playing the game.

Later that afternoon, Rose and I went to our last golf practice before state which was in two days. As I was fiddling with the radio in my truck and driving along the freeway, I couldn't help but roll my eyes at Rosalie's smugness radiating off of her from beating Emmett multiple times. I was all for Nintendo domination as much as the next guy but those two had taken it to the extreme and back again. Eleven fucking times.

Though their unintentional distraction had been quite effective, unfortunately it had worn off. Now I was repeatedly stealing glances at the clock on the dash board. 23 hours.

Practice was like hell.

I could not focus on anything whatsoever. Every time I tried to perfect my stance and make sure I was doing everything right, a random thought would pop into my head. _Sheets in the guest bedroom needed to be changed. _I would take a shot and it would suck. I'd try to clear my head and get lined up with the ball again. I would be able to hit a few balls before bam! Out of nowhere, _I wonder if Edward likes muffins. I like muffins. You'd have to be crazy not to like muffins. I think I'll make muffins for breakfast._

I was actually getting very frustrated with myself. State was in two flipping days and I wanted to do really well. I was also mad that my mind was placing Edward before my responsibilities to my team. I could only think about his arrival and how much time until it. The more frustrated I got, the more my shots started to become shit. And the thoughts were _still_ popping into my head.

I felt like crying. The 8th grader was hitting better than me.

I credited the growing lump in the back of my throat to post PMS. I normally got really emotional and hormonal _after_ my period. I was just getting more and more angry with myself.

Part of the problem might have been the pressure I was putting on myself for the tournament. Edward would be walking along with my group to watch me play. And I wanted to impress him. And here I was playing like a four year old.

"Geez, Bella, is everything okay?" Brenner asked as he walked from the phenomenal 8th grader to me. There was genuine concern in his voice which just made me sigh.

_I wonder how Edward will take my moodiness in a few weeks. . ._

"Yeah, yeah, fine." I reassured him. I went back to the bright yellow ball in front of me and swung my club. Let's just say that that shot did not help my case whatsoever.

"Clearly," he scoffed. I rolled my eyes, annoyed.

"I'm working on it, alright?" I felt bad as I snapped at him. He looked at me with more concern, seeing that I was really worked up about something. I never used that tone with anyone. Except maybe Rose. . .sometimes. . .

"Sorry, just a little tense."

"What's got you all, you know, teenagery?" I looked at him with a raised eyebrow, and then just shook my head at his cautious expression.

"Time is being a little too slow for my liking," I answered, not caring to elaborate.

"I have no clue what that means! So," he clapped his hands together and nodded uncomfortably at me, "You just make sure you, umm. . .get some sleep tonight!" I opened my mouth but he just walked off to Rosalie, his hands clasped behind his back and his head not looking at me again. I rolled my eyes and went back to realizing how much I loathed the sport of golf.

After a whooping five hours of sleep last night, I woke up that morning not at all refreshed. I woke up at about nine and I wasn't ready to get out of bed and wander 'round the house for hours. So I dug under my bed one handed, groping blindly for about a minute until I found the bundle of letters.

I pulled them up to rest on my blanket covered lap. I had kept every letter that Edward had sent me since December and they were all tied up neatly with an extra pink shoelace. Grinning like an idiot, I rubbed my eyes and yawned before I untied the neon string holding the papers bound.

For the next hour and a half I read through all of Edward's letters. I grinned, I frowned, I laughed, I sighed but I read through six months worth of conversation.

I found that after that hour and a half had passed, my mind was calmer. I was tired of this feeling like I had just drank six pots of coffee. My mind was exhausted from all the directions it had been going in the past to days. And now I was just left with a feeling of calm excitement.

I should have read his letters days ago.

I got out of bed and threw on a pair of jean shorts and old shirt and threw my hair in a pony. Grabbing my laptop like I did every morning, I went down to find something to eat for breakfast.

There was an email in my inbox and before I could get too excited, I saw that it was from Esme's office. She and I hadn't really talked much about Edward's visit. Well, Carlisle hadn't really said much either. . .So I had no clue in hell what that man felt about the subject at all.

**From**: Esme Cullen  
**Subject**: You Better Be Awake  
**Date**: 20, June 2008, 10:53 AM  
**To**: Bella Swan

_Change the sheets in the guest bedroom. There are fresh ones in the linen closest next to my bedroom. Get the pillowcases too._

_And please settle down before you pee your pants on the Persian rug. And if you have calmed down, thank God._

_By the way, am I cooking tonight? Or would you like to give it a try. . .? (:_

**From**: Bella Swan  
**Subject**: RE: You Better Be Awake  
**Date**: 20, June 2008, 11:08 AM  
**To**: Esme Cullen

_I got it taken care of. Well, it will be as soon as I finish eating._

_I am settled down. . .to an extent._

_You can knock yourself out with the cooking. I think I'll have to past just tonight. See you later._

I closed the laptop and went off to do her bidding. After the sheets were changed and the bed was made to the best of my ability, I busied myself in baking. I had read something in one of Edward's first letters so I decided to pass the remainder of time in the kitchen by my two best friends: butter and sugar.

I found it surprisingly time-passing to be in the kitchen surrounded by the warm aroma of cinnamon and raw dough. I was being honest when I said that I only glanced at the clock once in two hours.

And when I did glance at the clock I was reminded that I had a 45 minute drive ahead of me to the airport and it was past 2 o'clock. Swearing loudly in the empty house, I turned off the oven and put the perishables back into the fridge. I rushed upstairs to put on what I told Edward I would be wearing.

I cringed when I looked in the mirror. Very nice, Bella. The flour hair is definitely a new trend. I pulled part of my hair into a half pony tail and left the back down. I looked at the clock sitting on the counter in the bathroom. 2:20. Damn it.

"Screw it," I mumbled. I grabbed a clutch makeup bag and flipped off the light switch before flying down the stairs and out the door to the garage.

I wasn't being a model driver. . .to put it lightly. I was driving up people's butts on the highway, challenging the speed limit just a bit, and applying makeup at the stop lights. At least I was buckled and not texting. . .that had to count for something.

I glanced at the clock. 2:57. I still had time. Granted, I was about five minutes away from getting into the actual airport.

I couldn't decide if I wanted his flight to be delayed or not. I decided not. I definitely did not want to wait any longer. _Ten more minutes_.

Finally I got into the parking lot and fortunately found a fairly decent parking spot near the building. I was glad I hadn't worn anything other than flat sandals. I managed to book it across the parking lot and through the airport lounge in record time. I'd dare any bitch to break the record I just set.

I navigated around that building like I owned it. The terminal Edward's flight was due to land in was near the door where I parted. So at 3:05 I was waiting in that area for a soldier to walk out.

Even though I had already checked twice, I glanced back at the arrival board one more time. No delays whatsoever. My heart started to pound and I found myself fidgeting.

I don't know what was running through my head right then. If anyone had asked I wouldn't be able to say. The was feeling so surreal. It didn't seem like I should have been standing there, waiting for a flight from Iraq. Tell me I'd be doing this seven months ago and I would have laughed in your face and called you a dumbass. Maybe not in those words. . .but something along those lines definitely.

I tapped my foot against the carpet in a hurried motion that matched the beat of my heart. I wasn't sure anxious was the word anymore. I was fervent. And that was not a word I used lightly.

The large windows serving as walls let me see that a plane had landed in the space where Edward's was supposed to be. I smiled to myself. The fluttering butterflies in my stomach were flying all about in a spastic flight. I hated that cliché but it was really the best comparison for what I was feeling at the moment.

People started to walk through the door where the flight attendant stood. I stood up on my toes so I could see around another man. I looked anxiously at the people exiting the makeshift hallway from the plane. Family of six. . .two men in business suits. . .elderly and young women. . .family of four. . .a young couple, probably back from a honeymoon by the looks of their tan. . .

A soldier.

My heart skipped a beat. I noticed because it was pounding so sturdily against my chest. The man had light brown hair that had a bit of a rusty tint to it. He didn't have a flat out buzz cut – he had short, closely shaven hair on both sides of his head, but the top of his head still had a short layer.

The soldier was tan, obviously from the hot desert sun. And he was tall. Not as tall as Emmett, or as muscular. But he had a certain build that I could see through his uniform that was definitely not short of appealing.

The man was looking around, searching for someone. I didn't move. I was frozen to the gross carpet, my tapping foot stopped midway up. The soldier looked at the small group of people I was standing by and then looked at me, in my yellow shirt and white skirt.

Then he looked me in the eyes, a grin, subtle but crooked growing on his face. I began to grin too when I saw the color of his eyes from all the way across the room. That soldier had a pair of green, stunning eyes.

_Edward_.

* * *

_Too far down_  
_The road you know i'm scared to go down_  
_I'm waking up anxious to lay back down_  
_'Cause all i can do here is wait_  
_Just wait, i'll hurry up and wait_

_Well i can't read her expression_  
_'Cause man this vixen she's sly_  
_As she keeps me suspended_  
_I've lost all control of this flight_  
_Hiiii yeaaahhh yeaaahhh_  
_We've ravaged our chances to shine_  
_Would you take what i'm giving to you or did i take this_  
_Do we take this _  
Hurry Up and Wait, Making April

* * *

-Umm...soo...I did warn you...? Don't kill me?  
-Okay. If you're dying for more, there is an alternative. My website? _Anyone _remember it? Well recently, I decided to try and get back into it. There's a blog where I ask a character a week some questions that give some stuff away. I'll be posting a tiny little bit of Chapter 14 on there as well. If you have any questions you want to ask a character, leave me a review. Link's on my profile, you know the drill.(:  
-Lemme know how much you hate me(:


	14. Chapter 14

Wow.

I'm thinking that sexy ass was a tiny bit of an understatement.

Edward was standing about 30 feet from me. In that moment, the second that our eyes locked to each others, Edward became a real person. He was more than just a name on an envelope or mentioned by Emmett. He was a real, living human being who was actually going to spend the next four weeks with me.

I snapped out of the little trance I was in and made sure that I wasn't gaping across the room. The crooked grin on Edward's face grew wider as he adjusted the duffel bag strap on his shoulder. Surprisingly, I was somehow able to move my feet towards him. Hmm, I guess those authors exaggerate when the heroine lays eyes on the hero and is frozen in place, unable to go to him because of her awe. That's bullshit. Why would anyone not want to get to the hero as fast as they could?

Edward started walking towards me as well. I looked him over as we approached each other. He had some very nicely defined cheekbones that accented his penny colored hair. Just like I had observed, he wasn't as big as Emmett, but Emmett's muscles would just look disproportionate on him, he had nice muscles that suited his build and height. God; those were some eyes.

Edward was hot.

I mean, like, _really_ attractive. We're talking Brad Pitt attractive here. And I never gave a guy that rating. Normally me and Rose just agreed on Chase Crawford.

Setting my attraction aside – for the moment, that is – Edward and I reached common ground in the middle. I knew what he sounded like from the phone call. But his voice still made me startle a little.

"Hi," I smiled. Good ice breaker, Bella.

"Hey," he grinned back. He was about eight inches taller than me and looked like he wanted to smirk about it. Than again, he could have been wanting to smirk at my excited flush too. . .

I was pretty damn positive I was talking to the right soldier. How did I know this? He was wearing his uniform with the letters MASEN stitched over his chest on the right side. But hey. I didn't want to assume or anything.

"You're Bella Swan? Right?"

"In the flesh," I made a ta-da gesture which made him chuckle. There was a pause of silence. The awkwardness was threatened to burst out any second and I was scrambling to find something to say. Fortunately for me, I didn't have to think for long. Edward handled it with comfortable ease.

"I'm glad to finally meet you," he smiled genuinely. Before I could respond, he brought his arms around my body and pulled me close in a warm and secure hug. My eyes fluttered shut for the briefest of seconds, as his arms engulfed me. I felt. . . safe. I placed my arms around his back and hugged him, so glad he was finally here.

We broke apart and I smiled brightly at him, ignoring the weird disappointment that had come when his arms moved away from me. He smiled as well, showing his set of flawless white teeth. Of course he had amazing teeth. . .you don't look _that _great and have a set of crooked yellow teeth. The world just doesn't work that way.

"You have no idea. How was your flight?" I asked him as we shuffled over a few feet to avoid being right in the middle of other people's paths.

"Boring and long. But worth it," he grinned at me. His grin made me catch my breath, and I blushed which made him laugh some more. I had heard his laugh, but that had been his phone laugh. His real laugh. . .it was incredible. I couldn't find words to describe how just. . .happy hearing it made me.

"Should we get your bags?" I asked, blinking out of my trance and dodging the compliment. I shied away from his glance and smiled down at the floor. I was utterly flattered though.

"Sounds like a plan," he agreed. I knew my way pretty well around this airport so he gave me a lead the way sign with his eyes. I started to walk to the direction where I knew the bags would be with him one step behind me. Then he put his arm that wasn't carrying his duffel bag around my shoulder and tucked me nicely under his arm, making me forget about any of that disappointment. I tried not to lean to far into his frame, not wanting to be too forward. With me smiling like a four year old, we went to get his bags.

It took a few minutes to find his other duffel bag before we were finally getting out of the airport. During that time I was fighting the awkward silence like the Yankees fought the Brits. I refused to let it be awkward between us. We weren't strangers so it shouldn't have been a problem. But yet, it still was.

The weird thing about the silence was that I was the only one who seemed to be effected by it. Edward looked completely content walking through the airport, a lazy, and if I was being honest with myself, sexy smile on his face. He had this strange calming vibe about him, and I couldn't have been more appreciative.

While we were walking outside in the parking lot, Edward started talking about some crazy flight attendant. I couldn't contribute much to the conversation so I just gave him my attention. I gave his jaw line attention. . .I gave his cheek bones attention, and I gave his amazing eyes attention. . .long story short, he talked while I swooned.

I wanted to slap myself. I normally was not that shallow. But in all honesty, I was just in shock. And it frightened me because I didn't think it was going to wear off anytime soon.

I shook out of it when we started to walk past the spot where my truck was parked. Edward didn't notice anything; he kept walking so I had to stop him. I stretched my arm out and placed it on his abdomen to make him stop walking. He stopped as I startled. He had a rock hard chest. Either that or he was wearing a bullet proof vest. Blinking, I quickly moved my hand off his body and gestured my head in the direction of the truck.

"Shit," he said in appreciation as he took in the black beast. I smirked as he looked at the bumper sticker on the back rim. _This isn't my boyfriend's truck._ That had been a little Christmas present from Esme last year. Needless to say, that had been the best gift ever.

"You never told me you drove _this_."

"Well, it never really came up in a casual conversation. And I'm enjoying your face quite a lot," I grinned as I jingled my keys. His green eyes blinked a few times at that comment. When they opened, his face lost some of its surprise and became more amused. A lazy smirk appeared on his face.

"I like it. It suits you." I rolled my eyes and grabbed one of his bags. He released it and we both tossed them into the bed of the truck. I knew what was coming but it still made me laugh when he said it after sliding into the passenger seat.

"Can I drive?" Ah men and there sparkly eyes for toys.

"Driving in a new state which you've never been to, _after_ traveling 8000 miles and suffering from some serious jetlag doesn't seem like a stellar plan to me," I answered sarcastically.

"You'd be surprised at how adaptable I am," Edward grinned with some self pride. I smirked while checking my back mirror and pulling out.

"Uh huh," I nodded in mock agreement, slightly amused by the childish pride of his statement.

Edward was not fazed by my declination. He just grinned. Either he was always this happy-go-lucky with the world or he was in a pretty damn good mood like I was.

"So how do you like all the grass for a change?" I asked, trying to strike up a conversation in which not much feelings would be required. We spent the next forty minutes talking about grass and other vegetation.

Now that's what I call a connection.

While Edward stared out his window at the large lake we were driving next to I shifted in my seat as I wondered how Carlisle and Esme would react to him. Esme would love him. Edward had a good heart, he was a kind man, and those were two biggies in her book. And I had a feeling Carlisle would take to him, but I didn't want to get my hopes too high. Carlisle was a very black and white person, so I hoped that for all of our sake he would like Edward.

Once we were past the lake, Edward turned his attention and head back to me. I had to keep my eyes on the road but I could feel his eyes staring at me. I blushed; not because it was awkward, but because I liked the way he was looking at me. I was too shy to meet his eyes so I watched the black tar ahead of me.

I knew it went against everything in my ever sarcastic and loquacious character to be shy, but whenever I met someone, it took me awhile to warm up to them. Edward was different, however. I already knew him, but I was still a little uncertain of what he thought about me.

"And this is where we live," I pointed out as we arrived at the southern end of town. I directed him to some of the local attractions in the town but figured I could give him a better tour later. Right now I just wanted to get home and see Carlisle and Esme's reaction to him.

Then we pulled into my neighborhood and I drove a little bit faster to get to our lot. I watched Edward's reaction as I pulled into the driveway next to the Escalade. We had a fairly large house. It was built with bricks and had many different triangular points to the roof along with windows. Esme's gardening added tons of character to it and complimented the tall trees surrounding the backyard.

I grinned as his eyes widened slightly, taking in the home. It was a much milder reaction than the one I had when Carlisle first pulled into the house a few years ago. I was freaking out at the size and beauty of it. I still haven't gotten fully used to pulling in the driveway everyday.

"Nice," Edward said simply. I shrugged and glanced at his face for any indications of other feelings. Sometimes when I brought people over from school they would compliment it but I would be able to see jealously and bitter in their faces. I was relieved that Edward looked just curious.

I pulled the key out of the ignition and hopped out of the car. I was annoyed that Edward could just leisurely get in and out of it without any difficulty. My height really irritated me at times. It would be a lie to say that I wished I was taller than some men, but a few more inches would have been nice.

"Where are the pigs? I thought I was promised fresh bacon," he smirked as he grabbed both of his bags with ease. I rolled my eyes and led him to the front door.

"Good luck with Carlisle," I whispered hurriedly under my breath as I pulled the handle of the door open. I was able to get a quick glance at Edward's eyes widen before narrowing them accusingly at me. I chuckled silently as he walked in the door after me. Carlisle and Esme were standing off to the side, near the living room. Which meant Edward couldn't say anything back to me. I was throwing him to the wolves, but I didn't feel that bad. More on the amused side, actually. This was a man who was trained for combat; he could handle meeting the Cullen's.

"Edward this is Carlisle, and this is Esme," I introduced them. Then I stood back and watched.

Carlisle was sizing Edward up, his face calm but his eyes guarded and suspicious. Edward was trying to control his facial expression as he watched Carlisle look at him. His eyes were much better hidden then Carlisle's and the two men were wondering what to make of each other silently. Esme was grinning happily.

"Dr. and Mrs. Cullen, it's a pleasure to meet you both," Edward said smoothly. I silently approved, good use of the abbreviation Dr. instead of Mr. I taught him well.

"Edward, call us Esme and Carlisle." Carlisle looked like he preferred Dr. Cullen, and not first name bases, but didn't say anything in response to his wife's statement. "It's so good to meet you," Esme continued graciously as she danced toward us and hugged him. Edward was momentarily taken back but recovered and hugged her politely back with a smile.

"Thank you Esme. I'm glad to meet you as well," Esme was. . .well Esme was appreciative. She was surprised by his voice. And. . ._him_. Again, I rolled my eyes. Yeah Esme, join the flipping club.

"I hope you make yourself feel at home," she smiled once more before going back to stand next to her stone silent husband. Edward looked at me in a moment of uncertainty so he missed the little stomp Carlisle got on his toes from his loving, hostess wife.

I heard Carlisle's grunt and shared a smirk with Esme as Edward turned in confusion. Carlisle grudgingly stepped forward to shake Edward's hand.

"Nice to meet you as well, Dr. Cullen." That a boy.

"How was your flight, Edward?" Carlisle inquired politely. Esme stepped over by me to get a better view of the awaited meeting.

"It was good Sir, thank you," Edward responded as they dropped hands. I noticed both men flex their fingers out as their limbs returned to their sides. No wonder they had been shaking for so long. Carlisle nodded and didn't say anything for about a minute. I stifled a laugh at the comically awkward silence.

"Alright then. Bella, how about you give him a tour of the house?" I straightened as they both looked at me. Carlisle, again looked calm and slightly satisfied. Edward appeared just as casual but his eyes were pleading and slightly freaked out. Fighting a grin, I nodded.

"Yeah, of course. Let's go upstairs," I agreed. I held my hand out for one of Edward's bags but he just shook his head so I turned and headed up the stairs with him on my tail.

"You suck," Edward said accusingly as we got to the top of the stairs and saw that Carlisle and Esme had gone back to the kitchen.

"On the other hand, _I_ thought it was funny," I smirked at his glare. I knew he wasn't really upset, just a little irritated with the lack of warning he got.

"Oh really?" he asked with fake surprise. "Fantastic. I'm glad I amused you."

"You'll live. Come on tough guy, let's go."

I gave Edward the grand tour of the house. It ended up taking about an hour because I was being very detail orientated. Edward was a good listener and made a few comments here and there but otherwise took it in silently.

We ended the tour in the guest bedroom he got. It was a smaller bedroom but Esme had worked her magic. It was painted sandy colored with dark mahogany wooding such as the dresser, bed stand and the head board. The comforter on the bed was several shades of green that matched a painting above the bed and rug on the wooden floor. I actually really liked the bedroom, and it had a nice view of the backyard and woods behind it.

"Well, dinner should be ready in a few minutes. Esme wanted to eat out on the patio. You can unpack or freshen up. The connecting bathroom is all yours, no one else uses it so do whatever you want. Am I missing anything?" I watched him as he examined the room. I chewed on the inside of my cheek before he smiled at me, his grateful eyes taking me by surprise.

"Thank you, Bella, for everything," he said quietly with sincerity that gave me the best feeling in the world. I flashed him a small smile before nodding and turning to make my exit.

After I was out of his room and down the hall to mine, I went into the bathroom. I leaned against the door as I shut it.

_Whew._

I was in for one hell of a month.

Once I was freshened up, I went in search for Carlisle. I had a bit of bone to pick with him. I found him grilling the steaks with the outdoor barbecue, oblivious to my entry. Esme had already set the glass table so I went straight over to my adoptive father.

"Would it be that hard to try and play nice?" I asked him flatly as I perched on the short brick wall surrounding the outdoor area. He looked up from the meat and grinned at me. I raised a not-amused eyebrow at him.

"On the contrary, that _was_ me being nice." I narrowed my eyes as he turned his focus back to the dead cattle. Instead of retorting, I just watched him silently until he turned back and sighed. Then he smirked.

"I'm kidding, he's fine. I'll be nice." I continued to stare, blinking only when necessary. He conceded, "Okay, I wasn't serious a second ago but I am now. I promise to not give him _that_ hard of a time. Deal?" I smiled, finally satisfied. I knew that was about as good as it would get.

"Deal," I agreed. I stood up from the uncomfortable brick as Esme exited the sliding glass door.

"Aw, you two made peace." Carlisle gave me a knowing look and rolled his eyes. I giggled quietly.

Carlisle was just putting the steaks onto a serving platter when Edward came out the door. He had changed out of his uniform and into a black long sleeved dress shirt, the last few buttons undone and a pair of denim jeans. He appeared more bright eyed and bushy tailed.

"I hope you like steak, Edward," Esme said warmly as Carlisle pulled out a chair for her to sit down in. I sat down next to her in the square table and Carlisle moved across from me.

"It smells great," Edward complimented, rubbing his hands together in anticipation. He sat down next to me and I gave him a reassuring smile, though he didn't seem to need it.

"So, Edward, do you fish?" Carlisle asked after we were all getting into our meal. I looked at Edward, my fork in mid air towards my mouth. He glanced at me, confident and so I continued eating.

"I'm pretty handy with a rod, I guess." Thank God he thought about it and didn't say poll in place of rod. Lord knows I would have.

Those two launched into a conversation about fishing. Esme and I watched on in growing complacency as Carlisle warmed up to Edward. They really started to bond over the talk of smiley aquatic animals. . .even though it was evident that Edward really didn't know much about fishing at all and was completely winging it. The conversation ended a half hour later when Carlisle, astounded that Edward didn't know how to clean fish, promised to give him a lesson or two on it.

"Unfortunately, I have to leave and make sure a rehearsal dinner goes smoothly." Esme sighed as she stood up from her chair. Carlisle stood as well and decided to leave and get some nursing schedules made. _Thanks for leaving the dishes to me guys_.

It was about seven o' clock when they both went inside. It was just me and Edward now. He sat back in his chair and looked around the yard before his glance settled on me. I smiled a little bit and in turn his lips turned up a bit as well.

"Is this weird?" He asked gesturing his hand in between us.

"Kinda," I admitted, shrugging. And it was weird. Eight months is a long time. I'd been thinking about this man for 32 weeks. But I hadn't been thinking about his looks or appearance. I'd been thinking about his thoughts, and what he had to say about things. And now it was new to me to try and place the man in front of me with the nameless man who wrote me letters.

"But not a bad kinda?"

"No," I smiled softly and shook my head, "not a bad kinda."

We sat there silently for a moment. The sun was setting and twilight was upon us. The golden sun was shining through some of the trees and illuminating the back yard. These were the moments I lived for.

"What are you thinking right now?" Edward asked curiously, his voice still soft.

"I'm just trying to put two and two together. I'm trying to associate you with the man in the letters; the faceless Edward. You're not really what I expected," I explained, or tried to, at least.

Edward nodded and looked to the west again. Then he looked back at me and smiled. Though he looked confident, his tone was unsure. "Are you disappointed?"

I couldn't help but raise an incredulous eyebrow. "I wouldn't have been disappointed if you had 12 toes, a third eye, and a creepy mustache. Looks aren't a big deal. I'm glad to finally meet the guy who wrote me all those thoughtful, amazing letters. Whatever the hell his appearance is."

Edward relaxed and he unclasped his hands that were locked together in his lap. I watched his reaction after I finished my little speech and noticed the relief as his shoulders sagged out of their tense lock.

"Creepy mustache?" he asked with a crooked smile. I laughed.

"Okay, that might have brought on a tiny bit of disappointment." After that little conversation was over we brought all the dirty dishes inside and placed them in the sink. When the table was cleared I told Edward to head back outside and handed him a can of _Coca Cola_ on his way.

I fixed my little surprise up and found the lighter for the finishing touch. Then, I walked outside with the dessert securely in my arms. It was dark outside now but the patio lights had kicked in so I could see.

"Happy birthday, Edward."

Edward spun in his chair. His face was as surprised as a deer caught in headlights. I had been right about my assumption earlier that he didn't want to be fussed over for his birthday. I was kind of sad that he was that surprised I would do something for him, or even remember.

I smiled softly and walked towards him with the snicker doodle cake I had made this morning. There were two candles lit and I spelled out _Happy Birthday Edward_ in butter cream frosting. The cake was two layers of snicker doodle cookie with a layer of butter cream frosting in the middle.

I placed it front of where he was sitting on the table and started to sing softly. "Happy birthday to you. . ."

The look on Edward's face when I was finished singing would be something I would remember forever. I had never seen someone so grateful for anything I've baked in my life. His greens eyes were still in shock but they were also dancing with just an innocent happiness. He blew out the two candles carefully and stared at the cake, before looking up at me with a boyish grin.

"I can't believe you made this for me," he whispered in awe. I just smiled, in awe myself.

"I can't believe you didn't make a single comment that it was your birthday."

"I didn't think it mattered," he replied quietly. It did matter. I don't know why the two of us suddenly were shy with each other. In our letters we were both very open with each other and friends. Now, it was like all that was gone and suddenly we didn't know what to make of each other.

"It matters, Edward. Trust me, it matters."

Edward sighed. "I didn't know. I didn't want you to feel you had to do anything special just because I am staying here."

I leaned in and swung my arms around his neck loosely, close enough to smell his fresh inviting scent. He was still facing the cake, just like I was. So I gave him a backward hug. I was close to his face, so close that my cheek was tickled by his hair.

"You're not just staying here. You're home now, Edward." I whispered.

* * *

_I don't know you but I want you_  
_All the more for that_  
_Words fall through me and always fool me_  
_And I can't react_

_You have suffered enough and what with yourself_  
_It's time that you won _

_Take this sinking boat and point it home_  
_We've still got time, raise your hopeful voice_  
_You had the choice, you've made it now_

_Falling slowly, eyes that know me_  
_And I can't go back_  
Falling Slowly, The Frames

* * *

-I got up early to post this for you...on my birthday? _Damn _I must love you all.  
-Okay so Edward's here...about time! I'm going to warn you now, the next three chapters are going to be total, serious, complete fluff. Whose excited?  
-Check the blog for an interview with Esme and the chapter song! Oh and some pics too.  
-How'd I do? This chapter was weird to write for me, and actually took awhile. Hope you like it! (:


	15. Chapter 15

Thanks to my beta SimplyDazzling. Who should have had the chapter ready yesterday. Just saying.

* * *

"We have three minutes until the bus leaves and all your hopes and dreams of placing in state go down the toilet!" Carlisle called with pestering urgency from the bottom of the stairs.

Edward had just got here yesterday and now I had to go and play in the state golf tournament. I felt bad because for the next two days I wouldn't get to spend much time with him at all. Each day I would be out on the course for about eight hours in total and the rest of the time with my team.

Last night had been. . .great. Honestly, it was just a peaceful and happy night that I would never forget. In just a few hours from the time I had picked Edward up at the airport to when we went to bed, most of the awkwardness had completely evaporated. Edward and I ate the cake I made him and just talked for what seemed like hours. I couldn't wipe the stupid smile off of my face the entire time I had got ready for bed, and I had fallen asleep with sore cheeks.

"They can't leave without me!" I hollered back in exasperation. I was packing my toiletry bag and then I would be ready. And by packing I meant throwing a bunch of random shit into a small bag and hoping I didn't leave out the tampons.

"Two minutes!" was all Carlisle yelled. I sighed and shoved the bag into my larger overnight bag before throwing it over my shoulder and jogging down the stairs.

"We were supposed to be there fifteen minutes ago!" Esme sung as she adjusted her Callaway hat in the mirror. Carlisle and Esme both had an excellent fashion sense. Esme always looked like a pro when she went to watch my meets.

"I'm ready! Let's roll! Where's Edward?"

We would be staying at a hotel tonight because the starting time tomorrow was too early to go home and drive back. Esme and Carlisle took two days off of work so they had reservations along with Edward who would be coming with to watch me play. I was so glad that Emmett was going to watch Rosalie and the two would be sharing a room. I would feel really bad if I dragged Edward all the way from Iraq just to dismiss him for a dumb sport.

"Already outside," Carlisle said pointedly, narrowing his eyes. I dismissed him with a hand wave and hurried out the door with Esme.

Edward was leaning against the Escalade casually waiting for the rest of us. He was dressed properly for the occasion, fitting in perfectly. He looked like a golf pro himself wearing a black polo golf shirt and khaki pants. Instead of a hat like Esme was wearing, Edward had decided on some silver aviators. And they looked incredibly sexy.

. . .The shallow thoughts hadn't quite left yet my mind yet. . .

"What took you so long?" Edward asked, pushing himself off of the car. I was going around to place my bag in the trunk. Edward gently snatched it and opened the hatch, setting it in himself. I smiled in thanks before we split in opposite directions to get in the car.

Luckily the school where the coach bus was waiting was only a half a mile away from our house. Edward and I didn't have much of a chance to say anything to each other with that period. I was too excited and nervous for state to be freaked out at what was going to happen. Edward was going to meet Rosalie, Brenner, and Rosalie's mother. I was most worried about Rose's mom. She was quite a character.

I hadn't given him much warning about the three of them. Last night we had stayed up just long enough to eat some of his birthday cake before both of us crashed. And this morning we both overslept and I was too busy trying to get everything for golf set away that we didn't get a chance to exchange anything other than good mornings.

Carlisle pulled into a parking spot across from the bus shoot and turned off the car. Brenner was standing on the sidewalk talking to Camille, Rose's mom. Rosalie was over with Emmett a few yards away.

"Anything you'd like to tell me about those three?" Edward whispered to me, still irritated from last night. I laughed quietly.

"Nothing I say will prepare you for them," I answered with a warning glance while unbuckling my seatbelt. He followed suit but only after he narrowed his eyes at me.

"Here, Bella, grab your clubs," Carlisle requested as I stepped out of the vehicle. I grabbed the bag and started walking across the street.

"I got it," Edward muttered as he appeared at my side. I shrugged as he slung the bag strap on his shoulder effortlessly. I was in shape; I could carry the 50 pound bag for five hours, but I could not lift it that effortlessly.

I was in a very good mood this morning. Last night I had fallen asleep with a grin on my face, and woke up this morning feeling like P Diddy. Edward was here, the wait was finally over and he was everything I could have hoped for. And now I got to go kick some ass in a sport I loved and possibly show off for Edward. And it was sunny this morning. Sunshine just made me happier in general.

"A little late don't you think, Swan?" Brenner chided mockingly as we made it across the street. I stuck my tongue out but he didn't seem to notice. He was doing the same thing Carlisle had to Edward yesterday; sizing him up. I wanted to remind everyone that he was in the army and pretty strong, but hey, what did I know?

"Brenner, this is Sergeant Edward Masen. Edward, this is my coach, Shannon Brenner," I introduced the two. Then I looked around and wondered where Camille had drifted off to. I located her with Carlisle and Esme and was momentarily relieved that he didn't have to meet her yet.

"Sergeant," Brenner acknowledged with a nod. Edward held his hand out and the two of them shook. "I trust you're enjoying your leave?"

The guys dropped hands and Edward looked at me with a smile. "Yes Sir, I am." I smiled back at him before lowering my eyes and glancing cautiously at Brenner. He didn't seem to notice our silent exchange; he just looked really damn smug that Edward had addressed him as "sir."

"Well, Bella, you seem like you're in a much better mood then Tuesday's practice," Brenner commented, raising an eyebrow that had its own unspoken question. I chose to ignore it.

"Yeah, just a bit."

"Good, maybe you'll have a decent round," Brenner winked at me before nodding at Edward and walking to talk to the Santa Claus looking bus driver. His words from the conversation we had a few weeks ago were ringing in my head. I forgot about his little theory that I reflected Edward's feelings when I played golf.

"See, that wasn't so hard," I cooed to Edward. He chuckled and the smirked.

"What is with all the men in your life squeezing my hand until the blood flow stops?" Edward asked with genuine confusion as he flexed his hand and rolled his fingers. I grinned and was about to respond when Emmett had other plans.

"Masen, my man!" Emmett boomed with his arms open wide as he walked towards us. Edward gave a crooked grin and returned Emmett's man hug with just as much enthusiasm.

"I see you've met little Bella here," Emmett grinned, pulling me under his arm. I rolled my eyes and ducked out of his loose lock.

"Yeah, thanks for introducing us," Edward responded sarcastically as he put his aviators on the top of his head.

Rosalie and danced silently over to where we were standing and was taking a good look at Edward. Edward and Emmett started talking about the flights they took while I watched Rose's face. After she thoroughly examined Edward's features and assets she looked at me with wide eyes.

"_Damn_," she mouthed, impressed.

"I know," I mouthed back conspiratorially, still as equally impressed.

"Hi, I'm Rosalie," Rose interrupted their conversation and stuck her hand out to Edward. He smiled and shook it. "You must be the Edward I've heard so much about." I sighed. _No Rose, this was a different Edward._

"Pleasure to meet you, Rosalie. I've heard a lot about you too," Edward's voice became even more honeyed. I watched his eyes dazzle and charm.

Rosalie blinked rapidly before smiling back at him hugely. Emmett crossed his eyes in mock disgust and looked at me brightly after I silently laughed. "All good I–"

"Hello darlings, Bella! My my my, who is this young man?" Camille barged in our little circle and gave me a hug with kisses on both cheeks. I laughed and made a face at Edward who was raising his eyebrows back at me.

Camille was a tall, thin, curvy woman. She had her daughter's shiny blond hair and brown eyes. Today she was dressed in her golfing attire. Camille didn't golf, she just liked to be stylish. She was wearing a short, black, golf skirt and a tight, light blue woman's polo with giant, Pairs Hilton sunglasses.

"I'm Camille, or Cam, whichever you prefer," she spun and introduced herself to Edward with a mock purr. Camille had a great energy to her, everywhere she went, people just took to her because of the way she walked, talked, and sang.

"Edward," he introduced himself after uncomfortably clearing his throat. Emmett and Rosalie were standing back, giving them room. Rosalie looked bored, seeing her mom do this every time she met someone. Emmett, on the other hand, looked amused and smug that he wasn't the one getting the attention at the moment.

"Have you met Emmett, Bella?" Cam spun back to me with an enthusiastic face. Edward looked momentarily relieved. I stifled a laugh.

"Yes I–"

"Isn't he fun? We love having him at our house! I feel so safe with him under the roof! Don't you, Rosie?" That was another thing. Camille wasn't one to stay on a topic for that long.

"Huh?" Rose looked up from own golf skirt that she was fixing, still bored with the conversation. "Yeah, sure I guess."

"Personally I think he's a bit of a hunk," Cam stage whispered to me. I pressed my lips together to stop the smirk. Her mother now had her attention. Rose's head whipped up, alarmed and embarrassed.

"_Mom_!"

"Oh, that was rude. Bella, you got a cutie pie too." I closed my eyes in mortification as I felt blush spread all over my cheeks. Cam also knew no bounds when she was on a roll talking. And I always forgot how quickly one could go from amusement to complete embarrassment.

"Mom!" Rosalie repeated, just as mortified as me.

"Dear, am I embarrassing you? I'm terribly sorry. I was just admiring what God gave you and Bella." Cam turned from her daughter over to Edward whose shoulders were rocking from his silent laughter. She paused before smiling at him, "so Edward, how do you feel about cougars?" Edward's eyes bulged out and suddenly his face that was red from laughing so hard paled to the shade of a polar bear. He stared at her, blinking twice before turning to me, his expression now frightened.

"Holy shit. Mom!"

"Rosalie Hale! Language," Camille scolded her daughter with actual seriousness.

Rosalie huffed, ignoring that comment and starting to lecture her free spirited mother. "Mom. You can't just go around hitting on every young man you meet! It's weird! And really creepy!"

"I was not hitting on him. _If _I was hitting on him I would say something more alone the lines of–" I would never know what Cam was about to say. That would probably be my biggest regret in life. She was interrupted by an oblivious Brenner.

"Everyone on the bus!"

"I fucking love you, Brenner!" Rosalie yelled to him in desperate appreciation and relief.

"Sorry Rose. . .my heart belongs to another." Brenner held out his left hand and pointed to his wedding band before disappearing back in the bus. Rosalie's face was so red, I almost felt bad. Camille departed and went back to Carlisle and Esme without another word. Emmett smirked sympathetically and put his arm around her shoulder and walked her to the bus with a very amused – yet still slightly frightened – smile as Edward trailed behind with me.

"Any more crazy people you want me to meet?" Edward asked seriously after my clubs were loaded and we were all on the bus.

"No, I think we got them all for now," I reassured him.

"For now? Awesome." I laughed as he went to sit with Emmett behind where Rosalie and I were sitting. All the parents/boyfriends were riding on the bus with us since it was a huge ass coach bus and there were a total of seven actual golfers.

Rosalie and I couldn't really say much with Emmett and Edward right behind us. So instead we just communicated with overly expressive faces and a lot of word mouthing. It was a good talk.

We arrived at the golf course a little later than a tense Brenner would have liked and everything after that was a blur. Edward told me not to worry about him and that he could take care of himself so I had no clue where he was for a good hour. Instead, I focused on practicing with the girls, trying to put my mind back in athletics. This was a big deal and if I did well, it would help me narrow down some choices of colleges. If any were interested in the first place, that was.

Brenner gave each of us our starting hole numbers and a small talking to before they dismissed us all to the holes. My little inspirational talk consisted of "You know that Shakespeare quote? The one about greatness? I can't remember it now, but let's pretend I did. Go get your medal, Swan."

I was nervous that I wasn't going to have good shots and that I would have an awful group of girls. I was nervous that a bunch of girls from other conferences would be better than me and the course we were playing was kind of freaking me out.

But that just flew right out the window on the first tee box.

I was the last one in my group to go, and I was playing with some of the best. They were all the number ones for their team but I wasn't that intimidated, I had played with two of them before and, to be frank, I was better than them. But that wasn't what relaxed me.

I hit my driver, clobbered really, over 250 yards, straight as an arrow, landing right in the middle of the fairway. I grinned triumphantly and turned back to the girls and crowd. Before I could take two steps towards my bag to put the club back, I jumped in surprise.

"Wooh!" Edward cheered loudly with his hands raised above his head. Edward and my adoptive parents were each clapping rapidly. Even some of the other parents of the girls were clapping for me.

I grinned at Edward and blushed at the attention. There was not a doubt in my mind that inviting Edward here for his leave was a bad choice. I was so glad that he was here, especially today because the support I was already receiving from him was something that I loved.

"It's going to be a good day," I muttered to myself as I slung my bag on my shoulders.

Damn.

I would never question Brenner ever again – though there was no way he would know that. I don't even know if he was right about his insane theory concerning Edward. I just knew that I shot my best of the entire season on the first day of state and on the second day I shot my best round ever.

Every good shot that I had during both rounds, Edward was there to cheer me on. Every bad shot I had, he was there to give me a silent, encouraging nod from where he stood with Carlisle and Esme. It was just awesome having someone so completely supportive. Edward was the sweetest guy I had ever met.

On the last hole of the second day, a nice, short par three, Brenner walked over to where I was watching the last girl tee off. I had already hit and landed on the green. I knew that I had an extremely good chance at placing, or even winning the tournament, but I didn't know what the other girls has shot.

Coaches were the only ones who were allowed to talk to us during our rounds. So even if Carlisle or Esme knew the scores they couldn't tell me without getting in trouble. But Brenner came and told me we were the last group to finish due to slow play and that the best in the conference had already beat me. By about two. But there was a girl after her who was two strokes ahead of my current score. That meant I had to make a fifteen foot putt to place second.

Well that sucked. But in the end, as all the crowd circled the green and watched us putt, I somehow got the ball in the hole. I stared at it for about eight seconds before I broke out into a gigantic beam and fist pumped. I turned and smiled hugely at the Bella Swan crowd.

"Thata girl!" Edward beamed back at me. I don't know why, I don't know if he knew why, but in that moment we were drawn to each other. I ran over to him and threw my arms around him, still holding a putter around his neck. He picked me up around my back and spun me around. After a few seconds of laughing and spinning he set me gently back onto my feet. We stared at each other for a millisecond, our arms still locked around each other. Nothing did happen. But something could have.

The smile on his face dissolved a fraction and he released me like I was on fire. I blinked. Then I dropped my arms from his neck just as quickly. I cleared my throat and straightened my shirt out. Edward cleared his throat as well, looking at me with amusement at both of our reactions. "Good job," he nodded. I grinned and nodded back. Carlisle and Esme hounded me about three seconds later.

"Second place isn't half bad, kiddo," Carlisle grinned with pride. I smiled and hugged him tightly. He hugged me back, and I could feel how proud he was it; it was radiating off of him.

"Told you," was all Brenner said as I hugged him too. I rolled my eyes and pushed lightly back from him.

It would have been an awesome day, regardless if Edward had been there or not. But he just made it all the better. He was definitely the loudest – though Emmett was closely behind – when they announced my name as second place. I went on stage to get a large second place trophy. I wasn't upset about missing first by two strokes. The girl who did win was a senior and hadn't won before, and she was really good and deserved it.

After everything was winding down, the golf course was starting to clear our, and Esme had taken every picture she could, we were ready to get back on the bus. I was adjusting all the bouquets of flowers I had in my hand when Carlisle and Esme appeared next to me.

"Now that I didn't suck, can we please go up to the cabin?" I asked with a pleading pout. It was never a sure thing if we could go up for the weekend or not because of what Carlisle and Esme did, but I always wanted to.

"Yeah, sure, we can still go today if you want," Carlisle shrugged. I broke into a huge grin and thanked them. Edward, who was on my other side, gave me an inquiring eyebrow, but I just smiled at him mischievously.

Edward, who had now willingly become my golf bag mule, went to put my clubs in the storage compartment of the bus. I boarded without him and found my seat next to Rose. I sat down, well more like fell into the seat, and placed the bundle of plastic wrapped flowers on the floor gently.

"I'm still speechless," Rosalie commented mildly as she looked out the window to the sidewalk where Edward was standing, politely talking to Mr. Santa Claus bus driver.

I let my head fall against the seat before turning to look at her. I made a face. "Tell me about it."

Emmett and Edward got on the bus and took the seats they had yesterday behind us. Edward was just as proud of me as Carlisle and Esme were. And Emmett seemed just as happy about Rosalie's 8th in state ranking.

I turned in my place so I could see Edward through the opening of the two seats. He looked up with eyebrows raised as soon as I turned. I grinned, my heart fluttering from just looking at him.

"So Edward, how do you feel about water skiing?"

* * *

_If anyone could make me a better person, you could_  
_All I gotta say is I must have done something good_  
_You came along one day and you rearranged my life_  
_All I gotta say is I must have done something right_  
_I must have done something right_

_And maybe I'm just lucky 'cause it's hard to believe_  
_Believe that somebody like you'd end up with someone like me  
_Must Have Done Something Right, Relient K

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-Fluff? Told ya. Two more to go.  
-As always thank you for your fantastic reviews! They were as great as the pillow pet I got. And trust me; that's saying a lot.

-Guess who hopped on the Twitter wagon? -sighs- I feel like sort've a loser at the moment. I have 1 follower. Follow me? I'll lead you to the Land of Oz. Twitter is **2carm2carm2** (surprised) or links on profile.


	16. Chapter 16

"Ohio."

"For the love God; I don't want to play the license plate game!" Edward complained, irritated with me. I had let him drive the big black monster to where our cabin was and he was learning that I wasn't a very good passenger. Every state I found just made him clench his teeth and his hold on to the steering wheel before sighing tensely.

I was enjoying the antagonizing, not going to lie.

"Florida!"

"Where? Where the fuck do you see Florida?" Edward whined. I smirked.

I feigned mistake as I squinted forward to look at the license plate ahead of us on the freeway. "Oh, never mind. It wasn't Florida. It was another Ohio."

"No," Edward spoke through clenched teeth again, making sure to get every syllable out very slowly and with pauses. "That is the _exact same_ Ohio you pointed out nine seconds ago."

I blinked, acting overly surprised. "Oh? Hm. I didn't notice!"

"Holy shit," he muttered, shaking his head and sliding one of his hands down his face in exasperation.

"Both hands on the wheel!" I yelled, making him jump. He put his other hand back on the steering wheel before glaring at me.

I sat back in my seat, getting comfortable. I folded my arms over my chest and kept an eye on his driving. The quiet lasted about a minute. I shouldn't have tried the coffee this morning; it was making me hyper active.

"Let's play the word game then," I suggested enthusiastically.

Edward was more on the unenthusiastic, apprehensive side. But he grudgingly asked, "What the hell is that?"

"I say a word and you say the first word that pops into your head," I explained, nodding eagerly. When he didn't seem convinced I added, "Its fun!"

"Whatever, you start." Even though it shouldn't have, grumpy Edward was amusing me greatly.

"Cool."

"Ice," Edward said without missing a beat.

"Hey!" I complained, "that wasn't my word!" Edward rolled his eyes again and looked at me, waiting for another word I suppose.

"Bella," I chose after a second of thinking.

"High." Okay; fair enough. I deserved that one at the moment.

"Plane."

"Fly."

"Edward," I nodded; satisfied with the answer I just gave.

"Hot," Edward nodded slowly with a grin, satisfied with his own cocky answer. I couldn't disagree or anything though.

"Annoying."

"Hey!"

"Horse," I continued, ignoring his protest.

"Oats."

"Field."

"Farm."

"Barn."

"Red."

"Blood."

Shit. I really shouldn't have said that. Not to a soldier who had been in combat before and was stationed in Iraq. Especially after the letter he had sent me before, about the young man losing a leg. Well; score one for Bella. I'd officially managed to be an insensitive bitch.

I looked at Edward. I had to give him his credit, he did try to contain the hurt and haunting from his face so that it bottled only in his eyes. I felt the remorse flood into my system as he shook out of it and thought of something else to say. "Doctor."

"Carlisle," I said quietly, willing him to see the apologetic look I was giving him. He glanced my way and gave me a half smile with a shrug.

"Father."

"Charlie," I said, just as quietly. I looked out the window, not wanting to see Edward's own apologetic face right now. All the hyper had been sobered out of me; and that was saying something since three seconds ago, I would have been suspected of drug use.

"Police," Edward sighed.

"Gun."

"Army."

"Edward."

"Sexy." I smiled at his answer, shaking off the thoughts of my parents.

"This again?" I asked with a smirk.

"First of all, last time I said hot. Not sexy. They are two different adjectives completely. And second, you were the one who wanted to play the shitty game," he said in playful defense. He wasn't as irritated as he would like me to believe.

"It's not shitty!" I protested, crossing my arms again.

"It entertained you for like two seconds! Now you're back to being the Energizer Bunny!" Edward exclaimed, exasperated.

"Turn!" I practically yelled.

"Around," Edward said grudgingly, just replying to humor me. "I thought we stopped this game!"

"No, the turn is right here!" He looked away from me and hissed a profanity as he took a sharp right off the freeway. I flew towards him and managed to catch myself by grabbing the dash board.

"Yeah. I'm driving home," I decided after I let out a relieved breath that I was still alive. Edward didn't say anything; instead he stared at the road with utmost concentration and a bit of sheepishness.

We continued down a dirt road before I directed him on the right turn to take. Edward slowly pulled the truck into the short driveway and parked right next to Carlisle's truck. I smiled calmly as I took in the lake.

The cabin was about 25 feet away from the small sand beach and water. We had a fire pit right in the middle of the grassy yard. Our dock was straight ahead of where Edward parked. We had our speed boat lift in with the boat covered and secure. Carlisle also bought two new jet-skis last year that had a double lift next to the speed boat.

After Edward and I grabbed our bags, I gave him a short tour of the cabin. It was much shorter than the one I gave of the house. When you first saw it, it looked like just a large hallway. There was a small, open closest when you first walk in to your right and then a pantry on the left. Following that wall you arrived at the long counter that served as our kitchen with the sink, microwave, and fridge, along with other things.

There was a table with six chairs across the space from the far end of the kitchen, right next to the bathroom. Also next to the bathroom was the entrance to the first bedroom. On the other side of the table was the entrance to the second bedroom and then a few feet after that was the third and final bedroom. Opposite of the third bedroom was where one of our futons was set up. It had several large windows on the wall that viewed the small deck with picnic tables and of course, a view of the lake.

At the end of the cabin were two couches – one of which was also a futon – and a coffee table in the center. There was also a TV that sometimes got more than four channels. And there was a door that led out to the deck. We had three doors including the one in between the fridge and first futon.

"Ready for a day on the water?" I grinned at him, showing him which bedroom he got.

"You know I've never water-skied or tubed, right?" Edward asked as he plopped his bag onto the bed. I grinned mischievously.

"Which is exactly why Esme will be giving you the skiing lesson while I watch from the boat and laugh my ass off."

I left him to go and get my swimsuit. Carlisle was already on the dock getting the boat ready and Esme was raking the sandy beach. Both of them were already donning the aquatic wear so I figured we didn't have much to do today. I put on the bikini that Esme gave me for Christmas last year. I knew it fit, so I was opting not to look in the mirror and talk myself out of walking outside with it.

By the time I gathered a cooler of snacks and drinks along with some towels for each of us, Edward was already outside with Esme, getting a crash course on skiing. I walked onto the dock with the cooler in my arms and Carlisle took it easily from me to place in the boat.

"I bet it'll take him six tries to get up," Carlisle mused with an amused twinkle in his eyes. He loved driving when someone was trying a new water sport. He found it all very amusing. That could be where I got it from.

"I don't know; he's got a lot of upper body strength. I'm going to say four."

"I win, Edward and you are going early morning fishing with me tomorrow." The confident smile fell off my face as I groaned. Getting up with Carlisle at 5:30 in the morning in the middle of the summer was not exactly my idea of fun.

"Fine," I grudgingly agreed and shook his hand.

"You ready, Es?" Carlisle called after he gave me a life jacket to give to Edward.

"I think we're good!" He nodded and I jogged off the dock to give Edward the life jacket while Carlisle winded the dock down.

Esme was already wading in the water to help him get started. I handed the red life jacket to a very shirtless Edward. When I saw that he was giving me a quick once over I blushed and looked down, tucking my hair behind my ear as I did. I was surprised that I didn't feel self conscious per say. . .more nervous on what he thought of what he was seeing.

"I like that color on you," Edward said lightly as he put the life jacket through his arms. I looked back up from our feet to catch a glimpse of his. . .eight pack? An _eight pack_? Seriously? Inwardly I sighed in exasperation.

Real funny, God. Real funny.

"Thanks," I said, trying to sound just as casual as he did. "Try not to swallow a whole gallon of water when you don't get up," I warned, changing the subject before he could say anything else.

"I always get up," Edward grinned cockily with his crooked smile. I rolled my eyes. Idly I wondered how something so crooked could be so. . .nice, for lack of a better word.

"Whatever you say," I said dismissively in a sing song voice before turning to go back to the boat.

Turns out, contrary to what Edward thought; he doesn't _always get up_.

Edward's confident attitude quickly dissolved into frustration. The first time he yelled "hit it!" and Carlisle started the boat I'm sure he thought he would easily get up. He didn't even almost get up. Not even close.

Carlisle was driving and I was lounged across the back of the boat with my sunglasses and soda in case I would need to spot. I laughed to myself. It'd be awhile till I had to worry about watching him up. Esme was on her tip toes in the water where Edward was, giving him some more tips and telling him what he was doing wrong. She was doing a _lot_ of talking.

I suppose you could say that I was up for a large laugh today. By the forth try he almost got up. This time he fell into really awkward and painful looking splits. Carlisle winced for him while I laughed really hard. He popped out of the water, his skis floating in various directions, coughing out some water. Carlisle drove in a slow circle around him so he could get the rope again.

"For the record," I stated when we were close to wear he was floating, tapping the water out of his ear, "that was like two gallons." Edward scoffed and rolled his eyes as the boat drifted away from him.

It was all funny until Carlisle reminded me that Edward has just passed four tries and suddenly, he was the one laughing. I liked fishing with Carlisle, don't get me wrong, but not at the ungodly hour of 5 AM. There are a number of things I would rather do than expect to be coherent that early. Like say, get a Brazilian wax.

"Alright, let me just show you how it's done," I decided loud enough so that they could all hear me. I stood up from the warm leather and took off my sunglasses. Then I hopped off the back of the boat into the cool water. I came to the surface quickly, gasping at the coldness of the water.

I swam out to where Edward was while Esme swam to get on the boat. "Give me the life jacket," I demanded mockingly.

"I was taught what to do in combat; not how to water ski," Edward complained whilst he unbuckled the life jacket. I slipped into it and adjusted the size before getting the skis situated on my feet.

Ignoring his excuse, I nodded at Carlisle to start the boat. "Watch and learn," I taunted. Carlisle started the engine and started to pull. Fortunately for the point I was trying to prove, I popped right up on them.

I smirked to myself. I let go with one hand and turned my head to wave back at him. Then I did all the little tricks I could think of just to show off a little bit. He stayed treading in the water until I dropped a ski and balanced on the one. I let go of the rope when I was close to where Edward was floating.

"Combat; not water sports," Edward justified simply. I rolled my eyes and threw the life jacket back to him.

Edward got up the next try. And I do sincerely believe it was because of my amazing teaching skills. Or maybe the fact that I had already lost the bet and Carlisle was going a little slower and helping him more. Whichever it was; doesn't mean I didn't laugh at the look of concentration Edward had as he figured out how to stay on the skis. He didn't end his ride as gracefully as I did, but he did okay.

"It took you five times to get up; I don't know why you're so smug," I told him as we both carried a ski back to the garage behind the cabin. He was walking with a very satisfied expression, like he had just ended global warming. You'd think that's what he did if you saw his smile.

We had our usual bonfire that night. Meaning we set the lawn chairs out and roasted s'mores. And pyromaniac Carlisle entertained himself with making sure the whole lake would know we were having a fire.

I went to bed early – thought 11:30 doesn't really count as early I guess – because I knew what was ahead of me the next morning. And the next morning came way too quickly for my liking.

Carlisle came into my bedroom and started poking my head like a three year old. I groaned and rolled over, burying my head in the warm, comfortable blankets. He leaned over and continued to poke. I burrowed further under to shield myself, still groaning and making unintelligible grunts. Finally he won the battle and I grudgingly got out of my small heaven to get dressed.

I threw on a black hoodie to reflect my grumpy mood and a pair of old jeans. My hair was a rat's nest so I put it into a sloppy bun on the top of my head and braved outside of my room. Edward and Carlisle were at the table each scarfing down a piece of toast. Edward was also wearing a pair of jeans and a zip up brown sweatshirt. His eyes were just as droopy and groggy as mine, so I didn't feel like the ugly step sister at least.

"Alright! Let's go fishing!" Carlisle said enthusiastically after his toast was finished. Just to complete his perky statement, he clapped his hands together, making me jump, and rubbed them with anticipation.

This is quite literally the happiest I had seen Carlisle with Edward around. Needless to say that regardless of my somewhat hazy state...I was incredibly confused.

"I hope you know this is all your fault," I told Edward irritably after I covered my mouth due to a large yawn.

"How is it my fault?" Turns out Edward was just as grumpy in the mornings as I was. Great. Perky Carlisle, grumpy Edward, and pissy Bella. Someone was not going to make it off the boat when we returned.

"If you would have gotten up on the fucking skis earlier I would still be sleeping," I snapped. The microwave beeped, just to finish my statement properly. I poured the steaming water into my traveling coffee mug and let a bag of tea seep in it.

"I would have told you not to bet on me, _had I known_," Edward grumbled, pushing his chair away from the table and standing up.

"Pardon me that I assumed your athletic ability was just a little better than that sorry display yesterday," I retorted, walking the opposite direction of him to get to the door.

"Athletic ability? Water skiing isn't about being athletic," Edward was one step behind me, slipping on his tennis shoes the same time I did.

"Are you saying that I'm not athletic?" I questioned. Edward merely raised a challenging eyebrow at me while cocking his head to the side. I leaned in closer to him and poked his chest with every word. "Because let me tell you something, buddy."

"What?" He continued to challenge. I narrowed my eyes as he began to smirk. "What would you like to tell me?"

I came out blank. What _was_ I going to tell him? I wished I wasn't carrying a scalding beverage; otherwise I'd splash it in his face. "I'm more athletic than you. So ha," I finished lamely. I opened the door and walked outside, Edward still only a step behind me.

"Well I guess I can't argue with _that _logic," Edward retorted sarcastically.

"You're right; you can't," I agreed snobbishly.

"I happen to enjoy sleep too you know!"

"Evidently not a high enough value to you though," I sassed, irritated. I was quite positive that no one in the world held sleep at a higher level than I.

"You're a pain in the ass, Swan," he muttered, only loud enough for me to hear.

"Get used to it, Masen," I snapped. I hadn't sounded this sassy since I was nine. More like snotty really. But it was 5:32 in the fucking morning. The sun was barely up!

"Anything wrong?" Carlisle asked cheerily as I stomped down the dock into the boat. His perky mood just pissed me off more.

"Ask him. He seems to have a problem with his ass," I said sweetly, turning to glare at Edward who was shaking his head and stepping into the boat.

"Am I supposed to deny it?" Edward asked me grumpily with a nice little mix of sarcasm.

"I'm not the issue here," I snapped whilst Carlisle backed out from under the awning.

"You're right. Perhaps we should go with a more fitting synonym. Like maybe. . . _problem_."

"Takes one to know one," I retorted smartly. Carlisle started the engine and we began to travel across the water. Therefore not allowing Edward to respond to my amazingly clever comeback. I totally won that argument. I sipped my tea smugly as he rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. Pissy always beats Grumpy.

Fortunately for Carlisle, the higher the sun got in the sky, the better Edward and I behaved. We only bickered for about an hour into the fishing trip before Carlisle scolded us and we were told to play nice.

It ended up being a pretty good morning after that. We had a really good breakfast that Esme (who got three extra hours of sleep) made for us. This was after we got the limit of fish to eat. After a light lunch, Carlisle and Esme drove to the town in search for some good sweet corn to cook on the fire for dinner tonight.

Edward was taking a shower and I finally had a moment of peace. I went out to the hammock that we had hanging between two trees next to the beach. I laid back on it horizontally so I push myself with my feet.

The past five days had been absolutely nonstop for me. Edward got here and we spent the day together. I went to state for two days and placed 2nd. Then we went up to the cabin with Edward, where I spent even more time with him. And that brings us to today where I'm finally allowed a break and can think for a couple minutes.

I don't know what I was expecting when I invited Edward to spend his leave here. I know I must have had some sort of idea on how he would act or what he would look like. But all of that is just blank now. I wouldn't be able to tell you what I was thinking two weeks ago.

Edward and I were very agreeable in our letters, we complimented each other well. . .I thought, at least. And now that he was here, I was realizing the connection even more. I was normally a very private homebody. I craved time to myself, and when I spent so much time with someone, I always needed a break where I could just be alone and not out doing something. But with Edward, I hadn't needed that break yet. Me sitting out here right now wasn't a break. A break was at least a six hour away period and a night in my own home alone.

Maybe the reason I hadn't needed more space from Edward was because of how excited I was for him to come. And I still was excited to have him here. Maybe I wouldn't even need my break this month, because I knew that after he leaves, I wouldn't see him again for awhile. That could be the whole reason that I'd wanted to spend so much time with him. But I think it was more than the reminder of him leaving. With Edward, I _wanted_ to be around him whenever I could.

The rock of the hammock was soothing my jumbled thoughts and I was enjoying it. I let my eyes close for a few seconds and listened to the water and sea gulls squawking. They opened again when I heard the loud and protesting squeak of the door opening.

Edward came out and walked over to the hammock, aided by my inviting smile. "Mind if I sit?" he asked. I scooted over to my right to make room for him to answer his question. He laid back and settled into the hammock, his feet taking up the rocking motion immediately.

"Sorry I called you a pain in the ass," Edward apologized. His tone made it clear that he wasn't really sorry, but more making sure I wasn't upset about it.

"Sorry I questioned your athletic ability."

"Whatcha thinking about?" Edward wondered, turning his head to face mine. I adjusted mine as well so that we were facing each other. I smiled, never getting tired of his eyes.

"Why do you ask that so much?"

"When we wrote letters, you always told me everything you were thinking, or at least that's what it seemed like. Now I wonder what you're thinking, just like I did when I'd ask you a question on paper. To be honest, it's kind of concerning me a bit, staying here and not knowing how you feel," he explained. Most guys shied away from eye contact for too long. I was the same way actually. But Edward kept his eyes locked on mine while he was talking and I found that I couldn't look away.

"Fair enough. I was actually thinking about how much I like having you around," I admitted, trying not to cryptic, but not wanting to really spill the mess of thoughts.

"I'm glad," Edward smiled slightly before looking past me to the lake. I let him think, noticing the small furrow above his eyebrows. I looked at his hair, still damp from the shower. He didn't have a floppy hair style but he had just enough hair for me to want to run my hand through it.

"You know, I'm not really good with words. Writing letters is one thing but being near you is totally different. I just wanted to tell how happy I am to be here, with you." I looked into his serious eyes and just stared for a little bit before I felt myself give him a small smile.

"I'm happy to be with you too, sexy ass," I teased, smiling wider.

"You know you love it, snicker doodle," Edward smiled crookedly.

"When did I acquire that name?"

"13 seconds ago. And come to think of it, I actually like it."

"Of course you do," I rolled my eyes endearingly. Edward chuckled quietly under his breath.

We sat there in peace for a little bit. Neither of us speaking, the only sound other than the occasional speed boat passing was the creek of the swinging hammock. I looked out at the lake and beach before turning back to face him. He was closing his eyes contently. They opened when he sensed my eyes watching him.

"I caught _way_ more fish than you this morning," he bragged with that childish smugness.

I leaned over and flicked his temple lightly. "Owe," he whined, bringing his hand up to rub it soothingly.

Yeah, it was good to have Edward here.

* * *

_Have I hope with your heart?_  
_She's such a teaser, she's such a star._  
_Give me a reason or gimme a chance._  
_Am I alone in your heart, or am I alone...?_  
_It tears me apart._  
_Am I alone?_

_Doing all I can do, just to be close to you._  
_Every time that we meet, I skip a heartbeat._  
_Always up for a laugh, she's a pain in the arse._  
_Every time that we meet, I skip a heartbeat._  
Heartbeat, Scouting For Girls

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-Sorry this chapters late. In my defense...I did write it in September. My beta (who is still just great...) took a little longer. To make it up to you I'll post another on in just a few days.  
-I don't have much to say...thank you to all of you who have recommended my story! It means a lot to me (:

-Follow me on Twitter (**2carm2carm2**) for my grumbling and sarcasm...well and updating schedule and chapter teasers...but mostly the sarcasm.


	17. Chapter 17

I woke up back in my bed the next day. I had made Edward let me drive home and I found that he was also not a good passenger. It was like driving with a kid who just got their permit. They sit and correct every little mistake you make and Edward was taking great pleasure in doing so.

I was happy to be home and just relax, but I already missed that cabin. We had had a great weekend there, and I was anxious for Friday to come again so we could go once more.

An hour before lunch, I wandered to Edward's room, wondering where he would be. Esme and Carlisle both had full days of work for the next week so it would just be the two of us. Edward was lying across his bed on his stomach, his arms folded and his head buried in them.

I tip toed across the wooden floor and jumped lightly on the bed and fell on my stomach next to him. I mirrored his position putting my chin on my folded arms and facing him. Edward looked up with raised eyebrows.

"Whatcha doing?" I asked innocently.

"Sleeping." And with that he put his head back down.

"Liar," I accused.

"Gee, what gave it away?" he asked sarcastically. I rolled my eyes, even though it was a wasted gesture considering he didn't see it.

"No need to get snippy with me," I teased, kicking his ankle lightly.

"Actually, I was thinking that I should probably buy a cell phone," Edward went back to the original question after giving me a nudge back.

"You don't have one? Whose did you call me on?" I asked, laying my head down to face him.

"Emmett's. I was thinking that I should be able to call the guys and you when I want." I'm not going to lie and say I didn't want to grin to find out that I was included in that group.

"Yeah, it might be a good idea," I agreed, allowing myself a small smile that was supposed to appear encouraging. It was more of selfish smile actually. Edward nodded. I waited a minute. "Do you miss your guys?"

"I guess I don't like it when I'm not there to watch there backs," Edward confided. I nodded, well sorta, given the awkward angle and all.

"So you miss them," I concluded.

Edward agreed with a quick nod. "Pretty much, yup."

"You're a good sergeant," I noted with a smile.

Edward shrugged modestly. "I don't know about that. I just give a shit about them. I want them to get back to their mom's and girlfriends."

I noticed that well Edward was extremely confident and downright cocky about almost every subject, he wasn't as sure of himself when it came to being a sergeant. A note to file and return to later I guess.

"Isn't that Emmett and Jasper too?"

"Most sergeants are. There are hardasses who still get concerned when it matters. And then there are real bastards who honestly don't fucking care. There's only a fewn but they're there." I processed the bitterness in his tone.

I wasn't sure if I knew where he was going with this, but I took my best shot at it. "Who was your sergeant during your first deployment?"

"Back when I was Private Masen?" Edward grinned, remembering the time rather than the leader. I smiled and nodded. "Being a private, those guys and girls have it made. I get jealous of Alice. She's not in charge of the well being of ten men. Though she sure as hell could do it," he added with a chuckle.

"The sergeant I had my first deployment was one of those few and true bastards. I met him and the rest of my first squad at basic training. And God was that hell. I was still a little, well. . .not in shape for one thing, and still rebellious. The guy, Sergeant Volt, instead of making at least a decent introduction, sent us out to run eight miles. In an hour. I somehow managed to do it by about three minutes but there was a guy behind me who missed it by a minute and the man made us all run four more miles in a half hour. It was a really nice sign of what we would be getting for the next year. We all hated him. Even Emmett; and Emmett doesn't hate anyone."

"I guess you weren't exactly jumping at the chance to make him pie."

Edward looked at me like he found something particularly funny. "_Jumping at the chance to make him pie_? What kind of saying is that? What is the origin of it?" Now he was mocking me.

So I straightened my shoulders and gave him the only answer that would make sense.

"Canada."

"Of course," he agreed, again, mockingly.

"So, no pie for Sergeant Volt," I prompted.

"Hell no. And it's not like he had a wife to bake it for him. A woman in prison wouldn't even marry the man. One of the guys in the squad was running literally seventeen seconds late to a training session. Volt made the guy do push-ups until his nose actually started to bleed. That doesn't make you stronger; it breaks you way more than you should have to be. That man took Army Strong to the extreme. And he was always calling us shitbags. And let me tell you, not in the endearing 'hey ya little shitbag' way. No, more like the, 'you are such a shitbag that your country is unfortunate to have you stand for them.'"

I listened quietly and watched Edward start to get visibly upset as he continued talking about the man. It almost shocked me when I started to feel really protective over him. I wanted to tell this Mr. Volt (which was a real dumbass name if you asked me) what to shove up his dumb ass.

"But hey, you and Emmett," I prodded, wanting to hear more stories that were fun to hear verses these.

Edward laughed loudly. "I don't think he could've been hated more by Volt if he tried, and believe me Emmett tried. He was dumb and reckless and was always subtly pushing his buttons, like this one time. . ." Edward launched into a tale about Emmett being stupid.

That's really what we did for the whole day. Until we were both hungry, we laid on Edward's bed and I listened to him tell stories that he couldn't have conveyed nearly this well in a letter. Then, when we both got hungry, I fixed us some BLTs which we ate outside on the grass. And then for the afternoon, I told him stories of the trouble that Rosalie and I had gotten into over the years. It was a really relaxing and good day. Yeah; it was a good day.

I loved to talk. I was a very expressive person and when I told stories, I really got into them; I'm talking hand gestures, changes of voices, facial expressions. It was so nice to have someone listen to me with their full, undivided attention and laugh with me.

The day after that I was really excited. I had another surprise for Edward. I couldn't be sure, but I felt he would like this one just a little bit better than the cake I baked. I was really eager to see how he would react to it.

I had my phone in my hand all day, waiting for texts from Carlisle. If Edward noticed, he didn't indicate it. He was too busy beating me in Grand Theft Auto over. . .and over. . .and over. I think he may have still been a little annoyed that I was a better water-skier than he was. I mean, by the eighth time of getting my ass handed to me, we switched to Call of Duty.

When I did get the text from Carlisle, I had to tell Edward I would be back in ten minutes. I asked him to wait for me in the front yard when I got back. He agreed even though he gave me a weird, apprehensive look.

Carlisle had gone to the airport to pick it up and met me at the hospital to transfer it into my truck. I sped the entire way back to the house, just wanting Edward to see it again. When I pulled into the driveway, sure enough Edward was just shutting the front door and jogging slowly to the middle of the grassy yard.

Grinning to myself I shut off the truck and hopped out. Then I walked around to the passenger side and opened the back door. Edward was looking at me with furrowed eyebrows which I ignored.

Once the door was opened, a golden retriever leaped out of the vehicle and ran as fast as his legs would take him to his owner. I watched Edward's mouth literally fall open in such genuine surprise that assured me it was all worth it. Ares flew at Edward, literally, and brought Edward tumbling down on the grass from the impact. Edward rolled around with the dog from the fall and started petting his hands all over the golden body. I leaned against the truck and watched with a content smile.

Edward recovered from the shock and I watched as the biggest beam I had ever seen settle onto Edward's face. He knelt on the grass, still wildly petting the tail-wagging animal. Ares was attacking Edward's face with his tongue and Edward was laughing gladly.

"Hey bud," Edward greeted enthusiastically, blinking his eyes and moving the overly affectionate dog away from his face. Ares let out his own happy bark and shoved his nose into Edward's neck, nuzzling it with hyper love.

I hadn't met Edward long ago at all. Last week to be specific. But I've known him for months. And it genuinely made me happy to see Edward, who deserved so much and had nothing, to be able to connect with the life he had before he joined the army. I would do a lot of things in this life to be able to see him smiling like that everyday.

"How'd you do this?" Edward asked in breathless amazement. Edward had managed to stand up after a couple more minutes and Ares was prancing around his owner eagerly. Edward was bent down at an angle to continue and pet the affection wanting dog. "I called the woman who was watching him but the phone was disconnected. . .so I just assumed. . ."

I nodded while I crouched down on the driveway to pet Ares. "She did pass away actually. Five months ago. That's why you got the disconnected line when you tried." I looked from Edward back down to Ares who was panting from excitement and the June heat. "How 'bout we get you some water boy?" The dog barked in approval and I grinned. Edward helped me up from the crouch I was in and we went inside to get water for all of us.

I explained to Edward that while the woman had died, she had a very prominent son who was a lawyer in Chicago. Oh the things Google can do for a curious one. Anyway, I called his firm and after some charming and a tiny bit of lying on my part (the receptionist patched me through after I convinced her I had accidentally murdered nine people and this was my one phone call from jail), I talked to him about Ares. Turns out he had two daughters that had been taking care of Ares until an owner could be located. I told him who I was and we got to talking and he was very gracious, arranging transport for Ares and whatnot. He had also mentioned something else of Edward's that he had.

"You got my motorcycle back?" Edward asked disbelievingly. I pressed my lips together as he had interrupted me. I watched his eyebrows go up and his greens eyes start dancing. . .no, not dancing; _salsaing_, for an answer. Then I nodded slowly, waiting for his reaction.

Edward's eyes brightened considerably and beamed again. He opened his mouth and inhaled, about to say something most likely explicit and mock-able by many counts. I watched with a smile and raised an eyebrow. He met my eyes and exhaled with a _whoosh_. "Cool," he finally said with a shrug and underlying smugness at his restraint. I rolled my eyes as Edward held his head high with pride.

"Is it fast?" I hedged on, still amused by his happiness, amused and thrilled at the same time.

"Fuck yeah! There is nothing like going 80 with that thing down the highway. . ." Edward launched into an extravagant tale of another one of those dumb antics stories and I just laughed at him.

Rose called shortly after that. Edward and I agreed that Ares was in need of some supplies. There was never a question that he would be living here. So I figured he needed some food and maybe a bed. I was glad Carlisle liked dogs and Esme was 'down with it.'

Edward was over getting food while I was looking at cow hooves. Apparently they were good for teeth. I told her about Edward and the motorcycle and the store I was in currently. Emmett and her were having a lazy day apparently and he was sitting by her when I mentioned the motorcycle.

"Let's go! I'm driving," I heard shuffling of fabric, most likely of the couch as Emmett got up enthusiastically.

"We'll be at your house in ten," Rosalie sighed endearingly. I laughed and closed the phone.

Emmett was quite disappointed when he pulled in the driveway with Rose sitting next to him, right after Edward and me, and realized we weren't on a motorcycle. I had already explained to Edward that the lawyer was handling shipping. Turns out the motor death trap and the dog were the only things he left with the woman.

Rosalie coddled Ares the moment she walked in the door and fawned over how pretty he was for about ten minutes straight. Emmett admired that dog too but his mind was still on motorcycle so Edward and him jumped into a conversation about that. Rosalie and I went into the kitchen to get some snacks after Emmett suggested a game of Rock Band.

"I've left you alone all week and now you're going to tell me what the hell you two have been doing," Rosalie demanded. She stood up from the crouch she was in by Ares and turned her interrogating stare on me.

I chose to ignore her comment and pretend I didn't hear her. Instead, I busied myself by studying the pantry intently.

"I don't know how you two haven't hooked up yet. His look just screams sex and he has this mysterious, bad boy solider thing going on. It's hot," Rosalie concluded knowingly with an impressed nod of approval.

"Where did you get ever get bad boy from?" I asked her, focusing on a container of Oreos and inadvertently dodging her questions.

"A motorcycle? Come on, Bella. _A motorcycle_."

"I don't know what that's supposed to mean. So stop saying it like it's the Holy Grail."

"Hell it is!"

"I don't even like motorcycles," I shrugged honestly while I put the Oreos back on the shelf and picked up the cookies instead. Motorcycles really didn't appeal to me. Esme's reasoning was they were just jet skis on land. I had to disagree; if you fall off a jet ski, you get cold water in your face. A motorcycle on the other hand, you break a few bones. . ._or die._

"Then why the hell did you find it for him?" Rosalie had finally made herself useful and was rummaging in the fridge for drinks. All the while she kept up the steady stream of…I wanted to say lecture but that sounds too light.

"Because I like to think I'm generally a nice person."

Rosalie snorted. I thought she would be done and leave it at that but no. With Emmett's arrival I swear to God she had gotten impossibly more annoying.

"You know who else is a _nice_ person?"

I was pretty sure I did not like where she was going with that suggestive comment.

"Jesus?"

"Holy and nice are two totally different things." Rosalie shut the fridge. I glanced at her hands and saw two cans of Coke and two bottles of beer for the guys. My brows furrowed as I looked at that. I had never really thought about the fact that Edward was of drinking age. I hadn't offered him a beer the entire time he had been here. Lovely, Bella; you are such an amazing hostess.

I blinked as she waved her hand that was holding the bottles in my face. "What? Oh yeah. I agree. Completely different things." Now I was distracted, wondering about other things that Edward might want that I hadn't thought about at all. Rosalie either didn't notice or chose not to give a damn.

"But holy fucking sexy is just another meaning of nice," Rose raised her eyebrows up and down yet again, suggestively.

"I am fairly sure that it does not say holy fucking sexy in the dictionary under nice."

I wasn't entirely sure why I wasn't talking to Rose about my thoughts on Edward right now. I just didn't know what I was supposed to be feeling about him or what crossed lines. Right now I just wanted to keep it as simple as possible. It was working pretty well and I didn't want Rosalie advertising him like a piece of pork. It would just complicate things. And it wasn't like I was disagreeing with any of the things she had pointed out.

"Read between the lines, deary," Rosalie winked before shutting up because we were entering the living room again.

Emmett and Edward were lounging across the couch and an armchair. They had been talking about something before Rose and I walked in but they instantly looked up when we walked in and shut up. I looked at Edward curiously but he didn't give me an answer, he was just looking at me like he was seeing something new, and by the looks of his expression, not bad.

I felt my stomach flutter under his stare, Rose's words ringing freshly and annoyingly in my mind. I set down the pile of junk food and broke the eye contact I had with him. I took a seat across from him on the loveseat where one of the plastic guitars was waiting. I would have sat next to him; Lord knows that's where I wanted to be despite all the thoughts. But he was sitting on the armchair and I don't think I was quite ready to plop down on his lap. Besides; he had the drum set in front of him.

Read between the lines.

When Rose had first said it I rolled my eyes. But as we started playing an intense game, I thought about her words and the way she said it. The more I mulled it over, I realized she had meant it in more ways than one.

I thought I knew Edward, and there wasn't a doubt in my mind that I didn't have a pretty good idea of who he was. But I wanted to be more to him. I wanted to really know him, and for the first time in my life, I wanted someone to really know me.

Whatever the hell that meant for us.

* * *

_Honey you are a rock _  
_Upon which I stand _  
_And I come here to talk _  
_I hope you understand _

_That green eyes, yeah the spotlight, shines upon you _  
_And how could, anybody, deny you _

_I came here with a load _  
_And it feels so much lighter, now I've met you _  
_And honey you should know, that I could never go on without you  
_Green Eyes, Coldplay

* * *

-That was the last chapter of pure-who-effing-cares-fluff! I promise! Now we can start getting into the good stuff from here on out(:  
-I wanted to thank you all for your fantastic reviews! I'm sorry I don't have time to respond to all of them, but I've been busy trying to figure out how I'm going to end this crazy story...(don't worry, that won't be for at least another 30 chapters;)  
-I'm on Twitter, **2carm2carm2**, follow me for my complaining and occasional teasers!


	18. Chapter 18

"I know you're not actually asleep."

"Mmmm," I groaned and buried my head in my pillow. He laughed softly and didn't say anything else.

We were driving up to the cabin again today. It was already seven o'clock and I felt like sleeping for eighteen hours. Yesterday I had started to bug Edward about what he did to stay 'Army Strong,' physically that is. He soon gave in to my annoying nagging and promised me a real workout.

Real workout?

I was pretty sure my legs would never forgive me.

I had always thought of myself as being in pretty good shape. I lifted weights most of the year to keep my arms toned for golf and I ran to stay in shape for the soccer season. Turns out that wasn't much of a workout compared to Edward's.

Anyone who had ever pushed themselves to the point where if you took another step, there was no doubt in your mind that you would die. . .would know what I was talking about. Edward seemed concerned a few times, but under that was amusement and that damn smugness. So I told him to shut up and stop worrying about me.

This brings us back to the present. I let Edward drive without a fight and he was still amused by my soreness. I was currently stretched out in the back seat of the cab of my truck. I was cuddled up with a pillow and technically I was sorta buckled in. I'm not entirely sure, but I trusted Edward wouldn't hit a wild turkey and end up killing me.

"You know, if you couldn't handle that I really don't think you should be a soccer captain, much less on the team." Yeah. He was definitely enjoying my agony way too much.

Without opening my eyes I raised my arm and flipped him the bird. I wasn't even sure if he could see it. I was counting on the rearview mirror to relay the little gesture. Edward laughed again. Bastard.

I slept the rest of the way and Edward let me be in peace. Thank God.

Rosalie and Emmett were in Rose's mom's car behind us. We invited them to the lake because we all missed Rosalie, Carlisle and Esme included. I hadn't seen her much since Emmett arrived and now that Edward was here we really hadn't gotten to spend much of the summer together at all. And Emmett. I smiled and shook my head as I thought about him.

God I loved Emmett.

It would be fun to have him and Edward at the lake at the same time. Emmett grew up in Michigan; they had lakes there and he, from what I'd heard, had his fair share of water in his time. I was eager to challenge him to a battle of the strengths; tube style.

I was awake when Edward pulled in the cabin's driveway. I hopped out of the truck in sync with him and he grinned over at me as I stretched and yawned. He reached over and ruffled my already disheveled hair. "Cute," he smiled as I narrowed my eyes playfully at him.

"So what's the sleeping arrangement?" Edward asked as we grabbed our bags from the bed of the truck. Rosalie and Emmett pulled into place between us without killing either of us which was a miracle itself.

I got distracted by the way he had said the question. After Rosalie's little chat with me, I'll admit that my mind had been in the deepest gutter possible. I may have been imagining it, but it felt like Edward was being more suggestive too. Then again, that was probably me wanting that to be true, just so my sickness wasn't my entire fault.

"Sleeping with who?" I blinked and asked, trying to focus back on him as we headed in through the door.

Edward chuckled, "I don't know. You tell me."

"Uh, I can sleep with someone I guess," I muttered with an indifferent shrug. I ran the words back in my mind the same time Edward got a smirk on his face. He tried to hide it, failed miserably, but tried nevertheless.

"Good to know," Edward grinned crookedly. Okay. That was suggestive, was it not?

"Um, yeah," I said, because really, nothing else would have fit. "I guess you and Emmett can have the bedroom with the bunks and Rose and I can share the other one that has one bed."

Edward nodded and started walking to the far bedroom. I may have imagined it, hell I'm pretty sure I did, but I could have swore I heard a faint, "Lucky Rosalie," come out of his mouth.

I threw my bag on the bed in the bedroom I usually took and fell onto the mattress with it. Whew. Some dynamic had changed between the two of us in the past few days. I liked it, but it was making me a little nervous if I was being honest. Flirty Edward had come out to play. I just hoped I could keep up.

I knew Edward's shift in demeanor had something to do with the conversation that he had with Emmett a couple days ago. I couldn't help but think that Emmett had been saying the same thing Rosalie had been to me.

It was 80's night again tonight. Meaning that one of the local radio stations played all 80's all night. And I mean like _all_ the classics. Carlisle, Esme, and I had been belting them out for the whole lake to hear for years. Emmett fit right in. And I must say. . .he really stole the show with Journey's _Don't Stop Believing. _The other side of the lake must have been impressed with his unusual skills.

Rosalie adored the guy.

Plain and simple. Whenever he spoke her gorgeous eyes twinkled brightly and whenever he looked at her she would get a blush on her cheeks. It was crazy to me, really. She bitched about anything and everything, and from what Edward told me, so did Emmett. But like in math, two negatives equalled a positive. I hated math, but it seemed to have some merit.

Rosalie ended up taking one of the futons in the far living room area that night instead. Something about not wanting to cuddle with me. . .yeah; I was a little offended. I was very cuddle-able.

"Anyone want to go fishing tomorrow morning?" Carlisle asked to no one in particular after we had all moved inside from the fire to the cabin. Rosalie was off putting sheets on the flattened futon and laughed outright at the suggestion. The question wasn't for her at all. Rosalie was less of a morning person than I was which was saying a lot.

"Not with princess over there," Edward snorted and looked at me pointedly but still teasingly. I stuck my tongue out playfully.

"I'd like to get back into it," Emmett shrugged. He was planted in one of the chairs by the table, fighting sleep by the looks of it.

"I'll go too," Edward volunteered and Carlisle nodded with such satisfaction it was almost comical. Esme rolled her eyes at her husband and finished putting the marshmallows and chocolate away. She was just glad Carlisle wouldn't try to drag her out of bed; he had other people to entertain him now.

I woke up the next morning at a very satisfying time. It was no 11 in the morning, but I would take 9 over 5:30 any day. Esme, Rose and I had a late breakfast and went about our daily morning activities. I threw on a swimsuit under a brown tank top with some short shorts over it. By the time I had my hair tied on the top of my head with a pony tail, the boys were pulling in the boat.

I stole a glance out the window as I sharpened the knives for Carlisle to use to clean the fish. Edward had kept up his golden tan from the dessert and he looked. . .really good with the tan, his wind blown hair and the lazy smile on his face. I smiled and looked down again.

Apparently Emmett was excused from fish cleaning this morning. He out-fished Edward by seven and wasn't above rubbing that in. I decided I would get a laugh out of Carlisle teaching Edward how to get the meat out of the fish. Plus I hadn't seen him yet this morning, and I was a little curious to test out his newfound flirting.

I walked leisurely to the grass area in between the cabin and the garage where we had a picnic table that was generally used for cleaning purposes. Edward was standing at one end, looking clumsy but still totally knowing what he was doing with the knife in his hand. Carlisle looked frustrated already and when he saw me walking towards them he stood up with relief.

"Bella! Awesome! You remember how it took me three hours to teach you this?" He gestured to the table that had a bucket of partially alive fish, knives, newspaper and other buckets. I nodded. "Knowledge is power, and we like to spread power. So, spread some power with Edward over here while I go get a beer." I opened my mouth to protest, not entirely sure what I was going to say, but Carlisle was already jogging past me to the door.

Eh, what the hell?

I walked over to Edward who was smirking at the place where Carlisle was just sitting. I rolled my eyes and moved to stand next to him. I reached over and grabbed Carlisle's discarded knife and a poor, but really fat fish.

"You clean fish too?" I looked over at him and flashed a grin before concentrating on what I was doing. "Do you hunt with Carlisle too?" I wasn't sure if the question was meant to be sarcastic but I smirked confidently down at the dead fish.

"Shot a 12 point buck last fall," I told him with pride.

"That buck was at one point Bambi you know," Edward teased after chuckling.

"I never liked that movie. I thought Bambi was a girl until they made the sequel where he was king of the forest."

"Not anymore he's not. Because you shot him." I laughed and threw the meat of the fish into a bowl of water and the rest of its body into a plastic bag. Carlisle and I had raced last year; I could clean fish seven seconds faster than him.

"Did you get all that?" I asked, knowing full well he hadn't. Edward looked down and noticed that the fish was no more.

"How about a step by step?" Edward asked sheepishly.

"Fine, I'll do it with you," I agreed. I leaned over the table, careful not to shove my ass in his face and grabbed the next unfortunate aquatic creature. I set it down on the cutting board and picked up the knife, expecting Edward to follow my suit.

I held in a gasp of surprise when Edward moved from my right side to behind me. His rock hard arms slipped past my sides and wove their way under my arms that were poised and ready with the knife. I stiffened as his chest pressed lightly, yet still firmly against my back.

Without wanting to make a big deal out of it – outwardly, inwardly I was freaking out a bit – I didn't glance up at him. Instead, his gentle fingers coaxed mine to softly release the knife. I let go of it and he took it firmly in between his fingers. I sat there for a second, feeling so much of his body caging mine in. Except I didn't feel constricted, I felt safe. It was a weird sensation to describe; the best comparison I could make was trying to write what a sunset looks like. It was impossible to describe. It just is what it is.

"Now what?" I breathed, downplaying my anxiety.

"Take my hands, show me what to do," Edward whispered into my ear. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up and my chest fluttered at his proximity.

I place my hands lightly on top of his and moved them. Edward moved without any resistance, cutting exactly where I was telling him to, and cutting smoothly with ease. I fought the urge to let my head fall back against him.

We continued with this system for a few more fish. I wasn't even guiding his hands after the second one; he was working skillfully without my help. But he didn't move his arms or chest from me, and I didn't move out of them. I tentatively closed my eyes and felt his arms moving slowly around me, his muscles moving with every cut of the blade.

Without any warning I felt his lips on the base of my neck. My eyes flew open and I blinked rapidly, in sync with my pulsing heart. I didn't move, I stayed perfectly still as my body tingled and his lips lifted gently off of my skin. I turned slowly in his arms and looked up at him.

Edward locked eyes with me. I heard some shuffling and sliding behind me. I was curious what he was doing without looking but I wasn't going to break eye contact. He lightly urged me backward until I met the edge of the picnic table. Edward's startling eyes moved away from mine and looked behind me. I turned my neck to look behind. I saw that he had pushed away all the shit so that there was a square foot of clean table.

I used my hands to push myself onto the table as a chair. I was secure quickly and looked back up at Edward. He stared down at me with the hint of a smile. He moved his hands on each side of my thigh, so close that the edges of his fingers were brushing against my bare thigh.

"What now?" Edward asked with a hint of seduction in his desirable voice. I felt the corner of my mouth go up the tiniest bit.

I don't know where I found my voice, or how it didn't betray my racing heart, but somehow I managed to speak. "Is this the part where you kiss me?"

Edward ducked his head and smiled softly at me. He leaned in so that his breath tickled my skin over my shoulder. He leaned in farther and placed his lips on my bare shoulder, placing a chaste kiss and then removing his lips only to place them farther up a few inches towards my neck. His whisper made me shiver. "You tell me."

His lips roamed around the area of my neck, making my back arch when he started to suck lightly on the skin of my neck. Abruptly he removed his lips off of my skin and it felt cold without the contact. I looked at him, my hands weaving their way over his arms until they were nestled behind his neck. I looked at him. He looked at me. Then he started to lean in towards the final destination of my lips as my heart steadily pounded in my chest.

"I want some fillets! What's taking so long?" Emmett's voice rang from somewhere on the other side of the cabin. Edward closed his eyes and let his head hang down next to mine.

"I will kill him," he promised threateningly. I smiled, trying not to show my disappointment when he raised his head and looked back up to me.

"Seriously, when are you going to be– _oh_." Emmett had just rounded the corner that Carlisle had left and stopped dead in his tracks when he saw us. Edward sighed, quiet enough just for me to hear and moved away from the compromising position we were currently in.

"Hi Emmett," I gave him a little half-hearted wave, trying not to blush. I looked down and crossed my legs because they were spread where Edward had been standing. Emmett pressed his mouth into a flat line, looking like he was fighting some amusement.

"Something funny, McCarthy?" Edward asked coolly, crossing his arms defensively and widening his stance.

"Nope. Well just a little. . ." Edward saw where Emmett was going and raised a challenging eyebrow at him. Emmett quickly backtracked. "Nope. Nothing at all. I'm just going to go and find Rose, and do. . .stuff. Yeah, kay bye." And with that Emmett turned around and jogged back out of sight.

"So," Edward said as he moved his arms to hang at his side. He shoved his hands in his pockets. I shifted awkwardly, the mood from a minute ago totally gone.

"Well. Let's finish these fish I guess." Had we done anything else it would have been uncomfortable for each of us. Neither of us said anything while we made quick work of all the fish.

God I hated Emmett.

We waded in the water out in front of the cabin in the lake after lunch. Rosalie and I floated on blown up water beds while Edward and Emmett threw the football back and forth. Rosalie and I were trying to have a conversation about the upcoming soccer season. But holy shit, it was impossible with the two of them casually in the water without their shirts. There were abs everywhere you freaking looked!

"Justine Marcy!" Emmett said suddenly. He sounded pretty triumphant, like he had just remembered the name. Rosalie, Edward and I all stared at him as he grinned proudly.

"Huh?" Everyone was thinking it.

"She was my first. 11th grade, prom night." Edward and I continued to stare, but Rosalie nodded and shrugged, running her hand in the water. Emmett looked back and forth between us before sighing dramatically and explaining. "Rose was asking a few days ago and I couldn't remember her name, but now I got it!" He looked like he wanted a high five.

"Awesome!" I exclaimed with fake enthusiasm. Emmett narrowed his eyes at me, and Edward laughed.

I couldn't tell what Rosalie's actually reaction to the subject was because she had her Hollywood sunglasses on and was looking down at the water. I don't know why she would even ask him a question like that in the first place. But I had no idea what those two talked about, so I wasn't judging.

"Who was yours, Edward?" Rosalie asked curiously, looking from the water over to Edward. I looked curiously over to gauge his reaction. He blinked and then stared at her before putting both his hands behind his head uncomfortably.

"Who was yours, Rose?"

"Wouldn't you like to know." I rolled my eyes. I'm sure _Rosalie_ would like to know.

Edward looked over at me, his eyes burning. "What about you, Bella?"

Great. This is totally the conversation I wanted to be having right now. You _suck, _Emmett.

"Not applicable."

Edward looked at me funny when I answered. I guess in any of the letters this conversation had never really come up. With good reason of course. His shoulders stiffened a little bit and his face became tense. It was almost like he was a little annoyed.

"What about yourself?" I didn't want to know the answer to the question. I mean really, who would? But I couldn't keep myself from asking regardless.

"Doesn't matter." I was taken aback by the cool dismissal in his tone. I blinked a few times and gave him a look. Okay, Mr. Touchy.

"Well why'd you ask me then?" I asked, quickly getting annoyed with the response I was getting from him.

"I don't know. Let's drop it." Edward threw the football back to Emmett with noticeably more aggression.

"I don't why you're getting worked up about some chick." This was the first time (not including the early morning fishing) that I was legitimately growing annoyed with him. It was weird.

"I don't know why you're still talking about it," Edward retorted. I squinted. Geez, what the hell's up his ass suddenly? I didn't like the tone he was using and I hated the tone I was using.

"I don't know why you're avoiding it."

"I don't know why you're so interested!" I backed off when his tone became more agitated. I was aware of the audience we had and I didn't even know why we were talking about this.

"I'm not," I argued.

"Good," Edward agreed. I turned away and sassed him. Rosalie, who had been watching the whole thing, lifted her sunglasses up and raised an eyebrow at me. I shook my head and fell against the inflated plastic.

Edward was still grouchy when we got out of the water and went inside to get some snacks. I decided not to say anything, waiting for some sort of explanation on his part of why he was so touchy. That decision not to say anything dissolved when I realized _he_ wasn't going to say anything.

I placed my hands firmly on the counter and looked over at him. "Okay, seriously, what's wrong? You freaked out about a simple little question."

"I didn't freak out. Why the fuck are we still talking about this?" I wanted to roll my eyes. I was already exasperated with him. And I was getting frustrated.

"I want to know why you are still worked up about the damn question," I persisted, irritated.

"Because it's none of your business! I don't need to tell you everything." I felt my face scrunch up in displeasure. That stung a little bit. And it pissed me off.

"I know that!"

"I really don't think you do!" Edward crossed his arms after shutting the fridge door with a violent shove. I mirrored his position. "Why the the hell do you want do know the first girl I did?"

I raised an eyebrow, daring him to piss me off further. "You asked me! Just because I didn't have an answer doesn't make the question any different!"

"Exactly!"

That made absolutely no sense. "What the fuck?"

"You know, screw this. This conversation is pointless and going nowhere." I narrowed my eyes at him. In the back of my mind I was wondering where Rosalie and Emmett had hidden.

"Of course you think that. . ." I trailed off angrily when he threw his hands up and started to walk hurriedly away from me to the door. I frowned and hesitated for a split second before catching right up to him.

Carlisle and Esme were under one of the trees sitting in lawn chairs, Carlisle with his laptop and Esme with some feminist trash. They both looked up when Edward and I strode out the doors. I watched as Edward, still keeping up his fast pace threw off his shirt and scooped down to grab a life jacket off the grass. He buckled it up in record time and waded into the shallow water.

Was he serious?

I continued to watch as he slid onto the seat of the slick jet-ski and put the key in the ignition. Before another word could be said or even a glance back at me, he grabbed the throttle roughly and jetted away across the water.

"What the hell was that?" Esme asked at the same time as Carlisle chuckled with a smirk. "Bummer," he said, nodding to Edward who was already halfway across the lake. I stared out at the lake and crossed my arms again.

"What am I supposed to do now?" I asked, not really hoping for Carlisle or Esme to answer. Then I decided exactly what I would do. I bent down, unbuttoned my shorts and unzipped them before pushing them down and kicking them away from my ankles.

"I'm not sure. But I don't think taking your pants off is really going to help. Well it probably would, but I'd rather we keep it clean." Why was he finding this so funny? Esme laughed softly.

"I'll be back in a little bit," I told them as I took off my tank top and grabbed a life jacket. That's right buddy, two can ride a jet-ski.

I laughed to myself as the wind whipped my hair violently away from my face due to the speed. I had gotten the faster jet-ski. And it took Edward about two minutes to figure out that I would win this one. I caught up with him and he waved a white flag of surrender and we had words.

I wasn't sure about much. Especially with the last couple of days spent with Edward. But I did know one thing; I had no clue what I was getting myself into.

And yet somehow, I loved every minute of it.

* * *

_Wait, I'm wrong_  
_Should've done better than this_  
_Please, I'll be strong_  
_I'm finding it hard to resist_

_Save me, I'm lost_  
_Oh Lord I've been waiting for you_  
_I'll pay any cost_  
_Save me from being confused_  
_Show me what I'm looking for_

_Don't let go_  
_I've wanted this far too long_  
_Mistakes become regrets_  
_I've learned to love abuse_  
_Please show me what I'm looking for  
_Show Me What I'm Looking For, Carolina Liar

* * *

-I have a little annoucement. Well really, it's a rant. If you don't like the pace of my story; fine. If you don't like the way I write my characters; whatever. I don't care. If you don't like how I'm explaining things? Or don't like the lack of smut as of now? BYE. I'll see you when I've finished posting this story. I'm not changing a thing I've wrote in the next 30 chapters because of your opinion.  
-With that being said, I write for me. Not any of you. That's not to say that I'm not so fucking thankful for all of you have stuck with me. I couldn't imagine this story without you. I'm just not cateering to you. (Don't take that in a bitchy way.)  
-Finally...Bella and Edward are fine. It was just a small fight. If they didn't have one; they'd be unrealistic. Next chapter, things will be peachy(: I just had to show their changing relationship.

-Sorry for the long ass authors note...(:


	19. Chapter 19

As it turns out the little fight Edward and I got into the day before was just been a tiny bit pointless. Out there on two separate jet-skis in the middle of the lake Edward partially explained why he had reacted the way he did. He had remembered the first girl he'd been with, her name was Carrie, and she was a pretty blonde. But now she was as good as a vegetable. Yep; apparently Carrie fell into a coma a couple years back and her rich family is still waiting for her to wake up.

I wanted to laugh in exasperation. But then I would feel bad. So as he was telling me this I just nodded. He didn't really seem too torn up about this. Infact, he was rather detached. So I was still heavily confused as to why the hell he had reacted the way he did when I answered. I tried to think of anything I had said before he became angry, but I couldn't remember anything. Maybe a turtle bit him. That'd make me crabby.

Edward and I were back into sync again that night and we enjoyed another night around the campfire. Esme raised an eyebrow at me when instead of sitting next to her in the empty lawn chair, I opted to sit in the one next to Edward. I looked at her and shrugged. I was so confused the only thing I could do was roll with it.

The next morning I woke up at about six due to the loud thunder shaking the cabin. When it stormed up here, it stormed with hell's fury. I got out of my warm bed and padded on the carpet to the door. I was disoriented and surprised when I saw Emmett leaning with his elbows on the counter staring out at the grayish green rainy landscape. My yawn alerted him to my presence. He turned his head back to look who it was. I smiled softly in greeting. He gave me a small grin and nod in greeting.

"Do you drink coffee?" I asked barely above a whisper due to Rose sprawled on the futon on the other side of the cabin.

Emmett shook is head still looking out at the storming skies, "Never liked the stuff."

I nodded and went slowly to the cabinet to get a bag of herbal, non caffeinated tea. I found a mug and carefully turned the water spout on to fill it. I put it quietly into the microwave, working around where Emmett was standing. I kept an eye on it, not wanting the ding to go off.

"I love the smell," I commented, following his gaze out the window. It had a screen on it so the glass part of the window opened to let in the noise and smell of summer rain.

"One of those things you miss in Iraq," Emmett agreed faintly. I nodded and we waited there for about a minute. I beat the ding of the microwave and took out the mug and put the bag in to seep it. I decided to leave Emmett and his rain watching in peace. So I went to the closest unoccupied futon and sat down on it. I tucked my feet under me and opened the curtain to see the rain from a more comfortable viewing point.

I looked up from the steaming water to see Emmett coming over to sit across from me on the couch. I propped my elbow on the back of the cushion and laid my head in my hand. I glanced up at him, wondering if he had anything he wanted to say. When he didn't say anything I looked back down at the tea and raised the bag up and down with the string, watching as a dark red swirled around the clear water and a flavorful aroma spread around me, tickling my nose.

I enjoyed having Emmett around. I knew Rose just adored him, and I was glad she'd found someone who was truly decent. I had never really had many discussion with him though.

"Edward's a good guy," Emmett spoke without warning. When I watched him I saw he was still staring out to the lake that was being pelted with tiny drops of water.

"I know that," I said quietly, looking over to see if Rosalie was still out like a light. She was.

"I'm telling you this as a friend, not Edward's wing man," Emmett continued, voice hushed.

I nodded and took a sip of my tea.

"Edward's had some pretty shitty luck in life. He's good a covering it up and acting like he's happy so no one notices." I frowned. I didn't like to hear that Edward has had a rough life. I didn't know exactly what all had happened to him. He's very closed off about his past. And I didn't push, because I haven't told him much about my parents either.

Emmett either didn't see my frown or continued regardless. "I've been around him for a long time now. And seeing him here with you…it's the first time I've seen a difference in him. He's genuinely happy. He's not covering anything up since I've watched him here."

I figured Emmett was telling the truth because I had no reason to doubt what he was saying. I didn't have anything to compare Edward to. No Edward then and Edward now. I couldn't imagine him any other way than he was now. I stopped my mind immediately from drawing horrible conclusions of what exactly happened to Edward.

"I'm glad," I whispered, thinking rather fondly of him.

Emmett turned his gaze away from the rain and looked directly at me. "But I'm not done. And feel free to tell me that I'm out of line when I say this, but there is something...you know...between the two of you."

Again, I nodded, unsure of what I was supposed to say. Somehow, _oh gee thanks! You really think so? _didn't sound right.

"Look Bella, to anyone else your relationship looks downright weird and unconventional. I get that you guys both are facing a few. . .erm. . .issuses with your age and current living statuses. But honestly, I don't know why either of you would be dense enough enough to let whatever you are. . .you know, feeling slide because of fear." I remained silently, listening intently to his unexpected lecture. It would be a lie to say that he hadn't been spot on with guessing why I was so unsure. I didn't know what to think. Emmett had a sensitive side; who knew?

"I'm not trying to go all Yoda on you; I just want you to give him a chance. If that's what you want I mean." It was way too early in the morning to be having this conversation. But I silently thought about what Emmett had just said and then nodded slowly.

"So basically do whatever the fuck I want?" I summed up with the hint of a grin on my face.

"Basically," Emmett grinned back with an approving nod and wink. With Edward and I's relationship at the stage where it was so completely undefined, I was glad that I had his best friend's approval.

We sat there and watched the rain fall until I had finished my tea. It would be raining all day from what the weather forecast said, so I doubted I would be missing anything if I went back to sleep for a couple hours. My yawn gave me away. Emmett yawned shortly after me.

"Might as well go back to bed," he suggested. I agreed and stood up slowly. I set the empty mug on the table and Emmett went towards the direction of the room him and Edward were sharing.

"Hey Emmett?" I asked in a loud whisper. He turned back and looked at me expectantly with raised eyebrows. "Does Edward snore?"

I watched as his shoulders shook up and down with silent laughter as he smirked at me. Then he shook his head and winked at me before opening the door to the bedroom. Good to know, I nodded to myself before crawling back into the comfort of my pillow and blankets.

When I woke up again there was no difference in the sky outside. But when I looked at the clock it said 9:12. So I got out of bed, not bothering to change out of the fleece pants and sweatshirt I had slept in and opened the door to find everyone else already up, looking bright eyed and bushy tailed. Well, with the exception of Rose who was sitting at the table blinking her sleep filled eyes rapidly and looking slightly murderous.

Carlisle and Esme were both already dressed in jeans and casual clothes buzzing around the kitchen. Each of their overnight bags were thrown by the door that leads to the backyard. Edward as sitting at the table across from Rosalie and next to Emmett. The guys were each nursing a can Mt. Dew.

"Morning," I said to no one in particular as I stretched my arms across my body and yawned. Rosalie grunted in acknowledgment and Esme gave me a wave without even looking in my direction. Edward smiled warmly at me, already showered and looking fresh in his ARMY gray t-shirt and a pair of jeans.

I plopped down in the chair next to Edward and slouched against it. He grinned at my tiredness and took another drink of his pop. I smiled groggily back and then looked over at Carlisle. He was flipping pan cakes on the stove and Esme was next to him cutting up fruit.

"Why are your bags packed?" I asked him. Carlisle looked up from the food and followed my gaze to the bags.

"One of Esme's new employees who planned her first outdoor wedding called this morning in. . . well it wasn't really tears. . .more like sobs. Es agreed to get over there and make sure things run smoothly for the afternoon wedding. So we're heading out after breakfast." Sucks for that bride. I shrugged indifferently and nodded.

Minutes later steaming food was set in front of us on the table and we all dug into the meal. I was in the middle of devouring my pancake with wild berry syrup when Esme spoke up.

"So Emmett, how long will you be here?"

I watched both Emmett and Rosalie curiously. Rosalie frowned and stared intently down at the fruit that she was currently eating and stabbed a blueberry particularly roughly. Emmett started to frown but then caught himself and his mouth moved to a flat line. His shoulders on the other hand, tensed.

"I'm here for one more week. My flight leaves a week from today," he answered. I wasn't sure if Esme was oblivious –I doubted that- or if she was empathic and didn't want to dwell on the subject.

"You'll be here for 4th of July! I'm glad! Do you two have any plans?" Esme continued cheerily. I was glad Edward and Emmett wouldn't be in Iraq for Independence Day. Alice and Jasper wouldn't be either come to think of it. I had completely forgotten that they would be arriving on leave in just a couple days.

Emmett looked at Rose who looked up from her plate. She shook her head and Emmett nodded. Even though Esme had seen the exchange Emmett still answered, "No, we don't."

Esme nodded and raised an eyebrow at no one in particular, her lips pursed twice. I knew that look. That was Esme's idea look. I glanced over at Carlisle who was looking at his wife. We both knew that look and wanted to know what her current plan was. It was like you could hear the gears turning in her hand.

"How would you two like to come up here, to the cabin? The four of us will be up here." Hmm, I was disappointed; normally her ideas were a little more exciting. Honestly, I had been hoping for something with a tiger in it. But Esme continued, "If your friends Jasper and Alice haven't made any plans you could sure ask them if they would like to join us. We have plenty of room." And there it was.

Edward nodded considering the idea. Rosalie shrugged but a small smile tugged and her lips and Emmett was nodding slowly, approving greatly by the looks of it. I on the other hand positively beamed. I fucking loved 4th of July.

"_I_ would like that." The rest of them nodded in agreement with me and Esme smiled brilliantly.

"I'll text Jasper later," Emmett piqued.

"I'll be a great 4th," Esme smiled, her eyes twinkling brightly.

Just like they said, Carlisle and Esme were out of the cabin right after breakfast was done. I mean literally right after. . . again leaving us to do the dishes. Emmett and Edward were forced to do them while Rose and I played a card game. War.

I got dressed in a different sweatshirt from the soccer team and threw on a pair of jeans. I placed a thin headband in my hair to push it away from my face and decided to screw makeup.

Edward and Emmett were in the garage and Rosalie was taking a shower. I opened the door leading outside and sprinted through the rain to where the hammock was nestled under the protection of the two trees. It was dry as the desert when I laid down on it. It was chilly out here but it was nice, it smelt like summer rain, and the constant pour of it was soothing.

I don't know how much time had passed. It couldn't have been more then ten minutes. Edward opened the door that I had come out of. I watched as he scanned the yard and lake until his eyes located where I was lying. I gave him a little wave. He smiled before looking up at the sky. Then he ran through the yard in my direction until he got under the protection of the trees.

"Hey snicker doodle," he said breathlessly with a dazzling grin. I smiled at the name. He ran his hand through his hair that had just gotten rained on. "This seat taken?" he asked while he gestured to the empty space on the hammock next to me. I slid over to make room, just like last weekend.

"I like the rain," Edward said softly staring out at the lawn.

"Me too," I agreed. I turned on my side and propped my head up to face him. He turned away from where he was looking and then mirrored my position. Our denim covered legs fell together and rested against one another.

The only sound for a whole minute was the steady pour of rain on the leaves and lake. We stared at each other. This morning when Rosalie was staring down her fruit while Emmett talked about leaving it made me panic and empathize with her. Edward wasn't going to be here forever. He wouldn't be here for long at all. And I didn't want to forget a single thing about him. So I studied his face, I memorized his eyes and put his small smile in my memory.

"Bella," his voice broke me out of my gazing. I blinked and looked into his eyes. His voice was gentle, and, almost vulnerable.

"Yeah?" I asked quietly.

I watched as his shaven jaw shifted back and forth, something he did when he was at a loss for words. And that wasn't often. I didn't wonder when it came to Edward talking. I waited.

"These past two or so weeks have been some of the best of my life," Edward started. His eyes traveled past mine and looked off to nothing in particular. I gave him a small encouraging smile. I wasn't going to interrupt him, especially because he sounded like he had something important to say.

"I. . .Bella, this morning when Emmett and Rose were talking about him going back. It made me think of me having to go back in a couple weeks. . .when I was on the plane coming here, I didn't ever think it would be that difficult to leave you after a month. But then I saw you, standing amongst the crowd at the airport and," he paused for a milisecond, his eyes locking with mine, "everything changed. And now, I. . . now I don't know what I'm doing anymore."

I watched him as he put himself out there with that beautiful speech and now he was completely exposed. And soldiers are never exposed. I had only hoped that this is what he had been thinking about. I wanted to reach out and wrap my arms around him. I wanted him to hug me and everything to be good and make sense. Instead I tentatively reached out with my free hand and brushed stray strands away from his forehead tenderly. I let my hand rest lightly on the side of his face as he kept his eyes on mine.

Edward took another breath to steady his voice. "I really like you Bella, I know I shouldn't, I know nothing can happen, and if it does it will only cause you pain. But I. . .I don't know why I feel this way, but something's right. It's like I never really lived until I met you, I didn't know so much was missing until you came into my life."

I opened my mouth hesitantly to speak but he started to talk again, looking slightly panicked now, "I don't mean to freak you out. I mean, I totally get it if I'm being completely out of line. I didn't come here expecting this. I really didn't. I just. . .fuck, I just, I don't know what I'm doing. I just know I can't keep sitting around wasting another day of you not knowing how I feel."

I closed my eyes and took a cleansing breath when I opened them I stared into his anxious eyes as I spoke. "Edward, I. . .I don't know how I'm going to let you go back to Iraq. I feel so much for you, and it's honestly freaking me out. All I know is that I want you in my life even if that means pain for me. You are worth it."

I hated exposing myself just as much as Edward did. Admitting fear is not something I did, because it made me feel weak. Maybe that was why I was so insanely sarcastic most of the time. Edward made me feel so vulnerable and so safe at the same time.

"I'm scared shitless," I whispered.

Edward let out a low chuckle, "Tell me about it." Involuntarily I licked my lower lip and continued to stare at him. He leaned forward, towards my face while my heart started to pound loudly. My eyes darted nervously to his lips which were making their descent towards mine.

Edward pressed lips softly against mine. It was just a light touch, one full of promises. He pulled back after a moment and searched my eyes, looking for something unknown to me. Whatever he was looking for he seemed to have found. He pressed his lips gently, yet firmly against mine. I pressed my mouth back against his my lips parting for him.

He took my lower lip between his soft lips and sucked softly. I shivered in pleasure and closed my eyes all the while pushing my face closer to his. Tentatively I ran my tongue over his top lip. Edward stilled for a moment and I was about to open my eyes when I felt him resume kissing me, now with more rigorousness than before. I moved the hand that wasn't holding my head up to his hair that had started to grow out longer since he got here. I ran my hand through the soft locks holding his head close to mine. His own free hand slid under my sweatshirt and rested on my side firmly, not going any higher.

Edward's warm tongue slid into my mouth. My toes curled at the sensation. I kissed him back with spirit as the gentleness of the first kiss dissolved. It dissolved into passion, and hunger. Edward's mouth was no longer gentle; instead he was kissing me roughly, kindling a lust that shouldn't have surprised me. Responding on instinct I pulled myself closer to him. His grip on my side tightened possessively as he shifted closer to me.

The rain continued to pour around us. But Edward and I, right now, we were safe from the storm. We were under our own awning blocking out all the harsh elements and staying dry. I wished that we would be able to stay here forever. But the rain would continue and eventually we would need to brave it out and run through the water hoping we didn't get too wet. And we would get to shelter, but waiting at that shelter will be Emmett and Rosalie, eyebrows raised and silent questions on their mouths. We'll be safe from the storm, but not alone together.

I continued to kiss Edward until he softly pulled away. My eyes fluttered open as my chest raised up and down, filling with the air I hadn't got while kissing him. Edward fell back on the hammock next to me, bringing his hand away from my side and placing it on his own chest.

After both of us had regained our breaths Edward turned to look at me. I stared curiously at him. He smiled at me, and that smile assured me that everything would be all right. He was all in on this. I smiled back with soft happiness back at him. He moved forward and placed a reverent kiss on my forehead, his lips lingering against my skin, unwilling to break the connection we had in that moment.

We didn't have to brave the storm just yet.

* * *

_It's like I never lived_  
_Before my life with you_  
_So much was missing here_  
_I never even knew_  
_I still picture the place we were_  
_When I fell into your world_

_I don't know why feel this way_  
_But something's right_  
_You're like the morning air _  
_Before the light arrives_  
_No more lonely and_  
_No more night_  
_No more secrets to hide  
_Keeping Me Alive, The Afters

* * *

-Aww. Finally! Took me long enough, huh?  
-I want to apologize for my bitching last chapter, you guys are SO awesome, and you didn't deserve my frustration for a few a few people. Thank you so much for sticking with me(:  
-Sorry this chapter is a little rough editting wise. I betaed (betad? hmm.) it myself since my lovely sister has been working nonstop.  
-Oh. Well I'm at it...any puppy name ideas? If Edward was to say (hypothetically of course;) get Bella dog. Lemme know your ideas(:


	20. Chapter 20

Shout out to my beta SimplyDazzling! She's back and you won't have to suffer through my poor grammar any more(;  
Oh. And Ares? Guys, he's still with the gang, and he's going to live with Bella when he goes back. But come on...who doesn't want two dogs?

* * *

I decided to ride home in Rose's car from the cabin that day, the day of the kiss. Edward and Emmett took my truck and Ares. It was Sunday, and we only stayed at the cabin for the weekend. I called Carlisle in the car and asked if he wanted to go golfing when we got home since the rain had stopped. I didn't want to go with Rose because she was just dying to ask questions, so he made a tee time.

After Edward and I kissed, I was feeling pretty damn good about life and whatnot. We stayed on the hammock, close to each other for awhile. I was feeling some serious bliss at that point. Edward had told me that he liked me, he said beautiful words about his life before and I told him I had feelings for him too. Who wouldn't be ecstatic at that point?

But I can never think objectively about Edward when I'm with Edward. And I really was in need of some objective thinking. That's why I was riding home with Rosalie. I doubt she saw the kiss; she would have definitely said something had she seen it. But just because she didn't see it didn't mean that she didn't have a shitload of other questions. I had to give her credit though, she was practicing restraint on the way home.

I informed Edward that Carlisle and I were going to go golfing. He was waiting for Ares to do his business, standing out in the lawn when I told him. I tried to make it sound like nothing was bothering me, but I think came off cold. His eyebrows furrowed in slight concern when I told him. His eyes searched mine and silently asked if something was wrong. I pretended not to notice.

Edward nodded after I didn't say anything else. "Have fun," he told me with half halfheartedness due to his confusion. I gave him an apologetic look before turning to go in the house and change clothes. _Sorry buddy, you have no idea what you're getting into with me._

Carlisle somehow sensed that I wasn't in a chatting mood when he was driving to the course. I stared out the window not commenting on anything. I had way too much on my mind to exchange pleasantries. And he accepted that easily. I was a teenage girl. . .would _you_ argue?

I formed a mental list while Carlisle was teeing up on the first hole. I was good at lists; they helped me organize and gather my bearings. The list consisted of the past week. . .

_I found Ares and Edward's motorcycle_. Okay, that was a friendly thing to do.

_Rosalie told me Edward was really sexy_. Well. . .I already knew that.

_Emmett and Edward have mysterious conversation_. I still wondered what they had talked about, though I had some pretty decent guesses.

_Edward started to get very flirty_. No comment there.

_Edward kissed my neck and shoulder on a table full of fish guts_. Who would have thought fish guts could be romantic?

_Emmett interrupted kiss. _Not a very relevant point, but regardless I found Emmett as annoying as Rose.

_Emmett remembers the first girl he slept with_. Why was Emmett on this list so much?

_When asked about this, Edward gets agitated._ Had I said something else to make him mad? I felt like I had but I had no clue what.

_Edward takes off on a jet-ski._ The slow jet-ski. Things are resolved regardless.

_Emmett tells me to give Edward a chance_. Aw, Emmett has a soft side.

_And finally Edward tells me he likes me and we have a very hot kiss_. Hence the list now.

I think that was a fair summary of what had transpired in the last week. Now I just needed to know what to make of it. We were on the 4th hole when I thought about the kiss. I smiled while I swung the club. That was a damn good kiss. But at the same time, I felt like that kiss was wrong.

Edward was 22. I was 17 for another week. That's a five year age difference. In the world of people in their 20's and 30's, that wasn't that big of deal. But seeing as how I was in high school. . .Yeah, it was kind of a big deal. He was in the army; he was my pen pal to put it lightly. You didn't go making out with your pen pal who was visiting you and your family on his leave. Well apparently _I _do, I guess.

Emmett seemed to know that's where my thoughts were at the time. _Basically do whatever the hell I want_. I wish it was that simple. I knew Edward was a good guy and I knew he cared about me. If only we could leave it at that.

But it all came down to one question. Did I want to be with Edward; did I want him to be my boyfriend? Or did I want him to stay my friend? At least until I had life figured out.

The obvious answer would be yes, I would love to be in a relationship with Edward. But that involved so much. He would be leaving in a few weeks and he wouldn't be coming back for a year. What's worse, he would be leaving to a war zone for a year. I didn't know if I could handle that intense worry for that long.

It wasn't something a normal senior in high school had to think about. They were thinking about AP classes, the sports they were captains of, colleges, graduation, and senior prom. Which I wouldn't have a date to. And when I said AP classes. . .I really meant it. I was taking five. If I was able to pass the exams at the end of the year with a 3 or 4 (I'd already passed four), I would have my first year of college done. That was incredibly stressful, but I had brought that upon myself.

I wanted to think I could handle that. But the truth was, no matter how much convincing I could do to myself, it would still be way too much for me. I was a strong person, I could get through anything, but I didn't want a relationship with Edward to feel like a task, just another thing on a list. And I didn't want him thinking about me when he should be focusing on staying alive.

Which made me wonder if everything would be better and easier if we waited until his tour in Iraq was over. I would be done with high school and he would be home. Objectively that would be the best choice. But I wanted to be with Edward. I didn't want to dangle over that line of friends or a couple. Especially for another whole year. I would rather have him 9000 miles away than not have him at all.

The stay-friends-forever thing was so completely out.

I was running out of options here.

The rational part of my brain was telling me that I should just talk this over with Edward. He should have a say in any decision. But I knew if I did talk with him, he would have much more than a say. Whether he meant to or not I would probably agree with anything he suggested. But then again, maybe he had a better solution than the shitty ones I'd been coming up with.

I went back to my original train of thought. I hadn't factored in my family and friends. Senior year was going to be a stress – throw in a boyfriend and it's just down right insane. But I had Rose, I had Esme, and I had Carlisle. They all loved me and could keep me sane; even if that was impossible.

And that led me back to the wait a year choice. It seemed to have so much more pros than cons than the other one. It sounded easier when you put the two together and factored in all the other obstacles. But was easier always better? I didn't think so in this case. Well, hell, I didn't know what I was thinking.

I frowned. Good Lord, I needed a shrink.

On the 17th hole I came to a decision. It wasn't really a decision more of an impasse really. . .which didn't make sense considering you needed two people for an impasse. . .Yeah. Um, I needed some serious sleep. Regardless of the fact that my sanity was slowly but surely slipping away from me, I made the choice to give Edward some space. Even if he didn't want it, it was for my benefit anyway. Even if that made no sense at all.

I would continue to weigh the pros and cons of all the choices. And hopefully I would come to an actual decision regarding the matter. And if that didn't work. . .I'd flip a coin?

To sum it up; I was just as fucking confused when we left the golf course than when we arrived. . .four hours ago. I wasn't good at multiple choice questions. I liked _True_ of _False_ so much more.

We pulled into the driveway to see that Esme was home from her wedding. Carlisle offered to bring my clubs into the garage. I accepted his offer and apologized for the lack of attention I paid today. He looked over at me with a sly grin. "Are you kidding? That was one of my best rounds! It's nice when you finally shut up once and awhile," he teased. I cracked a smile despite my mood and rolled my eyes.

"I'm glad I could help," I responded sarcastically. He held up his hand in a fist and I bumped mine to his with a smile before getting out of the truck and going inside.

Edward was sitting at the counter with his shoe up, tying the laces. He was wearing a gray sweatshirt and athletic shorts. I looked over to see Esme was wearing running clothes. She was flipping through a magazine while Edward finished getting his shoes on.

"Oh Bella," Esme smiled when she noticed me walking in. I slid out of my golf shoes and gave her a false smile that she seemed to accept. "We were just going to go running since the rain has cleared up a bit," she informed me, going back to her magazine.

Against my better judgment, I looked over at Edward who was looking at Esme while she was talking and then looked over at me. He raised his eyebrows at me while he gave me a once over. I didn't respond to his quizzical face. "Yeah, you should come with us," Edward said after a moment.

That totally defeated the purpose of giving myself space. "I–" I was about to say I had homework. That would have gone over nicely. "I have to send the school the days Rosalie and I decided for captain's practice," I instead finished lamely. Luckily I wasn't exactly an awful liar.

"You have to do that right now?" Esme asked with a raised eyebrow, a very pointed raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, they want to print the sheets out tomorrow." _. . .Or two weeks from tomorrow._

"Okay. Ready to go, Edward?" Esme accepted my answer easily.

Edward, on the other hand, looked at me one last time, looking for any signs of distress on my face. He mouthed "you okay?" I shrugged and then nodded. Esme was already jogging out the door so Edward had no choice but to sigh and follow her out to the garage.

I called it an early night. I went to bed at nine; hell, if it hadn't been overcast it would have still been sunny out. But really, sleep was the only thing I wanted to do. It didn't involve thought. It just involved me looking at the inside of eyelids. Edward sensed something was off at dinner and stopped asking questions. The only good thing about being a girl; you could attribute almost anything to PMS. I'm sure that's what my family was doing now.

The next day I was as resolved as I had been yesterday. I decided, even though I didn't want to, it would be best if I spent another day avoiding Edward. Tomorrow I would have everything figured out, I was sure of it.

Don't get me wrong. I hated being the whiny little girl who had an amazing man in front of her but was to dense to see it. That was not me. It wasn't a question of being with Edward, it was the question of when exactly that was going to happen.

I'm sure some would say I was being immature about it. But in reality, I was a few days short of 18. Eighteen year olds had to deal with so much shit. I couldn't defend my distance from Edward because in all honesty, I wasn't sure what I was doing myself.

Edward came into my bedroom after I didn't come down for breakfast. Carlisle and Esme both left for work at 7 in the morning. And I realized that when Edward was knocking on my door. I felt bad for leaving him and the dog alone. I was supposed to be having fun with him. But I just needed a little more time.

"Are you feeling okay?" Edward asked as he hesitantly peaked his head through a crack of the door. It would have looked a lot better if I had been lying in bed. But I was sitting on the couch with my lap top on my lap. Fully dressed.

"Um, yeah, I'm fine," I told him, looking up from the computer.

"Oh okay, well, do you want to do something? I kind of want some ice cream." I bit down on my lip as Edward ran his hand through his hair, like he was nervous. I wanted ice cream, it sounded really good actually.

He wanted ice cream. Part of me was awing at how freaking cute and boyish he looked standing in front of me asking for sweets. The other part of me was just, well. . .a bitch.

"Can we go later? I have to finalize my soccer coach's design for our new jerseys." Again. . .it wasn't a total lie. I did have to approve the jerseys. . .he hadn't sent me the design yet, but that didn't really matter if Edward didn't know that.

"Yeah, okay, sure. I'll be down there," he turned uncomfortably around and pointed to the hallway and then just mumbled a "yeah," and went back out, closing the door softly behind him. I smiled emptily and went back on the keyboard.

I went downstairs after about an hour. It was lunch time and I was wondering what I should make. I was leaning towards an instant meal as I was heading down the stairs. To my surprise however, Edward was already in the kitchen buttering some bread. There was lettuce, cheese, ham, tomatoes and various other garnishes on the counter.

"That must have been some design to decide on," Edward smiled up at me briefly before concentrating back on his task. I was glad he wasn't looking at me, I was blushing. I couldn't decide if he knew I had been lying or if he was just making conversation.

Edward put a delicious looking sandwich on a plate in front of me a couple minutes later. I grinned and went to devour it as he sat down on the stool next to mine and started to eat his own creation. Instead of being a creep and watching him eat, I stared out the kitchen window leading to the backyard.

"So, Emmett and I were wanting to take you and Rosalie somewhere. . .you interested?" Edward spoke after he swallowed a bite. I looked up at him, his greens brimming with sweetness.

"For the whole afternoon?" I would have to turn him down, but I wanted to make it seem like I was at least considering it.

"A good chunk of it."

"Oh, I have a golf lesson at the course today." Now I was outright lying and I was starting to feel awful. Edward nodded slowly. He looked back down at this sandwich, trying to hide is disappointment. I frowned and bit down on my lip once again.

"Did I do something to make you mad?" he asked, looking back up from his food. His eyes were remorseful for something that he didn't even do. My heart clenched. I made a promise I wouldn't lie to him anymore. "Look. . .I'm sorry I kissed you, I swear I won't–"

"No! Of course not! Please don't apologize for that. I do _not_ regret it. I just have a lot on my mind right now. Sorry." That was totally truthful! I could do this shit. Easy peezy lemon squeezy.

Edward didn't look entirely convinced. "You're sure?" he checked. I nodded, trying to appear cheerful. "Well okay." Still not convinced.

"You guys go have fun," I smiled falsely, trying to sound enthused for them. It didn't sound that bad fortunately for me.

"Well okay, they'll be here in like ten minutes."

I nodded and finished my sandwich in silence. I was washing the very little dishes we used when there was a honk outside. Ares barked sharply from the spot he was laying by the sun. Edward turned and waved before going out the door without another word. Ares barked again, this time softer. I looked over at him. "What the hell am I supposed to do, Ares?"

Ares lifted his head and tilted it to the side before laying it back down on his paws and staring at me. The door that Edward had just exited through opened abruptly and I jumped in fright. Ares again barked loudly. I shushed him when I saw that it was only Rose.

"Normal people knock," I said sourly, glaring at her for freaking me out. She rolled her eyes and sat down on one of the stools. "What? What are you even doing here? I thought you, Edward, and Emmett were going somewhere."

"We were," Rosalie sung in an irritated voice. "We were until Edward came out to the car without you. I asked where you were and he said you had a golf lesson. I said no she doesn't. He looked at me and said 'I assumed that much.'" I opened my mouth to defend myself but Rosalie held up a hand to cut me off. "What the hell does that mean? And that's what I asked him. He said you had been ignoring him for the entire day, and some of yesterday. An–" I cut Rosalie off sheepishly.

"Distancing. Not ignoring." She narrowed her eyes, not appreciating my correction.

"Regardless I told them to go ahead without me while I came in here to knock some sense into my dense friend," she finished, huffing.

"Did Emmett appreciate that rhyme?" I asked, ignoring everything else she just said and smirking.

"Yes. I got a high five," Rosalie informed me snobbishly. "And now you're going to tell me why the fuck you are _distancing_ yourself from Edward." She made finger quotes around the word distancing.

I sighed. Then I went to stand across from her at the counter. I placed my hands firmly on the cool granite and thought about what I would say.

"Look, it's a little more complicated than what you're saying, you don't know everything that happen–" Rosalie interrupted me. I had almost forgotten that neither one of us could ever finish a sentence when we were together.

"Is this about the kiss? Yeah yeah, don't look so surprised. Emmett looked out the window and saw you two turning up the heat on the hammock yesterday. Way to be discreet," she complimented sarcastically as I gapped at her. Of course it was Emmett who saw us.

I closed my mouth and shook my head. "No, it's not just the kiss. It's everything. I don't think you'd get it." Rosalie raised an offended eyebrow and gave me a, _you have got to be kidding look_.

"Really?" she asked rhetorically in a monotone voice. I gave her a shrug.

"Think about it Rose, he's leaving. He's to be gone. Away. Not here." I said slowly, trying to get this through to her even though I knew she was totally aware of the fact. "You know it be smarter to wait until he got back."

"Bullshit," Rosalie sighed like I really was dense. "Do you want to know what I think? No, scratch that. Do you want to know what I _know_?" She didn't give me an opportunity to answer. "When you kissed, you thought about what it would be like, being with Edward. You realized it'd be as easy as fucking blinking! And that totally freaked you out."

Those words were spoken so surely and so positive. I knew Rose didn't have a doubt in her mind that she was right about this. And I had to admit when Rosalie was sure, she was generally right.

I gave up while Rose was staring at me. It had been less than 24 hours and I was already waving the white flag of surrender.

I couldn't distance myself. I was already too far past that stage, I was already so invested in Edward that I couldn't change my mind now. And she was right. Being with Edward in the long run was the easiest thing I had ever done in my life. I couldn't keep considering the odds, or the pros of cons. I had just wasted a day of time with him that I wouldn't get back now.

Screw lists. I wanted to be with Edward. And I didn't give a damn what anyone else had to say about it.

* * *

_So she said, "What's the problem baby?"_  
_What's the problem I don't know_  
_Well maybe I'm in love, think about it every time_  
_I think about it, can't stop thinking 'bout it_

_How much longer will it take to cure this_  
_Just to cure it 'cause I can't ignore it if it's love_  
_Makes me wanna turn around and face me_  
_But I don't know nothing about love  
_Accidentally in Love, Counting Crows

* * *

-For those of you about to analyze the shit out of this, relax. Bella's reaction has nothing to do with her age or ability to be in a relationship. She's a woman. We change our minds. All the time.  
-Edward and Emmett's afternoon plans? Paintball fight. That damn Bella...  
-NOW, for all of those following me on Twitter, you know I dropped a hint or two about Edward's past. Edward's past is going to be focused on in the last...12ish chapters. Trust me...right now I'm going to keep it simple. However, why you guys think Edward joined the army?


	21. Chapter 21

Thank you to my beta SimplyDazzling!

* * *

"Nuh uh, nope. Sorry, not happening," I protested profusely.

Edward was standing on the driveway, holding out his hands in question, a lazy, amused grin on his face. He happened to be standing next to his freshly imported black, glossy motorcycle. Normally I would have been noticing how attractive he looked in his snug white t-shirt and jeans, but right now I was staring down the death trap. It had just arrived yesterday and Edward had just about peed his pants. And then called Emmett like he was in second grade; they squealed in excitement together.

Well maybe not squealing, but it had been pretty damn close.

"It's perfectly safe, Bella," he assured me, letting his hands fall as he took a step toward me. I just tilted my head forward and raised an eyebrow at the bike, continuing to assess it.

"That's what the makers of the motorcycle want you to think! So you'll buy one." I argued, talking like I would to a stubborn three year old, still not bringing myself to look away.

"If I crash, I give you permission to kick my ass," Edward promised with a crooked grin.

"If you crashed I would not wait for your permission," I promised in return, crossing my arms. Finally I looked up at Edward away from the bike. For some reason he was amused by my resistance to get on the motorcycle.

"Come on, drama queen," Edward rolled his eyes and turned to go over to his baby. He swung onto the leather and looked over at me, my feet planted firmly on the cement. "Before the next ice age please."

"Fine," I grudgingly caved in. Only because I still felt bad for ignoring him on Monday. It was now Wednesday, and this was the last time I would agree to do something out of remorse.

Edward grinned at me and held out the helmet. It was a huge helmet that looked really heavy. And stylish. It was all shiny black with a tinted visor attached to it. I grabbed it from his outstretched hand with two hands. I pushed my hair behind my shoulders and pulled the helmet on over my head.

"Cute," Edward smiled in approval. I rolled my eyes. "It makes you look really tough," he added with a sure nod.

"Don't push it, buddy," I warned him. He chuckled and slid forward in the seat.

Without anything but my life to lose, I swung my leg over the one side and sat down on the seat behind him. There was a reason I didn't like motorcycles. And one of them was the fact that there was nothing but a narrow strip of seat to hang onto. I was a little more willing to give it a shot now that I had a U.S. soldier to hang on to. But I still wasn't thrilled about it.

"You might want to hang on," Edward warned. I couldn't see him as he was turning the monster on, but I heard an undeniable smile in his voice. I rolled my eyes exasperatedly.

The engine roared to life and Edward slowly rolled out of the driveway. I place my hands lightly on each of his sides, just like I would if I was riding on a jet-ski. The explosion of movement caught me by surprise as Edward ripped out onto the street. Without a second thought I wrapped my arms as far around his torso as I could, crushing his back to my chest. I heard his musical laughter through the wind and I wanted to kick him. I would have had I not thought it would kill us both. Jackass.

I had no idea where we were going. I knew it was around lunch time, but that didn't really mean anything to me. It only took a few minutes before Edward was turning out to the highway. I raised two eyebrows even if he couldn't see them. I wasn't expecting how much faster the bike could go. He accelerated when we rolled out onto the highway. My thighs squeezed around him involuntarily due to the unexpected burst of speed. If he said anything about it I would kick him, despite the possible dire consequences.

We weren't on the highway for long – thank God – before Edward turned off to an exit. He continued to slow down as he turned on several different roads as if he knew area like the back of his hand. We seemed to be traveling up a hill. When he finally stopped, it was at the end of the road and I knew where we were. Rosalie and I had hiked up this road a couple years back. You could see a good half of the city from up here, surrounded by the various trees.

There was patchy grass growing in through the dirt. In a certain area, under the protection of a giant maple tree, was a blanket laid on the ground in the grassiest area of the spot. On that blanket was a simple picnic basket that I was pretty convinced came from somewhere in my house.

I stared at the beautiful and romantic setting. Edward had done this for me; even after I had been so rude to him, after he opened up to me. I was overwhelmed with gratitude, and I felt so cared for by the man I was currently clutching; even after he killed the engine. I removed one arm from him and pulled the bulky helmet off of my head, lightly setting it on the ground. Then I wrapped the arm back around him, hugging him purely because that's what I wanted to do.

"Thank you," I whispered against his t-shirt. He put his hands on my thighs and ran them up and down comfortingly. I shivered at the feeling of our bare skin brushing against one another.

I hugged him for another minute. It was one of those perfect moments. You know, the kind where you see in movies with a violin playing in the background? Or in a Nicholas Sparks novel? It was strange, yet amazing having one of those moments to yourself.

"Hungry?" Edward asked quietly, not daring to break the spell of the moment by raising his voice.

I nodded against his shirt and he chuckled. Regrettably I released my arms from around him and slid off the side of the motorcycle, Edward following suit. I started to walk towards the blanket when Edward snatched my hand and laced his fingers through mine. I smiled shyly at the ground as we walked slowly.

Edward took a seat against the trunk of the tree and I laid down on my stomach across the blanket. I wasn't aware that from the angle I was at, Edward could get quite a good view down my shirt. If I had been I would have noticed the way Edward adverted his eyes from anywhere other than my face.

I watched with growing amusement as Edward pulled out two foil wrapped sandwiches with a logo from the local deli. He pulled out two bottles of _Snapple_ and a plastic container full of various fruit. And a box of Girl Scout cookies! Well I was positive I just fell in love.

"Where did you snag a box of those in June?" I asked curiously, picking the box up to examine it.

"I didn't snag it. It was forced upon me; by a little demon Girl Scout outside of the deli. I'm quite certain I paid much more than expected for it," he reported with irritation. I laughed. Edward looked up and smiled at me.

"I love that sound; your laugh." I blushed while unthinkingly tucking my stray hair behind my ear. I looked down as Edward chuckled softly. He unwrapped the foil of one sub and handed it to me with a grin.

We ate leisurely in light conversation. And while I liked the easy aspect of that, I felt like Edward had a little more on his mind than Alice and Jasper's arrival tomorrow. And I was anxious to do so as well. I wanted to explain to an extent of what my dilemma had been. But I would wait for him to bring it up.

After we had both consumed more than our fair share of food, Edward leaned back against the tree. I had sat up by this point and was watching him curiously.

"Come here," he requested softly, opening up his arms for me. Without hesitation I shuffled over and adjusted my body so that I was leaning against his chest. After I was settled, he wrapped his arms around me lightly and rested them on my stomach. I brought my own hands up and put them on his as my head rested over the spot where his heart was.

"I don't want to assume, but I think you know what I'm asking about," Edward said lightly. There wasn't judgment or accusation in his voice, just a quiet need to understand.

"You mean when I blatantly ignored you?" I guessed, turning my head up to look at him. His lips formed the hint of a smile at my phrasing and he nodded, looking down at me. I settled back against him.

"Yeah. . .sorry about that," I said sheepishly, not knowing how the hell I was going to explain what had been running through my head.

"Don't. I understand. But I would honestly like to know if I did anything to upset you."

"No, it wasn't you. Definitely not you," I assured him certainly. Edward waited as I mulled over what to add to that. Turns out Edward wasn't exactly that patient.

"Was it someone else? Did Emmett say something about me? Because believe me, I have a ton of stories to tell about his ass." I giggled under my breath at his accusation.

"No, Emmett didn't do anything. . ._this time_. I just panicked, and I didn't exactly deal with it as well as I should have. It's a sad day when it's Rosalie Hale who has to knock sense into you." Now it was Edward who laughed.

"What freaked you out?" I resisted the urge to shiver as his head bent closer to mine and his voice came from closer to my ear.

"You," I sighed. I wiggled my toes due to his proximity.

"No need for flattery," Edward teased sarcastically. I was relieved at how well this was going. I was extremely impressed with Edward's patience.

"I got freaked out about the thought of you being here one day, and gone for another year."

Edward took this in silently. His arms tightened the tiniest bit around me, so small that I doubt he even noticed he was doing it. I resisted the need to see his face, and see how he was taking this.

"Remember when I told you that everything changed when I saw you?" Edward asked, his voice unreadable. "Well I still hold on to that statement. It will be exceedingly difficult for me to get back on a plane to Iraq. But I understand if you don't want this," he gave me a little squeeze, "to happen just yet. I'll do my best to keep my feelings in check better."

I was about to nod – wait. What? I ran over his choice of words, and then mine before. Oh.

I rushed to explain. "No, no, no! I want this. I want to be with you. But I was avoiding you because I wasn't sure what I wanted. I thought about all the reasons we shouldn't be together right now, and I realized how much better for both of us it would be if we didn't do anything until your tour is completed. The cons outweighed the pros by a lot. But I didn't give a shit; I want to throw logic out the freaking window and be with you. _Right now_," I emphasized. I turned to look up at him after I finished my little rant. I watched his jaw shift back and forth and his eyes stare out over the landscape. He nodded and smiled down at me brilliantly

"Wait. . .what did you mean 'in check better'?" I asked curiously.

"Hasn't it been obvious? I started liking you the minute I heard you speak. It was really fucking hard to try and downplay all the shit I was feeling for you. I mean, when you got Ares for me. . .God, I just wanted to spin you around and kiss you. Instead I believe I said thanks and smiled at you. Nice, huh?"

Well this was news to me! I beamed at him, the hint of teasing in my voice. "The minute I spoke?"

"The very minute," he said with a cocky, crooked grin. I moved so that I was kneeling in between his legs. I leaned forward; surprised by the confidence I had gotten with his compliment. I pressed my lips softly against his first and then pulled back, looking into his eyes.

"Hmm, enticing, who would have guessed?" he breathed against my lips, his own forming back into a grin. Before I could respond to that remark, his lips came crashing against mine. I adjusted myself while our lips moved in sync so that I was kneeling at an angle slightly above him.

My hands found their way up his chest until they were resting on his shoulders. I moved them up farther as my mind surrendered. They rested below his jaw on his neck. This happened while Edward placed his hands firmly on my hips, pulling me closer to him.

That position didn't hold for long. Edward roughly, yet still carefully, guided me down against the blanket, all the while continuing to kiss me. I straightened my legs out as he pressed against my body, covering it with his own. I bit lightly down on his lower lip and ran my tongue over it. A low moan came from his throat and he responded with even more rigorousness.

It didn't last long because soon we were both so out of breath that it wasn't even funny. Edward shifted the portion of his weight that had been resting on me away when he rolled to my side. I opened my mouth and gasped for air like a fish flopping around on a boat. It took longer than it should have, getting my breath back that is.

"I thought you were in shape," I commented with a smirk as soon as I was able to breathe through my nose again.

"I've worked out like twice in the time I've been here. I've been too busy with you. Training is going to kick my ass in a couple weeks." He had gotten his breathing under control, and now he was facing me, propping his head up on his hand. "What about you? Shouldn't you be in better in shape?"

"You just wait until September rolls around; I can run 10 miles without stopping to catch my breath." Well, maybe like one actually. But did a little over-exaggerating ever hurt anyone?

"Oh I'm sure," he agreed sarcastically. I smirked and rolled my eyes.

I laid still there, closing my eyes as I listened to Edward's breathing next to me. "Hey Bella?" I left my eyes closed and smiled.

"Hey what?"

"Remember last week at the cabin? When I sorta snapped at you over the whole umm. . .sex thing?" I nodded, raising an eyebrow at where he was going, "I wasn't mad because you were asking me. I wasn't mad at you about your answer. I was mad at myself for the reaction of your answer."

I thought back for a second, than I looked back over at him, "What do you mean?"

"When you first answered you know, not appli-whatever, I was so fucking relieved. But within seconds I was just pissed at myself for even going down that train of thought. I didn't what to complicate our amazing friendship as it was. I'm sorry I yelled at you." I couldn't lie and say I wasn't relieved at this revelation. I was so glad everything was cleared up now.

"Relieved. . .?" I trailed off and our eyes locked. His were inviting with lust lurking behind that. I leaned down and our lips continued their battle for dominance.

My life was starting to sound dangerously close to a novel.

"Alice liked you a lot I think," Edward commented offhandedly next to me. It was July 3rd and the whole gang was going up to the cabin for the summer celebration.

Emmett and Edward had convinced Alice and Jasper to come up with us and I was pretty excited about that. Seeing how they were twenty minutes away from where we lived, Edward and I drove off to meet them at Jasper's dad's house.

"Yeah, I liked her," I smiled, my mind drifting back to the meeting that took place a half hour ago.

Edward had been driving and someway or another he knew his way to the house. It was a cute house; it was painted light yellow and reminded me of my great grandparent's house. There was a silver truck that looked to be a couple years old sitting in the driveway. A tall blond man was loading a cooler into the bed of the truck with ease when Edward parked the car.

I assumed it was Jasper, and when I glanced over at a grinning Edward I confirmed my own suspicion. I smiled at Edward's happiness and unbuckled my seat belt. Edward was out of his side before my hand was even on the door handle. I rolled my eyes and hopped out into the sunshine.

Jasper was wearing a pair of navy swim trunks and a gray t-shirt from the local high school. He was as ripped as both Edward and Emmett. He was fairly attractive as well. Edward greeted him with a "man hug" while I looked on.

A woman about as short as me exited the front door of the house and stepped into the beating sun, a spring in her step. She had short hair that went just past her ears and flipped up. She had on a white wife beater with a white spaghetti tank top on under that and a pair of short jean shorts.

"Bella!" She called excitedly after she put a hand to her face to block the sun and looked closely at me. I grinned and waved as she came jogging excitedly towards me.

"Hey Alice," I greeted her as she gave me a dainty hug. I was aware of Edward and Jasper now watching us.

"It's so good to finally meet you!" Alice exclaimed and then let out a large breath before smiling brilliantly again.

"You too! I'm so glad you guys can come to the lake!"

"We wouldn't miss it! I mean with Emmett leaving in a few days, this is the only time we can all get together without our uniforms on."

"I think it'll be a good time," I grinned. Edward placed his arm around my shoulders and pulled me in close. I smiled up at him, and even with the other two watching he placed a quick kiss on my lips that lingered even after I was looking back at Alice.

"Bella, I would like you to meet Jasper Whitlock," Edward said after a few moments pause where Jasper took his respective place next to Alice.

"Pleasure to meet you," Jasper grinned lazily, his southern accent drawling out as we shook hands. I shared a secretive smile with Alice; that was one hell of a nice accent enough to make me swoon. . .and probably Esme.

"The pleasure's all mine," I replied, smiling at him instead of Alice. Alice had given me the slight inclination of an eyebrow as if to say, _yeah; tell me about it_.

That was the thing I loved about being of the all X chromosome. All of us shared a silent language that men didn't take place in. Even if you just met a woman, she could give you a small lip twitch or widening of her eyes that would mean so many things that guys wouldn't ever even notice.

"It's such a beautiful day; I'm ready to dive into a lake. We should probably get going," Edward suggested. I looked up to see the smirk on his face. I wasn't sure what amused him but Jasper looked like he had the hint of a smirk as well. I didn't even have time to raise an eyebrow at his amusement.

"Yeah, we're all ready. Right, Als?" Jasper looked down at Alice and she smiled and nodded. Their height difference was staggering. Edward was about ten inches taller than me. Jasper was about sixteen taller than Alice. "Alright, lead the way!" Jasper gestured to my truck and we nodded.

"Why were you smirking?" I asked curiously after we were in our respective cars. Edward had laughed.

"Jazz has yet to meet a woman who doesn't make that face when they first here him talk."

"What face?" I asked defensively, covering up my immediate embarrassment of being caught.

"The one you made when you realized he had an accent."

I turned so that I was facing the windshield so he wouldn't see my reddening cheeks. "I didn't even realize he had one," I sniffed indignantly. This only made him laugh more.

And that brought us back to the present. We had arrived at the lake shortly after Rose, Emmett, Carlisle and Esme had.

Edward only tried to hit _two_ animals.

"Oh my God, I love this," Alice said appreciatively after she hopped out of the truck. She took in the green trees, standing still as a rock with the sunshine fluttering through them. Then she walked in the direction of the glittering lake and sandy but small beach.

"Yeah, it's not too shabby," I agreed, appreciating it myself. I loved this place so much. And I loved when other people came and fell in love as well.

"Neither are you," Edward said with a smile as he snuck up on me. I jumped, startled as his arms snaked around my waist. I smiled without looking up at him.

Edward and I had become a couple in the past few days. I mean, we hadn't been on like eight dates or anything. But we had spent almost every waking moment together in the past couple of weeks, which was more than a bunch of other, normal couples could say.

So far it was going great.

"Well I'm glad you think so. Remember that while you are sleeping on the bunk beds tonight."

I felt his shoulder sag around me. I laughed and turned in his arms. He loosened his grip so that I had room to rest my arms around his neck. I smirked as he pouted at that piece of information.

"Or you can go ask Carlisle what he thinks about us getting our own bedroom," I said sarcastically.

I watched in horror as the idea fluttered through Edward's mind. He was actually considering it. What the hell, man?

"Maybe I will."

"He has a gun cabinet here too."

Edward's face fell.

"Well maybe if–" Edward started to reason some dumbass idea when Emmett interrupted him as Emmett only can.

"You're going down, bro!" Emmett yelled in a challenging tone as he walked past us, carrying one of our circular inflated tubes over his head.

"Well. There you have it," Rosalie said lightly as she walked after him, opting to roll the identical tube instead of use her upper body strength.

"Isn't it a little early in the day for tubing?" I asked after Emmett had thrown the tube into the water where it was currently floating.

"Oh Bella. Tubing is like drinking. It's never too early," he grinned as he walked back past us.

"Can't argue with that logic," Edward agreed with a smirk. I rolled my eyes.

"Well I guess that means I better put a swimsuit on."

"There won't be any hard feelings when I knock you off of your tube, right?" Edward asked with his cockiness as we broke apart. I shook my head with a smirk and started to walk off.

"I don't know, you tell me." And with that note of my own cockiness, I went in and changed.

Carlisle was as anxious to be out on the water as the rest of us. He was getting the boat ready for some extreme tubing and Esme already had a cooler full of drinks and a stack of towels ready.

"Welcome to Totally-Epic-Battle-of-the-Tubes," Emmett said, buzzing with energy as everyone reported to the dock with swimsuits on. Rosalie was wearing a light blue and white striped bikini and Alice was wearing a simple all teal, but really cute bikini of her own.

"Once you are knocked off or you fall, you're out. No chance for victory. A loser. It makes you a failure. Got that, Bella?" I sighed exasperatedly as Emmett insulted me yet again.

"Should we just get this done right now, Bella?" Emmett smirked and crossed his arms at me. "Then you can just chill in the boat and watch me win."

I was starting to learn that Emmett was a little competitive.

"Nah, I think you and Rose should go first," I crossed my own arms and raised a daring eyebrow at him.

We both looked over at Rose as she spoke with a shrug as she tied her hair into a messy pony tail. "Let's go. Knock me off and you will be sharing Ares' bed." Emmett's confident face fell off his face and he frowned, close to a pout really. We all were smirking at him but it was Edward who actually let out a laugh.

"See that's the difference between us. Bella knows I'll push her off; she accepts it and she's fine with it," Edward laughed delightedly as he swung his arm around my shoulders. Rosalie and Esme stopped smirking and made amused faces at each other as I turned slowly to Edward with a lethal eyebrow raised.

"I was going to be nice and let you think you made it farther than the others but, guess who's going to be the first to go?" I pushed a life jacket into his sculpted chest and grabbed my own.

"The first tube ride either makes or breaks a relationship," Jasper, who had just been standing back commented, chuckling at a confused Edward. Edward gave him a look with narrowed eyes as he put his arms through the vest.

I had to give Edward credit. Seeing as how he hadn't even been on a tube before he was able to hold his own fairly well with Carlisle's insane driving. I tried to flip him off of it several times and he did the same for me. After about ten minutes of neither Edward nor I touching the water, Carlisle stopped the boat.

"Can I go now?" Emmett complained loudly enough so Edward and I could hear. "You two can continue to go at it and try to get each other off later," he added.

_Oh Emmett._

Before someone could make a comment about Emmett's dumbass innuendo, I slid out of my life jacket and dove into the cool, refreshing water. Edward was still smirking by the time we were both into the boat.

Unfortunately, and somewhat miraculously, Emmett managed to kick Rosalie's tube out from her, thus knocking her into the water. This happened only after much whooping, hollering and I think some type of battle cry?

Alice decided to take on the overly testosterone running Emmett after a dripping Rose got back into the boat. Alice might have been small, but she was much stronger than she looked. Emmett wasn't even the one who made her fall off; Carlisle drove in a really tight circle and ran through the waves he had made. Alice was too focused on trying to kick Emmett's tube that she wiped out very dramatically.

Edward wanted to put an end to Emmett's rein and decided to take him on. Emmett played dirty and tipped his tube over when Edward was in the vulnerable spot between the wake from the boat and the flat water. I can't say I didn't smirk when this happened.

I beat Jasper after like a half hour before it was down to just me and Emmett. In the back of my mind I knew I was having a great time with everyone and I didn't want it to be over. But all I was thinking about at the time was kicking Emmett's sorry ass all the way to Mexico.

Much to my dismay this did not happen. Carlisle called it quits after about twenty minutes and called it a tie. Rose and Alice who were hanging out in the front of the boat with their hair drying out were very disappointed with this result. And so was I. Even though neither of us fell off, in Emmett's mind he had totally and completely won.

"Get ready for round two, Swan. Tomorrow. Be there." Emmett pointed tauntingly at me as he hung a colorful beach towel around his neck. I rolled my eyes as I hopped off of the boat and wrapped a towel around my body.

I found it almost interesting that Emmett and Jasper had the bodies of Abercrombie models and I wasn't even the least bit attracted to either. Edward, who was also Fitch worthy, was the one I was having trouble keepings my eyes off of. That damn eight pack. . .

It was a good thing that I found Edward the. . ._sexy one_ for lack of a better word. Because he was my boyfriend. I smiled just at the thought as he fell into place next to me walking off the dock.

"Did I tell you I love the swimsuit?" Edward asked with a lazy smile. I rolled my eyes and wrapped my right arm around his side. Instantly his left arm went around my shoulders.

"Thanks for coming," I told him softly after we reached the grass. Involuntarily I snuggled in closer to his chest.

Edward knew I wasn't just talking about the cabin. He pulled me closer to him. "Best fucking decision I've ever made."

"I gotta admit, I thought it was just small and long at first," Alice said conversationally.

"Yeah I know," I agreed, "but it's actually pretty big."

"Exactly! I mean, not going to lie, I didn't think it was much; no offense."

"Oh, none taken. That's exactly what Rose thought, but than she got to look closer at it and she fell in love too."

"Are most that long?" Alice inquired curiously.

"No, not at all. But there is definitely a fair share of them."

"I like it; its classic."

"Oh I love it. It's one of a kind to me. I don't want anything else."

"I wouldn't want any other cabin either," Alice agreed as we continued to paddle our way steadily across the lake. Our paddles were dipping into the water in synchronization and making the canoe glide across the water effortlessly.

We continued to glide across the sparkly sun reflecting lake for a moment or so before I decided I didn't like silence with Alice. She wouldn't be here forever, why spends ages contemplating the significance of a tree when I could be actually talking with her?

"So how do like being here? In the states, I mean."

Alice didn't have to hesitate to answer. "God, I fucking love it," she breathed. I laughed and she turned back to face me with a conspiring grin. Even though I couldn't see her eyes behind her large sunglasses, I had a feeling they were pleased.

"Jasper and I have to hide everything when we're overseas. He's not my rank and dating fellow soldiers is really discouraged, I mean _really_. Now I can jump him whenever the hell I want to. And I have been."

I rolled my eyes but grinned at Alice's giddiness.

"Please try not to christen the entire cabin," I requested jokingly…okay, I really wasn't joking about that; I slept in those beds.

"I'll try…" Alice promised and even though she laughed and agreed I knew she would actually have to try.

"I'm glad you and Edward finally got together," Alice said after a moment as we stroked through the cattails. We were already a fair distance away from the cabin and I liked being able to talk to Alice, especially about Edward who she knew pretty well.

"Well not. . ._together_ together," I informed her after I smiled. I was glad we did too.

"Really? I couldn't tell. You both have been extreme happy since I saw you this morning. I assumed it was some type of glow." Before I could respond, even though she didn't really ask me anything, she continued on with a second thought. "Oh! Are you one of those people who are always happy? Because I gotta be honest; I don't think that is something I can handle."

I snorted in hilarity. "Always happy? Ha. No. But I've just been appreciating Edward more in the last couple days. . ." I trailed off cryptically.

"Well I mean. . .you're turning 18 in a few days. . .so it won't be illegal after that!" The way she said it, so cheerily, it just confused me. In my mind I heard something along the lines of, _Hey! You and Edward can bone really soon, and he won't be charged with rape for it_!

"I have brought that into consideration," I admitted. I wanted to share with someone why I was so confused about having sex with Edward. I had no idea what to make of our new relationship and let's be honest, I was befuddled as hell. But I decided Alice would be able to help me, or in the very least let me vent.

And vent did I. I told Alice almost everything about my fears, desires and curiosities. I had no clue how she was responding to anything I was saying because I was in the back steering and all I could see was her back.

After I was done Alice pulled her paddle out of the water and sat it on her lap before turning to face me. I stopped stroking the water and looked at her questioningly.

"I know Edward will be leaving soon, and I know that's going to suck so much. But honestly, I think you should go for it. I spend every day with Edward and I've never seen him like this before. He's all in on this thing with you. And a year will fly by, and then when it's over, you'll have Edward and you'll be glad you took that leap the summer before."

"I can relate to you. I want to be with Jasper so much, all the time. But I can't, not the way I want to." Alice took a breath before continuing in her soft yet wise voice.

"But at night, even after a month between one of our meetings, I'll feel his arms around me, and I'll feel his soft breath tickling my neck, and it seems almost bearable. It makes the reality easier to deal with. And knowing that you're his, and he's yours, it makes it worth it, because you know, you know he'll be reliving the first night, and the look in your eyes, just like you will be. That alone is why I would take a chance and trust Edward; trust him to care and honor you in every way he humanly can."

Alice let her works sink in. After I thought about what she said and ran it over through my head I looked back from the lake up at her. "Is that really what you would do if you were me?"

"I did it with Jasper, didn't I?" Alice smiled at me, smiled knowingly because we were in the same boat. _Literally_.

I silently chucked. Damn I was funny.

"Everything will work out in the end. It always does. Otherwise, don't hold your breath, because it's not the end," Alice couldn't resist adding.

"How did you become so deep?" I was again jokingly asking but still fairly serious and curious.

Alice, who had raised her sunglasses and rested them on the top of her head, grinned at me. And then she winked, "Listening to Edward talk."

After my enlightening discussion with Alice I was watching Edward more closely. I realized that I was extraordinarily lucky to have a man like him in my life. And well this was new to me, extremely uncharted waters –we're talking like off the map uncharted- I was excited. I was excited to do this with Edward.

Carlisle built his usual campfire for the night, just delighted. Normally he was up here with just Esme and me. But now he had three other guys to share his pyromania with.

I changed into a sweatshirt from a few years ago with the front torn in a triangle and put on jeans as well, my usual campfire attire. It got really cold when the sun went down and the breeze started to pick up.

By the time I was presentable, I slipped outside with a hesitant Ares. I was the last one out apparently and there were only six chairs, because, well we normally only needed three, maybe four, not eight. Carlisle and Esme, well they were great hosts knew when to draw the line and they were seated comfortably in the best lawn chairs. Next to Esme was Rose, and then Emmett and then Alice. Jasper was sitting right by the fire with his head rested on Alice's knees while she ran her hands through his hair.

And finally, right between Alice and Carlisle, was the man who occupied way too many of my thoughts. Edward looked up when he heard the door squeak. His gaze locked with mine as the crooked grin that still managed to take away my breath spread across his face.

I tentatively walked over to the fire until I reached their circle. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Edward sit up straighter in his chair. With everyone's eyes on me with curiosity, I stepped over to Edward and carefully sat down at an angle on Edward's lap.

Edward's arms immediately went around my waist as my head fell next to his against the back of the chair. If I hadn't been so fucking short I would have sat taller than him, but right now, it was working. I felt the heat rise to my face, and even though we were sitting next to a roaring fire, that wasn't the cause.

I didn't need to look around the circle to see everyone's faces, but I did against my better judgment. Rosalie raised an eyebrow but otherwise was as indifferent as only Rose can be. Emmett looked vaguely amused. Alice was smiling knowingly. Jasper was distracted by the sparking fire. Carlisle had a calm mask on his face which I chose not to read into. And Esme looked relatively…joyful? That couldn't be right…no, joyful seemed strangely accurate.

Thankfully Rosalie and Esme hopped right back in their conversation about summer weddings and Emmett and Jasper proceeded to discuss some NBL team with Carlisle while Alice listened to both conversations quietly.

"You're not wearing any makeup," Edward accused lightly into my ear. I gave him a small, yet somewhat self conscious smile.

"I forgot my water proof stuff," I explained, wondering how he felt about me going all natural.

"Good. I like it," Edward smiled making it impossible to not return it. To seal his statement he placed a lingering, tender kiss on the side of my temple.

"Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?" Edward asked rhetorically, nuzzling his nose lightly against the side of my face. "If I was the only man in the world and there were three billion women, I'd always name you the most stunning, especially in jeans and a sweatshirt."

"I don't want you to go back Edward," I managed quietly after a minute of silence. "I want you to stay here with me, all summer, right here." I knew I sounded awful, I knew this was a sore subject for him, but this was something Alice couldn't help me with. I needed to know it would be okay when he was gone.

"I know baby, believe me I know. If I could freeze this moment I would. You don't know how much I hate reality." Edward was a tough guy, and when he showed his vulnerability, if only for a brief moment, just to me, well it made me…it made me feel so much more connected with him.

"But-" I started to protest softly but Edward stopped me by placing a soft kiss on my lips and then looking at me, his gaze burning.

"But right now it's just me and you Bella. You and I." Edward said firmly, with utmost conviction. I started to speak up, not entirely sure what I was going to say but knowing I should say something but he interrupted me before I could even start. "And that's all it'll ever be."

* * *

_Something's in the air tonight_  
_The sky's alive with a burning light_  
_You can mark my words something's about to break_

_And I found myself in a bitter fight_  
_While I've held your hand through the darkest night_  
_Don't know where you're coming from but you're coming soon_

_Come on and we'll sing, like we were free_  
_Push the pedal down watch the world around fly by us _  
_Come on and we'll try, one last time_  
_I'm off the floor one more time to find you_  
_And here we go there's nothing left to choose_  
_And here we go there's nothing left to lose_  
Nothing Left to Lose, Matt Kearney

* * *

-No, whining and calling Bella a bitch will not usually get you over 7k worth of chapter. It was just a happy coincidence. Do we trust me now that you gotten your fluff? I'm sorry last chapter wasn't what you guys were hoping for. I hope this one is up to your standards(:  
-Next chapter is the 4th of July! I'll see you in a week, as of now, I am so done with people and am going to hide under a rock for the next week. Wooh! Spring break!  
-I'd like to say welcome to all my new readers! Glad to have you aboard! And guess what...I broke 2000 reviews last chapter! Granted most of you were complaining about Bella...but I still love you all nevertheless! (:

-As always I am on Twitter at **2carm2carm2**, follow me for spoilers!


	22. Chapter 22

"You and Edward are getting along fairly well I'd say," Esme commented casting me an unreadable expression. A small smile fought its way to my lips.

This morning Rosalie had gone to show Alice the small local town and Emmett had gone with, tagging along with Rose considering that he would be leaving in a few days. Jasper was in the shower and had some catching up on emails to do. Carlisle was on the shore with Edward and they were splitting wood for Carlisle's giant 4th of July fire.

Esme and I had put on swimsuits like we did every morning we were up here and taken the water floaties. Currently we were lounging lazily on them, floating out in the water with soda and our sunglasses.

I glanced over at Edward who was laughing with Carlisle while bringing an axe perfectly down on a log. And then I looked over at Esme.

"Yeah," I agreed, knowing there were so many responses I could have given her but just choosing the simplest and truest.

I thought back to last night. After much persuasion Alice finally agreed to take the bedroom to herself while Rose and I camped out on the futons. The guys had all worked out there sleeping arrangement in the other bedroom with Emmett getting the top bunk. And that's all I heard from that argument.

Rose took the futon in the main area while I got the other one in the more private alcove area. Edward and I had said goodnight and departed our separate ways. I went to bed smiling at how glad I was to be with Edward. In the middle of the night, I couldn't say when I woke up. I looked around, disoriented and wondered why I had woken up.

Imagine my surprise when I find Edward stretched out next to me sleeping peacefully. His hand had found its way to me and was resting on my stomach. I blinked a few times so my eyes would adjust to the lack of light and then slid back under my blanket. Carefully I turned so that I was on my side and brought my hand up to stroke his hair that had begun to grow out, out of his eyes.

As my fingers started to sweep lightly across his forehead his eyes began to blink open. Even in the dark with only the moon reflecting the lake as a light his eyes were still stunning. Instead of moving his hand off of my hip he pulled me closer to him.

"Hi," I whispered with utmost quietness.

"Hey," he smiled groggily his voice sounding of velvet and sleep.

"What are you doing here?" I asked. He had closed his eyes after I moved my hand down to cup his jaw.

"I've gotten used to Emmett's snoring, but-" Edward stopped, interrupted by a jaw splitting yawn. I giggled quietly before I found myself yawning as well. Edward smirked sleepily and continued in a hushed tone, "Jasper sounds like a fucking steam boat."

"The right answer would have been, 'Oh Bella, why would I want to be anywhere else?'" I teased.

Edward locked his eyes with mine and then in a whisper that sent shivers down my spin said, "You didn't let me finish. The main reason I'm here is because I can't _imagine_ being anywhere else."

Esme's considering tone brought me out of my reminiscing. "How well?"

"Really well," I stressed. I found that I hadn't been able to talk to Esme lately, about anything. Alice yesterday was really the only person who had said anything useful to me. I wanted to know what Esme was thinking, and I wanted to know what Carlisle was thinking…from her though. I added, "Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy well."

"Whoa. You just went all Pride and Prejudice on me?"

I nodded, lips pursed, agreeing with the incredulousness in her statement.

"I always wondered who you'd end up dating. Maybe the football captain, the future brain surgeon, the guy with the dark side, or at times even some dude who writes poetry and plays the bongos. I honestly can say I never thought it would be a U.S. soldier." Esme took a sip of her Sierra Mist as we both looked over to the wood being cut.

"But I'm glad you did. I think Edward's a good guy," Esme said approvingly.

Edward was a great guy. And I…I didn't know how I felt him. It sure as hell was positive and intense. The feeling was so new to me, and I didn't want to jump to place it. What if I was leaping? I had never been love. I didn't know if that was what I was feeling or if I was just so excited about our relationship. All I knew is that I wanted to be with Edward all the time. Every time he smiled it made my stomach twist up, in a good way. What that all meant…I had no clue, but I was more than sure this was something bigger than a summer romance.

I knew that even if Edward wasn't leaving I would still be this invested in him. I didn't want to be with him so often because I wouldn't be able to for a year –though that was a small portion of it- I wanted to be with Edward, because I loved being with Edward. I loved laughing, swearing, and smiling with Edward.

"I think so too," I muttered distractedly yet whole heartedly agreeing with her.

Esme ran her hands under the surface of the water, scaring away a few brave fish. Then she fixed her gaze on me, "You know Bella, you're confused. That's completely understandable. But I want to tell you this. And I'm sorry that I can't sugar coat it or sound like Nicholas Sparks; read his books if you want crap like that. You're 17 he's 22. I know there are things keeping you apart but I want you to know that regret is one of the worst pains to live with. Life has been particularly shitty to you. And now I personally believe that divine province threw Edward into your life. And really; don't fuck with divine province."

Esme finished her small sermon, stared at me a moment longer before she settled back against the inflated lounger. Evidently she was satisfied that she had been able to get her point across to me. Well apparently everyone had an opinion on my love life as of recently. Good to know.

As if they had been listening to our entire conversation –which of course they hadn't been- Edward looked up from the pile of chopped lumber. His head went straight in the direction of me, and when he saw that I happened to be looking at him he raised his hand in a saluting wave. I smiled a brought my hand out of the water to give him a small wave back.

"Seems like forever since you wrote that first letter, doesn't it?" Esme asked after she waved to her own husband.

I was still watching Edward as he smiled adoringly at me before picking up an uncut log and getting ready to split it. "Yeah," I mumbled distractedly, all the while thinking that that first letter seemed like it came yesterday.

It was a gorgeous 4th of July. Last year it had rained the whole day and we sat inside playing an extreme tournament of Crazy 8's. But this year it was 85 degrees with the slightest breeze you didn't even notice it. And there wasn't a cloud in the sky.

Alice, Rose and I were just getting ready to build a fucking sweet sand castle when Edward gently grabbed my arm and pulled me up. I swung around with an expectant grin. "Let's go snicker doddle, we're going jet-skiing," Edward grinned, letting go of my arm and moving to take off his white t-shirt.

"Is jet-skiing really a proper verb?" I asked him but all the while slipping out of my white beach skirt.

Edward tossed me a lifejacket, giving me a raised eyebrow. "You know, I really thought after we started going out you wouldn't be such a pain in the ass." I rolled my eyes at his strangely endearing comment.

"Yeah, but do you really want that?" I challenged slipping on my life jacket and giving him a flirty grin.

Edward, breathless from the rush of sudden activity looked up at me with a crooked grin. "Hell no."

I smiled to myself as he tugged my hand, sliding his fingers through mine as we splashed through the ankle deep water to get to the jet-ski landing. Edward went to the one on the right and I started to stray to the one of the left, figuring this would be one of this races. Edward pulled me closer to him, making sure I didn't stumble in the water. "You're riding with me on this one."

I could live with that.

Without hesitation I slipped up onto the jet-ski and out of the water as Edward cranked the pulley so that it would lower. The seat was black therefore very warm in between my thighs. I shifted trying to be discreet; Edward didn't seem to notice. My skin adjusted to the temperature and I slid forward across the seat that was long enough to fit three people. "Can I drive?"

"No."

"Sweet."

Edward finished cranking it and he guided it over the lift so that it was floating a few yards away from it. "Move," he commanded expectantly as he looked at me with my hands on the handlebars.

"You were serious?" I asked incredulously.

Edward nodded, totally serious.

With a heavy sigh I slid back and let go of the handle bars to make room for him. He shot me a smug grin and glided easily onto the seat in front of me. As soon as he was situated I snuggled up closer to him, wrapping my arms around his lifejacket covered chest tightly. My thighs constricted fairly snugly around him. I heard a soft chuckle come from him as I sat up straighter so I could put my chin on his shoulder.

"Just go," I sighed exasperatedly. He was far to exhausting for his own good.

"Hold on tight baby," and before I could literally even process what he said the jet-ski rocketed across the water in a sudden jerk forward. I wasn't used to not being able to control the speed on these things. My arms tightened more around him; probably his plan to start with.

If it had been anyone other than Edward I would have been concerned. He was driving like a maniac, plunging into all the waves he could find and creating huge circles of waves from the many times he was going around. This was exactly how I drove when I had the jet ski to myself; but being a passenger was slightly frightening. At one point I think I was crushing his ribs from my grip.

After a few minutes of the insanity I started to relax a bit. Edward's laugh whipped from his mouth through the wind to my ears, it made me smile. And then he soaked us in a particularly large wave. I laughed with him as I blinked the splash of water out of my face.

When Edward had had his fun almost killing the engine he slowed down the motor to a stop. Through the course of all the looping and waves he had managed to travel halfway across the lake to a secluded bay with very few houses in it. He slowed it to a stop and then took the key out of the ignition. He started to turn so I slid away from him to give him some space. We each unbuckled our life jackets and slid them off.

"How was that?" he was breathless from the rush, his eyes shining and his hair disheveled from the window. He looked so…perfect. It's such an overused word, but that is the only word that could be used to describe him in my eyes.

"Amazing," I answered, not just talking about the jet ski ride alone.

I smiled up at Edward, his face perfectly illuminated from the shining sun. He grinned down at me, his stunning green eyes gleaming with adoration as he gazed at me.

When we locked eyes, there was something. Something that hadn't then there before. I would replay the memory for the next year he was away trying to decipher it. But in that moment I knew. I don't know what it was, but I couldn't deny the strong tug I felt to be impossibly closer to him, and not physically.

I didn't leave time for my brain to think this over or worry about it. I just knew.

"Edward," I started passionately. My smile wanted to grow huger, into a giant beam, but I kept my face soft with happiness. Edward didn't blink; instead he scooted closer to me, tangling our lower legs together.

"I, I love you."

The words left my mouth without regret. And when they were out, even though they came out softly and lovingly, I wanted to shout it out. I wanted to proclaim it on the world news. I, Isabella Swan was in love with Edward Masen. And even if he wasn't there yet, there was no worry of rejection in my mind. That was the enlightening thing about love. I trusted and loved Edward so completely that I knew he would not hurt me, just as I wouldn't him.

I broke into a huge grin, my heart racing just as it had when that first letter arrived in the mail box. Edward's jaw dropped a fraction and his eyes widened in disbelief. But his relaxed grin didn't dissolve, instead, his entire face brightened as I nodded my head a little, agreeing with myself about what I had just confessed.

What happened next? Let me tell you, I did not see this one coming. Edward stood up and before I could even raise an eyebrow his arms were around me and then we were abruptly in the cold water. I came up startled gasping for breath. Edward was above the water too, grinning at me with such happiness.

"God, I love you too Bella. So fucking much," Edward breathed, his voice sounding relieved and joyful and well, loving…all in one. We grinned at each other for literally a fraction of a second before our lips crashed against each other, sealing our statements with such an intense kiss. I opened my mouth up to him, and our battle for dominance, the one that has been going on since the beginning of time for men and women, continued.

This kiss was different then the rest, yet still so the same. I was still kissing Edward…it was still _great_ kissing Edward. But now, I was kissing out of love. Though, if you ask me, we had always kissed from love. I had loved Edward for a long time, but now, it was pronounced.

It was also different because we were in the water and simaltaneously treading water while we made out.

The only not great thing about this kiss was the ending. And the only not great thing about the ending was the time of it. It ended far too soon than I would have liked. …But then again I probably would have given myself to him right there on a jet ski in the middle of lake…so I don't think I was the best judge.

Edward, even though the kiss had subsided was placing soft, feather light kisses on my lips continuously, his lips forming a subtle grin. When he lifted his lips off mine he leaned down to put his forehead against mine.

"Now why the hell did you throw me in the water you ass!" I exclaimed with a grin, smacking his shoulder.

"It seemed like the right thing to do...?" He answered sheepishly, amused by his own antics apparently.

"A girl tells she loves you and you push her in the water. How very chivilarous of you!" I mocked him. We had reached the jet ski again and were both resting of our arms against the side to hold us up.

He laughed loudly and grinned with sparkling eyes. "I did not push you. I threw you. Two completely different things!"

"Ass," I muttered under by breath with a smile, just so he could hear me. He was an ass. But he was my ass.

"I said it first you know," Edward informed me with slightly smug grin. He kissed me again before I looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

"You most definitely did not. I did." I disagreed, not at all being stubborn; being right. He helped get me back on the jet ski as our conversation continued.

"Nope," he continued matter of factly, "actually I did. Last night, when I came out to where you were sleeping. Before I fell asleep and you woke me back up, I told you I loved you. And you smiled ever so slightly in your sleep."

I smiled at the sweetest thing I had ever been told. I tried to convey how much he meant to me in my gaze on him.

"Did I really smile in my sleep?" Seemed likely to me, but I still was going to believe that I said it first.

"Well your eyebrow twitched, so I interpreted that way." I laughed and kissed him softly for a moment.

Edward tucked a stray strand of hair that had flown out of my pony back behind my ear before saying, "I would have told you tonight anyway, during the fireworks."

"How romantic," I grinned with the edge of teasing. Edward rolled his eyes as I giggled.

"You know, in my head in played out pretty nicely actually," Edward informed me.

"You probably didn't factor in Emmett," I pointed out. I grinned at him as my arms wound their way around his neck.

"It always comes back to Emmett," he sighed with mock exasperation.

My head started to inch closer up to his. Edward's arms wound around mine as I smiled happily up at him, "Not right now."

"No," he agreed, centimeters away from my lips, "not right now." And then his lips met mine again and all thoughts about Emmett dissolved and with those the rest of my thoughts.

Now any one who was just being filled in on what was happening, they would think we were moving far too fast. But if you asked me, I would say it was a long time coming. I had fallen in love with Edward over the course of his letters. These past two weeks or so have just put that into perspective. Besides, as I had decided a long time ago, I don't give a shit what the hell anyone thinks about us.

It was a picture perfect 4th of July. I spent the rest of the afternoon with my sweetheart and my family. We were out on the water playing water volleyball and football (tackle actually) and Carlisle barbequed hot dogs and burgers. We drank lemonade and got sunburned. We cranked up the radio and all took turns bursting out the latest songs off key. We spent the day under the sun, enjoying each others company; none of us thinking about tomorrow. And Edward and I…well Edward and I were, well we had just discovered we were in love…how you _think_ we were acting?

But I was looking forward to the fireworks. We had four soldiers among us, and 4th of July was celebrating the freedom of our country and the men who fought for it. And today, especially in this area we continued to celebrate the men and women in the forces. I was just excited for Edward to have his day. Granted Emmett, Alice and Jasper were here too, but I wanted Edward to know how appreciated he was and how proud of him I was.

"Rose and I call the jet ski!" Emmett called. I rolled my eyes, even though I was in the bathroom changing and he couldn't see me.

I heard Rosalie's snort through the door. "Or you can go cuddle with the handle bars while I enjoy an actual seat." Yeah; saw that coming.

Emmett was pouting at Rose as she grabbed a pop from the fridge; they started to bicker while taking the conversation outside into the dark night. Jasper was shrugging on a jacket at the door on the left side of the cabin. And Edward was bending down in crouch tying his shoes. Even though he had heard the door open I still decided to sneak quietly up on him. I pounced onto his back and wrapped my arms around his neck, placing a kiss on the top of his head.

"This isn't Esme, is it?" There was a slight chance that he was seriously asking me that.

"Do I feel like a 30 year old woman?" I challenged as he finished tying his shoe and placed his hands to hold me up on my knees.

"Well, no. But I'm not calling Esme fat either!" He defended his answer as he stood up easily, even with an extra 115 pounds on his back.

"Well played Masen."

Edward chuckled and pushed open the door to the outside. Rosalie and Emmett had finally agreed that a boat would be a better option than a jet ski. Rosalie looked up when we exited the house.

"Well aren't you two just cute."

"Yes. Yes we are," Edward answered matter of factly. And with that he continued to walk towards the dock as I giggled quietly. Well if Rose thought we were cute then I guess we had it made.

Our boat had a front that didn't have seats; it was just flat with a small wall lining the triangular shape. But generally I liked to lay up there with my back resting on the windshield.

Tonight we had a bigger crowd than usually. So Edward set me down on the dock and climbed in the front of the boat with Jasper. Alice grinned knowingly and climbed in the front after Jasper. I followed suit and found Edward resting casually against the windshield his legs open in a V. I mentally smiled and went to cuddle up with him. Once I was situated in between his legs he wrapped his arms around my torso.

Carlisle and Esme were in the driver and passenger seat with Rosalie and Emmett in the long cushioned bench in the back. Alice was engulfed under one of Jasper's arms her feat curled underneath her as she snuggled up to him. They were really a pretty damn adorable couple. You know how sometimes you see this awkward short guy who doesn't wash his hair with this ugly chick who has a unibrow? And you go…eww? I was pleasantly relieved that they weren't one of those cringe worthy couples.

Edward's arms were the best place in the world to be. A few weeks ago, I would have said something like, oh…_well I like being at a beach_…but now I've started to realized there is more in life than that. At 17 I really didn't think anything was missing in my life; I'm 17. But now that I've fallen in love with Edward I realized just how empty my life has been until now. And yeah; that sounds ridiculous for 17. I get that. But Edward had come into my life and filled it completely.

I thought about this as the fireworks started to boom over the lake. There was a hush over all of the 200 boats floating in the area. The only noise that could be heard was _God Bless the USA _coming from all of the radios on the boats.

Edward had come into my life, blazing like the fireworks shooting in front of us. And unlike the fireworks, he was continuing to light up life, and he wouldn't end with smoke. It frightened me how much love I had for the soldier holding me tightly. In the back of my mind, I couldn't help but realize that any emotion that powerful had the possibility of hurting me.

_I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free. And I wont forget the men who died, who gave that right to me. God bless the U.S.A._

* * *

_So I thought what better time to share this feeling _  
_and I turned to you and said. _  
_"I don't think I'm ready for the leaves to change, _  
_cause I met you in the summer so please don't blow away. _  
_When the wind picks up and it's colder everyday." _

_Because you're all mine, _  
_You've got me dreaming a future with your beautiful eyes, _  
_I'd do whatever they told me to. _  
_I won't waste time when it comes to you, _  
_because no one makes me feel like you do. _  
_You make it easy girl._

_Baby I've been waiting for my luck to change _  
_and the moment that I saw you well it all just feel in place. _  
_When the wind picks up, I will be there in every way. _  
_And when push comes to shove it's the two of us, _  
_just give me time and I'll prove it to you. _  
_You'll see we've got nothing to lose.  
_The Leaves Will Change, Take Cover

* * *

-This chapter is dedicated to Andrew Wilfahrt 31, Brian Tabada 21, Rudolph Hizon 22, Chauncy Mays 25 and thier families, soldiers who gave their lives this week with no media mention due to Charlie Sheen and his crazyassness. Thank you for your service. You are my heroes.

-As of lately I've been finishing up work on this story (don't worry I'm about 25 chapters ahead of ya'll) and I'm working on some EPOV. As of this far in the story is there any parts you'd like from Edward's point of view? I'm not doing the whole story again obviously. But a few parts. Let me know which ones you'd like to see!  
-And finally, yay! They're in love! I know there's going to be some mixed reactions to that, but just remember, he's only here for a little bit. Enjoy Sweetheartward while he's still here(:


	23. Chapter 23

He wrapped his arms around her tightly, engulfing her tenderly with his strength as he whispered sweet farewell words softly into her ear. He was leaving today, after their month of spending everyday together. There was too much remaining unsaid in between them, feelings that weren't yet discovered, and he would be going to fight in a war for the next year while she waited for him to come back to her. The departure had snuck up on everyone, and the bystanders that had come to see him off turned away so the two could share an intimate moment.

Thank God it was Emmett.

It was July 6th and the end of Emmett's leave was here. I watched Rosalie and Emmett, not even saying goodbye because she still had to take him to the airport, cling to each other. And it was a huge wake up call. This would be me in two short weeks.

I frowned sadly at the scene in front of me. And while I didn't want to fathom what it felt like, I envisioned myself in that situation. I knew it would hurt, but it shocked me how deeply it did when I thought about him actually leaving, me having to drive him to the airport and say farewell.

Edward was standing silently next to me; he had come to see his best friend off knowing that he would be joining him in Iraq soon. I couldn't look up at him; instead I stared at the ground. I noticed how Rose's mom hadn't had the neighbor mow her grass for awhile. It was getting a little on the long side. I would have to tell Cam about that.

Without saying a word, Edward slipped his arms around me from behind and rested his chin on my head.

"It'll be okay," he said quietly into my ear, not drawing attention from anyone else. I nodded doubtfully.

"We still have time," he added tenderly while he lightly pulled me closer against his chest.

I didn't say anything. Instead we just watched as Emmett and Rosalie reluctantly pulled apart from each other. Edward placed a firm kiss on the crown of my head as Emmett took Rose's hand and they came to say goodbye to us.

Edward hesitantly unwrapped his arms from me so Emmett could give me a giant bear hug. I wrapped my arms tightly around my friend, not wanting him to go almost as much as Edward.

"Stay safe," I whispered in command. Emmett nodded.

"Look out for my girl," he asked before we broke apart. I nodded and gave him a sad smile. He ruffled my hair and when I rolled my eyes and cracked the smallest of a smile he winked at me.

I hugged Rose lazily as Emmett and Edward said goodbye. She sighed, "Life sorta sucks."

"Yup."

But, on the bright side, I was now officially 18.

Emmett was gone; he had arrived at base in Iraq in the middle of the night and was safe and sound. Rosalie was sad.

It was my birthday and I had woken up with a vase of bright yellow flowers at the end table by my bed with a note that said _I love you_ at its base. I smiled as I stretched out. I was thrilled. Edward and I were finally legal.

Normally I was pretty indifferent about my birthday. It was sort of just another day. But I was excited to celebrate it with someone. Edward was fantastic. From the moment I woke up with the flowers until I fell asleep. Especially when Elliot came a knocking.

Esme and Carlisle had taken the afternoon off but were working in the morning. That meant Edward and I had the first half of the day to ourselves. We spent it kissing extensively and snuggling in his bed watching Happy Gilmore while playing with my digital camera.

After the movie was over we went downstairs to. . .well, a change of scenery I guess. As I was about to suggest a game of rock band, the door bell rang. With a shrug, I hopped off the coach and opened the door. And there stood Elliot in a white polo and jean shorts smiling as I opened it.

I smiled after the door was opened. "Happy birthday!" he cheered stepping in to the house and giving me a casual hug. In surprise I started to hug him back but he was already moving away.

My ex-fake boyfriend and my current actual boyfriend were staring each other down. Sweet.

I watched warily as the men studied each other. Elliot was just as tall as Edward was, but high school basketball player and U.S. soldier have a different type of muscles. I rolled my eyes, unnoticed, as Edward buffed up considerably. Edward's jaw shifted as Elliot rose the slightest eyebrow.

"Elliot," Elliot braved the intense silence first as he stuck his hand out to Edward, whose arms were crossed over his chest. This was déjà vu. This was exactly what had happened when Edward met Carlisle.

Edward nodded at his hand. "_Sergeant _Edward Masen." I mentally slapped my forehead.

Once Edward caught my eyes narrowing at his childishness he stuck his hand out to shake Elliot's with extreme hesitance. This better be a really fucking short visit. But even though I was already exasperated with the two of them, I was still slightly amused.

After some more silence in which we all stared at each other, Elliot again broke it. "So Bella, I brought you this," he said with a nervous smile as he handed me a wrapped box. I smiled brightly and took the present excitedly.

"Can I open it?" I asked eagerly, my face lighting up. I was a bit of a sucker for wrapped goods. Elliot chuckled and nodded, choosing to ignore Edward and relax a little bit.

Elliot got me a basketball jersey that had my favorite player's name and number on it. I thanked him profusely and gave him a hug after holding it out and looking at it. This was one of those nice, $100 jerseys. After that I tried to usher him out without being rude. Fortunately he had some place to be.

"Well I gotta get going, I hope you have an awesome day," Elliot said distractedly as he watched Edward put an arm around my shoulders. I pretended not to notice Edward's testosterone.

Elliot slipped on his sunglasses as I put the jersey back in the box. "Thank you so much!" I grinned and he smiled back before letting himself out the front door.

Edward had said a grand total of three words. The whole visit. His name.

"Nice," I said sarcastically as soon as the door was closed. Edward knew I wasn't really mad at him because as soon as I tried to glare at him I cracked a smile.

"On the contrary, I thought I was pleasant," Edward smirked, leaning down to kiss me.

"Pleasant as a bear woken from hibernation."

"Still a type of pleasant," Edward argued, kissing me lightly again. I kissed him back, our lips molding together familiarly. I was about to wrap my arms around him as the kiss began to kindle into fire. But we were interrupted.

"What did you do to Elliot? The kid sprinted out of here like someone had just been shot!" Carlisle boomed as the door from the garage opened. Edward and I broke apart with sighs.

"What'd you do Bella, curse him out?" Esme chimed in. I narrowed my eyes at Edward and crossed my arms. He looked at me sheepishly, yet not regretfully.

"Yup," I confirmed in my monotone as they rounded the corner to where we were standing.

"That's my girl," Carlisle winked. Esme and him breezed past us up the stairs, Carlisle unbuttoning the cuffs of his sleeves and Esme kicking off her pumps.

"Why the rush?" I called after them as they entered their bedroom and shut the door, to change clothes I assumed.

"We're going to be late," Carlisle hollered back through the door. I glanced at Edward, curious to see if he knew anything about this, but he was looking at me with a raised eyebrow.

"Late to what?"

"Your birthday present!" Esme's muffled yell replied.

I waited. "I need a little more to go on!" I called. Edward chuckled. Instead of answering the door was opened and they stepped out of their room in more casual clothes. I did a double take. Carlisle and Esme just changed faster than I did? I was in awe.

Carlisle grinned as he shuffled down the stairs behind Esme. "Happy 18th birthday! We're going skydiving."

My face lit up in absolute joy. I had been wanting to go skydiving for years, but you couldn't do it until you were 18. I had forgotten about that. But it took three seconds for me to get fired up about it.

My motto; if I was dying, would I want to be able to say I did this?

Like when I ordered a smoothie, my favorite flavor was strawberry, but do I really want to die without trying the mango? Granted that was on a much smaller scale, but still along the lines of the motto. I wasn't an adrenalin junkie or anything; I just wanted to live life. . .on the edge. . .of a plane evidently.

"Seriously?" I asked with the hint of squeal, trying to contain my burning excitement. Esme shook her head up and down vigorously.

And this led us to where we were now. I was skipping into a building in the middle of no where, where I was going to go get ready to go skydiving. The other three were walking behind me, trying to project normality that made up for my lack of it.

Carlisle was talking to the man behind the counter while I looked around at all the pictures taken from thousands of feet in the air. The part I was a little freaked out about was getting my ass strapped to some guys lap and jumping with him. I mean, it's not like I wanted to fly on my own, I just wanted it to be with someone more familiar.

I drifted over to the counter just in time for the nice man to address me. "You're the birthday girl I take it." I smiled politely and shook his hand. But before I could say something to him I noticed that he was staring at Edward's chest. And then before I got weirded out, I realized he was most likely reading the ARMY label on the gray shirt.

"In the service?" My brows furrowed as he talked to Edward. What kind of fucking question is that? I hoped this would not be the guy I was jumping with.

Edward nodded, "on leave."

"Are you jumping today?" The man whose name tag read Kevin inquired.

Edward shook his head, "it's _her_ birthday."

This answer seemed to confuse the man. "Did you go to the Army Airborne School?"

Edward nodded nonchalantly. "Last year, before my deployment," he answered with a shrug.

"You're qualified to jump with her if you should choose. Or she could of course jump with our trained guys." I had been following the exchange between the two of them and I was now looking expectantly at Edward.

Edward looked at me with his own expectant expression. Hell yes I wanted to jump out of an airplane with an army trained soldier who I just happened to be in love with. As I was waiting for him to say something I decided this would be one of those things where I would get my way. Edward was the only guy I wanted to jump out of a plane with.

"Please?" I asked Edward, blinking my eyes up at him. He rolled his eyes at the little display.

Edward's lips formed the start of his crooked grin. "How much do you trust me?"

"Enough," I grinned.

Edward shrugged and then he and Kevin launched into a fast based talk about parachutes as I smiled victoriously. And before long Kevin was leading Edward and I to a locker room of sorts where we could put on our jumpsuits. My heart was racing in sync with my butterfly filled stomach.

"I can't believe you want me to jump out of a plane with you," Edward remarked as he pulled the zipper of the hunter green jumpsuit up to his chin. I pulled my own up before grinning at him.

"I believe it's called a leap of faith," I corrected him, trying hard to sound like a dork with that _fantastic_ cliché.

Edward sighed and shook his head.

Kevin came back in with several other men and women who were wearing the same jumpsuits as us. We were all introduced and shook hands before Kevin went over what to do. I zoned out because he was just addressing the people who were going to be handling the parachute.

With my palms sweating we then boarded a small, compact plane that would be taking us up. I rubbed my hands on the bulky jumpsuit before taking the weird looking helmet and goggles from Kevin. Edward, who was standing next to me, did the same. Once everyone was secured safely with the equipment and sitting down, they got the plane ready for take off.

Edward grabbed my hand and laced his fingers through mine. I looked over at him, looking just as ridiculous as I did, and grinned despite my nerves. He smiled reassuringly at me.

"I passed the airborne course top of my class," he told me so only I could hear him. "We'll be fine, I promise."

I nodded, taking in a breath. I realized how nervous I was, without being that nervous. I wasn't nervous about Edward's capability; I trusted him with my life. But I was concerned about a possible break in a parachute that would send us plummeting to our death.

My ears popped due to the altitude as we started to climb up in the sky. I had been on an airline before, several times, but this small plane didn't glide as effortlessly, it was more choppy and at the same time thrilling. As we climbed up closer to our destination of 14,000 feet I started to wonder if I would chicken out. I knew I would regret it if I did that, but I was worried that I might plead to spare the jump as soon as I looked down.

Next to me Edward let go of my hand and motioned with his hand for me to move in front of him. Tentatively I moved over to sit where he gestured to. He clipped his harness to mine, his fingers lingering softly on mine. I looked around, my heart skipping beats, to see the others doing the same thing.

Edward started to stand and I stood with him, the awkward harness making us walk difficultly to the wide open door. We were whipping through the wind at a neck breaking pace, but it felt – for a moment – so peaceful. The protests to stop and not jump were on my lips, ready to come out in a few seconds. The ground was way to far away; a tree looked like an ant.

I looked out at the blue sky, putting all of my trust in Edward. And then we fell forward.

It was the single most exhilarating moment of my life. All my nerves were left in the airplane as we began our descent down. I let out a thrilled scream. The air was rushing past our faces and the clouds were coming closer and then disappearing as we passed them. It was extremely thrilling yet peaceful in a weird way. Our velocity increased and I was starting to have trouble breathing, it felt something along the lines of sticking your hand out a car window while going 120 mph down a highway, so I just held my breath. I knew we wouldn't be free falling long due to Edward's weight being higher than the other instructors.

In less than 10 seconds our free fall time was over and I felt Edward – who was thankfully still attached to me – reach for the parachute. In a matter of seconds the parachute caught the wind and we went from diving to certain death to lazily floating in the still air. I let out a breathless whoosh of air as I shivered with the excitement from the falling.

Immediately I wanted to be free falling again, and then again. Floating down was interesting but nowhere near as fun as the free falling had been. It was peaceful gliding around the air. I took it all in and craned my neck to see Edward, he was grinning widely, taking in my expression with amusement and some form of elation.

We were swooping in to where the landing field was. We glided down, way too fast I thought, but I trusted that Edward knew what he was doing. At the right moment he pulled a cord and our glide stopped. For a moment there was no gravity and it seemed like we were suspended from the air before we were set gently on the ground, my feet up and Edward catching us.

"Holy shit."

I took in a giant breath, letting the air fill my deprived lungs as Edward balanced us sturdily. Tentatively I put my feet on the ground, testing my balance. I wobbled a little but Edward held me up as he worked to unclip me from him.

"Fuck!" I exclaimed in amazement, turning around as soon as I was free to launch myself at him. I threw my arms around his neck and he caught me with a laugh. "Let's do it again!" I suggested enthusiastically.

"Maybe later," Edward grinned, placing a kiss on my lips. I smiled against his and kissed him back.

A golf cart came to pick us up; we had fallen to the ground about a minute sooner than the other two groups. The driver took us back to the building where Carlisle and Esme were. I had always thought Carlisle would go up with me, and I was curious why he hadn't gone up.

My legs were a little shaky when it was time to get off the cart so Edward wrapped his arm around my waist to help me get my land legs back. Carlisle and Esme were inside the air conditioned room waiting for us to arrive. When we walked in the door they both grinned at me.

"Have fun?" Carlisle asked as Edward and I gave our helmets and goggles back to the women at the counter.

"Lil' bit," I nodded, wanting to relive every moment of the jump again and again. I launched into details, trying to find words to describe the experience but failing horribly to do so. Directly after that, once the rest of the jumpers and instructors were in the building, we went and changed out of our ridiculous suits.

"She likes mine way better than yours," Carlisle said to Esme as they lounged on the couch not seeing we were there yet. I looked at Edward, but he shrugged, not knowing what they were talking about.

"I haven't even given it to her yet," Esme scoffed.

"Doesn't matter," Carlisle smirked confidently. I assumed they were talking about my birthday present. The skydiving was more than enough, but I guess they chose to make it a competition. Before I could eaves drop more, Edward, evidently not as curious as I was, made our presence known.

I had to wait the rest of the day, all the way until dinner, to figure out what Esme's present was. After she cooked my favorite pasta and amazing steak, we were all sitting out on the patio. The sun was beginning to set through the trees, much like the first night Edward had arrived, on his birthday.

Esme had gone in the house to grab drinks and my present. Edward was telling Carlisle about his views on the presidential race. I was not really listening, just looking at the two most important men in my life. My thoughts were beginning to drift to my father. I was starting to think about what he had gotten me for the last birthday I had with him, and that was a place I didn't want to go. Fortunately Esme returned outside with various drinks and an envelope.

"Happy birthday, sweetie," Esme smiled warmly as she set an iced tea and the envelope in front of me. Wasting no time I opened the envelope. I had gotten pretty good at that.

Inside the envelope was a brochure. The brochure had a picture of a pretty, large wooden house on the cover with the words _Duluth Area Nature Retreat_ scrawled on top of it. Duluth was a city in Minnesota a few hours away from where we lived. It was a port city that had ships coming from the ocean through the great lakes. I opened the brochure and pictures of a homey, large cabin were scattered various spots with captions to the side of them. It was a beautiful place located on one of the lower bays of Great Superior Lake.

I looked closer at all the pictures. There was one of an in-home theater with cozy black leathers seats. There was a snapshot of a gorgeous pink sunset reflecting on the water. There was a game room with a pool table and other little games, like a pinball machine. And there was a hot tub on the porch over-looking the vast lake.

"You're going up for a two night stay! With whomever you want! It sleeps 12 people, but Carlisle and I both have to work and can't get time off. So, you're 18, you get to be off on your own! It's tomorrow night and the night after," Esme said excitedly, living vicariously through me apparently. I looked up at her incredulously. My jaw refrained from dropping.

"Really?" I asked. I was making sure she was actually serious about it. And if she was then I would get completely excited about it.

"Really really!" Esme beamed. And then my mouth did fall open. And then it spread into a giant smile.

"Oh my God, thank you!" I launched myself from my chair at Esme, giving her a grateful hug. She laughed and hugged me back.

"Now the only question is, whose present do you like the best?" Carlisle asked, completely serious after I settled back in my chair. I had to give the man credit; he had to know that there was no doubt I would take Edward and only Edward with me. And he was pretty calm about it.

"Just remember who buys your tampons when you make your decision," Esme sang, even with all the confidence in her voice. I rolled my eyes.

I looked at both of them seriously, "thank you both so much. I love you guys and this was an amazing birthday." Carlisle smiled fondly at me like a proud papa.

Esme on the other hand. . .

"What? Spoken like a politician! I expect an actual answer after you get back from your _lovely_ stay in Duluth. And I expect that answer to be in my favor!" Esme exclaimed, outraged by my dodging on the question. Edward chuckled and I just sighed. Esme was about to continue on with her rant but Carlisle stood up dutifully and pulled his wife out of the lawn chair. We watched as he pulled her along into the house, leaving Edward and I alone.

"Are you excited?" Edward asked with a lazy grin, moving his eyes to the brochure. I smiled brightly with my teeth in response. He chuckled while gently pulling my arm toward him. I moved towards him, standing up out of my chair and moving to his lap, my legs going over his, each of ours in opposite directions. I swung my arm around his shoulders and he wrapped his arms around my waist and rested them there.

"I have a present for you too. It isn't nearly as extravagant as Carlisle and Esme's though," Edward said, and although Edward was always confident, there was an underlying of nerves in his voice. Not knowing what to say in response I simply nodded, urging him to continue.

One of Edward's hands dropped from my waist and went to his neck. He pulled on the small chain that's charm was hidden under his shirt. As he raised it off of his neck I saw that he was taking off his army issued dog tags. My eyes widened as his other hand moved away from my waist to put the chain around my neck. The metal was still warm from Edward as the chain settled around my neck.

Edward's arms settled around me as I looked down at the tag my fingers going up to brush it. I started to protest half heartedly. "Edward, I can't take th-"

"-is without giving you an awesome kiss," Edward finished for me. For the record, if it wasn't obvious, I was not going to say that. I blushed from my rudeness and leaned in to press my lips against his. His lips met mine as if we had been doing this for years. I had to pull away because I didn't want to get too carried away with Carlisle and Esme.

Edward gazed at me passionately, his eyes serious, no longer joking. "I want you to have it. And when I see other guys with theirs I'll think about you. And when you look at it, I want you to think about me and how much I love you. I want you to remember that I'll come home. I will get back to you."

I blinked at him, suddenly overwhelmed with the urge to tear up. I continued to blink rapidly, surprised at the emotion coursing through me. I nodded, biting my lips and starring into his eyes. There were moments that none of this seemed real, it seemed like I was living someone else's life and not my mediocre one. And I was so glad Edward was thoughtful enough to realize that, and give me something that I would cling to when he was gone.

I looked down at the tag that read his name, social security number, division and religious preference. I continued to look at it as I spoke. "You know," I started in a quiet voice, "this is my favorite present." Then I looked up at him, trying to communicate how much I loved him.

"Meeting you was mine," Edward whispered, his lips turning up into a small grin.

I don't know why I said the thing I did after that. I mean, it was a step that every relationship took eventually, but I don't know why I chose that moment to talk to him about it. It just felt right.

"Edward. . .I want one more thing for my birthday," I whispered, scared to an extent of his reaction.

"Yeah?" he asked. I looked into his eyes, he had already decided to get or do whatever I may ask him. I thought about the pictures of the lake house, and the large bedroom overlooking the lake. Hundreds of scenarios flashed through my mind, all involving Edward and I completely together, making love.

"I want all of you."

* * *

_I've been roaming around, I was looking down at all I see_  
_Painted faces fill the places I can't reach_  
_You know that I could use somebody_  
_You know that I could use somebody_

_Someone like you and all you know and how you speak_  
_Countless lovers under cover of the street_  
_You know that I could use somebody_  
_You know that I could use somebody_  
_Someone like you_  
Use Somebody, Kings of Leon

* * *

-Lemon next chapter! I'm sure you have mixed feelings about this and what Esme did. I know Esme's crazy/unrealistic. It's fanfiction, let the teenage girls dream of having her. Oh, and. Bella is a teenager. Teenagers have sex. I don't think I can put it plainer than that...  
-My golf season starts in a few days, as does my betas. So, don't hate me if the next eightish chapters are late or not editted as well, I'll do by best!  
-I'm off to antisocially enjoy Harry Potter Weekend(: Have a good week!


	24. Chapter 24

I threw a bunch of clothes on my bed and huffed. It was around noon and Edward and I would be leaving in a couple hours to Duluth, all expenses paid (thank you Esme.) And now I was packing a suitcase and had no fucking clue what I was supposed to bring. I wanted the weekend to be about me and Edward, I wanted him to enjoy it and I wanted to feel pretty myself. It had taken Edward some convincing yesterday, but he finally came around. And now I was as excited as I had been skydiving, but I was also just a little freaked out. I was in the process of selecting a swimsuit when I was interrupted. I was a little tense and the simplest thing made me want to screen.

"Bella?" Esme called from somewhere in the upstairs. I huffed yet again, this time making it even more dramatic.

"What?" I grit my teeth and asked loud enough for her to hear me. Esme's caramel head of hair popped into the frame of the door.

"Got a minute?" she asked, completely oblivious to my utter frustration. My teeth grounded further into each other.

"Sure." She turned out the door and I assumed I was supposed to follow her. She walked to the end of the hall, past Edward's bedroom where he was laying in his bed texting on his new phone, he looked up when I passed and smiled crookedly. I continued to follow Esme until we got to Carlisle's office, the last door. Diffident about what was about to occur I walked in it with her.

Carlisle was sitting as his desk, dressed ready for his shift at the hospital. Esme went to perch on the arm rest of his chair while I sat down across from them. I had the sense I was about to get lectured.

Esme stared at me, making me wonder what I had done. But then the hint of a smirk played across her lips which told me this was going to be bad. Angry Esme is way better than amused Esme. Wordlessly Carlisle pulled open a drawer to his desk and rummaged through it until he found what he was looking for and pulled it out into view. My eyes widened as a box of Trojan condoms landed on the desk with a thud.

I shuddered. I didn't even want to think about why he them in his desk.

This was just the way my life went. I had come to accept it. Carlisle and Esme were insane people and I loved them and their comical –only from a bystander's perspective- ways. This was just one of those things that had been coming. I wasn't even surprised. Instead I just stared in boredom at the box.

"Are you suggesting something?" I asked in an uninterested monotone. Esme bit her lip as her shoulders shook. Carlisle's eyebrows shot up in surprise to my lack of reaction. Then he frowned and folded his hands together, sitting up straighter.

Carlisle cleared his throat, staring me in the eyes, trying to appear with authority. "Despite my protests, Esme has given you a perfect weekend away from us. Despite my hopes you asked Edward to go with. And despite my _prayers_ I assume you may in engage in activities that could lead to pregnancy-"

"And herpes!" Esme interjected cheerily.

Carlisle frowned deeper and looked like he was fighting an eye roll due to his wife. Then he sat up impossibly straighter and continued. "As I was saying, sex can have consequences. You got the depo shot two months ago, so that will most likely protect you from pregnancy and making myself, Edward, and Esme suffer the ordeal-"

"I'd be fine with an Esme Masen," Esme interrupted with a shrug.

Carlisle slapped his hand against his forehead and ran it down his face. Then he looked back up, trying to remain serious despite the exasperation in his eyes. "_Anyway_, I want you to have these-"

"Ha! Yeah right," Esme snatched the box up after I made no move to take it myself. There was no way I was going to touch their emergency supply.

Carlisle leaned in towards Esme and started to whisper vigorously into each others ears. I wasn't trying to pick up what they were saying, I didn't really care. I was actually thinking about what bras I should pack. But I did hear Carlisle's particularly whiny voice complain, "_Come on_ Es! We agreed; united front. And then you went and threw in herpes."

"Herpes needed to be thrown in!" Esme argued, her voice get louder than his to the point where it was even really whispering anymore. I cleared my throat, letting them know I could hear them. They both looked up, startled. Then Carlisle looked at Esme who nodded sheepishly and put the box of condoms back on the desk, willing the sacrifice.

I raised my eyebrows. "Okay, yeah, thanks. But I'll pass. I bet Edward has his own stash. And if not. . .we'll import some from Canada. Anything other than the ones you two crazy cats need. Now, can I go?" Carlisle blinked rapidly at me. Then he nodded, raising his eyebrows. Without another word I stood from my chair and walked out the door.

I was being rude to them, and it could appear that I was a little on the cranky side. But I was just stressed. I had a closet full of clothes and absolutely nothing to wear. And I was anxious for tonight. But it was mostly the clothes thing.

Four hours later Edward and I were pulling out of the driveway with Edward driving my truck. Edward was quiet, but maybe it was because he sensed that I was stressed.

For the past four hours I had been a little crazy, and I could admit that. It literally took me 25 minutes to pick a bra to wear. And even now I wasn't sure I made the right choice. And then I had to think about lingerie, I did have an unused stash of it that I had accumulated from Victoria Secret over the years, but how was I suppose to do that? Was I supposed to wear it and jump him, or was I supposed to just walk out, bearing it all? I packed a little of everything just in case. My stomach felt like it was permanently going to be in a giant bundle of twists and knots.

After the bra crisis was over I went into the bathroom and looked into the mirror. Was I supposed to curl my hair? Straighten it? I was going to be wearing a little make up, but what was too much? And then back to the hair! Maybe I could put it into a pony…but that would be uncomfortable lying down…we would be lying down…right?

Would by head be against a surface and Edward on top of me? The thought made me shiver with eagerness. I didn't want to be on top, I would feel awkward. Though a bunch of girls said it hurt less when you are on the top. Shit, how bad was it going to hurt? I promised myself I wouldn't cry no matter if it did hurt that bad. I didn't want Edward to get freaked out. I wanted this.

So for the next few hours I was pretty much freaking out about everything. I mean everything possible I was freaking out about. I wished it would have been a more spontaneous of an occasion. I didn't want this to feel forced and not full of love like it should be.

An hour into our trip I hadn't said much at all to Edward. Actually the only thing I had said was, "Why does Miley Cyrus suck so much?" and had turned the radio channel immediately. Edward didn't know who Miley Cyrus was, he hadn't gotten word that she was also Hannah Montana, so he didn't make much of a comment. And I went back to staring out the window.

I was watching a hawk chase another hawk across the sky when Edward turned down the radio slightly. I had been thinking about candles; if they were better than natural lighting or if they would burn down the general forestry. But if they were better than I would have to go buy some, and I didn't know which ones to buy! I sighed quietly and glanced at Edward. He kept glancing from the road to me, his face expectant.

"Are you okay snicker doodle?" he raised his eyebrows after I didn't say anything, looking at the road and then back at me in concern.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," I rushed to reassure.

Edward's eyes narrowed slightly, not believing me one bit, but also not calling me out. "Are you hungry?" Actually I was a little bit. But I didn't want to eat some fast food and feel bloated later.

"Nah," I shook my head.

Edward's got narrower this time him wanting to see that he didn't believe me. "You ate an apple for lunch, four hours ago."

"I had an energy bar before we left," I protested pathetically.

Instead of arguing with me farther he just left out a large, defeated sigh and stared out at the road. I sighed quietly once more; I had just made him mad. Great.

I chewed on my lip for the next eight miles, wondering what I should say to apologize. I felt bad for not thinking about Edward and what he was feeling all day. He had not wanted to this yesterday. But he was going to do it for me, because I wanted this, and I was being a bitch.

Unknowingly my lips began to quiver. Edward however did notice. I was looking out my window when he snatched my hand into his and gripped it with tight gentleness. "Hey," he said, concerned. He rubbed his thumb against the back of my hand soothingly. I blinked a few times and looked hesitantly over at him.

"What's wrong?"

I shook my head, not knowing what to say but also not trusting my voice.

"Hey. Bella. Talk to me," he pleaded softly, staring directly into my eyes, silently urging me to confide in him.

"I'm just-" I stopped, took a breath, "it's nothing. I'm fine."

"No," he pressed, "you're just what?" I pressed my lips together, mad at myself for not being able to tell him everything running through my mind. I didn't want to scare him away.

"Are you afraid?" Edward asked softly, his voice full of the wish to understand.

I shook my head back and forth profusely, "No, I'm just," I paused and searched for the right word, "overwhelmed."

Edward's grip on my hand tightened slightly. "Bella, maybe this is too much. Don't get me wrong I want this too. But I'll be back, and when I come back, I'll stay and you won't have to deal with me leaving soon."

"No Edward. I'm excited too, I just need to relax," I gave him a somewhat convincing smile. And when that didn't change his frown, I also frowned and gave him a look, begging him not to press the issue.

And thankfully he didn't.

Instead we spent the next two hours of the ride in almost comfortable silence. Edward didn't let go of my hand the entire ride. Except when he pulled into a dirt road where he revealed some food that he had brought. It wasn't fast food, so I decided to humor him with compliancy. I noticed him texting someone but didn't say anything, because it really didn't spark my interest. I was too busy thinking about sheets. Do we go under them? Or not?

After we finished our small snack Edward continued to drive. I didn't go to Duluth often; I hadn't personally driven there so I didn't have the best idea of what roads we should be taking. So when Edward took an exit off the highway we were traveling on, I didn't think anything of it.

And then he took a series of other turns that caused me to sit up straighter in my seat. I didn't recognize this from our previous drives. I also didn't think Edward knew his way around that well yet. But I just watched as he turned down a series of other roads like he drove this everyday.

Then he drove down a dirt road which I was absolutely positive I had never been on. Finally after we traveled down the bumpy stretch he turned the engine off. The road had ended in a large circle that looked like it could be used to part multiple cars. There was a path that had the same worn dirt as the road that lead into the trees.

"Where are we?" I asked uncertainly as Edward unbuckled his seat belt. I followed suit. He held up a finger and opened the door letting him out. He then jogged around the front to open my door for me and help me down.

"Detour," he smiled the tension that had been building up in the truck dissolved when the door opened. I was just thrilled that he wasn't angry with me, so I took his hand and jumped out of the car.

I followed him, my hand latched with his as he walked around to the bed of the truck. He leaned in and pulled out two fleece blankets from our house that were folded nicely. I raised an eyebrow as he tucked them under his arm and started to tug me in the direction of the path.

"Where are we?" I asked curiously, my mood improving greatly with the wilderness air.

"A few miles out of Duluth," Edward said vaguely, lacing his fingers through mine. I watched our arms swing together in pace with our walking.

"I didn't exactly plan for a hike," I pointed out, looking down at my sandals. I said it mostly just to give him a hard time, which is what we did to each other.

"It's not a long hike," Edward promised, his signature crooked grin spreading across his face.

And true to his word it wasn't. We walked through the bright green canopying trees and wildflowers for only about fifteen minutes. Some of this was spent in light conversation, the rest in comfortable silence.

We reached the end of the trail and suddenly we were on a cliff. The water was directly ahead of us, but about 400 feet down until you could actually reach it. It was still very grassy until there was solid rock a few feet from the edge. The trees were still huddling over us protectively. And when I looked from one side to the next I saw more cliff and forest lining. I knew we were overlooking Lake Superior, since Edward had said it was only a few miles out from Duluth.

I hadn't noticed Edward letting go of my hand, I was too engulfed by the scenery. When I did realize it, I looked back behind me to see him spreading the blanket down on the grass. He looked up at me smiled softly. I returned the gesture and walked the few steps toward him.

"So how did you find this place?" I wondered aloud.

Edward sat down gracefully on the blanket and patted his side. I sat down next to him as he answered, "Jasper is quite resourceful." Ah, that had been who he was texting. Well, I thought with a mental shrug, made sense.

"It's stunning," I told him, leaning back against my arms, looking at his face which was golden from the setting sun. Edward smiled distractedly, looking out at the waves rolling in lazily.

I waited for him to say whatever he had to, knowing that face. I looked back up at when him when he started to talk, "Bella, I want you to know how much I love you. I know I'm not the perfect man for you to fall in love with, far from it, but somehow we're together. And you need to know how glad I am that we are. You were everything to me while I was still in Iraq."

I pursed my lips, watching as Edward looked away from the lake and at me. I came him a soft smile, wondering how on earth I ever wound up in this position. Then I leaned in and pressed my lips against his lovingly. I pulled back for a moment, "You're wrong," I whispered against his lips before pressing mine against them again. "You are the perfect man."

Before Edward could respond, probably in disagreement, I pressed my lips once more against his, but this time I can my tongue against his lips. His mouth instantly opened and my heart started pounding faster as our kiss deepened and a wild sense of desire was kindled in me.

Gradually, not breaking our intense kiss I moved. I placed one knee on one side of his legs and the other opposite of it. I moved my hands up his chest to his face where I placed them on each side of his face, holding his face against mine. All the while his hands wound down my back to softly but firmly hold my ass. When he flexed his fingers, squeezing my butt I groaned and involunantarily ground against his lap.

Kneeing in the position that I was, I could feel the affect I was having on Edward. His erection was hard and prominent against the inside of my thigh. I smirked against his lips as he groaned having felt my grinding. We broke away, both of us entirely breathless. Edward moved down my neck kissing and sucking in sensitive places making me throw my head back, granting him a wider access.

I moaned as his tongue trailed along the spot underneath my ear, that having struck a particularly pleasing nerve. Having gotten control of my breathing once more, I roughly moved his face back up to mine and our lips crashed together again. When our tongues met once more, him and I both groaned. Edward's hands wound under my shirt slowly sliding up against my bare skin until the reached wear my bra was. Just having his hands ghosting under my breasts make my shiver with pleasure, feeling moist heat in my panties.

Edward's hands dropped from my breasts, just after lightly ghosting over my bra. Without ever breaking our fierce kiss he went down to the hem of my shirt and helped me pull it over my head. Our kiss broke for only a second before his mouth attacked my again.

Abruptly, so fast that I hadn't even realized it was happening Edward had moved so that he was slowly laying me down against the blanket. My bare back with the exception of my bra straps laid back against the soft fleece blankets. Now it was Edward who had his knees on either side of my me.

I than realized he had way too many clothes on. Before he could go back to my neck I was pulling his own shirt over his head, trying to do it swiftly without awkwardness. I had seen Edward shirtless plenty of times…but God. Does it over get old? Breathing heavily, I ran my hands down his hard muscular chest lightly, making Edward close his eyes and shiver lightly.

When he opened them again, I noticed for the first time the lust and desire burning deeply in the green eyes of his. I squirmed under him, thrilled at how much he wanted me.

Before long both of us had shed our pants and we were left only in underwear. Edward was leaning on his elbows above me, running his hand on the side of his face while we kissed. Feeling devious I moved my hands on his back slowly before coming to the hem of boxers. I fingered them hem as Edward slowed down our vigorous kiss, curious as to what I was going to do. With a glint in my eyes I started to pull them down, his large cock springing free. I pulled them down until they were at the length that he could just kick them off.

I couldn't help but look down between us at his manhood. Edward raised slightly up, watching me look at him. When I looked back I raised an eyebrow with a small smile on my tender lips.

"That's supposed to fit?" I asked rhetorically. Edward chuckled and nuzzled his nose against mine.

"In theory," he smirked. I rolled my eyes and shook my head.

I couldn't ignore the ache in between my legs as I rubbed my thighs together, needed some type of friction. Edward had moved so that he was propped on one elbow and his other hand was sliding under my back. I arched my back up to give him better access to my bra clasp. With great skill, Edward matched to unhook the clasp and since I was wearing a strapless bra he gently pulled it away from my body leaving me completely exposed to him.

With my hands running lightly through his hair, I watched his reaction. At first he didn't even look down to my breasts, he was looking at me adoringly. I smiled, fighting the self consciousness I was feeling. Really, I had nothing to feel self confident about. I had had breasts since I was 12, and I didn't think there was a single thing wrong with me being confident in my bra size.

Edward's eyes didn't change, and he didn't make any sudden movements as his eyes lowered. The only movement there was, was our chests rising and falling in sync. Then, very slowly he leaned his head down and placed a kiss in between my two breasts.

My eyes fluttered closed his face trailed up to my right breast and his other hand fondled my left breasts. I groaned and wiggled under him, growing wetter at the sensation. My eyes almost flew open when his lips found their way onto my nipple, taking the rosy bud in his warm mouth. The ache between my legs was growing impossibly more unbearable.

I moaned loudly as he sucked harder making me arch my back up, desiring more. The sensation was enough to drive me insane. I fisted his hair and tugged lightly. And when I thought my senses couldn't go into more of an overdrive, his hand that had been teasing my breasts and rubbing my other nipple did something else. I gasped loudly as his fingers lightly pinched the bud, sending electricity down to my core.

"Edward," I moaned, raising my back even higher off of the ground. All conscious thoughts had left my mind the moment his lips found my breast. Now I was just making primal noises that I didn't seem to care I was making. His lips released me before trailing his tongue across the valley of my breasts and taking my other bud into his mouth. This time though, he ever so lightly used his teeth, making me cry out with pleasure.

I ground my legs against his cock, desperately in need of sustaining. He responded my rubbing his length over slowly up and down my panties making him groan at my heat.

Before I knew what was happening, Edward's mouth released me and his free hand went down to pull my panties off of my legs, but not before waiting for a look from me. I was left laying completely exposed in front of him. I could honestly say that I did not feel weird or even uncomfortable. Edward's held nothing but love and passion for me. Why would I create irrational feelings of rejection when none existed?

Keeping his eyes locked with him, his hand traveled down between us and very lightly, he touched the aching part of my body. I groaned as his fingers touched my wet lips. I hadn't realized how wet I actually was.

"God," I moaned in desperation, I needed the need to be sustained.

I felt his hard on rub against my thigh and though I wanted to do something for him, something told me he was ready for me, just as I was ready to receive him. By now I was rubbing my legs fiercely to creation any friction. I whimpered and he chuckled patiently before moving his hands down to open up my thighs. I was reluctant for the friction to stop but his warm strong hands guided them open for him.

Sweat was on our bodies as he slowly moved into me. I was taken aback by the feeling and cried out. It wasn't painful persay, it just felt...intrusive. Edward stilled above me, watching me carefully.

I closed my eyes as my head fell to the side, I let out a breathless laugh, "If this is it, I'll be disappointed."

I opened my eyes to see Edward rolling his eyes, his concern fading slightly. "You're okay?" I nodded. "I love you." I grinned.

With my assurance, Edward slowly continued to slide into me, stretching me the farther he went. I wouldn't say it was painful, just kind of uncomfortable. I let my nails dig into his biceps as he concentrated on pushing into me all the way.

Edward stopped moving and I was sure he had gotten all the way in. Here's the thing, a few years ago my hymen broke when I went horseback riding. Sex isn't suppose to be painful if done right. Edward wasn't some 15 year old fumbling boy, he knew what he was doing, and I trusted him with my body. After a few moments of Edward stilling, I was ready for more.

I met his eyes, and he must have seen my twinkling lust as he started to slowly pull out and then push back in with enough force to make me moan. Edward got a steady rythm of pushing into me so that after just a few times, my body was starting to respond in primitive ways. I threw my head to the side, groaning as Edward hit a particularly sensitive spot. I unvoluntarily clenched my walls and Edward responded the soft, "Shit," and moan.

I felt it everywhere in my body as we pushed against each other. My core coiled tightly and I squeezed around him. Edward's lips captured mine as they had done so many times and I responded eagerly, letting out more moans at the things my body was feeling.

His mouth left mine and traveled down once again to my breast. I knew what was coming, but it didn't stop me from letting out a loud, "Ahh!" as Edward's lips sucked on my nipple. I arched my body up instinctively. I groaned, I was so close, the energy that had been building up felt as if it would make me explode. With one final thrust I came. I can't say exactly what was happening in my mind at the time, I just knew that what I was feeling was the most natual, most amazing thing a person could.

When it was over I felt as if I would never be able to regain my breath. My chest heaved as Edward, who had been letting out loud yells of ecstasy of his own, let his head fall next to mine, gasping for breath himself.

Finally and somewhat miraculously, we were able to get our labored breathing under control. Edward managed it before I did, and when I let out a final sigh he was positively beaming at me.

"Holy shit," I breathed, closing my eyes and smiling.

I felt a hand tuck a stray moist strand of hair behind my ear and opened my eyes. Edward leaned down and placed a tender, loving kiss softly on my lips. I was aware of the stunning sunset over the horizon from our spot on the cliff, but nothing was more stunning than the man gazing down at me, completely in love.

"And just think," he smiled softly, "we can do that for the rest of our lives."

* * *

_I wanna break every clock_  
_The hands of time could never move again_  
_We could stay in this moment (stay in this moment)_  
_For the rest of our lives_  
_Is it over now hey, hey, is it over now_

_I wanna be your last, first kiss_  
_That you'll ever have (that you'll ever have)_  
_I wanna be your last, first love (that you'll ever have)_  
_Till you're lying here beside me with arms and eyes open wide_  
_I wanna be your last, first kiss for all time_  
Anberlin, Inevitable

* * *

-Was this a realistic first time? Nope. Is this a fanfiction. Yep. Do most people have a problem with that? Nope. For that, I'm glad(:  
-Clarification: Bella's nerves at the beginning of the chapter was mostly just a filler. I didn't feel like doing a lemon the entire chapter. She wasn't concerned about the act of sex itself, just the specifics. Some could say she was being immature. But really, Edward doesn't expect her to be 30. He's never thought of her as immature.  
-Some sadness next chapter, the last chapter with Edward home...on that cheery note, have a good weekend!


	25. Chapter 25

"Wake up beautiful," a soft adoring voice coaxed. I felt my hair being brushed back lightly. A smile flittered across my face. My eyes blinked open to see Edward's face smiling softly at me. He had his head propped up with his elbow and was resting on the white pillows, bare-chested.

"Mmm," I hummed as I stretched my legs out. I wasn't quite anticipating the soreness in between in my legs. It felt something along the lines of the first time I had rode a horse, when I woke up I had been so stiff. I wasn't awake enough to be startled, and when I looked back at Edward the memories that led to the soreness flowed through my mind.

Last night. I grinned sleepily. Edward had been so tender and loving that my decision to give myself to him was only reassured. I don't know if his intention had been to wind up making love on a cliff at sunset. But whether it was or wasn't didn't make a difference to the perfection of my first time.

My toes curled at the thought of Edward. I had never experienced the sensations he made me feel yesterday. They were amazing and just thinking about his lips and hands made me shiver with pleasure, and anticipation. I realized that we could do that for the rest of our lives. Oh the possibilities. . .

"Hi," I grinned, speaking quietly because loud voices would disrupt our content bubble.

"Hey," he smiled back. I closed my eyes as he leaned in to place a kiss on my forehead. When he moved back, I opened my eyes and scooted into him, wanting contact. Edward's arms wrapped around my naked body while he settled back against the pillows with me against his chest.

He buried his face in my hair. "How are you?" he asked quietly yet full of concern.

I hummed as I snuggled closer against his warm muscular chest, "Incredible," I breathed.

"You'd tell me if you felt any pain," Edward stated. I wasn't sure if it was a question or a demand. But it didn't matter. I nodded against him.

"I love you," I said placidly.

The grip Edward had on me tightened while remaining soft and protective, "You've given me the meaning of love." I turned my head up so I could place a kiss on his marvelous lips. He broke away before I did and tucked my head under his chin.

This was the strangest thing. It did not feel like this was my life. It felt like this should be done by actors and scripted by Oscar winners. But this was me, and here I had a man who loved me so painfully much and knew all the right things to say in any occasion.

I had expected that we would become closer, I mean sex does that. But I didn't expect to feel so utterly connected with Edward's soul. Three days ago I could have told him anything, it might have been awkward and I might have felt uncomfortable but I could talk to him. But now, I wanted him to know my deepest secrets, I wanted him to know what I thought about the most intimate of things. We had been together, completely vulnerable and as a result I trusted him impossibly more.

"I'm glad I waited for you," I mumbled, closing my eyes again.

"So am I," he kissed my head to accent the point, "so am I."

After about an hour of rolling around in bliss under the sheets together we agreed it was time for breakfast. Without a thought I slipped out of the warm bed and was met with the cool air wrapping around my skin. Edward's bag was lying discarded on the side of the bed I had slept on so I walked toward it and unzipped it. I grabbed the shirt on top and slid it on over my body.

Edward, clad in a pair of boxers looked at me as I met him in the kitchen, with nothing but his dress shirt on. I blushed shyly, ducking my head. Edward paused for a second, not moving. I felt is eyes on me. "Don't take this the wrong way, but you look really fucking sexy."

I bit my lip and smiled up at him. He was grinning crookedly at me from where he stood in the kitchen. I padded across the wooden floor to perch on the stool at the counter. Edward was pouring some kind of juice in a class. I raised an eyebrow as he handed it to me.

"Cranberry juice," he answered as I took the glass lightly out of his hand.

I was about to tell him that I hated that juice with such a ferocious passion when I stopped. I had read about the effects of cranberry in one of Esme's women magazines. "And why am I drinking cranberry juice?" I asked, not taking a sip of it, but instead grimacing at it.

Edward obviously had read the same magazine as I had. He winked with a cocky smirk. "I was planning on having more fun this weekend."

I can't say I wasn't pleasantly surprised. I had been worried that Edward would be freaking out about the whole "losing virginity" thing and wouldn't touch me again. But I was so glad he wouldn't be asking how I felt every five seconds. That would be like giving someone the best piece of cake in the world and telling them they could only have a lick of the frosting.

I just smiled brightly at him. And then I gulped down the god forsaken juice.

Edward and I had a perfect weekend. It was probably some of the best days of my life, and if not, definitely in the top ten. But then again, that ten all consisted of days I was with him. We went to some of the lighthouses in the Duluth area and went hiking to some secluded waterfalls. Then we ate at a few gorgeous restaurants, Edward insisting he had the need to treat me.

And then when we weren't out on the bustling town or outside on the lake we were inside, in our bedroom. Sex was awesome.

I mean plain and simple, it was the most fun thing ever. Edward blew me away. I didn't have any expectations because I had no one that I would compare him to. But that didn't mean I wasn't positive that no one had it as good as me. He really was completely amazing. He was the most tender, gentle lover. But he was also fun; he laughed and said things that made me laugh, and he also was rough with a softness beneath it at the right times. I was certain that some high school jock had nothing on Edward. Edward made me feel, without a doubt, the most coveted women on the planet.

On our last morning there, I woke up alone. I looked around, wondering where the hell Edward had gone. But when I looked out the window overlooking the lake I saw Edward in a t-shirt and boxers leaning against the railing of the porch, unmoving. Curious and slightly concerned, I wrapped one of the blankets around my body, covering myself on the off chance of being seen. Then I went out through the sliding door and out into the crisp morning air. Edward must have heard the door, but he didn't turn, he just continued to stare out at the still blue water.

"Why'd you leave?" I asked as I leaned against the railing next to him, mirroring his position.

"I didn't know you'd wake up this early," he said without turning to face me.

"What's on your mind?" I asked.

"The future," Edward said, his emotions kept well hidden from his tone and me.

"Oh," I said. I hated thinking about the future, it honestly scared me. But I hated thinking about the past because it made me rather doleful. I tended to live life day to day, which was sometimes nice but other times a weakness.

"And what have you come up with?" I asked, almost frightened. But I wanted to know. We had never really broached the subject of what would happen when he returned next June. Mostly because the thought, "return next June," scared the shit out of me.

"Nothing. I have no clue what I want to happen, other than you," he finally looked over at me, I met his gaze and tried to understand him through his eyes. It wasn't often when Edward was unsure, or even, -though the tiniest amount- frightened.

"Well, you have me." I slipped my arms around one of his comfortingly, all the while trying to keep my blanket up. "And even though I don't want you to go, you're leaving in a week. We'll have plenty of time to decide what we're going to do after that." I rested my head on his bicep.

Edward didn't say anything for a long time. Instead he just rested his head on top of mine. And we stood there in the rising morning sun, unmoving.

"Do you want me to stay in the army?" The words were asked with a curious vulnerbility. I could tell he hadn't made a decision yet. And I knew what I said would affect that. I thought slowly, choosing my words carefully. I had feelings, but I wasn't going to let them stop him.

"I am so, incredibly proud of you. You are strong and brave. And I know you do what's right. And you're also stubborn as hell; I know in the end you'll do what you want. And I'll support you."

Edward nuzzled my cheek with his nose and made me crack a smile. "You're lying. You have a yes or no answer."

"Not a definite one. . ." I grinned, leaning up to place a butterfly kiss on his lips. He surprised me and held my lips to his, entering into the beginning of a very passionate kiss.

"We have a couple hours till we need to be gone," Edward breathed against my face as he broke away for air before going to kiss and nip the skin on my neck. His voice was husky and full of lust that accented his desire filled eyes.

"How convieient for you," I said saucily as my instincts began to kick my thoughts out.

"What?" he asked as his tongue slid out behind my ear after he nipped at my ear lobe.

In answer to his question I moved my arms away from his and spread them out. He looked me, his eyes full of passion and wondering what I was doing. With a sly grin I dropped the blanket and it fell away from my body, completely exposing me. Edward's eyes widened as I smirked. Then he attacked my lips with his while his hands went down to cup my ass, covering it from the peeping birds and squirrels. And that was that.

I was sad to leave the house. I loved Duluth and I had gotten very attached to the house. I mean, the first house you walk around naked in will stick with you your entire life. . .well maybe not. But I didn't want to go back to reality; I didn't want to go home to Carlisle and Esme or anyone for that matter. I didn't want to leave because that would mean I would be closer to Edward leaving.

But our drive home was nice. We listened to music and talked about the current stuff, our favorite genres and such. Then we talked about the classes I would be taking in the fall and what colleges I was looking at so far. I loved having someone listen whole heartedly to me talk. And Edward was interested in what I had to say, he listen well and asked questions occasionally which kept me speaking for hours. I was almost surprised when we pulled into the driveway.

The rest of the afternoon passed by without much of anything happening. Carlisle and Esme, well Esme, wanted to hear about the house and what we did (sightseeing terms.) And then after a nice small dinner we all went off to bed. I hadn't really realized that Edward would still be sleeping in his room. I spent most of the time getting ready for bed contemplating if I should go into his room. I was sure Carlisle would not be thrilled and Esme might not be either. But I didn't want to waste any nights I had with Edward in the country.

I crawled into my bed, missing Edward already, even though he was three doors down. I laid there in the dark for a few minutes. And then finally I decided to screw it, I was about to the throw the covers of my bed off and march down the hallway –in a very _quiet_ march- when I heard a noise.

It was coming from outside in the backyard where I had a small deck overlooking the yard. I slid out of bed and walked across the room to the door that led to the porch. I hated night time because I was always convinced there was a murderer in the house, even though it had gotten better with Edward. Braving the night, I opened the door and stepped outside in the breeze and looked off the balcony.

And alas there was Edward.

Climbing up a rope suspended from the balcony.

_Should have seen this coming. . ._

"Edward!" I hissed, not sure if Carlisle and Esme's window was opened, "what the hell are you doing?"

"What the fuck does it look like I am doing?" he snapped in frustration. Point of clarification here; he was climbing using a ski rope. A very thin one. Not like the ones used in your gym class. And it didn't seem to be working out too well. "I'm sneaking into your room!"

"See…that's why people, -just in general- _use doors_!"

"Shut up and appreciate the Disney princess aspect of this gesture," Edward complained as he started to get up the thin rope.

"You know," I started, suddenly feeling very sassy, "for someone who went through military training, you think you'd be just a little quicker with this."

"I'm sure the army would be thrilled to know I'm using their skills in the real world," Edward said, his voice oozing with sarcasm.

"More like. . . _attempting_," I reworded for him, a smirk threatening to come out, "and clearly failing by the way."

"Holy shit. Shut up; it's like one in the morning and here I am climbing up your windowsill like Prince fucking Charming and you are mocking me!" Edward griped being unintentionally comical.

"You know, I never really got the whole fantasy of Prince Charming. Disney guys in general taught only sexism, strength, and dominance to determine masculinity and as a result the young smart boys of today whose mother's made them watch those movies will feel physically inadequate and in the end result in violence. Plus Prince Charming taught girls if they're helpless some rich guy will definitely come in and save them." I told Edward, completely serious.

Edward, still wrestling to get up the rope froze. I looked down curiously as he stared at me shock _and then_ exasperation _and then_ annoyance.

"What. The. Hell. You've got to be fucking kidding me Bella."

I raised my eyebrows as he began his struggle again. Then I shook my head. "No, I was serious. Maybe if you were going for a more manly approach, I wouldn't be mocking you."

"Bella?"

"Yeah?" I asked with bright oblivion.

"Stop talking."

Once Edward managed to actually get on to the balcony I let him in the bedroom, glad he was here, though not above teasing him. I was flattered he had something against doors. I didn't want to sleep in my bed alone, I wanted to cuddle with him and fall asleep in his warmth. And that's exactly what I did.

Edward snuck into my bedroom for the next week leading up to his departure. The one time I was feeling risky enough for a quick. . .session. . .Edward decided that he suddenly feared Carlisle. I tried to tell him _no, he's a doctor, he's really not intimidating, and he's down with the whole losing virginity thing._ But Edward was adamant; Carlisle was a doctor and could in fact kill him and make it look like an accident. _So_. We mostly just laid in each other's arms.

The week was actually nice. I had been surprised, thinking that it would be awful and we would both be so depressed that we would consume our weight in ice cream while watching The Office marathon, _but_, no such thing happened.

We went out on a four wheeling excursion one day, we trailed through the woods competitively and then ate a lunch in the middle of the woods. The day after that we went to the mall. Mostly because we both wanted something normal about our relationship, and normal people went to the mall. I made a mental note of some of the things Edward said would be useful at base. We went to the movies and dinner after that.

Then, on a particularly rainy day, Jasper and Alice came over to the house and we had a _Stars Wars _marathon. I discovered Edward was a diehard, complete nerd. But, any guy who appreciates _Star Wars _more than _Star Trek_, deserves my respect, and evidently my undying love. . .

And then we started getting closer to the day he was leaving. Two days before he had to leave we went to a Twins baseball game, again with Alice and Jasper. Even though I grew up in Ohio, and lived in Wisconsin for awhile I liked the Minnesota Twins. They had a new outdoor stadium, and it was a beautiful day to be outdoors. Edward and I had taken a cell phone picture and texted it in and ended up making the big screen. Which made me take a cell phone picture of that.

Before I knew it, it was my last afternoon with Edward. His flight would be in the morning. And then he'd be on a plane flying 8000 thousands miles away to the Asian desert of Iraq, entering a war zone once again.

That thought just made me a cheery person.

I had decided that Edward had grown used to home cooked, good food and he shouldn't just be cut off from it. So, I started to bake furiously. I was baking every type of cookie that he had ever said he liked from chocolate chip to peppermint to snicker doodle. I was trying to figure out the best way to pack them so they wouldn't get cracked and smashed. So far I had no ideas.

My lemon cookies were in the oven when I decided to go upstairs to Edward's room where he currently was. When I got into the room he was sitting on his bed, elbows on his knees and hands clasped together in front of him as he stared over at the two of his duffel bags.

I didn't say anything, and he didn't either, even though he knew I was standing right in front of him. I casually crossed my arms and leaned over against the frame of the door, watching him.

Edward finally looked over at me, he was frowning, almost in disappointment. I met his eyes, sharing it with him. "Come here," he requested softly, opening his arms up as I strode across the room to him. I perched on one of his legs as he pulled me in into him. I wrapped my arms around his shoulder and held onto to him, burying my face into his hair.

"Are you sure you want to say goodbye at the airport?" he asked after about five minutes of silence in which the room started to smell like lemons, "I don't want you to have to drive home alone. . ."

"Don't. Not right now," I pleaded, hugging him tighter. "If we start talking about this now then I won't be able to make it till tomorrow."

Edward nodded against me and pulled me tighter, kissing my neck.

I slid off of his knee and slipped out of his grasp and went to stand in between his spread legs. My hands slid up his neck as I leaned down to press my lips fiercely against his. We both were in need of a distraction, and let's face it, baking was doing squat to help.

Our kiss deepened almost instantly. I let out a quiet moan as Edward went to cup the curve of my ass. But he didn't stop there, his hands slid under my skirt so that we were skin on skin as he fondled it. I kissed him back harder, my hands going to his collar on his shirt to pull him closer.

Edward's hands skimmed down to my thighs and in one swift movement, he had pulled me up so that I was straddling him. I curled my legs around his back. I smirked against his lips as I adjusted the position. Now that I was sitting on his lap I could feel the affect I was having on him.

Just as Edward's lips started traveling down to my neck the timer keeping track of the cookies baking went off in simultaneous, irritating beeps. I groaned in frustration and was about to make a move to get off of Edward and get the cookies out. But Edward pulled me closer, unaffected by it and continued to suck on my neck.

"The house is going to burn down," I panted, losing will as my primal instincts kicked reason's ass.

"Did you use the oven timer?" Edward asked breathlessly before continuing his assault on my neck and collarbone.

"Yeah," I answered, my body arching into his, making him moan as a result of my breasts being pushed in his face.

"Then the oven shut off automatically," Edward said certainly. His hands slid up my back to where the clasp of my bra was, making quick work of it. I pressed against him, sitting completely topless on his lap. His hands slid around my waist and up to cup each of my breasts. I moaned loudly.

"But they'll be ruined," I argued. The sex deprived part of my mind screamed at me to shut the fuck up. I was agreeing with that side.

Edward pinched one of my nipples sharply between his fingers, making me yelp at the sensation. "Good thing I don't like lemons." His tongue swirled out to trace the skin around my nipple on one of my breasts. I groaned, rubbing across his denim lap, needing relief.

"Oh? I quite. . .enjoy lemons. . ." I trailed off into a loud moan as he took the erect peak into his mouth and started to suck roughly. I continued to rock in need of friction on his lap.

"Well," Edward said sexily as he started to move to my other side, his tongue trailing slowly from one to the next, "I suppose I could help you get your fill." I grinned and we plunged back on the bed. In the process Edward swiftly kicked his packed duffle bags off of his bed, making us both forget about what was going to happen tomorrow morning.

The rest of the afternoon I managed to hold myself together. Sex with Edward help distract me thoroughly. Twice. Esme was extra chatty at dinner that evening and Carlisle was extra quiet. I knew Esme was almost as sad as I was that Edward was going. And in his own little way, I knew that Carlisle was going to miss him as well.

After our late dinner Edward and I went upstairs to repack his bags since all of his clothes and stuff fell out when we were using his bed. It didn't take us long to silently get it all back in place. When we were finished Edward pulled me in a tight hug, his arms engulfing me. He started to talk, say something about leaving but I stopped him, still not ready to talk about his coming departure.

I went back downstairs to pack up all of the cookies for him and his squad. I figured a tuper ware container would work the best. I packed as many as I could in one, before taking out another one and stuffing that one as well. Wordlessly Edward helped me.

Before I knew it, the sun had set. I knew I had to shower tonight because I wouldn't have time in the morning. I left Edward to say goodbye to Carlisle and Esme while I went up to shower. Numbly I stripped out of my clothes and stepped into my shower, the scalding water stinging my body instantly. I lathered shampoo into my hair, my body on autopilot as I thought about Edward.

The pain I felt knowing that Edward was leaving was so awful that I couldn't put it into words; all I could do was helplessly feel it. It was like when my parents passed away. In my creative writing, we were supposed to write about the most intense experience of our lives, and I couldn't describe it. The only person who could know how I felt were other army girlfriends and wives.

Before I could fight it, my emotions crashed over me, drowning me. I slid down the side of the shower, the water continuing to pour on me as I started to cry.

I hated change. I was the worst at it. I liked things to stay exactly the way they were. I mean, after I graduated from elementry school, I went into a depression because I would be going to middle school. Not because I was scared, because I didn't want my kid years to be over. I was doing the same thing now, I desperated needed more time with Edward, because I would be losing him.

I had gone through enough change over the years. It hardly seems fair that I should lose my parents, move to an entirely new state and have to start a new life. And then, when I finally find a guy who I love more than anything, he's going to leave for a year. I didn't know what I would do without him.

A year. 12 months. 56 weeks. 365 days. 8760 hours. 525,600 minutes, and 31,536,000 seconds. I couldn't wrap my mind around how long of a time that was. I just knew that I wouldn't be seeing Edward for what would feel like forever. I could feel my freshly healed and bright heart beginning to break. The familiar pain of seperation began to creep through my body.

I depended on Edward. He had become my world. And now he was going. It wasn't fair that the one guy I could actually open myself up to love with my whole heart had to leave me and was powerless to do anything else. My cries soon turned into sobs. I hadn't allowed myself to cry since I'd realized I was in love with Edward. I knew it was coming, I had known it was coming before he even arrived. But now it was here, and I was handling it so much worse than I should have.

I continued to cry, trying and failing to stop it. I brought my knees up to my chest and tried to muffle the sound of my anguish. I didn't want them to hear me downstairs. I doubted they'd be able to, but I didn't want Edward to hear me. It would stress him out when he got to Iraq knowing that I would be here, missing him so unbearably much. I didn't want him stressed or worried, I wanted him to focus on staying alive.

It just wasn't fucking fair! I wanted Edward with me so badly. That was the only conscious thought I had. Why me? Why did God give me this amazing man, only to have him leave me again?

It was hard to stop my mind from picturing things. And when I did, I only cried more vigourously. What if Edward never came home? What if this was the last night I would have with him? I would have to live with those thoughts for the next 12 months.

Suddenly the shower curtain was pulled back loudly and I looked up, startled as my cries were temporarily quieted. Edward stood there, his face fell into a state of misery. It made my heart break as he took in my sorrow. I started to cry harder, the water still cascading around me. I buried my face so I didn't have to see Edward in pain. It felt like I could no longer breathe, and my throat was closing in. I chanced a glance up and gathered air, just in time to see Edward, all of his clothes on, stepping into the shower, not bothering to turn off the water.

Edward slid down next to me, his shirt and jeans darkening from the continuous stream of rain. He wrapped one of his arms around my bare body and pulled me into his chest. I couldn't move out of my fetal position, so instead he reached so he could put his other arm around me as well. His body completely shielded me from the rain, as he silently let me cry into him, my world crashing down around me.

Edward was my shield, my rock and my brave soldier. He stayed with me through the night, and held me as I eventually fell to sleep. Edward was all I needed. And I had no idea how I would be able to go on without him by my side.

* * *

_And there you stand opened heart-opened doors _  
_Full of life with the world that's wanting more. _  
_But I can see when the lights start to fade, _  
_The day is done and your smile has gone away. _

_Let me raise you up. _  
_Let me be your love. _

_May I hold you, as you fall to sleep, _  
_When the world is closing in, and you can't breathe. _  
_May I love you. _  
_May I be your shield. _  
_When no one can be found _  
_May I lay you down._  
May I, Trading Yesterday

* * *

-I don't think I have much to say...again, sorry for some editting mistakes, my beta now has a boyfriend, a job and golf...-sighs-  
-Edward actually leaves next chapter. . .so bring your tissues girls!


	26. Chapter 26

I woke up the next morning wrapped in Edward's arms. My eyes felt puffy as I blinked them opened and closed. Edward's body was warm and protective as he slept soundly, his face coated with serenity. I sighed quietly, instantly remembering what day it was. I gazed as him lovingly, reaching my hand up to stroke his hair away from his forehead.

I stayed still, just looking at him, memorizing the way his face relaxed completely when he slept. I studied the slight furrow of his brows, and the way his lips curved making me wonder what it was he was dreaming about. I froze in my mind how his arms felt around my body.

It was not like I would not see or feel any of these things again, but a year was a long time to wait for them. I had tried at one point to be an optimist and remember that it could be worse; I could never see him again. But the dread that thought caused me, made me screw optimism. Edward was going into a war zone, Edward was soldier. Bad things happened to soldiers. And that was as far as I allowed my mind to go before I stopped that train of thought.

After almost twenty minutes I slid out of his hold. I was careful not to wake him up. I just needed to get some fresh air –because that mostly just seemed like the thing to do in a moment like this- I would only be out for a few minutes. I didn't want him to wake up alone. So as quietly as I could I slipped outside to my balcony and collapsed in a chair.

Surprisingly I felt fairly at peace with myself. I wouldn't say I had come to terms with Edward leaving in a couple hours, and I wouldn't remember this peace when he was gone. But for the moment, I was just glad to be getting it over with. I had my whole life with Edward and his tour in Iraq would only make me fall more in love with him.

The frustrating thing about this was the fact that I knew that I could do it. I knew that I could be strong enough to be away from Edward for that long. And that made me just angry, because I didn't think I should have to prove it.

I was actually doing okay. At one point tears came to my eyes. Not because he was leaving and I would be on my own again. No, the few tears were from pride. I was so proud of Edward. My boyfriend was fighting in a war so others didn't have to. No one had forced him to join the army; he did it on his own because he knows what's right. He went through ordeals others couldn't even dream about because he wanted to keep people he didn't know safe.

Edward was like a character in a movie, who should be played by the best actor in Hollywood. He was so much more than average. I was so, _so_, fucking lucky that he wanted to be with me when he could have any other woman he wanted. I didn't understand why, but I loved him so much for it.

The door leading out to the balcony swung open and I looked back, even though I knew it was Edward coming out. He had his hands above his head, stretching with a giant yawn. I grinned at his disheveled hair and groggy eyes. He was pretty damn cute.

Edward frowned as he looked at me. I blinked in confusion and then felt the weight of tears on the tip of my eyelashes. I rubbed the tears off my cheeks quickly and wiped my eyes. He yawned once again, but now he was completely alert. He walked a few steps to where I was sitting and crouched down in front of me, taking one of my hands in his.

"Hi," he said boyishly, his eyes examining me. I felt bad for making him see me cry yesterday and I had decided to make it a point to hold it together just a little bit better.

"Morning," I smiled, showing him I was okay. I yawned, covering my mouth with my free hand.

"How's it going?" he asked, hesitant to believe my smile. I felt worse. I didn't want him wanting on egg shells around me. I was fine.

"I'm fine. Really," I added when he still didn't look convinced. "What about you?"

"I was worried when I woke up without you," he admitted, running his free hand through his messy head of hair. "I guess it's something I'll have to get used to now," he sighed. I frowned too. That would be something I had to adjust to as well. _Army Wives_ made this shit look way too easy.

"This sucks," I sighed.

"Fuck, I know," Edward agreed, looking out over the backyard and woods behind it. I ran my hand tentatively through his hair, feeling the softness of it. It had grown out so nicely, the next time I saw him it would be short again.

"I'm going to miss you," I told him quietly, looking down at our entwined hands. I didn't want to, but I just had to let it out once. I wasn't going to burden him. I chanted it in my head a million times. But this just slipped out.

Edward clasped my hand tighter as he met my eyes, his lips curving into the tiniest of a grin. "If ever there is a tomorrow when we're not together…there is something you gotta always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even we're apart, I'll always be with you."

I stared at him blinking every few seconds. What he said was beautiful and I loved him immensely for it, because it was very fitting. But something wasn't quite right about it.

"Who did you just quote?" I asked, knowing that while he was very sweet and creative, it wasn't exactly Edward's style to leave out a select choice of swear words when speaking.

Edward actually blushed. The faintest of pink spread across his cheeks before he looked down at my lap. When he looked back up he had a sheepish, almost embarrassed grin on his face.

"Winnie the Pooh…" he trailed off. I pressed my lips together and nodded seriously before a small giggle escaped from my mouth. Edward's eyes narrowed playfully at me.

"The deepest of all bears…" I teased in agreement.

"I know!" Edward agreed, and I was actually convinced that he was serious. I raised an eyebrow.

Edward quickly composed himself and cleared his throat. I smirked. "But what he -well I'm pretty sure Winnie's a he. . .ha a bear named Winnie, oh- said is true. You are the strongest, most brave person I've ever met, and keep in mind what I do for a living. You are incredibly smart and I cannot wait to see where it will take you. And most importantly I will never really leave you. I'll always be thinking about you. I hate to be one of those '_together in your heart'_ people, but I figure if we both think about each other, remember this past month and look forward to the future, it'll be like I never left."

I loved him so much for trying. I smiled, amused but also sad. "Do you really believe that?" Way to damper his mood Bella; good positive spirit.

"No, but I'm trying."

I nodded, "I'll try too," I promised.

"Come on, let's not go getting all fucking dramatic just yet," Edward said after looking into my eyes. He stood up, the morning light justifying his body well. He held his hand out to mr as he stretched from side to side. I smiled and grabbed onto it and he pulled up. Edward wrapped his arm around my waist and settled it on my hip as we walked inside.

An hour later we were dressed and getting in the car, ready to head out. Carlisle and Esme had just left for work, having said their final goodbyes. Carlisle and Edward were speaking quietly for a surprisingly long amount of time. Ares was staring out the glass door as Edward climbed in the truck. If dogs could be cry, I'd definitely say Ares looked sad enough to be doing so. I glanced back and he put his paw helplessly on the glass, I could practically hear his whine. I didn't tell Edward; he knew how much his dog would miss him.

Our ride to the airport was mostly silent. I can't speak for Edward, but I was thinking back to our past month together. It seemed impossible that our time was up. It literally felt like yesterday since I was driving to the airport alone to pick up Edward, not knowing what to expect from him. I didn't really think I would fall madly in love with him and make love several times over to him.

The fall madly in love part, isn't really fair. I fell in love with Edward throughout his letters. I loved him before I even met him. I just had no fucking clue. And now, like a rug being ripped out from under me, he was departing.

It kept hitting me, harder and harder each time. It didn't seem real that Edward was actually leaving. For real. I wasn't doing a good job of wrapping my head around it. I had known it was coming for months, but now it was here, and every few minutes I would painfully realize it.

Edward held my hand tightly as we weaved through the crowds of the airport. After his bag was checked and loaded he was able to hold onto my side with his free arm. We walked wordlessly until we arrived at the terminal in which Edward's plane would be departing from. Edward led me over to empty seats away from everyone else who was watching us curiously.

Edward was wearing his standard camos, as he dove right back into his duties once he was back on base. He even had the dusty combat boots laced up. The only thing he was missing was his dog tags which were around my neck. He assured me that he would get a new set first thing back on base.

This was the second time I had ever seen him suited up. I couldn't help but think in the back of my depressed brain how incredibly sexy he looked. Of course as soon as that thought was out, I felt like crying again.

People were generally curious about the lives of soldiers. If you see one walking around in the mall, dressed in uniform, people are going to stare. They'll be polite and try to hide it of course, but eventually their curiosity will win over. And that's what was happening now. In their minds they were about to witness a tragic parting of star crossed lovers complete with sobbing and hysteria. As fun as that would be, I knew I wouldn't do that, and I ignored them.

Edward's thumb soothingly rubbed the back of my hand repetitively. I bit my lip. Then I released it. And then I bit it again. And before I could say anything, the first boarding call for Edward's flight was announced in a bored monotone voice. I let out a huge breath, not realizing I had even been holding it. I glanced slowly over at Edward, wanting to just have a nice cry already.

I stood up with Edward and he took both of my hands. I bit my lip again and stared up at him, not blinking as he stared back at me.

"So this is goodbye," I breathed disbelievingly. Edward's lips pressed in a grim line, his stare unwavering.

"Just for now," Edward said quietly, but with such assurance that I had to nod. Edward released my hand, suddenly remembering something. I watched as he pulled a small white envelope out of his jacket. "Here," he said, offering the envelope to me. I took the letter I had written him yesterday out of my back pocket and handed it to him in return. We had decided to write letters that he could read once he got on the plane and I could read once his plane had taken off.

"I love you," Edward said in a, for what it's worth tone. His hand came up to caress my cheek softly, his eyes boring into mine.

As I stared at him, my restraint slipped. In that instant no one and nothing could have stopped me from being in his arms. I literally threw my arms around his shoulders and his automatically came around my waist pulling me close into his chest. He hugged me so tightly to him, his arms all the way around my torso, that he lifted me to the tips of my toes. I buried my face in his chest, right where MASEN was stitched in. His embrace was all I needed right now, because I was safe.

"I love you too," I whispered back. My eyes pricked with the tears, anxious to be shed. I pulled myself closer to him, as if he could hold together my breaking heart in someway. I wished he could, because in my mind Edward could do anything. "I'm _so_ proud of you," I couldn't resist adding.

"I'm proud of you baby," Edward mumbled in the crook of my neck, where his face was buried.

I pulled away, just far enough for me to be able to see his face and not break out of his hold. My hands moved from around his shoulders to the sides of his neck, resting them lightly on it. I looked at him seriously, trying to be stern despite the tears on the brim of my eyes. "You're going to come home to me Edward. Promise to God, you'll be safe." This could be the last time I ever saw Edward, nothing was ever certain with soldiers and war. And that thought alone pushed the tears rolling down my cheeks slowly.

Edward, seeing my heartbreak didn't hesitate. He pulled me back against him, crushing my body to his. "I promise baby, I'm not going anywhere," he whispered firmly, without a doubt. And Edward's promise was all I needed.

A second call for Edward's flight came up over the intercom. I was seriously getting ready to walk over and punch the dumb chick who was smacking her gum, totally unaffected by the destruction of my life.

I could have said a thousand different things to him. I had thought of millions of things over the past month, knowing this was coming. But nothing, nothing seemed to fit right now. This was even more difficult then I could imagine.

The misery I was feeling was horrendous, but not unfamiliar. I had felt this deep hopelessness, this sadness and pain before. When my parents died, I didn't think I would ever be happy again. But for the first time, I've truly without a doubt happy for the past month. It felt like my heart was breaking and taking away the newfound, beautiful happiness.

Edward leaned down to press a kiss on my lips. It was a kiss filled with so much. I felt his desire, his sadness, his passion, his love, and his care conveyed in the simple gesture. I kissed him back, burning the feeling into my memory to feel later. And then, we both unwillingly pulled away from each other. I looked into his eyes despite the fact I knew I would be showing him the despair filling mine.

"Stay safe," I said once again my voice cracking. I knew I had said it already, but having Edward leave for a year is one thing that I can deal with –hopefully- but having him never come back was something that I would not be able to make it through.

"I will." He leaned in to place a sealing kiss gently on my forehead. "I love you a shit ton," he added. I cracked a tearful grin as he put his forehead to rest on mine. He gave me a crooked smile filled with melancholy.

"Right back at you Sergeant," I smiled, blinking the tears back. I could feel a sob pushing its way up my throat and I was powerless to stop it. Edward smiled and we stayed still and silent for a moment. Then, the time had finally come. He released me from his arms, and I slowly slid out of his embrace. My arms around my torso, as if that could hold me together. I watched as Edward bent over to sling his bag over his shoulder and straighten up again.

"I'll be home before you know it," Edward promised as he kissed my forehead tenderly once more. I nodded, choking back my cries and trying to put on some sort of brave front for him. My hand fell out of his, our fingers dangling next to each other's for the shortest of seconds. And then he turned and started to walk towards the boarding entrance. I pressed my quivering lips together as I watched him walk away. I was counting the steps he took, separating us. Halfway to the door his head turned back, his face confirming that he was not handling this as well as he liked me to believe. His eyes, the uncertainty and pain, make me swallow back a sob. I raised my hand and tilted it to the right, encouraging him to go, I'd be fine.

I waited until he was in the tunnel and the door was completely closed to the plane. I didn't want to watch him take off, I would break down. I managed to stay as the wheels taxied across the take off strip before I had to leave. I navigated back through the same crowds I had just come through with Edward. People gave the tearful girl plenty of room to get out to her car. And I was thankful.

I made it all the way out to the truck. I had made it a habit in the past month to go in and sit in the passenger's seat because Edward liked to drive. So automatically I opened the passenger door once I was in the parking lot. When I looked across the inside of the cab and didn't see Edward climbing in; that was my breaking point. I slid into the passenger seat and slammed the door shut, just in time for the overwhelming sobs to rip through me the crushing weight of what just happened overtook me.

For literally 40 minutes.

The planes continued to fly overhead. People continued to pull in and out of parking spots around me. Employees went outside to take their usual smoke break. Everybody was continuing life normally, like nothing had happened; and nothing had happened to them. But to me, it felt like my world had just ended; that my heart was flying again to Iraq.

Finally my sobs soon turned to cries, and then softer cries and then I was hiccupping and wiping the tears away from my face. My eyes felt swollen and puffy and my nose was stuffy. I remembered the letter weighing nothing in my back pocket. The slightest ounce of enthusiasm shone through as I arched my back to wiggle the paper into view.

I tore open the small envelope and unfolded the letter in record timing.

Dear Bella,

You're asleep right now. I just snuck into your room in case you were wondering. God, you look so stunning. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on. The fact that I love you is just a bonus. It's strange, writing you a letter when I'm lying right next to you.

By the time you're reading this, I'll be on a plane. If you've got to the point where you can actually read this…I love you. You'll do just find without me there. Even though I wish I didn't have to put you through this. You don't deserve it. Blame the damn government. Or George W. Bush. Unless you're a strong republican, in which case, I'm sorry. Are you a republican? I never did ask…

I feel like there is so much that we didn't talk about. Or so much stuff that we could have done. But then again, we crammed years worth of relationship in the past month. And it's been the best month of my life. When I'm an old man, with nothing to live for but the coming of my time, I'll think back to our perfect summer together, and how it was the happiest time of my life.

You are so much more than I had ever hoped for in anyone. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You are the most caring, warm, funniest and most beautiful woman on the planet. I look at couples now when we walk past them and pity them. Because I know that their love doesn't even come close to competing with what we feel for each other.

Remember when you told me you loved me? I think back to your face and the way you said it all the time. I love you so much for taking it into control like you did, and the way you told me, it was just so you. And it was perfect. I remember the light in your eyes. I had noticed it before we went out on the lake. Your eyes always sparkle, but that day they were shining, shining because of some type of epiphany. I could barely dare myself to hope you had realized that I was in love with you. Even though I had already figured out my feels for you and told you them –well, kind of- I was going to wait for you to tell me. I didn't want to freak you out, or scare you away. And that worked pretty damn well for me.

I have plenty of time to write to you about my feelings for you. I don't need to use up all my smooth lines right now. You'll get enough of those in the future. Oh, you're starting to wake up…did anyone ever tell you that you have weird sleeping patterns? Never mind, if the answer is anything other than no, I'll be extremely curious…

I miss you already. And I'm lying right next to you. I hate it that I have to go. I hate myself for doing this to you. I'm sorry, please don't hate me as much as I do right now. Though I wouldn't blame you. Please don't lose hope. I swear I'm going to come back soon. I know this isn't what you asked for, and Iraq is taking its toll on me too. We'll be together soon.

Sincerely,  
Your Sergeant Masen

* * *

_My eyes feel like they're bleeding_  
_But I'm just crying_  
_Is this what I ask for?_

_I hate myself when I'm away from you_  
_I swear I'm sorry_  
_Please don't hate me too_  
_And I don't know if my heart will make_  
_It through, I swear I'm sorry_  
_Please don't hate me too_

_Don't fail now, hold on to hope_  
_Cause I'm yours_  
_I'm coming home to you soon_  
_Cause the road is very worn_  
_And it's begging me to come back to you_  
Distance, Secondhand Serenade

* * *

-GIANT frowny face ): This song makes me cry; strongly recommend it! It's okay ladies, we'll see him soon. And when he comes back, we're going get Edward's past. God I can't wait.  
-Brenner's back next chapter, goodbye to Alice and Jasper and a sketchy guy will come into play. Oh, and majorly depressed Bella, but ya know.  
-I 'm going to go be a cool kid and spend the next week doing stuff for National History Day. Eh. If anyone knows where the hell to find audio clips of Woodrow Wilson on the League of Nations, just give me a shout! Or just give me a shout because I'm going to want to punch myself in the face.


	27. Chapter 27

Life sucks.

It's been said by many far greater than me, and it will continue to be said for all eternity. But I finally grasped the true concept of the meaning, and what it feel like to really be living in one giant suck fest.

I've also come to realize that I am a spoiled little bitch. I've been moping around for the past two weeks, missing Edward and hating life for not being able to have him. Did I stop to think about the starving people in Africa who didn't have a house or food like me? Nope. Did I stop and think about the people whose husbands or wives have died? Hell no. Did I think about global warming and how it's going to destroy us all? Maybe in passing. . .but the bottom line was; I was mad at myself. I had life so good and for some reason I expected to have a boyfriend actually with me. At least I had one.

The first day without Edward while he was on a plane flying to Iraq was the easiest. I never thought it would be, but I found it strangely easier to deal with than the days that followed. I finally drove home and arrived at an empty, silent house without Edward. But I felt a sense of mental exhaustion that just left me at peace. Yeah, I cried the most that day, but it was still easier. I had been dreading the day for months. The moment had finally came and passed. I was just relieved I wouldn't have to do it over again.

The first four days after that were impossible. That whole sense of exhausted serenity was completely wiped out of my system after that. I went from sad, to depressed, and then onto lonely, then I was proud and then I was happy and then back to sad in less than an hour. And it was like this for three days straight. The happy was the quickest passing of all those emotions. I was just glad that Carlisleand Esme had decided to work full days so I could be overly emotive alone.

The sad thing about the entire situation was the fact I knew our relationship completely worked. I was a homebody, I didn't really go out partying or anything like that, I was content to be alone and left to my thoughts. I couldn't be sad for long because I knew this was the relationship that worked perfectly for me. I could concentrate the next year on doing my best with senior year and my sports, I didn't have to try and work in a boyfriend to that. Edward would work me in when he could and I would be available whenever he needed, no matter how short of time, because unfortunately I wasn't the one who decided when we were able to call each other.

I knew I'd have the emotional strain of a long distance relationship, but I almost looked forward to proving that we could do it. I trusted Edward completely and I was secure enough with myself to know that he really did love me and would never hurt me. That only left the worry of being in love with a soldier, and that was the biggest issue I had and the reason for much of my sadness.

After those dreadful four days were over, I got. . .bored. I mean the sad, lonely, proud, etc, cycle kept coming, though it started to lessen. But beside that I realized I still had like six weeks left of summer and now I had absolutely nothing to do with it. I tried to think about what I had done last summer but none of that sounded excited, well, nothing sounded exciting without Edward. He had become my best friend, the person I wanted to do everything with. And now, I was just so utterly, complete bored.

I also gained seven fucking pounds.

I was a bored eater. So for the three days I sat around totally bored I ended eating a lot more stuff than I should have. I eat a half gallon of ice cream all by myself and a bunch of the left over cookies that I didn't send with Edward. The other stuff I ate I didn't even necessarily like, I just needed something to do.

Once the first week marker had passed I stepped on a scale and realized how much I had gained and I decided that that form of boredom wasn't working out real well for me. So I decided maybe I could do something more productive with my misery induced boredom.

So I did the most boring thing ever in some people's minds. I golfed. I golfed everyday for the next week, playing at least 18 holes a day, sometimes an extra nine, sometimes an extra 18. I practiced on the driving range for hours and putted senselessly after that. Unfortunately my mind sometimes wandered to Edward. I started to wonder why I hadn't gotten a letter, an email, a phone call or even a text from him. But instead of pursuing that line of questioning I pushed it out of my head repeating the phrase, no news is good news, over and over again.

When I wasn't golfing or sleeping I started to run more. I had to run captains practice with Rosalie for the soccer team starting in less then two weeks and with the shape I was in there were going to be freshmen kicking my ass. I had forgotten that I enjoyed running too.

Ares was also getting antsy. He was too young of a dog to be spending all of his time napping. He wanted to be out and about. Edward had taken him when he went running in the mornings until our Duluth weekend. And since then Ares has been bored. So I decided he would make a fantastic running companion. We both wanted to exercise with Edward, but since he wasn't here we were going to have to put up with each other instead.

On the two week marker of Edward's leaving I got up and went on a jog with Ares as Esme had continued to give me space, so neither of them could go out golfing with me. So I loaded my clubs into the truck as usual and drove off to the golf course leaving Ares to lay out in the sun with a bone.

I went to the driving range first and said hi to the old man who had been there every day at the same time as me. Then I got situated and started to swing my club and take some shots. I turned my iPod on loudly and worked like a machine, swinging through ball after ball and sending them launching in the air, one after another, oblivious of anything else.

About eight songs, and half a bucket of balls later I saw someone standing near through the corner of my eye. I finished my swing and turned to find Brenner stretching out his arms in the lane next to me. I really hadn't had a conversation with people since Edward had left –don't ask or wonder why, it's just what had happened- and I was slightly nervous about my social skills.

I took the ear buds out of my ears and let them fall to my sides. "Hey," I greeted him with a grin.

"What's got you out here everyday?" Brenner asked, moving to pull his elbows behind his head. I started to speak, "not that I'm complaining, this is where you should be given your awful game."

I rolled my eyes, "I'm just, catching up on practice time."

Brenner chuckled as he swung his club loosely back and forth then he looked up at me with a smirk. "Why do you need to catch up? It's Rosalie who should get her butt out here every once and awhile."

"I haven't been playing much since state," I admitted, distractedly glancing down at my phone. I didn't think I would play a round this morning. For some reason I just felt like going home for awhile.

"I noticed, haven't seen you around much. You better have a damn good excuse," Brenner said, mockingly lecturing me.

"I'd say it was a pretty good excuse," I smiled, Edward's face flashing in my head. The best damn excuse of my life. . .

"I swear to God, if you say _boys_ you're off the team," he threatened. I blushed and grinned at the ground. "How is Mr. Eduardo anyway?"

I wasn't prepared for the overwhelming longing I felt to have Edward until he was mentioned. Someone else saying his name made him real again. Being asked about him because I was his girlfriend made me realize how proud I was to be his girlfriend. It's hard to explain how much I missed him and what I had been thinking these days.

"It's Edward," I corrected, scrunching my nose up. Eduardo?

"No," Brenner disagreed, far from diffident, "I'm pretty sure it was Eduardo." And Edward would now, and forever more being know to Brenner as Eduardo because he had seen my reaction to the name. I laughed, annoyed at him, but glad to having his irritating ways back.

Then I heard the sound of my laugh and I realized that this was the first time I had been able to laugh since Edward had gone back. And it felt good. I didn't want to be moping for the next year; I wanted to be happier again. And this, laughing, I was taking it at as a good sign.

I grinned widely, and went back to taking shots, the ball flying noticeably straighter. "Is he back in Iraq?" Brenner asked, raising a confused and exaggerated eyebrow at my smile.

My smile only faded slightly. "Left two weeks ago" and I'm so proud of him. _Damn the cycle._

Brenner nodded and started to swing at a few balls. "He's a good guy Swan," Brenner approved.

"Yeah," I smiled, "I know."

I was at the driving range for longer than normal, and when I had finally hit through four buckets of balls I decided it was a good time to go eat lunch. So I loaded my clubs into the truck and drove back home, still in a good mood from my talk with my golf coach.

On a whim I decided to get the mail before I pulled into the driveway. I pulled the truck to a stop next to the mailbox and reached out to grab the small stack of papers and ads. Before driving into the garage I flipped through the envelopes of bills, letter from Edward, ads. . .oh.

A huge grin spread across of my face as I squealed excitedly and my heart immediately started to race. I pulled into the driveway anxiously and grabbed my keys and the mail before darting in the house to look at the envelope closer. Sure enough it was addressed to me in Edward's script. This would be the first I had heard from him in two weeks, the lack of communication had been killing me, and all of the sudden none of that mattered anymore.

I slid the envelope open carefully and pulled out the ink covered paper. Tears threatened to prick my eyes because I was so happy to hear from him.

_Dear Bella,_

_I miss you so much baby._

_This past week has been hell. Don't worry; nothing too dangerous has been happening over here. The first day back here, when I woke up in my small twin sized bed and found your warm, soft, small body not curled up next mine was the worst. I laid in bed, knowing I was probably going to be late and thought about you. But that's nothing new, I think about you all the time._

_Emmett says hi by the way. He misses you._

_The guys love the cookies. . .at least the few that I gave them. They're sensational and I miss your baking already. And Esme's cooking. Tell her I say hello. It sucks not being with you so much. I don't want to have to be here. I don't know if I want to do this anymore._

_Did you know that statistically if a guy and girl are in a serious relationship the guy loves the girl more? I think it's a pretty true statistic since I can't figure out a way to write how hard I fell for you and how much I love you. And no; I did not just happen to make up that, so stop smirking you little brat._

_I realized we never really talked about what you're going to do after you finish high school this year. Shouldn't you be taking a bunch of tours of all the colleges fighting for you? One of my buddies here was a former football recruiter of the Midwesta rea and knows 'all the inside dirt' as he put it. You're so smart you should be going to Harvard you know._

_Our internet connection has been down for the past few days and they don't know when they'll be able to get it back up. As soon as they do I expect to see pictures in my inbox. My laptop screen saver sucks ass, it's an eagle. It would be so much prettier if I had a sun flower instead._

_June feels like forever away. I don't want to miss so much of your life. Write down everything that's happening. I want to know everything. No detail is too small. If you got an A on a test, fuck I want to know it! I don't want us to loose connection and when I come back not be able to talk about things as easily as we can right now. That would fucking suck._

_It's been 18 days since our perfect night on the cliff. When I look at the number 18 written, it doesn't look like a long time. But that night feels like it was a life time ago. And yet I remember the feeling of first holding you so clearly, that I am sure it will forever be etched into my brain._

_I've deployed before, I've traveled to Iraq time and time again but this is so different. The warm days still fade to freezing night out here, but you've given me hope that someday this war will be over and we won't have to be here any longer. Until then, that's a lot more 18 days until I get to feel you against me, the way your small arms wrap tightly around my body like I'm the only man in the world._

_You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I know I've said that, and I don't want to sound like a pansy, meeting you, was such, such a good thing Bella. And this isn't going to be a good thing that comes to an end. This is going to last, I'm sure of it. I promise you I'll work ten times harder than any other man does in a relationship just so we can have a chance to live a happy, normal life._

_How are you holding up? Love you._

_Sincerely,_  
_Sergeant Masen_

I smiled and propped my head in my hands as I read over the letter again. Edward was in this just as much as I was. We would be fine.

Alice came over that night with Jasper in tow. Honestly, I loved Alice. She was single handedly the most fun person I had ever met. I was sad that Jasper and her would be leaving the next day. It appeared they were dropping like flies. First Emmett, then Edward and now the last two soldiers are headed back to Iraq.

Last time the two had come over Edward had been here to entertain Jasper and they talked about. . .guy things? But this time Jasper was lingering silently in the background while Alice and I chatted. I felt bad; Jasper was the one soldier who I didn't really know all that well. I knew that Edward trusted him with his life and that was good enough for me. But I didn't know his favorite color.

Carlisle had arrived home before Esme. Jasper and Carlisle seemed to have bonded at the cabin, so Jasper felt comfortable launching into a conversation with him about deer and hunting. Alice and I decided to take Ares out on a walk and take our conversation into the dimming sun.

"How are you doing?"Alice asked as we started to walk down the driveway following Ares lead. Ares kept darting back and forth in between us to smell everything excitedly.

"I'm good. Today was a good day," I informed her. I was kind of proud of myself. I might finally be getting out of my slump.

"Did you hear from him?" she asked, genuinely curious.

I nodded with a smile. "I got a letter this morning."

"I'm glad. I knew it was going to work out with you guys."Alice gloated. I rolled my eyes and nudged her shoulder playfully.

We walked in comfortable silence before I voiced a thought. "Do you think it's possible for someone who has never had their heart broken to find true love? To find the person they're meant to spend the rest of their life with?"

My mom, Renee has always told me that dating in high school was fine. But she also went on to say that you should get out there and look for other men too because you never know what you do or don't want. She told me this at one of her co workers daughter's wedding. The girl had met her husband at 15 and married him at 23, never having broken up.

I wanted Edward in my life forever. I couldn't imagine a lift where we weren't together when we had the chance to be. I didn't want to break up with him just to discover that I didn't want anyone else. But I didn't want to ignore my mom's advice, especially if other people agreed with her.

"Yup. Definitely. Without a doubt."Alicesaid firmly within seconds of my question. I looked over at her with a raised eyebrow, caring for her to elaborate. "What? Not everyone meets the love of their life at a young age. And some of the ones that do are cautious and need to look for other people to realize what they have. You're a mature, smart person who met someone who loves you more than breathing and you're barely 18. But I don't think that's wrong."Alice looked at me as if she suddenly realized something. "Why? Are you thinking about leaving Edward?"

My mouth fell open in shock and my eyes widened in surprise. I could never even think about doing that! Alice seemed to take my expression as me surprised she figured it out.

"Bella. Edward has given himself you completely. He loves you so much. It'd kill him if you all of the sudden decided you didn't want him anymore. I really doubt he would move on from something like that. For him, there's no life after you."

My heart clenched, the image of Edward in pain making me weak at the knees. "Alice! I'm not going anywhere! I love Edward," I assured her firmly.

Alice let out a relieved huff. "Good."

I was a little shaken from Alice's outburst, but we continued our walk around the block until we arrived back at the house.

We were walking into the driveway when a sleek black Mercedes came slowly crawling down the street. I hated when people did 60 down the street, but this car had dark tinted windows and was going at a speed of like three miles per hour. I lowered my eyes, not wanting to stare as it passed us. When I looked up I realized it hadn't passed, it was waiting right in front of us.

The black window went down. A man who had hair the color of mine which was straight and tied in a sleek pony tail behind his neck appeared. He was wearing a formal suit with a pressed tie, looking like an upper class business man. He couldn't have been older than 40 at the most. And the dude was creepy. His skin was completely pale and he had dark eyes. And a disproportioned little nose. If he hadn't looked so surreptitious I would have laughed at the nose.

"Excuse me? Is this the residence of Edward Masen?" This voice made me shiver. Blah was the word that came to mind.

Alice looked at me curiously, I shot her a clueless look before glancing back at the little nose guy. "Yes it is," I told him shortly.

"You must be Mrs. Masen then?" he inquired, smiling politely.

"No. I'm Bella Swan. Edward's my boyfriend." This guy was giving me the creeps. I was rushing to talk, eager for him to drive away.

"Oh, yes, yes, of course. Well, thank you for your help. All the best," before I could ask who he was, the window rolled back up and he sped off, now doing 60. I was left standing with my mouth open, still ready to speak.

"That was weird,"Alice pointed out as he started to slowly walk up the driveway.

"Tell me about it," I agreed, still frowning as I thought about the guy.

Edward didn't say anything about having any relatives he had left, or having had friends he wanted to see when he was here. He never mentioned anything about this strange man, and it left me with an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach that that man wasn't one of Edward's buddies.

Alice left. Then Jasper left. I was sad. That was currently becoming the story of my life.

I would have been sadder that I wouldn't be seeing Alice for awhile had I not been distracted. But when I went to bed I was still deeply thinking about the man, worrying I may have said too much.

* * *

_I don't wanna have to be here_  
_I don't understand it now_  
_Cause its been 18 days,since I first held you_  
_But to me it feels just like, it feels like a lifetime_  
_I'm trying hard to re-arrange_  
_Some say its the hardest thing to do_  
_But that's another 18 days without you.._

_Time after time I've been through this_  
_You show me what it means to live_  
_You give me hope when I was hopeless_  
_As my days fade to night, I remember that state of mind_  
_I'm soaring straight into your heart, and I'll fly high_

_And I know what they say about all good things_  
_Will they come to an end?_  
_But I'll fight this time, so that we might_  
_Have a chance at this._  
18 Days, Saving Abel

* * *

-Kind of a boring chapter, I'm aware. But I wasn't going to have a year go by in one chapter. I'm not that good of a writer.  
-A lot of people thought that Bella would fall in love with "sketchy guy" no. I don't believe in stories where the couple falls apart as the plot. I personally like/write stories where the couple is a united front and faces whatever together.  
-3,000 reviews? What the hell...damn I love you all(:


	28. Chapter 28

"Um, excuse me," an annoying, whiny voice rang through my ears, "uh, I have like, stomach cramps, and I can't like, run, like right now. So, like, I'm going to go like, sit down." I didn't think it was possible to put _like_ in a sentence so many different times. But this nasal sounding girl totally just proved me wrong.

I nodded, trying my best to look sympathetic, but also putting just enough sarcasm in there to make sure this little bitch knew I already disliked her. "Well, like, are you like, sure?" I asked blinking at her and sticking my lip out like she was currently doing.

"Like, yeah," she nodded vigorously, making her fake blond hair fall into front of her make up covered face.

I scoffed as she walked off the field. Rosalie jogged over to where I was standing, shaking her head. "I really wish we could just cut people right now."

Rosalie and I had the joy of running captains practice for the girls soccer team. So far it was going peachy.

"Nah," I disagreed with a smirk, "I'm thinking she'll do great things."

So far we had instilled a fear in the new girls that was giving me a wrong sense of satisfaction. I enjoyed having power quite a lot.

"Alright, we're going to start out with a two mile run!" I announced. The girls looked up from where they were sitting in a circle on the grass stretching. There was a groan from a few of them, but the others looked indifferent, and even a little bit excited. Rose and I had decided to base the first days off of Edward and Emmett's army work outs with the exclusion of some very heavy lifting. As of lately, it had been working pretty well. I was glad I had started to run with Ares though.

"That has to be run in under 15 minutes!" I added loudly. The indifferent ones were now groaning. The freshmen were driving Rose and me insane. They were all little brats. And normally I wasn't one to be mean to those lower in the food chain, but this was particularly annoying group.

Rosalie grinned at me as we started to run, not waiting for the girls to get up. They could catch up.

The two of us hadn't been able to catch up at all. For the past few days of practice we had been all over the place, trying to meet all the new girls and make everyone feel comfortable. And before practice started we hadn't been able to hang out or chat due to my obsessive golfing and moping.

"You totally fucking slept with him, didn't you," Rosalie accused as soon as we were out of ear shot from the other girls. I raised my eyebrows and then lowered them almost immediately. I had spent so little time with Rose lately that I had almost forgotten her blunt ways. Almost.

"Who?" I asked, playing coy with a smirk. She knew I knew who she was talking about. She also knew I was going to be difficult. It seemed almost. . .wrong. . .to share what had happened with Edward and I. Because it was ours and I felt like sharing it might take away from how special it was. Besides, despite the fact that I was 18, I liked to think I was more mature than my peers.

Our feet hit the pavement in sync with each other as we swung or arms with our jog. I welcomed the breathless feeling that slowly started to creep through my lungs. Rosalie huffed and glared over at me. "You so did," she laughed. I narrowed my eyes at her. "When? Did the good Sergeant break the law?" she questioned, amusement still in her voice.

"No," I informed her, raising my chin in the air snobbishly, "there was no law breaking."

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Let me guess, the day you turned 18."

"Of course not!" I exclaimed while trying very hard to to act indignant. It looked like she believed me.

It was the day after I turned 18.

"Geez, touchy, touchy. When did you become Miss Sensitive?" Rose asked her voice starting to fill with breathlessness. We had run about a half of mile so far. I looked back to see if we had lost any of the girls yet. I was pleasantly surprised that they were still trucking along faithfully.

"I am neither touchy nor sensitive!" I snapped defensively. Well. . .maybe a tiny bit on the touchy side.

"Uh huh," Rosalie agreed mockingly. I stuck my tongue out over in her direction. "Then how come you didn't call me for two weeks after Edward left? You dropped off the face of the planet."

I definitely did not want to be having this conversation. I imagined something more along the lines of, _Hey Bella, how's Edward?_ Oh he's good! _Super, guess what?_ And then she should have launched into an irrelevant story about Emmett that I would have half listened to. But no, she decided to be persistent today.

"I did not drop off the face of the planet. I was just a little. . ." hysterical? Depressed? Crying all the time? A mess? Emotional train wreck? ". . .sad," I finished lamely.

Rosalie made a disbelieving cluck. "Then why did I get a call from Esme asking if you were so depressed that you may need medication or professional help?"

"You did not," I disagreed, knowing full well that Rosalie's middle name was bullshit.

"Actually I really did. They were both really worried about you Bella," Rosalie insisted. And this time, strangely, I believed she was telling the truth. My eyebrows knitted together as we kept running.

"I was fine." I argued, lying my ass off big time. "I _am_ fine," I added as she glanced over at me doubtfully.

"Are you sure? It's not like you to go two weeks without a Facebook update," I rolled my eyes. In her mind she was making a perfectly logical point. And in this generation, it could be considered an excellent point.

"Yes. I'm positive." Then I looked over at Rose and remembered that we were best friends, we actually liked each other and talked. "There was a little bit of a. . .rough patch. . .for the first few days, but I dealt with it." Rough patch. Ha. Internally I was laughing hysterically.

"Must have been pretty bad; Carlisle was looking for the best interventionist if needed." The sad thing was the fact that I knew she was serious. And I really did feel bad for putting them through it. I had seen the concerned looks they were giving me and the few worded questions here and there. I felt bad that I freaked them out.

"But I'm fine now. It's all good," I insisted.

"See," Rosalie started, her voice morphing to smug and totally unserious once again. "This is why _I_, -unlike you- chose not to sleep with Emmett. Because _I_ am wise and knew better. Which is why _I_ am completely dandy and not emotionally compromised."

"And still a virgin," I pointed out.

Rosalie hummed like it didn't bother her. We passed the mile and half marker and were starting to slow it down. "Well you missed the HEART vs. CRUSH presentation in health last year. And that makes me the smarter one."

"The what vs. what?"

Rosalie smirked, apparently remembering one good time from the horrid year of health. "Don't have sex with someone when you don't really love them, it's just a crush. Wait until you know you truly love them and trust them."

"Well. Didn't I just make the biggest mistake ever?" I retorted with dry sarcasm. "It's totally a bummer Edward doesn't really love me. I'm so dumb."

Rosalie nodded in agreement.

I elbowed her.

"I'm kidding!" she laughed. "I'm kidding!" I laughed with her, because it was completely ridiculous the notion that Edward really just had a crush on me. Rosalie nudged me as we giggled, both of us just needing a pointless laugh.

"I'm really glad Edward loves you," she paused to inhale a deep breath, "as much as he does," she took another gulp of air as we approached the end of the run. "Plus, Emmett volunteered to kick his ass if he hurts you."

I smiled fondly thinking about Emmett. I was really glad Edward and I had great friends that had somehow found each other. They were a very sweet couple, even if I wasn't sure what exactly their relationship status was.

"I'm sure Edward would love to beat Emmett up as well. They're always looking for excuses," I rolled my eyes. My lungs were burning and my heart was pounding hard in my chest as we jogged onto the soccer field and started to walk around to cool down as the girls began to run slowly over, some of them even walking.

"Is it true what they say about soldiers?" Rosalie asked after she had caught her breath. I looked her over suspiciously, noticing the twinkling amusement in her shining blue eyes.

"What?" I asked, knowing I was setting myself up for some type of embarrassment.

Rosalie leaned in, "Do they _really_ know how to use their guns?" she asked suggestively. She wiggled her eyebrows. I laughed and pushed her away from me as she smirked.

Oh Rose. You have no fucking idea.

When I got home I went to chug another bottle of water and shower. Then I put on my swimsuit and grabbed my laptop. My tan had been sorely lacking lately, so I went to lay out in one of our lawn chairs on the patio.

I went to my email, curious to see if Edward's internet connection was working again in Iraq. I missed him. And while I liked the letters we sent each other, they made him seem so far away. But emailing, it felt like he was closer and we were actually talking.

My whole face lit up when I saw that there was a new email in between the colleges that was from my soldier. Eagerly, I opened the email. I squinted at the screen and then slid my sunglasses over my eyes so I could read it.

**From**: Sergeant E. Masen  
**Subject**: I Miss You  
**Date**: 25, August 2008, 3:09 p.m.  
**To**: Bella Swan

_Imagine my surprise when our internet connection finally comes back up and I see I have a picture you sent me. Really? An actual sunflower? I rolled my eyes several times and finally sighed._

_Could I get an actual picture?_

_How's practice going?_

**From**: Bella Swan  
**Subject**: I Miss You More  
**Date**: 25, August 2008, 3:30 p.m  
**To**: Sergeant E. Masen

_Well. . .I have nothing to say in response to your eye roll. I suppose it was justified._

_I'll find one later. Patience is an utmost virtue Masen._

_Practice is going fine. I enjoy having power._

**From**: Sergeant E. Masen  
**Subject**: I Doubt That  
**Date**: 25, August 2008, 3:33 p.m.  
**To**: Bella Swan

_Patience. . .eh, it can kiss my ass for all I care._

_You enjoy taking charge? Oh the possibilities…_

_Do you have any particular time you want me to request a leave for? The farther away the longer I'd get._

**From**: Bella Swan  
**Subject**: Why Did You Not Mention This Sooner?  
**Date**: 25, August 2008, 3:37 p.m  
**To**: Sergeant E. Masen

_Get your mind out of the gutter._

_Would you care to explain why you failed to remind me that you had vacation time? It may have been a comforting though about a month ago, you jackass._

**From**: Sergeant E. Masen  
**Subject**: Should I Be Glad I'm 8000 Miles Away?  
**Date**: 25, August 2008, 3:41 p.m.  
**To**: Bella Swan

_I'm sorry snicker doodle my mind occupies a very nice residence in that gutter._

_Would I care to explain? No. Not particularly._

_But if you really want an explanation. . .it may or may not have slipped my mind. . ._

**From**: Bella Swan  
**Subject**: Oh Yeah  
**Date**: 25, August 2008, 3:44 p.m  
**To**: Sergeant E. Masen

_Slipped your mind?_

_Seriously?_

_You annoy me._

**From**: Sergeant E. Masen  
**Subject**: Seven Word Emails Scare Me  
**Date**: 25, August 2008, 3:46 p.m.  
**To**: Bella Swan

_Yes. Slipped my mind. . ._

_I may annoy you, but you love me all the more for it (:_

**From**: Bella Swan  
**Subject**: They Better  
**Date**: 25, August 2008, 3:49 p.m  
**To**: Sergeant E. Masen

_Shut up._

**From**: Sergeant E. Masen  
**Subject**: You're So Cute  
**Date**: 25, August 2008, 3:51 p.m.  
**To**: Bella Swan

_Technically, I'm not talking, I'm typing. So, I physically cannot shut up._

**From**: Sergeant E. Masen  
**Subject**: I Know You're Still On…  
**Date**: 25, August 2008, 3:57 p.m.  
**To**: Bella Swan

_Okay. That was a joke made very distastefully._

_I don't blame you for the online silence._

_I'm sorry I forgot to ask you. . .but I'm asking you now if that makes it any better?_

**From**: Bella Swan  
**Subject**: Very Distasteful  
**Date**: 25, August 2008, 3:59 p.m  
**To**: Sergeant E. Masen

_I'm not that mad. . .not that I'm taking back that I called you annoying. You are. But I suppose if you can put up with me I'll let this slide. . . (:_

_Get off whenever you can, (STOP SMIRKING) I'll take whatever I can get._

**From**: Sergeant E. Masen  
**Subject**: Can't Blame a Guy…  
**Date**: 25, August 2008, 4:02 p.m.  
**To**: Bella Swan

_I'll let you know when I get time approved._

_I've gotta go catch some sleep, so I have to log off._

_Have a good week._

_I love you._

**From**: Bella Swan  
**Subject**: Yes I Can. And I Will.  
**Date**: 25, August 2008, 4:04 p.m  
**To**: Sergeant E. Masen

_Love you too. _

_Stay safe._

I smiled as I pressed send and then closed my laptop. I closed my eyes and lied back against the chair, letting the sun warm my body relaxingly. It was comforting to know that while Edward was thousands of miles away, we were both under the same sun, feeling its warmth.

I wasn't angry with Edward for not reminding me that he had leave and we wouldn't be apart for a year. On the other hand, I was actually sort of happy. Don't get me wrong, it would have spared me a few rounds of tears knowing I would see him sooner than a year. But the fact that he had forgot meant that he had been completely here during his leave, not thinking about the army when we were together.

I just liked giving him a hard time. I missed him so much. Joking back and forth and mocking each other, that's what we did, and to have that back, even for a half hour over email. . .well it was nice. I was learning to cope. People who loved someone in the military, they took what they could get, and I was beginning to do so as well.

Before Edward had arrived I didn't realize how much I was missing. I thought his letters were amazing and I was just fortunate to be getting those. But now that he had come I realized how much was missing. For some reason, I thought that because we had fallen in love I would somehow be in more frequent communication than before he came. But now, I was starting to realize that Edward had already been trying really hard in communicating with me through his letters and other emails before we met. It was a cute thought; didn't make me feel much better, but it helped.

As I laid in the sun that would ultimately lead to my demise due to the inevitable cause of skin cancer, I thought about the conversation we just had. I wish we were able to talk more than we did.

There were so many times I wanted Edward to come home, they all ran through my mind the instant I read the email. I wanted him home for Christmas with me. I wanted him at Thanksgiving. I wanted him to see me play in one of my soccer games. I wanted him to go to prom, or see me graduate. I wanted him home on Valentine's Day. I didn't want to get my hopes up or start planning for any of the occasions because it could always change, and that's why I told him to pick. And in the end it didn't really matter when he asked for time off, I just wanted to see him.

It had been one month and I was already starting to feel something I had never experienced before. Many women and men before me had experienced it, but it was completely new to me. And I was definitely not enjoying it thus far. I wished I'd never have to feel it.

I was sexually deprived.

So here I am; a total virgin. And then here comes along Edward who really, he's so sexy it's not even laughable. I may not be stellar at math, but I can definitely figure out the answer to those two put together. So here I am no, a virgin no longer. Sweet. Yeah, we had an awesome week of sex together, that made me realize what I had been missing all those years. And now. . .I was back to missing it.

It was a good run.

Sex wasn't the only reason I was eager to see Edward again. But don't get me wrong, it was a big part of it. Sex with Edward was mind blowing. It was so mind blowing that it should have a different name completely. And I was really fucking missing it.

After the sun went down farther I decided getting a tan was useless. I slid into a beach dress and grabbed my laptop from under the chair and went sitting at the counter on a stool with a hunting magazine under his gaze. He had just got home from work and was most likely on call judging from his attire. He looked up at me as I walked in through the sliding door and shut it behind me.

"How was practice?" he asked after we greeted each other. I sat my laptop down and went into the fridge to find some type of drink.

"Fun," I reported, distracted. I couldn't choose between pop or juice. . .or both.

Carlisle nodded in acknowledgement. I went over to the counter with my can of Sprite. "Were you talking to Edward?"

"For a little bit."

"Anything new?"

"Nothing of interest," I shrugged as I opened the can and was met with a satisfying pop.

Carlisle didn't say anything for a little bit. We sat in silence, me drinking my soda and Carlisle looking intently at an article about a dead pheasant. I was about to run upstairs and change, but when I made a move to straighten up, Carlisle spoke up.

"Do you think you're going to go to the cemetery in October?" His voice was reluctant, like he was unsure that this was the right time to be asking. I froze and slowly frowned.

October was my dad Charlie's birthday. This year he would be turning 40. I had yet to go visit either of them since the funeral, and even then I don't really remember. I didn't want go and I hated it when anyone mentioned it to me. Like last winter when Rose asked if I was going to visit my mom for her birthday.

"No," I said with certainty. There was no way I would be going to Ohio this year.

"Bella, you know, Esme and I could go with you…we could help y-" he stopped talking when he saw me shaking my head profusely.

"No." I repeated. And I did the bitchy thing to do. I walked out of the room without further discussion, putting a stop to his heart felt attempts. I could hold myself together; I had gotten pretty good at it actually, but it's hard to stay in one piece when someone's tugging at you.

Truth was there was only one person who I would go with. And he was on the other side of the world.

* * *

_I'm hangin' on another day_  
_Just to see what you throw my way_  
_And I'm hanging on to the words you say_  
_You said that I will be OK_

_The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone_  
_I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home_

_I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing_  
_with a broken heart that's still beating_  
_In the pain(In the pain) there is healing_  
_In your name I find meaning_  
_So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on _  
_I'm barely holdin' on to you_  
Broken, Lifehouse

* * *

-You're gonna love next chapter. Promise. Some of you were wondering why Rose hadn't been around, but here she is! Who missed her?  
-I had my first golf meet today...Bella and I are alike in many ways, but she's a helluva better golfer than I. In fact, I'm going to wallow in shame.  
-Happy early Easter! I think I'll be posting Easter Monday? Unless I end up going to a meet. (I know; what the hell. Golf on a day off of school?)  
-And since I never seem to get around it, thank you for you amazing reviews! I read them all and smile the whole time. I am so lucky to have ya'll(:


	29. Chapter 29

Peer pressure. We all know what it is; we hear about it on the news or listen to presentations in schools. The definition of the act is as follows; _Pressure from one's peers to behave in a manner similar or acceptable to them_.

For the past week I had been unintentionally, and in some cases, totally intentionally been peer pressured. I had gotten it numerous times from Carlisle and Esme. Rose always had to put in her two cents. Even Alice had a comment for me. I was getting extremely fed up and ready to scream.

After my discussion back in August withCarlisle, I had figured it would be the end of the topic of my parents. And it was. For the month of September. And then a few days into October Esme started to casually bring it up. I had been so busy with the soccer season in full force and a bunch of AP classes kicking my ass that I really didn't have time for much of anything.

I was still talking with Edward whenever it worked with our schedules. But we had both learned that keeping busy was best. I dropped everything when he knew he would be able to call me and he wrote me seemingly thousands of letters. I wrote back to him and tried to send short little emails whenever I could. And somehow, we were getting through it. The pain of separation didn't lessen, it just grew easier to handle.

A week before Charlie's birthday Esme asked me if I wanted to go grocery shopping with her. That should have been enough of a warning right there. But no, I was in such a desperate need to get away from Trigonometry that I jumped at the chance. I thought the conversation about my not visiting the cemetery in Ohio was postponed, at least until December.

I hate when I'm wrong.

The shopping adventure started out innocent enough. We went to the health section because Carlisle was currently in phase and roamed through the aisles, laughing at some of the products. But then, when we moved into the dairy section, thing started to get curious. Esme was noticeably more thoughtful and it looked like there was something she wanted to say.

But, whatever she wanted to say, she resisted. And then, oh man, we slowly arrived into the meat section. Something about that butcher made her feel the need to speak very freely. Though I had to give her credit, she was much more surreptitious than Carlisle had been.

"We should pick up some flowers to put in a vase," Esme commented. Eh, normal enough. We were near the floral section and the flowers looked bright and beautiful.

"Definitely," I agreed, not completely interested.

"Did your mom like flowers in the house?" She asked, glancing at her shopping list and over at some sliced ham. Her tone was neutral, and it wasn't totally unusual to mention my parents.

"She loved violets," I answered, picking a loose thread on my sweatshirt.

"Hmm," Esme hummed, still not meeting my eyes even after I looked back at her. "Maybe you should grab a bouquet before you head down to Ohio next week. I'm sure she'd like it."

Esme started to push the shopping cart farther along the aisle but I had frozen. I looked over at her, kind of shocked that she would be the one to bring it up. And I couldn't decid if her nonchalant commenting irritated me more than Carlisle's blunt approach.

"Or not," I muttered and started walking past her down the wide aisle. The wheels of the cart squeaked in protest as she hurried to catch up to me.

"Wait, wait, wait! No fair! I'm in heels!" I ignored her and kept walking, my pace increasing. "Geez! Where did you learn to speed walk like that? It must have been Carlisle. . .wait!"

I turned around suddenly and Esme halted, hot on my trail and looked surprised. "What?" I asked sourly, I was trying not to sound like a bitch, but at the moment I really didn't care.

"I really think you should at least consider it," she pleaded. I could tell she was concerned but I was too annoyed to really care. This was one of those things that I didn't feel like discussing with anyone, much less Esme.

"Why? Because it would have been his 40th birthday? Does it really make a freaking difference? He's not here and neither is she." I took a breath as my fingers involuntarily curled to my palms. "Can we please just drop it?" I exhaled, trying not to get too worked up. Even though it sounded like a question Esme and I both knew there wouldn't be much more said about this.

And I had hoped that Carlisle and Esme would respect my decision not to go to the cemetery. But again; I was wrong.

A couple days later Carlisle tried Esme's approach. He failed miserably as well. Though again, I had to give him credit for trying. And that's completely metaphorical, realistically there was no way I was happy with either of them.

Carlisle gave it a shot when I asked him for help. It was the dumb Trigonometry's fault really. I just wanted to know one thing about a triangle. But Carlisle, he jumped on the chance to share his knowledge with me. He grabbed a stool and slid next to me. I grimaced as he enthusiastically launched into a lecture about the fucking triangle.

For the next twenty minutes I listened toCarlisle tell stories about the glory days. Well, not really listen per say…I was actually really trying to finish the homework and block out his exuberant tales. After he finished recounting college and assuring me I would love it, he made a smooth transition to medical school while I silently groaned and pulled out a biology textbook.

"Oh Bella, you will love college," he sighed wistfully and promised me for the nineteenth time. I sighed as well, but there wasn't anything wistful about it.

I gritted my teeth and nodded, not taking my eyes off of the boring page in front of me.

"Where'd your parents go college again?"

Damn Trigonometry.

I ground my teeth harder together. With Esme's conversation still fresh in my mind I was more prepared forCarlisle's comment. It's not like I didn't know where he was going with this.

"Don't go there," I mumbled trying to sound light.

Carlisle sighed, his perky college telling attitude going away. "Could I at least ask why you don't want to go?" he asked exasperatedly and earnestly.

"You could," I allowed, "but I'm not going to answer." I flipped through a few pages, not bothering to look over at him.

"Why? Why are you so sure that this wouldn't be good for you?"Carlisle vented, his voice getting more heated and frustrated.

"I do not want to be having this conversation Carlisle," I said firmly.

He sighed again. "I don't get you. You can devout yourself to a soldier and open yourself up to that pain, but you can't go and say hi to your parents."

I got defensive. My head snapped up and I met Carlisle's gaze. "Those are two completely different things and you know it. I would appreciate it if you would let this be and trust that I know what I'm doing. You're not helping. You're just making it harder. It would be awesome if you would stop."

"I just want to know what you think you have to lose,"Carlisle insisted.

He struck a particularly sensitive spot. "What do I have to lose? Everything! Do you know how hard it is to move past something? I've moved on. And if I go and visit them and talk to them like I actually believe they were here, it would just give me a false hope that they are going to come back! But they aren't. They wouldn't even be able to hear me. Happy?" I asked, adrenaline beginning to course through my veins from the argument.

Fortunately,Carlisle could see how upset this was making me and he was frustrated as well. He was a reasonable man, he knew when he wasn't going to get anything accomplished. He moved to stand up from his stool as I watched him emotionlessly.

"You're wrong. You haven't moved on." And then he walked slowly out of the room, not glancing back. Normally I always got the last word, but now all I could do was silently watch him leave.

And that was the end of it. You'd think.

Then again, I really don't know why I expected Rose to go without commenting on the situation. I guess I was just hoping. The next day I drove her home from soccer practice, just like always. We had a huge game next week against the other high school in the city. We had a bit of rivalry going on. . .so our coach had kicked our butts. I had thought I would get to listen to Rose complain about it but she had a different agenda.

"What the fuck Bella? Why are you totally fighting with Carlisle and Esme?" Rose exclaimed as soon as we got into the truck and shut the doors. I raised my eyebrows, unimpressed. She continued to stare at me as I checked the mirrors and backed out.

"I'm not. It's just some small disagreements."

Rosalie snorted incredulously. "Bull fucking shit. That's not what I heard."

"What did you hear?" I exclaimed, looking both ways across the road and then giving her a look as I waited for a car to pass. "I didn't know you and Esme were playing phone tag!"

"Oh shut up. Mind telling me why the fuck you are being so fucking rude?" My mouth fell open as she continued to drop the F bomb.

I looked over at her pointedly. "Could you go like one sentence without needing to go to confession? That'd be great." We were both tired from the practice, each of us equally irritated with life.

"Holy shit! So here I was, all excited for a road trip to Ohio. I mean, I was prepared for you to be sad, I got that, it's normal. But none of us get you Bella! You're not sad; you don't want to talk to them or even think about them, like a normal person would. I don't know how to deal with your complete disregard!" She vented exuberantly her voice growing more and more frustrated as she went on.

"Then don't deal with it!" I snapped as I pulled to a stop at the red light. I strummed my fingers against the steering wheel.

Rosalie huffed. "You don't need to be a bitch to the rest of us because Edward isn't here."

I was positive she was trying to piss me off. And boy was she succeeding. "What the fuck? This has nothing to do with him! This has to do with you guys stick your noses in my business!"

She gave me an offended look which I only saw out of the corner of my eyes. "We need to stick our noses in your business because the only person you will listen to is thousands of miles away! We all get that you miss him. But you have other people here who love you that you shouldn't ignore, just because our names aren't Edward and in my case, don't have a penis doesn't mean we don't care about you!"

"Even if I hadn't met Edward I wouldn't listen to you." I wasn't purposely trying to be a bitch at that moment. I was actually trying to point out a relevant fact.

Rose narrowed her eyes. "So you can honestly tell me that if Edward really wanted you to do this and was giving you the same argument the rest of us are, you would ignore him and be a fucking bitch?" She arched a perfectly thin eyebrow in my direction.

"I'm not being a bitch!" well…maybe a little. "I just want you guys to leave me the fuck alone! In case you've noticed; you're not helping."

She appeared unaffected by my tiny explosion. "So you'd tell Edward that?"

I shut my mouth and stayed silent. Instead I glared out the windshield. I wasn't going to lie to her too.

Rosalie exhaled, taking my silence as the answer she wanted for her question. "Yeah. Exactly."

I dropped her off at her house without another word. Rose was annoyed with me and I was really fucking irritated with her. I was tense and defensive for the rest of the day and well into the day after that. And it finally was looking like I would be able to slide past the date without any more helpful hints.

As Rose slid out of the car and was about to shut it, I spoke, without looking in her direction. "If you honestly think I'm not sad and that I don't think about them, you don't know me at all," I said simply.

Speechless, Rose shut the car door slightly gapping at me as I pulled out of her driveway.

When I got home from a late soccer game the day after that I went to check my cell phone, the mail box and my laptop. There wasn't an email from Edward but rather Alice. I smiled when I saw who it was from. I was glad that she would be fun to hear from, a nice change from the rest of my family and friends.

_Hey Bella!_

_How have you been? I'm going to get straight to the point. _

_I know this probably isn't something you want to hear, and Edward made me promise I wouldn't say anything, but I can't. I lost my parents too Bella and I know how you feel. But in some ways I have no idea what's going through your mind. Losing your parents is difficult, it's awful and tragic. The only way I even came close to getting through it was by going to the graveyard and talking to them. It really does help. I wish I was as lucky as you and were able to go and visit them. I'm not saying go visit the cemetery for me; if you are going to go, you have to want to go. But I really think that you should listen to your friends and family Bella, they know what they're talking about._

_You aren't the only one who has lost someone. Think about Carlisle, do you ever see his parents? Or what about his younger sister? Don't you think he knows somewhat how you feel? People die everyday Bella, and I'm not saying that your parents weren't very special people, it's just a fact. And as a result of those deaths people have figured out ways to deal with them and they want to help. Just let people help you. I haven't led you astray ever; trust me on this. Don't shut people out, Carlisle, Esme, Rose… we are all your support system. Please just give it a shot._

_Edward is going to Kill Me,  
__Alice_

I sighed and shut the laptop after I finished reading the email. I slumped over to my bed and fell face down into it. I laid there for a minute, just exhausted, mentally and physically. I was way too tired to be mad at Alice. I was just done.

What Alice said was true. What Carlisle and Esme said was true. What Rose yelled at me was true. All of them had good points and logically I should just get it over with and listen to them. Some part of my mind knew that it could possibly make me feel better. But the other half was just simply unwilling to accept it.

Memories that I had been fighting for the past four years started to come back to me in an overwhelming flood. I had been trying so fucking hard to move past, to stay with the now. But all the well wishers over the past few days were just tearing down the defenses I had put up, and I didn't feel like it was going to in any way benefit me. They didn't know how hard I tried to make everything better.

I turned my head so that it was tilting to the side. I sighed and closed my eyes. For just the slightest of moments, I was no longer lying on my queen sized bed in Carlisle and Esme's house.

Instead I was years back, relaxing in my small twin sized bed in my quiet little room back in Ohio. It was time for school. I was 13. Junior high. . .well I wasn't quite sure what I thought about it yet. I had just started voicing my concerns to my mom about the classes and teachers and my friends just the night before. She had listened while correcting her papers yet still giving me her complete attention. I felt better when I went to sleep and it carried on to the next morning.

I could smell the coffee brewing. Dad had always started it for Mom so she wouldn't have to wake up earlier. I heard the sound of rushing water as my mom showered. I curled my legs closer to me and burrowed under my fleece tie blanket my mom and I had made last year.

I remembered getting out of bed and dragging the blanket with me. I covered it around me like a cape to keep my body warm and slowly trudged down the stairs. Charlie was sitting at the table. He was already dressed in his uniform, his hair still damp from the shower he had taken previously. There was an opened Diet Coke sitting next to him as he scanned the newspaper. I normally wasn't one to be mushy, but I felt like kissing him good morning. I walked over and gave him a feather kiss of the cheek my lips brushing against his clean, close shave. I smiled as I smelt his shaving cream and he grinned back at me looking up from the newspaper.

With my blanket still wrapped around my body, I sat down. We had small four person table in a nook of the kitchen with my cereal. I was just about to dig into the Captain Crunch with my spoon when my mom walked down the stairs to the kitchen. I was barely awake but my eyes bulged out when Renee walked in.

"Mom!" I exclaimed, horrified. Mom's hair was damp from her shower and wrapped around her body was a towel. And that's about it. I hadn't been awake till then.

She laughed warmly at my horrification and went to pour herself a cup of coffee. "What?" she giggled. My mom had the best laugh in the world.

"I think she looks good," Dad smirked. My mom turned sassily over to him with her raised eyebrows. Then she grinned and gave him a wink before going back to stir her coffee.

I made a gagging face. "Coming from the man who won't allow me to say the word bra," I complained. Charlie looked over at me, his eyes twinkling like they always seemed to.

"Foundation garment!" He scolded, doing so just to tease me. I rolled my eyes and went back to the Captain.

"Bra!" I challenged.

"You're a bra!" Renee grinned as she looked over the rim of her mug and grinned at me. Her eyes shined just like Dad's.

"Your mom's a bra," Charlie threw in. Mom and I both looked at him with our eyebrows raised as far as humanly possible. It had been a joke between me and Mom, the saying "your mom," I smirked when I realized Dad had been listening in on that the whole time.

"_My mom_ needs a bra…" I trailed off, faking a grimace over in my Mom's direction. She rolled her eyes exaggeratingly.

"Foundation garment!" Charlie went back to correcting. I grinned over at both of them. I loved my parents to death. It was weird at 13 to be such good friends them, but my parents thought that I was mature and as a result we had a very good relationship. I was their world and they would have given me anything I wanted on a platter had I asked. I loved them so much that I would never.

Our family was amazing. I never imagined my life to be anything other than what it was then. I got my teasing ways from my Mom and my sarcasm from my Dad and together, all three of us had the best times in my opinion. The thought of change never crossed my mind. I didn't know what I would do without them.

And suddenly I was back in my room. I wasn't 13 years old; I was no longer just starting in Junior high. I didn't have the curiosity about the future, high school, boyfriends and the rest of the world. I was 18 with a totally different life. I was focused on college and my future and I had found someone I love immensely. It's insane to think about what a difference five years was. You can just be turning 13 one day and then suddenly you're in your senior year of high school.

I wished I could go back and tell the young girl wrapped in her blanket what I knew now. I wanted to tell her how she could have better dealt with the nearing death of her parents. But I couldn't; I was that young girl just more evolved, yet no less scarred from the past.

I knew I was so fucking fortunate to have Carlisle and Esme. Most orphans my age would have ended up in the foster care system because couples want small children to adopt. But Carlisle and Esme are some of the kindest people I know and they took me into their house saving me from that kind of life. They weren't dumb and I knew I should be listening to them. But my emotions were far too controlling for me to act on rationality.

I heard a throat clear from by the door frame. I wasn going to apologize to Carlisle or Esme, whoever it was. But I was too tired. I lifted a foot in the air and gave a grunt of recognition before my leg fell back against the bed with a soft thud.

"Not exactly the welcoming I had pictured. . ."

My head whipped back as the voice ran through my mind and was recognized. My body sprang up, darting to look at the person leaning against my door frame. My eyes widened hugely.

"Edward?"

* * *

_Let him know that you know best_  
_Cause after all you do know best_  
_Try to slip past his defense_  
_Without granting innocence_  
_Lay down a list of what is wrong_  
_The things you've told him all along_  
_And pray to God he hears you_

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend_  
_Somewhere along in the bitterness_  
_And I would have stayed up with you all night_  
_Had I known how to save a life_

_As he begins to raise his voice_  
_You lower yours and grant him one last choice_  
_Drive until you lose the road_  
_Or break with the ones you've followed_  
How to Save a Life, the Fray

* * *

-Told ya he wouldn't be gone long.  
-When I said you'd love this chapter; I meant the end. Next chapter is going to blow your fucking minds. (; I think since I have the day off today, and I'm so excited for you to read the next chapter, and I just love ya'll, that I'll be posting within a couple days.  
-Bella's parents were killed in a car crash. This is why no one in her family drives a car. Trucks all the way.  
-When I said blow your fucking minds, I meant: guns, reuniting, LEMONS, tears, cuteness and much more. One of my favorite chapters I've written.


	30. Chapter 30

Honestly, it had been a pretty shitty week. So when I see Edward leaning against my door frame dressed in uniform my first reaction is to blink. There was no way Edward could be here right now. So many thoughts raced through my mind as I stared at him through wide eyes.

"Edward?" I asked again. I would have been the first to know that Edward was in the country.

"Hey doodle," he said in what seemed like a slightly amused tone. His trademark crooked smile was on his face. "I'm really here," he added softly, urging me to believe my fantasy was real.

That moment could have gone three ways. Two of the three ways would have made me look like an idiot. I could continue to gap at him in disbelief for 20 minutes. I could run to him and realize that he was in fact, not here. Or I could hope that he was here and throw myself at him and hoped that he would catch me and I wouldn't hit the wall.

So, I jolted out of bed and closed the distance between us. I launched myself at him and he caught me as I wrapped my arms and legs around him and squeezed him so tight with all my limbs. When I smelt his smell, not cologne, but of soap that brought out his natural scent I believed he was here.

Edward's arms wrapped around my waist tightly once he saw that my legs would not be slipping from around him anytime soon. I buried my face into the crook of his neck. I blocked all the questions swirling in my mind, there would be plenty of time for them. But Edward was here. I didn't know how long or why, but all that mattered was that I had my arms around my soldier.

"I missed you so fucking much," I whispered against his warm skin. I sniffed and exhaled. He seemed to realize that I was crying the same time I did. I buried my face wet with tears further against him.

"I know baby, believe me. It's been shit for me too," he whispered fiercely. I felt a kiss on the side of my head. I smiled against him tentatively. I was so glad to hear his voice. "Don't cry Bella, shh," he hushed. One of his hands started to run up and down my spine comfortingly. "I'm here now, don't cry."

Finally after at least four minutes I composed myself. I pressed my lips together in a teary smile as I pulled slightly away from his neck. I needed to see his face. But more than that, I needed to kiss him. I just needed to feel him so fucking badly; before I woke up from this dream.

I leaned forward and pressed my lips firmly against him. His lips met mine passionately and within in seconds our mouths were opened. I touched his tongue with mine tentatively, nervous that I was going to do something wrong. Edward returned the kiss with vigorous energy, silently encouraging me. Before long we broke apart our chest heaving from the lack of oxygen. I caught my breath before he did. I leaned down again and pressed my forehead against his, my eyes closing.

After moments of just basking in each other's presence I needed my questions answered. I wanted to stay in that perfect moment together with him of reunion. But unfortunately my curiosity beat the shit of my sentiment. So, hesitantly, slightly unwilling to break the perfect silence I whispered, "How long?"

Edward knew what I was asking. He knew I knew that he knew, so he didn't bother to beat around the bush. I couldn't go long without knowing and already starting mental preparation.

"Three days," he whispered back regretfully. I nodded against him and squeezed my eyes further shut. When I took a deep breath and exhaled I was fine.

"Where are Carlisle and Esme?" I asked. I knew it had been one of them who knew about this and didn't tell me. I just wanted to make sure they were out of ear shot.

"Dinner party, Carlisle dropped me off and picked her up," he answered. I nodded and opened my eyes. I wasn't surprised to find his stunning green eyes staring back at me. They were questioning and unsure. I smiled slightly. The army may have him for most of the year, but for the next three days. . .he was mine.

I unwrapped my stiff legs from around his waist and lightly fell to the ground. I released him around his neck. My right hand slid down his arm until I found his hand. I laced my fingers through his. I grinned shyly up at him with just enough confidence to make it work. "Come on," I requested, pulling him over to my bed. Edward grinned conspiringly and laid me back against the bed. Then, still in his army uniform he pressed down against me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled his lips to mine.

It felt good to touch him. I moved my hand up and down his clothed chest. We kissed each other hungirly with such a firece passion. It had felt like ages since we had last been together. I distractedly realized I had no idea how to get his uniform off of him.

Edward continued to kissing me, his hands traveling up to my breasts fondling them over my soccer shirt. He moved his kisses to my neck and his hand slipped up under my shirt. I moaned softly. When he stopped and looked me in the eyes. He seemed uncertain; it had been awhile. Yet his confidence never seemed to waver. He pulled my shirt over my head gently and my hair fell back around me.

As soon as my shirt was off and I was left in a very unsexy plain bra I went back to try to get off his numerous layers of clothing. I growled in frustration, making Edward smirk at me.

Pushing him away I demanded with annoyance, "You take off your own damn clothes!" Edward let out a hearty laugh and leaned down to kiss me lightly on my already swollen lips.

He moved off of me so he was able to get his uniform off. It wasn't hard to miss his rather tented pants. I giggled at the sight, loving the effect I had on him. He raised an eyebrow as he slid out of the camo. "You figure out your own bra clasp then," he challeneged. I rolled my eyes and went to do just that.

He was down to his boxers before I figured out the clasp.

Edward looked down at my freed breasts and then tenderly reached out and softly squeezed one, rubbing his thumb over my nipple. I let out a moan and bit my lip as his eyes went back to mine. It felt so fucking good to be touched.

I slid his boxers off of him and he made quick work of the rest of my clothes untily we lying on the bed next to each other. We could take our time later, but right then we both needed it soon. He took a nipple in his mouth and rubbed the other with his thumb making me arch my back and clench in pleasure. Then that hand found its way down between my legs. My eyes fluttered closed. When he got to my outer lips and found I was already wet, looking at me lustfully he slipped a finger into me. He groaned as he felt my clenched walls. He added another finger and slowly began pushing his fingers in and out as he moved his thumb over my clit. I moan and squirmed in angonizing pleasure.

I tightened my walls involuntarily around his fingers as my legs began to quake. My mouth opened but nothing found its way out. "Are you ready?" Edward asked, his eyes blazing with lust. I nodded (or thrashed my head...it was really a matter of opinion,) and he made his way up my body and placed himself at my entrance.

He looked down at me as he is propped up on his hands hovering above me. "You're stunning," he whispered reverently.

With much effort I managed to form words, "I love you so much," I whispered, as I placed my hands on his muscular warm back.

He pushed inside me and I gasped as I probably always would at the sensation. He continued to push in, inch by inch both of us savoring the feeling of finally being reunited. "Am I hurting you?" he asked, looking down at me with concern in his green eyes.

"If you stop now I will punch you," I threatened in a throaty whisper that was entirely promising. Edward, with a smile opened my legs wider. He started moving slowly in and out of my tight wet heat. I moaned deeply and pushed my head back against the pillow.

Edward groaned from above me. I watched him as he looked down where we were connected. He watched as he slowly disappeared inside me. It was increbily erotic.

I felt his eyes back on me, and I looked up to meet those green eyes. I saw pleasure in his eyes, and found him extremely attractive this way. Hungrily I pulled him down for a kiss, exploring his mouth with my tongue. I moved my hips up to meet his thrusts, which picked up speed. He allowed my tongue to keep exploring as it started to match his cock moving inside her.

Edward left my lips and began nipping and sucking on my neck and then moving down. He took a nipple in his mouth, his teeth grazed the peak, gently biting down. The slight pain increased the pleasure. I closed my eyes as I was overcome with pleasure and Edward sped up his thrusts until one final thrust hit an extremely sensitive spot. I clung to him as I came and vaguely heard him shouting my name.

God damnit I would never get used to the sensation. That amazing love.

Edward fell back on the bed next to me, gasping for air. I was in midst of the same struggle. I inhaled deeply and repeatedly trying to get under control my breathlessness caused by my ecstasy.

"You don't get that everyday," Edward said in a breathless exhale. I nodded in agreement, gulping down air.

"I'd certainly hope not Sergeant," I replied once my breathing was totally under control.

"Alright Miss Smartass," Edward smirked. I grinned sassily back at him.

Edward took the last of his needed breaths and finally had stable breathing. "I missed you," he whispered seriously. I propped my head up on my elbow and stared over at him. I smiled softly and ran my hands through his short hair. I missed his longer locks but had to admit he looked very sexy with the new cut.

"How'd you get here?" I asked curiously, staring not at his eyes back watching my fingers stroke his hair.

"Carlisle picked me up from the airport," he answered.

"Why are you here?" I asked. I knew there could be wide spectrum of answers and I honestly wasn't sure what I was hoping it to be. Something not bad would be nice though.

I looked into his eyes, but as soon as I met his stare he looked away. "Have these gotten bigger?" he asked off handedly. I looked down as he ran fingers lightly in circles around my breasts, palming them gently with such sensuality I shivered. I wanted to roll my eyes.

"Yup. 'Cause I forgot to tell you I was pregnant," I retorted sarcastically. Edward smirked and rolled his eyes, completely used to my antics. I thought I might have actually been able to scare him for a second.

"You can't blame a guy for asking," he defended.

There was no way I could be irritated with him given the situation. But I could be just a little exasperated. "I can blame said guy for not answering my question."

Edward sighed and slid his wandering hand to rest comfortingly on my hip pulling me closer to him before meeting my eyes. "I'm here because we need to go to the cemetery Bella."

And that is the event that led up to my current predicament. I wanted to protest half heartedly against Edward's demands but I knew I couldn't. Especially when he used the "Bella, I flew half across the world. We are going to do this," as his argument. I really couldn't disagree with that reasoning.

In the back of my mind I knew that Rosalie, Carlisle and Esme would probably be a little pissed off that I was only listening to Edward. I didn't want to hurt them, and truth be told after I read Alice's email I was ready to give in. I had been intending to apologize to Rose the next morning and hope she'd road trip it with me. They were all right with what they had been saying, I was just to proud of person to admit that I needed their help and support.

This morning, after waking me up gently from my sex induced coma Edward told me we needed to start driving. I groggily had glanced at the clock to see that it was just a little past eight in the morning. I knew we had more than a seven hour drive ahead of us. And for once I was glad we weren't taking the motorcycle. Instead, I curled up in the passenger seat with a pillow and blanket I insisted on bringing.

I felt bad for sleeping and wasting time with Edward. But if the man was going to keep me up for rounds upon rounds of love making then he sure as hell could let me sleep for three hours. Not that I was complaining about our quality time the night before.

Once I started to wake up due to the uncomfortable position I was laying in, Edward stopped at a Caribou and ran in to get me coffee. I smiled contently for over twenty minutes as I sipped caffeine into my blood stream.

"Why didn't you tell me you were coming?" I asked him after I took a sip of the steaming liquid and it made its way down my throat.

Edward looked hot.

I'm not even sure if I thought everything he wore was sexy because I had missed him so much, or he really was just that attractive. Currently he was wearing a pair of washed out jeans and a gray and rather muscle hugging sweater.

And glasses. And God damn did I love a man in glases.

I couldn't believe I fell in love with a man not knowing he was far sited. Evidently he had been wearing contacts throughout his leave because he had forgotten his glasses back in Iraq. But due to our early departure that morning Edward hadn't had time to put in contacts. So here he was with his black wire framed glasses that were literally _the most_ distracting thing ever. I just kept gawking when I looked over at his sexy face. . .and muscles. . .well, his entire body in general.

"Because," he sighed and shifted his arms so that one hand was on the wheel and the other one fall between his legs, my eyes followed the movement before they snapped up and he started talking again, "I wasn't sure until yesterday that I would even get the time approved. Jasper was assigned a mission and as a result out unit operating power was low so there was no way I could go. But his mission ended earlier than expected and when he arrived at base he had a soldier from a different base that would be housing with us for the next few days. As soon as I got the green light I booked a flight." I watched as Edward frowned, still staring out at the road, "I didn't want to get your hopes up because there was about 90% chance that I couldn't come. I couldn't do that to you. Besides, your face was worth it." He looked over and winked at me with a grin.

Having him made the past two and half months without him completely worth it. I could hardly remember any of my suffering when he was next to me. I felt so strong in my conviction; Edward was worth it.

I noticed that when Edward was talking about his life over in Iraq he was very serious. When he was talking about Emmett that was one thing, but when he started talking about missions and those higher in command his voice lost its joking touch. I decided that Edward really respected the men and women around him.

"Why now?" I'll admit, even as I was asking it I knew it was a loaded question.

"Carlisle brought up that you have never been back to your old town when we were fishing. I realized I had never really heard much about your parents, but I dismissed it when I saw you in your bikini. Don't look at me like that! You're fucking gorgeous. Anyway,Carlisle started emailing me about a month or two back wondering if it would be possible for me to get some leave around the time of your dad's birthday. I told him I doubted it, but he insisted that I was the only one who could convince you to go. Well, when he threw that in there I knew I had to try at least," Edward finished. I fell against my head rest and thought about this. Edward remained silently as I mulled the idea over.

After a couple minutes of silence he asked me with soft concern, "You don't have to do this. If you don't think you're up for it, just tell me. I don't want to make you do anything. You know that right?"

With a heavy sigh of regret I nodded, "It's time. I know it is. You told me that we could get through anything together, and I trust you."

Edward gave me a smothering look full of love and devotion that gave me butterflies before looking back at the road, the corner of his lips turned up the slightest. I waited for a second, silently working up courage. "I never told you about my parents. . .did I?"

Edward glanced over at me for a second before looking back at the highway. I could see he was worried about where this was going but he tried to remain open. "No you didn't."

"Well, when I was 13," I started out, fully intending to tell him what happened. But as soon as I started to speak the pictures flashed through my mind simultaneously, each one more painful to take than the previous. I blinked rapidly, fighting back the overwhelming need to just cry. I wanted Edward to know though, so I tried to keep going. "I-I. . .my parents. . ."

"Shh," Edward soothed as I choked back the words. He reached over and snatched my hand tightly with his free one. He began to rub the familiar soothing circles on it while he spoke. "Not right now Bella. We can talk about it later, or soon. But not right now. Let's get through the day first." I nodded and clutched his hand tightly. Neither of us said anything further, instead I just stared out at the flying landscape.

After a silent hour in the car we stopped to eat lunch. I hated how everyone said they hated fast food, but really, they secretly loved it; they just didn't want to seem like a pig. We grabbed some food at Wendy's. Edward deserved some wholesome, greasy, fat, unhealthy food. And let's be honest, I had dropped the seven pounds I gained post Edward depression and I deserved a damn cheeseburger.

We ate fairly quickly because Edward wanted to keep going to get to Ohio within the afternoon. Once we were back in the truck and our stomachs were full, conversation seemed to flow much easier. So for the rest of the ride to the cemetery I caught Edward up on the stuff that had been happening which I hadn't had a chance to write about yet. And after that he told me what had been up in Iraq that he didn't have time to tell. I knew he was editing to worry me less, and I was almost grateful for it.

I was surprised that Edward seemed to know where he was going perfectly. I wasn't much help until we were about an hour out. He had gotten directions from Carlisle but when we got into the local area I needed to help him navigate. I tried to not think about where we were because I knew there was no way I could handle the memories to come crashing back.

Fortunately for all the parties involved…well…in this case that was really just Edward and I…we made it to the cemetery on the outside of town without any breakdowns. I was proud of myself for keeping it together. Edward and I were both surprised at my willingness to hop out of the truck and start trekking through the tombstones. I guess I had just been putting up a fight for such a long time that it wasn't worth it anymore. I didn't come this far to argue with Edward.

So, hand and hand with Edward we found our way to the back of the cemetery, right under a giant maple tree where my parents were buried. The trees scattered around the plot of land had all turned various fall colors and I had to admit that it was almost…pretty.

"What do I say?" I whispered to Edward when we were standing in front of the two granite stones. I read Charlie and Renee's name on the polished rock and just stared wordlessly at it. If I didn't know myself better I would have said I was nervous.

Seeing their names carved into the granite took my breath away. I knew they were gone, but it didn't stop the anger from having to be in this situation in the first place drift through me.

"Say hi," Edward answered quietly. I looked at him with a raised eyebrow silently saying _really_.

Edward sighed. But to his credit he did managed some patience as he talked to me. "Bella, it's been five years, they'll be happy to hear from you. Say whatever the hell you want."

"_Real nice_. Swear in front of my parents. Great first impression," I complimented sarcastically.

"Sorry Mr. and Mrs. Swan. My bad," Edward said, looking at the headstones sheepishly. I longed for Edward to truly be able to meet my parents instead of talk to stone. My mom would have loved Edward. My dad would have respected him greatly.

"They can't hear you. . ." I told him. I don't know why I told him that, it's just what I had been thinking for years.

"Yes they can Bella. They can hear us and they can see us. They've been watching you," he explained, still maintaining some amount of patience.

"Then why do I need to come all the way to Ohio to talk to them? It makes no sense, especially since you said they can always see me," I argued. I couldn't stop glancing at the gleaming stones. But, I could stop my thoughts from traveling to what I was standing near; what was under the grass.

Edward sighed again. "Just try it. Please?"

"Fine." I didn't move though. I stayed frozen next to him.

Edward waited for about two minutes before speaking again. "Okay, come on, let's go," and with that he urged me to follow him as he walked on the invisible line between the graves. Once we were right next to the head stones he stopped walked and slid his hand out of my grasp. "I'll be right back here," he promised quietly before retreating in his steps to stand back.

I sighed and read over the words on my mom's stone. I decided it wouldn't hurt to humor Edward. "Hi mom," I said quietly. Before I could rethink my actions I squatted down next to her. It was surprising to find that I wasn't feeling foolish. "Hey dad," I added, looking over to my right. "Um, I'm doing fine, which Edward says you already know."

And then I was at a loss for words. I didn't know what I was supposed to say. I'd never done this before. It felt like I should be getting some sort of response. I don't know exactly what I'd thought would happen, just an acknowledgement really. I mean, everyone thought this was a good thing for me to do, but there had to be a reason, some magical thing.

I glanced uncertainly over at Edward. He had shrugged into a sytlish brown leather coat that defined his arm muscles but he left it unzipped. He seemed strangely comfortable here, his hands folded and hanging in front of him, casually looking around at his surroundings. I waited until I caught his eye, and then I gave him a panicked, _what now_? look.

Edward received the look and gave me look, silently telling me to relax. "Tell them about your dashing boyfriend," he winked. I rolled my eyes but turned back to the graves. The squatting was uncomfortable so instead I fell onto my butt and sat crossed legged on the cold grass between them.

"Dad, I know you forbid me to date, so just ignore this next part," I said to the stone on the right before angling my body more to towards my mother's.

I figured if I was going to talk without receiving an answer I was at least going to do it thoroughly. "I met a guy mom. His name's Edward," I lowered my voice, not wanting this to turn into me flirting with Edward, "he's a sergeant in the army, just like your dad.

"I know you didn't want me to be in a serious relationship so young. But believe me Mama; he's such, such a good person. I love him so much. I know if you had the choice you would have picked him for me. . .maybe you did, in which case you're the best. He treats your baby. . .he treats me like a real man should. You taught me what I should look for, and I think, even if you haven't been here, you've still been watching me grow up. Thank you for making me into the girl I am today, someone worthy of his love. I know it sounds serious, but don't worry about me mom.

"I know what you're thinking. . .a soldier? But trust me; he's the best thing for me. It sucks that he has to be in Iraq. I wish you were here, I know you would have known what to do. I feel so lost without you and dad, but he's there for me. He's not going anywhere; he's going to stay with me. You won't be meeting him anytime soon, wherever you are. We're going to have a long, happy life. I wish you could see me now mom and dad, you guys would be so proud of me. I hope. I miss you both so much. You were the best parents and I was incredible lucky that you were there for me."

I finished my talk with my mom and ignored the slow stream of tears falling from my eyes. I reached my hands out on each side to press them against the stone. The granite was chilled from the autumn air, but once my hands were against what was left of them…I felt better.

I looked back at the granite headstone on my right, "Guess who placed 2nd in the state golf tournament last year Daddy," I smiled and sniffled, using the sleeve of my sweatshirt to wipe my watering eyes. "I miss you teaching me. You were the best coach I could ever ask for. And Mom, I'm set to be valedictorian this year. I have a 4.3 GPA. You always wanted me to do my best and I hope you are both proud." I sniffled again and continued to talk about what was happening in my life.

It felt good to talk to them. After awhile I almost forgot that they weren't really there. My heart seemed to lose the weight it had been carrying for the past four years.

My life had been decent, I had thought I moved on over the years and I wasn't going to deny that I wasn't happy. But I hadn't realized that the place in my heart that was aching for my parents had never dissolved. I had just gotten distracted. Now though, I felt…whole. I was too stubborn to admit that I was magically cured and this visit had suddenly fixed my life. But I couldn't deny that my life felt more complete.

"I promise I'll visit before we leave again," I vowed. Then, with a sense of acceptance that it had taken me years to gain, I stood up. Edward looked over at me and could see my tears immediately. But instead of rushing over to me and coddling me, he gave me a soft smile. I could see something I had never really believed in his face…it was pride.

Edward watched unmoving as I slowly made my way over to him. Once I was standing next to him I let my head fall on his chest. He wrapped his arms around me wordlessly and held me flush against his body.

"Thanks," I finally said quietly. My face was pressed against his chest so the sound was muffled. I felt him place a kiss on my head. He knew that I was thanking him for everything. "I needed that…" I admitted. Anyone who knew me would know that I was truly grateful. I was a proud and stubborn person and to admit that I was wrong is something I rarely ever did.

"That's my girl," he mumbled, his voice still ringing with pride. After a few moments of no sound or movement he spoke again, "Come on, it's getting dark. Let's get to the hotel." I looked around. I hadn't remembered that it was the fall and it was getting darker at about six o'clock. I guessed it was around 5:45 due to the darkness beginning to set over the cemetery.

"Can we come back tomorrow?" I asked quietly, raising my head to look into his eyes. He was still wearing the glasses which framed his eyes that melted my heart. Edward looked pleased with my request.

"You amaze me," he informed me, pulling me under his arm as we started to walk. I smiled. He wiped the tears remaining on my cheeks with his free hand. My eyes fluttered closed as his skin lightly ghosted over mine. I opened them again when he kissed my temple. Edward was wrong. He was the one who amazed me.

The cemetery was plotted strangely. There is the land where all of graves are and then you have to follow a path winding around to the parking area. You couldn't see the cars when you were standing anywhere in the graveyard. So when we arrived back at the truck I didn't think much of the two cars that were parked near.

Edward on the other hand pulled me closer to him and looked around with grave suspicion.

What happened next were a very adrenaline/fear filled couple of minutes. One second I'm under Edward's arm and the next there are hands grabbing my arms from behind and yanking me out from Edward's arms. I yelped in surprise and terror as the hands pulled me farther away from Edward.

I saw two other men, nothing standing out about either of them approach Edward's front. His head whipped back to my direction in panic. Thankfully the person who had yanked me stopped moving, now he had my hands locked behind my back in a very tight grip. We were about two yards away from Edward. I struggled and looked to Edward for help…or assurance. I can honestly say that had I not been so exhausted I would have reacted in a completely different way.

And then my eyes widened as Edward reached behind him to the hem of his pants and ripped out a black hand gun within seconds. He handled it with expertise and instantly he was extending his arms with the gun in grip at the other two men while he slowly crept back towards where I was. I heard a clicking noise as Edward's fingers moved on the gun.

"You have a gun?" I exclaimed. I wasn't frightened…more surprised and relieved. It sort of made sense, because people in the law enforcement usually liked having weapons. But I had no idea Edward had been keeping a gun in his boxers.

How had I _not_ noticed that?

For some reason, I didn't feel an urgent sense of danger. I couldn't explain it, but I just didn't feel like my life was in mortal danger. Maybe it was because Edward was next to me with a gun which he clearly knew how to use…but I figured if they wanted to kill me, why not already have shot me? Don't get me wrong, I was scared shitless; just not feeling the mortal danger.

Edward's panic subsided and he was appearing very calm, in a strange yet bad ass way. "Um. . .yes?" he answered, not sure what response I was looking for.

I looked at him curiously. "Why?" Not that I wasn't glad he had it.

I could feel the confusion of the three men that were currently threatening our well being as we continued our conversation. Maybe I should have been more scared, but really…I was just exasperated. That's not the right emotion when there's someone whose about to possibly harm you and currently holding you captive…but my life just went like this. I had come to accept it.

That and I had faith in Edward that could possibly be described as completely idiotic.

"Protection?" he answered, trying to be vague.

"Do you shoot people with it?" My eyebrows furrowed.

Edward took my question as an opportunity to flex his arms that were extending the gun. He glared at the man (I assumed it was a man) holding me, just for good measure. "If I have to," he replied. As of now, Edward was completely in charge of the situation; I would have been really fucking scared

"Oh." That made sense. "Why don't I have a gun?"

Edward momentarily let his head fall back in exasperation as he groaned quietly. I don't think I was helping his intimidating factor. I was about to say more when all of our heads snapped in the direction of a car door slamming.

I looked over at Edward for any signs of recognition as a man's silhouette appeared. Before Edward reacted in any way to the new player in this game I realized I knew the man in question.

"Creepy, disproportioned nose guy?"

* * *

_Mama you taught me to do the right things_  
_So now you have to let your baby fly_  
_You've given me everything that I will need_  
_To make it through this crazy thing called life_  
_And I know you watch me grow up _  
_And always want what's best for me_  
_And I think I found the answer to your prayers_

_And he is good, so good_  
_He treats your little girl like a real man should_  
_He is good, so good, he makes promises he keeps _  
_No he's never gonna leave_  
_So dont you worry about me  
Dont you worry about me_  
Mama's Song, Carrie Underwood

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-Told you this chapter was jam flipping packed. Too much?  
-I got the most reviews ever on last chapter. You kinda scared me! Each of you were very oppionated and vocal. Loved it. Terrified by how strongly you all felt about characters and the way they reacted, but loved that you cared enough to tell me. Thanks(:  
-More will be revealed next chapter, but not all (like I'd hand it over that easy) I did say that Edward's past would be a large part of the story. Check the _Full Summary_ on the top of the first chapter if you don't believe me(;  
-Oh! And reminder, it's the middle of October in the story, he left in the middle of July. I know this still is not real realistic but I just missed the hell out of him.  
-Bella's reaction and sass? This isn't realistic. It's me throwing in humor and the Bella we know and love. Anyone ever seen _Killers_? Kinda what I was going more. Not meant to me a horror story.  
-Sorry for the authors note, but I always seem to forget stuff in them and half of you don't hesitate in pointing it out. Carry on with your lives now!


	31. Chapter 31

For those of you not following me on Twitter, I have been on hiatus for a few weeks due to a low self esteem in writing. Only so much a teenager can handle with high school and sports and activities. My English teacher and mentor also passed away on May 9th, and it really shook me up.

But alas, the sun is shining, the golf course has been parred, and life is good for the time being.

* * *

As soon as the words "creep, disproportioned nose guy" left my mouth I wanted to instantly cover it. But unfortunately my hands were currently being held by a very strong man. The gross feeling I got when I talked to the man with Alice returned to my stomach. I desperately hoped I hadn't told him anything he shouldn't have known. Because from the looks of him, he didn't look like he was on our side.

"Hello Ms. Swan," he grinned. His tone and eyes did not match up with the plastered smile. He regarded me coolly.

I wanted to slap the disturbing look off of his face. I looked warily from the man over at Edward. "Edward, do you know him?" I asked in confusion.

Edward was staring at the man with a locked jaw. It was evident that he seemed to have some recognition for the man. But instead of saying anything he moved the angle of his gun to point at the new man.

The man continued to smile like Edward was a cherished son...

No.

I really hoped this wasn't his father. I didn't know much about Edward's parents, he was fond of his mother but definitely not his father. "But of course! I have not seen you in years though!"

Edward's eyes noticeably tightened. "Let her go," he demanded with a scary calmness that seemed hard to disregard. His years in the army had obviously taught him well. "She has nothing to do with this."

One of the men who Edward had forgotten about, spoke up. He was a giant African American with a very low voice. He was wearing a black stocking hat over his head, but he didn't look friendly. I cringed as I heard a click of a gun. . .this one wasn't from Edward. "The bitch could have everything to do wit it. How'd you know?"

Edward turned to glare at the man murderously. "I can guess."

The weird nose guy who still remained nameless spoke commandingly. "Alex, put down your weapon. This isn't that type of visit. We're here in peace."

Edward looked like he would die before believing that. The gun remained up. But now, he was addressing my captor. "Let the fuck go of my girlfriend. Now."

"Who's to say you won't run off? No. Having her otherwise...occupied, keeps you at full attention," The giant man with a hidden gun piped up.

"Besides, you know full well that we cannot harm her," the other man added, still keeping up his cheery front. It was pissing me off. It was also angering me that they knew exactly how to push on Edward's buttons and make him react. They had me.

Edward snorted. "You know that's bullshit. So why don't you tell me why the fuck you're here." Bullshit?

Why does life suck?

"Calm down Masen." The man named Alex commanded with mocking in his voice. Edward cocked the gun at him, raising an eyebrow daringly. The creepy man sighed.

"You know why we're here Edward. We don't want to harm you. We are here to give you a warning." Well. . .as long as the creepy killer men didn't want to harm us, _then we were good_. I huffed angrily.

Edward was growing impossibly madder. "Why would you bother, motherfucker?"

"I really wish you would not address me by that name. I am here to warn you that there is a hit on you, a billion dollar hit. It will be activated 131. The V found it only fair that you be alerted. All Cons and Sens will be gaming. King is gone. Fair game was announced. Activation expires 704." He lost me at billion dollar hit. But Edward listened intently, full interested in what the man was saying. I watched as Edward's eyes flashed with momentary panic. Whatever nose job guy was saying was definitely enough to worry my sergeant boyfriend.

And when my fearless warrior of a boyfriend was worried...well, it was enough to raise my concern let's just say.

Edward nodded in acknowledgement but I could see his mind was already reeling. "Why 131?" For some reason he trusted the information he was receiving even though he very noticeably was not fond of the messenger.

"You know," the man said patronizingly, "One year. If the target remains untouched for allotted time the game will end. In which case the target may step up and claim his prize. If done no harm will come." Edward nodded, looking grim. I was so lost. Prize? Game?

"And if the winnings are renounced?"

Even though I had no fucking clue why the men were now civil, I didn't think anything bad would happen with these men. But the way Edward looked, panicked and grave led me to believe that something was definitely brewing in the future. And it didn't look too peachy.

The _still_ nameless man shook his head with certainty. "Out of the question."

"And what would happen if word gets out before 131?" Edward frowned, considering this. His gun had lowered but still very easily accessible.

"Well." Everyone looked over at Alex as he spoke, "we're about to find out now aren't we?"

And then quick as a fucking whip Alex had pulled out the mystery gun that appeared much similar to Edward's. Edward didn't hesitate. In less then a second, his gun was back up and pointing right at Alex's. "Get down!" Edward yelled before a shot rang out.

I had never been as thankful for my reflexes as I was at that moment. I didn't see what the shot was aimed at. I ignored the clench in my heart at the possibility. Instead, I swiftly swung my leg up backwards. It hit just what I had been aiming for and I was instantly released. The man whose balls I kicked fell back on the road moaning in pain. Satisfaction coursed through me.

This was quickly followed by terror.

Then I remembered Edward's command and I squatted to the ground hurriedly. I was only a foot away from Edward and thank God he was still standing. My ears were still ringing from the gun shot when another one was fired.

"Get to the car!" Edward yelled over another gun shot. I looked up to see him still standing his gun pointed at the two men. The other creepy guy sighed and resignedly pulled out his own hand gun.

It was three to two. But since I was the only one who didn't have a gun it was a not-so-respectable-three-to-one. Edward went in there guns a blazing though. I stood up but not fully and just as soon as I started to run behind him the shots started to ring. This time they were coming swiftly one after another.

I started to run to the truck as the sound of bullets being shot rung through my ears. I glanced behind me to see that Edward was shuffling skillfully guarding my vulnerable back. I threw myself into the cab of the truck with fear and realized Edward had left the keys in the ignition.

Adrenaline and fear coursing through my blood, I chanced a glance through the window at Edward. Luckily, one of the cars was parked near the truck and he had taken shelter on the side of it. Alex was on the ground unmoving and the other man who had been standing next to him was clutching his shoulder, but still shooting. A window on the Mercedes shattered and I yelped.

I started the ignition, my fingers shaking badly. The engine revving was Edward's cue. Not turning his back he ran backwards to the truck, still firing the gun. I waited seconds before Edward slid into the car, hardly opening the door. "Go!" he yelled.

And go I did. I peeled out of there like a crazy man without a license. People were shooting at Edward and as a result I bulleted out of there like a bat from hell.

"Are you okay?" he asked breathlessly. I couldn't look at him. I was too busy trying to get on a road while doing 80.

"Who were those people?" I shrieked.

"Slow down babe," Edward ignored the question. He kept looking back through the window to make sure there were no signs of the gun man. "I don't think they're following us."

In turn, I ignored his request and pushed the pedal down farther. There were no other cars on the road so I was going to do whatever the hell I wanted. "Who the fuck are they? Why were the shooting at us?"

"They weren't shooting at you. They were shooting at me," he clarified. He was distractedly doing something with his gun, loading it or some shit.

"Why? Did you kill that man?" I demanded far too loudly. My voice was hilariously full of hysteria.

Edward looked up from his gun. He looked at me seriously. "Bella, calm down. You're safe now."

"Don't tell me what I am!" I exclaimed hotly. I was pretty pissed off especially now that Edward was seemingly safe and not answering my question. "Did you kill him?"

"I don't know," he admitted, frowning. "Seriously snicker doodle, it's okay now."

"If you're going to be shot at I can do whatever the fuck I want with the adrenaline as a result of it!"

"Okay, okay, point accepted," he surrendered. He was way too calm for this, where I was dropping the F bomb every other sentence. "Proceed to drive us to our death," he added sarcastically.

"Really?" I asked flatly, then my voice quickly elevated to shouting once more. "We're going to talk about death right now? I'm a damn good driver! How about you tell me why the fuck you have people trying to kill you!"

"I can't tell you," he answered, not looking forward to my reaction. I couldn't tell if he was apologetic or not.

"Let me guess. Because then they'd have to kill me to?" I asked bitingly, glaring out the windshield.

Edward said nothing.

_You've got to be fucking kidding me_…

"Holy shit! Who were those people? The mob?" I was going to continue to use this volume level until I got a damn answer.

Again. Edward said nothing.

I was prepared to wait in awkward, angry silence.

Edward cracked after about a minute, his voice soft and pleading, "Bella, there are some things in my past. I can't help it. I can't be worrying about you while I'm gone. So, I cannot tell you what just happened. All I can say is that I swear to God I'm going to keep you safe. Please don't ask because you know I'd do anything for you if you asked me."

All the adrenaline and fire that had been running through me was suddenly extinguished with his pained confession. I grew silent as I took in his seriousness. My energy was gone. I had none left. I was overcome with the biggest feeling of exhaustion that I had ever experienced. It had been way too busy of a day. If Edward wasn't going to tell me then I was just done. I wasn't up to arguing.

I had finally visited my parent's graves. Of course that event would be eclipsed by a shoot out.

There was only so much I could take. I was done.

"Are you coming to my soccer game on Monday?" I asked emotionlessly. I eased my foot off the pedal until we were driving along at a respectable 40 miles per hour.

My question completely threw him off guard. In a baffled voice he asked, ". . .Bella?"

I sighed tiredly. "If you're willing to act like nothing just happened, then so be it. I can pretend too." What I was saying completely contradicted my thoughts. But if this is how Edward wanted it, I would play along. . .mostly because I was resentful. I hoped he would sense that I was still pissed. . .but I doubted it. Especially if he was serious about what he said.

Edward sighed as well. "I'd love to go to your soccer game."

And I knew, no matter what I did, or how much I pleaded, Edward was not going to explain to me what had just happened. Nothing I said would force him to tell me who those men were willingly. I was dolefully resigned; I wasn't going to know why there were men trying to kill my boyfriend. I was safe. I trusted Edward with my body and soul, if he was confident that I was safe, for the moment that would have to do.

Logically, anyone would think I had the right to know. And I did. Edward knew that. Anyone would have agreed with me, but I wasn't going to argue with him. Something bad had happened with Edward before I met him. I knew he would tell me eventually, but for now, I had to trust him when he said that he was keeping me safe. After all, that's what trusting someone with your life means.

People could call me an idiot. I was one. I could accept that. But those people didn't have the absolute faith in Edward that I did. They didn't know him like I did.

Plus I honestly expected that he would crack in a couple hours and tell me anyway.

It went against everything in my being to let something slide. Especially a goddamn shooting. I was that annoying girl who got the answers she wanted because she was annoying and persistent. I knew if I really wanted to figure everything out, I could get Edward to tell me. But it wasn't just about me any more. If I want people to treat me like I'm in an adult relationship then I was going to have to start thinking more about Edward.

I didn't want to ruin the time we had together. He was here for just barely two and half days. I had to push this shooting out of my head for the time being. I know, I know, but don't judge. I was doing what I had to in order not to weaken my relationship with Edward. He said he'd do anything for me. In truth, it was the same for me. I would do anything Edward asked. I wasn't going to be double standard bitch. I was not going to bug him about this.

I mentally rolled my eyes. If he doesn't want to talk about the fact we were just in a scary gun show down and would rather discuss the fucking economy. . .well. Whatever.

So. Edward went to my soccer game like nothing had happened.

I was quietly pissed about the last part of that statement.

I was frustrated that my little plan did not seem to be working, but again, I warded off those thoughts because Edward was here for one more day. I wasn't going to be furious at him when we could be having amazing sex. I would wait until he was on a plane and I got over the inevitable sadness; then you bet I'd be mad as hell at him. But for now, we were pretending. I couldn't send my boyfriend to war angry at him; it was something that I absolutely would never do. Ever.

I may be immature but I knew what it meant to love a soldier.

I went to the soccer field about an hour before Edward, to warm up with the girls. When Edward and Esme arrived the coach had given us a five minute break to stretch. It was a cold autumn day, so I threw on the soccer sweatshirt and jogged across the field to say hi.

Edward had found Elliot and they were talking about something. I arrived and went to stand next to Edward. It appeared they were on friendly terms but I did raise a pointed eyebrow at both of them.

"Hey Bella," they said in unison. My eyebrows went down when I didn't sense any bad blood between the two of them.

Edward, looking devilishly handsome in his college's sweatshirt and jeans, looked back at Elliot. "So, Elliot, do you own a gun?"

I frowned and my shoulders sagged. I looked over at Edward, and he sure as hell knew he was getting _the_ look. "Yeah," Elliot shrugged, "my dad's a cop and I hunt all the time."

Edward nodded expecting that much. "Good. Stick with her," he wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me to his side.

My eyes bugged out, "What?" I hadn't realized I had said it the same time Elliot had, with just as much shock. Edward glanced over at me for a spilt second before looking back at Elliot.

"Keep an eye on her for the next nine months. You see a shady guy even within eye sight, you shoot him."

My head fell limply fell with agitation.

Edward really did have a way with people.

Elliot's face scrunched up in confusion. I was still confused as to why he was even here. He looked at Edward like he clarifying with a six year old. "In school?" he asked slowly.

Edward nodded, undeterred. "Yes."

Elliot blinked rapidly at him. He was judging whether or not my boyfriend was serious. I, on the other hand knew he was completely serious; and was completely aggravated. "On campus?" he asked again as if Edward would realize what he was saying.

Edward looked to be getting impatient. "Is that a problem?"

Elliot exhaled loudly, finally understanding Edward wasn't joking. "Dude. It's illegal to have a gun in school. I would get expelled, and probably arrested. And then I'd have to go to counseling for years."

"Use your connections," Edward suggested.

"What damn connections?" Elliot asked loudly. A soccer mom glanced over at him, a scowl in place. He sheepishly lowered his voice. "I don't have any connections!"

Edward thought about this for a few seconds. "Rose's mom," he remembered, "she hooked up with the principal. . .use that."

Elliot blinked. "Cool." He nodded at both of us and walked past us to where a blonde girl in our grade was sitting.

What the hell?

My life was beginning to feel like a bad movie.

I looked at Edward and sighed. "What?" he asked with the hint of amusement. I rolled my eyes and shook my head, giving him a small smile showing that I thought he was annoying. With that I slipped out from under his arm and ran back to the other side of the field where the team was gathering leaving Edward confused. I could definitely tell that he wasn't as socialized as he had been towards the end of his previous leave. He was just so damned cute I couldn't be mad for the time being.

Edward did explain that the gun thing was an aboslute last resort, he wasn't to shoot unless shot at. Edward was just being intimidating because...well that's my man.

After the soccer game -which we kicked ass in- it was already late and Edward and I went back home on his motorcycle. Esme had some work to do at her office, something about a rehearsal dinner gone covering an unfortunately long shift at the hospital so we had the house to ourselves. So, I saved water and showered with my soldier.

A very long…very _loud_ shower.

Afterwards it was late so we decided to call it an early night. Edward would be leaving tomorrow morning with Esme. She had a conference in the cities so she could take him to the airport. I would have loved to take him to the airport and miss half a day of school, but I had two tests, both in the morning, and one of them couldn't be taken at another time. So he'd be leaving before I'd normally even wake up.

And truth be told, I think I was taking him leaving better this time. I don't know why. I knew it would never be easy to know he was going away from me to war. But maybe with time it would become more manageable and I would be able to handle it better.

Edward locked the door to my bedroom after he finished packing the small amount of clothes he had brought in a duffle bag. I watched silently, lying in bed, fingering the dog tags in my hands. He flipped off the light switch and crawled into the bed next to me. Only the bedside lamp remained on.

"Well," Edward sighed, "we've had quite the past couple of days," he chuckled. I nodded in agreement.

I scooted over closer to him. "Maybe next time you come home we should just go to the movies," I suggested, curling up under his arm. Edward laughed.

"Come on snicker doddle, what's the fun of that?" he grinned crookedly.

"I think I've had enough living on the edge for awhile," I admitted, playfully elbowing his ribs.

"That's respectable," he agreed, laughter in his eyes. I was glad to have my Edward back. I loved and missed him everyday, but he was here for the night and I was the happiest girl in the world.

After a few comfortable minutes of silence Edward spoke, "I'm sorry I haven't been more sensitive. How have you been doing since the cemetery? It was type of an overshadowed event…" he trailed off.

I shrugged. I had too distracted to think about it, and I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. "Eh, I'm fine. It was something good I guess. I don't know exactly what to think about the dead, and Heaven and God anymore. I'm a sucky Christian. But I can't just say that going to visit them made me completely better."

Edward smiled as I looked over at him. He leaned over to kiss my head. "You're not a sucky Christain babe. I would never expect seeing the gravestones would suddenly make the hurt go away. I _know_ it doesn't. But I know God exists, there's not a doubt in my mind."

I waited skeptically, "Why?"

Edward grinned softly. His fingers played with my hair as he spoke. "I thought the same thing you were thinking now, up until about a year ago. But then I got a letter. And I thought to myself, I must be a fucking lucky man if this amazing, caring woman would take the time of day to write me a letter. And after that, my resolve only grew stronger."

Edward's words warmed my heart and made my face glow. I smiled softly and leaned up to kiss him on the cheek. "Well aren't you a sweet talker," I cooed with a smirk.

"One has a lot of time to think of such things in the desert," he winked. I grinned, secretly flattered.

"Well," I started slyly. I moved up onto my knees and moved one of each side of this torso. Edward got this lazy smirk when he saw where I was going with this. "I suppose I could give you something to think about…" I trailed off. I pressed my chest flush against his and leaned in close so I was inches away from his lips.

"Trust me, it's already crossed my mind a few times," he whispered with a smirk. I let out a giggle as he swiftly flipped me onto my back and started to attack my mouth with his.

We made love well into the night. Finally we were both too tired to stay awake any longer. But I didn't want to go to bed; because I knew when I woke up he'd be gone.

I curled into Edward's warm muscular. We were both lying still but I could feel his heart beating fast like mine. I bit my tongue as Edward's breathing started to even out, traveling rapidly towards the lull of sleep.

"Edward?" I asked quietly. Edward hummed lightly, acknowledging he heard me. "Will you. . .stay awake a little longer? I just, don't want to lose any time with you," I whispered. I craned my neck up to look at his face. He had the softest smile on his tired face.

"We both need to get some sleep babe," Edward reminded gently. I gnawed on my lower lip, my eyes wide as I stared at him.

"Have I ever told you how my life has changed so much since I met you? I can't remember anything feeling like I do when I'm in your arms," I whispered. I reached my hand up to touch his cheek.

He caught my hand with his and held it on his cheeks, "Before you Bella, I had no reason to live. I really didn't. But now, you've become the key to my survival. I have never tried harder to stay safe, because I want moments like these until I'm old man in a nursing home."

Edward leaned to kiss my lips promisingly. "For now though, let's just fall asleep. I hate saying goodbye; I hate what it does to both of us." I nodded and placed a kiss back on his lips before snuggling back into him and pulling the blanket up.

"Love you," he mumbled sleepily. His arms tightened around my body.

"You sure as hell better," I muttered back. Edward laughed quietly before we both drifted quickly off to sleep.

Or so I thought. I was on the brink of slumber when Edward's voice barely dared to whisper, "Thank you Bella."

I managed a quiet grumble out, "For what?"

"For being everything I need."

I had the most restful night of sleep with Edward there. I hadn't been able to sleep as well since July. I couldn't remember the dreams I had, I forgot them before I even woke up, but whatever they were, they were good ones.

I was woken up from my slumber by the beds of my feet being tickled. For a moment I thought I was back in Ohio, because that's how my mom used to wake me up from school.

My eyes fluttered lazily open. They focused on Edward sitting in the dim lighting on the edge of my bed. He grinned crookedly when he saw I was awake. I blinked, confused. Then I looked over at the digital clock and saw that is just barely 6 in the morning. I jolted up into a sitting position and began to furiously rub the sleep out of my eyes.

"I'm coming, just, give me…I, I, here, one sec! I'll-" I looked around the room, disoriented. Edward interrupted me and slid up to sit where I was sitting.

"No, you're going to stay in bed," he hushed. I stared at him, my eyes beginning to prick. He leaned in and wrapped his arms all the way around my body tightly. "We're not saying goodbye," he assured me.

"Just see you later," I finished for him. I fought off the tears. I had cried enough last time and if I started to cry now it would just make life so much harder for both of us.

"I love you," he whispered after a minute of silence.

"I love you too."

Edward gently unwound himself from me. I knew it was time for him to go. I felt so helpless watching him sling his duffel bag over his shoulder. It sucked knowing there was nothing I could do to make him stay. There was nothing he could do either.

"Be good Sergeant," I called softly as he started to walk out of the room. There were too many things going unsaid between us, but I couldn't bring myself to care in that instant.

Edward looked back, a thousand memories of our various times together running through our minds. I knew he wasn't handling this as easily as he liked me to believe. But he put on a smile.

"Always am," he winked playfully. I smiled sadly as he turned and walked out of my bedroom door. I just continued to stare at the door, silent.

And just like that, he belonged again to the army.

* * *

_With every appearance by you, blinding my eyes,_  
_I can hardly remember the last time I felt like I do._  
_You're an angel disguised._  
_And you're lying real still,_  
_But your heart beat is fast just like mine._

_Will you stay awake for me?_  
_I don't wanna miss anything_  
_I will share the air I breathe,_  
_I'll give you my heart on a string,_  
_I just don't wanna miss anything._

_And if it's a hero you want,_  
_I can save you. Just stay here._  
_Your whispers are priceless._  
_Your breathe, it is dear. So please stay near._  
Awake, Secondhand Serenade

* * *

-Read message on the top if you haven't. I would also like to add that I do not have an updating schedule (it's normally every Friday or so) I'll do what I can when I can.  
-WARNING: I never claimed that this was realistic story. If you don't like it, don't read it. I'm sorry but it is completely impossible to please everyone, and fellow writers know this. I write this for me and the only reason I post is because there are some of you that I owe it to.  
-Next two chapters are Alice filled. I'll leave you to your speculations.


	32. Chapter 32

This chapter is dedicated to my cousin Becky who has just joined the army wife community, her husband, Ryan, just enlisted in the army. Here's to you two!

* * *

My pencil was continuously tapping the giant math text book as I sighed. I dreaded my math class. I was taking college level courses and they were exceedingly boring. I had finished the quiz and now I had over twenty minutes left of the period. I was so bored.

It had been almost a month since Edward's visit. He had been very busy since he got back and I worried so much about him. He just got back from a mission a few days ago and we had a phone date tonight. It was weird, but I was still getting used to not having him around. I missed him more and more everyday, especially with all of the holidays fast approaching.

It was insane to think that in less than two weeks it would be one year since I wrote my first letter. When I looked back it seemed like there's no way 12 months have flown by. But somehow, they had. And boy had I changed big time.

I had never really liked going out to parties and stuff, but now, I would rather sit at home and plan care packages for Edward and his squad than go to the movies with the soccer team.

At times I felt almost arrogant because I did feel like high school was time to end. I felt like everyone was far too self centered and worried only about what they looked like and when their graduation parities were going to be. It made me almost jealous, because instead of thinking about stuff like that, I was plagued with nightmares about Edward inIraq. I worried about him constantly.

I almost punched a girl last week. She was telling Rose and me about her boyfriend touring colleges. "He's been gone a whole week!"

Try having your boyfriend half away across the world for fucking months, bitch.

But other than that, my life was moving on normally. I was continuing to get letters from colleges in the mail and it was fun. I had been getting accepted into some really great schools. I was getting more and more excited for my life after high school. I just wanted to get a chance to find out what I should be doing with my life.

Edward and I kept up a constant stream of letters, phone calls and emails. We didn't really communicate important stuff in letters anymore. I talked about colleges and life with him over the phone when he could but mostly over email. We got letters from each other that were just filled with really sweet things to make each other smile.

I only remained angry at Edward about the gun thing for a few weeks. I had to accept that my life wasn't in immediate danger as of now. Well. . .I didn't really have to accept it, but I didn't want to create a rift between him and me. I hadn't told anyone about it because in all honesty, I was trying to forget about it. Though I did want to talk to Edward about the man he may or may not have killed. I knew Edward and that was not something he would be taking lightly. But I got the sense it wasn't safe to talk about it in any way other than in person. I don't know why, it probably wasn't rational, but I just wanted to pretend it was a dream. So for the time being I dropped it and distracted myself.

And then there was Elliot. I rolled my eyes. I was getting ready to punch him too. The guy had moved most of his schedule to fit with mine per Edward's request. Math and a few electives were the only classes I didn't have with him. I doubted that he really had a gun because that would be incredibly illegal, but I didn't exactly feel unsafe with him nearby. I hated it because I felt like I had a babysitter but I had grown to forgetting the reason I saw so much of him.

And at home, Edward had gotten to Carlisle too. The day Edward left, Carlisle installed one of the most expensive security systems available. So I was pretty freaking protected.

The girl sitting next to me, cramming to finish her quiz, glared not so subtly at my moving pencil. I silently sighed and put the pencil down. Instead my foot started bouncing up and down. I propped my elbow up and cupped him chin in my hand, staring at the clock.

The intercom dinged to life and the secretary's voice filled the classrooms. "Pardon the interruption; Isabella Swan to the office. Isabella Swan."

Sweet!

I was out of that classroom before the teacher could even say Trigonometry. I slug my back pack over my shoulder as I walked quickly down the halls, mentally dancing for joy. I was curious as to why I was getting called down to the office though.

I walked into the warm office, softly shutting the door behind me. The secretary, a small blonde woman at about 50, was peering over her glasses at me. I knew her but she had no idea who I was. "Isabella?" she asked. I nodded. "You have a phone call," she informed me. She held out a corded phone to me and I reached out to take it, wondering who the hell it was.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Bella," Edward exhaled. I perked up immediately. The secretary glanced at me, a knowing look on her face. She had heard Edward's telephone voice too. I gave her a "tell me about it" look before turning my back to her.

"Edward why are you calling me?" I asked uncertainly. Dread coursed through me, "Are you hurt? What happened?"

"No baby, I'm fine, just a few cuts and bruises," he assured me. My brow furrowed as I took in his voice. He sounded upset but I could tell he was serious and trying not to convey it to me.

"From what?" I demanded. I glanced apologetically back at the secretary for my loudness. She waved her hand and turned to walk to one of the back offices.

"Promise me you'll stay calm."

Like hell. "I promise."

Edward sighed, "Our squad was patrolling the grounds on foot. There was no imminent danger so Alice was with us to, I had partnered up with her. We had heard a cry from inside a building. The structure was degrading and it looked abandoned. Before I could stop her, Alice took off running to get in the building. Before I could make a move to follow her, there was a loud explosion. I got to the ground and immediately called my squad back. When I saw there was no one coming out of the building and that back up was coming, I ran into what was left of the building."

My mouth fell open. I stared unseeing at a fake plant, my eyes wide as Edward recounted the events. My head started to shake back and forth as my body filled with fear.

"Alice is okay. She's pretty banged up though. When she stepped on the first floor boards they set off a grenade, thank God it was smaller one. She did get thrown back from the force though. Now she's with the medics, from what they've told me she completed shattered her left tibia. She'll be in a cast for up to three months. She also broke her right radius."

I exhaled in relief. "Oh my God," was all I could say. Then I frowned, "how's Jasper holding up?" I felt nothing but sympathy for that man. But I couldn't help but be selfish and glad that Edward was okay.

Edward sighed tiredly. "He's a fucking wreck. Their relationship is highly secret so he can't blow his cover. He's been relying on me for information and waiting until it would be an appropriate time for him to visit her without causing suspicion."

I couldn't imagine Alice laying in a hospital bed with army medics surrounding her small broken body. I could completely imagine her risking her life for a child though. I couldn't identify with Jasper as of now, and I hoped to God I would never have to.

"There's more," I accused. Edward could have waited for our phone date to fill me in on this. He must have really wanted to get a hold of me to be patched through to Carlisle or Esme and then the school.

"Yeah," Edward agreed grimly, "there's more."

I waited, preparing myself for whatever else he was going to throw at me. I would have rather been still in Trig then having this conversation.

"Alice has been discharged," Edward confided, and I could tell he was upset. My mouth fell open further. "Her enlistment would have been up in a few months, but now she has an honorable discharge. She's no longer in my squad."

Fuck. I considered this. I wanted to groan. Edward loved Alice like a sister, they all did. . .well expect Jasper, he loved her a hell of a lot more. None of them wanted her to leave. And Edward was so fond of her. She was his favorite member of the squad and it was really saying a lot that Edward trusted her. He was like me, we both chose our friends carefully.

"Do they normally grant discharges like that?" I inquired curiously.

"Sometimes, rarely I guess," Edward admitted. He seemed to be thinking heavily upon this as well. It didn't really make sense to me.

"Oh Edward," I sighed sadly. This was one of those moments where I wanted nothing more than to hug him.

"Why the hell am I a sergeant?" he asked rhetorically. I frowned. I should have known instantly that Edward was going to blame himself for the accident. I closed my eyes sadly, wishing for the perfect thing to say.

But I was only 18. I wasn't a character in a book or a perfectly scripted actress. I said whatever I thought was going to make him feel better. "Because you care. This wasn't your fault, she would have gone to the cry no matter who she was with. There is no way in hell you could have stopped it; even the president of the United States couldn't have stopped her. You know that. This has nothing to do with you or how amazing you are at your job," I chided him fiercely.

Edward remained silent. I wished more than anything that I could be with him. But I waited until he was ready to say anything. I would wait all through my science class if I had to.

"Alice, she's leaving the camp in a couple days. As soon as she clear to travel." I chose to ignore the fact that he was probably going to keep blaming himself. That was a whole other bridge to cross. Evidently Alice was more important right now. I hoped he knew I wasn't going to let him drop this forever.

"Where's she going to go? Her parents are gone, she doesn't have any family?" Even though I was asking the question my mind was already miles away. I had plans immediately forming.

"Jasper wants her to go his dad's house. He's been trying to get a hold of him for the time being."

I shook my head. "That won't work. Unless Alice plans to never shower or if she's just really comfortable with her body and Jasper's dad."

"What do you mean?" Oh men. I love how cute you are.

"She's going to need to shower Edward. And if she's got a cast all the way up her leg I think she could use a little help. You know that we have more than enough room at our house and Esme and Carlisle love her to pieces. For the time being I think she should come and live with us. Plus, Esme could use some help around the office, I know Alice would hate to be doing nothing. And Carlisle's a doctor! He'd be able to keep an eye on her." I was getting excited. I knew I was getting ahead of myself but I lovedAliceand I wanted to help.

"I don't know. I'll ask her once she's feeling up to it. I think the last thing she wants right now is to think about leaving Jasper. It will only make her more stressed and slow down her recovery," Edward decided hesitantly. I shook my head sadly. _Oh Edward_, none of you want to think about her leaving.

"You better go keep an eye on her. Call me later if you can," I requested softly.

"I'm sorry, snicker doddle, I can't. They are shutting down communications for the next 48 hours to keep from news leaking out. The only reason I was even able to call you is because I convinced the captain you are Alice's only family, and even then we are seriously breaking protocol. His ass could be on the line and I definitely owe him one." Edward had told me that they did that awhile back. It made perfect sense. But it was very saddening that Alice didn't have any family to alert.

"Alright. For what it's worth I love you. And I think you're pretty great," I added.

"Love you too, bye." And then I was listening to the dial tone. My head fell back, mentally wiped from that conversation. That's my cross bearing Edward.

A few days later I was driving to the airport. I had to beat Alice's flight. Jasper had escorted her to the closest airport in Iraq since Edward was "occupied" and helped her settle into the plane. Her mobility was almost non existent. So, I had to get there and help her get out of the plane and into the car. I had no idea what I was expecting from her. She had a lot of things to be sad about though.

It was a Friday and I took off the entire day of school. Rose had agreed to stick it through and take notes in the classes I missed, and boy did I owe her for it.

I beat Alice's flight by 10 minutes and once it landed, I was waiting. I explained the situation to the very nice boarding attendant and she allowed me to go on the plane and help Alice off. She looked like a wreck when I got to her.

The whole way from the plane, through the airport and to the truck she hardly said anything other than a greeting. The right side of her face was bruised. It was now an ugly shade of purple with yellow starting to surround it. It looked like she hadn't slept for days and she just looked so sad.

"I'm sorry Alice," I offered once we were in the truck, driving down the high way. I didn't know what else to say. I sucked at this.

"It's not your fault. You didn't set a grenade," she disagreed emotionlessly. I frowned and stole a glance at her. She wasn't looking at me, but instead staring out the window at the passing landscape. It was exactly what Edward had done the first time he arrived.

"I know it doesn't help, but I know partially what you're going through," I tried. I would stop talking in a moment because it was apparent that she was in a talkative mood and I could respect that. But I needed her to know that I had been separated with Edward twice now and it got more manageable.

Alice almost cracked a smile. "You're the only person who could say that to me without pissing me off."

I almost had a smile. I decided to push my luck. I know I should have left her alone, but I kind of wished someone would have talked to me and been able to understand what I was dealing with when Edward left. "Have you ever been away from him?"

Alice shook her head and sighed. Her head fell against the head rest as she continued to stare out the windshield. "Not since we first met. I mean he's been away on missions and I've had a few other assignments too. But we were always on the same continent."

I could have been comforting and asked her to talk about it more. I could have said so many things that probably would have made her feel even remotely better. But I just had to say the one thing I wished someone would have said to me the first time Edward left. "It sucks doesn't it?"

"Oh yeah," she agreed instantly. I looked over at her and she glanced at me. We were in the same boat now. And with that knowledge, I think we both drew strength from each other.

Carlisle and Esme had both arranged their schedules so they could be home when Alice arrived. I was already planning a shopping trip after taking a look at her one suitcase. But that was just an idle thought as Carlisle rushed to help Alice out of the truck while I grabbed her suitcase.

Carlisle leaned down so that he had his arm wrapped securely around her waist on her left, cast side and she swung her arm around his shoulder. They slowly made their way through the garage while I followed with the suitcase. Out of all the soldiers to end up at our house, it was evident that Carlisle was glad with the one who did.

Esme pulled Alice into a tight hug as soon as she walked through the door. I set her bag down and grabbed her a bottle of water out of the fridge. She took it gratefully after Esme released her and helped her to the stools.

Alice wasted no time before profusely expressing her gratitude. "Thank you so much Esme and Carlisle. You really didn't have to do this. . ."

"Oh yes we did,"Carlisle disagreed, the way he said it sounded like he was leading on to something. I looked at Esme, expectantly.

"Of course we did!" Esme threw in. "I went from having one child to six. Well, okay, Rose was always like a second daughter, but that point is moot. Ever since this summer I have thought of you all as my kid's and I've been worrying about you four like crazy."

Alice looked touched. But Esme wasn't finished yet. "I bet you didn't know that I've been writing letters to Jasper either. I figure if the three of you had Bella and Rose, then he needed someone. You've gotten quite the young man, Alice. Forth of July was a fantastic holiday, it felt like the one's I grew up with, with all of my cousins and aunts and uncles. I always wanted a big family and now I have it. And I don't want it any other way."

By the time Esme finished her slightly erratic rant, all of us females were getting misty eyed. I felt like this was one of those group hug moments. I never really had thought of this is in Esme's perspective. But as I look back now, of course she would take in everyone as her own. I should have seen it coming before they even arrived. She was such a caring person and she loved so deeply and endlessly.

Esme hugged Alice and me to her once again as if she had raised us our whole life before releasing us and leaving us very emotional as Esme walked out of the room. I knew what she was thinking without her having to tell; Alice just found herself a new set of parents. And I think that meant more to her than a lot of other things in life. I grinned softly before we slowly made our way up the stairs to the bedrooms.

I didn't want her to have Edward's room and really, I don't think she wanted his bed. She knew what things we had done in there. So instead I had given her the blue and brown bedroom at the other end of the hall.

Alice plopped down on the bed exhausted. I crossed the room and fell on my back next to her.

"So,"Alice said in a much more content voice than she had had an hour ago, "I guess I'm moving up in the military."

I looked over at her with a raised eyebrow. I sure as hell hoped that she didn't have amnesia. That would be a little overwhelming. I didn't want to have to remind her she had just been discharged.

Alice giggled at my confusion. "Haven't you heard the saying, the most important job in the military is the girlfriend?" I laughed with her.

I agreed, "It's definitely the hardest."

* * *

_So take these words_  
_And sing out loud_  
_Cause everyone is forgiven now_  
_Cause tonight's the night the world begins again_

_I wish everyone was loved tonight_  
_And somehow stop this endless fight_  
_Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days_  
Better Days, Goo Goo Dolls

* * *

-Golf is officially done! (completely officially) Unfortunately our team didn't kick as much ass as Rose and Bella's did, but it was a good season, and I'm back!  
-A lot of you learned last chapter that I'm still in high school. I don't have any type of college education yet, so don't expect me to write as if I've spent four years learning how! I don't even know what I want to major in! haha  
-More of why Alice is back and creepy guys next chapter(:

-And again; if you're going to flame, please have the balls to log in and not do it anonymously. Thanks(:


	33. Chapter 33

"Bella!" Alice called, stranded in her room. I exaggeratedly rolled my eyes and groaned simultaneously.

"Yeah?" I hollered back, irritated. I was really trying to finish the dumb analyzing I was doing in English class of an American Classic. I had got assigned _The Raven_. All I'd come up with so far was that Edgar Allen Poe was a whacked up guy who was addicted to poppy seed. I couldn't get passed the second paragraph. I don't even think it had a real meaning to it, Poe was probably drunk when he wrote it, and now its timeless piece of literature that people write their fucking thesis's on.

I'm sure my teacher would love any paper I wrote with those thoughts.

As you could tell I was bitter. Rose had gotten _Huckleberry Fin_.

"Could you come here for a second?" she asked, anxiousness flooding her voice.

"You just went to the bathroom 10 minutes ago!" I yelled agitatedly. I could practically hear Alice roll her eyes.

"Not that, you idiot! Get in here!" she insisted. I grumbled a few profanities as I threw down my pencil and pushed myself off of my bed, slowly trudging down the hallway.

I loved having Alice here already. I mean, she had been quiet for the most part and writing tons of letters to Jasper. Literally, she had probably written over a dozen letters already. But as of lately she had been starting to perk up. Esme adored having her here and I thought it was fun too. She was like our new shiny toy to play with. But I had to help her shower and pee every two seconds.

"Shut the door,"Alice requested as I arrived in her room. Wordlessly I pulled the door shut and then leaned on it. I looked around the room and realized it looked just as immaculate as when Esme had cleaned it before her arrival. I guess her time in the army helped her keep things tidy.

I raised an eyebrow at Alice expectantly. She better have a damn good reason for interrupting my Poe. She was sitting on the bed, her casted leg dangling over the edge with her other leg tucked in.

"Look at these!"Alice exclaimed, panicked. She pointed her good hand at her breasts.

I blinked and my face scrunched up. I started out confused, "I know you miss Jasper and all…but I don't really think I'm the answer to your loneliness…I'm not really into that." I shuddered.

I had a feeling if I was closer I would have been slapped.

Alice glared at me. "You are so not my type. And that's not what I meant, regardless. My boobs are not normally this big. And I don't think they've inflated with freezing air," she elaborated. My brow furrowed. I hadn't really been checking her out, so I'd have to take her word for it.

"Do you really spend that much time looking at them?" I asked, earning me a half eye roll and a sour look.

"No! But when they get that big I do take notice! I've never had big boobs in my life!" I could see that Alice was beginning to grow borderline hysterical. "Plus, look at this!" she hissed.

I watched as she used her free hand to pull up her baggy t-shirt. I stared at her pale stomach, baffled. It had been a few months since we were at the cabin for the 4th, but I could definitely see thatAlice had put on a couple pounds since then. But it had probably just been gained this past week, what with Esme spoiling the hell out of her and all…

Alice was looking at me with wide eyes. I knew what she was freaking about. I knew there was a possibility that the freaking out could be completely justified. I tried to assure her otherwise, "You haven't exactly been able to exercise lately. When I sprained my ankle two years ago I put on like five pounds because I couldn't run…"

Alice shook her head. "I've missed two periods."

I blinked, not reacting. "Esme!" I then hollered loudly.

"What was that for?" Alice hissed quietly. I shook my head as Esme called back in acknowledgement.

"You are taking a pregnancy test, right now." I told her, leaving no room for argument. I called Esme because I didn't have time to drag Alice all the way down the stairs and get her into the car, and then drive to a gas station. Plus someone would see me buying a pregnancy test and I'm screwed for the next two months. But if it were Esme who was purchasing the test, it wouldn't look weird; she was still young enough to have a kid.

"Buy three," Alice requested meekly. I nodded at her, taking in her stage of panic.

"It'll be okay." My mind was already in hyper drive with the possibility that Alice could be pregnant. We needed to know if she was or not, and quick. "Start chugging some water!" I called as I rushed down the hall to the stairs.

"Come on Es!" I exclaimed while I slid into a pair of boots. Esme was shrugging into a jacket and appeared at the front door. It didn't look like she had any idea where she was going, but she was just going with the flow.

"I'll drive," she announced as we trotted outside and down the stairs. I nodded in agreement. "_Where_ am I driving?" she wondered as we approached her car.

"Gas station," I told her as we both slid into the car. "Alice is probably knocked up," I told her, slightly hyper.

Esme hummed as she pulled out of the driveway. She was fairly calm about it. "Hmm, maybe you should have sent condoms in your care packages."

I huffed.

She _did_ have a point though.

The gas station was only a mile down the road. I filled Esme in on what she needed to buy and she nodded, accepting her mission. I opted to wait in the car, not dressed for the ridiculous winds. After anxiously cranking up the heat dial, I glanced around outside, antsy.

There was nothing unusual happening. There were just cars pulling in and out of the parking spots to pump gas, some running to the store hurriedly. I tucked my hands under my butt, wanting warmth as I continued to look around.

My brow furrowed as my gaze landed on a young man. He was dressed very proper for his age, he only looked about 20. He was wearing a pin striped suit complete with a black tie and black pea coat over that. The guy looked like he had slipped out of a magazine with his exotic yet appealing face. He slipped out of his Mercedes, again, not something I'd think someone like him would be driving.

I grew even more confused as he pulled a small, but extraordinarily high tech looking digital camera from his pocket. I continued to watch as he turned on the camera and raised it up. Then he turned his back to me and started casually snapping pictures of the neighboring apartment complex. Slowly he rotated to his left, still snapping pictures at a fast speed.

Finally he settled in my direction, or I should say the direction of Esme's car. My stomach knotted uneasily as he slowly continued his circle, taking pictures of her car. For a second, our eyes met. There was some flash of recognition in his mysterious eyes. I was almost positive I had never seen this man before in my life, and so I continued to stare, memorizing him.

Our gaze broke apart when I lowered my eyes. Within a second he was continuing his circle of picture taking. When I was sure he was no longer staring at me I glanced slowly back up. He had stopped again, this time his camera was angled at the door leading the gas station.

My mind was begging me not to jump to conclusion. He was probably just a young mogul. His father wanted him to look around at the land of the gas station so he could buy it and demolish and then build an unnecessary KFC in its spot. That was clearly the most reasonable explanation. I didn't have to think every strange man I met was going to pull out a gun. But the fact that he drove such a dark, shiny Mercedes was enough to make me raise an eyebrow.

Before I could break apart an inner argument, Esme pushed the glass door from the building and walked out. I glanced at her for second, noting that she looked like she normally did everyday. Then I hurriedly looked over at the young man. He seemed to snack a few more pictures of that area where Esme was leaving and then he slipped into his car before Esme even reached the vehicle. He was speeding out of the parking lot as Esme threw the plastic bag at me. The whole experience left me very unsettled. I made a note to ask Edward.

"I bought four," Esme informed me, breaking me out of my thoughts. I looked over at her, momentarily confused. Then I glanced down at the plastic bag she had tossed on my lap. Oh! Yeah. "She better be drinking a gallon of orange juice as we speak to generate enough pee for them," she continued, oblivious to my distraction. She was completely unaware that she had probably just been photographed.

"I don't think that'll be a problem for her," I replied, my mind else where.

Esme sighed quietly after a moment. I turned towards her, having heard the sigh. I frowned, my eyebrows arching together.

Then it hit me. Esme and Carlisle had adopted me because they hadn't been able to get pregnant on their own. I cringed. This probably wasn't going to be a fun next couple of days. Esme loved me more than anything and I was so fucking lucky to have her. But I knew that she still sort of wanted a baby to call her own, she wanted to be pregnant and hold a bundle of joy that her and Carlisle and created out of their extreme love.

If the pregnancy tests actually had been for Esme she would have been so incredibly thrilled. She wouldn't be freaking out like Alice was back home. She'd be dancing around the house, anxious to confirm her suspicion with Carlisle, glowing like crazy.

No matter what happened with Alice and these tests, it didn't matter, the damage had been done. If Alice wasn't pregnant, she would still be sad for awhile, reminded that she was not pregnant either. If Alice was pregnant, Esme would be happy, but she'd have to watch Alice's belly grow with silent envy. And if Alice was pregnant and God forbid, she wanted to get rid of the baby; Esme would not make it. It would kill her to see that people who didn't want a baby could conceive one so easily.

I sighed too.

This was a whole lot of shit for an 18 year old.

Fortunately, we were home in less than two minutes. Esme pushed away her threatening sadness and prepared herself for the role of knowing mother. I on the other hand darted out of the car as soon as it was parked and sprinted up the stairs, the plastic bag clutched in my hand. The four boxes clunked against each other as I ran to her room.

Alice was almost in the same spot I had left her. But now, she had a huge water bottle that I used for really warm soccer games. It held like a liter, and she was just swallowing down a particularly large gulp when I threw the door open. She jumped, startled and then looked at me with wide eyes. I gave her the cliché, do it fast like a band aid speech as I helped her hobble warily to the bathroom.

We got into the bathroom and I closed the door behind us. I helped her to the toilet and she awkwardly sat down on the seat, carefully sitting unexposed. I fumbled with the first box and ripped it open after a few seconds, ignoring the perforated lines. The little white stick fell out into my hands. I tossed it like it was on fire to Alice who caught it with her good hand. She waited as I ripped another two out of their pink boxes. Then I grabbed a gross towel out of the cabinet and threw it on the sink counter, ready for the pee sticks.

Alice looked in her hand at the identical white sticks. She slowly took a deep breath in and then shakily let it out. Her eyes not losing their huge size.

"Maybe we should do this later, I should try to get a hold of Jasper first…" she muttered, looking at me panicked. I could tell that she didn't really want that. She just wasn't ready to find out or not.

"And then you'll freak him out that you might be pregnant. You don't want him a hysterical mess for the time it takes for you to take the damn test and call him back. It could affect his safety. So pee!" I commanded, gesturing towards the stick in her hands, slightly agitated. I wasn't really agitated with her; I just needed to see the fucking results.

Alice opened her mouth, about to protest no doubt, but I stopped her. With a smirk I turned on the water from the sink faucet so that it was flowing in a steady, loud stream. She glared at me as she grudgingly stuck the sticks under her and I turned away, silently snickering.

The fact that we didn't speak just made the sound of her peeing a hell of a lot more awkward.

After she finished she plopped the urinated sticks on the ratty towel and pulled her pants up one handedly. I read the box to see it would be a two minute wait. Alice's cloudy eyes never left the three sticks.

I hoisted myself onto the granite counter and sat there silently, counting to 120. In the back of my mind I tried to fathom how incredibly frightened and alarmed Alice must have been in those seconds. For a moment I placed myself in her shoes. And then I hopped right back out of them because it scared me shitless to even consider the possibilities.

I reached 90 mentally and looked at the sticks. They were still blank.

Well. . .so much for my Poe time. . .

The next 30 seconds were filled the most intense silence I had ever experienced in my life. It was more intense then it had been when my parent's caskets were lowered into the ground. Hell, it was more intense then when my fifth grade class figured out exactly how one has sex.

Alice must have been counting in her own head, because when I reached the allotted amount of time, she finally broke eye contact with the tests. She turned her head completely away from them. "You look," she begged quietly. I stared at her incredulously. Then I realized she was serious.

So, with a gulp of air I leaned over the sink to get a view of the towel. I was so nervous that it felt like these were my own tests. Biting my lip I noted that all three of them were identical. I read the inscribed label on the side, the key to reading the results. My eyes widened.

Two pink lines.

I stared at them, unmoving, unblinking, just staring.

Alice grew impatient after about a minute. Her impatience won over her anxiety and she snapped, "Oh for the love of God," at me. But as she said it she had turned back to the tests and saw instantly what I was staring at. Hence the seven syllable extension of the word "God."

She gapped silently at the tests. Then finally she exhaled her eyes impossibly larger. "Holy shit," she whispered quietly.

I nodded, thinking the same thing myself. "Congratulations Mama," I offered quietly, gathering my voice.

Alice still didn't look at me, her voice full of shock as she asked, "Is Carlisle home?" I raised an eyebrow, regardless of the fact that she couldn't see it. That seemed like an awfully strange thing to ask after discovering you're pregnant.

"No, why?"

"Because I'm pretty sure I'm about to pass out," Alice informed me, completely awestruck.

"Maybe we should try Jasper?" I suggested meekly, having no clue what one was suppose to do in this situation. I was eight fucking teen. Not 30.

It took a few, extremely anxious and tense hours before we could get a hold of Jasper. Alice and I just stayed in her room, saying whatever thought popped into our head about the current situation. It was dark outside by the time we were able to reach her soldier. I have no idea why exactly he was on the phone at 4 in the morning, maybe it was the frantic emails she had sent him, insisting he call her.

Her cell phone buzzed suddenly, seeming extremely loud in the silenence. Alice got up and reached over to the end table and snatched it up. I stood up and made a move to leave the room, wanting to give them some privacy. Alice immediately grabbed my hand and pulled me back down onto the bed. I looked at her, surprised, but she just gave me a pleading look.

I was about to tell her to answer her phone when I felt my back pocket vibrate. I held up a finger and pulled my phone out of my pocket and saw Edward's name flashing. Showing her that I wasn't going to leave, I held the phone up and went to sit on the chair, across the room from the bed, just to give her some privacy when she told him.

I had never seen someone look so scared. She frighteningly nodded at me before flipping her persistently buzzing phone open. I followed suit.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked immediately before I could even manage a hello. His voice was filled with unnecessary concern.

"What? Yeah I'm fine. Why?" _Hi babe, I've had a bit of stressful day? How's yours going?_ Nah; we evidently didn't roll that way.

Edward let out a loud exhale of relief. "Well I checked my emails the same time Jasper did and we both got slightly concerned when we saw you had been so desperately trying to get a hold of us."

"Shouldn't you be sleeping?" I questioned. I wanted to forget about the Alice baby drama thing for just a couple minutes. I hadn't talked to Edward since last week when he called the school. I missed the shit out of him.

Edward ignored my question. "What's up with Alice?" Or we can go back to the baby drama. That's cool too.

I looked over at Alice. By the looks of it she hadn't quite spilled it to Jasper yet. I mouthed her asking if I could tell Edward, she nodded fiercely in response. The poor woman was scared shitless. "Well, Uncle Edward, it seems like we have an army baby on the way."

Edward was silent.

I was about to say something, concerned about the length of the silence when Edward spoke. "You're not...? You're not pregnant, right?" his voice so even more scared than Alice. I was starting to get annoyed with these soldiers, they were the bravest people in the country, but you say the word baby and everyone starts to freak out.

My reply was decidedly sarcastic. "Yes, clearly I am. Because you asked a question about Alice, and I called you uncle; that adds up to me being knocked up."

Again; a sigh of relief. A very _large_ sigh.

"I'm sorry! It's 4 in the morning. I'm a little out of it," he defended. I felt selfish for keeping him up, but I figured after Alice and Jasper's little talk, Edward would be awake longer anyway. "So, are we happy about the little bugger?"

I sighed, glancing over at Alice, who appeared to finally be getting to the bottom of it with Jasper. "I'll let you know when she figures out."

"Hmm, I wonder why that didn't show in her blood work or anything when she was getting treated two weeks ago," Edward commented, accepting my uncertain answer.

"Is it possible that it did?" I asked curiously. I realized that Alice was pregnant when she had gotten thrown against the floor from the grenade. The realization filled my gut with dread. She would be seeing Carlisle immediately.

"That's what I was thinking." Edward's voice lowered, like he didn't want to be overheard, "I don't see how it couldn't have. And I was wondering about the discharge, those are rare, and Alice's didn't make much sense," Edward said thoughtfully.

"What would have happened had Alice found out she was pregnant there?"

Edward thought about this for a second. "Well, she probably would have had the choice to return to base and avoid the deployment, or she could choose to be honorably discharged. But as far as I know, she didn't choose to."

"Maybe your captain, or whoever the hell issued the discharge, knew that the baby was against the rules, since it was Jasper's. So he discharged her without the embarrassment and didn't tell her either. That'd make sense," I proposed.

Edward chuckled softly, and for a moment I was back under the trees, lying in the hammock with him, listening to his laugh. And then, when I repositioned the cell phone, I snapped back to the present. "You have such a cute way of reasoning about the army snicker doddle."

And now I was being laughed at.

I sniffed, "hmph," mildly offended.

"Sorry," Edward controlled his laughter. "Anything else exciting happening with your life?" he asked interestedly.

I told him about the gas station run and about the guy who was taking the weird snap shots. Edward listened silently, not interrupting as I expressed my concerns about Esme and why he may have been taking pictures of her.

Finally, after I was finished Edward spoke. "They're getting too close for comfort," he mumbled away from the receiver, but I still picked it up. "It's probably nothing to worry about babe, but I'll sleep on it, and shoot you an email tomorrow if I suddenly think it's a problem. You're safe where you are," he assured me firmly.

I nodded. "What about where you are?" I hated asking, but I needed to be assured.

"Fine, things have actually been kind of boring," he admitted, and I could tell he was being honest. I was satisfied with his answer.

After my weird, stressful week full of AP crap, missing Edward, Alice drama and paranoia I was just so completely drained. I was in dire need of some normalcy, the kind I knew before I met Edward.

"So," I prompted casually, "what do you want for Christmas?"

* * *

_If I could, then I would _  
_I'll go wherever you will go _  
_Way up high or down low _  
_I'll go wherever you will go _

_And maybe, I'll find out _  
_The way to make it back someday _  
_To watch you, to guide you _  
_Through the darkest of your days _  
_If a great wave should fall _  
_It would fall upon us all _  
_Well I hope there's someone out there _  
_Who can bring me back to you _  
Where You Will Go, The Calling

* * *

-Two updates in one day! Pretty sure that's the first time that has EVER happened.  
-Next chapter is some boring Christmassy fluff, just btw.  
-"_Twilight Moms are banding together in a group on Facebook __to support our troops_!" They write to soldiers every week and send packages regularly. If you are interested there is a link on my profile! Seriously, seeing people do this is the BEST type of review I could possibly get. You're all awesome(:


	34. Chapter 34

_Silver bells silver bells  
Its Christmas time in the city  
Ring a ling hear them sing  
Soon it will be Christmas day_

I _loved_ that song. Even after listening it for the past four weeks on the radio, it still didn't get old. I loved Christmas so much. I had grown up with many festivities and love shown on that particular day of the year that I had carried my joy to my teen years.

This was the second year in a row in which I knew Edward, -and in this case loved him- and he couldn't be here. I had fantasies of him being here for the holidays, wrapping presents, helping Carlisle chop down a Christmas tree, lifting me to put the angel on top of it...I had to convince myself that those would happen some day, just not this year.

I hated thinking what he was doing right this moment. Normally I allowed my mind to wander in that direction. But right now, it was like 5 am in Iraq, and Edward would soon be waking up, Christmas morning. He deserved to be here with me. But then again, that was my annoying selfishness.

Fortunately for me, I had quite the distraction. Alice couldn't have picked a better time to get knocked up. I was discovering that holidays were the worst without your solider, by far. But with Alice and her constant freak outs...well, let's just say I was never bored.

After she told Jasper about their predicament, they had both panicked separately for awhile. Finally, Edward and I couldn't take it anymore and made them call each other. I practically had to hold her hand throughout their entire, hour long discussion. They had decided they would keep the baby and were coming more and more to terms with it everyday, but she still was extremely anxious.

"I'm 21 fucking years old. I should not need a damn maternity dress,"Alice griped as she looked at herself in the mirror.

Alice was past her first trimester of pregnancy already and that meant that she didn't look fat anymore, she actually looked pregnant. As it turns out, after she took the pee tests last month, Carlisle immediately scheduled her to meet with a gynecologist. She and Jasper actually conceived in September…and I got the specific details on that. Her pregnancy had passed by undetected by her because she hadn't had any of the regular symptoms of pregnancy, like the barfing, cracker eating, aches, and whatever else.

"Oh come on, you look adorable," I assured her, amused. Even though she hadn't had any of the other signs of pregnancy, her mood swings were definitely beginning to kick in.

And she did. Look adorable that is. Esme, her and I went on a shopping spree. Well not really. Alice didn't want to hobble around with two casts and a crutch through the mall. So she let Esme and I upgrade her wardrobe. Damn, there were some really fucking cute clothes. I wished Alice could have come with us, because I was getting really excited for her, seeing all the little baby stuff.

For Christmas Eve mass Alice grudgingly put on an adorable gray sweater dress. She looked super cute with the way it hugged her amazing bump. Alice was so petite, that she was just one those adorable pregnant women.

"I look like a whale. A giant, gray one," Alice grumbled. I watched as she ran her hands over her protruding belly slowly. Even though she was still scared, I could see that Alice was growing to love her baby more and more each day.

"You can wear my purple dress if you want," I offered, hiding my smirk. I was talking about the one I had worn to church last year. This year I was wearing a somewhat similar dress, a sweater, long sleeved white one.

"Great! So I'd look like a fucking sugar plum!" she all but snarled at me. I pressed my lips tightly together, fighting the laughter. I had so seen that response coming.

"We are going to be late. You look cute. Can we go? I don't want to have to sit in the front with Father Peter's glare." We still had to put up with that man. Though I had to admit, his Easter homily was almost close to making sense. I was optimistic that maybe, he would be getting even closer.

"Maybe it'll be like last week when he gave me and my belly the eye and then launched into how abstinence is key," she growled as we started to make our way down the stairs, "he was about four seconds away from being taken down army style."

"One can only hope. I'm sure the children would really enjoy that," I agreed with an eye roll.

Carlisle and Esme were both not so surreptitiously glancing down at the staggering amount of presents under the tree. I had wrapped mine damn good. There was no way they'd be getting a sneak peak. And with Alice's arm still banged up, I volunteered to wrap hers too. They snapped into focus when they saw us making our way down the stairs, totally innocent.

It had been a rough month for the two of them. They had done a hell of a job hiding it though. They were watching Alice get more and more pregnant and go through all of the experiences they so wished they could. It sucked ass to watch them try and hide it. Alice, bless her heart, guessed they had gone through some sort of ordeal and babies were a sore subject with them, so she didn't flaunt it in front of them. Esme really loved her though, so she insisted on becoming Alice's mother figure and Carlisle her sorta father.

I on the other hand had gotten the role of stand in boyfriend.

"You two clean up nice,"Carlisle smiled. He held out his arm, offering to take Alice. We both grinned back at him, and he looked snazzy himself. He was grinning at us like we were the two best daughters in the world.

"What are the chances of me getting these casts off sooner than three weeks?"Alice asked as I helped her with her coat, and Carlisle helped Esme with hers. Like I said; stand in boyfriend. I almost rolled my eyes.

"Slim to none," he answered apologetically, yet with a mocking exasperation in his voice. Alice had been asking often about that.

We were just about to try and go outside when Esme froze, her hands stopping us from moving. "Wait! Picture!" she exclaimed. And then she darted off to the kitchen to get her camera, her heels clicking loudly as she pranced. Carlisle's and my shoulders sagged as we looked at each other knowingly.

The four of us got through the picture painlessly and braved the glare ice road to go to church. There, we found a respectable spot in the crowded church, halfway up the aisle. Esme and I shared a cat-like grin and nod; we had successfully avoided the front portion of the church.

Then we all sat open mouthed, trying to understand where the hell Father Peter was going with his current homily. This time, I started out, thinking I'd understand it, because he was talking about the nativity scene. But then…he went to the topic of his grandparent's farm. I tried to stick with him, but when he somehow wound up talking about Mexicans and their pickles I was thoroughly confused.

I always felt guilty walking out of church baffled and irritated. But when the Lord giveth Father Peter to us…there's not much one could do. But it was amusing to see Alice trying to dissect what he had preached. Evidently the god ole priest made a comment about parrots too. I wasn't entirely sure where that fit in.

But Father Peter wasn't the only person who had me thinking. I could have sworn I saw the same man from the gas station last week at church. Maybe my paranoia was just beginning to push the edges of extreme, but I would be willing to put money that it was him. He wasn't sitting with anyone he looked to know, actually, he was sitting in the absolute back row, about 15 pews behind us.

I noticed him at the beginning of mass when I felt someone's eyes on the back of my head. I shivered when our eyes locked for a second, I was confident that it was the same guy. I just wasn't sure what he was doing. I couldn't very well say that he was following me, just because I saw him twice in my life. I mean, my theory about him just being in town for business still stood solidly. I was just having a little trouble convincing myself that he was harmless.

It was Christmas, for the night I was going with the mogul theory.

But that didn't mean I had forgotten about me and Edward's brush with death. Honestly, it had just slipped my mine. Edward never brought it up; ever. And with Alice and her pregnancy, I was too busy to try and think about why the hell there were people trying to kill Edward. I'm sure people would scoff at my sense of self preservation, or see me as a damsel in distress. But I was going to trust Edward because I loved him, and I hoped he knew what was best.

I had way too much other shit to deal with in my life. I wasn't resisting the urge to pester him because I felt I needed to be protected and I was helpless, no, I just had so much going on in life that I was trying to work through, that I figured delegating the whole gun thing to Edward would be more than fair. So what if I didn't really do the delegating and rather the decision was more like forced upon me…

Once we were home, we all dug into Esme's fantastic and traditional roast. Just like last year, she had stared that crock pot down, making sure it didn't dare do anything she didn't want it to. It paid off. Alice was not a self conscious eater I also discovered…though I did raise an eyebrow when she went in for thirds. Something told me she had always eaten like that, and it wasn't just the baby talking. But hey; all the more power to her.

We finished our meal off with my traditional Christmas sugar cookies. I ate four. Then Alice and I made our way back up the stairs to change into our more comfortable clothes for the watching of the Santa Claus movies. And this year, since Alice was clearly deprived, we were going to throw in Will Ferrel's _Elf_.

Within seconds of inspecting the tree surrounded by extravagantly wrapped presents, I knew which one I wanted to open. We only opened one Christmas Eve and the rest in the morning. Alice grabbed a box that I had given her and unwrapped the cutest onsies. They were both camouflage coloring, one of them said _Pooper Trooper_ on it, and the other one had a picture of one of the army's tanks that read _My Daddy's Got Your Back_ and proudly read U.S. Army below the picture. Her eyes teared up as she looked at the clothes, her hand subconsciously resting on her belly. She tackled me with a giant ass hug.

After Carlisle opened a new blender (evidently that's what I have to look forward to as an adult) and Esme opened a new shirt and necklace combination from me, I looked down at what I had in my lap. It was an envelope addressed from Edward to me that was his unmistakable handwriting. I didn't notice Esme had left the room; I was too excited to open the envelope, wondering what the hell Edward had in store for me.

_Dear Bella,_

_Merry Christmas snicker doddle! I love you so much and wish I could be there in person right now. _

_Lately I just can't stop thinking about the summer we spent together. When I close my eyes, I see it so clearly. I feel the cool waves hit me in the face and I hear your laugh as we spin around on that jet ski and you crushed my rib cage. I can't stop remembering the words that came out of your mouth. I love you too. _

_That was the best 4th of July of my life, it burns so bright in my memories as one of the best days of my life. Love belonged solely to us, but I had to go, and you understood. But I'm coming home soon, just hang in there 'til summer comes around._

_But, I got you the next best things. I'm not there for Christmas, and the week of Valentine's Day is out, so, you have a date to senior prom m' lady. I got the whole week off and it's been approved. Guess I'll have to find a tux…I'm counting down the days. __But until then, I got you someone to take my place for the time being. Hope you like him. Merry Christmas darling. _

_Sincerely,  
__Sergeant Masen_

I jumped in my seat on the coach when I heard a bark. It wasn't even a bark. It was more like a yelp, much higher than Ares. Beaming, I spun around to see Esme re-entering the living room, but a little puppy tucked in her arms.

Since I was a teenage girl; I did the teenage girl thing to do.

"Oh my God! He's so cute!" And with that, I shot out of my seat and rushed over to Esme. She grinned at my exuberance and gently passed the little pup to me. He was the size of a small loaf of bread (probably could fit in a coffee mug.) He was mixed colors of black and brown. "Hi buddy," I cooed excitedly, stroking his head softly.

I looked up and over at Carlisle and Esme who were both smiling watching me. "He didn't," I accused looked amused by my glee nodded and then laughed when I beamed.

"I can't believe Edward got me a puppy!" I looked down at the tiny bundle of fur in my arms and my heart just about melted. From the looks of it, he was a Yorkie and he was about the most fucking cute thing I had ever seen in my life.

I loved that man to death.

A few days later, the day of New Years Eve, I got a phone call from said loved to death man. I was sorta bummed out that I hadn't heard from him until then, I wanted to wish him a Merry Christmas by hearing his voice. But, I was totally distracted by the new puppy.

Esme informed me that Rosalie and Edward had been cahoots throughout the past couple of weeks. He had sent the letter to her to give to me after they had extensively emailed and formed a plan to get me a puppy. Apparently Edward sent her the money and she went to pick out a dog that I would like, the day before Christmas and she brought it over to the house. There Esme kept him curled on a pillow in her bathroom, therefore leaving me unknowing.

I wonder what Edward thought about Rose's dog choice.

Personally, I didn't think Yorkie really screamed army sergeant to me.

After only a few minutes of deliberation on my part, I had come up with the perfect name for such a puppy. I named him Sarge, after my soldier.

I loved the little guy to pieces. Alice and I were immensely entertained by him and we spent the few days after Christmas coddling him. Ares seemed very indignant about the whole thing at first. But slowly and surely the new puppy warmed its way into the golden retriever's heart.

Anyway; Edward's phone call. I had also gotten him something for Christmas. He had gotten me a puppy; I had gotten him a web cam. Mine was a much more selfish gift. I just wanted to see his face when I talked to him. The phone calls were quickly becoming not enough.

I got a text from Edward telling me to log onto my Skype. Excitedly I left Sarge in Alice's care and rushed to my bedroom to retrieve my laptop and sign into it. I waited impatiently while it connected me to Edward's receiver. Then I realized I looked like crap and quickly tried to pull my hair back into a pony so it didn't appear so sloppy.

Then I saw Edward's face peering straight through the screen at me and I wanted to cry. I burst into a giant smile when he grinned at me. He was wearing a white wife beater and his sexy as fucking hell glasses. He had a five o clock shadow gracing his jaw and tired, yet bright green eyes.

"Hi," he grinned boyishly. I beamed back at him, wanting to throw myself in his arms. It felt so good to seem him. It felt like it had been ages since I last saw his face.

"Hey," I said shyly. I tucked the loose strand of hair that had escaped my pony tail behind my ear.

"God, you look stunning," he breathed. I raised an eyebrow and looked down at myself. I wasn't wearing any make up. I had on a plain long sleeved navy cotton shirt and a pair of jeans. Stunning wouldn't exactly have been the word I would have used.

I couldn't think of anything to say, instead I just smiled nervously. I looked past his face and recognized his room from pictures he had shown me. It looked like a standard, boring, small room. But there was an American flag hung proudly on the wall and there were new pictures scattered above his bed which he appeared to be sitting on. I smiled to myself when I realized who was in those pictures.

"Did you like your present?" he asked after a moment, a knowing, crooked smile on his face. I brightened.

"A little bit," I admitted.

Edward chuckled. "I'm curious, what'd Rose pick? A Husky? A German shepherd? A Britney?"

I laughed as he continued to guess. He was guessing a bunch of hunting dogs that were hardly lap animals. Edward looked confused as to what I found funny. "Did she pick a Chiwawa?" he sighed, aggravated.

I giggled. "No, I now have a yorkie making friends with Ares."

Edward's head fell.

I laughed silently when he looked up, even more agitated. "Really? A yorkie? What the hell. She was supposed to pick out a dog that reminded you of me. Like a guard dog! Not a little fur ball that scratches your legs."

My shoulders shook as I continued to silently laugh. "I love him Edward. He's perfect," I assured him as soon as I could speak without giggling.

Edward sighed for good measure, having accepted my pleasure of the gift. "Where is the little runt anyway?"

"Keeping Alice entertained," I grinned.

Edward nodded. He didn't say anything but I watched as his face transformed to a serious expression. My smile slowly slid as well. "How's she doing?" he asked, concerned. It was a shame that Edward had been an only child; he would have made an amazing big brother.

"She's doing better. She misses you all like crazy and she was so overwhelmed for awhile," I sighed, but then decided to continue, "I think she's excited for the baby now. She's due May 15th." That was absolutely insane. In less than 5 months Alice would have a little baby. It felt like yesterday we were all first meeting on the 4th of July. Now this year's forth would include a baby.

Edward frowned. "Damn," he muttered. I watched as he ran his hand through his hair, frustrated.

"What?"

"Our deployment isn't over until mid June," he sighed unhappily. There were a few rare occasions when I forgot where Edward was. I mean, I knew he was in Iraq and he was gone, but, a couple of times (very fleeting occurrences) I didn't remember what exactly he was doing over there. I guess that was just my mind's way to try and block out the worry. This was one of those times, but now I was frowning with him.

"And you'll all miss the birth," I finished for him. Edward nodded, pursing his lips together. I hated how much of our lives they were all missing. I was insanely proud of Edward, and Emmett and Jasper for that matter. But I just wished that my boyfriend didn't have to be the one deployed.

I sighed. "How are things over there?" I repositioned myself so that I was no longer sitting cross legged but lying on my stomach on the bed. I rested my chin on my arms so that I was level with the screen.

"They're okay. Nothing much has been happening lately," he replied looking down at his lap. I raised an eyebrow as I took this in. Edward was lying. He wasn't meeting my eyes and the way he said it was a dead give away.

"'Kay," I started again persistently, "and what else?" I asked in a voice that let him know he was busted. Edward looked up at me sheepishly, but with a set of grave eyes that took away from his boyish look.

With caution he told me what was going on. "Emmett and I are going out on a mission tomorrow. There's a group of resistant civilians that have been causing terror in peaceful villages; killing the leaders, raping the women. We have to go and take them out with another sniper and other trained guys. Don't worry about it, it's an ambush, we'll be perfectly safe."

This was extremely rare. My brows furrowed. Edward never told me what he was really doing in Iraq. For the most part he just told me that he was safe and his squad said hi. I never got to hear what he was really doing, other than a mention of a patrol shift starting. The last time I had gotten this much detail was from the grenade that had broken Alice's leg.

I found that it was almost easy to remain calm in these situations. I trusted Edward and I knew he would be safe. From where I was, there wasn't much more for him that I could do other than offer support. And maybe not freaking out so he wouldn't get stressed would help a little too…

"How long are you going to be gone?" I asked, trying not to react exaggeratedly. Edward was taken aback by my light tone. Both his eyebrows shot up as he looked me over. I fought the urge to roll my eyes.

"We are taking a Humvee to meet up with the other group of men that are more familiar with the area. Then we'll have to take a helicopter because it's kind of a remote village. It won't be more than a week at the most. It'll probably only be a few days. We just have to catch the bastards at the right time so fewer civilians are harmed," Edward informed me, the last part spat out with distaste.

Now it was my turn to raise the eyebrows. I was almost blown away that he was this forthcoming with information. I didn't think I was going to get anything out of the man. I wondered if maybe he was a little nervous about the mission. I wished I could be there to weasel it out of him and make him talk, because I knew that's what he needed right now.

Another concept that was hard to grasp was the fact that we had so totally different lives. I mean, who would have thought a 22 year old army sergeant could make it in a relationship with the 18 year old high school honor roll girl. This is the shit novelists make their millions on. It was just weird, but sorta cool to think about what each of us were doing when we were apart.

I was sitting in class thoroughly fucking confused with Trig and Edward was off ambushing enemies.

I felt slightly insignificant. And I was okay with it.

"And this is why I fell in love with you," I smiled softly. I wanted to kiss him so bad. I wanted to be next to him, or actually in his arms. But instead I just had to remember what it had been like.

"What?" he asked confused as to why I had changed the topic. I smiled adoringly at the camera as I gazed at the man who had flipped my entire life upside down.

"Because, you're the closest I'll get to Superman."

* * *

_And then I close my eyes and one more time_  
_We're spinnin around and you're holdin on tightly_  
_The words came out, I kissed your mouth_  
_No 4th of July has ever burned so brightly_  
_You had to go, I understand_  
_But you swore that you'd be back again_  
_And so I'm frozen in this town_  
_'Til summer comes around_

_Oh, and I close my eyes and you and I_  
_Hand in hand we cried and laughed_  
_Knowin that love belonged to us, girl,_  
_If only for a moment_  
_Baby, I'll be back again, you whispered in my ear_  
_But now the winter wind is the only sound_  
_And everything is closin down_  
_'Til summer comes around_  
'Til Summer Comes Around, Keith Urban

* * *

-Next three chapters all have cliffy endings, just warning you now.  
-I've decided that some people don't like the whole gun/Edward's past/creepy guys thing. I can respect that. With that being said, those who don't like that can look for warnings on top of chapters where the main point of the chapter is that. You can just skim over it and pretend it's not happening if you want. So, if you don't like it; don't read it. Don't tell me you don't like it, because I've written the entire story and I'm not changing a thing(:  
-Thank you all for your kind support!  
-Oh, and there is a chapter in Jasper's POV coming up...(I think it's like chapter 38.)


	35. Chapter 35

For the few of you who have a problem with Edward's past/guns/guys in suits/puppies/whatever, look for the * in front of paragraphs to know that the section until the next * is about that. Don't send your complaints to me please.

* * *

_Dear Bella,_

_I bet you're surprised to be getting a letter. At least I hope I can still surprise you. But I know this letter won't reach you for at least a week, and I just needed to talk to someone…without really talking to someone. Don't be mad at me?_

_Remember that mission I told you Emmett and I were going on? We just arrived back at camp yesterday. When I think about if I'll enlist in the army after I'm discharged, I'll have to remember this assignment. Please don't worry about me, I'll be fine. I just wanted to write this down and get it out of my system._

_I've been trained extremely well for deployment by the military. So I didn't realize that I was sorta nervous to travel to the village with Emmett. This is my job though, as of now it's my career. I should have been more prepared for what I saw. But things have been so tame around here lately that I've almost forgotten that there's more than giving school supplies to kids._

_The sniper assigned to our mission was very good. His name was Josh and he was a really friendly guy. And he was as normal as a guy could be. I envied that he was able to be so nonchalant about what he did for his country. He had a spotter who worked with him named Mitch. There were two other sergeants from a camp only a few miles away, Jake and Martin. The six of us actually got along really well. It was a well combined group._

_We arrived at Jake and Martin's camp and took a helicopter to a location near the village. Emmett and I were selected partially because he and I had gone to airborne school. So, we parachuted down to the ground and hiked about a mile and made camp right on the edge of community. The village was located in a dip of the earth, so our spot on the hill overlooked all of the people and left us hidden._

_Since I have the best shot of the four of us, Josh spent a day enlisting my help with a sniper rifle. He had two and there were four men that we needed to take out. Emmett and the other guys kept watch and planned the attack. I was never really sure what Mitch was doing, he appeared to be looking in some type of scope._

_I fucking hate killing people Bella. I promise you that I don't like what I do. But Josh did his job amazingly well. I took out two of the men. The first one was right next to Josh's first kill. They had been shacked up in a hut for about a day, and we had been waiting for them to come out. They both went down at the same time, each of us only needing one shot._

_Sorry. I shouldn't even send this. But I have to keep going. Josh was stalking his own second shot while Mitch helped me locate the one man left. We spotted him dragging a sobbing woman away from her home. I couldn't do anything because we were too far of a distance and I didn't want to hit her. Once he heard Josh's gunshot he looked around confused and the woman got away. Anxiously I pulled the trigger on him. I hit his arm. But he didn't go down; he just stumbled back and grabbed the wounded arm. And then I shot him again and he went down._

_God I'm the worst fucking boyfriend ever. I'm not sending this letter. You do not need to be exposed to this shit. But if I feel like I'm talking to you, then maybe it'll make it easier. I don't feel like I'm cut out for the army. Josh told me that with my precision I could have fooled him as a trained sniper, he'd put in a good word for me. I don't want that praise. I don't want to know that I'm good at killing people. No matter how evil they are, I still feel like I'm taking away someone's father, someone's husband. There is someone in the world that is going miss those men whose lives I took._

_But you know the only thing that lets me sleep? It's knowing that those women could have been you. It could have been you that motherfucker was dragging out of her house to do repulsive things with. And that image filled me with so much rage that I had to pull the fucking trigger without another thought. This hadn't been the first time they had done this. That woman who got away keeps me going too. That woman could have been Esme, or Alice, or even Rose._

_I'm sorry. You deserve more than me._

_Sincerely,  
__Sergeant Masen_

Holy shit.

I loved that Sergeant Masen more than anything in the entire world. My heart clenched as I read the letter once more. Tears threatened to spill from my eyes as my frown grew deeper. I pictured Edward, alone in his room with no one to talk to about what had happened.

I felt awful. I felt awful for so many reasons but the biggest one was that Edward had wrote this letter over two weeks ago. And he hadn't said anything to me about this mission or what had happened when we were on the phone or web cam. It made me feel like worlds worst girlfriend. But the other reason I felt horrible was because Edward thought he wasn't good enough for me. I had assured him time and time again that he was the best thing for me. I wished he didn't beat himself up.

I sighed sadly as I folded the letter up. I was curious how the letter reached me. Emmett, maybe?

There wasn't anything I could do right now. I knew Edward had just gone to bed and I couldn't call him. And he was 8000 miles away…which was always a problem. I hated feeling this helpless. It sucked.

Alice and Esme I'm sure picked up on my doleful mood, but they respected my privacy and didn't say anything. Instead they just continued to flip through their magazines uninterestedly. We had been in the waiting room for over twenty minutes. I had brought Edward's unopened letter with me, knowing I'd probably need something to read. And now I was regretting that.

Today was Alice's 24 week check up. She had been getting even more pregnant and today was the day she was going to find out the sex of the baby. I knew I had about three minutes to put on a happy face, but I had just gotten miserable. Esme and Alice had met me here after school and we were still waiting.

Frustrated, I slouched farther in the uncomfortable chair. If I had know this was how he was feeling when he had gotten home from his mission -instead of two weeks later- I could have said something, or done something to help him. But he wrote this two fucking weeks ago, and I was annoyed that I hadn't even had the chance to say anything. Why hadn't someone written a handbook on this shit?

I wasn't sure how I felt about Edward being a good sniper. I didn't think anything less of him for killing two horrendous men. I wasn't appalled that he could kill people so easily. That was his job. The more I thought about it, the more I realized I loved him for it. He had saved tons of women and villages by pulling the trigger. He was a hero. It was me who didn't deserve him.

"Alice Brandon?" All three of our heads whipped up in the direction of the women in blue , smiling brightly. "Right this way," the nurse smiled. Esme gave Alice a hand getting out of the chair and the three of us followed her out of the waiting room and down the hallway.

Alice had gotten her casts removed the week before and I was still thanking God. No more pee trips! And trust me; with her baby jumping on her bladder there had been a lot of them. But now, she could walk and better yet, shower on her own.

The ultrasound technician went right to work after the nurse finished taking weight and vitals. It was so amazing to see a little gray fuzzy baby on the screen and see Alice glowing. But regrettably, my heart wasn't in it this visit. I just kept going back to Edward's letter. I'd have to apologize to her later. Fortunately for me, Esme had enough marvel for the both of us.

"Is daddy going to be joining us?" The technician asked, looking at the watch on her wrist. I mentally shook my head in disdain. Nice move lady.

Alice's eyes tightened, "Actually he's inIraq. So no, he won't be able to join us today, or for the birth." The woman looked taken aback by Alice's sharp and bitter tone. Alice continued in a tone dripping with mock politeness, "It would be just great if you'd print out a sonogram for him to see."

Lately with Alice's hormones in overdrive, she decided she hated the army. That's actually not accurate to say because sometimes she loved it. But as of lately, she hated all the rights of female soldiers, and she hated that her boyfriend was gone, and then there was something about a tattoo that I hadn't quite followed…

Needless to say, today was one of those days she had the, _send your own damn boyfriend off to war and bring mine back_, attitude. The woman blinked, confused but than closed her mouth and nodded without saying another word. She went on to point out the heart, the head, the toes…etc. Then finally, still treading lightly on Alice's moods, she asked, "Would you like to know the sex of your baby?"

"Yes!" Alice exclaimed excitedly. She looked over at Esme and me, and shooed us away with a hand gesture. It was going to be a surprise evidently. We didn't get to know before Jasper. And that was something that I could respect. So we took that as our cue to get out of the small room.

Esme had to jet out of their and get back to the office for a hysterical bride, so I waited in the scarcely occupied waiting room. I took out my cell phone and did nothing in particular with it. I just didn't want to feel like a loser.

*After about a minute some guy came in through the sliding doors. I looked up at the man who was wearing a pin striped suit and looked very prestigious. Instead of looking back down, I noticed that he ignored the sign telling people to check in before taking a seat. Instead of doing so, he sat down in an empty chair a few next to mine. I sat up straighter.

I was about to go back to ignoring him when he cleared his throat and extended his hand to me. "Hello, I am Mark," he smiled weirdly. I tried not to look creeped out and gave him my hand to shake. He was about 40 by the looks of it, but he had wrinkled lines all over his face from stress most likely, not laughter.

"Hi," I purposely didn't offer my name. I was still a little sketchy about men in suits. Mark seemed to notice this.

"And do you have a name?" he asked, trying to smile comfortably at me. I pursed my lips, resisting the furrowing of my brows. I may have answered less hesitantly had he at least checked in or something.

"Isabella," I nodded. Something told me not to give him my nickname, or my last for that matter.

"Ah," he nodded, "that means beautiful in Italian." Really? I thought sarcastically, I had no fucking clue buddy. "Do you go by Bella?"

That was a red flag going up. This didn't feel like casual conversation. "Sometimes," I replied, looking back at my phone, hoping he would take a hint.

"Is your boyfriend here with you today?" he asked. My head whipped up and I stared at him, an eyebrow raised. He chuckled at my expression, and his laugh made me want to punch him. "Don't be alarmed, I was merely asking because you are in the birthing unit."

Decent cover. Didn't mean I believed him though. "I'm waiting for a friend. I'm not pregnant," I answered flatly. No longer trying to be polite.

Mark rushed to defend himself with the weird cheery tone, "Yes, yes of course! My apologies. You seem far too young to be a mother. If I'm not mistaken you only look like a senior in high school."

I didn't comment.

He continued as if I had readily agreed. "Come to think of it, I do believe I have seen you before! Yes! You were with that basketball player, Elliot Parker? Yes indeed, that was most definitely you." My mouth almost fell open.

If that didn't scream red flag I didn't know what the fuck did.

"You don't say," I muttered rudely. This guy was stalking me. Sweet. Edward and I would be having words. For some reason, my gut was telling me this man was someway related to the shooting back in October.

Oblivious to my distaste in the conversation, he continued like we were old buddies. "It is good that you two are not becoming parents. A baby would ruin his promising basketball career."

"He's not my boyfriend."

"He's not? Hmm, you two seemed so close. He is so protective of you, is he not?" What the fucking hell? This man was pissing me off. The more he talked, the more I just knew this had something to do with the creep disproportioned nose guy. And the way talked made it seem like he had been following me.

My head whipped back in his direction, getting ready to give him an angry ass rant. Or Elliot, my promising basketball star of a friend would shoot him. "What the hell? Okay Mark, leave me the-"

Alice interrupted my string of swear words with a perky greeting. "Hey Bella!" she smiled happily, an envelope tucked into her oversized purse. She looked positively stunning with her glow. "Ready to go?" she asked joyfully. I looked away from Mark and over at her. She seemed pretty pleased with the result of the test.

"Yeah," I glanced pointedly at Mark before sticking my phone in my pocket and standing up.

*"It's been a pleasure Miss Swan," Mark nodded at me as we walked past him. I said nothing and continued on my stride. Alice's brow furrowed in confusion to my rude attitude but then shrugged it away; too thrilled to be bothered by it.

Alice started chatting away excitedly away we excited the building and made our way to the truck. She was rhetorically asking the best way to tell Jasper what they were having. I nodded or shook my head at some of the times and let her continue her bubbly talking. I was happy for the two of them. I knew those two would make kick ass parents.

*While she chattered the way home, I realized something. I had been running through my conversation with Mark. All of it had been strange and unsettling but then I remembered he called me Miss Swan at the end of it.

I had never told him my full name.

o0o

"I'm nervous,"Alice stated while she impatiently strummed her fingers against the keyboard. I think she was telling me this, only for the sake of talking.

"Why? Is he going to be disappointed?" I found that hard to believe. Edward had mentioned in passing the Jasper was actually getting excited about the prospect of becoming a father.

I was waiting anxiously to find out the sex of the baby just like everyone else. So Alice let me stay in the room when she was on the webcam with Jasper and we'd both find out at the same time. The internet in Iraq had been down for a couple days, so the wait was killing me.

Alice rolled her eyes. "No! Well maybe…but I doubt it. I mean, do you think he will?" She looked at me, panicked. I stifled a chuckle.

"I'm sure he'll be fine with whatever it is," I assured her. I was hoping it was a girl, named after me. I mean, we didn't have to call her Bella. I was fine with Isabel, or maybe even Izzy.

Alice nodded in agreement. Then she glanced down at the screen and her face lit up excitedly. "Oooh! He's on! Should I answer?"

I gave her a look.

"Right," she nodded.

Within seconds we were both looking at Jasper's anxious face. I smiled in greeting and fell back on my bed to give the two of them some privacy.

Jasper's accented voice rang with love. "How was your appointment darling?" I closed my eyes and let the two of them converse.

"It went great, I'm getting really big," Alice answered excitedly. I scooted out of her way so she could turn to her side and show him her bulging belly. We were both sitting on her bed, well actually I was lying by the pillows and she was at the edge with the laptop.

"You look gorgeous Al," I looked over to see her beam happily. Pregnancy really suited her well.

"How's our little guy doing?" Jasper asked adoringly with the concern of a proud father intertwined in it.

Alice smiled as she rubbed her hands up and down her stomach. "He's good; he's getting big and strong and starting to kick."

I got it a few seconds before Jasper did.

In marvel Jasper asked in an amazed whisper "Did you say he?" I sat up, wanting to see his face. His eyes were wide and he had a boyish grin on his face, eagerly waiting for her to answer.

Alice giggled and nodded, looking down at her belly. My mouth fell open in gleeful surprise.

Isabel's out. Ben's in. I could roll with it.

Damn that'd be one cute baby boy.

"Oh my God Al, that's amazing!" Jasper exclaimed excitedly. I knew if he had been here this would be one of those sweep her into his arms moment. I wished they could have been together when the news was shared.

I was texting Rose, trying to give the two of them privacy while they conversed excitedly. It was fun to hear them planning names and nurseries and where they were going to take him. It was going to be awesome to watch the two of them become first time parents, I was excited.

Finally, Jasper remembered that I was still there and he said goodbye to his glowing girlfriend. I was anxious to talk to Edward so I jumped up when I heard them exchanging goodbyes. Then Jasper left the screen and Alice slowly unfolded herself and got off of the bed. I told her she could stay if she wanted; it was her bedroom. But still enjoying her newfound freedom due to the cast coming off, she winked and slipped out of the door.

I smiled brightly as Edward slipped into the view of the scream. He grinned crookedly at me while getting situated cross legged. He had just woken up and showered, so he was looking fresh and fine with his uniform already on.

We exchanged the normal greetings. I was always so smiley when I got a chance to see Edward. It made my entire week brighter. It was the next best thing than him actually being here.

A few minutes into our conversation I brought up that Alice was having a baby boy. Edward grinned, amused. "Yeah I just heard. Well…everyone on base heard. Jasper made a loud announcement consisting of 'I'm going to have a son! I'm going be a dad!'" he chuckled, shaking his head.

I grinned, sharing my happiness for them with him. With Alice being pregnant and Jasper talking about her all the time, I think both of us had been thinking about our future more than normal. No matter how it all worked out, in the long run, I was sure I would marry Edward and have kids with him. This wasn't going to be a relationship that falls apart. We were going to last. And when we finally had kids, years from now mind you, Edward would be just an amazing father.

We shared a knowing look, each of us thinking that someday that was going to be us.

*"So, do you know a Mark?" I asked casually, trying to sound neutral and not give anything away.

Edward didn't seem to think anything of my question. He shrugged, "Yeah probably. Why?"

"Well. I'm pretty sure one is stalking me," I kept my casual tone. Edward rolled his eyes. I blinked at him. Then he realized I really wasn't kidding. He leaned forward, at my full attention.

"What do you mean?" he asked seriously, protectiveness lacing his tone.

So I told him about the appointment and the man I had talked to in the waiting room. I made sure to stress that he somehow knew my last name and he knew that I had been hanging around with Elliot since Edward had left. When I finished expressing my concern Edward pursed his lips and remained silent.

I waited for him to say something, having already talked myself out from the details. I had waited for months to ask more about what had happened back in Ohio. I had thought of tons of different scenarios and I was still waiting for answers. And today, I felt like I would finally get them.

Finally Edward sighed. He rubbed his face in his hands, and suddenly he didn't look bright eyed and bushy tailed. He looked really tired. When he looked back up at me, his green eyes were no longer shining. They were not even focusing on me. They were checked out, remembering other times. "I never thought my past would catch up with me like this. You have to know that. I didn't want you to be in this situation."

"I believe you," I told him sincerely.

Edward went on without acknowledging me, his eyes still hazy. "My dad was such a bastard. My mom was the nicest woman in the world. And my childhood, it kinda sucked. I didn't really know what I know now, but yet, I got the sum of it. It's a miracle I didn't turn out like them."

I was thoroughly confused. And I wanted to understand God dammit…"Edward you're not making any sense."

He blinked; his eyes suddenly back in the present and focusing solely on me, his gaze burning. "Bella, my dad was the one who got my mom killed. He was a fucking mafia king."

* * *

_I can't watch you choose._  
_To pour salt in your wounds._  
_Now all I know to do._  
_Is say a prayer for you._

_Please don't be ashamed whether you win or lose._  
_I just want you to know that I'm proud of you._  
_Don't be afraid when your fight is through._  
_I just need you to know that I'm here with you._  
Proud of You, 10 Years

* * *

-Ba Dum Chink.  
-Mafia king? As I read it back it sounds a little dramatic...oh well. You'll get all the details FINALLY reveled next chapter. (With a cliffie I promise you'll all hate;)  
-Alice's is having a boy! Name guesses? Oh, and I have really no clue how military operations work, as I'm guessing many of you don't. So for the stuff I got wrong (which I know is pa-lenty) I'm sorry.  
-U.S. Open anyone? Rory McIlory kicked absolute ass. He's the definition of kicked ass from this point on. Anyone make Brenner proud and watch? (And yes, I am aware I need more of a life...)  
-As always, thank you for your kind, encouraging reviews!


	36. Chapter 36

This chapter is all mafia stuff, btw.

* * *

Some people might have thought that Edward was joking when he told me that his father had been a mafia king and the fault of his mother's death. But I knew, looking into his depthless green eyes that he was utterly serious. Edward would never joke about something like his mother's death.

I frowned and inhaled slowly, watching Edward carefully. His eyes were staring at me, setting me on fire. "I'm not going to say anything. Just tell me what you can."

Edward nodded, and though he didn't show much relief due to my statement, I could see the dent between his eyebrows smoothing out just the slightest. I could be a difficult person to have a conversation with at times. He knew that. But I hoped he knew that I would never joke or make sarcastic comments about something so important.

"My mom was 16 when she got caught up with my dad. My dad was thirty fucking two at the time. Apparently he had never heard of the divide by two and add eight rule…" Edward's voice rang with absolute disgust and hatred, "anyway. Her parents sucked. She was looking for a way out. And my dad was that way out for her.

"I don't know what exactly happened that made her go to him. The motherfucker probably swept her off her feet or some shit. Mafia men are the master of lies. Needless to say, I was conceived shortly after. Well, the man had the heir to his fat ass fortune and he was good. He kept her around and then I was finally born and things went way down hill for my mom."

I pursed my lips together and continued to gaze at this man in front of me. But he wasn't in front of me, he was 8000 miles away. There was so much more to him than what met the eye. He'd barely begun his story and I already knew that Edward definitely did not have the childhood I did. His voice was bitter when he mentioned his father even in passing, it was with absolute loathing. I almost didn't want to know why he hated him so much. Almost.

But keeping true to my promise of not interrupting I kept my lips tightly shut and continued to listen. Edward trusted me. I was so not going to be a bitch. I wasn't going lie and start speaking when he was talking about something that made him the way he is today.

Edward continued with his tale, not meeting my eyes, instead his eyes far off in some land of deep thought. "He forced her to move into his huge ass penthouse apartment. But did she get a nice room with decent furnishings? No way in hell. She got to share the room with the washer and drier. He put a single fucking mattress on the floor like she was a dog. And that's where I grew up too. In a small laundry room that was fucking freezing in the winter.

"I rarely saw my father… mostly because I was rarely allowed to leave the room. For the first five years of my life I grew to fear the man because my mother did. The only times I saw him before second grade that I can remember were when he was dragging my mom out of the room and she would go fearfully and silently. I would sit alone on the one mattress and listen to what was happening in the other room. I didn't want what was going on, but I knew my mom was in pain because she always cried after he fucked her."

My heart broke as the scene played through my mind. I could imagine a beautiful young woman, not older than Alice, reading a book to her stunning little boy, giggling with him. And then this horrendous man would come into the cold room and drag the woman off the mattress making the little boy stumble off her lap.

I could see a child with bronze wild hair and wide innocent eyes afraid and alone, wondering where his mother was. Tears stuck my eyes when I thought of a five year old Edward curled up in a corner, shaking with fear of what was being done to his mother. His world. A more heart breaking thought had never entered my mind before. No one loved the precious child other than his mother. He had no one.

Edward kept speaking, totally spaced out and not seeing my reaction to his story. "When I turned 10 was the first time I started to see my dad. He scared me. My mom would yell at him to leave me alone but he would threaten her, promising that he had been far too kind to her and many other men wanted their turn. I had no fucking clue what that meant. But now I could fucking kill him for saying that to a woman who had done nothing but love me.

"My dad told me everything about what he did for a living. I can't remember it now, but I know it was a bunch of shit about him helping the greater good of humanity," he snorted disgustedly, "he told me that one day, all the men in suits would be under my command. I would be like Bill Clinton, he promised me. Everyone would listen to me and respect me one day when he was gone… even my godfather, the guy who looks like he had a nose job who tried to kill me in October, Aaron."

"This continued for three years. He explained to me everything about the mafia. I mean literally, he filled my head with so much shit it's disgusting. He promised me that when I turned 13 I could join them. I could be his apprentice. By 12 I realized I didn't give a fuck about him. My mom had been watching those three years in silent torment and the evening before my 13th birthday we left. We fucking escaped. I was so damn proud of her.

"We moved to a small city that wasn't too small that everyone knew everyone's business but a decent size where we could blend in. I didn't really like any of my friends or my life inChicagoso I was fine with it. My mom got a job waiting tables and we moved into an apartment with the money that she had taken from my dad over the years, waiting for the right time to get away. The next three years were the best ever. Not counting the ones I met you. Our life was awesome. It was quiet granted, but I started to feel normal and forget about my dad. I joined the football team, started playing baseball. I got A's because my mom supported me so much when it came to education. She hadn't finished high school and I sure as hell was going to.

"But one day my dad's people finally caught up with us. I think he may have not been trying too hard too find us because of his twisted soft spot for my mom and he probably hoped I would come back. But his patience wore thin and he sent his men after us. They shot my mom. One to the heart, two to the head. That day they didn't just kill one person, they destroyed my life. It came crashing down around me and I didn't fucking care, I was too numb too care. If they were going to fucking shoot me then I didn't give a fuck."

My mouth fell open in shock. I stared at him, comprehending that everything he was saying was true and probably not with exaggeration. I loved my parents immensely, and when they died I did go into a depression. But not once did I ever think that I didn't want to live. I couldn't imagine in being in so much pain that you don't even care if you live or not. Edward's words were slowly but surely sending me towards tears.

Edward loved so deeply. He put all of his love and adoration into his mother, loving her selflessly and endlessly. He didn't think about what could happen if he lost this person which ultimately would have spared him pain. It never occurred to him to protect himself, which made her horrible death even worse.

That was the problem these days. People didn't love nearly as deeply as they could, because they were afraid of getting harmed or heart broken. As Edward spoke about his mother, it sent a strange sense of assurance through me. I knew Edward had no restraints with his love, however dumb that concept was, and I knew that he loved me with every fiber of his being, with everything he was capable of.

I wanted to say something, tell him I loved him. I wanted to make him stop talking. I wanted to save myself the pain. And that was the difference between me and him. Edward had passed the need to protect himself, and I was still the selfish one. Again, I already knew Edward was a far better person than I was anyway.

"I stuck around the town with that same careless attitude. I didn't care who was after me, as far as I was concerned they could all just go and fuck their selves. I finished high school for no reason other than my mom. My dad had taken away her education; I sure as hell was not going to let him steal mine as well.

"My friends drifted away and I quit all the sports I was in and became a silent shadow. I should have been taken into the state, but everyone knew I could take care of myself. So they left me alone, and I finished high school. With what money was left from what my mom had stolen, which was still a lot, I enrolled into the local state college for a year. The attack on the Twin Towers happened around the same time my mom was killed. I thought if I couldn't stop my own demons, I wanted to stop others, so I joined the army," Edward said in a closing tone.

My mind was spinning with what all Edward had just said. As it buzzed though, I watched him, waiting for something. That was the thing though. Edward wasn't really reacting. He was still sitting cross legged on his bed. But he wasn't look at the web cam; he was staring past it blankly. The whole movement he was making was his jaw, slightly moving.

I was pretty quick on my feet. You know, with a retort or answer. My teachers said I'd be a good lawyer. But I was thinking carefully about I was going to say to him. I was debating if I should say anything at all. I didn't know what to do to ease his torment. I was once again helpless.

But Edward's blank stare was scaring me. I didn't want him to retreat inside of himself with all these newfound feelings ripped open. So, I said the thing I would want to be asked, "What was her name?" I asked gingerly.

Edward's vacuous stare wavered and he blinked a few times before focusing his gave on me. He seemed startled that that is what I had to say. Under his stare I was starting to think that maybe I had said the complete wrong thing and I really was a horrible person.

"Elizabeth," he answered, still vacuous. I was worried that he was going to stay like this, but then a small yet definite smile formed on his face that did not fit with his empty eyes. "Lizzy," he corrected. And then, thank God, there was emotion in his eyes. The green orbs swirled with fondness.

With his slight smile, my own tiny one formed. I could have told him that he was a really unlucky person. Or that what happened shouldn't have happened to him. I could have told him that he shouldn't have been so frivolous with his life. Maybe I could have agreed that his dad sounded like a bastard. But none of those things seemed like they would do any good whatsoever. They would make him remember hatred and pain. I wanted him to remember the love he felt for such an amazing woman. I knew nothing about her, but I knew that if she could raise a son like Edward, she was an alright woman.

"What was she like?"

Edward's word weighed on my shoulders like an anvil all through the week. I couldn't shake his words out of my head for even the slightest of seconds. I thought so much about it one night that I actually had a dream of a woman who looked just like Edward getting shot. His story was the first thing that came to mind when I woke up in the morning and the last thing I thought about before I went to sleep.

I had asked a question because there was a man who I thought was stalking me. Instead of getting an answer, I got Edward's heart breaking story. And now I was as clueless as ever as to what was going on, though I was starting to put things together slowly. I also hated Edward's nameless dead father with a burning passion.

What kind of bastard did that to a 16 year old girl? I placed myself in Elizabeth's shoes. I thought back to my sophomore year in high school and then I imagined getting swept off my feet by someone Carlisle's age and then having a baby at 17. And then living in a small room for 13 years. There was no way in hell I'd be able to do that. But his mom was much smarter; she was able to plan an escape. I saw all of her strength and protectiveness in Edward.

I always thought that all guys were just protective. And I'm sure a great number of them were. But they were protective because they were selfish and jealous. They didn't want their girl with another guy or anything else dangerous because it would hurt them. Edward was extremely protective of me because that's what he knew. That's what he grew up with. He had someone who protected him so incredibly fiercely that he had gotten it entwined in his mind and now was carrying it out with me.

Our conversation about his mother the week before only lasted for a half hour. But I learned so much about her, and I couldn't help but smile as Edward lit up when he spoke about her. He looked like he was an eight year old boy who thought the world of his mother. I was moved by how special of a bond they had together. I was glad Edward had had that in his life.

Alice seemed to notice that I definitely had something on my mind. She declared _Smoothie_. And when I stared at her like she was on drugs, she looked at me incredulously. Evidently when someone says the word _smoothie_, the parties involved go and get…you guessed it…smoothies.

So, we went and got smoothies.

We settled into some arm chairs in the corner of the local Caribou Coffee and greedily enjoyed our freshly blended fruit smoothies. When I asked if I was allowed to get a latte, she informed me that she did not declare "latte" and she spit the name with disgust, she declared smoothie! She sure told me.

"I like the name Weston,"Alice informed me after taking a large sip from her plastic cup. I curled my feet under me and scrunched my face up at her suggestion.

"Weston Whitlock?" I questioned her, skeptical.

"And then I could through in Jasper's dad's name as the middle name," Alice wiggled her eyebrows up and down, nodding her head approvingly.

"Weston William Whitlock? Really Alice?" I shook my head disapprovingly, "the kid would kill you. And then he would turn into a druggie because his parents gave him such a ridiculous name."

Alice laughed and took another sip of the pink smoothie. I rolled my eyes and took a sip of my own. I was trying not to think about Edward or his family. Alice was doing a fairly decent job of distracting me.

"I like Rem," I suggested. I shivered from the cold drink making its way through my body and thoroughly chilling me. I was _so_ declaring latte next time.

Alice ignored my enthusiasm and shook her head, totally uninterested. "Eh, no."

"What's wrong with that name?" One name into the suggestions and already I could tell that this was going to be difficult.

"That's like a gun's name," her nose wrinkled in distaste.

Beside the point.

"You're like a gun's name," I retorted with snobbishly. She rolled her eyes.

"I like Justin," I tried after another sip of the smoothie.

"Yeah, but that doesn't have any way or shortening it."

I begged to differ. "Um no. What about Justy?"

Alice raised an incredulous eyebrow at me, silently staring at me for a long time to convey how much I annoyed her. Then finally, just as I was starting to giggle she spoke, "That is _the most_ ridiculous excuse of a name. No."

Not fazed, I continued my quest to select the perfect name. "How about Jodi? I like Jodi!"

"You know,"Alice replied, shaking her head, about to blatantly start lying, "on second thought, we already have a name picked out. So I won't need your help, at all."

Fair enough.

Even though I was apparently no help, Alice and I still had a good time getting out of the house. The baby was starting to kick and it was awesome. Everything about her pregnancy was awesome. Other than the whole pee every five minutes thing…

Alice managed to distract me for a couple hours but when we got home I took a bubble bath, wanting time to think. It's weird, I had been thinking for days. But I just could not wrap my mind around how big of a picture Edward's life was apart of. I was trying to grasp what everything he said meant about our future and our lives right now. I had nothing.

If the mafia shot his mom and he thought they were after him, then what changed? Edward made it sound like things were still the same. And that thought made me frozen in fear. People were trying to kill Edward. They were trying to take his life and by doing so, mine.

The thought was so completely horrendous that I immediately had to shove it out of my mind. And when it threatened to come crawling back, I thought of something else…anything… I thought of my new puppy, Sarge. It literally made me shake and my stomach clench from fear.

I decided to call it a night. Sleep was the only escape from my thoughts swallowing me. I had a massive head ache, so I took some drowsy over the counter medicine that completely knocked me out into a much desired slumber.

I woke up in the middle of the night to the familiar shrill of my cell phone. With a loud groan at the interruption of my sleep I buried my face in my pillow. I blindly groped my bedside table for my cell phone. I wasn't going to ignore it because it could have been Edward.

I turned my face from the pillow so I could hold the phone to my ear. I hummed and blinked, my eyes seeing nothing except the bright cell phone. I flipped it open and yawned before answering a groggy, "Hi," to whoever it was.

"Bella. It's Emmett," Emmett said in to the receiver. I blinked a few more times, not awake enough to sense the urgency in his voice.

"What's," another ripping yawn, "up?" I asked. I laid face up on the pillow, closing my eyes again, disappointed that it wasn't Edward. He was the only one I allowed to disrupt my sleep.

"Edward's been shot."

* * *

_And you can hear my distant calls_  
_The voice of who I used to be_  
_Screaming out "someone, someone please"_  
_Please shine a light into the black_  
_Wade through the depths and bring me back_

_I need you, I need you here_  
_I need you now, I need security somehow_  
_I need you, like you would not believe_  
_You're the only thing I want_  
_Cause you're everything I need_

_When my hopes seem to dangle_  
_Somewhere just beyond my reach_  
_You say you've heard my prayers_  
_And read my words there on the beach_  
I Need You, Relient K

* * *

-...told you that you would hate it...  
-Had this been legit, Emmett would be in deep shit, I'm taking a few liberties here, just, btw.  
-I've been nominated for Fic of the Week over at The Lemonade Stand, tehlemonadestand . blogspot . com/ Head over there and vote for SSM!  
-I hope all of you American's have an amazing 4th of July! This is my favorite time of the year, and I hope you all enjoy it! (I'll be having a Battle of the Tubes with my cousins myself...wish me luck!)


	37. Chapter 37

This chapter was weird and difficult for me to write. Sorry if it shows.

* * *

_"Edward's been shot."_

To hear those three words come out from Emmett's mouth made it feel like I had just taken a bullet myself. All grogginess that had been in my system from just being woken up, immediately dissolved. My body alerted to the alarm in my mind and was fully awake in seconds. I jolted up into a sitting position and cradled the phone flush against my ear.

"What?" I cried, refusing to believe the words.

My mind went into hyper drive as my world threatened to come crashing down around me. There was no way that Edward had gotten shot. No. It just wasn't possible. I hadn't allowed my thoughts to travel down that path previously, but I knew this was my worst nightmare.

I almost started to cry, without even having Emmett say more. Edward could not be hurt. There was no way that I could live through another loss of someone who I loved so deeply. Edward promised that he'd come back. He swore to me that he would not leave me.

Suddenly all of my plans for the future were in jeopardy. Edward was going to come home in June. He would be done; never going back. And then we'd figure something else out. I would go to college and he would do whatever the hell his heart desired, but we would be together. And then someday in the distant future we'd get married and we'd have an amazing life together.

But Emmett's three words sent my world spinning. All of the sudden I wasn't sure that was going to happen. I wasn't sure what was going to happen to Edward. I didn't know anything. That night was the first time I had ever allowed myself to put death and Edward in the same thought. It was fleeting moment, but I knew that it could be a very real reality.

This wasn't supposed to happen to me. I was not supposed to be the army girlfriend who lost her boyfriend without ever being able to call him my husband. My Edward was never going to be the one that got hurt. There were thousand's of soldiers in Iraq and mine was the one whose life was in danger, or already past that stage.

Tears started to flow out of my eyes as the possibilities flew into my mind. If anything bad happened to Edward it would shatter me, and he knew that. _God dammit!_ he promised he'd be safe.

I tried to remember what our last conversation had been. Not on the phone or web cam; those weren't really talks. I couldn't remember the last thing I said to him. Or if I told him I loved him. I panicked as these thoughts began to plague my mind, freaking me out that I wouldn't be able to remember.

"Emmett!" I repeated, on the edge of hysteria, "What happened to Edward? Is he okay?"

Oh my God.

My knees came up to my chest, tangling with the blankets as tears streamed down my face. I had to absolutely stop thinking of the worst case scenario. I needed to know if the man I loved was really hurt.

Emmett had to have heard my distress. His breath was labored as he spoke into the receiver, "I don't know Bella. I will call you as soon as I know," he promised, speaking softly. He was probably trying to assure me that things would be okay. But there was even uncertainty in his voice, "Alright?"

I nodded and snapped the phone shut. It didn't occur to me that Emmett couldn't actually see my nod. I fell into my bed and buried my face in my pillow just in time to muffle my sobs.

Normally I was not the girl who cried over everything. I never cried much until Edward came into my life. And if someone would have told me I would be in this situation, I would have planned a much different reaction then how I was handling it currently.

But I didn't fucking know.

I didn't know where Edward was, or what was going on, I just knew that he was hurt. After thinking about nothing other than his painful past for the last week, this was very intense for me. How many times can one man hurt before he is completely broken?

The next hour was the worst of my life. There's no other way to describe it. I could elaborate on my pain, anxiety and fear, but to do that would mean that it was bearable enough to actually put into words. These feelings were the most intense feelings I had ever experienced. And I wouldn't wish them on the people I hate most in the world.

It's really a miracle that I managed not to wake up the entire house. I took great care to muffle my sobs as best as I could. I knew they would come into my room and each and every one of them would tell me that it was going to be alright. And I knew -however hysteric I may have been at the time- that I would end up lashing out on them. I didn't want to do that.

Minutes before my phone rang I did something I haven't done in years. I prayed. Christian's are supposed to pray; we're supposed to trust in God. But my faith was damaged after my parents died. I went to church, but I knew that my heart and soul really weren't in it.

But now with this awful sense of helplessness, praying seemed like the only thing I could do. I wasn't saying any actual prayers that I had been taught. Instead, God and I were just having little conversation. I begged to let Edward be alright.

When my cell phone rang I was exhausted. I still whipped out to grab it as fast as I could. But I was drained. I knew I wasn't going to be able to make it through anything other than Edward having a minor scratch.

"Bella?" the anxious voice asked, much calmer than the previous phone call.

"Edward?" I let out a shaky breath of relief as I heard his voice. The tears began streaming slowly down my cheeks. I was so elated that I was actually crying. I had never been that relieved in my entire life.

I still didn't know anything. I just knew that he was talking which meant he was well enough to use a phone. That was all I needed to hear for the time being.

"I thought-" the words got choked in my throat, I took another broken breath, "I thought, you, you were…" I couldn't finish the thought, so horrified.

Edward no doubt heard my distress. I heard him exhale, frustrated, "I know baby. I know. I'm so fucking sorry," he assured me tenderly, "I'm fine; just a little nick in the shoulder. It's nothing to worry about."

I let my shoulders fall as I registered his words and accepted them with relief. I closed my eyes, thanking God. I fell back on to my pillows and wiped the tears away from my swollen eyes.

I imagined Edward lying on a bed in some building that was hardly up to standard with a hole in his shoulder. He had Emmett and Jasper sure, but he needed more. It broke my heart that he was 8000 miles away from me and in pain, alone.

"Edward," I exhaled, still freaked out. I wanted to tell him how thoroughly scared shitless I had been. But he hushed me.

"I know, I'm so sorry. Emmett shouldn't have called you. This isn't anything for you to worry about," he promised me.

My head turned to the side in confusion. "You just got shot. Of course that's something for me to worry about," I protested.

Edward sighed regretfully, "But it was unnecessary worry. You didn't need to know. By the sound of it, it only caused you pain. I'm sorry."

My puffy eyes narrowed in confusion as I stared up at the ceiling. Even though I was so glad to be talking to him, I found myself…growing…annoyed. "So, you weren't planning to tell me that you took a bullet?" I clarified.

"Well, I mean you would have seen the scar eventually, but I didn't want to when I wasn't there in person," he explained, like he had been thinking the most logical thing in the world.

I gave him one last shot, giving him a warning of what was about to go down. "Okay. Correct me if I'm wrong. You just got shot. But. You weren't going to tell me?"

"Well, I guess that would be an accurate summary of what we are currently discussing…" he agreed, still not getting it. That's my clueless Edward. Clearly he wasn't lying about being okay.

"Edward," I said slowly, trying not to freak out. "You know I love you, right?"

He was confused. "Um, yeah, I know that," then he added with a chuckle, "I love you too."

I was figuring out the best way to approach this. The man may have just taken a bullet but we were still going to be having words. "Since you love me, would it be up on your priority list to know I had just been, say, mugged and beat up?"

Edward seemed to have caught onto my masked irritation, but he was clearly hesitant to acknowledge that. "Yeah. Of course. You know that."

"But, because I'm the girl, I don't need to know that my big badass invincible boyfriend got shot? Because I can't handle it?"

"Hold up Bella, you're putting sexist remarks in my mouth. I never said that," he argued. I silently groaned.

"By not telling me, that's exactly what your actions said! I never called you a sexist. But don't you dare put those kind of double standards on me," I lectured, growing angrier the more I spoke.

_Really?_ How did he think I would have taken the news if he told me when he came for prom?

What exactly would he have said? _Oh yeah snicker doddle, that scar right there? Don't worry; it was just from a bullet a few months back. Let's go find the mafia trying to kill me now! Sorry it took months for me to tell you about them too_…

"I'm sorry I pissed you off, but I don't know why you're mad at me for trying not to freak you out."

I fought the urge to let out a string of profanities. "I'm mad at you first of all because you weren't going to tell me. But secondly, I'm mad at you for having such a dumbass plan in the first place. If you didn't want to freak me out then don't have Emmett calling me at four in the morning!"

"I was slightly incapacitated at the time!" he exclaimed, defending himself.

I went silent. That was an excellent point. I had to give him that. But I was too stubborn to admit that. So instead, I ignored the remark, and refrained from making a retort. I waited for him to say something, knowing neither of us liked silence.

"I'm going to kill Emmett," Edward muttered, probably not for my benefit.

I wasn't going to explode at him or anything. I was just going to use as much sarcasm I could possibly deal up. "So, was it Emmett's fault that I found out that men are trying to murder you too? Because you sure took your time on that too." I asked, staying deadly calm.

This probably wasn't fair to be having a conversation like this in the current circumstances. He had just gotten shot and I had been awake for the past hour convinced he was dead. I was an emotional wreck and I assumed he was on _some_ type of pain killers. But I knew that wasn't what was affecting his judgment.

"I wasn't sure the best way to tell you. They could hurt you too Bella."

"If you're going to bleed, so am I."

Edward's voice was making it almost impossible for me to stay aggravated at him. I knew he thought that what he was saying made perfect sense. "That's what I was worried about. I don't want to see you in pain."

I stayed silent for a moment, and the finally I asked quietly, "So you hide yours from me?"

"I just wanted to keep you safe," he protested softly, making it easier for me to want to knock him upside the head again.

I exhaled, frustrated but trying not to raise my voice. "This whole knight in shining armor/martyr shit has gotta stop. I know that you are a strong man in every sense of the word. I love you because you've always treated me as an equal. But all this crap about trying to protect me is getting old real fast. I'm a big girl, and if I didn't want to deal with your shit then I wouldn't be with you. Simple as that," I ended, getting more worked up.

Strangely, the silence I was receiving from the other end of the telephone didn't make me regret what I had just said. I had been feeling like this for awhile now. This was an awful time to voice it, and I knew that. But I was seriously fed up with it.

Finally Edward spoke, his voice tired and chastised. "We both need to rest baby."

I frowned. I wasn't done. "But-"

Edward cut me off softly. I was almost surprised there was no irritation in his voice, "You made your point snicker doddle. And I'll think about what you said. I'm sorry, okay?"

Damn…why wasn't I able to stay mad at him for more than eight seconds? "I'm sorry too," I sighed, the annoyance subsiding.

And I was sorry. I was sorry that I was a bad girlfriend and decided that my feelings were more important than Edward. I could make excuses and chalk it up to horrible PMS –which wasn't really a lie- but I didn't want to. I realized I shouldn't have been arguing, and I knew I would regret it. I was already starting to regret it.

But I was only regretting my timing. It was a shitty time to bring up what I had been feeling. I was not going to regret telling him to stop protecting me. I _refused_ adamantly to be that damsel in distress. But I wasn't going for the headstrong, total bitch approach either. I was just so fucking glad that I could still argue with him.

"_Ana behibeck_," Edward said softly, a foreign language rolling off his tongue beautifully. My eyebrows furrowed. That was _not_ Spanish.

"What language is that?" I asked curiously, momentarily distracted by his sweetness.

"Arabic," he answered and I could hear a grin in his voice. I was smart enough to know that most of Iraq spoke Arabic. I smiled, impressed.

"What does that mean?"

"I love you."

o0o

Edward recovered from his injury and was well enough to be back in duty in a little over a week and a half. I didn't believe that his injury hadn't been severe until I saw him on the webcam walking around and using his right arm with little difficulty.

Since Edward had nothing to really to do except recover, and I was an excellent procrastinator, we were able to talk for those 10 days often. Out of all bad things comes something good. That's what Edward said at one point. Actually his exact words were, "I'd take a thousand bullets just to hear your voice."

Eventually he told me about the actual incident. I learned from Alice that it was very weird that Edward had been hurt by a gun, not unheard of though. I knew the Iraqi people were far less hostile than they had been when we first invaded, and aside from a few resistant's who set off roadside bombs, not many people were harmed anymore.

Edward had told me that he and Jasper were just leaving a school when he got shot in broad daylight. Best guess was that it was fired by someone through a window who then fled. But the strange thing was that only one shot was fired. Jasper thought the gunman had to have been experienced because he seemed to have been going for the neck, knowing where the bullet proof vest ended. Instead he went to the right and hit his shoulder, thankfully his right shoulder.

Apparently Edward didn't see anyone from a window, and Jasper had been too busy shielding a child that had followed them out. He said it hurt like hell, but it wasn't as awful as he had imagined.

So there was that.

Jasper had told Alice that Edward had been shot and she assured me that they had amazing medics serving overseas and that'd he be fine. Esme freaked out more than I did, even after I told her that he was going to fine. And when Carlisle found out, he asked me why I hadn't woken anyone up to stay up with me, they all would have been happy to. Rose heard from Emmett and than she freaked out more than Esme. She was convinced that Emmett was most certainly next.

I was distracted the entire week of school, which really was unfortunate because I failed like three tests. The teacher's all asked me if I was having a problem with the material. I just told them that I was having an off week. Brenner was teaching one of my classes for the week switching with my regular teacher so she could help his 9th graders prep for testing. It was my last class of the day and I was anxious to get home and see if I could talk to Edward.

All the other students were out of the door the second the bell had rung. I on the other hand would be driving on ice with a bunch of other crazy people, so I took my time shoving my textbook into my bag.

"Off week huh?" Brenner asked, settling into the desk and clicking some things on his laptop. I perched on a desk in the front of the room. Evidently I was _that_ student; the one whom all the teachers talked about in the staff room. He looked up from the screen with raised eyebrows.

Brenner was my favorite teacher in the school, and he was a great golf coach. He was probably the only person who I'd actually want to talk to. He was fun and easy going, and I needed to complain to someone who wasn't my family.

"Edward got shot," I sighed. This wasn't general news. He smirked and chuckled, continuing to look at his screen. I raised an eyebrow. Than he realized I was surprisingly not being sarcastic and his eyebrows raised high. He looked almost alarmed, and definitely concerned.

Brenner opened his mouth. And then he shut it. And then it opened one more time before he shut it and tilted his head to the side, giving me a look.

"He'll be okay."

Brenner's eyebrows went down and he nodded. Then he said the only thing I really wanted someone to say to me, just once this past week. "That sucks," he nodded. And I knew that he meant it.

"Oh yeah," I agreed, frowning. This was one of those rare times Brenner was actually being serious.

"Hey, I could talk to Kelly about retaking the test. Who else to do you have? Chris, Holly? You know they'd understand your situation," he offered, listing the rest of my teachers whose tests I failed.

I gave him a small smile. It was only English and Math. Ph. Who needed those?

I shook my head, knowing that they would all let me retake the tests. "No, it was my fault. I could have studied but I didn't. I have to get better at managing this." Especially if Edward stays in the army…I didn't say it, because I didn't even want to think it.

Brenner nodded, not questioning my choice. "When's he coming home?" He was back to looking down at his computer again.

"June 18th," I answered automatically.

"Hang in there kid," he nodded at me. I nodded and gave him a smile before standing up and slinging my back pack over my shoulder.

Yeah Brenner, I silently agreed as I walked out, it really sucks.

o0o

A few days later it was like nothing had ever happened. I still remembered of course. And now that he had actually gotten hurt, it loaded my worry even heavier. But I was learning how to deal with it. I just had to stay distracted, like I had when he left. So I started going to the Sky Dome, since there was still snow. I hit balls for up to two hours each day, just to keep busy. That and I planned on dominating at state this year.

I got home early one day after a trip to the dome. Alice had sent me a text telling me to get home. I assumed it was because she needed to figure out what color of blue she was going to paint the nursery.

But when I got home, Alice wasn't waiting at the door with samples of paint. Concerned, I started to call out her name, wondering where in the house she was. I heard a holler in response. I kicked off my shoes and ran upstairs to the room and bathroom she had. I knocked on the bathroom door.

When all I heard was silence I slowly pushed open the handle. I was about to close the door again when I saw that Alice was on the toilet. But then I saw her face. She looked downright terrified.

"Alice?" I asked tentatively. She looked slowly over at me and blinked, eyes wide. Instead of saying anything, she brought her hand up. Confused I looked over to what she was holding. In her hand was a wad of toilet paper that was heavily stained with dark red blood. My own eyes widened.

I may not have been Carlisle, but I was almost positive that it was not good to be bleeding that heavily when you were pregnant.

"We're going to the hospital," I said immediately.

* * *

_Waking up without you, it doesn't feel right _  
_To sleep with only memories, it's harder every night _  
_Sometimes I think I can feel you breathing on my neck _

_Tonight I'm reaching out to the stars _  
_It doesn't matter where you are _  
_I'll hold you again _

_I wish I could hear your voice _  
_And don't leave me alone in this bed _  
_I wish I could touch you once more _  
_And don't leave me alone in this bed _  
_Not tonight, not tomorrow _

_Living in these pictures, it never comes with ease _  
_I swear that if I could make this right _  
_You'd be back by now_  
Alone in this Bed, Framing Hanley

* * *

-Sorry it's been so long for an update. And I'm sorry to have left you with such a cliff hanger, but as you all know, life happens.  
-Disclaimer: No, Emmett wouldn't have been able to call her. They would have had a blackout. We're just going with fictional use here.  
-My Harry Potter Deathly Hallows viewing count is up to 3. Yours?  
-Next chapter will be entirely in Jasper's perspective.


	38. Chapter 38

With a heavy yawn I glanced down at my watch. 7:59. Damn.

Looking at my other guys in the squad, I gave them a stiff nod before glancing down at the watch again. A painfully slow moment drug by before our shift was over.

"Good work guys," I patted a couple of them on the back as we made our way across camp.

Chris, one my guys continued to walk with me to the chow hall for some much needed breakfast. "How's Alice doing, Sarge?"

I fought down the immensity of my grin to just a smile. It felt really fucking good being able to be associated with her. It hurt like hell that she wasn't still here, but she was safe in the states. Pregnant. With my kid.

My kid.

That had taken a long time to get used to at the beginning. I was going to be a father. Some small child would look up to me for support and love their entire life. I would be it.

Poor kid.

I had no idea what kind of parent I would be. I hoped I wouldn't screw the kid up too bad. It wouldn't be too bad if Alice was the mother though.

Alice. I wanted to smile larger. Every time I thought about her I knew that she was the best thing that had ever happened to me, and we were starting a family with a new baby boy.

A boy.

Visions of blue and baseballs flew through my mind every time I allowed myself to think about it. I had a son on the other side of the world, his arrival approaching in a matter of weeks.

That particular thought scared the shit out of me. It killed me that I was going to miss the birth of my first kid. I had been trying for months to get leave for the time, but with it being so close to the end of deployment, it just would not work. Alice was just as disappointed about it.

"She's 32 weeks today," I reported. Chris, a young kid, about 20 grinned.

"They get scary those last two months. My mom had my sister a couple years back. . .lemme tell you Sarge, it was not pretty," he chuckled and shook is head.

"I'll just be thankful I'm not there then," I joked back, nodding and saying goodbye as we parted ways, having arrived at the hall.

What complete bullshit.

First of all, I didn't think it was possible for Alice to scare me.

Second, I'd give anything to be able to be there for her right now. I would trade anything just to feel the swell of her belly, to feel my son kick against her. I allowed myself to fantasize about that some nights.

I wished more than the hell that I could be there for her. God knows Bella helped more than she should have had to after that fucking grenade.

I couldn't do anything. When I saw the commotion from Edward's squad and saw Alice being dragged out of a burning building, unconscious…my heart felt like it had stopped. It took every ounce of restraint and probably God's intervention to keep me from running over and taking her in my arms.

The entire time she was under the medic's care, I had to rely almost completely on Edward for information. I couldn't be a good fucking boyfriend and go into the building and sit by her side until she woke up, and hold her, protecting her from any harm.

And then, instead of taking care of her with her broken leg and arm, all I did was send her on the plane away from me to go live with the Cullen's who could do what I couldn't; care for her.

Saying goodbye to her and been the hardest thing I had ever done in my life. I'd always felt bad for Emmett and Edward, having to say goodbye to their girlfriends when mine got to come back to Iraq with me. They hadn't been kidding. Watching her go had fucking hurt.

When she found out she was pregnant, she and Bella had emailed Edward and me, telling us to call whenever we could a total of 20 times. We were pretty panicked to say the least.

I thought back to that interesting conversation that had turned my world around.

_"Alice?" I demanded, not even saying hello._

_I heard her exhale shakily. "Hi hun."_

_"Are you alright?" I stepped away from Edward who was asking Bella the same thing on his phone a few feet away._

_"Well…yeah…" she trailed off hesitantly._

_"What does that mean?" I wasn't foolish enough to be relieved at her statement just yet._

_"Umm, I…it's. I'm fine," she assured me._

_"Ali," I said softly, missing the hell out of her by just saying it, "What's wrong?"_

_I listened to her exhale quietly, waiting for an answer patiently. "The word "wrong" is open to interpretation..." _

_I let out a quiet, half hearted groan. "You've clearly been spending too much time with Bella." My sweet, little soldier had turned into a smart alec._

_She laughed nervously. "Yeah...I'm thinking that's the least of our worries right now."_

_"Please stop being cryptic," I requested, more or less asking for an answer to the unspoken question again. _

_"Do you remember that time…umm…in the umm… tank awhile ago?" she ventured timidly. My Alice was not timid. I knew that because I did remember that time. In vivid…wonderful detail._

_I hummed, "Oh yeah."_

_I waited for her to continued, thinking this could lead to something nice for me. It didn't. She stayed silent on the other line._

_"Ali-" I started to say but I was interrupted as Alice spoke at the same time._

_"I'm pregnant, Jasper." _

_I froze. My thoughts froze. _

_I remained silent for an immeasurable amount of time._

_"Oh for the love, it's yours Jasper," Alice snapped irritably after about three minutes. Now that was my Alice._

_I blinked and swallowed, finally finding words. "When you say _pregnant_-"_

_"With a baby. And yes, I'm sure. And before you ask, I'm completely sure."_

_"A baby as in ten toes? Ten figures? Two eyes?" I sounded like an idiot. A huge idiot. _

_"Well…I'm not entirely sure about the two eyes thing…since it is _your_ child," she joked. I had got enough of my senses back to roll my eyes. _

_"Well. Okay," I finally managed trying to stay calm._

_She waited._

_"We're having a baby!" I tried for enthusiastic. It came out anxious and really fucking scared, but I'm pretty sure there was a little bit of enthusiasm in there._

_"Jasper?" Alice asked, obviously confused._

_Clearly there hadn't been enthusiasm._

_"Okay! A baby. A little human being. Okay; I can do this. It's like raising a puppy. And you like puppies. Yes you do. Oh damn. What if it's a boy? Ah shit. What it's a girl? Oh jeez. I am not talking to her about sex. She won't be having sex! Hell, she won't even know what sex is! …but what if she does?"_

_"Jas…?" Alice asked, concerned._

_"If she does, you know what, it's all good. Well it's not _good_, but we can figure it out. Make a convent sound really fun! Tell her that nuns are cool. But then…I won't get grandkids. Do I want grandkids? I don't know…I don't know what kind of a grandfather I would be! What happens if I take them fishing, and they don't like fishing? What if I'm not a good grandpa? What-"_

_"Jasper!" Alice practically shouted over the phone. I blinked and then shook my head briefly…how the hell did I go from puppies to a grandpa?_

_"Yeah, I'm good!" I assured her, trying to grasp the concept of a baby. A tiny human. A combination of Alice and I. The thought actually didn't sound that bad._

_"Do you want a do over?" Alice asked lovingly._

_"What?" Still trying to grasp the baby thing. I took a deep calming breath and allowed myself to hear her words._

_"Jasper," Alice said softly, though I could hear the smile, "I'm pregnant."_

_I let out a breath and then smiled, "That's wonderful, darling. You can't imagine how happy I am." And I was._

Edward had heard from Bella the news, but Emmett was clueless. So when he came wandering in to find me pacing the room and Edward sitting back and smirking at me, I had to explain it to him.

"I'm having a baby," I blurted out to him. He blanched back, surprised before he grinned, realizing I was serious.

"Dude! What the hell? Congratulations!" And then he pulled me into a crushing yet still passing as a masculine hug.

Well if Emmett was enthusiastic.

It took about two hours of pep talking on their part before I allowed myself to grow actually excited.

Of course I would hardly say their pep talking, really helped.

"Come on man! A baby! It'll be fun! It'll be an adventure!" Emmett.

"You could name it after me!" Thanks Edward.

"You'll have an excuse to go to the zoo without feeling weird!" Emmett optimistically boomed. I had to agree; definite plus.

"If it's a girl you can threaten her prom date with a shot gun!" Very good point Edward.

"Dude; the zoo."

When Alice found out it was a boy and showed me the sonogram I had already gotten so hyped about the baby. But a boy. I would have a son. The thought made me want to shout to the world.

Which I did.

I got applause from the squads in the rec. room. I was the proudest dad-to-be out here. Hell, I still am.

I found Edward and Emmett, each leaving their squads for the morning and grabbing their own breakfast. We nodded at each other and grabbed a table. I saluted the lieutenant that passed by before sitting down across from them.

Edward was immersed in a letter that was definitely from Bella from the way he was grinning, while Emmett immediately began shoveling food in. I glanced up from my food as Edward set down the letter. I raised an eyebrow.

"Prom," he answered with a wrinkling of his forehead. I chuckled.

Emmett stopped eating long enough to laugh as well. "Come on man, this'll be an experience!" he slapped Edward on the back, making him roll his eyes.

"I just am not a fan of teenagers," Edward shuddered.

"That's unfortunate, since you're currently dating one," I pointed out sarcastically. Emmett snorted in agreement.

"Bella's different. Bella isn't…teenagery. She's-" Emmett interrupted him.

"She's fantastic, amazing, stunning, awesome and the wind beneath your wings. We know."

Edward glared at him before looking over at me. I held my hands up and stifled a chuckle.

"The wind beneath my wings? That saying doesn't even make fucking sense!"

Emmett rolled his eyes. "I'm sure it makes sense to some people, or no one would say it!"

"Or dumbasses like you just say it," Edward muttered under his breath as he took a swing of his orange juice.

We ate breakfast like we did everyday before going to the barracks to sleep for six hours. Our schedule changed every few weeks as far as shifts went, sometimes we had the day, but currently we had the nights. I wasn't a big fan of it. When I saw the moon, I wanted my bed. But I could roll with it. And I had to make it look easy for my guys.

Edward and I were currently sharing a room, and Emmett was about ten feet away. Edward was already crashing in his bed by the time I fell into my bed with a heavy yawn and fell into a deep peaceful sleep, dreaming about Alice and the little boy that was coming quick.

"Jas! Wake the fuck up!" I heard Edward hissing at me. I groaned and rolled over into my pillow. Normally I would be at attention, but it was Edward.

"Jasper!" And then a dusty combat boot hit the side of my head with accuracy only Edward had.

"What?" I sat up and glared over at him. I enjoyed my fucking sleep.

"It's Alice," Edward said quietly. That got my attention immediately. I whipped my head in his direction and flipped on the light switch over my bed, watching him wince at the light,

I noticed his cell phone was in his hand. We both paid a shit ton of money for our cell phone plans so our ladies could call us without having us call them on the pay phone.

"Bella just tried calling you; your phone's on silent, you dumbass. Call her back!" He urged, making me scramble around my bed for my phone…that was on the table next to my bed. I snatched it up and dialed Bella's number with lightning speed.

"Jasper," Bella breathed immediately, relieved. Though her voice was hardly relieved. It was rather tense. I watched Edward watch me, him just as anxious.

"What's going on? Is Alice hurt?" I demanded.

"I don't know," Bella said helplessly, her voice pained, "She was bleeding so we rushed her into the ER, and now they're doing tests, and she told me to call you, and I don't know what to do."

"Bleeding? Bleeding where?" I watched Edward's face grow concerned as he rose an eyebrow.

I heard Bella take a breath as my heart clenched, "She has vaginal bleeding. It's heavy," Bella whispered in fright.

"What does that mean? What's happening?" I heard how harsh my voice sounded, and saw Edward's defensiveness snap in as he also heard it.

"I don't know," she repeated, seemingly close to tears.

"God damnit! Is the baby alright?" When she didn't respond I damn near shouted, "Is my son alright?"

Edward crossed the small room in an instant and grabbed the phone out of my hand. I saw my own hand shaking. My Alice was bleeding in an emergency room, terrified and here I fucking was, across the world.

I vaguely heard Edward softly try to get answers from her. "Babe, what did Carlisle say?"

I couldn't hear a response. Before I could do anything to stop my actions, I was standing up and I kicked the closest thing I could. The small table with various books and shit went flying across the room and hit Emmett's wall with a metal thud. I pounded my fist against the wall, helpless.

Within seconds, the door was being flung open by Emmett, awoke from sleep. "What the fuck?" he asked, blinking his eyes before he took in the site of the table and objects lying around.

"Jasper," I hadn't realized Edward was standing up until he was next to me, offering the phone, "it's Carlisle."

I inhaled shakily, so shakily that I realized my body wanted to cry. I wanted to let myself. But I couldn't.

I took the phone and exhaled, a lump in my throat. "Carlisle."

"Jasper, I'm very sorry we have to have this conversation over the phone. I'm going to be blunt here though," I braced myself, for what, I didn't know exactly. "Alice has had a grade 2 placenta abruption."

Abruption?

No.

"…right now, the baby and her are being monitored intensely. If either of their heartbeats drop, they are going to have to deliver the baby."

"They can't. She's only 32 weeks!" I argued, unable to find other words. He wasn't big enough. He wasn't strong enough for the harsh world. My son.

"Premature births are not uncommon. They're both fighters, Jasper,"Carlisle's fatherly words assured me.

Alice. She was a fighter. She truly was. I knew she could get through this. I just hoped to God our son got her traits. My terror knew know no bonds. I had been wrong this morning when I was talking to Chris.

It was very possible for Alice to scare me.

She had me terrified right now.

After a moment, I remembered that Carlisle was still on the phone. But Carlisle wasn't what I needed right now. "Can I talk to her?" I begged quietly.

Before I could get a response, I heard chaos on the other line. "BP's dropping, we have to get this baby out now!"

Carlisle softly swore on the other line and seemed like he was about to say something, but I beat him to it. "Please let me talk to her," I begged desperately, completely unraveled.

"Alright,"Carlisle allowed, and I let the burden weighing on my chest grow just a little lighter.

"Jas, baby?" I heard Alice's scared voice on the other line ask. My heart felt like it had shattered.

I clutched the phone closer to my ear, as if that would make her less far away. "It's alright Ali, I'm here," I soothed her. But it wasn't fucking alright. I wasn't there. And I fucking should have been.

"The baby…" she whimpered as I heard doctors and nurses rush around her.

I swallowed the lump that was growing bigger. I wish I knew what to say. Before I could find words, I heard Alice cry out in pain. I clenched the phone tighter in my fist.

"Don't hang up, please, please don't," Alice begged, her voice full of tears. That was my undoing.

I fell onto my unmade bed, and let my head fall into my free hand over my bent knees. I felt the tears starting to come now, and didn't want Emmett and Edward to see them.

"I won't," my voice broke. "Not even the army could make me," I promised solemnly.

"I'm scared," she whimpered as the doctors shouted in the back. I didn't know how she was delivering the baby, because I wasn't fucking there.

"Me too," I admitted quietly, trying to seem calm for her. "I love you Alice, so fucking much."

"Jasper, I love you too, I love you a whole lot," she told me quietly with complete conviction.

"Alice, you're going to have to start pushing. You might want to hang up the phone," I heard a serene male doctor tell her. I wonder if she knew that doctor. Was that her doctor? Or was it some stranger? Who was her doctor?

"Like hell," Alice said pleasantly. I barked out a tearful laugh at my girl.

"I don't know if I can do this," Alice confided, her voice now terrified and frantic.

"Yes you can," I said, fully believing every word. "You can do anything. You're a warrior Ali, and you can do this."

I stayed on the line with her, throughout the entire labor. At one point though, Esme had to hold the phone to her ear so Alice didn't crush. Instead, she grabbed the pillows and probably tore them to shreds effortlessly.

I forgot the worries slowly. I don't know how that was possible, I was just immersed in Alice. Every cry she made of pain felt like a bullet in my chest. I wanted to take the pain from her, hide her from the world and give me the pain.

"Just a little more Alice!" I heard the doctor encourage her.

"You can do it Ali, just a little bit more," I coached her, having no idea in hell what I was doing.

I heard her cry out one final, painful time. I waited to hear the babies cry, I waited to hear my son announce his presence in the world. I waited.

"What's wrong?" I heard Alice ask them in desperate terror that suddenly mirrored my own thoughts.

"Find the heartbeat!" I heard a doctor yell, but it wasn't in Alice's direction. It was in the direction of our baby, wherever they had whisked him off to.

I couldn't do anything. I sat there on my bed, in Iraq while doctors worked to save my son who was born two months before he was ready. Two months is a long time. What if he wasn't ready for the world?

After five minutes of commotion on the other line, and Alice and I whispering desperate soothings to each other, that neither of us really believed, it was done.

I heard a doctor muttering some things to Alice, and for the life of me, I couldn't get close enough to the phone to hear what he was saying.

Alice got back on the line, her voice heartbreakingly devesated, "He didn't make it Jasper." And I didn't know who's sob was who's. The lump in my throat won over me.

My son didn't survive.

My son was gone.

The phone fell from my hand and my head buried in my hands as sobs wracked my entire body, painfully hard.

I could feel Edward and Emmett sitting down next to me, putting their arms over my shoulders, but I couldn't feel anything. I could only feel numbness and the imaginary soft touch of a small baby's hand. A small baby who fought for what seemed like a lifetime for his life, and in the end was too precious and too fragile for the world.

I could feel the soft pretend touch of my lips to a silky baby's forehead under my lips. I could feel a gentle weight in my arms, where a child would look up to me with wonder. But now, those were just imaginations. They wouldn't happen.

I cried for me and Alice and our boy. I had never met him, and it felt like I had lost a part of me. It felt like a piece of my soul had just died as well. I felt shattered.

I would never meet my little boy.

* * *

_Everything I know, and anywhere I go _  
_It gets hard but it won't take away my love_  
_And when the last one falls, _  
_when it's all said and done_  
_It gets hard but it won't take away my love _

_I'm here without you baby,_  
_but you're still on my lonely mind_  
_I think about you baby,_  
_and I dream about you all the time_  
_I'm here without you baby, _  
_but you're still with me in my dreams_  
_And tonight, there's only you and me _  
Here Without You, 3 Doors Down

* * *

I don't think I have words to say with this chapter. A first, but I don't feel the need to ramble right now. But I must thank you all for sending me over 5,000 reviews! I am so lucky to have all of you with me.


	39. Chapter 39

**For those of you who missed my Twitter tweets today:** I am a young writer (younger than I'm sure most of you know) and I have so much to learn. My imagination got the best of me while I was writing Edward's past and it invaded the story. I'm not sorry that I wrote what I wanted to. But I acknowledge that it is probably the direction I should have taken the story. I have been debating what to do with it, and have firmly decided to stand by it.

As Eminem would say, "Haters can make like bees."

* * *

Things were awful in the house the weeks after Alice lost her baby. There are so many other synonyms that I could use to describe the situation, but all of them would just be rambling. Plain and simple, it was awful.

Alice. My God Alice. She's had the roughest life of anyone I knew. Her parents died and she had no one, she joined the army where the one man she fell in love with couldn't be seen with her, then she got blown up by a grenade, and then discharged where she figured out she was pregnant and the dad wasn't going to be there for the pregnancy or birth. And then the precious little life that she loved more than anything in the world didn't make it.

It was the saddest thing I had ever witnessed in my life. She thought her placenta abruption was her fault. And she had convinced herself that that was the case and it made me want to cry. She tried to put up a strong front at times, which was so pathetically sad to watch. Sometimes she would be almost in denial. I would catch her hand travel to her belly, waiting for a kick that was not going to come. And there was nothing I could do about it.

But she wasn't the only source of sadness from the house. Esme was horrible to see the whole week after. She hadn't had a miscarriage since the year after I arrived, that I knew of. Before that though, I knew she had had a fair number, and she was having trouble conceiving. Now, Alice had lost the baby that we had all come to love and look forward to. You can imagine the affect this would have on Esme. But more than that, she was sad that Alice had to go through such pain that she already knew far too well.

Carlisle was much better at masking his melancholy. He was in a house full of three depressed women. And two dogs. He was the leader of our family and he had to try to keep us all from falling apart. God bless the man. I couldn't have been able to be a rock for everyone. I knew he was feeling just what Esme was in terms of the miscarriages and Alice, but he had no choice but to cover it up, for no one's sake but his own.

I missed Edward, but I could live with him being gone for awhile. Alice _needed_ Jasper with her. It was cruel to make her go through such an ordeal without him by her side. It was horrendous that the two of them had to be on different ends of the earth during such a painful time where all they really needed was each other.

I just couldn't even imagine what the two of them were going through.

I skipped a few days of school to stay home with Alice. But she barely said any words. I worried that if I didn't make her eat, she wouldn't even leave her bedroom. I should have been stronger. I should have been able to be the friend that I personally would have needed. But I just couldn't do it. There was so much sadness that I had no way of fixing, and selfishly, I knew that it was taking its toll of me. So I went back to school and barely hung on to the words the teachers were saying.

Golf season had started during that time and I sucked. Like really, really sucked. The new people on the team had no clue why I was the varsity captain. But I could not focus when I knew that someone I loved was in pain and I was helpless. I talked to Brenner and vaguely explained what was going on, and fortunately he let me miss some practices when Esme would be gone and Alice would be alone.

I had no idea when she was going to get better. I knew that you can't really recover from something like that. You can just learn how to bare the grief. But when was that going to happen? It worried me immensely.

Edward and I were both insanely busy. We had only gotten to speak a few times over the past couple weeks and I missed him insanely. Edward was my rock, he was the confident sure one; I needed him to know what I should do. And it was killing me that I had not been able to talk to him much.

I kept my phone with me at all times. That was nothing new, but now I kept it on vibrate. I didn't care when the hell it was, if he was calling me, I sure as hell was going to answer.

One day in my Trig class the week before I had felt my pocket buzz. Surreptitiously I angled the phone to see that it was Edward calling. My teacher, a young guy who was good friend with Brenner was going over the homework from the night before. There was ten minutes or so left of class. And what did I do? I stood up from my seat, mumbled that I had to go to the bathroom and left the room without his response. It was a good thing that he was a fun teacher I enjoyed or I would have been screwed. I apologized to the teacher and tried to explain, but he stopped me and said that Brenner had told him, and it was fine. I loved my teachers.

Since Brenner knew that I was currently in a sucky slump fest of life, he let me keep my phone on me at practice too. One particularly chilly April day he was helping me on the practice green. He was in the middle of telling me that my feet were fucked up when my phone started to ring quietly.

"Can I?" I asked, referring to the phone, biting my lip.

Brenner sighed and narrowed his eyes in a teasing yet still serious way, "Isn't it like midnight over there?"

"So I'll make it quick," I promised with a half hearted grin. He rolled his eyes and hit a ball at my foot with his putter. I took that as a yes and pulled the phone out of my pocket and took steps to get off the green and out of the way.

"Hi," I answered immediately. A real smile wove up onto to my face when Edward gave me a hi back.

"How's it going over there?" he asked with a sigh, knowing that it really wasn't peachy. I sighed too. My smile slid into a frown as I went to perch on a rock near by.

"Sucky. How's Jasper?"

I could practically hear Edward frown. "The man's a wreck. He's become a master at hiding it from everyone, and for the most part no one notices anymore. But Emmett and I are worried about him. His head's not here. And I can't blame him for that, I understand it. But with where we are, his head _has_ to be here," he replied gravely.

Oh Jasper, I silently sighed. That man needed some hugs, however dumb that sounded. Jasper was the only soldier who I didn't know very well, but I just wanted to help him. I wanted to do something. It was so frustrating. "I'm worried about both of them. It's been a month."

"I know baby, me too."

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do," I confided. Edward didn't say anything knowing the tone I was using. He knew I was about to start venting, and probably bring myself close to tears. "I'm just so tired. I can't keep doing this. I've felt like crying ever since you told me about your mom, and I haven't stopped feeling like that. I feel like crying all the time. I haven't been happy since you left. But I feel awful when I cry, because I know Alice has it much worse than I do," I stopped and took a shaky breath, already getting myself worked up. My heart just felt so fucking heavy that it was difficult to bear. I didn't know what to do anymore.

"Shh, Bella, don't cry," he soothed, really concerned. I knew he hated hearing me cry when he was gone, because it made him feel helpless. And I did not want to bestow the same thing that I had been feeling for weeks on him. Besides, I wasn't about to burst out into sobs in the middle of a golf course with Brenner just a few feet away. I could. But I wasn't.

I exhaled slowly and loudly, showing him that I was going to keep it together. Encouraged, he told me caringly, "I know life sucks snicker doddle. You're only 18, you don't have all the answers, and no one expects you to. You should not have to deal with this alone. But the way Emmett and I are getting through this is knowing that we'll be home in two weeks. You just have to hang onto that."

He was trying. He was doing the best he could and I knew that. He deserved someone who could be wholly comforted by his phone soothing. "But you're only here for a week," I argued miserably.

"That's a week less that you have to be alone," he answered, not missing a beat. I nodded, accepting that reasoning. I had been so distracted by everything that I hadn't even had time to allow myself to be excited for his visit. It didn't even seem like excitement was allowed at the house anymore. But the thought that I'd have him for a whole week was extremely appealing.

"Only two months after that," I remembered out loud. And then he'd be home for fucking good. Now that was really an appealing thought. It was so comforting to be reminded that we were almost in the clear. Just a little more left.

"That's my girl," Edward said proudly, probably with a grin. I couldn't resist smiling a little bit. He continued, more confident now that it seemed like I wasn't going to lose it again, "We'll figure this out together. You just have to hang tight for two more weeks," he promised.

Again I nodded, even though he could not see me. "What about Alice and Jasper? I want to help her. But I just can't live like this. Should I talk to her?" I had no idea what I was going to say. I just wanted to really know how she was doing and then, base my actions on that. I just hated walking around the house miserable if I didn't have to be.

Edward seemed properly pleased with my question. I was surprised about the initiative too. "Give it a shot. I think we need to just give them time. I'm sure it'll be much better when our deployments are over. But until then I think we just have to leave them be unless they need us."

"Alright. I love you."

"_Eshtaaqtu Elayy_," Edward said in a foreign language that still, even though I had already heard him speak in it, made me smile with delight at how beautiful it sounded.

"Arabic?" I guessed. It made sense that Edward was able to speak the language after being there so long.

"Aiwa," he replied. I rolled my eyes. Edward must have recently started brushing up on the more romantic sayings of the Iraqi language.

"I miss you too," I replied, taking a guess as to that's what he said.

"Ah," he complained boyishly, "come on. How do you know I wasn't talking about your breasts?" he challenged, making me giggle.

"Well were you?" I asked, already knowing I was right.

"…no," he admitted. I laughed quietly.

"Got get sleep," I urged him. If Jasper's head was in China, then I most definitely needed Edward alert enough to look after both of their asses.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm going." We exchanged goodbyes and another set of I love yous before we had to hang up the phone. I sat on my rock for a quiet minute. It was amazing how happy he could make me.

Brenner who was still on the green excused himself from a conversation with the boys coach. He walked half way over to where I was standing and raised an eyebrow in my direction where I sat smiling on a rock.

"You good?" he checked. Idly I wondered how fucking transparent I was. Did everyone really see my emotions that easily?

"Yeah," I answered, "I'm good." And for the first time in weeks. I actually was.

-oOo-

I was so excited to have Edward coming home the next day. It had been such a long winter without him. I wanted to see him and hold him so badly. Looking back I couldn't believe I made it through the allotted amount of time with as few of break downs as I did. Waiting for Edward to come back was like waiting for Christmas. But Christmas always comes and goes. Unfortunately Edward was only going to be here for a week before he left again.

Around the house I was cautiously starting to improve. But I couldn't work up the nerve to actually talk to her. The day before Edward's flight was coming in, Alice approached me instead. I was in my room trying on my prom dress that I had picked out back in February with Alice.

Alice silently padded into my room and perched over on my bed. Slowly I turned away from the mirror and took in her appearance. I was pleasantly surprised by what I saw. She had on a long sleeved purple shirt and a pair of black sweatpants, looking somewhat refreshed. She looked, calm but I didn't miss the underlying sadness etched into her face.

I wasn't sure what to say so I gave her an apologetic look. Her lips twitched up slightly. Then she sighed and leaned back to rest her weight on her hands. "I want you to be happy Bella. I really do." I tried to hide my shock. Those were the most words I had heard her say all month.

"I want you to be-"Alice shook her head and held up a hand gesturing for me to stop. I closed my mouth mid sentence.

"I know you do. But I just need more time. I don't want you to be in mourning with me. That's a dumb idea. I want you to be excited and happy. You're graduating high school in a month, you have prom, you have all your golf and Edward's coming home. You have your whole life ahead of you. Please be anxious and fun; it sucks seeing your bright family down with me."

I opened my mouth. And then I shut it. I was stunned. I couldn't think of anything to say in response to her sincere request. I had no idea what do to in this situation.

"But I-" I started to protest. I wouldn't feel right laughing and having fun, cracking jokes with Carlisle and Esme while Alice was in so much pain. It seemed like the last thing I should even consider doing. Alice raised her eyebrows and finished my sentence for me.

"-you have Edward coming home tomorrow. It's April, and you haven't seem him since October. Dammit Bella, don't make him come to you moping. It's not fair to either of you. Be as happy and excited as you possibly can be." Her voice cracked noticeably at the end. I swallowed back a bubble in my throat as Alice made her speech fiercely, her eyes shining with unshed tears. I guess she was trying to tell me that I had to accept that I wasn't going to be able to do more.

She just needed Jasper.

It had only been six weeks.

But I had to check, for selfish reasons. "Are you sure?"

Alice nodded vigorously, almost smiling. "Positive. It's impossible to try and feel better if no one else is showing happiness."

I gave her a small smile. "It's good to have you back Al."

I could see things starting to get better even that night. Alice came down to eat dinner with the family and made small talk with a very surprised Esme. I even joined the conversation at occasional on with pride as the three of us had a conversation, a normal one.

We were not talking like nothing had happened. None of us would ever forget Alice and Jasper's baby boy. We just were trying to move on with life and deal with the pain. Not forget about it.

I felt almost guilty at how easy it was for me to become even more excited. The day of Edward's arrival I was practically dancing around the house. It was the last month of senior year. None of the teachers taught anything at all. Well, except my math teacher, but he knew he was doing so in vain. I talked to them and got the entire Wednesday off of school, and all of Friday as well. I was on cloud nine as I was making the familiar drive to the airport.

Not going to lie. I did in fact spend an hour picking out an outfit to wear for the occasion. In the end I had selected a pair of dark denim skinny jeans and a cute navy top with a black belt snuggly on my waist. I also put on a little make up before I started driving. I was very bored and antsy the entire drive. But then again, I always was.

It felt like déjà vu. I had only really driven to pick him up from the airport once, Carlisle had done so the other time. But as I was finding a parking spot and walking through the terminals and security, I couldn't help but feel the butterflies that I had felt 10 months ago when I was first picking him up. I was just as eager as I had been then.

For twenty minutes I strummed my fingers against the arm rest of the uncomfortable chair. Then I switched positions and bounced my leg for another ten, keeping my eyes peeled for the airplane to taxi in. Five minutes of foot tapping and butterfly attacks later, a large commercial plane leisurely taxied down the air strip towards the terminal.

I jumped to my feet when people started to flow out of the doorway. So much had occurred since I had last been on my tip toes searching for my soldier. Finally, following two business men came the camo clothes I had been dying to see. As soon as I recognized Edward I ran through the chairs and other people. I didn't care about causing a scene. In that moment there was nothing -and I mean absolutely nothing- that could have kept me away from him. Edward dropped his duffel bag and caught me as I threw myself at him and wrapped my arms tightly around his body, my legs going around his waist.

I held him tightly against me, his own arms holding me snuggly. I took a long inhale of his smell, which always seemed to make him real to me. Then I closed my eyes and nuzzled my face in the crook of his neck, a giant smile gracing my face. I felt all the curves of his muscles around me, I felt the familiar beating of his heart against me, and I heard the laugh that I would die a thousand times over just to hear.

With a huge beam I moved my head away from him so I could get a good look at his face. His green eyes were shining as he grinned his crooked grin with thrill. He leaned his face towards mine and I met my lips to his with months of built up love and intense passion.

If you personally are not in love with a soldier, you've probably only had one first kiss. But if you did have the fortune of loving a soldier, than you know what it's like. Every time Edward came home from Iraq and we were reunited, I got my first kiss, over and over again. And each time, it grew more and more special.

As I kissed him, and he kissed me back with as much passion and enthusiasm. I let out everything I had been dealing with for the past few months. I let out of all my frustration, my loneliness, my longing and my unexpressed love. I knew as our lips met in a beautiful struggle, that this was why I did it. I loved a sergeant because nights without him all seemed to be forgotten as soon as his arms were wrapped around me.

We regretfully broke apart. I held his face in my hands and rested my forehead against his, closing my eyes and breathing rapidly. When I opened them Edward was grinning joyfully at me.

"Hi," he said cheerfully, his voice with a hint of comedy due to the fact neither of us never really knew how to start a conversation.

I giggled softly. "Hey."

"You're so fucking beautiful," he breathed, taking me in. I rolled my eyes, but grinned nonetheless. He shifted so that he was supporting me with one arm and touched his other hand gently to my cheek. I smiled adoringly.

"I missed you."

Edward chuckled and kissed me lightly. "Story of my life babe."

I gave him a small smile, glad to hear his laugh again. "I hate when you're gone." Irrelevant point.

Edward looked me square in the eye with fond warmth. "Distance only makes you more beautiful."

I laughed and rolled my eyes once more. "How long have you been thinking of that line?" I mocked playfully.

Edward grinned sheepishly. "Since January," he admitted adorably.

I laughed and hugged him closer again. "Wow, I just set that right up for you didn't I?"

"I know!" Edward agreed enthusiastically, "thank you for that." I shook my head in amazement of him.

"Come on, let's go home." I had literally dreamed about saying those words to him. I knew he wasn't home for good, but a week with him was what I desperately needed.

Edward smiled with such subtle brilliance that it melted my heart. "You don't know how good it sounds to hear you say that." I hesitantly let my legs slip from around him and he helped, lowering me down onto my feet. I left my hands on each of his face, unwilling to break the moment.

I smiled slightly before looking at him intensely. My thumbs continued to softly stroke his smooth jaw. "Edward, you can't keep leaving me. I feel so monstrously selfish, but when you come back again for good, you're sticking with me whether you like it or not."

Edward returned my serious look with a smothering gaze which would make anyone believe anything he said. His arms wrapped around my waist and he leaned down to rest his forehead on mine. With his green eyes startlingly full of promise he uttered the words I needed to hear.

"I promise."

* * *

_I have fallen to my knees_  
_As I sing a lullaby of pain_  
_I'm feeling broken in my melody_  
_As I sing to help the tears go away_

_Will you help me fall apart_  
_Pick me up, take me in your arms_  
_Find my way back from the storm_  
_And you show me how to grow_  
_Through the change_  
_Then I remember the pledge you made to me_

_I know you're always there_  
_To hear my every prayer inside_  
_I'm clinging to the promise of a lifetime_  
_I hear the words you say_  
_To never walk away from me and leave behind_  
_The promise of a lifetime_  
Promise of a Lifetime, Kutless

* * *

**Long IMPORTANT Author's Note:** I know it's been awhile since I've update, but fall sports have begun (I'm giving tennis the good ole' college try) and five hour practices daily have not help my case. However, thats a meaningless excuse. I've become discouraged with this stories over the months, and though it hasn't been fair to you, I have not been giving it my all.  
-This is will most likely be my last fanfiction. I need to test my abilites as a writer to see if I can create my own story with my own characters, and I've had an idea festering in my head for months now. It needs to be written. And I'm really no longer a huge fan of Twilight.

-I will try have the rest of this story posted completely within two weeks. I've written everything..._except the last chapter_...

-And _finally_, thank you all for your kind words, PMs checking to see if I'm alive, and amazing response to Chapter 38! I love you all(:


	40. Chapter 40

Mob chapter. Don't like it? Don't come complaining to me.

* * *

"So…you're honestly asking me for a favor?" Brenner asked slowly, making sure he had heard my request right. I sighed and perched on a desk in front of his.

This morning I had learned that dates for prom over the age of 21 were not allowed. After some questioning I discovered that if the student got a member of the faculty to vouch for their date, it would be allowed. If the of aged date brought in alcohol or such things, the staff member would be in serious shit. So not many teachers put their approval out there.

"Please," I pouted with a decidedly whiny voice. He rolled his eyes at my dramatic antics. I kept the pout up.

"And how am I supposed to know that Mr. Eduardo isn't going to cost me my job?" Ultimately I knew that he was giving me a hard time and would say yes. I was just humoring him.

I narrowed my eyes. "You know Edward wouldn't do that. I'm not dating a druggie either. Please?" And then I was back to pouting. Down the hall Rosalie was having this same conversation with our Trig teacher.

Brenner raised an eyebrow, just to annoy me. "What happened to boys are stupid?" He quoted, doing a poor imitation of my voice. I was not going to deny that I had at one point, sincerely believed that.

I huffed loudly. "I was like 14 when I said that! Cancels out the credibility of that, don't you think?"

Brenner sighed with the hidden mocking tone that I loved to hate. "Fine, I suppose you can go to prom Swan. But if I get shit for this I'm taking my seven iron to the guy." It was almost a sweet gesture.

"Perfect!" I said with excited mocking. He rolled his eyes and dismissed me by going back to his dumb laptop.

That had been my momentary panic of Friday. I had got it squared away and was back on track to my successful prom night. But on Saturday, while Edward and I were eating a late breakfast before I had to go get my hair done, there was another issues. And this wasn't going to be solved as effortlessly as Brenner.

I huffed and narrowed my eyes at Edward, immensely frustrated. "I want a gun!" I reiterated for the 10th time.

Edward had decided (apparently awhile ago) that I did not need a gun. It could affect my safety, he had told me with a sweet finality of his voice.

Yeah, that wasn't going to exactly cut it with me.

He was also getting completely unjustifiably frustrated with me. He sighed loudly and massaged his temples with one hand. "Bella, I told you. You don't need one."

"Yes I do!" I disagreed vehemently. Of course I needed a gun. If some guy comes at me with a gun what exactly was I suppose to do? Mumble, "_Oh hey, you can't like shoot me because my boyfriend never allowed me to have a gun_?"

Edward's hand dropped and regarded me with agitation. "Why exactly do you feel the need to carry a weapon?"

I fought the urge to slap my forehead. This was literally the forth time he had asked me that question. I knew he was just using a great circumlocution strategy. "So I can shoot people with it!"

"No."

I was going to slap the man very soon. "What?" I questioned disbelievingly, "That's why you have yours!" I argued. Objectively, both of our points were growing exceedingly pathetic, but my argument was still stronger than his.

Edward shook his head. "Irrelevant."

And that's where we were with _that_ subject.

As Brunico styled my hair quietly in the bathroom, occasionally humming I thought about what Edward's arrival had meant. I was thrilled that he was with me again. But the reason for my push on the right to bear arms topic had not come randomly. I knew that Edward was still in danger of his past, and I would feel much better if he wasn't the only one packing heat.

I suppose my resolve was slightly selfish. I wanted a gun so I could stop people from harming me or Edward. I hoped it would never come to that. But I knew there was no way I would be able to handle Edward getting shot. Period.

Regardless of that, I was hoping that my prom night wasn't going to be broke up by the mafia.

I pushed all thoughts about Edward's past out of my mind. I had all my life to figure that out. But tonight, my heart was racing. I slid into my deep blue dress excitedly while Esme buttoned it from the back. I was so eager to see Edward in his newly obtained tux. I had told him he could wear his military dress wear. But he had just shrugged it off and said that he'd save that for a military ball. I was intrigued.

I really wasn't savoring the moments of preparation for senior prom. I had always imagined it to be a really special experience that would take hours to get ready for. But then Edward arrived and I was sure as hell not going to waste any time with him and spend hours on my lipstick. I would save that shit for my wedding.

Esme rushed downstairs ahead of me and snatched the camera up. When I turned to the stairs and put my hand on the railing I gasped. I had a perfect view of my overwhelmingly handsome soldier.

Edward's head turned when he heard me gasp and a lazy yet amazed grin spread across his face. He looked completely striking with the black jacket contrasting his nicely tanned face. The white made his eyes so bright that I could see them shining from a stair case up. Instead of a black bow tie he was wearing a blue silk tie the exact shade of my dress. Lord help me…I hadn't stood a chance with this man.

Instead of making my way slowly downstairs in a grand gesture, I lifted my dress up so I wouldn't trip on it and rushed at a respectable speed down the stairs. Edward's grin grew wider by the time I arrived in front of him. "You look…." Edward searched for the right word but then gave a chuckle, "great," he finished with a nod. I smiled brightly.

"You happen to clean up nicely too." Inwardly I made a face. That was legitimately the largest fucking understatement of all time.

My compliment was met with rolled eyes. He looked me over again before settling on my face. He grinned and held his arm out to me. "Come on my Cinderbella, off to the ball."

Then it was my turn for me to roll my eyes. But I smiled nevertheless and took hold of his arm. Oh Edward, I thought silently, I would _gladly_ trade Prince Charming for a soldier any day.

Of course Esme made us take thousands of pictures.

And then Emmett and Rosalie arrived, both looking equally decent. Emmett opted out of the military look like Edward and was wearing his suit. Rosalie looked positively stunning in her scarlet red floor length dress. It was strapless like mine and had a sparkling bodice. Her mom had spent hours on it. It looked amazing with her curled blond hair cascading down around her shoulders.

Needless to say…we took more pictures. Finally, Carlisle made Esme put the camera down and go get ready for a work meeting. We all thanked him.

Since Rose and I didn't broadcast our relationships…well, I guess I was the one in the relationship. After a year I still didn't know what the fuck to call and Emmett and Rosalie. I knew they loved each other, but I didn't know if they were in love. Or at least if they had come to terms with that. I just thought of him as her boyfriend because to me it was inevitable.

Anyway, Rose and I didn't really gush much about the guys. We had a lot of friends, but I just felt so immature if I started talking about Edward like he was some high school crush. To me that would be an insult to what we had. We were in this for the long run, and that seemed like a difficult concept for people who lived for Friday night football games to grasp. And really, I wasn't trying to sound imperious, because there's nothing wrong with our friends. We just wanted to go to dinner with the two of them ourselves.

It was a fun night. We had a quiet dinner at a very nice restaurant. Emmett and Edward told us stories about what they really did in their down time in Iraq. They interrupted each other and chimed in with laughs about every other sentence. Rose and I laughed, then shook our heads…and there was definitely some eye rolling. By the time our dinner actually arrived, Rose and I were launched into a story about the frosh on our soccer team.

I hadn't laughed so much since last summer. The fact that for once I was truly happy and enjoying myself wasn't even the best part. Edward was looking at me all evening with such adoration that whenever I glanced over at him, I felt myself grow warm from the love he was emitting from his gazes. He made me feel like I was without a doubt that most special woman in the world. And really, I think we all hope for that in the people we're attracted to. I was so fucking lucky to have found that at my young age.

This year our school had decided in indulge on a ballroom for prom. They rented the reception room at one of the local upscale hotels instead of a gymnasium. Their theme was decidedly cliché, being titled "A Night under the Stars." But the student council did a great job with the decorations.

By the time that we arrived, most of the couples had already migrated to the dancing floor. With amused smirks on their faces, Emmett and Edward led Rose and I out to join them. I rolled my eyes. When Edward said he'd do anything for me, he meant senior prom too. I knew he wasn't thrilled to be dancing among my student body, but he was being a trooper.

A slow song started to play from the DJ booth and a few couples bowed out, probably not serious couples. Edward however wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled my up against him. I smiled against his jacket as I rested my arms around his neck. We swayed back and forth to the beat without a care in the world. Dancing with Edward was a whole new experience that took my breath away.

It was something I could check off of my bucket list. When I was 12, I had made a list of 100 things I want to do before I die. Number sixty something had been to dance with someone I am completely in love with. As much crap as I had gotten for that whimsy goal, I realized how much truth there was behind that statement. I honestly felt pity for those around me who were convincing themselves that they loved their boyfriend enough to fuck him on prom night. I felt pity for those people who hadn't found what I had found in Edward. It didn't seem fair to me that it took some people years to find someone and I had already done that before graduating high school. I wasn't complaining; I was thanking God.

After about an hour I decided to put Edward out of his misery…well maybe not misery. Actually, he seemed to be enjoying himself among strangers. I was having fun with him. I didn't want to stop dancing. But I also just wanted time alone with him somewhere, and prom wasn't the best place to do that. So we said _see ya_ to Rose and Emmett and exited the building.

Esme had insisted on Edward and me driving her Escalade here. She didn't think a truck was appropriate. Then she decided she actually needed her car. So guess who rode a motorcycle? Oh yes. She was one cool woman.

Unfortunately, she parked the motorcycle about two blocks away from the hotel. It was in a parking lot next to a closed bank because she had wanted room to park. Edward and I had to cross through an alley between the hotel and a run down insurance brick building.

I had an eerie feeling the minute I set foot between the encasing space of the two buildings. Edward must have too, because he wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me under his arm. We made it about a forth of the way before things started to go down hill.

When the first gun shot was fired I let out a shriek of surprise. I looked around pointlessly in the dark for a split second before Edward pushed me back behind him. My heart started to pound when I watched him draw a gun from the waist band of the back of his pants and point it commandingly ahead.

"Ed-" I started to ask before I was up cut off abruptly by a terrifying hand covering my mouth and jerking me away from Edward. Edward spun around instantly as I felt a freezing metal probe against my temple. I didn't have to be a G.I. Joe fan to know there was gun against my head. The hand released my mouth and I fought the urge to spit in disgust. Instead it grabbed my arm on the opposite side of the gun. It was clearly a man's hand.

I was completely terrified that this could be the last few seconds of my life. But looking at Edward, I irrationally knew that wouldn't be the case. I had an insane trust in Edward's abilities and I knew that he would do whatever he could to save me. Even with the fear seeping through every pore of my body, I had nothing but faith for the soldier in front of me. He was trained for this. And he was good at his job.

Edward looked at the man holding me murderously before he grew…exasperated? No, that couldn't have been it. With the gun still pressed against my head I realized that exasperated was the right word. Edward let out a sigh before addressing the man.

"Come _on_ man! What the fuck happened to chivalry? For example, maybe not pointing a gun at my girlfriend's head!" Edward exclaimed, frustrated. Since I had never been in one of these situations, I kept my mouth shut. I did however raise an eyebrow at him.

When the men replied to him, he sounded young, not more than 25. "It died when women were allowed the right to bear arms." He almost seemed to be grumbling.

I rolled my eyes, annoyed. "Does it _look_ like I'm packing heat in this dress?" I exclaimed, not daring to turn to face him. Edward's lip twitched up just the slightest before he went back to glaring at him, gun still poised at him.

The guy didn't respond. Maybe it was the adrenaline making me so…sassy…but hell, if I'm going down, I'm going out with my sarcasm intact. "No. Exactly! Now since I'm not _allowed_ to have a gun, I think we should reinstate chivalrous behavior. It would be very polite of you if you moved that killing machine away from my vital organs."

When the guy still didn't respond I willed Edward to meet my eyes. He locked gazes with me and with such subtlety that I wasn't even sure he did it, he moved his gaze down. He looked back up searching for an inclination that I understood. I moved my eyes down to the road in question and he moved his head forward the tiniest bit. I mentally counted to three in sync with my captor's heavy breath. Then, with sweaty palms, I used the elbow being loosely held and jerked in back into him before quickly ducking to the ground.

I heard a gun shot and then another one back in response before the man who had been holding me fell to the ground in a heap. My ears were ringing from the shots. "Come on!" Edward rushed, holding his hand out to me. Frightened I grabbed his hand hurriedly and stood out of my crouch. Gun in one hand and me in the other, Edward and I started to run.

I quickly assessed the alley we were in. There was a dumpster about twenty yards away and a shitty car about ten yards past that. The alley didn't end for about sixty yards and I had a feeling we were screwed. There were a few turned over trash cans and other crap, like broken lobby chairs.

Another gun shot was fired from somewhere and Edward pulled me down. Instead of shrieking I ducked immediately with him. Idly I was very grateful I had learned to walk in heels because now I was running for my life with them.

When Edward and I made sure that neither of us had been the victim of someone else's gun we rushed to one side of the large green dumpster. I looked to my right to see that there was no one shooting at us from that direction. I ducked down while Edward leaned around the dumpster, firing shoots. I shrieked when the shooter hit the dumpster with a loud boom.

"Stay down!" Edward yelled over the gun fire. Freaked out, I looked at him, he didn't see the glance. He was too concentrated on leaning out around the dumpster before ducking back in and then repeating the motion. There sounded like more than one shooter in that direction now.

I became overwhelmingly furious. Someone was honestly trying to kill the only man I'd ever love. Like hell I was just going to sit there.

With Edward still cursing wildly next to me, I slipped my heavy four inch heels off of my feet. I hooked them together in my hand as my bare feet touched the cold grimy pavement.

Cautiously I crept to Edward's side. He had just ducked and was getting ready to take another shot. I leaned with him as he took his shot and saw that there were two men lying dead on the ground where he had just been. But, that wasn't the bad part; there were two more men, still very much alive firing bullets, only about twenty feet away.

Throwing all fucking caution to the wind I took one of my heels in my right hand and whirled it in the closer man's direction. I chucked with as much force as I was possible capable of and hoped it wouldn't fall short. Edward yanked me back behind him just as the heel of the shoe connected with the man's neck.

I allowed myself a smug grin.

The man swore very loudly, and if I may say, very offensively at me. Edward's jaw tightened and gave me a look. I had never seen a more conflicting glance. It was chalked full of annoyance, adrenaline, anger, amusement…and pride. I guess not every girl nails the mafia with their heels.

Momentarily the shooting stopped. Edward's head fell back against the dumpster and closed his eyes for a split second. When he opened them, determination was the main emotion present. Well…that was second, only to ridiculously pissed off.

"She threw a fucking shoe at me!" The man griped incredulously. Again, he sounded fairly young. "Whatta bitch Masen!" he addressed Edward, agitated. Edward looked over at me and gave me a quick and breathless wink.

"Watch it Al, she's got another one," Edward called back in warning. His voice almost startled me. When Edward got mad at someone his voice took a cold and commanding tone.

"Who the fuck brings their girlfriend to a shoot out? Motherfucker." Al grumbled. I could hear some frightening clicking of a gun that wasn't Edward's.

Edward's eyes narrowed at no one in particular. "Well, maybe next time you shouldn't ambush me on her prom night, fucker."

"It did work out rather perfectly didn't it? You were so unsuspecting," Al goaded mockingly. I raised a confused eyebrow. Edward rolled his eyes.

"I brought a fucking gun with me. You still haven't been able to get a decent shot. You must have a fucked up definition of perfectly," Edward replied, baiting. "Dumbass," he added with distaste.

Al's voice grew angry. "Watch it fucker. You couldn't possibly think that Joe and I were the only ones tracking your arrival." This caught Edward's attention. He looked around to make sure that we were the only four in the alley. "A billion dollars is a goddamn lot of money, don't you think? People kill for hundred bucks. I know there are plenty of others who wouldn't mind your blood on their hands."

Edward's deadly stone face didn't react. The only indication that he had heard him was the slight shifting of his jaw. Finally, he replied with murderous calmness. "Kind of like I wouldn't mind your blood on mine?"

Before I could blink or process his words, Edward was up like a flash. He jerked his gun out around the dumpster and fired an immediate shot. I couldn't tell if it had hit him or not. But Edward continued to fire shots without ducking back.

After I was convinced that my pounding heart was beating far too fast and I could possibly die…the shots abruptly ended. Edward closed his eyes and let his gun fall to his side. Thinking it was safe, I stood up from my uncomfortable crouch. I placed my hand on Edward's arm and leaned around the dumpster to see that the two more men were now down on the ground.

I let out a shaky breath, feeling my stomach knot at the sight of the bodies. Edward sighed exhaustedly and moved away from me. "I have to make sure," he mumbled. I nodded and he started to walk towards the assumed corpses. He took all of two steps before I darted over to him, not wanting to be away from him. I grabbed his hand and held it tightly.

The first three bodies were definitely dead. Edward had got two straight in the heart and the other one in the neck and chest. It was extremely gruesome to see their pools of blood. I held back the vomit. I could handle this. It would have been perfectly understandable for me to be repulsed and sickened. But I just felt hate for these men who had tried to thoughtlessly murder Edward for their own personal gain. It was absolutely disgusting to me.

Edward expertly felt for the last body's pulse and moved away when he didn't feel one. I was just about to say something before a single shot was fired. I gasped at the noise and looked over at Edward to see him doing the same. Then we realized that neither of us had got shot. I looked around alertly for the gun that had shot.

Then I found my eyes settling on Elliot's body. He was holding a gun straight at us. He was standing at the beginning of the alley way, in his tuxedo, straight out of prom. I couldn't see his face, but I could definitely see the gun. My stomach flipped and my heart just sank. A thousand thoughts raced through my head with possible scenarios, but none of them looked good.

"Move Bella," he commanded just loud enough for me to hear him. My eyes widened as I realized that I was standing between him and Edward.

"Elliot! No!" I pleaded desperately. Fear coursed through my body as I looked over at the guy who I had fake dated and had been watching out for me for months. I couldn't believe that all this time he had been waiting to kill Edward. The betrayal made me downright furious. "I'm not going to let you fucking shoot him for money Elliot! I'm not moving."

"Some things in life are important Bella. Now move."

And with that, a shot was fired.

* * *

_It's too late baby, there's no turning around_  
_I've got my hands in my pocket and my head in a cloud_  
_This is how I do_  
_When I think about you_  
_I never thought that you could break me apart_  
_I keep a sinister smile and a hole in my heart_  
_You want to get inside_  
_Then you can get in line_  
_But not this time_

_Cause you caught me off guard_  
_Now I'm running and screaming_  
_I feeling like a hero and you are my heroine_  
Hero/Herione by Boys Like Girls

* * *

Thank you all for you amazing responses last chapter(: I teared up at a few of your reviews... You're all amazing (as I've stressed billions of times) I'm so lucky I have such supportive, brilliant people following me. SO, SO lucky.

Oh, yeah! Cliffie. My bad...


	41. Chapter 41

Whenever I pictured what my senior prom would be like, it had seemed very generic. But that was okay, because I wanted a generic milestone in my life. I can honestly say that I never imagined guns in that vision. I didn't factor in four dead bodies either.

But whatever. I could adjust.

When it looked like Elliot was going to pull the trigger on Edward. I grew furious. I was scared, but really, I was just downright pissed off. I had felt so betrayed that I could have pulled the trigger on him. Edward and I had both trusted Elliot.

Elliot fired his gun in our direction, and I ducked automatically. When you're being shot at, your body ducks whether you want it to or not. I spun after a second to see if Edward had ducked as well.

Turns out that Elliot hadn't even been aiming at us. He was aiming for another man who was trying to kill Edward. The guy had been hiding behind the dumpster and silently jumped Edward when Elliot appeared. Elliot hadn't been aiming for Edward; he had been trying to take out the man who was trying to _kill_ Edward.

The man fell to the ground next to Edward and let out a load, strangled groan followed by a pained scream before he went quiet. Edward stepped away from him and stepped over to me. He wrapped his arms me and crushed my frantically against him. I latched my arms around him and held tightly. I felt his heart pounding against my head and allowed myself to believe that he was fine.

After a relieved moment Edward adjusted so that I was under his arm and we were facing Elliot. Elliot's gun was hanging at his side and he looked crest fallen. Edward gave him an appreciative nod. Elliot returned the nod, accepting Edward's acknowledgment. I felt awful that Elliot had just had to take someone's life; but really fucking grateful.

"You're really fucking lucky they decided to turn up the bass man," Elliot commented. He was now leaning against the brick wall, looking a little out of himself. Edward nodded. We had to get out of the alley soon. Someone had been bound to hear all the shots, if not the prom crowd.

"You should get out of here before this gets messy," Edward suggested. A very pale Elliot nodded. He moved away from the wall and gave both of us a nod before turning to go. "Wait, toss us your gun," he requested. Elliot raised an eyebrow but otherwise tossed the gun over to Edward who tucked it in his waistband.

"Thank you Elliot," I called sincerely as he started to walk back down the alley. He looked back and nodded at me, a microscopic smile on his lips. I tried to smile back before he turned again.

I would have to speak with him in depth later. What he had just done for me was so much more than handing me a sweatshirt if I was cold. I was in complete shock, really.

Edward didn't waste any time. He turned and let his arm fall off my shoulders and grabbed my hand. "We gotta get out of here babe," he said with soft urgency. I swallowed and nodded.

Getting out of that alley was like running through a disgusting bloodied obstacle course. There were five dead bodies that we were running past and their blood was pooled around them. I wasn't wearing shoes, so I had the extra motivation to run fast and light on my feet.

Edward kept glancing back to make sure that we weren't being followed. I kept glancing at him to make sure he was okay. As we were sprinting to where Esme had parked the motorcycle, I grew more and more worried about him. He seemed to be holding up because of the adrenaline, but I knew how much he hated killing. Personally I was having trouble grasping what had just gone down.

Finally we found where Esme had left the motorcycle. Edward swung his leg over the seat and revved the key in the engine. I was about to follow suit when I stopped. Then I raised an eyebrow and stared at the seat. I now had a bit of a dilemma. I was wearing a floor length dress…

"Dumbass plan Esme…" I muttered. Edward turned in his seat ready to get the hell out of there. Then he noticed the current problem and he fucking smirked.

"Just try it," Edward urged, amused by the situation. I narrowed my eyes at him and debated a decidedly sassy remark. I came up short and gave up. I bunched my very expensive dress up by the thigh and swung my leg over the seat. I was thankful I was one of those girls who valued underwear.

Edward let out a poorly stifled chuckle. I smacked him lightly in the head as I tucked the dress under me awkwardly. Once I was situated the best I could be, Edward revved the engine and we were off. He sped through the streets expertly. My hair that took two hours to style? Ha. Well that was ruined beyond recognition.

We arrived home in less than four minutes thanks to Edward's terrifying speeding. He pulled the vehicle into garage and helped me off of the seat. In silence we walked into the house through the mud room and landed in the kitchen. I sat down on a stool at the counter opposite of Edward and watched as he got a bottle of water out of the fridge.

"Start explaining," I demanded simply.

Edward sighed and closed the bottle of water. He closed his eyes for a second and when he reopened them, he looked worn and tired. He didn't look 22, he looked 30. I hated seeing him stressed out. But I was not going to go with my life until I knew why this was happening to us.

He leaned back against the island and crossed his arms regretfully. "Remember those guys back in October? And what the one man with the weird nose, Aaron said?"

I thought for a second. "The thing he said about the game?" I asked, trying to remember what else he had said. I knew the two events had been connected, I just didn't know how.

Edward nodded. Then he frowned, his gaze sturdy on the granite, looking blankly as he spoke. "I'm the game."

I frowned, not understanding. "What does that mean?"

Edward frowned too, still not meeting my gaze. "If one of those guys manages to kill me by the 4th of July, then they get the billion dollars my father's legacy built. And the title of king." As he spoke the words kill me, his steady gaze turned abruptly to meet my, the green eyes at full, serious force.

I blinked. Then I swallowed back the lump in my throat. "You're a mob prince?" I clarified. I frowned deeply and waited for him to answer.

To my surprise, his lips turned up in the tiniest of smirks. "What?" I snapped, annoyed that he seemed to be amused. I wanted a real fucking conversation.

Edward chuckled under his breath. "No, it's mafia. Not mob. Common misconception though," he corrected. I wasn't sure if he was teasing me or not. If he was, I was going to slap him.

I sighed loudly and gave him a pointed look, showing my lack of amusement. "Fine. A mafia prince?" He gave me a sheepish look.

"Well, technically, I'm a mafia king."

My hand slapped my forehead.

When I looked back up, Edward seemed warily amused by my reaction. "Of course you are," I mumbled dryly. Of course he is the king of mob. That's just great. _Just great._

"And now," I continued, forcing Edward's face to grow serious again, "the mafia is all trying to kill your billion dollar ass." I wasn't asking a question. I was just stating the facts for him to correct. Unfortunately he nodded.

"Why did it start then?" I wondered.

"131, or January 31st, is a year after my father must have died. Part of the rules."

"Why until the 4th?" I asked.

"Because it's part of the fucking game. They need stakes to make it more exciting." My stomach knotted. Who the hell were these people?

My head was beginning to ache. "So…okay, explain this again. Why do they want to kill you?"

Edward sighed and shifted his jaw, grinding his teeth. I waited as he chose his words. "If I can survive the allotted time I'll have proven myself worthy as a king. If someone kills me, that guy would have proven themselves worthy of the title. It's all about power and money in their world."

"So the drugs, sex, and prostitutes are all myths about the mafia?" I asked with dry humor. I don't know why I felt the need to bring sarcasm into this deadly serious conversation.

Edward almost chuckled. "Hell no. Those are just things on the side. Mostly it's the money."

Hmm, made sense. Since Edward was clearly willing to clear the air, I decided to press on. "Okay, and, what about that guy Mark or whatever? The one who knew everything about me? How is he related to this?" I had not forgot about my strange encounter with the baby at Alice's appointment.

Edward looked uncomfortable. But he answered nevertheless. "You're probably not going to like this next part…" he mumbled. I waited. "My best guess? There has been some patient men in the town for the past couple of months watching. Mark was just braver than others."

"Why hasn't anyone attacked me then?" Edward always laid heavy information on me when I was tired. As a result, I had a bit of tendency to react slightly indifferently to the news.

Edward narrowed his eyes at my casual phrasing of the question. "If they harm anyone but me, including you or your family, or any of our friends, they loose half of it. It makes the game harder. They only get 500 million. The other half is sent to…charities."

My face scrunched up. I was so hopelessly confused. "Like…for the needy?" Edward nodded. "What the fuck?" I hadn't thought that philanthropy was high on the mob's priority.

"It's a punishment really. They have to see their money being shipped off to people who actually fucking need it. That's why people have actually been extra careful not to shoot you."

What a lovely sentiment.

"And what happens if they decide they can live with half a billion?" I asked pointlessly. What total bastards! What does one possibly do with that much money?

Edward grimaced. "Well then you, snicker doddle, are SOL."

I glared at him.

He rolled his eyes and moved towards me. He grabbed folded hands between his. With his gaze burning, he spoke sincerely, "I will never, ever let them hurt you Bella. I know you don't want to hear this, but I would do anything for you. I would kill for you, and I would die for you. I promise you I will keep you safe."

I shivered from the intensity of his promise. I nodded. "Promise me you'll do everything you can to stay safe. Without you…" I ran through different choices of words, but fell short of anything truly meaningful, "well without, I really don't have much in life going on. You're about it."

Edward's head fell back as he laughed. I grinned, glad to hear his laughter. He looked back at me, with a small smile on his face. "You need more of a life babe," he teased.

I rolled my eyes, playfully agreeing. "Tell me about it."

I was satisfied with the information I had been granted by Edward. All I needed at the time were the basics. I'm sure there were endless details that he could have elaborated. But honestly, it had just been too much of a crazy day for me to try and ask anymore questions.

I just wanted to put on my pajamas and curl up. So, after saying hi and then a quick good night to Alice who was reading in her bed, we showered. It took…awhile, for Edward to find all the bobby pins holding my hair out. We showered together, but it didn't lead to anything. Edward was absently playful. Normally he was more than flirty when we showered together. This time he was distracted.

I slipped into a pair of female boxer shorts and a tank top while Edward put on a form fitting gray t-shirt and black and white boxers. And his black, wire framed glasses that I adored.

I grabbed a fleece blanket off of the couch as Edward watched curiously. "Come on," I held out my free hand. With a shrug he closed the distance between us and took my hand in his. "Let's just sit outside," I suggested. Without waiting for his response I led us out to my balcony and plopped down on the cool ground with my back against the wall. Silently Edward followed suit. He helped me spread the blanket over our legs and once that was settled he wrapped one of his arms around me.

We sat in contemplative silence for more than a few moments. "I know you hate what you had to do today," I said quietly. I knew that's why he had been quiet and distracted. I remembered the letter he wrote that he didn't even mean to send. He was haunted having to kill two men that he knew were murderers. I was worried about how he was holding up after the four deaths.

Edward remained silent, gazing impassively out at the dark yard. I snuggled closer to him. "I'm sorry you had to. But I'm not sorry you did."

I didn't want to push. If he didn't want to talk about it, I could respect that. I just needed him to know that he was no less of a man for doing what he did.

After nearly five minutes of comfortable yet slightly tense silence Edward finally spoke. "I don't have the right. I don't have the right to decide whether people live or fucking die. I'm not God."

I blinked grimly and thought. "Edward," I said softly, "neither do those people. They were trying to kill you. _They_ were trying to play God. You weren't. You have the right to live, just like they did. They threw that right out the window when they decided that money was more important than someone's life. It was a dumb risk. You haven't done anything to deserve to die."

Edward turned his gaze away from the trees and looked at me, his face full of bitterness and disgust. When I realized it was towards himself, I wanted to cry. "Haven't I? I murdered two men before this."

My heart sank further. "You know the definition of murder right? That's not what you did."

Edward chuckled humorlessly and without life. "The definition of murder? _To kill intentionally and with premeditation_. That's exactly what I fucking did. My intentions had been to kill them. It had been planned."

It bothered me that he knew that definition so perfectly. I couldn't help but think this had been weighing on his mind for way too long.

I frowned sadly. I hated seeing him in such self loathing. "The United States intended to kill those men. You were following orders and saving lives. That hardly condemns you to hell. It doesn't make you any less of a good person and it doesn't take away any of the love I have for you. You know that right?"

"It should," he mumbled bitterly.

"You saved my life Edward. Those men deserved to die. You deserve to live, and if that means taking out people who are trying to prevent that, then you know what. Screw it." I inwardly grimaced. I sucked at pep talks. I wished I was better at saying things in these situations. Edward was flawless at the skill of reassurance. Me? Well…I had my sarcasm.

"Someone loved them. Those were some people's sons. Some mothers brought them into the world with love. And they had siblings, girlfriends, wives and maybe even kids who will never see them again. I took them out of the world with a single shot."

"They threw away that love. This was their choice Edward. You know just as well as I do that by intentionally trying to murder someone for no reason but greed that they don't deserve love. They couldn't have possibly expected you to go without a fight. It's their fault that they won't see their families again; hardly yours," I said fiercely. By killing those people, it had taken a toll on him, and I worried that I was not the right person to help.

Edward looked back out at the yard and remained silent. My stomach churned and my heart sped on as I waited for him to respond. I hated this conversation. But I knew I would hate myself so much if I didn't have it.

Finally, Edward spoke, his eyes closed and his head back against the wall in quiet despair. When he spoke the words, my whole soul just sank. "When I do it…I feel like my father."

I closed my eyes too, saddened. I was unsure of what to say. I didn't know if saying anything would make it better. So instead, I slid my arm past him and the wall and held onto his side, rest my head against him. I hoped that it brought some comfort, because I knew words could not.

I don't know how long we sat in silence, the darkness around us. I wouldn't have been surprised if someone told me we didn't talk for an hour. For all I know though, it could have been five minutes. But finally, I felt guilty for the silence and decided to break it.

"You're not your father."

Edward didn't move from his spot, rest against the wall. His eyes didn't open. But he did give me the slightest tip of his jaw, acknowledging that he had heard me.

I sighed quietly. "Look, Edward, you're stubborn as hell. And I hate sounding redundant. I know I could go on and on with reassurance that you are a good person and I love you. But you don't need that, do you?" I asked sadly.

After a second Edward shook his head slightly and let out a shaky breath. Then, slowly his eyes opened again, and I could see his amazing green eyes through the glasses. "I just need…time."

I nodded against his chest as he wrapped his other arm around me. "I know." I mumbled.

-oOo-

I had a golf meet the next morning that Edward was going to come and walk along with. The course was only 20 minutes away, so I didn't have to meet everyone at the bus. Instead, I had an extra hour than what I normally would. So while I was changing into my skirt and shirt, Edward slipped down to Carlisle's office. Carlisle had run to the hospital to finish an hours worth of paperwork and was going to meet us at the course. Esme had a wedding scheduled that day, so she had been gone by 6 am.

I threw my hair into a messy bun on the top of my head, threw a couple bobby pins in it and put a stretchy headband on for the few stray hairs. I approved my appearance in the mirror before going off in search for Edward. He was where he said he would be, chilling out in Carlisle's desk with his cell phone against his ear.

I slipped in through the door. He looked up and gave me a small smile before looking back to the computer and speaking into the phone, "Yes I'm still here," he confirmed to the phone. It wasn't hard to miss his evident irritation. He sighed loudly. I raised an eyebrow at the display before walking quietly over to him.

"Who are you talking to?" I asked. Edward made a distasteful face which made me smirk. He wrapped his free arm around my waist and pulled me down onto his lap silently.

"I'm _trying_ to get in contact with the fucking FBI," he informed me, moving the phone away from his mouth. I nodded, not needing to be told this was probably about the guys trying to murder him.

"And?"

Edward almost growled. "They're pretty fucking hard to contact!" I pressed my lips together, trying not to show my amusement. I was starting to accept that all insane things that had been happening in my life were just thrown out there for my personal amusement.

"Don't you mean damn?" I asked just to bug him.

"No! Because that didn't seem like a powerful enough profanity." Fair enough.

"How long have you been trying?" I asked curiously. I had never personally needed to chat with the FBI, so, I had no clue what he was up against.

"Twenty minutes!" he complained, pinching the bridge of his unfortunately, glasses-less nose.

"Well that's your problem!" I exclaimed sarcastically, "you need to try for at least forty before you can expect results!"

I got a glare in response.

Was Edward stressed? Yes. Was I amused? Yes.

I quieted down when he sat up straighter and started to speak into the phone. "Hello, yes, this is Sergeant Edward Masen, 37th Infantry Brigade."

It was quiet enough in the house for me to hear the response on the other side of the line. "Special agent Taylor. What can I do for you, Sergeant?"

"What do you know about the mafia gang located in central Chicago?" Edward asked, all professional now. I leaned back and watched, completely interested.

Agent Taylor's voice became guarded. "That information is classified. What does this call concern?"

"Um, the mafia located in central Chicago," Edward answered, almost with a question. He gave me an incredulous look. I had to agree with him on this one.

"Exactly how much do you know about that investigation?" The agent asked cautiously.

Edward rolled his eyes, just irritated with everything evidently. In his defense the man he was talking to didn't exactly seem the best. "I'm thinking a hell of a lot more than you do."

"What your relation to the case?"

Edward nodded to himself, pleased to be getting somewhere. "I'm the recognized prince of the organization. Currently, dozens of people are trying to murder me." I listened as a large scoff met Edward's ear from the agent.

I didn't want to tell anyone how to do their job…but, FBI; listen to mob prince.

The scoff irritated Edward. I continued to observe his growing frustration. "I'm serious. I'm on leave right now from my deployment in Iraq. And in the past two days, five different people have tried to kill me."

"This is wasting my time, and tax payer's money," Agent Taylor chastised, and before Edward could protest we were both listening to a dial tone. So I'm thinking the guy didn't really believe him.

I could see the agent's side…Edward _could_ have phrased that a little better.

Edward tossed the phone onto the desk with a few…choice words…okay. Let's be honest, that boy was dropping the F bombs in some pretty creative ways.

I grinned as an idea popped into my head. "Well, I think it's pretty obvious who's going to be taking the lead in this investigation."

Edward's head fell back against the chair and he raised an exasperated eyebrow at me. "As long as she isn't 5'3, brown hair, excellent ass and brown eyes…I'm fine with it."

I rolled my eyes. "Excellent ass?" I looked down to where my butt was currently resting on his leg.

Edward looked at me like the answer was stupidly obvious, "Well," he gestured down at my ass and held his hands out in defense.

Eh. I could take a little ego stroking. I shrugged and continued with my original point, "Regardless. I'm just going to do a little poking around. See what the bastards are up to. Completely safe."

He stared at me, blinking once, probably judging how serious I was. "I-" he closed his mouth. "...I," he closed his mouth again and then he just gapped at me. "That's what you want to do in your spare time? Spy on some motherfuckers who love guns more than life and are currently trying to kill me? Jesus Bella! What all do you do when I'm gone?"

I sighed loudly and ignored his comments. "You realize I'm going to do it regardless?"

Edward closed his mouth and nodded in casual agreement before his face became resigned. "Fine, but if you get hurt I'm going to be so irrevocably pissed at you," he warned.

"And I can accept that," I gave him a half grin. He rolled his eyes. "So can I have a gun now?" I asked hopefully.

Edward's head fell back against the chair with an immediate groan. "Bella, sweet, sweet Bella."

"What?" I exclaimed, instantly exasperated with this argument.

"I love you to pieces, but you have an awful aim. It's a simple equation. Awful aim + gun = Edward getting shot," he explained with certainty.

I narrowed my eyes at his poor attempt at humor. "I do not have awful aim!" I protested stubbornly.

Edward smirked at me, "Babe, you couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat."

I glared wildly at him. "If I had a gun right now, shooting you would not be accidental. "

"Which is precisely why you do not have a gun," Edward retorted smugly. I glared even narrower at him.

"You annoy me," I said simply.

"And just think, two months from now, I'll be home for good and you'll get this everyday," he teased. I could tell we were both thrilled at the thought, however irritating he was.

I was getting really tired of dealing with everything by myself. So if my life turned as fast paced as it been yesterday, when Edward got back, I could live with it. Might end up killing someone. But I could live with it nevertheless.

"Two months, and then you're home," I almost smiled, had I not been so damn irritated.

Edward did grin. "For good."

* * *

_All that I'm after is a life full of laughter_  
_As long as I'm laughing with you_  
_I'm thinkin' that all that still matters is love ever after_  
_After the life we've been through_  
_'Cause I know there's no life after you_

_You and I, right or wrong, there's no other one_  
_After this time I spent alone_  
_It's hard to believe that a man with sight could be so blind_  
_Thinkin' 'bout the better times, must've been outta_  
Life After You, Daughtry

* * *

-Today, we acknowledge the anniversary of a tragic day in American history. Our world has never been the same since the terrorist attacks of 9/11. The loss was great...but the acts of heroism greater. I am honored to be part of this country, a country that stands together in the face of terror, united.  
-Today is also a day to remember all those who have laid down their life fighting for this country, and all of those still fighting. Osama Bin Laden may be dead...but the war continues. And it will not truly be over until every last one of our troops are home safely.

-On a lighter note...I'm surprised that only one of you guessed that Elliot was really just helping. To elaborate when Bella said something like "don't do it for money" or whatever, and Elliot said something like "there are things more important." he meant more important than money, like saving a man's life. To clarify. That's about all I got.


	42. Chapter 42

Our last goodbye. It had finally come. Today was the day I had to say goodbye to Edward just once more. I didn't know how I had made it through his deployment so far. But knowing that Edward would be flying out of Iraq for good in less than two months, made his departure so much easier on me.

In fact, I liked to think that I had actually gotten pretty good at the whole army girlfriend thing. I was proud of myself that I could handle his leaving and arriving better than a year ago. My calmness affected Edward as well, so our drive to the airport was actually fun.

It was déjà vu walking through the airport for the third time with Edward. The whole time, I just kept thinking that I had done this before. It felt like life was just repeating itself.

When Edward's flight boarding was called, we stood and hugged each other tightly. "I'll miss you snicker doodle," Edward murmured against the top of my head quietly.

"I'll miss you too," I said quietly against this uniformed chest, "and thanks for taking me to prom Sergeant," I said with a smirk as we pulled a little ways apart from each other. His arms hadn't fully released me, and for that I was glad. I never felt completely safe unless he was holding me.

"Yeah, and sorry again for the whole mafia king thing…" Edward trailed off, making a comical yet sheepish face to finish off his statement.

I shook my head while my eyes rolled, "God I love you Masen."

Edward grinned crookedly and pulled me back against his chest, holding me close. I clasped my hands together around him and held him back.

"Edward?" I mumbled quietly against him, not looking up.

"Mmm?" he hummed back in question.

I started out sheepishly, "If I asked you for something really nicely, do you think you'd do it?" I asked hopefully, still not looking up.

"Probably," he answered, nuzzling his nose against my hair tenderly.

"Can I have a gun?"

Even though I couldn't see anything other than his camouflage, I could tell he was rolling his eyes. "That's a negative," he replied without thought.

"So…no?" I checked, a little ambiguous at his choice of words.

I felt him nod. "That's an affirmative."

I sighed endearingly and pulled away from him, playfully narrowing my eyes. "Someone needs to get back to the desert."

"Maybe just a little bit…"

"Please don't get shot again," I said, giving him a pointed look. He smirked and nodded.

"And if I do, you'll be the first to know all the wonderful details of the ordeal," he promised with a chuckle.

"That's all I ask," I smiled. I leaned up on my toes to press my lips against his. He met my lips with his and gave me a kiss filled with a desire and promise that made my toes curl.

"Stay safe yourself babe," he said serious after we broke apart. I nodded. "Don't do anything Jesus wouldn't do."

"Well actually I was going to use Emmett as the standard," I replied, partially serious. Don't do anything Emmett wouldn't.

Seemed perfectly reasonable to me.

"No," Edward said firmly, completely serious, shaking his head. "Jesus."

"I don't think Jesus would have approved of our little excursion last night," I disagreed, teasingly. Edward just sighed, exasperated.

"Goodbye dear," he said, shaking his head. I giggled quietly as he winked at me.

"See you soon," I smiled. I pressed my lips once more against his while his flight was being called. Regretfully, we broke apart once more and he turned and started to walk towards the boarding door.

I stayed frozen in my spot as he walked away. Right before he handed the attendant his boarding pass he turned back to me, his face nowhere near happy. Edward put up a good front. He was better at staying strong for me than I was for him. But every so often I could see how he truly felt. As I looked upon his sad face, I gave him a half hearted smile and nod. With shoulders sagging he nodded back and gave me his own sad smile before turning and boarding the plane.

I knew the absolute only reason I was keeping it together was because of the amount of time he would be gone. If he would be going off for a year, there was no way I would be able to handle it in any way other than how I did last time. But this time, this was the last time I would have to watch him board a plane to Iraq. I didn't have to do it anymore. And that was sole reason I was able to walk out of that airport with only a few tears threatening to spill over.

This time around, I knew I had support. Rose was in the same boat as me, having Emmett just left as home and always knew the right thing to say. And Carlisle and Esme did the best they could. Last time, I wasn't sure how they would react, but this time, I knew that I had nothing but love, support and understanding from them.

I was sad when he left. No matter how long it felt like I had been doing this, it wouldn't take aawy the sorrow of watching him leave. But this time around, I had the whole weekend ahead of me, and I had a mission.

The FBI didn't plan on helping Edward with the whole mob gunning for him thing. I decided that it wouldn't hurt if I was a little more aware of the guys trying to kill my boyfriend. Edward had said that some of them had probably embedded themselves into my city, and it freaked me out that I had been so oblivious to this. I wanted to know where they were and where I would be watched.

I didn't really have much of a plan. I was actually planning on winging it. I hoped that all of them intended on receiving their full billion and weren't willing to change their minds on me.

After I got home from the airport I sat around the house for all of 14 minutes before I grew restless. I wanted to know who the hell was following me and what they knew about me.

I got in my truck and pulled up the driveway and into the street. I kept shifting my gaze to the rearview mirror. I had accepted that I was paranoid. So, I didn't really feel crazy as I looked in the mirror.

Five minutes into my drive, I noticed that a silver car had passed several turns and was steadily following me. Alert, I took a turn at a stop light, and waited for him to continue to go straight. When he turned as well, I was pretty convinced this was one of the guys. His windows were dark but through the mirror I could make out some of his features. He was a man wearing a dress shirt. He was young with slicked back black hair and nicely groomed features. But what I noticed most was that his eyes were locked straight ahead, on my truck.

Physically turning I checked to see if someone was next to me before switching lanes. He followed. I didn't know what the hell I was doing. There was a dirt road coming up, so I signaled my blinker. He did the same.

I didn't have a plan. I don't know why I practically invited the man to come and kill me. I wasn't sure what the hell I was going to do when the dirt road ended. All I knew was that, by an act unknowably intentional or not, Edward had left a small black head gun tucked under my seat.

I slowed down the car and moved to turn sideways so that I was blocking the road. I pressed down on the brakes as the guy slowed his car down as well. I unrolled my window while he turned his car opposite of mine. My heart was pounding and my fingers were strumming as he unrolled his window next to mine.

I found that I was thoroughly annoyed by the arrogant smirk on his face.

"What are you doing?" I demanded, sitting up straighter and narrowing my eyes. I knew I couldn't pass as menacing or threatening. But I sure as hell could be a pissed off woman, and I hoped that itself was frightening.

"What are you doing?" he smirked. I noticed that I had been right, he was dressed very nice. The inside of his car that I could see looked very expensive. I had quite the nice vantage point since my truck was a good amount taller than his car.

He kind of looked like Orlando Bloom.

I was pissed at this man. I was unthinkably angry. Because men like him had been trying to kill Edward for the past five months. "Can we cut the shit? I know you were following me. Who you want isn't even here."

This seemed to amuse the guy. He chuckled, shaking his head and then grinned at me. I continued to glare. "I know Masen's gone. His flight left at 1:12."

My mouth almost fell open. But then again I wasn't really surprised that they had done their stalking so thoroughly. I was again, just angry at their insolence. "So why bother following me?" These questions weren't helping me. I needed a better plan.

"Is this really the first time you've noticed me? I had given you more credit. Especially after the high heel incident," he laughed again, truly amused. I raised an eyebrow, slightly insulted.

But beyond that, I was disturbed. The first time I noticed him? How many times had he been following me? I thought back to the past few months, trying to remember anything different happening.

"God," I griped, irritated and freaked out, "what the hell do you want? What do you think you're going to be able to get from me?"

The guy thought my questions were funny. "I'm much smarter than those dumbasses that your boyfriend shot on your prom night."

I made a confused face as I ran the words through my head again. "Great answer," I congratulated, poisonously sarcastic.

Orlando-looking guy sighed. "Look," he sighed, looking at me, probably trying to convey peace or surrender, "your boyfriends worth quite the amount of cash these days. If you feel the need, I'll dish out a few million of the reward for your help. We could meet some time and...talk."

I blinked. I couldn't even fathom appropriate words to say. Looking at his inviting held out hands, I knew he was completely serious in his offer. I was absolutely repulsed by what he was suggesting. "Cool." I said angrily. I said it in only the way a pissed girl could.

He frowned at my response and looked disturbingly meaningful, "If you change your mind, I'll be around."

I debated on telling him to fuck off. But in the end, I just punched the accelerator and made a large circle around his car before speeding off down the road. My tires made dust fly up as I got the hell out of there, unsure of what I was doing, or had done.

The next few days, I thought about the exchange I had had with the guy. I didn't tell Rose or Alice about what had happened, and I didn't mention it to Edward when I called him.

My conversation with the man had freaked me out. What Edward had said about the mobs guys was true. They had been in my life for awhile. But I had been so distracted by Edward and Alice that I had been paying no attention whatsoever to my surroundings. The more I thought back on it, I realized how easy it would be for them to be watching me, and know stuff about me. I was more and more glad that Edward had insisted Carlisle install the best security systems available.

The weird thing about being followed, and knowing I was being followed, is that I was never really scared for my life. Elliot still hung around me, just like Edward had told him to. He was in almost all my classes and always walked with Rose and I to my truck at the end of the day. I knew he was still packing heat. It went without saying after prom night. Neither of us mentioned the incident, and I felt guilty about that.

When I was home Carlisle was in a very alpha male persona. He protected the family. The alarm system helped too. Plus, Alice was a trained soldier. How can you go wrong with that?

The mafia men didn't want to kill me. They probably even wanted an alliance with me, helping them kill Edward. They all wanted their full billion dollars and not a penny less. I wasn't worth the kill. I knew it was irrational, and I still was freaked out by the stalking thing, but I was never really scared. Besides…I had a gun in my truck. If someone tried to attack me, then I'd have not a problem using it.

I couldn't tell you why I was so strangely accepting of the mafia thing. I should have been scared as shit. I shouldn't have been so nonchalant about it. But if Edward was able to be calm about it, or at least somewhat, then I was going to do the same. I didn't have the answers I wanted, I didn't know for a fact that they wouldn't kill me. And looking back, I don't why I was so careless with my life. I was just on a quest for any type of answers.

This thinking is the reason that I was currently following a mafia guy. I had convinced Rosalie to switch cars with me after school. Somehow, I also convinced her to drive to my house and pull in the garage with my truck. She called me "fucking insane," but agreed because she wanted to see Alice.

I hoped I was being watched at school as well. A strange, fucking statement, but true in my case. So when Rosalie bolted out of the parking lot in my car, I slipped into hers and pulled out of the parking lot. A Mercedes slid into the lane behind hers slyly. I nodded to myself with satisfaction as I let a few cars get between me and the shiny little black car.

A few minutes later, Rose was pulling my truck all the way into the garage. There was still one car between me and the black one that continued down the street. My hope was that he would lead me to where any of them were currently living.

I grew more and more confused as he drove out of town. I slowed farther back, just to make sure he didn't know I was following him. After about two minutes his blinker turned on and he turned down a road that led to an abandoned gas station. My eyebrows furrowed.

I waited until he had turned before parking the car behind some trees. I had thought to grab the gun out of the truck, and Esme's fancy camera. I put both of them in my backpack and got out the car and started to walk to the gas station. There were a bunch of various trees and shrubbery scattered around that gave me plenty of cover leave myself undetected.

The gas station had closed a few years ago, because there was no real point to it. The road it was on went for a long time and led to many farms. It was very much a rural station that was unneeded. After it closed, somebody bought it and started construction on it. They took out the gas pumps and awning used to cover it before the construction stopped.

I only walked for about five minutes before I found a good vantage point. I was across the road from the station, a dirt road in between. I plopped down onto the ground, well covered my several trees and overgrown bushes. The bushes had grown together from the sides, but where two met there was a gapping hole in between. There was a perfect view of the station.

Since I was already missing golf practice, I decided to make myself comfortable. I laid down on my stomach in the grass and took out Esme's camera. It was one of those $500 ones with the long lenses and excellent zoom. I turned it on and got ready to snap a picture with zoom of whoever got out of the black car.

There were a lot of men that came and went in the next three hours. I mean literally, I saw all of the men I had had encounters with. First I saw the one exotic man who I had seen at church on Christmas Eve and seen at the gas station taking pictures. I snapped quite a few pictures of the car he was in and him himself. Then I saw the Mark who had spoken to me when Alice was getting a sonogram months ago. When he left the man Al with the creepy nose from October showed up. He had two other guys with him. From the looks of it, he was a head honcho. And finally, the man who I had spoken to a few days before.

All of the strange encounters with guys I had had over the past few months were flashing through my mind as I saw all of the guys coming and going. I snapped pictures of all of their cars as well as them.

Unfortunately, I had no clue what they were doing inside of the gas station. I was growing more and more frustrated. I mean sure, I had pictures of over a dozen men who were trying to kill Edward, but really, what good is that? I needed to hear something, just anything.

Finally a little after 5 pm, Orlando guy, exotic guy, and one other blonde guy -that looked more like a model than a mafia man- who I had never seen before all came out together. The blonde one had parked his car on my side of the street, only about five yards away from me. I snapped a few pictures of them coming towards me before I went silent. The three of them all started to walk towards his car. My heart started to pound against the ground as my hand went to finger the cold gun lying next to me.

"I went up to their lake home yesterday, wasn't too hard to find," Orlando informed the two of them. Blondie jumped to perch on the hood of his car, while Exotic leaned against the door and Orlando stood in front of them. Like the rest of the men, they were dressed like they belonged on Main Street.

Of course I realized they were talking about my cabin. Was I annoyed? Yes. Was I creeped out? Yes. But then again, it made sense.

"How're the locks there?" Exotic asked, completely business.

"I did some poking around, nothing serious. But they're definitely new. Masen must've been there at some point. There might be a security system; wouldn't surprise me," Orlando shrugged. I knew for a fact that there was no security system.

Blondie nodded thoughtfully, looking pretty pleased with this information. "That'll be useful when Masen gets back. It'd be easier if we could perform the hit there, so many more opportunities, and less implications since it's a different town."

Exotic and Orlando nodded in agreement. They were so casual speaking about Edward's planned demise. It was making me literally sick. "Why don't we just rig the jet ski? Set it off with some explosives or something. That'd do the trick and leave us completely unscratched," Blondie suggested. That man was just a douche.

"And if Swan gets on it? I mean, they are hers." Orlando asked, rolling his eyes at the suggestion. Well, at least not all mob men were that dense. Just most.

I was glad that they were having this conversation at just the right angle from me. I could see them all perfectly, but I was so low on the ground that they weren't able to see me. And I heard them perfectly. Finally I was able to get feel for what their conversations sounded like. Don't get me wrong, I was disgusted with it.

When Orlando didn't have a response for Blondie, he continued on, "If the 4th comes around and Masen is still alive, I won't even care if we take out the girl. Half a bil is better than nothing at all." Glad they practiced common sense.

"Not when you have to split it by three," Exotic complained, shifting his weight so that his elbow was on the top of the car and he was leaning against it.

Orlando groaned. He leaned back on a car a few feet away from the other two. "I told you; we're not an alliance. They're not fucking allowed."

"Is anything we do allowed?" Blondie asked rhetorically. The three of them laughed at the thought.

"From what I saw," Orlando said after their weird laughing fit died down, "the lake is the best place. I'll probably go up tomorrow again. I'll let you know what I find." Exotic and Blondie nodded in acknowledgment.

What really bothered me was that these guys looked so normal. They didn't look like bad guys. Blondie and Orlando were actually kind of cute. They looked like guys in their mid twenties, maybe newly married, that should be working in a bank or a law firm. I would never peg them as killers. But they clearly were, and it frightened me that people who looked so innocent were plotting my boyfriend's murder as if they were talking about college football.

Blondie sighed and shook his head wistfully, "It would be the perfect ambush if I could get physically in there. Masen could walk in the door, ready for a weekend at the lake, and I could just shoot the gun and end this."

And suddenly, I didn't feel the weird safeness. I wasn't above being scared. I wasn't nonchalant. I was scared shitless. Hearing these men talk, planning a murder so casually and so confidently of someone I love, it made me snap. It instilled so much fear in me that my hand literally started to shake. I had finally come to terms with what was in front of me.

This wasn't a game. Dozens of men wanted Edward dead. And when he got home in June, they'd be waiting.

* * *

_I can't win, I can't wait_  
_I will never win this game without you, without you_  
_I am lost, I am vain,_  
_I will never be the same without you, without you_

_I won't love, I won't love_  
_I will never make it past without you, without you_  
_I can't rest, I can't lie_  
_All I need is you and I, without you_  
Without You, Usher & David Guetta

* * *

-Not entirely happy with this chapter...but you deserve something posted, so here it is! I think I'll update again tomorrow (but you all know by now not to hold me to that...)  
-Between sports, my friend's sports, Friday night football games and homework (LOTS) I haven't been able to be around much. I'm still alive and if you want to get a hold of me, you should try my Twitter (2carm2carm2) because I tend to check that more often.

-Thanks for sticking with me!


	43. Chapter 43

"Please hold."

No. I don't want to hold. Bitch.

I was beginning to grow very pissed off at the FBI. When Edward had tried to get in touch with an agent for some help on the whole mob thing and was frustrated, I had thought he was just overreacting. But in reality, after fifteen minutes of trying, I had been put on hold four different times. I now understood how he had felt so murderously frustrated.

Golf season was in full swing, with meets almost every other day. We had a two and a half hour bus ride to a golf course for a meet. Fortunately, we had gotten a coach bus, so I was able to have a phone conversation. The night before, I had been online, trying to find a number I could call, knowing that I had a long bus ride ahead of me.

Rosalie was sitting in the pair of two seats diagonal to me, and Brenner was occupying the two seats to my side. They were both completely oblivious to my growing annoyance. They were actually having a conversation which Rosalie seemed very interested in. Their topic? Ideal vacation spots. _Thanks Rose._

I huffed and let my head fall back against the seat, glancing over at the two of them. Brenner was raising an eyebrow, and Rose was raising a very high eyebrow.

"What?" I asked defensively.

"Don't hurt yourself over there Swan. I know how hard thinking is for you," Brenner mocked. I glared, he glared mockingly back. I debated on flipping him off or not and the consequences. I shrugged and was about to do so, but Rose distracted him.

"What about Italy?"

After three minutes of extensive finger strumming, the shitty elevator music finally ceased and a human voice picked up. "How may I help you?" an uninterested monotone asked me, probably not caring in the least what she could do to help me.

I eyed Rose and Brenner to make sure they were still thoroughly immersed in the Vatican discussion. They were. Looking back out the window I spoke into my phone, "I would like to speak with agent leading the Carlin murder case."

As a turns out, five dead bodies with gun holes, don't go unnoticed. Brody Carlin was found dead in an alley with two gun shots in the chest, the local news informed us. I recognized the face and date of death as soon as the anchor reported it. It was everything I could do not to gasp when they showed the drivers license.

They showed the report two days ago. This was two days after my snooping at the abandoned gas station and my realization that I probably could die in the next few months. Edward has only been gone a week and a half. I found the short article on the Fox news page and emailed Edward the link, wondering what the hell I was supposed to do.

But that's not the strange part. There had been four more dead bodies in that alley …so why wasn't there an investigation on their deaths? I was completely baffled by this. Why only the one? A few different scenarios had ran through my head, but none of them really made sense. For example, maybe the stalking mob guys had grabbed four the bodies to keep implications away from themselves. But I didn't really have a reason why they didn't grab the fifth.

Anyhow, our local police department has already given up on the case. They gave it their best shot. I mean they must've worked on that for almost two weeks.

It was a good run.

So, they sent the case into the FBI's homicide department, not knowing what else to do. I figured I should talk to the agent that is leading the investigation. I had to be careful not to implicate Edward or Elliot for well…actually doing the killing. I had a feeling I was breaking a couple laws there.

"Please hold," the woman told me. And then…the fucking elevator music. I groaned.

By the time I was patched through to the agent, Rose and Brenner had moved on to Australia. I had no idea why Rosalie suddenly had piqued interest with world travel. She was probably just bored. I also had no idea how Brenner managed to travel as much as he did; the man was a high school teacher.

"Special Agent Booth," a masculine nice voice answered. Probably a military man. I had learned that any guy, or girl, even Alice who has been in the army answer the phone with a sense of noticeable dignity about them.

"Hi, I'm calling in regards to the Carlin case," I informed him, trying to sound twenty, verses twelve.

"Whatcha got for me?" he asked clearly interested. I was so relieved that he was going to listen. That hadn't been _that_ hard.

So for the next three minutes straight, I told him as much as I could about the mob thing, and deaths that had occurred without mentioning Edward, myself, or Elliot, or even where I lived. I'm sure he could trace my call effortlessly though. I told him what I knew about Brody, which was exceedingly limited. And I ended with the whole man hunt thing. I managed to this without attracting anyone on the buses attention.

"The Chicago mafia hunt isn't my department, have you tried to get in touch with that section of the FBI yet? I can look up that agent heading the investigation for you." Agent Booth asked, patient, yet I could tell my words were heavy on his mind.

Deciding to prove that I wasn't a prank call, I racked my mind for the name of the man Edward had talked to. "Agent Taylor hung up on the call."

"I've been looking into that case myself. Taylor, well, I'm not entirely surprised…" Knew he was an asshole… The agent continued after a second, strangely not accusing, "You know who killed Carlin, don't you." It wasn't even a question.

I didn't say anything. I had watched enough Law and Order to know that my mouth could get me in some serious trouble if I didn't become more discreet.

"Alright," he sighed, "look, I've already concluded that Carlin was part of that mob. Those are some pretty notorious guys. I'm sure he was his own fault in his death. I can work out immunity for you and whoever you're protecting if you help me out on this mob case."

I watched the window as the trees flew past me thoughtlessly. This agent seemed like a good guy who could help me, and help Edward. Essentially, this had been what Edward had been calling for in the first place. I just wasn't sure if Edward would be able to get away with the killing he did. He was acting purely in defense, he did not shoot first. He was just a better shot. I decided that I would take the agent up on his offer, but I would do anything, and say anything to protect Edward.

"Did Carlin shoot before he was shot at?" Agent Booth asked slowly, and somewhat intensely. I let out a quiet breath, hoping I knew what I was doing.

"Several times," I replied, thinking back to my prom night. Several times seemed generously inaccurate. But then again, I did throw a show at the man.

"That's all I need to know for now. I've got a mafia to bring down." The agent gave me his number and email address. He wanted me to download the pictures I had taken and send them to him at the FBI for further reference. I didn't really need to give him my number, I was pretty sure he had it. And with that I finally hung up on the phone.

I was helping the FBI bring down the mafia that had really fucked up my boyfriend's life and still were. I think that qualified me as girlfriend of the year.

Or at least a solid 2nd place.

oOo

May 15th.

Last year, the date held no significance. There were no great disasters, no birthdays of anyone special I knew; no milestones in my life. Nothing. It was just another day. But not anymore.

May 15th was Alice's due date.

I sighed as knocked on Alice's door. I had just gotten home from school and she had been on my thoughts all day. It was just a sad thought. Today was supposed to have been a happy day. It hurt to think about what was supposed to have happened. There should have been a little baby boy in Alice's arms today.

Time had flown by for me since Alice's miscarriage. I knew that sounded selfish, but I had been dealing with a hell of a lot of shit since then. Therefore, I wasn't sure what to say to her. I knew I was a poor substitute for who she really wanted home from Iraq.

"Come in," Alice's muffled voice called softly. Tentatively I pushed the door open and peaked my head in the room. Alice was perched on the head of her bed by the pillows, looking out the sunny window. She turned her head when I slipped in and gave me a sad smile. I padded across the carpet to where she was and quietly sat down on the ground in front of her.

I said nothing as she went back to staring out the window. My eyes wandered to her lap where she had an unmarked book. It was just one you could find at a book store, full of blank pages. It was brown with a light blue opaque bird design on it.

"What's that?" I asked softly, unable to attain my curiosity. Alice's eyes moved from the window and followed by gaze down to the book.

She sighed quietly and touched the book lightly. "When I found out I was pregnant, I started writing to the baby. You know, so he could read it one day."

I nodded understandingly, not knowing what to say. It was a beautiful idea. Alice gave me another sad smile. "It's so weird. I never wanted to be pregnant at 21. I didn't want kids so early. But now," she sighed sadly, "I'd give anything to meet my son."

This was supposed to have been a happy time for Alice. Jasper would be coming home in a month, and she was supposed to have had a beautiful baby boy to welcome him with. I could picture in my mind so clearly what should have happened. But when I did that, I just got angry, angry that it was only my imagination.

"I think we all would," I said softly. I had been so looking forward to seeing everyone with a baby, especially Edward and Emmett with a new nephew. I almost smiled at the thought of Edward with a baby in his arms.

Alice remained silent for a few minutes. We both just stared out the window. The occasional few cars passed on the street. Two black birds flew through the sky. Clouds passed us by. Life was going on.

"We were going to name him Riley," she announced quietly.

Through the melancholy, I smiled. Riley Whitlock. "He would have been the most spoiled little boy in the world," I told her. God, he would have been such a cutie pie. My heart ached for Alice and Jasper and their incomplete family.

Alice almost smiled too, "I know." I watched as her eyes ghosted over, imagining what should have been. I wished there was something I could do for her. I wished I knew what to say.

I cleared my throat. "He was so loved. From the minute we saw that pregnancy test, he was loved. He was loved by everybody in this house hold, and he was loved all the way from Iraq. That baby had more love then some people ever do."

And finally, after over two months, I knew I had said the right thing.

Alice looked down over at me and smiled. She closed her eyes and smiled, nodding in agreement. "He was," she affirmed in a whisper. "I just wish Jasper would have gotten a chance to meet him and feel him kick."

"God you guys what have been the most adorable family ever," I sighed, shaking my head in joking envy. Then to my surprise Alice giggled.

"We're both terrified of babies," she chuckled and then smirked. I raised an eyebrow, partially because of the statement, but mostly because of how well Alice was handling this. If she's not the strongest person I've ever met, I didn't know who was.

"Really?" I asked, surprised. Alice seemed like a baby person…but then again, I thought back to her terrified state of finding out she was pregnant.

"Yeah, I mean they're cute, but they're so breakable! I've never really been around babies in my life, but I have a fear I'll drop one if I hold it!" she told me conspiringly. This was most emotion I had seen from Alice in a long time.

"And they're loud…" I trailed off, shuddering at some of my worse babysitting jobs.

Alice nodded vigorously, "And gross! I'm sure when it's yours you don't think so, but they just are kinda messy."

Laughing I fell back against the plush carpet, "It's going to be hilarious to watch you two have another baby." I was going to say become parents, but then I realized that her and Jasper already were parents. They had become parents the day Riley had been conceived.

"Eh, I think Emmett and Rose will be so much more fun," she smirked, shaking her head with a smile. No one had ever made a greater point.

"Are they dating?" I had always just assumed they were…something. I mean when Emmett left last summer Rose had only been 17, and he had been 23. I know they hadn't done anything, and if they would have done something over prom week, Rose would have told me. Come to think of it, I didn't even think Rose knew what they were.

Alice shrugged and gave me an incredulous, really? Like I'd know, look, "I don't know. I do know that Emmett would do anything for her."

I smiled, happy that Emmett was just a good guy. I couldn't have designed a better guy for Rose. "I'm glad; it'll be good when they get back."

"Oh my God, I know," Alice agreed. She moved the book off of her lap and slid off the bed so that she was on carpet, lying on her back diagonal to me. It was still weird watching her move so easily. I still felt like she should be waddling around. It made me sad, but I pushed the thought away.

"You know…" Alice started, looking over at me with a genuine, amazing smile, "the baby's full name was Riley Edward Whitlock."

oOo

"Shot gun!" I declared to everyone, and didn't wait for a response. I darted to the front of the van at the passenger seat and stood by it protectively.

"What!" Rose exclaimed, annoyed, "I so called that yesterday! You got to ride in front last time!" she complained. The other four girls had shrugged and were already walking to their respective places by the van. It was one of those standard vans that most school districts had. It had two rows of seats not including the driver and passenger. I hated being in the two back rows and since Rose and I were the captains, we usually got the front.

"Did not!" I disagreed as Brenner unlocked the van. I darted into the seat before Rosalie could say anything else.

"I did! Brenner even heard me," she whined as she got in to row of seats behind me. Usually we took buses to meets with a few other schools, but sometimes that didn't work with the other schools, so we had to take vans.

Rose looked over at Brenner for help as he slid into the driver's seat. He help is hands out innocently and shook his head. "I heard nothing."

Rosalie huffed and glared at him through the rearview mirror. She buckled her seat belt and crossed her arms in annoyance. The little 7th grader sitting next to her looked mildly offended.

Brenner rolled his eyes and addressed her through the mirror, "Oh come on! You mess with the radio. I don't want to listen to Carrie Underwear or Brad Poosley for a whole hour again. I'm taking my chances with Swan." Rose just glared, knowing he had said _underwear_ and _poosley_ just to spite her. He chuckled as he turned on the vehicle, and I smirked smugly.

I dug out my notebook that had my valedictorian speech in it from my back pack and tucked my feet under me. Through the course of events, I had somehow ended up the class's valedictorian. I guess it was because my final grades of last semester had been all A's, and all teachers loved me…no seriously. I was _that_ kid.

Anyway, now I was saddled with writing a speech that I was currently failing at. Last night I had typed what I had so far into an email and sent it to Edward. The subject of the email? _Help Me With This Goddamn Stupid Speech_. I wasn't exactly Martin Luther King Jr. I wasn't the best at speech writing. I had no problem presenting a speech, I had been on the speech team, and usually I was a pretty creative writer but so far I had shit.

About ten minutes into our drive to the golf course, my cell phone started to ring. I dug it out of my backpack anxiously as Brenner mocked my ring tone. I'll admit…Blondie's _Call Me_, wasn't exactly the best choice. But at the time I had found it pretty clever.

I beamed when I saw that it was Edward. He must have just finished dinner.

"Hi," I smiled into the phone.

Edward chuckled at my chipper voice, "Morning snicker doddle."

We chatted for a few minutes about nothing consequential. He asked how Alice handled the due date a couple days ago, and I told him it was better than I expected. I had to give Alice credit; she had come at lot farther than I had originally thought. She was back to being Alice. I was so glad. I didn't tell Edward that the Whitlock baby had his name; I think Alice or Jasper wanted to someday.

"Well what did you think about my speech?" I asked Edward after a couple minutes.

We had come to an accident on the high way, so traffic was moving about three miles per hour. During my catching up with Edward, Brenner had been glancing over to my notebook and reading my speech. I was totally oblivious, until he decided to make his opinion know.

"Give me that," Brenner demanded, and before I could stop him he reached over and plucked the phone out of my hand and brought it to his own ear. I watched, both annoyed and amused.

"Please tell me you won't lie and say that is a decent speech." Brenner looked over and gave me a pointed, teasing look. I glared.

Edward said something back and Brenner nodded, and a smirk on his face. "Good man," he affirmed to Edward. I held my hand out for the phone, not amused. With a chuckle, Brenner handed me back my cell phone.

"Is it that bad?" I asked Edward rhetorically as soon as the phone was against my ear again. Brenner nodded. I stuck my tongue out.

"Well…" Edward trailed off. I sighed.

"What am I supposed to say? Do people even take these things seriously?" This was one of those times where I was glad that Edward was older than me.

"Not yours…" Brenner muttered under his breath. I smacked his arm.

Edward answered, oblivious to my annoying golf coach. "You'd be surprised, people actually rather sentimental at graduation speeches."

I groaned. Edward laughed at my misery with sympathy, "Just maybe, lay off on the metaphors a little bit…" he suggested.

"Which one is bad?" I asked curiously, I looked down at the notebook page and skimmed over what I had written.

"_The flame of kindness that has been kindled from the years at this school and has ignited the candle that is our heart, must never be extinguished_," Brenner quoted word for word, using a high pitched voice, probably supposed to sound like mine. I glared murderously as Edward laughed on the other line, having heard Brenner's imitation.

"Well…that one's a little rough," Edward said through his poorly stifled chuckles.

I sighed, "Well what should I take out of it?"

"All of it," Brenner and Edward both answered immediately. I exasperatedly pursed my lips. I looked over at Brenner, raising an eyebrow. He held up a hand in defense. He was done now.

Edward got in control of his poorly hidden amusement and said seriously, "Look babe, I know you're an amazing writer. Don't try and do a huge dramatic speech. You're not a politician. Just try and write something about moving on, and going on out into life. But _please_, please don't use a bird hatching analogy."

As Edward said it, I already formed some ideas into my head. I could do it.

I lowered my voice to make sure Brenner was overhearing the conversation. Without missing a beat, he started a conversation with Rosalie about her college, giving me some privacy. "I miss you. It feels like years since you were here, even though it was just two weeks ago."

"I know Bella, believe I know. I miss every little thing about you. I want to go back to the lake just as much as you do. I want to see your face lit up in the sun. I've never seen you happier than you were there," he said quietly, with fierce passion and longing back for the days we were together last summer.

I felt slightly better once he said is words, but my stomach still knotted. I was never even physically alright unless he was home. I propped my elbow on the arm rest by the window and let my chin fall into my hand as I stared out the window. "I wish you were here," I sighed. I could see so clearly the image of us spinning around on the jet ski, I remember exactly the way his chest felt as I held onto to him tightly. I can remember his actual laugh –not the way it sounded over the phone- as I yelped.

I shook my head, just tired. I was tired of being the army girlfriend. I was tired of only hearing his voice, or occasionally seeing him on a web cam. I wanted him home _God dammit_. "You're so, _so_ far way. I hate that the only thing we have in common about where you are is the stars," I said miserably.

"I know, it feels like we're worlds apart," he sighed, just as done with this as I was. I heard his love in his voice as he went on to tell me, "I miss the year that has gone by without you. I've missed so much of your life, and I hate it." His frustration was just as evident as mine, but beneath that, I heard determined dedication.

I remembered back to last July when Edward had sent me the letter 18 days after our first time. I had memorized one particular thing that he had written because it had just given me so much hope. "_I promise you I'll work ten times harder than any other man does in a relationship just so we can have a chance to live a happy, normal life together." _We were so, so close to it.

"Bella?" he asked after a second. His breathing had gotten harsh from his fierce declaration, but now his voice level.

"I promise that we are going to have a perfect summer under the stars. And we'll be under them together," he promised, determined. I half smiled.

I knew Edward promised in the best of his ability. We both knew that he was promising with crossed fingers. I wished more than anything just to have him safely back with me for good. And I hoped the mafia wasn't going to compromise that.

But more than that, I hoped that the army wouldn't make him break his promise to me.

* * *

_So far away from where you are_  
_These miles have torn us worlds apart_  
_And I miss you, yeah I miss you_  
_So far away from where you are_  
_I'm standing underneath the stars_  
_And I wish you were here_

_I miss the years that were erased_  
_I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face_  
_I miss all the little things_  
_I never thought that they'd mean everything to me_  
_Yeah I miss you_  
_And I wish you were here_

_I feel the beating of your heart_  
_I see the shadows of your face_  
_Just know that wherever you are_  
_Yeah, I miss you_  
_And I wish you were here_  
From Where You Are, Lifehouse

* * *

-This is personally one of my favorite chapters. I'm not entirely sure why, but I happen to like it. I think it's because I miss my Brenner and I want an Edward; I'm jealous of a character, which shows you where my life is currently(;  
-Agent Booth is from _Bones. _This isn't a crossover, I just love the man. Another reason to be jealous of Bella. Damn.  
-A few chapters ago, when I announced my most likely end of fanfiction, I got the most AMAZING responses. And I just can't thank you all enough. I was reading them last night and I have never felt so encouraged in my life. Thank you so much for giving me the confidence and courage to do what I love.


	44. Chapter 44

The past month had fortunately for me, flew by. I had golf meets almost every other day, Edward still keeping me preoccupied, speech writing and more mob snooping. And somehow, that had all gone by in the blink of an eye. I had graduated from high school and only had two things left. State championships for golf, and Edward's return.

I had been the number 1 player in the state all of the season, and I was expected to dominate the tournament. As I looked around the course at the teams scattered around, and then my own team, I felt sadness.

I hated change.

I had only been out of school for a week, and I was already missing all my classmates. I was never going to see all of them on a regular school day again. And I was now at my last golf meet. I would never play in the high school conference anymore. Brenner would never be my coach again. I would never feel the awesome excitement I had to start playing and win, again.

I looked around the golf course, seeing the environment I loved to be in. My thoughts were thousands of miles away as the conference coordinator gave us a refresher of rules. Her voice droned on endlessly, saying stuff I had heard every meet since freshmen year. Rose stood next to me, her golf bag hanging on her shoulders, wearing a black skirt and light blue shirt. She kept shifting her weight, bored.

As the woman continued to talk, I turned around and looked at the crowd of parents, and other family and friends who wanted to watch our rounds. Ignoring Rose's pointed throat clearing at my obvious ignoring of the lady, I scanned the crowd. My eyes finally landed on Carlisle and Esme's. They were standing there in a quiet conversation with Rose's mom Cam. I sighed and turned back to the speech.

It seemed like just yesterday I had been hearing this speech, but Edward had been standing next to Carlisle. I couldn't even fathom that a whole year had gone by since then. I wished more than anything that he was home. I knew that I would finally see Edward in just a week, but that didn't make me miss him any less. I was just as frustrated as he was that he was missing so much of my life. As the woman continued about integrity, I thought back to the letter I had gotten the morning of my graduation.

_Dear Bella,_

_I had thought that when picking up a pen and sitting down to write you a letter again, it would be weird and I'd have trouble getting back into it. As I write this I find that I was wrong. Writing letters to you is the most natural thing in the world for me._

_By the time you get this, you might even be a graduate of high school. If you haven't yet received your diploma; relax. I know you. You're probably having a freak out about your speech. There's no need. I know you'll just kill up there. I mean really, you kick ass at absolutely everything you ever do, why would being a valedictorian be any different?_

_I know you know how much I want to be there and actually see it. And believe me babe, if I could, I'd be on a plane in a heart beat. But here's the thing I love about you, you're able to go on and be strong without me. You're such a strong woman. I'm so proud of you._

_Do me a favor, today (if today is your graduation at least,) when you get up onto that stage ready to do your speech. Look out at all of our classmates. Look at your friends and your teachers that you've had for the past four years. Whether you think of it this way or not, these people were such a big help to you. By giving mindless distractions to you throughout the years, they've unknowingly taken your mind off of all the crap that you've had to put up with. You could've done it without them, there's not a doubt in my mind. But I feel nothing but gratitude for these people who've been there for you when I wasn't._

_It's weird isn't it, getting ready for your life to change? You will no longer be in high school with those people, and you might never see them again. I understand it. As I write this, sitting down in the rec. room, I look around to all of my soldiers, and Jasper's, and Emmett's. In a few weeks we won't be here any longer. And when we touch down in the US, nothing is going to be the same. I don't know if I'll ever see any of my guys again. I don't know if they're going to go back to war, and how they'll fare if they do. These men and women have been my family for the past three years. I don't know how I'll adjust to not being with them after my enlistment is up._

_But as I look around the room at my brothers, I can't help but feel a sense of peace. They're going to go on with their lives, and we're going to remember our time in Iraq where we absolutely had to all trust each other and protect one another's backs. I'm not dreading our farewell. It won't be easy, but I've had to do much harder things in my life. Saying goodbye to you last summer and leaving you in the airport was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. In the plane after take off I went into the bathroom and cried. I haven't cried since I was 16. And in the air, flying away from you, I just broke down._

_Saying goodbye to my squad isn't something I want to do. But when I look at them…I can't help but make one comparison…they're not Bella. I'll miss them, but being with you is all that I want. I don't want this rootless existence with my life only living for the United States government. That was my life before you sent me that first letter. But now, I only live for you._

_God, I still remember getting your letter like it was yesterday, and yes, I am laughing as I write this. I was in the very spot where I write this when I read it. I still have your letters actually, all of them. I had never been more surprised from mail. I looked the envelope for like 10 minutes, trying to remember a "Bella Swan." I still can't believe you asked me if I liked Christina Angulaira! You were the most random girl I had ever met. I thought you were cute from the moment I finished your letter. I guess that's why I think I called you…what was it…a smiley girl? Over the past year, I've learned that I was nothing but accurate in that first assumption. You are the most fun person I've ever met, and I'm so glad that I have the rest of my life to spend with you._

_I didn't think you would even give me a response to my letter back to you, much less expect a package. I think when I opened the package…that was when I started to fall in love with you. Your pure generosity and kind heart surprised me. You are so selfless, I always feel inferior. I remember when the guys were watching the first episode of the TV show you sent us, thinking how proud I was. I was proud that you were the girl writing to me. And I still don't know why out of all the profiles on AnySoldier that you picked me. But you doing that was the best thing that's ever happened to me._

_I know I signed up for this. I signed up for the army knowing that we were in a time where I would most definitely be deployed. I had been alright with that before I met you. Now I just want them to let me come home. I've had my run. I've done my duty to this country, and I don't have any regrets. But I'm just done._

_The army was a dumb dream. That's arguable, I know it, and in the end, I know I don't really mean it. But when I was a kid in history class, I couldn't think anything better of the soldiers we learned about. I wanted to be like that; not a mafia kid. Even though we hadn't met when I enlisted in the army, you've always believed in me. I couldn't love you more for it._

_Everyday that passes by is just another day that has come without you. I watch the desert sun set every night, and I think of you. I think of all you've had to go through without me, and I feel like the biggest bastard. I don't want you to have to be alone any longer._

_I just want to go home. I want to be home so fucking badly. I feel so fucking alone here. I have friends, and I have my squad, but without you, I'm absolutely nothing. I don't want this to be my life anymore, ever since last July when I got back here from being with you, I feel like I'm living someone else's life. And in a way I am, because my life is where you are._

_Hold on baby, I know you're tired of this. I am too. I want to go home, and I know you know how much I miss you. I'm way too far from where you are. I'm just as done with this as you are. It'll all be all right soon. I'm coming back home._

_Sincerely,  
__Sergeant Masen_

Edward's letter had made me cry. I had kept it bottled in since prom, but when I read his letter, I broke down and had a long cleansing cry. Every so often it felt good to be assured that I was doing okay. Sometimes I felt so whiny when I told him I missed him, I worried that I could be stressing him out when I did that.

Getting that letter from Edward a couple weeks had been just what I needed. I loved getting letters from Edward, because they he wrote made me feel like most special girl in the world. They also made me remember what had really started this relationship. Writing that letter to Edward had been the best thing I had ever done. And I was so lucky to be in the relationship I was in.

When Edward said things like "the rest of my life with you," they didn't freak me out. Normally, being the kind of person that I am, that would absolutely send me into a panic. But with Edward, I just looked forward to it. I was content to know that he was the only man I wanted to be with. Without a doubt in my mind, I knew there would never be another. When I thought to our future, the only thing I felt was excitement.

My musings were broken by Rosalie's bag carelessly whacking in me in the side when she turned. I yelped and glared at her when she turned. She grinned innocently, "Good luck!" she told me sincerely, walking to find her group and giving me a parting wave. I wished her the same before I went to find Brenner.

The top four girls in their conferences played together, and we started on a hole far away from the club house. All of our coaches gave us a ride individually to that hole on a golf cart. In the back of my mind, I was sad that this was the last hole he would be carting me out to. I located him twirling a set of keys in his hand with a lazy, confident grin on his face.

Taking my bag of clubs from me and starting out in the direction of where all the carts where parked Brenner said, complaining, "Do I have to give you one of those sentimental pep talks?"

"You mean like the stellar one you gave me last year?" I asked sarcastically. Last year I had gotten "Y_ou know that Shakespeare quote...the one about greatness? I can't remember it now; but let's pretend I did_," as my speech. It really did wonders to my confidence level.

Brenner smirked as he strapped my clubs on the back of the cart and I slid into the seat. "Oh come on! That one took me like a week to think of!" he exclaimed, making me roll my eyes and laugh under my breath. He grinned as he slid into the seat next to me and turned on the cart. We couldn't go anywhere until some of crowd started to go to their designated places.

"What kind of pep talk did Rose get exactly?" I questioned accusingly.

Brenner looked stumped for a second as he tried to remember, "Um," he started, racking his brains as he started the cart, "I think I gave her a Finding Nemo quote?"

"Your favorite movie?" I teased as he turned onto the cart path, the wind of the low speed making my pony tailed hair fly back.

"No!" he exclaimed, "Toy Story is my favorite movie," he clarified. I grinned and shook my head.

After a moment, Brenner looked over at me, one of the few times I had actually seen him serious, "You going to be okay without Edward?" he asked, quietly concerned.

I felt a weird pang in my stomach of longing. I always felt it when someone asked about Edward. But it always took me by surprised. I looked out at the golf course, thinking about my man in Iraq. I knew he was thinking about me too. How did I know? My nose itched.

When I looked back, Brenner was still watching me, waiting for my reaction. I swallowed back the small lump in my throat and nodded a little bit, but then I nodded again firmly. "I'll be fine."

He didn't look convinced, but he bought it for my sake. "Not much time left now, is there?"

I smiled, butterflies in my stomach. I knew the next week would be the longest of my life, but I was ready for the result of it. "He's just missing this by a week."

Brenner nodded, turning his attention back to the fairway he was crossing and the trees he was weaving through. I was convinced he was racing with the number 2 in state's coach. He looked back over at me, worrying me that we would crash into a tree, "And you told me not to get ahead of myself," he shook his head with a grin.

"How do you have such a good memory?" I exclaimed curiously. Brenner always seemed to remember stuff I said months ago.

We had just reached the tee box of my first hole, and Brenner was slowing down behind the other coaches.

"I'm part elephant," he admitted seriously. I rolled my eyes and shook my head.

oOo

I took first in the tournament. I was the number one girl's golfer in the state. I know that everyone had been expecting me to win, but to actually make my final putt was a moment I wouldn't be forgetting for a long time. I was so fucking proud of myself.

When I made my last putt, I couldn't help but thinking about Edward. I would have rather had him watching me and place second like last year than place first. Like most exciting things in my life in the past year, it was a bittersweet moment.

The next few hours went by in a familiar yet exhilarating blur. There was a lot of cheering from the girls on my team, Alice, Carlisle and Esme, Brenner…and Cam. I got a really huge ass trophy, and Esme made me take pictures with everyone who had ever helped me in my life.

Last winter I had gotten accepted into a college about a half hour away from home. They gave me a generous scholarship to play on their golf team for them. I had gotten many other offers for me to come and play golf for college teams, but I wanted to stay closer to Esme and Carlisle. The coach of the team had come to congratulate me and tell me how excited he was to be working with me in the fall.

Slowly the reception hall at the golf course began to clear out, and I was left with a sense of exhausted contentment.

It was kind of ironic actually. The course that the tournament had just taken place was a course I had hated but grown to love. It was the course that I played on the first day that Edward had called me. While Carlisle went to load my clubs, and Esme talked with Brenner and Cam, I made my way to the huge deck that was overlooking the course where Edward and I had first talked.

The sun was just starting to see over the horizon and gave the green course a golden glow. I walked to the railing of the deck and rested my elbows on it, quietly looking over the course, left to my own thoughts.

I couldn't really tell you what I was thinking at the time, I don't even know if I was thinking, I was just…feeling. I was proud of myself, that was evident, but I couldn't help feel the all too familiar sense of loneliness. Having Edward next to me, right then and there would have been perfect. I had too many of those moments, perfects moments if only I was with someone.

Having half of my heart in Iraq was so hard.

I was broken out of my spiral towards sadness by a pestering buzzing coming from my pocket. I sighed, daring myself to hope who was calling as I reached back and grabbed my cell phone.

"Hello?" I answered, praying that it was my soldier calling me. Other than the letter, I hadn't heard from him in three weeks.

"Hi baby." I smiled softly at the sound of his gentle voice. "How'd it go?" he asked.

"Pretty good," I reported with a grin.

"Kicked ass?" he asked with what sounded like a smirk. I laughed quietly. Edward had been telling me to kick ass at my golf tournaments for over a year now.

"A whole lot of it."

"That's my girl," he congratulated with soft pride. He sounded tired which was reasonable since it was like four in the morning over there. "Did you get my flowers?"

"No…?" I trailed off, curious for an explanation.

"Dammit Alice…" he grumbled and then sighed. "Well I got you flowers."

"Oh, well you shouldn't have," I grinned, flattered. I loved getting random flower deliveries from Edward. They would make me smile for days.

"Believe me; I should have," he said seriously.

"How long do you have?" I asked, referring to the phone call.

"Well, as of now about 40 seconds," he said with apologetic regret. I tried not to sigh too loudly.

"I love you," I told him quietly. If I was ever sure of one thing in my life, it was that.

"I love you too, and I miss you more than you now."

"See you soon," I said, wistfully thinking of the short length of time before I could hold him again.

"Really soon. I can't believe it. I'm finally coming home."

* * *

_Another airplane, another sunny place_  
_I'm lucky I know but I wanna go home_  
_I've got to go home, let me go home_  
_I'm just too far from where you are_  
_I wanna come home_

_And I feel just like I'm living someone else's life_  
_It's like I just stepped outside_  
_When everything was going right_  
_And I know just why you could not come along with me_  
_This was not your dream_  
_But you always believed in me_  
_I still feel all alone, I wanna go home_  
_Oh, I miss you, you know_

_Let me go home_  
_I've had my run_  
_Baby, I'm done_  
_I'm coming back home  
_Home, Blake Shelton

* * *

I know this chapter's short and a little boring. But, it's building up the suspense huh? Edward's home next chapter ladies! (There's like half or a third of the chapter in his POV...just FYI)

Btw, a lot of you said that Bella should tell Edward about the FBI in last chapter...she did. I just didn't feel like that conversation fit in the chapter, and I sometimes forget that you aren't all in head and knowing the things I do.


	45. Chapter 45

For those of you on Twitter, you know that one my friend's had heart failure 2 weeks ago, his heart was working at 10% and his left ventricle had shut down. The weeks that followed have been hell. But, since God works in funny ways and knew that you guys needed an update, his surgery went better than anyone could have ever hoped and he does not need the transplant. Personally, I probably would have beat the kid otherwise...(; So without further ado, this chapter's for you Bryant!

* * *

I looked out around the barren desert landscape for the last time while the guys slowly shuffled into the plane, each of us dealing with the surreal and strange occasion that this was. The sky was a deep red and the sun was a dark yellow as it started its rise into the sky. I stared around me at the night, trying to hide the pain.

This dry, God forsaken land, this land of war had been my home for the better part of three years. I couldn't fathom not coming back in a few weeks. It was hard to grasp that I was leaving Iraq for good. Change is always hard, even if it is for the better. I sucked at change, I hated it. I couldn't help but feel torn as I sighed and gave the flat landscape a small smile and a nod, as if to say, "It's been good, take care of yourself." It was irrational, but I couldn't stop the pang in my chest as I walked up the ramp and boarded the plane.

I took a seat in the large plane with Emmett on my left and Jasper on my right. We were in a large army plane where the soldiers sat on the sides verses in the middle. The last of the guys from our unit had walked onto the plane and the door was being closed, sealing us away from the outside.

We had a long 13 hour flight ahead of us, and though our emotions varied, none us seemed to feel the need to fill the silence with meaningless talk. I had literally dreamt about this day. The day where I could finally go home back to Bella. Now that it was here, I was finding that it was going to be more difficult than I had originally thought.

Leaving my squad would be like leaving my family. I wasn't even that sentimental. But when you live with these guys, and you go out to war with them, you form a bond so strong that it seems nearly impossible to break. I have faced death and suffering with these brave men and women next to me. You can't go through the stuff we have and not become brothers.

My head fell back against the wall of the plane and my eyes closed, not caring to look around at all the other soldiers, going through the same thing as me. We were all elated to finally be going home, but the sadness that had come with the day seemed to have taken us all back.

Private Daniel Hayden's face drifted into my mind. He had been 19 when he died from that IED explosion. The kid had had everything to live for and it was taken unfairly away from him last year. He wasn't coming home with us. He wasn't going to step off the plane to the cheers of his girlfriend and parents. He had come home last year, with an American flag draped over him.

I wasn't sure how I was going to adjust to my life as a civilian. I imagined it was going to be difficult to step out of the sergeant mindset that I had been in for such a long time. Honestly, it was freaking me out. I hadn't been in the real world for so long, and when I had it had been with Bella.

The thought made me open my eyes again and smile a little bit. Bella. That was the only thought not causing me to go into a serious freak out. I was finally going home to Bella. That alone seemed like an impossible concept to grasp.

I was going to where she was, and where she was, was home. I didn't have to do a fucking thing to feel good when I was with her. I was going from the pain of missing her to a different kind of pain.

Home. Before I met Bella, I wouldn't have been able to say exactly where that was for me. But now, I knew exactly where home was. Home was where I belong, where Bella's love is all I'll ever need in the world. When I'm with her, nothing else in the world matters.

I wasn't running away, or turning my back on the army. I had done my duty to my country, and if I may say so , I had done a hell of a job. I was going home because I was tired of it all. Just because I was going to miss it, doesn't mean that it wasn't time. I didn't regret joining the army, I would never forget all that I had saw and done with these brave people. But it was getting old, so I'm going home.

I was so fucking excited to see Bella. God, I loved that woman more than anything in the world. I would fucking die for her. She deserved so much more than me. I would spend the rest of my life trying to make up for all the time of her life that I've missed in the past two years.

I loved everything about her, as cliché as that sounds. I couldn't imagine being with anyone who didn't have the sarcasm that my girl did. She was absolutely the kindest (whether she'd agree or not) person I've ever known. She's so smart, and funny and damn. If she wasn't the most beautiful thing in the world.

And she was strong. I don't know how the hell she's been able to do it for so long, be with me while I'm still gone. When people say "Army Strong," I've come to believe that they're not even talking about soldiers or our physical strength; they're talking about the women who love us.

It would be a lie to say that I didn't think about Bella for the next hour. The time seemed to be slowly down, just because the universe was amused by my anxiety. The miles seemed to be getting longer, the closer I got to Bella.

I don't know why. I don't know how I was in anyway worthy of Bella's love. But I'm so, so fucking glad she gave me a try. The closer we got to Camp Shelby, the closer I was getting back to my heart.

oOo

I am a military girlfriend. I hold no formal recognition with the powers that be, I am at the bottom of the chain. I hold no Military ID card; I am not a dependent or a parent. The man I love may face unspeakable dangers and I am at the mercy of those who possess this recognition for news. I understand this and accept this.

I have promised to be here for him upon his return no matter how long he is away. They may say I am insane for making such a commitment, but I hold onto our promises and have faith that he will come home safe. I know well that my love for him fuels him in the worst of times.

There is no ring on my finger to symbolize our commitment, though I love him no less for it. I hope every day that he will be able to call because a simple 30-second phone call can bring the greatest spectrum of emotions smiling with tears in my eyes from so much joy and pain. My relationship is based on a brief communication where _I love you_ and _I'm okay_ speaks more than volumes and gives me the strength to keep going.

I take no moment spent together for granted. I hold onto every touch, caress, kiss, and every word. I have memorized the feel of his skin, his smell, the sound of his voice and I play it over and over in my mind so that I will not forget. I cry myself to sleep some nights because missing him hurts so badly, but wake up the next morning, brush myself off and start a new day.

I was tired of that being my life. And now, in just a few short hours, it wouldn't have to be anymore.

Alice, Rosalie and I were all flying down to Camp Shelby because our soldiers were all final coming home.

They told us not to fly all the way down to Mississippi because they wouldn't be released from duty and able to go home for a little bit of time because they wanted to make sure that none of the soldiers show signs of Post Traumatic Stress. But honestly, none of us could even imagine being anywhere than waiting for them.

We had all woken up at like five in the morning and Esme had driven us to the airport. Normally being woken up at five in the morning would leave me in a very crabby mood. But today, today I could go around singing and skipping I was so excited. Alice was happier than I had seen her in months and Rose…well Rose was impatient as hell. But nevertheless happy.

I smiled to myself and looked out the small window of the plane to see blue skies and puffy white clouds. There had been quite a lot of bickering about who would get the window seat. I won the argument after I pointed out to Rose that if the plane suddenly went plummeting down to earth and crashed, landing on the side that I was sitting on, she would live about .2 seconds more than me.

Somewhere else high in the skies Edward was flying to Mississippias well. The thought was kind of…_cool_ for lack of a better word. It was hard to believe that after all these months he was finally coming home. My leg could not stop bouncing at the thought.

Over the past two years, I couldn't help but think that I had become a different person. I mean, I was obviously still the same to people who didn't know me that well. I still played soccer, golf, I was an A student, I was still sarcastic as hell. But somehow in the course of events, I had grown up.

For one thing…I now cry over about anything; now I'm not entirely sure if that means that I've grown up, or rather gone up on the teenage hormone scale.

Almost every time I get a letter from Edward, I tear up or start full out sobbing. Maybe it's because of the beautiful way he writes, or the fact that I know he's still okay or just hearing that he misses me. I can start crying at the blink of an eye now. When I'm watching the TV and one of those army recruitment commercials begins to play, I start crying because of fucking proud of him I am.

I never really was one for going out frequently, or even going out for the night in the first place. But now I would rather spend a Friday night trying to write the perfect letter to my sergeant, or making a list of things to send to him in a care package for him and his squad.

I don't spend hardly any time on my appearance any longer. I mean yeah, I still wash my hair, shave, put on some make up and call it good. But I don't really care what the hell I look like when I go to school. I don't need to look pretty for the guys in my high school. The only guy I want to look pretty for is miles away, and he doesn't give a damn if I'm wearing make up or not. Teenage girls are always insecure, some less than others. After Edward and I fell in love…I just don't feel that anymore.

Humans are selfish creatures. And I don't claim to be any less; in fact I'm probably more seeing as how I just always want Edward. But I don't just worry about myself anymore. I don't worry about what might happen to me. I worry about Edward and if he's okay. I would give anything to make sure that he stayed safe. It's impossible just to think of myself anymore.

Being in love with a soldier…you learn to appreciate the little things in life, because to me, a three minute phone call with Edward can make me happy for an entire week. Or a short email simply saying "I miss you."

I've also grown more tolerant of being woken up in the middle of the night…if that counts for anything.

My musings were interrupted byAlice's very loud and impatient huff from next to me. I looked over at her with a raised eyebrow, inviting a rant if she wanted to. My eyes went to her fingers that were strumming the armrest at a constant rhythm.

"I haven't seen Jasper since November. You just saw Edward like a month ago. So not fair," she complained, looking excited and annoyed at the same time.

"Well you've spent more time with my boyfriend in the past than I have in my life," I retorted testily. Alice had served with him for months before we met and months after. I had only had about six weeks of face time with the man whom I have undying love for.

But so much had happened in that six weeks. I wouldn't change any of it for the world. I had experienced so much with him, and I was so eager to continue my life with him.

Alice shook her head and her eyes glazed over with a wistful thought, "If you think you're sexually deprived, look at me!"

"You got me there…" I admitted. Alice and I shared a knowing cat like grin. The day I could make love to Edward and fall asleep knowing he wasn't going to leave soon would be the day I could die of happiness.

Being with Edward intimately was incredible. I loved it. But there was almost nothing worse than trying to force the thought that this could be the last time out of your head. It did awful things to your mind and made it so much easier to freak out.

"You two can stop whining when I'm over here a total virgin!" Rosalie complained crossing her arms but doing nothing to stop her bouncing leg.

"Really?" Alice and I asked simultaneously. I had assumed they'd done it months ago. I was now remotely curious. I say _remotely_ because Rosalie's sex life –or rather lack of- didn't directly affect on my life.

"What about prom?"Alice asked, an eyebrow rose. I was leaning around Alice to give her my own eye brow raise.

Rosalie scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Really? Lose virginity on prom night? I'm not _that_ cliché," she declared, indignant. Fair point.

Who woulda thought that I, Bella Swan, would lose my virginity before Rose did. Wouldn't have seen that one coming. I smirked at Rose.

"That does suck for you." I was sympathetically amused.

"God I miss him," Rose sighed, shaking her head with a fond smile on her face.

I hummed in agreement. "Tell me about it," Alice sighed. She rested her elbow on the armrest and put her chin in her hand staring across me out the window.

I was proud of Alice. She had come so far since Riley's stillbirth. Riley. Giving him a name made him impossible to ever forget. And while I knew that she was doing okay, all she really needed was Jasper. She had gone through so much in the past nine months. She had gotten pregnant, then blown up, managing to break a respectable amount of bones and get discharged from the army. Then she actually discovered she was pregnant and went through that before she lost the baby. She had managed to do all of this shit without Jasper by her side.

I went through my fair share amount too. Don't get me wrong, I paled in comparison toAlice…and I was totally okay with that. I couldn't even fathom how I would have done it.

But I did have a lot happening in the past year. I successfully got past my father's 40th birthday (though Edward admittedly had been a big part of that,) I had gotten through Edward getting shot, my best friend getting pregnant, senior prom where I discovered my boyfriend was an heir to the mafia, and gotten involved in an FBI investigation. I was kick ass. I didn't care what anyone else said.

The rest of our flight into Mississippi passed by with not much excitement. Well, that wasn't the right wording, we were all extremely excited, but nothing much happened on the plane.

Edward's flight was due in at 1. It was about 10:30 when our flight landed. Two hours was such a small time period, but it felt like a life time away. I was so excited to see him again. I had missed him more than anything, as redundant as that sounded. My stomach was a flutter knowing that I would be seeing him soon.

Carlisle had helped us arrange for a black SUV rental to be waiting for us at the airport, so all we had to do was navigate to the car (easier said than done.) But we finally found the vehicle and threw our bags in before piling in. Alice volunteered to drive since she knew the area pretty well. Personally, I wanted to be the one driving because then I would be doing something. Instead I was left to sit in the passenger seat and strum my fingers.

Whenever I went to pick up Edward I felt a sense of déjà vu from the first time that I did, last June. I still remembered that like it was yesterday. I would never forget it. I would never forget the intense anxiety I felt waiting for his plane to be called. One of the reasons I would never forget was because I was currently experiencing the same feeling, just as intense, maybe even more. My heart was pounding already and my body felt like it had an electric surge going through it.

Before I knew it, Alice was pulling into a parking spot on the side of road behind another car that was slowing down and parking. I looked around, startled. I had been in my own little world until then. Now I was taking a chance to look around at all the cars parked literally all over. People were getting out with excited faces that matched my own.

I had done my best to look patriotic and fit in with the rest of the well wishers. I had worn a pair of dark and modestly short denim jeans with a red tank top and a tied white light cardigan over that with a blue belt on my waist. Alice and Rose were also sporting America's colors.

With a shared smile we all got out of the rental and started following the herd to where everyone had gathered and where the buses would be pulling up. It was the most positive energy I had ever felt. Everyone was bubbly and eager to see their sons, daughters, husbands, boyfriends, wives, sisters and brothers. As we joined the mass it was impossible not to keep a smile off of your face when looking around at everyone else's beams.

A woman with chest nut hair who looked about 30 had come over to where we were. She had a small little girl on her hip that was looking around. Alice had advised us to stand towards the back of the crowd, much to our dismay. We weren't wives or mothers, and from her warning, mom's could get pretty frightening if someone was blocking their way. The woman smile energetically at us and gave each of us a small American flag as many others were currently holding.

"First time?" she asked with happy empathy. Rosalie and I laughed quietly and nodded.

"Are we that obvious?" Rose asked as I smiled at the little girl. She giggled and ducked to her mom's shoulder before peaking back. Alice smiled and kept it together.

The woman smiled and shook her head assuringly. "This little girl is meeting her dad for the first time," she told, looking down at her daughter. The baby had the biggest brown eyes which were sparkling obliviously.

It was amazing. I couldn't even imagine having a child alone while my husband was deployed. God, that man must be even antsier than I was. He was about to meet his daughter for the first time. How incredible was that?

Alice was about to comment in response but as soon as she opened her mouth she was interrupted by a loud police siren. Abruptly, huge cheers broke out among the crowd of easily hundreds of people. Everyone crowded to look down the highway in hopes of seeing the buses. The American flags were waving up in the air like crazy and the crowd was cheering.

I of course being 5'3 couldn't see anything, I could only cheer and wave like everyone else, trying to get control of my racing heart. It was pounding steadily and hard against my chest making the butterflies in my stomach go even crazier. I stood on my tip toes trying to catch a glimpse of the approaching buses.

The next few seconds seemed like an eternity. Before I knew it and before I could form any conscious thoughts in my mind, two police officers on motorcycles pulled up in front of the crowd followed by two buses. I tried again in vain to see. I was pleasantly surprised when I realized that I could see the door of the bus opening.

You know those mosh pits in high school dances? Those crazy swarming masses? Well you should try being in the middle of a soldier's family and friends trying to get to them. It was absolutely insane. As soon as a soldier stepped off any of the buses he or she was greeted by an enormous round of applause before their family was able to get through and attack them with hugs.

Seeing soldier after soldier being reunited with their family was easily the powerful thing I had ever in my life witnessed.

A soldier had found his way over to where we were and was met with the chest nut haired woman flying herself at him. I watched as tears flowed down both of their faces, complete strangers to me. I couldn't help but shiver as they broke apart enough for the man to look in awe at his daughter who was staring up at her father curiously. I was surprised by the lump in my throat that began to form at the sight of him taking the baby into his camo wearing arms.

I had to tear my gaze away from the scene because I sure as hell did not want to miss Edward getting off that bus. Two more soldiers got off the bus and found their families before the three of us watched Jasper step down the stairs of the bus. I had never seen Alice so happy. He was looking around the spread out crowd before his gaze locked on Alice. Before anybody could blink, Alice took off rushing towards him. Rosalie and I watched in awe as the two of them reached and Alice threw her arms around his neck.

I looked back towards the bus, not wanting Alice's soldier to distract me from my own. And sure enough, just taking a step down the stairs was Edward. He had a crooked smile at the cheering that he was met with and like Jasper, he scanned the ground looking for me. My heart stopped when my eyes locked with his. He beamed brightly at me, but I was too busy rushing forward to notice.

Nothing in the world could have stopped me from getting to him. And I mean than. I had never been more determined to be in his arms than I was in that moment.

Edward rushed towards me as well and we collided, desperately hugging one another. I threw my arms around his neck and held him to me with more strength than I knew capable. Edward's arms were around all the way around my waist and pulled me impossibly close to him.

All of my worries and fears and loneliness that had accumulated over the past year all dissolved as we clung onto each other. I felt truly safe in his arms as he held to me to him as if I were the most precious thing in the world. His arms around mine were the only thing that mattered.

Neither of us said anything, because honestly, none of us could find the words to say. But the thing was... no words were needed. I don't know how long we stood there, holding each other as if were all that each other had in the world. Time continued around us, but in that moment the world had stopped for the two of us. Only one thing mattered.

My soldier was finally home.

* * *

_I'm staring out into the night, _  
_Trying to hide the pain. _  
_I'm going to the place where love _  
_And feeling good don't ever cost a thing. _  
_And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain. _

_I'm going home, _  
_Back to the place where I belong, _  
_And where your love has always been enough for me. _  
_I'm not running from. _  
_No, I think you got me all wrong. _  
_I don't regret this life I chose for me. _  
_But these places and these faces are getting old _  
_So I'm going home. _  
_Well I'm going home. _

_The miles are getting longer, it seems, _  
_The closer I get to you. _  
_I've not always been the best man or friend for you. _  
_But your love, remains true. _  
_And I don't know why. _  
_You always seem to give me another try. _  
Home, Daughtry

*You can thank Daughtry for all the inspiration their songs gave me for this chapter.

* * *

Maybe the only chapter I've teared up while editting. God damn I love these guys.

This isn't the end...maybe, I'm wistfully thinking it should be. Ya know, I could write an epilogue or final chapter or a wrap up of the mafia (I think it'll be an epi/outtake)? I'm not really happy with the chapters I've wrote following this and I'm thinking I might do some change up. I'll have to think about it. Hit me up with a review or on Twitter telling me what you think.

I hope you understand why EPOV is rather short. It wouldn't feel right to me to have their reunion in anyone's head but Bella.

I would love thoughts on this chapter! (Sorry for the weirdly long author's note:)


	46. Christmas Note

Merry Christmas everyone! I hope you all enjoy this holiday season! (:

This isn't the update you were all hoping for, but it almost is!

As part of a few Christmas one-shots that I posted, a **Sincerely, Sergeant Masen Christmas** is also posted as one there.

This holiday tale catches you up with the gang that we all know and love and lets you know how their first Christmas together goes. I had so much fun writing it!

You can find it by going to my profile and selecting the one called **"Christmas Carols"  
**or www . fanfiction . net/s/7631212/3/Christmas_Carols (taking out the spaces of course)

* * *

**On to announcements:**

Sincerely, Sergeant Masen will have an epilogue posted, followed by a second epilogue thingy wrapping up the mafia.

This will be followed by a variety of outtakes with things that were missed and situations that are written most likely for my own amusement.

These epilogues will both be posted within a couple weeks. Hopefully I'll get one out before the new year. If you follow on me on Twitter, you'll probably be able to get a better idea. (2carm2carm2)

* * *

**And finally:**

I know last chapter was a little. Well, it threw people off. Hell, it threw me off. But I feel right ending the story with Edward home and Bella in his arms.

But, that's not my point.

I wanted to thank everyone who has taken the time to read this story. It has meant so much to me that you have been here with me through this crazy ride!

I am so blessed that I have all of you as readers. You have been downright amazing! I cannot thank you enough for all of your support! It is nearly impossible to try to put into words what this has been for me.

As for future fanfictions? Oh who the hell knows.

It might happen, it might not. I have no idea, but you will all be the first to know if there is anything happening!

Thank you all! Best wishes! (:

Sincerely, Carmen


	47. Epilogue

I feel as if this epilogue needed two songs. So one made it at the beginning! If you have questions about anything you could check the Sergeant Masen Christmas, or PM/Tweet me. (You'd probably have a better shot on Twitter...) Enjoy!

* * *

_Heartbeats fast, colors and promises_  
_How to be brave_  
_How can I love when I'm afraid to fall_  
_But watching you stand alone_  
_All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow_  
_One step closer_

_I have died everyday waiting for you_  
_Darling don't be afraid I have loved you_  
_For a thousand years_  
_I love you for a thousand more_

_Time stands still, beauty in all she is_  
_I will be brave, I will not let anything take away_  
_What's standing in front of me_  
_Every breath, every hour has come to this_  
Thousand Years, Christina Perri

* * *

"Edward!" I snapped exasperatedly.

"I'm trying!" He responded, equally irritated.

"Why is he crying?"

"I don't know!"

"Give him here," I demanded tiredly. I took the crying baby into my arms and tried to call him down. He quieted a little once he was in my arms but was still pouting, tears on his red cheeks.

"I don't know why we thought we could do this," Edward said warily.

I shot him a resentful look. "We didn't exactly plan this."

Edward raised an eyebrow. "You say that like it's my fault we're stuck with him!"

"Well it is!" I retorted. Christian had calmed down after I had given him his pacificer and started rocking my body back and forth with him.

Edward who saw the change in the baby relaxed his tense shoulders and fell back against the couch in relief. I rolled my eyes. I had to give him credit though, he tried with all of his might with this whole baby thing.

I looked down at the infant in my arms who was staring back at me with bright blue eyes full of life.

Carlisle and Esme had the cutest kid known to history.

My little brother Christian Allen Cullen had joined us on June 2nd, ready to take on the world like the little warrior he is. He was perfectly heathly, Esme having done everything humanly possible to ensure his healthy arrival.

He got the name Allen after Alice. Esme and her had really bonded over both of their pregnancies, and Esme wanted to honor Alice's strength, saying that if her son turned out to be half as brave and strong as Alice, than she would be happy. Alice and Jasper were also named Christian's godparents. Carlisle and Esme had talked to me and Edward about this not sure if we would be offended, but we interrupted them and told them he would be our brother, and that was that.

"When will Carlisle and Esme be back?" I asked anxiously, peering at the clock, but being careful not to distrupt my rocking.

"Soon I hope," Edward sighed. He looked so lonely on the couch, looking on at Christian and me.

Technically speaking, it was his fault that we were currently babysitting. He had volunteered us this morning when Carlisle mentioned that he and Esme had to leave the cabin and run home for a couple hours.

I glanced down at my brother to see that he had calmed down a lot more and seemed to even be getting tired. Chancing the wrath of the baby, I walked over to Edward and slowly sat down on the couch next to him. We both waited a second, holding our breaths. It was let out when Christian didn't seem to notice that the rocking and standing had ceased.

Edward put his arm around my shoulder and pulled us closer to him. His the fingers on his free hand traced Christian's tiny foot gently. I smilied up at him and nestled closer against his body.

"He's so much more enjoyable when he's not crying," Edward commented, no hint of annoyance in his voice. I laughed quietly, agreeing and also thinking about what an incredible understatement this was.

"Hey buddy," Edward cooed, ticking his belly lightly. Christian's lips around his paci quirked up and his eyes sparkled. He had gotten Carlisle's eyes but they lit up like Esme's.

I smiled, watching him interact with Christian. As I had obseved in Alice's pregnancy, the soilders I know all get ridiculously freaked out about babies. All four of them were scared about the idea of Alice and Jasper's baby Riley, and they were just as frightened of the idea of Esme having a baby.

Turns out that worry was misplaced.

All of them turned out to be excellent with children, babies especially. Hell, if anyone was bad with babies, it was Rose. She tries, I'll give her that, but she's just not that...nurturing,.

It warmed my heart and made my ovaries flutter when Edward interacted with my brother. He was so amazing with him. Seeing my big strong soilder cradling a seven pound baby like he was the most fragile thing in the world for the first time was not something that I would forget soon, if ever.

We both wanted kids, and we knew that from the beginning. Edward I think will always be hesitant about becoming a father. Hopefully after we have children he will lose the reluctance. But I understood why he was nervous about the idea. He hadn't exactly had the best of father's when he was growing up.

"I can't believe he's three months old," I shook my head in awe. The summer had flown by as summers always seem to.

"I can't believe this is our third summer together," Edward marveled, just as in awe as I was. I grinned up at him.

The years since I had wrote that first letter to the sergeant I found online had gone by so quickly, I felt like I had just blinked. Even his deployment which had felt like a decade when we were living through it seemed to have flown by.

"Technically this is our first full summer together," I smiled. We had enjoyed each other from Memorial Day through Labor Day without anything to tear us apart.

I thought back to last summer and how on random days and at sparatic times, he would come up and give me a kiss. When I would raise an eyebrow at this, he would just shrug and say, "I've never kissed you on August 3rd." I loved that man.

"I don't want to go back to school," I whined. Edward rolled his eyes. He liked college! The whole learning part that is. I didn't understand this.

Well, that was a lie, I really did understand his reasons. He had spent years in the army, fighting. It was nice for him to be able to just sit in a classroom and not worry about anything other than listening to lectures.

"You only have two years left. We both know it'll be done before you even know it."

"How about we drop out, and kick Rosalie and Emmett out of the house and then never ever leave," I suggested.

Marquette, the university that Rosalie and I attended didn't require freshman to live in dorms though most did. Emmett and Edward were going to University of Wisconsin Milwaukee. Edward only had one year left as he had done a year while he was overseas and had finished one before he joined the army.

Rosalie and I really just didn't feel the need to live in crowded co ed dorms and share showers. There was a certain maturity to both of us that came with dating soilders that happened to be at least four years older than us. So Edward and Emmett had bought a house in between the two campuses without telling us. The four of us were all living there as one happy family.

"And what would we do with all this together time?" Edward teased.

"Practice making our own Christian's." And with that I leaned up and pressed my lips against his, not surprised when he eagerly responded and then we were in a full blown make out session that was leaving me more hot and bothered than I cared to admit.

I jumped away from him like he bit me when I heard a throat clear.

"I think Carlisle and Esme are home," I whispered. Edward who had the view of the door nodded.

"Well this is awkward."

Sheerpishly I turned around, the apple of their eyes in my arms. Esme and Carlisle were standing with eyebrows raised at us. Esme wasn't doing that great of a job hiding her smirk and Carlisle wasn't even trying. Hell, he was laughing.

"Hey guys, how's it going?" I asked awkwardly.

They had caught us making out before. They'd caught us doing other stuff that one would presume led to making Christians. But never had we actually done this with their son sandwiched in between us.

"I don't care when and where you do it, but save my son the trauma," Esme told us with mock sterness.

I snorted. Edward smirked at me but I ignored him. "'Cause you two have been chaste since his birth."

Esme opened her mouth to defend herself but Carlisle spoke first. He wasn't concerned about defending his sex life. As it turns out, quite the opposite actually. "We got the go ahead two weeks ago!"

"And go ahead you did," Esme muttered.

Ew.

"Well on that lovely note, would you like your son back?" I lifted Christian slightly who was still just checking out the world. Such a good kid.

Esme grinned and scooped the baby out of my arms and started cooing at him before kissing his forehead. I was surprised she had managed to stay away for that alloted two hours that they had been gone.

"Let's go swimming," I suggested, turning to Edward and giving him my hand to heave him up.

"Oh wait, before you go," Carlisle went to Esme's purse and grabbed an envelope. Carlisle handed it to Edward who glanced at it for a second. His lips tightened but he didn't open it, instead just sticking it in his back pocket.

"We grabbed mail at your house on our way out of town," Esme explained as she adjusted Christian so that he was resting against her shoulder. I nodded and then looked at Edward who grinned at me and tugged me towards the door to the lake. The grin looked like an empty one, but I didn't comment.

We went swimming, frolicking around in the water and racing to the neighbor's raft and back. We had just gotten the idea to catch fish with only hands when the rest of the gang arrived. Emmett and Rose had decided to ride up with Alice and Jasper for our Labor Day celebration thing that we were having. So, Edward and I dried off and went to help them unload stuff. He didn't say anything about the letter once that day.

oOo

"Totally-Epic-Battle-of-the-Tubes Part three, anyone?" Emmett asked with the threat of a challenge, stepping out of the cabin the next morning and basking in the sunlight reflecting off the lake.

Rosalie rolled her eyes before she slid her sunglasses over them. I grinned at Emmett's exuberance. "Not everyone has your ambition this early in the morning to be brought to the brink of death on a tube "

Emmett looked over at her in confusion, "It's almost noon," he pointed out, probably just to bug her.

"Your point?"

They'd been home for a year and it still hadn't got old.

Regrettably, we did end up giving into Emmett and thus began Totally-Epic-Battle-of-the-Tubes-Part III.

Since there had been no real winner the first summer, and some debate on the ethics of how Jasper won last year, Emmett was just ready to prove his worth. This year though, Alice and Edward were more prepared for tubing and it was a real fight to the death kind of thing. And the fact that Carlisle was driving like a fucking maniac didn't really help.

To my unfortunate surprise I was knocked off my tube fairly early in the game. If you ask me, Jasper was far too unapologetic as I popped out of the water spitting up water. I had had quite the wipeout.

In the end it came down to Rose and Edward. We were all surprised by this. Espeically Emmett. I don't know why he was surprised; each of us had made it our dying mission to get him off the tube. Alice had managed to take him down, going down herself.

In a nail biting finale, Edward managed to flip Rose's tube over and send her tumbling into the water. He had used his free hand while he was in the wake to grab one of her handles and push it over. I was annoyed with Rose, because for the next three hours, I had to deal with Edward's smugness. But then again, Rose would probably be worse.

Since it was such a nice day, Edward and I rolled a large tube to the end of the dock and pushed it in the water and tied the long string to a poll so we could just float out in the lake. "I'm such a winner," Edward sighed to himself, shaking his head vainly from where he was lying on his back next to me.

"Unquestionably," I agreed, in an uninterested monotone. I opened my eyes and looked over to see him smirking at me. I rolled my eyes and then closed them once more, enjoying the sun's tanning rays, a small smile on my lips.

A few moments later I felt soft lips press gently against mine, making me open my eyes to see Edward leaning over me with a loving gaze on his face.

"What was that for?" I asked him, lazily bring my hand up to stroke his hair.

Edward gazed into my eyes meaningfully, "Because I can," he said quietly with a note of triumph in his voice.

The two of us had spent the last year together, nearly inseparable and I have never been happier in my life. Waking up with Edward next to me everyday was such a gift.

"I missed you so much last year," I smiled softly, moving my hand to cup his cheek. "It still feels like a dream to have you here."

"I'm sorry," he apologized remorsefully placing another tender kiss on my lips. I knew he was apologizing for the year without him.

I gave my head a slight shake and locked my gaze with his. "Don't ever apologize for serving your country. I'm so proud of you. I never blamed you for leaving, you had to."

Edward's made became unreadable. I watched as he looked at me. My hand fell from his face as he used his free hand that wasn't holding him up to tuck my hair behind my ear gently.

"Your eyes are so bright in the sun," he commented looking at me with such a look of love on his face. I gave him a small uncontrollable smile, adoring the way he looked at me with such amazement. "You're so, so beautiful."

"I was worried you would forget about me when you left," I admitted quietly, adverting my eyes away from him and looking out at the lake.

Edward's fingers lightly turned my head back so that I was looking at him again, his handsome face staring at me with warm patience. "Bella, I'm never going to love another. No one will ever even come close to you. You're my girl."

oOo

It was early into the sunset and the pinks and oranges were creeping over the sky to the west to consume the remains of what was a blue perfect sky.

I was about to take my place in one of the folding chairs in the circle around the fire when I noticed a bronze head sitting at the end of the dock with their feet swinging lightly into the water.

Taking a breath I walked across the yard, nodding at Alice and Emmett who were looking at me in concern and confusion, probably having noticed that Edward had been quiet these two days. I kicked off my flip flops at the beginning of the dock and walked quietly down the dock to where Edward was sitting in a sweatshirt and jeans.

I sat down next to him easily and slid my feet into the cold water next to his. I scooted closer to him wordlessly.

I waited for a moment, hoping I wouldn't have to be the one to breech the silence. But he wasn't even looking my way at all. It looked like he was trying very hard not to actually.

"Edward?" I ventured carefully. I watched his shoulders rise as he took a breath in and then fall as he let it out. Slowly he looked at me, allowing me access to his powerful eyes.

I was confused by the mix of emotions in it. I gave him a soft look, conveying that I was clueless.

He sighed.

"Edward, please tell me what's wrong. I don't know what's going on," I admitted quietly, my voice pleading.

He closed his eyes, breaking the connection and when he opened them again I saw only nervousness.

"Is this about the letter you got yesterday?" I asked. I couldn't say he was sad, because he didn't look sad, he looked anxious. Anxious would be the best word I could describe him with yet such a simple unfitting word.

"Don't freak out," he murmured as he shifted slightly so he could pull out the envelope that Carlisle had been carrying from his back pocket.

Wordlessly he handed it to me.

Not knowing what to say, I took the envelope from his hand and watched it drop. I slid the envelope open and pulled out a single sheet of paper printed on very official looking thick paper.

My heart sank with every passing sentence. Only certain phrases stuck to me painfully.

_...on behalf of United States Army..._

_...toughest combat course in the world and is the most physically and mentally demanding leadership school the Army has to offer..._

_...special operations combat formation..._

_...begin your training as a sniper upon the recommendation of Staff Sergeant Joshua Stark._

_...the 75th Rangers Regiment would be honored to have you in their division._

Once I finished reading the letter, I looked at Edward pleading with him to deny what I was about to say.

"The army wants you back?"

Edward, trying to judge my reaction took a deep breath before nodding. "Yes, they do," he confirmed.

I was speechless.

"What are the Rangers?" I asked after a shocked moment. I couldn't decide how to react. That could possibly be because of the fact that Edward wasn't reacting.

"They are the most elite branch of the army, they are the best of the best when it comes to their jobs," he explained, seeming to choose his words carefully. "'Rangers lead the way.'"

"Training as a sniper?" I asked carefully. I remembered the mission Edward went on with Josh the sniper, how he had killed two men from hundreds of feet away with barely any training. I also remembered the letter, him having been disgusted with himself for doing it.

Edward was silent. He watched me, his gaze giving nothing away.

I sat silently for a minute myself, trying to process everything. It had been over a year since Edward's enlistment was up. He had enjoyed some aspects of his time, but we both knew without a question that the time was over. Why was this happening now? After our perfect year together.

Finally I spoke, gathering any courage I could find. "What are you going to say?"

I didn't realize I was holding my breath until he answered. I was so relieved to see a soft crooked grin on his face as he finally met my eyes. "No way in hell."

My heart melted and my shoulders dropped visibly in relief as I leaned as close as humanly possible into him. He chuckled softly and pulled me closer against his body, kissing my head.

We had just crossed a hurdle that I didn't even know was in front of us.

The colors swirled in the sky around us and the fire crackled on the shore. Our family and friend's quiet laughs could be heard from around it, and Christian's momentary cry mixed in as well. We had built a life together with these crazy, annoying, loveable and brave people.

It had all started with the letter I sent to Edward years ago. Those words that I wrote and could barely remember had set this entire life into motion. It was amazing that all this had happened because of a piece of notebook paper full of words.

Edward shifted after a couple minutes and I looked over at him. His eyes were now as expressive as ever as he moved his hand back to his pocket.

"There's another letter. This one's for you," he informed me. I couldn't help but smile at the unknown joy on his face as he handed me an envelope.

I turned the envelope in my hand and read the return address. I smiled in confusion at Edward as I saw his name. He gave me an urging nod.

Grinning, I slowly pulled the envelope open and retrieved the folded notebook paper that was in it. Taking a nervous breath, much like I did whenever I had prepared to open one of his letters while he was in Iraq, I started to read.

_My Bella,_

_I had this whole letter planned out in my head, and now that I'm sitting down trying to write it, I forgot everything I had to say. You're so beautiful, did you know that? Every part of your soul is beautiful. I see your beauty in everything you do._

_I didn't really believe in God or anything like that before I met you. But now, thinking about it, I know there's no way I would know you without God. For some reason He knew that I needed you. I need you in my life like I've never needed anything before. I know that only something as great as Divine Intervention could have brought an angel like you to me._

_We've been through so much together, impossible things. And throughout the years I've come to the conclusion that I'm only half the man I can be when I'm not with you. You make me the best I can be and I love every little about you. There aren't enough words to even begin to express how much I love you._

_This seems right because this is where our relationship started. On pen and paper._

_Bella, I love you with every part of my being. I want you to be my wife and spend our lives together._

_Will you marry me?_

_Sincerely, Sergeant Masen_

I looked up at Edward, my vision blurred from the tears in my eye. I gasped when I saw him holding a diamond ring in a velvet box towards me. He had the biggest, sweetest smile on his face as he looked at me.

"I have loved you since that first letter and I will love you for all of my life and beyond. Will you marry me?"

I choked back a sob and threw myself at him, wrapping my arms around his body and kissing every part of him that I could find.

I heard Edward's nervous laugh. "Is that a yes? 'Cause trust me, I am about to pee my pants si-"

That's my man.

I covered his mouth with a kiss shutting him up the best way I knew how. When I finally pulled back I locked eyes with him and smiled the brightest I ever had in my life.

It seemed hard to put what I was feeling into words as I held his face in my hands. "Edward, I- you...I love you so much...I want- oh hell. Yes I'll marry you!"

We kissed once more before Edward pulled away and slid the ring from the boss onto my left ring finger. It was a perfect fit. He kissed each knuckle before kissing my hand and then kissing me adoringly.

Edward rested his forehead against mine and we smiled at each other, blissfully happy and in complete love.

I heard clapping and we broke apart, confused. I found the source of the noise and let out an overwhelmed laugh. There stood our family on the beach, not far away. Alice, Jasper, Rose, Emmett, Esme and Carlisle who was holding Christian. I beamed over at them as Edward laughed.

They all looked so excited, Alice actually was jumping up and down. They probably had heard my answer to Edward. Esme I could see had tears in her eyes as she looked on at us.

"Mom ,I'm getting married!" I squealed, holding my left hand out in the air, receiving more cheers. Esme beamed at me and Carlisle did as well. Hell, they were all beaming. But there was an unmistakable parental joy from those two.

I looked over at Edward again and we smiled at each other, so happy. "Do you think we should go before they attack us?" Edward asked quietly. I laughed, knowing they were all waiting for us to leave the dock.

"Maybe," I whispered back with a grin.

Edward hopped up and held his hand to help me up as well. I set the letter down under the velvet box and took his hand. Instead of walking off of the dock like I assumed we would, Edward wrapped me into a giant bear hug, swaying back and forth as he hugged me tightly to him.

And then we were in water.

I burst out laughing as we landed in the water with a big splash. Edward had lost his footing and he had slipped off of the edge of the dock.

I laughed, finding it so funny as I looked at the shocked, wet man whom I was so incredibly in love with.

"You ask a girl to marry you, and then you throw her in the water?" I got out through my laughs. Edward who was surprised at his slip but seeing my reaction started laughing with me.

"I'm starting to see a recurring pattern," I told him, thinking about when I told him I loved him on that jet ski so long ago. He had been stunned and ended jumping into the water with me. Of course we had been wearing swimsuits then.

Edward pulled me against his own wet body and wrapped his arms around me, the happiest I had ever seen him. With our arms wrapped around each other, we smiled at one another.

I knew without a doubt as I stood fully clothed in the water, completely soaked and newly engaged that I would have the happiest life with the man I loved.

Me and my Sergeant Masen.

* * *

_Chances are when said and done_  
_Who'll be the lucky ones_  
_Who make it all the way?_  
_Though you say I could be your answer_  
_Nothing lasts forever_  
_No matter how it feels today_

_Chances are we'll find a new equation_  
_Chances roll away from me_  
_Chances are all they hope to be_  
_Don't get me wrong I'd never say never_  
_Cause though love can change the weather_  
_No act of God can pull me away from you_

_Chances lost are hopes torn up pages, maybe this time  
Chances are we'll be the combination  
Chances come and carry me, chances are waiting to be taken  
And I can see, chances are the fascination  
Chances won't escape from me  
Chances are only what we make them  
And all I need  
_Chances, Five for Fighting

* * *

One day in my History class, I finished a test early. My teacher asked me if I wanted to write a letter to a solider, as it was something her family often did. I did this, and within a week, I was at my computer creating this story. On November 7th, 2010, the first chapter of Sincerely, Sergeant Masen was posted. And now, on one of the final days of 2011, the story ends.

Sincerely, Sergeant Masen has had_ 1 million_ hits since then and over 4,000 favorites, along with 5,000 alerts. It also has an average of over 15,000 viewers a month.  
Holy Shit.

I have never been happier with anything that I have wrote. I hope you enjoyed this wild ride as much as I have. And I think this final chapter song sums up everything in this epilogue and everything that I want to say.  
It's been an honor.

I've said it before, but I do love redundancy:** Thank you all for everything! **


	48. Outtake: Stargazing

Still looking for the mafia wrap up, my computer sucked it up. I had no idea what I was doing, but I just sat down to write this yesterday. Of course the first thing I typed was, "Shit. Shit. Shit." But I couldn't work that in. Alas, editting!

* * *

"This is so ridiculously stupid," I complained.

"There's the cheery Bella we all know and love," Alice chirped with a grin.

I glared.

Rosalie grinned at my annoyance. "You know, it wouldn't kill you to smile a bit. You're getting married tomorrow!"

Not allowing myself to get distracted, I kept my eyes narrowed, "And it will be the happiest day of my life," I agreed, "but for the love of all things holy and not, why can't I be with Edward tonight?"

"Because bad luck will befall upon you!" Rose exclaimed.

She didn't back down from my glare.

"And I give a shit...why?"

Rose huffed while glancing at Alice who was quietly amused. "Okay, you know what Bella, I didn't want to have to do this, but the real reason a bride and groom aren't allowed to see each other before the wedding is so that the groom does not have a chance to back out from the wedding if he happens to find the bride unattractive or unappealing."

Accurate information from what I was sure the 1500's.

"Well damn. Better keep this ugly face away from Edward. Thanks for looking out for me," I retorted sarcastically.

Esme smiled sweetly at me. "Bella, sweetie, I've always lived by one motto in my life: always listen to Google. And if Google sends you to Wikipedia after you searched, "reasons why a bride and groom can't see each other before a wedding," then you better listen to the solid results you get!"

I fell back against my bed with a long sigh.

I muttered in irritation to myself, "Told Carlisle getting you an iPad was a bad idea. Said you'd Google everything, but he said noooooo, she'll be fine. It's those damn Angry Birds..."

"Ah," Rosalie grinned, as unfazed as the other two, "somehow I knew this was how Bella would handle her wedding. That's why we're friends really. If you started hyperventilating, I'd slap you, you know?"

I closed my eyes and groaned. "Try to leave that out of the toast tomorrow?"

"You're worried about my toast when you're allowing Emmett even within the near proximity of a microphone?" she wondered incredulously.

"Already thought of that. One of Edward's old soldiers, Private Reed, has the task of babysitting him.

The three women exchanged smiles. Rose beamed at me and fell on her back on the bed next to me. "God Bella, I can't believe you're getting married tomorrow."

My eyes closed as I let a giant smile overtake my face.

"I know," I whispered.

As of last month I was a college graduate, having finished my secondary education in the three years I had originally intended. Upon my graduation I was accepted into several psychology schools in Chicago where we would be moving in seven weeks. After much deliberation I decided that I wanted to pursue a career as a psychologist, a decision I had never felt more confident in.

For as much as I said I hated people, I truly wanted to do good in the world. And I over the years, I amended that statement to "I hate teenagers." I knew it would take years of work and study, but I was so ready to start this new chapter in my life that I couldn't even put it into words.

I was not the only one who had an exciting career in front of them. Edward graduated last spring from University of Milwaukee and had spent the past year working at the local police department and corresponding with Agent Booth. After working so successfully together to bring the mafia down, Booth had been after Edward for years to join the FBI.

Edward wanted it so bad. I watched him work so hard in school and I knew he wanted to be an agent, as he looked up to Booth so much. But Booth was stationed in Washington D.C. which Edward thought was too far for us to move. This all changed last winter when we received a phone call from Agent Booth.

Agent Booth had been reassigned to Chicago where he was to head up the Homicide Department for the FBI stationed there. And he wanted Edward in the department.

Edward had been traveling to D.C. occasionally over the past few months, preparing to start this new career at the end of August. The guy was so excited that I couldn't stop smiling whenever he started to talk about it.

We wanted to both be out of college and on track with our lives before we got married. And now, almost three years after my letter proposal (which was probably framed in our bedroom) we were getting married tomorrow on the cliffs of Lake Superior.

Esme was smiling at me when I opened my eyes. She clapped her hands together once. "Alright, come on ladies; let's get to our rooms for the night."

I pushed myself up with my elbows and stood to give her a hug. "Thank you for everything, mom," I whispered as she held me tightly.

Esme kissed the side of my head. "Love you Bella, no matter how weird of a bride you are."

I laughed as we released each other. Alice and Rose each gave me parting hugs and threatened me with bodily harm if I somehow smuggled Edward into my hotel room.

It wasn't long before I had dressed in my comfort clothes and was curled up on my bed. Jeans and a sweatshirt would always be comfortable and a style I would forever try to make popular amongst the entire world. My entire body was fluttering with anticipation as I paced the small space of the hotel room.

I was used to nerves and anxiety. Hell, I dated a solider for months and every time I went to pick him up or see him for the first time in a while, I felt these nerves. However, the closest I could compare the butterflies in my stomach to was the first time I ever saw Edward in the middle of the crowded airport.

My pacing stopped in front of the mirror, where my hands went up to mist my hair. The girl reflected back at me had bright brown eyes simmering with love and happiness and a smile ready to take on the world.

A knock on the door interrupted my quiet musings. I hustled over to the door and pulled the handle open. Edward stood on the other side of the door, standing in the hallway with a brilliant grin.

"Edward!" I exclaimed, throwing my arms around him, unable to contain myself.

He chuckled as he wrapped his arms around my waist. I felt a soft kiss buried in my hair before he whispered, "Do you trust me?" he asked.

"Somewhat," I replied, pulling back to grin at him.

Edward smiled. "So I can kidnap you?"

I raised my eyebrow as Edward lifted a blindfold into my view. I looked over my shoulder at the hotel room, remembering Rose's threats.

"Oh what the hell."

That is how I found myself blindfolded and being snuck out of the hotel, Edward going great lengths to avoid anyone and everyone we knew who was staying there.

"Where are we going?" I questioned after he set me down in the passenger seat of the truck.

"It's a surprise."

"I'm pretty sure you should tell me."

I heard Edward laugh. "And I'm pretty sure you aren't entirely sure how the whole kidnapping thing works."

I rolled my eyes. Then I realized he couldn't see me rolling my eyes and stuck my tongue out in his general direction. "Alright Mr. FBI, enlighten me. Where does one take a kidnapped victim?"

"Real sly there babe," Edward praised sarcastically as he started to drive.

I spent the rest of the ten minute or so of the drive pestering Edward with questions as to where we were going. In most other circumstances I would have just smacked him and took the damn blindfold off, but I wasn't willing to spoil his fun, and I was so far enjoying being kidnapped.

The road got bumpier after a little bit, ensuring more questions from me before the truck came to a stop.

"Wait here for a second," Edward commanded. I laughed as I heard him scurry out of the truck.

He opened the back doors of the cab three times before finally shutting both of them and opening up my door.

"Here we go, I gotcha," he whispered softly as he scooped me out of the seat and picked me up bridal style.

I nuzzled into his chest. "The blindfold?" I asked.

"Just hold on a second," Edward replied quietly.

In a few moments Edward had managed to take a very high step up somewhere before settling down on his knees with me still in his arms safely.

"Let me see your eyes, beautiful."

Gentle fingers released the fabric from my eyes and when my sight was returned to me I gasped softly. "Oh, Edward!"

My eyes were left staring at the more stars filling the night sky than I had ever seen in my life. I felt my eyes begin to water as I looked at Edward who was smiling tenderly at me.

"What are we doing?" I asked in barely above a whisper.

Edward looked down around us, causing me to follow his gaze. He had filled the bed of the truck full with literally dozens of blankets, comforters and quilts, along with about six pillows towards the cab.

"We are going to spend the night stargazing," he replied with a shy smile.

My hand lifted up to his cheek as I held his gaze. "I love you so much," I whispered.

"And I intend to spend the rest of my life showing you how much I love you," he whispered, his lips inches away from my own.

"That doesn't sound like a bad plan," I breathed.

He grinned crookedly and shook his head, "No it does not."

Our lips pressed against each other softly. The feeling of him filled me with such incredible love that I had to break away from him in a few moments because I could not contain my smile. He rested his forehead against mine and our eyes closed to savor the moment.

"This actually looks really comfortable," I praised after I felt a kiss on my forehead.

"It should; there are a shit ton of blankets here."

I raised an eyebrow at his complaining tone.

He looked at me sheepishly. "Because I love you a shit ton!"

"I would say nice save, but I don't even think I could muster enough sarcasm to make that appropriate," I laughed.

"And that's why I love you a shit ton!"

"We're going to sleep here all night?" I checked, excited by the idea.

From the looks of it we were quite a ways off the freeway to the point where I couldn't even hear cars or much of anything. There were woods behind where the truck was parked and a grassy field stretching out in front of us. There were no street lights or anything to dim the stars away.

Edward nodded in response to my question.

I grinned at him. "Perfect."

We got situated in the surprisingly comfortable truck bed. Our bodies stretched all the way to the end and were engulfed in layers upon layers of blankets. I ended up curled into Edward's side and using his arm as a pillow to gaze up at the stars.

"Rose will kill me for this," I told him without regret.

Edward replied in a sheepish voice, "Well...I'm not too sure about that."

I craned my neck up to face him. "What did you do?"

"I may or may not have convinced her to keep you in your room so I could pull off my kidnapping without you coming to find me."

At his confession, I couldn't stop laughing. On this, the eve of one of the most important nights of my life, I could not muster any sarcasm. I just felt such an incredible amount of joy flowing throughout my soul.

"Did she help plan this too?" I asked, gesturing around us to our setting.

Edward grinned proudly. "Nope, she has no idea where we are; this was all your husband."

My heart fluttered at his words. "Husband," I grinned nuzzling closer to him. I closed my eyes and let out a happy sigh.

I felt arms tighten around me. "Who are you and what have you done with my sarcastic, snarky snickerdoddle?"

I opened my eyes to see shining green ones gazing at me, mirroring the love I felt.

"Edward, I've never been so happy my entire life. It's just...there's just an incredible elation coursing through me...and I don't even know how to put into words how in love with you I am."

Edward pulled me close to him, burying his face in my hair. "Oh Bella, I love you so much that it hurts."

We spent the entire night together with nothing but the stars for light. We talked about everything and nothing for hours. We held each other close as if our lives depended on it. Finally after keeping our eyes open to see four shooting stars for each year that we'd been together, we fell asleep wrapped in each other's tight embrace.

When my eyes fluttered open in the morning I was momentarily confused. Edward had his arms wrapped protectively around me which was nothing new. It was the orange sun that was rising over the field that was the source of my confusion. Once the memories of the previous night came back to me, a smile crept upon my face.

I was getting married today!

There was not a second of the day where I didn't feel those anxious butterflies fluttering through my stomach. I couldn't keep the smile off my face as Edward and I loaded up the blankets (which had provided such a cushion, my back couldn't even tell I had slept in a truck) and drove back into downtown Duluth. When I looked over and saw Edward with a cheeky grin of my own, I had to kiss it.

Rose, Alice and Esme were all waiting in my hotel room where Edward left me with a tender kiss.

They all let out a breath of relief when I slipped into the room. I raised an eyebrow in question.

Esme clapped. "You got sleep! No bags under your eyes!"

Wooh! Living the dream!

I rolled my eyes. "We didn't exactly go clubbing!"

"Well what'd you do?" Alice asked curiously.

I told them the details of my night of stargazing and innocent love (we didn't want to make a mess in the blankets.) There were awes and squeals at the appropriate places as we ate breakfast.

We had just finished eating when Esme got a call from Carlisle. Apparently my baby brother, Christian wanted Doritos for breakfast, and boy did he want them bad. Esme excused herself and dutifully went to relieve her husband and reason with her three year old son. Rosalie followed her, having to grab her heels that she forgot.

Alice smiled softly at me after a moment of silence between the two of us. "I know I've told you this already, Bella, but I am so happy for you."

I grinned back at her, "You're next!"

Alice laughed as her eyes glanced down at her left hand. A gorgeous diamond ring had recently found its home on her fourth finger, a gift and a promise from Jasper.

Jasper had served one more tour with the Army the year after they returned. He served in Afghanistan for eight months before flying home with his troops. On that day when Jasper stepped off the plane, Alice didn't just get her solider back; she got him back on one knee with unashamed tears in his eyes.

They were having a New Year's Eve wedding in six months.

Alice continued to work with Esme, moving her way up in the business as Esme's wedding planning business only grew bigger and more famous. Now that Jasper was home he was working in recruiting for the Army instead of leading soldiers in deployment.

"But today is all about you," Alice grinned.

I shook my head. "No, it's not," I disagreed, "today is about love and family, something that I'm lucky to have."

Alice smiled at me and nodded silently in agreement.

The next few hours passed by in an array of dresses, makeup and hair styling. And then of course more make up because the tears ruined the first go.

Before I knew it, it was only half an hour before I would walk down the aisle to my love. We had arrived at the venue and I had been told that everything had been set up perfectly for the outdoor wedding that would take place at sunset. I took a few pictures with the photographer before I was rushing to the door leading outside.

I pushed the door open 90 degrees and knocked softly on it.

"Edward?" I called.

"I'm here," he replied. I swear my heart skipped a beat at the sound of his voice.

"Are you ready?" I asked, noticing my shaking fingers clutching the paper in my hand.

"More than."

I reached out around the door, careful not to go in his view as we didn't want to see each other until I was walking down the asile and handed him the letter. In exchange he handed my own letter, lighting up my face.

Taking a deep breath, I slowly opened the envelope and pulled the letter out. Just before I was about to begin reading, I saw a hand held out to me from his side.

Blinking back tears, I reached my right hand out and entwined my fingers with his as I began to read.

_Dearest Bella,_

_ It always comes back to this, doesn't it? Pen and paper. It's where our relationship began and has always remained a special connection between us. It's something I love about us. And I was thinking, we should write letters to our children. You know? Before they're born even. I want them to know I love them as much as their mother._

_ It's our wedding day. Can you believe it? God, Bella, it feels like just yesterday I got your first letter. I know I say that all the time but it just is unconceivable to me that all of this time has passed by so fast. I wouldn't trade a minute of the life we've spent together and it's barely even started._

_ You're my world Bella. You are the light for my soul to follow. You are the reason for my being. I was put on this earth to love and cherish you all the days of my life. With you and only you, I have everything. You are my everything._

_ These past years since that first letter have been the most amazing time of my life. All of our time together is frozen in my mind; I can go back and relive it whenever I want. You have given all this to me. You have given me happiness. You have given me love._

_ In return, I promise I will love you forever. Until the end of the universe. Our love is powerful. Our love has survived vast distance and other trials. Our love is the best thing in the world and the greatest thing I have. I am who I am today because of you. You lift me higher than I ever thought possible. I love you more than life itself and I am forever yours._

_ Sincerely,  
Sergeant Masen_

* * *

_When you're happy like a fool _  
_Let it take you over _  
_When everything is out _  
_You gotta take it in _

_Oh this has gotta be the good life _  
_This has gotta be the good life _  
_This could really be a good life, good life _

_Say oh, got this feeling that you can't fight _  
_Like this city is on fire tonight _  
_This could really be a good life _  
_A good, good life  
_Good Life, One Republic

* * *

There you have it folks. I was going to go all the way into their wedding, but I always find myself happy the chance to end something with those three words. Hope you enjoyed it!  
(Thanks Pinterest for helping me plan not only my fake wedding, but Bella and Edward's) ((picture's on Twitter))

Thank you all for everything! Hope you enjoyed! (:


	49. Outtake: Mafia

**Alright, here it is! The mafia ending we've all been waiting for...or are rather indifferent to, it depends. **

**For those of you that don't know, I have started posting a new story as well, but more about that at the end! Enjoy the read!**

* * *

I had been stalked for the past few months, my privacy exploited, and been shot at numerous times. All of this seemed to pale in comparison to the fact that Edward was home. Of course now that the FBI was here and planning to take down these guys, well, it wasn't exactly easy to try and push the freak out away from my mind.

Edward, however, was totally fine with it.

I couldn't help but think how fucked up our reactions have been.

Seriously, Edward was actually happy. The morning of our meeting with the agents, Edward was whistling in the shower. I on the other hand was texting my living will to Rose. Well not really I guess. I just told her she could have the dogs and the shoes. She was down with it.

Yesterday when it was pitch black and we were around the campfire, an agent showed up from the house next door and informed Edward and I that we would be briefed at a hotel back home the next day. This was all he told us because he didn't want to linger.

Edward and I hadn't really had a chance to discuss the men trying to kill him. I mentally slapped my forehead at my wording. I did realize how, like I said, fucked up that sounded.

I didn't know what the agents had planned in order to arrest these guys and make the charges stick. I mean I'm sure you could get attempted murder on a few of them. I realized that I would have to most likely testify in court against a lot of them. Thoughts of the witness protection program plagued my mind. I voiced my concerns to Edward at one point last night.

The answer he gave me was not what I had expected. It shouldn't have surprised me. I mean really, these men had already turned this hunt into a bizarre game, why stop? As it turns out, any man arrested by the police and pressed with charges for the game (the game of course being murdering Edward) was not allowed to do anything whatsoever to harm a witness against them.

As I said, fucking bizarre.

When I pressed on, Edward further explained that it was just another term of the game. If you get caught, it's game over. You lose. If you perform any type of hit while being incarcerated the remaining members of the mob would kill your parents, force your wife in prostitution, make your children servants, etc. In their minds, if you are sloppy enough to get caught, you deserve prison. They don't want their name damaged further with a witness murdered in cold blood.

Again, in a weird twist of events the rules to my boyfriends planned murder were protecting my life.

Edward seemed to be walking on egg shells around me, obviously waiting for my own freak out. It would be coming. I could promise him that. I had no idea when though. As of then, I just wanted to be done with this mob thing. I was tired of trying not to think about it, or pretending it wasn't that big of a deal. I had been downplaying this since day one, and I was ready for it to be done. Just done.

"Are you ready for this?" Edward asked me as I slid my feet into sandals and fastened them. I made an incredulous face at him which made him chuckle.

"Are you?" I asked with a raised eyebrow as he slipped his hand in mine and we made our way to the truck.

"I've been ready for six years," he said plainly as he helped me into the truck and shut the door. I sighed quietly.

We were to drive to the hotel and check into the honeymoon suite. The agents would already be in there waiting. Our cover was that Carlisle and Esme were home, so we were supposed to look like we were so utterly horny. I could do it I guess.

So, with Edward's arm draped around me we walked through the parking lot, me giggling like an idiot, and hanging over Edward while he was kissing my neck and area around it. I think we played our part well. We managed to get to the front desk where the briefed manager gave us a key to the room and instructions how to get there.

When we got into the room, I was taken back. There were over twenty suited agents with a whole shit ton of technology. I mean there were TVs, radios, cords everywhere. It was a good thing that it was such a huge room.

Agent Booth introduced himself to us. He was a man with muscles with brown hair cut excellently and kind brown eyes, and a firm handshake. Then he introduced us to a few key members of the operation before inviting us to sit down on one of the couches while he took the arm chair.

Not knowing what exactly to expect, Edward and I both looked at Booth. "Okay, so I'll walk you through our plan, feel free to ask any questions or if you have any information Masen, just let me know."

We both nodded and he gestured to the many papers lying on the coffee table. There was also a board standing aside where I recognized a bunch of photos that I had taken a while ago of men entering and leaving the abandoned gas station. They had labels and lists of other things under them.

"As you can see, we have 21 known men that we are targeting. But if we can get any others we're taking them as well. Thanks to your pictures Bella, we were able to pin point which guys were here," he indicated the board with his hand before gesturing to another agent who moved another board into place. I jumped in my seat when I saw it.

There were four photos of men's driver's licenses, but the fifth picture was of an unmistakably dead body. I leaned closer and saw that the name BRODY CARLIN was written in big black letters under his name. So that was the man who the police had been investigating.

"These are the five men who died the night of May 2nd. We still do not know the whereabouts of their bodies. However, that is not one of our many priorities as of now, as it is not likely that we will find them." I looked over at Edward, worried. Edward had killed four of those men. His expression was unreadable. I slid my hand into his without a word and felt a squeeze.

"I gotta say man that was impressive. Not many people could take on five armed men and live to tell the tale. Nice work," Booth nodded approvingly. I was confused. An agent of the Federal Bureau of Investigation was congratulating Edward on killing people.

Edward voiced his confusion, "How come you're not investigating me?"

Agent Booth looked around the room, some agents were smirking, others were just shaking their heads with a knowing grin, and he turned back to Edward, his own smirk on his face, "Why would we be investigating you? There're no bodies to prove you killed anyone. The night that Brody Carlin died, as far as we were concerned, it was dark and one of the other men on the scene must have accidentally shot him."

Edward nodded, looking dryly amused. Agent Booth cleared his throat and looked back down at the table in front of us, "Anyway, here's the deal. Bella, you're going to be the bait. We want you to drive there in your truck. We will have two agents in the back seat hiding. Agent West," he pointed to a red headed female agent who smiled at me, "will help you figure out what you'll be wearing since you will have a bullet proof vest on." We nodded at each other briefly before I looked back to see him addressing Edward now.

"Edward you won't be far behind her. You'll be taking Mr. Cullen's truck and pull into the lot," he pointed to a bird's eye view picture of the gas station and parking lot, "right after Bella. She'll get out of her vehicle and you yours. Now here's the exciting part." Oh, because this was too boring before. I was too busy holding onto the agent's words to begin panicking.

"You get to have a yelling match." Sweet. "We need it to be loud enough for the ones inside to hear you two. They need to hear that Bella intends to turn you in Edward for her cut of money. At that point, Agent Burns will be the first one out of the station.

"Thanks to Burns who has been working undercover for nearly 18 months in the mafia, we know that tomorrow night there will be a meeting of sorts. They know they only have a week until the 4th of July and they're getting nervous. Most of the men that have been in this area at one point will be meeting there to discuss bending of the rules.

"It'll be dark out, and there's a field of corn behind the station. We'll have six agents hidden in that with a view of the station. The local police will be joining us in efforts and we will use two of their vehicles to block the dirt road so no one can make a quick escape."

Edward and I continued to listen as he talked through the finer details with other agents occasionally chiming in. We had three minutes to park and start screaming at each other and then all the remaining agents and cops would arrive to make arrests. As soon as the officers arrived, we were to get in one of the trucks and stay down in case of gun fire.

Just another day in the life.

"Any questions?" Booth asked once his explanation was finished.

Edward and I looked at each other for a second and then slowly shook our heads. He seemed to have gotten everything.

"Bella why don't you go speak with Agent West while I have a word with Edward and Burns." I nodded and slowly released Edward's hand before going over to Agent West.

We spent the next ten minutes discussing my wardrobe. It was almost refreshing. I described all of my sweatshirts to her in detail. Finally we decided that a black soccer sweatshirt that ran big would work perfectly. Our vests would be delivered in a cardboard box the next day because that was the only way they could be sure the agents wouldn't be seen.

Once that was settled I turned back and made my way over to the guys. Edward was handling a small black handgun, I recognized it as the one he had carried with him back in Ohio and for prom. Well, he was fairly decent shot; it would make sense for him to be carrying it. The longer I thought about it, I realized that Edward had had that gun with him every possible time since he arrived home. Hmm.

"Do I get a gun then?" I asked hopefully. If Edward wasn't going to let me have a gun, maybe the bureau would.

"No," Edward answered firmly at the same time that Booth asked, "Have you ever shot one before?"

"Well, not exactly…" I trailed off, ignoring Edward's response.

"No," Booth said just as firmly as Edward had. I frowned. Edward, however, was looking at Booth with a great deal of respect and smugness.

"How about like a sling shot then? I mean if they're coming at me I should be able to defend myself," I replied sarcastically. Burns and Booth chuckled while Edward just rolled his eyes.

"Yes. You can bring a sling shot if you really feel the need. Though, I must say that your lack of faith in your country's government to protect you does hurt." Now it was I who rolled my eyes.

We lingered for about twenty more minutes at the hotel room before being released. We left the hotel with Burns following us at a distance that we were supposed to pretend not to notice as he was keeping up his mafia front. Once we pulled into the garage we saw him in his car keep driving past our house.

Carlisle and Esme had both left for work while we were at the hotel so we had the whole house to ourselves. And we were to stay in our protected house for the next day. So after we greeted the overly enthusiastic dogs Ares and Sarge at the door and filled their water dishes I sat on a stool at the counter and Edward stood across from me, his face lost in thought.

"I'm such an awesome girlfriend," I sighed shaking my head with mock vanity. Edward cracked a grin in response.

"You're okay I guess," he teased back.

"This'll be story to tell the grandkids," I said after a moment, rolling my eyes. _Well kids, your grandpa and I fought the mafia in an epic battle of truth and lies, and in the end, good prevailed…_ Eh, I had plenty of time to work on that.

"We are so badass," he agreed. Looking at his cocky crooked grin, I decided on a way that we could pass the time. I slid off of the stool and walked around the counter to his side and pushed myself so that I was sitting on the counter with my legs open and dangling. Edward moved to stand in between them.

"Does this remind you of anything?" I asked as his lips went immediately to my neck and begin sucking and kissing at the exposed skin.

"Our fish gut moment?" He asked in a husky whisper as his hands slowly slid up my shirt.

I laughed breathlessly and nodded. His lips moved up my neck towards my mouth and he chuckled in a sexy whisper, "That was definitely one of my better plans." We made what happened next make the fish cleaning moment appear chaste.

oOo

"Are you ready for this?" Edward asked for the 8th time in the past three hours as I slipped the exceedingly heavy vest over my tank top.

"If you ask me one for time I will throw that shiny gun of yours at you," I threatened as I shrugged my shoulders getting used to the feel of the vest.

Edward was slipping on his own vest, much more effortlessly than I did. "I just want to be sure. I mean there's still time to back out if you want, everyone will understand-"

"Some people do drugs, drink and get pregnant in their reckless years. Could you just let me go through a rebellion my own way?" I asked exasperatedly, slightly sarcastic, slightly speaking the truth.

Edward just shook his head as he shrugged on his own gray sweatshirt, he grinned at me with awe. "I don't even know how the fuck I ended up with someone like you."

"You mean perfect in every way possible?" Maybe it was the nerves that were making me so…witty. Or rather lack there of.

"Exactly," he grinned, placing his hands on my hips and leaning down to kiss me slowly and with purpose. I smiled against his lips as we broke apart.

"Are _you_ ready for this?" I asked, looking once more in the mirror to see how I looked. Agent West was right; black was a good color. You couldn't even notice I was wearing a vest that felt like it weighed sixty pounds.

Edward looked at his watch and ran a hand through his hair. The only reason he was nervous, or so he told me last night, was for me. He had been trained for situations similar to this. He would be fine. Those were his cocky words, not mine. Though I did believe them entirely.

"Time to roll," he said, his face once more unreadable. Well not so much unreadable, more like filled with too many emotions, the main one being anxious.

"Just remember, anything I say to you out there is not the truth," I reminded him as we descended the stairs. He nodded as we got tennis shoes on. We had decided just to wing it when we were screaming at each other, but I had some pretty good ideas on what I was going to say.

"I love you," he told me as we both stood up. He placed one more, soft meaningful kiss on my lips.

"You better," I winked as we broke apart.

Driving to the gas station I could no longer ignore my pounding nerves. I had been absolutely terrified of doing this for the past week. I know I hid it well with my sarcasm, but in reality, I had not stopped freaking out. My heart was pounding harshly in my chest as I drove through the night being followed by Edward in Carlisle's truck. There were two agents crouched in the back seat, neither of them making a sound.

You only live once, I told myself as I peeled into the small parking lot and slammed on the brakes. I hadn't even parked but I angled the truck so that it was parallel to the station. With my hands shaking I put on an angry face and got out of the truck, slamming the door behind me. Three minutes. I could do this for three minutes. There were agents all around me, I was safe.

Ha.

But for the time being I had to will myself to believe it and concentrate on the task ahead of me. I had to do this for Edward. That thought made me square my shoulders as Edward leapt out of his vehicle.

"Bella, please don't do this! Get back here!" He yelled in desperation, reminding me that I should be walking to the station.

"I'm done with this Edward! So fucking done!" I yelled back with fire. I was proud that my voice didn't convey my fear but rather a heated anger.

"Look, I'm sorry! You don't need this money! This isn't the way!" He yelled back way louder than necessary. We were about ten feet away from each other, a single street light as our source of illumination. The lights in the gas station were on and there were cars surrounding, parked in various places.

"You lied to me! You lied! I can't believe you cheated on me in Iraq! How dare you! You bastard! After all I fucking did for you!" It was the first thing that came to mind I guess. Luckily for me, my nerves were making it surprisingly easy to just shout.

Edward didn't miss a beat. His face remained anguished and anxious. "Please Bella, it was a mistake! I'm sorry! You have to believe me!" I chanced a glance over to the station where sure enough I saw shadows moving.

"You're not worth it Edward!" I shrieked as loud as I possibly could, lying perfectly, "I gave you everything! I have put up with so much shit for you, and you don't even care! Well you know what? I don't care anymore either! You deserve this!" I shouted trying to be furious. It felt so good to yell.

In the second where Edward didn't yell, I could hear cars in the distance. We had about a minute left.

"After all we've been through?" He roared, almost making me shudder with his volume. "I should have listened to that man when I took you to your fucking prom!" he sneered, "You are a bi-"

Apparently Edward was finding the yelling healthy as well. I interrupted his yell with my own furious one. "Don't you dare call me a bitch! I have put up with all of your shit for too long! I'm done!"

Not much longer now. I heard the door being pushed open of the station. Keeping up my fearless charade I turned bravely to see a bunch of men coming out of the door and stepping onto the pavement. They were all dressed in suits and some were smoking cigars, watching our exchange with a smirk.

"I brought him here! You're fucking welcome! I want my cut!" I screamed at them, not fazing most of them. If I had a gun, I would have shot their arrogant bastard faces. I guess it was probably best that Edward did veto that.

"Bella!" Edward yelled in desperation. I saw a few triumphant looking men draw their guns from their waists and point them at Edward. Without missing a beat Edward pulled out his own gun. He was about forty feet away from them, but it was still way to close if you ask me.

I yelped as a shot was fired from their side. A loud horrendous bang followed it. The bullet had hit the door of Carlisle's car. Shit. Edward, no longer looking desperate or anxious held his gun out fearlessly, looking calmly furious. I started making my way back towards the truck.

"Really boys? Here I am after all those months and only one of you fired? No wonder I'm still alive. My father would be so disappointed," Edward shook his head tauntingly.

I cringed.

Don't taunt the mobsters Edward!

I had almost made it back to the truck. They seemed to have forgotten entirely about me. About eleven of them had their guns drawn at Edward.

Three more shots were fired. Edward ducked once and three more bullets hit Carlisle's door. Edward laughed with the same taunting tone in his voice. "You're going to have to do better than that!" he hollered.

I had reached the truck and made it to the other side of it, standing behind the hood watching. My heart was pounding against the heavy vest on my chest, and my palms were sweating against the hood. With heavy breathing I waited for the sirens.

Two more shots were fired, one of which by Edward, considering the chaos it caused on the other end of the shootout. Before any more shots were fired, sirens erupted into the quiet night. They weren't off in the distance, they were extremely close. The doors of the trucks flew open from both trucks and four agents burst out of the vehicles. They looked just as deadly as Edward as they drew their weapons and pointed them.

Before the mobsters could even make a face of surprise, three black SUVs peeled into the lot and out shot about ten agents, each with their weapons drawn, wearing their own vests. I recognized Agent Booth's shout. "Drop your weapons!" he yelled in warning.

The response was more fired shots. I had lost sight of Edward, the newly arrived vehicles blocking my view. I saw a body on our side go down. Before I could even let out a scream, I realized the body had an FBI jacket on and therefore couldn't have been Edward's.

"I said drop your fucking weapons!" Booth yelled again, his voice frighteningly full of authority.

More shots were fired, though less than before. I saw a body in a suit go down. None of the men next to him even glanced as he fell. Another body fell not 10 seconds later.

Four agents who must have been hiding in the cornfield appeared from the side of the building. "You're surrounded!" A voice from the side called, alerting them to their presence.

It was hard to follow what happened next. The men scattered. A few actually did drop their weapons, but most went running in various directions, most likely to a car. Only a few shots were fired as bodies were slammed onto the ground, being tackled.

None of this mattered though, because I still couldn't see Edward. I leaned around, trying to get a better view of the area, but I couldn't see anything.

"Masen!" I heard Burns yell, "What the hell are you doing?!" And then I found him.

There had been a man retreating back into the gas station. Since most of the agents had scattered to pursue others, he looked like he was going to be able to slip through. But then I caught sight of Edward running through the chaos fiercely after him.

"Edward, no!" I yelled pointlessly. Before I could contemplate farther, I moved from my safe place and began running in his direction.

I was intercepted halfway through my run. Out of nowhere I felt arms around me, halting my run. I struggled against who I saw out of the corner of my eye was Agent Booth.

"Edward!" I screamed, fighting with no result against the arms stopping me and slowly dragging me back.

Before I scream again, a loud crash was heard and we watched the door to the gas station shatter from a bullet. I screamed when I saw a body with unmistakable copper hair fall to the ground.

The terror I experienced when Edward fell to the ground was something I would never forget. I would never ever take life for granted again. It can end in just a spilt second by a bullet.

When Emmett had called me months ago to tell me that Edward and been shot, well, it had been the worst hour of my life waiting for a call back. I never wanted to experience that pain again. And here I was, watching my boyfriend get shot. The pain and terror were multiplied ten times.

I had almost broken free of Booth's hold. I was struggled to get away, I needed to get to Edward. That was my only conscious thought at the time. Why did the universe always have to keep us apart?

And then I saw something that I would never forget. Edward's head moved up slowly. He propped himself up with his elbows for a second before he slowly, with what looked like a great deal of energy, stood up.

Now that he was up. I would kill him.

The relief came with such force that had Booth not been struggling to keep me up, I would have collapsed. I sagged back against him as I watched Edward get up all the way and fire his gun once more. He was alive.

Tears threatened to spring to my eyes. I was so consumed with my relief that it was hard to see anything else that was going on. My relief that he was alive didn't do much to deter the fact that this was still an FBI bust and guns were still blazing.

The thing I saw Edward do next reminded me why I loved the man. Through the shattered door way, I had an excellent view of Edward cornering the man who had just shot him. What did he do? He punched the guy so hard in the face that I could practically hear his nose break.

That's my man.

"Stay here!" Booth urged me, releasing me out of his hold now that he saw Edward was breathing and well. He took off sprinting after a guy who had just slipped out of his car and started running toward the cornfield.

By now police cabs had arrived at the scene and several beat up looking men were being cuffed and stuffed into the cars. There were still a few stray shots here and there, but the agents looked rather pleased with themselves. However, there was still plenty of resistance and the men were still trying to get away.

It took every ounce of self-control in me to wait for Edward to walk out of the station with the man. The guy's nose was bleeding heavily and he looked downright murderous. Edward had the man's hands behind his back roughly and was escorting him carefully to the cops, looking just as much as the soldier he was.

Edward's eye found mine and his glance said it all. I nodded back at him in silent understanding. I don't know what exactly that understanding was. Maybe it was that this was all finally over. Or perhaps it was an understanding that he wouldn't be taking anymore bullets for a long time. Maybe it was just that he loved me and I loved him with everything in me.

"Bitch," the bleeding man spat unkindly at me. Edward's eyes left mine and we both turned our attention back to the bleeding felon. I arched an eyebrow and glared at him.

"Really?" I asked in exasperation, putting my hands on my hips and returning his glare. Could we pretend he wasn't 13? In fact he looked like 40.

"Why is she always fucking here?!" He asked in exasperation of his own. I recognized his voice vaguely. I was pretty sure he had been in the alley that night. Maybe I even threw the heel at him. I hoped so.

He was hardly threatening with disgusting blood gushing from his nose while he was being restrained by a very strong Edward. "Do you want me to throw a shoe at you? Don't put it past me."

The man wasn't deterred that easily, "She's just like your mamma Masen. Of course your mother was stupid enough to get herself killed though," he chuckled.

I suddenly understood why Edward had risked his life and ran in after this man. I was staring at the man who killed Edward's mother.

My response was fast and furious. I kneed the man right in his most delicate area.

His groan was the most satisfying noise I had heard in a long time. I enjoyed watching him double over in agony. Edward twisted his wrists back not allowing him any relief. Edward looked over at me with an expression of unmistakable pride.

Agent Booth had returned from the cornfield with a man cuffed in tow. He laughed loudly as he saw the sight before him. He handed the man he had caught off to Agent West who was smirking at what I had just done as well. Booth clapped Edward on the back and gave me an amused look. The man continued to agonize.

"Look who we have here," Booth taunted as he pulled yet another pair of hand cuffs out of his belt and took it over from Edward. "Marian Brown."

Edward and I both snickered at the man's name. "You were number one on our list. Hope you have a good lawyer."

"The girl will hear from me. That was assault. I know my laws," Marian said poisonously after he spat out a mouthful of blood. Charming.

"What assault? I didn't see anything. Did you Edward?" Booth asked feigning ignorance. Edward smirked and shook his head replying with a solid no. Booth smirked as he pushed Marian roughly against the hood of the car, a nice thud resulting from it.

Booth took the man and shoved him into a back seat before nodding at us and going to help out others with handcuffing. As the excitement slowly began to die down, Edward pulled me abruptly to him and engulfed me in his arms. I didn't like hugging his hard vest, but it didn't take away the greatness that it felt to have his arms around me.

When we finally broke apart I saw the small hole in his sweatshirt on the right side of his chest. I changed my mind. I would hug that vest forever.

"Were you watching?" Edward asked with a cringe as I stared at the small hole in his gray sweatshirt. I nodded slowly, not wanting to relive a second of that terror. "I'm sorry baby," he apologized, pulling me back against him in a warmer more desperate hug.

It was done. Done. Edward was home and no one was longer trying to kill him. I could cry of happiness

Edward and I lingered around the site for about an hour as things quieted down. Edward was getting continually congratulated for getting Marian and I was praised for my fantastic acting skills. I was flattered. Edward fit in perfectly with these people. It was interesting to watch.

Agent Booth finally was able to come and speak with us. I was sitting on the opened back of my truck and Edward was standing near me when he arrived. Once again he clapped Edward on the back.

"That was really impressive," Booth said once more with truth. Edward nodded with a small, modest smile. "What are your plans from here? Returning to the army? College?"

"It's still up in the air at the moment, but at one point I'll get my degree," Edward replied.

"What are you planning to major in?" Booth asked with genuine interest. I couldn't help but think there was deeper purpose to this conversation.

"Criminal justice or law enforcement I think." This was news to me… but then again not unexpected. I'd never really thought about what Edward would do.

Booth nodded and then paused, "Ever think about trying for the Rangers?" he asked.

"Briefly yeah."

"I was a sniper for the Rangers; some of the most exciting years of my life. Josh told me that you did the job justice a few months ago," Booth said in the same conversationally tone. I was having issues following the conversation. Though I was pretty sure Josh was the sniper Edward worked with in that mission he went on awhile back.

Edward shrugged with modesty again. "With your experience in the army and a major in one of those two things you'd make a helluva agent. I would be happy to give you a recommendation. And between us, I never do that. I happen to have some pull in the bureau. You'd be almost a sure in."

Edward looked surprised and pleased. He held his hand out and shook Booth's excitedly. "Thank you! I'll be in touch I guess," he grinned as they dropped hands. Booth nodded and then turned to me.

"What about you Miss Fearless? What are you planning for a career?" I blushed at the name. I think Miss Stupidity would be a better name.

"I was thinking about law school possibly. Something in criminal justice since my dad was a police officer so I guess it kind of flows in the veins. Or maybe some psychologist work with veterans or officers. " I shrugged, uncomfortable with the sudden spot light.

"With your spunk and intelligence the FBI would love an attorney such as you. You don't take crap, you would be perfect. If you decide to, just make it through school and give me a call," he smiled warmly. I grinned brightly at this. I hopped off of the truck and gave him a hug.

"Thanks for everything," I said appreciatively as I moved away again.

"No, we wouldn't have been able to get these bastards if it wasn't for you two. Thank you," he said with sincerity. He nodded once more at Edward as he moved to walk away; "Give me a shout if you're ever in D.C." he smiled at us before going to talk to Burns and West.

I'm pretty sure the man just offered us jobs in the FBI. Like I haven't had enough excitement in life yet.

Edward wrapped his arm around my shoulder as one of the agents called over, "Thank you sincerely, Sergeant Masen!

* * *

**I always feel so clever when I end a chapter with the title...sue me.**

**This takes place a couple weeks after Edward returns home for the final time, and if you remember from the previous outtake, Edward does in fact take a job with the FBI in Chicago while Bella becomes a psychologist.**

**As I said above, I have posted a new story called The Living Will. I'm super excited about it and would be thrilled if you guys went over and checked it out! I miss many of you and would love to hear from ya'll again!**

**And thank you for helping reach 7,000 reviews on this story! I have the greatest readers(: **


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